 and Thomas Yarbrough welcome to Sister Power. In honor of Women's History Month we are celebrating all mothers and daughters right here on Sister Power. Oprah Winfrey Network announced a new brand, new show, deep diving into the difficulties of mother-daughter relationships like mother, like daughter, a new docu-series exploring the complicated and powerful dynamics between mother and daughter-duals in turmoil. With the help of mental health experts Dr. Cynthia Paul Hicks and Dr. Allison Paul Hicks a mother-daughter duo themselves who can uniquely relate to their dynamics. Dr. Paul Hicks the mother psychologist is a multi-award winning medical professional. Daughter, psychologist, Allison Paul Hicks is a mental health relational relationship expert, television personality and founder of the duo consulting group. Aloha ladies and welcome to Sister Power. Aloha. I wish we could be there with you. Hawaii is my favorite place. It is. I'm I can testify to that. Thanks for having us. We're so excited. We're so excited. I know this is so exciting. Any of our viewers out there Cynthia, our parents went to school together. Yes they did. We even thought of. Your mother's name is Alice. Got you know your mother too. My mother's name is Alice. So I am so excited about this reunion. I'm so excited about like mother like daughters. Tell us about it. Walk us through. How did you get involved with like mother like daughter and with Disney and old too? Discovery plus, Alice. You want to start? I've been working in television for a little while. I've been dippling and dabbling and the opening network approached me. Well it was actually a production company. They approached me and they were like yeah you know we think you'd be a great fit. So I did my little chit chat thing and when they told me the idea I was like oh my goodness. I have a mom. She has a PhD. We like to talk. We like to help people. And that was it. You know it was a wonderful wonderful experience. The from the beginning all the way and still where we are now because I'm not calling it the end because I am claiming 25 seasons. Oh I love that. And the Emmy, she's always claiming that too. So put it out in the atmosphere and then I had always wanted for like the last six years I had wanted Ali and I to do like a talk show or do something together because we're both mental health experts and look at God. He made it happen. Look at God. God is good all the time. This is so perfect because you know Cynthia you have three daughters. Fabulous daughters that I love so dearly. I really do. And I know that everyone tries to say that they're my favorite but anyone that's a mother knows or if you're a teacher whatever you don't have favorites or you say everybody is your favorite. So you know how that goes like a holiday time their birthdays everyone gets the same gift but different colors Christmas. If Ali gets 10 gifts I have to make sure that Shelby and Kendall have 10 gifts too. Luckily their husbands aren't quite like that. So I'm good. Wow that that's a good take. That's a good takeaway for the mothers here on this show. So back to like mother like daughter. What type of topics did you discuss with the more mother daughter duos? We branched in a lot of things. It was really about where they were starting right. So we didn't like necessarily bring them anything we wanted to talk about. We addressed whatever they were going through. So the topic that we saw were trauma like verbal abuse to physical abuse to even sexual abuse. We saw mother wounds which is a generational level of abuse that happens and we experience with our moms and like my mom loves to talk about the abuse of daughters could also hurt your moms. I call it mother daughter wounds. Yeah I gotta make sure you hear that and also just some communication issues. I think that was really number one in every relationship and I think it's something that all of us can stand to work to get better at right to learn how to communicate with the people in our lives whether they be your moms or dads or significant others. And to communicate not in a hostile or negative way but in a way that it can be a teachable moment and because I know as mothers we may wound but we may not be doing it intentionally and how will we know unless we communicate with our daughters or our other significant others and they tell us. So you just need to be so open and willing to hear that that constructive observation and then those that you're receiving that information from they should be able to sit there and listen to your thoughts as well. So how did the network go out and choose the six pairs of mother and daughters? You know I don't know. We have no idea. They just showed up and you showed out and you gave them advice. So you know what I would like to know? I want to jump right in. Do you think there's going to be a follow-up on your show so you can see how the mother and daughters have progress from your advice? Let me tell you I would love it. I don't know if that's going to happen or not. I'm not giving anything away. Y'all are going to have to find out when you find out what's going to happen. We like secrets over here sometimes. I know. Hollywood magic. Yeah. Hollywood magic but I would absolutely love to keep up and see how everyone's doing. And Dr. Allie's always talks about we want a reunion. We want a reunion. I would love to see a reunion. You know I was just sitting there and I did watch a few of your shows and it can be very intense when you're sitting there with your