 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host Rob Dyle. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, I'm going to talk about how to change your personality. Now, you might be sitting there and saying, hold on, but my personality is who I am. Like this is what I was born with. This is who I am, right? Like sometimes I see people and they're like, well no, my child is this way because she's always been this way. I'm like, well maybe she's been that way because you've always been that way and she learned how to be that way from you. And so we talk about how to change your personality. The first thing I want you to realize that your personality is not real. It is something that you decide to do and decide to be unconsciously every single day. And so when you wake up every single day you literally put on that personality like it's a shirt. Like you put on, same way you put on your undies and you put on your shorts and your t-shirts and you get ready for dressed for work and everything. You do the exact same thing with your personality. And if you've been listening to the podcast long enough you know personality, the root form, word for personality is persona. It's the Greek word for mask. Persona was the mask that they would go on stage. They would put right before they went on stage. And so what that means is your personality is actually a mask that you're wearing. It's not your true self. Like if you're like, oh, I happen to be a short tempered person, I don't know. You've developed the personality of being somebody who has a short temper. You weren't born, like you didn't just come out of the womb and you just had a short temper, short temper, right? You might have had a short temper. But you didn't have a short temper. And so it's a mask that you're wearing. It's a shirt that you are unconsciously putting on every single day. And I'm just here to say, what if tomorrow you just woke up and you put on a different shirt? What if tomorrow you just woke up and you put on a different personality? So instead of being the person that is easily triggered, you're the calm person. Instead of the person who is just sad all the time, oh man, I'm so sad. You're just like, you know what? Fuck it, I'm gonna be the happy person today. I'm just gonna see what it feels like. Just try the shirt on, see if it fits. If it doesn't fit, put on another shirt tomorrow. I don't care. But you have to actually realize that your personality is fluid. It's not set in stone. And we're all wearing shirts that we need to look down on and say like, hey, is this the shirt that I actually want to be wearing? Right, is this the shirt I want to be wearing? So it's like for me right now, for those of you guys watching the video, I'm wearing a purple shirt, right? So my purple shirt might be like, well, I am this type of person. I'm that type of person. I have this personality. I have that personality. And so let me explain what I mean when I say the shirt that you're wearing. So there was a few years ago, Laura and I were watching Queer Eye. And there was this lady who popped on and she was talking about they had made her, they went through this transformation and helped her out and all of this stuff. And she had really tough parents. And she had this aunt that was really, really tough on her. And she called her ugly when she was a little girl. She was like eight years old. She called her ugly. And then this lady's like 34 years old and she still thinks she's ugly. And I remember exactly where I was. I was in the kitchen and Lauren was watching TV and she was on the couch. And I said, man, that's crazy. It's kind of like her aunt just one day said, put this shirt on. And she's been wearing it every single day since. And she has no idea that she's unconsciously putting on this shirt of I'm ugly every single day. And so from that shirt, she's now developing a personality and she is acting in certain ways that in her mind a quote unquote ugly person would act. She thinks of herself the same way that a quote unquote ugly person would think of themselves. And she has put this shirt on and not even realized that she puts this shirt on. And she is gonna be wearing the shirt forever unless something comes by and changes. Someone in your childhood could have said something to you and you've been wearing that shirt your entire life. But it doesn't fit anymore. Like it was given to you as a child. It's a dirty shirt, it's torn. But every day you wake up and you just put it back on because it's comfortable. It's all you've ever known. It's quote unquote who you are. It's a question I have for you to think about is like what shirt are you waking up and unconsciously putting on every single day? Is it like the I'm not good enough shirt? Is it that I'm not smart enough shirt? Is it the I'm ugly shirt? Is it the I'll always be overweight shirt? Is it the I have a short temper shirt? Is it the person who is always sad shirt? Is it the person who doesn't allow themselves to feel the highs and the lows? So you've got to stay in the, you can't be emotional. Like what shirt are you waking up and putting on every single day? Have you ever thought like just think about that for a second. If your personality is not real, the person who I think is Rob Dile myself is just a bunch of thoughts that I've had over years and years and years and it's the culmination of thousands upon thousands of conversations and things that I've watched on TV and I've developed this personality that I thought was set in stone but really it's very fluid and it can be changing point in time. What is the personality that you've developed? The first part of changing your personality is realizing that your personality is not real in the first place. It's just something that you're deciding to do every day. It's the mask that you're waking up and putting on just as a Greek work for persona which is mask that you would wear before you go on stage. So by wearing that shirt, by putting on that mask, by stepping