mother and you're telling your mother how you feel. How did you handle that ladies? Mom, do you want to go? You can go. How do you feel? Yeah. I mean it was heavy. Anybody who works in mental health or like I'm a life coach, relationship coach, when you are carrying other people's pain, you're carrying other people's trauma, in that moment it can be really hard and what it does is it causes me to have a huge explosion of empathy for others because if it's hard for me to hear it, it's got to be hard for someone to actually go through it. I always thank them at the end of the session for being so forthright and being so open, especially with all these cameras around. And I also affirm that I know it can't be easy because some of this stuff, they have suppressed it and not addressed it over years. Some of this stuff started when the daughters were in elementary school or preschool and it just compounded and continued and continued until the daughters now are adults and now they're having relationship issues and challenges. And so of course like most people when they go to therapy or to sit down and talk to someone like Allie and I, they blame the mom. So I think it was really an eye-opener for a lot of the daughters to hear some of the trauma that the mothers had been carrying for years. What do you think, Allie? Yeah, great. Absolutely. It goes heavy for people to hear that. Well, you know, your mother opens up the window to your first encounter to women relationships. So what were some of the key issues that you ladies discussed with the mother and daughter do all this? We would talk about how to structure any really effective relationship at the core of a healthy relationship and safety. And if you do not have this safe space, it is hard for you to be vulnerable. And without vulnerability, it's hard to grow in a relationship. And so a huge part of our focus was on creating as much safety as possible so that they could even have this experience to feel vulnerable and open enough to communicate with one another. And also trust because they wanted to know that if they put it out there that they wouldn't get pounced on or the same type of trauma would be inflicted on them as it has been in the past. So we really had to work with the mothers and the daughters on communication skills and safety and positive ways in which you can communicate. So it doesn't turn into a brawl because emotions when they come out, I mean, they can be very toxic and very explosive. So what did you do when the mother and daughter would explode at each other? How did you calm them down? What were your words? What did you say and do? I let them be upset. Yeah, let them live in the moment. Yeah, I feel like what better place to be upset than a place where somebody is here exclusively to make sure you are heard and that you're safe, right? So you're now in a situation where you're not so worried about there being any physical abuse or any type of like incident because we're there. And so I've always been one to allow people to express their emotions as honestly as possible. And I'm not scared of anger. That's another thing that I might get it out, experience it, feel it all. And we knew it would be within limits. It wouldn't be like some patients I've had in the past, you know, you would wonder if they're coming with firearms or, you know, if they're going to have other people outside waiting to do a retaliation or whatever. We were really in a beautiful, beautiful resort area, five acres of land. And Lord only knows how we found out how to get there. But it was just, it was so tranquil. And it was just, it gives you that Mahalo kind of, you know, feeling. Look at me. Mahalo, and that's thank you in Hawaiian. Yeah, that's it. It just gives you that kind of that. So everyone was grateful and thankful. They were very appreciative. That's kind of what I'd like to say. And as Ali said, you aren't to be afraid of the anger because if you keep it inside, it's like a volcano. What's going to happen? So what I like to do is have people let it out a little at a time. But sometimes you really can't because sometimes there were things that were disclosed that, you know, we didn't know that they were going to disclose. And we didn't know how the other person was going to react. So you just let them talk it out and process it. And you just made sure that they were safe. Everyone was safe. And it wasn't attacking. It was just getting the thoughts out. So let me ask you this, Ali, and then also you, Cynthia, what was your takeaway personally after completing the like mother, like daughter docu-series? About the show or about my relationship with my mom? Both. My takeaway from the show was I was just so proud and privileged to have been a part of it. I really thought we had created something truly beautiful. And I was just, I was overcome by that. I was actually very, I felt very privileged. And then I also felt very proud to be able to do it with my mom, because as a clinician, there's no mother-daughter like bring your kid to work day. You never get to watch your mom or your father's therapist. You never get to watch them do their work. And so getting to watch my mom do what it is she does for the first time in my life was pretty exceptional. You know, Cynthia, what makes a good mother-daughter relationship? Communication, communication, communication. You cannot stress that enough. And at the end of the day, if you maybe misstep said something that wasn't perceived correctly, the way that you wanted it to go out, guess what? You're texting, you're cleaning it up, you're calling. And at the end of every conversation with all my girls, I always say, what, Allison? Love you. Yes. We were taught as kids too that at the end of the day after our devotion, you know, whether you were, you know, you were reprimanded or scold, we had to tell each one, I love you, before going to bed. And I think that there's several words that are not used enough to me and that is thank you and I love you. So I'm loving hearing about Allison, but I want to ask you about your do you card deck? Tell us about your do you card deck? I have one here. Allison, auntie wants one. Get one. You got it. Oh my goodness, you have a whole little photo and everything. Yeah. This is how moms help their daughters, yeah. So the do you deck is all about helping people who use it to reconnect with like who they are with what's important to them. And originally it started off as a way for me to fill myself with courage because it was the beginning of the pandemic and I was really stressed and scared and worried like I'm sure a lot of people were. And so I was like, let me write down all of the things and all the interventions that I know that tap into intuition and courage, because I felt like there were those are two things that I needed. And so at the end of the day, I have like 60 interventions and 60 things that I have used. And so I was like, let me put this into like a book. And then it became a card deck because I was like, I want people to be able to pull one card out a week, read it, do what it says, internalize it and like change their lives. And I've been getting really, really, really good feedback so far. I just started sending them out and selling them and I'm very excited about it. And I love them too because I believe in positive affirmation affirmations every day. I really do. So thanks Allison for making that happen. I don't have my glasses with me so I can't read it out loud. Okay, that's all right. Well, Allison, how can sister power viewers purchase? Do you deck cards? You can find them on allisonhicks.com and I'm gonna have to spell that for you. A-L-L-Y-C-I-N Hicks.com or you can find it on my Instagram at Dr. Allie, A-L-L-Y. Oh, great. Yay, I'm so proud of you. So I can't wait to get my deck. Thank you. Aloha. You created a mother-daughter coloring book. Just all the stuff. This is the mother book. There's actually one that looks just like it but it's the daughter book and they have the same pictures so you can color no matter where you are with your daughter. Have it on the screen right there. The attack is showing you the mother-daughter coloring book. Yes, yes. It's beautiful. Yeah, I love it. And I love it too. Our mutual friend Tina and our other friend Donna, they both have colored for years and it's a release for them, attention release. It's also interactive. They color with their daughters. Donna has a granddaughter. She colors with her. And like I said, if you're in Hawaii sharing, I can color in California. We can color at the same time and we can talk about what colors did you use for the certain page. It's so interesting to see how different pages can look depending upon whose coloring or what mood you might be in. You might use more of the bolder colors and you know use darker strokes or whatever so it's really exciting and my girls and I we enjoy coloring as well. I really enjoyed it when you sent me the mother-daughter coloring book and it was a time in my life I really needed something to just put my passion in and I never thought I would enjoy coloring but it calmed me. You know it made it about joy. The colors were vibrant and I was just shocked that I was able to do it. So how long have you been doing this Cynthia? You will not believe now. Let me just preface our two mutual friends have been doing it for two to three years. I just started in July. I know even though I've always had because I've worked a lot with children I've always had children coloring and everything but I was not an artsy person but I enjoy using glitter pens. Sharon have you ever tried the glitter pens? Not yet but I will. I love it. It's real sassy and real bright and then when the the light hits it a certain way it sparkles and what do we like Dr. Alley? All sparkly things. Sparkly. Yeah the back corner of hers yeah. I love that love that. So Cynthia tell our sister power viewers how they how our sister power viewers can purchase the mother-daughter coloring book. Go to Amazon and look up Cynthia Powell Hicks and the coloring book will pop right up the coloring books. You have to order the mother and then the daughter they sell them separately. Okay good you know I want to ask you go back to like mother like daughter Cynthia. How can I put this? How to be the best mother to your daughter? I just put it out there. Before you can be a real good mother you have to be a real good person. You have to really love yourself. You can't give what you don't have. So for me know what you love what you like and what you want to project. So self-care to me is the foundation for all relationships and then as you know I have three girls each and I should stop calling them girls they are adult women and married sorry. So I know they each one of them even though they were it's truly a surprise to their father and I when we raised them all three identically the same Sharon. Same schools, same house, same church, same discipline, same everything. All three of them totally different totally different. So