into that personality, you are creating a reality for people to treat you that way. It's like the phrase if you wake up and you meet an asshole, you just met an asshole but if you wake up and you meet assholes all day long you're the asshole, right? So it's like if you go out into the world as a certain person, you're going to get a reflection back to you from other people of the projection that you're putting out there into the world. And so if you see assholes all day long, people are reacting to you because you're the asshole, right? So it's like if people are acting a certain way towards you, do you want people to treat you differently? Maybe there's a personality that you stepped into that's making people treat you the way that you're being treated. You know if I was ugly as a kid and someone told me I was, then I could grow up to be the most beautiful person but carry that ugly persona with me and people will treat me differently. Like I don't know about you guys, but it's kind of funny with Facebook and Instagram and all that stuff. As you can be friends with people that you were friends with in high school and you could see them and they could have been like, you see them now and you're like, whoa, what the hell happened to them? Like they're really good looking now. But back when you knew them it was like the ugly duckling, right? And they could be really good looking now but they weren't that good looking when you were younger. And it's crazy because I know every person knows somebody who was like a really good looking person, an amazing person, but they don't view themselves as that way and because they don't view themselves that way, they don't carry themselves in the way that they could and because they don't carry themselves in a certain way, what happens then? They end up getting the reflection back to them from other people based off of how they're acting. And so people will reflect back to me the way that I am acting in the world. So if I put on the overweight shirt, if I grew up in a family that was overweight and I heard all of the time, well, we're just big boned, it's in our genes, it's just the way that we are, why would I ever work out? Why would I ever eat healthy, any of those things? You've heard me use this example before but if I have it deep into my subconscious, that there's no way that I will ever overcome my DNA which somewhere in my DNA says my family is overweight, why would I ever take the actions to actually start to build the body that I want to? If I grew up poor and I know that my entire family is poor and they've never had any money, then I'm wearing the poor shirt and I'm probably going to take poor actions. It's the reason why poverty is so hard to get out of. The reason why poverty is so hard to get out of is because poverty is what you see around you and it's hard to break out of what you see around you because it's just a bubble. The reason why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer is not because of government systems and obviously there could be all of those things but that's not the debate that we're having here is that when you're born around a lot of money, making money just seems easy. It just seems normal, it just seems natural. That's what everybody does that's around me, right? But when you're raised in a poor situation, which I was, making money seemed really foreign. Like how the frickin', how do people make money? Nobody around me is making any money. This doesn't seem to make any sense and if I was wearing that poor shirt, which I wore that poor shirt for years and years and years, it's really hard to get out of that mindset. But what I realized is that I was actually in the mindset and I was a person who could pull myself out of it. So I started asking myself like, okay, if I was raised this way, if I was around these types of people, what thinking, what in my thinking would need to shift in order to get myself into a wealthy mindset? What actions would a wealthy person take? And instead of looking at my circumstances around me, I started looking at mentors that I've never met before in my entire life, but I read their books and I looked at their autobiographies and I watched documentaries about them and I started to see that success left clues. As Tony Robbins says, like success leaves clues. Okay, what are those clues and how can I start to follow them? I could change my personality from poverty to wealthy. If I'm not good at math, oh yeah, well then I'll never be good at math. Oh yeah, anybody can become better at math. It's just numbers, we can figure it out. It's just a system, it's just memorization, but we can become better. But if I'm not good at math, well then I'm never gonna take the actions to become better at math because I'm just not good at it, right? That's just what I think. If for me, I was raised with a father that was an alcoholic, I could look at that and go, well, yeah, I guess that's just the way my family is. I guess I'll become an alcoholic as well. And so it's like the story of the twins that have an alcoholic father. And then years down the road, they go and they see one of them is a successful businessman and one of them's an alcoholic. And they go up to the alcoholic and they say, hey, why are you an alcoholic? And he says, I'm an alcoholic because my father's an alcoholic. Then they go up to the successful and they say, hey, you're not an alcoholic. Why are you not an alcoholic? And he says, I'm not an alcoholic because my father's an alcoholic. It's the exact same story. They're both giving the exact same circumstance, but what happened is they developed a different story around who they are. And that story around who they are dictated the actions that they took. Two completely different personalities were built off of the exact same circumstances. And so we wake up every single day and we unconsciously put the shirt on over and over and over again. And what we need to do is we need to start actually taking a step back and looking at