mothers you have to also be accepting be accepting wherever your adult daughters at sons whomever where they are where they landed because if not you'll get frustrated if you're trying to do a cookie cutter type mother relationship with your child. But the bottom line is after the foundation it's it's communicate because you won't you can't read the minds. Yeah yeah that's good advice but I want I want to come to you Allison what would you say to daughters right now who are not communicating with their mothers for whatever reason you know Cynthia and I you and I had this conversation and you know sometimes I wish my mother was still here and then I'm listening to these women who are not speaking to their daughters for one reason or and their mothers for one reason or another. I'm gonna say one sometimes relationships are toxic and if the relationship truly is harmful and sometimes you have to keep distance in order to maintain boundaries then listen I can't tell you what to do but in other spaces sometimes it does take just that setting really good boundaries and in order to set really good boundaries you have to understand first what it is you want and expect that of the relationship so it would be like reinvestigate the relationship with your mom and see is this truly something toxic so I need to leave it or is it just that we've had a few miscommunications and neither of us are willing to establish what it is we really want out of this relationship so you figure out what you want and then you can communicate that to the person in a way that's effective for them and for you and then you set you set the standard and you say like you know this is what I expect if I'm not getting that then this is what's going to happen maybe we just talk once a week maybe we talk once a month maybe I see you at Easter and Christmas and so reassess yeah yeah wow that's good advice and I hope that the mother and daughters who are tuning in you know since we're celebrating women's history month you know we are valuable to each other yeah that that's the key we need each other and we can learn from each other and grow and love each other and I want to ask you Cynthia what is your ultimate hope to help heal mother-daughter relationships that are in turmoil obviously if I had a magic wand we wouldn't have any mother-daughter conflicts I would my advice to them would be take one what do you say Sharon one rainbow at a time one rainbow one day at a time there you go nothing is too large if both of you are genuinely wanting to work together to resolve whatever the conflict is do not take it all at one time it may take you every day for one whole year to process it but don't give up Allison you know there's something I hear people say all the time I say it myself it's like people say like hey girl I see you I see you and I actually love that statement so much because I think what it was important to me is a lot of people want to be seen by one another they want to be understood so not just seen on a physical level but seen on a emotional spiritual you know connected level so I think it takes being seen being seen and being heard is correct so at the end of your series for like mother like daughter was there any type of things that you wanted to say at the end that you did have a chance to say you know I feel like I got it all out you know I leave it all in the field so I feel like I got everything out mom all I'm gonna say is the the parts that were actually edited and shown to the public was perfect and we really the parts that weren't shown we really said a whole lot more yeah so so so the mothers actually were able to leave with additional information that was not actually shown but it was definitely video it was definitely said so like my mother like daughter do you have any contact with any of these uh the mother and daughters after the show um we I think we're gonna wait and see what the uh if there's a reunion or what's gonna happen with that yeah so we we did offer aftercare the network did offer after her support for them if if needed so in three minutes or less I want starting you with you Allison and then I want to finish with um the queen here Cynthia thank you give us your thoughts and give us some hope and tell us something that you did not tell us before doing this process some hope about what and then what we can strive to be I mean you know this world right now is very toxic so we need we want to leave our sister power viewers with some words of wisdom and hope I focus on living a life that moves from good moment to good moment instead of from bad moment to bad moment um so in order to do that I write down all the good things that happened to me at the end of the day so beyond a gratitude list like I actually focus on every tiny great thing that happened from a person holding a door and smiling at me to me catching a green light and I remember the good things that happened because your brain will always help you remember the bad things oh all the time all the time love that you yeah be true to yourself know who you are be true to you no matter what be powerful and not pitiful I love that be powerful and not pitiful that says it all well I love that because here at sister power we are giving knowledge and donating kindness and I would like to thank my dear friend Dr Cynthia Powell Hicks for your wisdom and your lovely lovely daughter the Dr Allison Powell Hicks for your knowledge and your encouraging words and educating us I'm your host Sharon Thomas Yarbrough Aloha