ourself. You know, I always say when you're in the jar, you can't read the label. We're in the jar of our lives. At some point in time, we have to take our little head out of our brain and look at our lives and look at ourself and say, what needs to change? What am I doing that I want to continue doing? What am I doing that I don't want to continue doing that's producing bad results? Because I'm putting on this ugly shirt. What if instead of the, I'm so ugly, I'm so ugly, I'm so ugly, I'm so ugly, I put on this shirt of, I love myself and I'm beautiful shirt. I'm perfect just the way I am. How would, if I think I'm ugly, I'm ugly, I'm ugly, I'm ugly, how would my mindset and my actions change if I love myself the way I am? I'm perfect. We all know someone who wasn't the best looking, but they just have confidence. And you're like, well, that's kind of sexy. You're not really that great looking, but you have all this confidence. It's like they decided, you know what? I'm gonna love myself anyways. I don't give a shit what I look like. I'm gonna love myself. And that confidence actually makes them better looking. But then we also know people who are good looking, but they don't have any confidence and it makes them not as attractive. It's kind of wild how that happens, isn't it? And so instead of saying, oh, I'm overweight, I'm gonna be overweight forever, it's just like, no, I'm gonna take that shirt off. I'm gonna put a new shirt on, which is I'm going to lose weight because I want to take better care of myself. I'm going to lose weight because I want to be here for my children. I'm gonna lose weight just simply because I want to, because I wanna look better in the mirror, whatever it is it might be. It's gonna be hard at first. It's not like you just wake up and your personality changes, but it's a consistent waking up in just a little bit of a shift of your actions, a little bit of a shift to who you are, a little bit of a shift of what you do, what you don't do, all of that stuff. Even though it's the podcast for a long time, you've heard me say this quote, it's one of my favorite quotes by Alan Watts and he says you're under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago. You can decide literally at the end of this podcast episode to just be somebody different. Just act differently, be somebody different and just see how that plays out for the next year. And so this is the give and take of figuring out who we want to become. You know, if I put on this poor shirt, if I put on the I'm not good at math shirt, if I put on the alcoholism runs in my family shirt, all of those things, I'm going to become that person. I'm going to literally create the reality based off of my perception of myself. I'm going to start to change my perception of myself and then I'm going to also going to change my reality and turn. There's a book that I read years ago it's called Psycho Cybernetics and it was this guy who is a surgeon and he would notice that some people would come in and get surgery on something like really small, like a mole on their face and they would come back and their personality be completely different. Like they thought in their mind that that mole was the thing that was making them unattractive. They get that mole removed and they think that they're beautiful and everything changes. And so it's really cool because you start to see Psycho Cybernetics, Psycho Brain Cybernetics, how they work, how the brain works is what the brain, the book is about. And it's basically about how people's view of themself would change when they come in and get plastic surgery. Like he said some people would get like this little tiny thing done and they would just change massively. They thought they were a completely different person. Some people would come in and get massive surgery done and there would be no change in their personality which showed him that personality was just this thing that we decide that we want to be. And so what I really want you to think about the point of today's episode is what shirt are you wearing? What personality have you stepped into that you just don't want to put on again? Like what shirt do you want to take off? And if you're going to take a shirt off you're not going to walk around shirtless in public. You might as well put a new shirt on. What is the shirt that you want? It won't change in one day. It's not going to happen right away but it's a complete reprogramming. Now this is important, I want you to think about this. If you're starting to reprogram yourself based off of things that happened to you in your entire life, if you have children what shirt are you making them wear? Because you're programming your children's personality into themselves. Do they have their own personality and does it move and shift? Of course, but parents also mold the children's personality as well. So start to think about that. How am I molding my children's personality? Is it what I want them to be? Is it not what I want them to be? I don't know, that's for you to figure out. What shirt are you making the other people around you wear? The people that work with you, your employees, your friends, your family, everyone. Can you start to help people change their own personality based off of the way that you treat them? And it's just like Buddha said, there's a beautiful quote. And Buddha says, just as a snake sheds its skin we must shed our past over and over again. It's easy to look into the past for, you know, oh, this is what's always happened to me. This is who I've been. And we basically look at the past and we take the past and we place it into our present moment and say because of what's happened to me in the past, because of how I was in my past, I will always be this way. But we have to shed that past over and over and over again. We have to shed that skin over and over and over again in order for us to step into a new person into the future. And so the question I want you to think about is what skin, what shirt do you need to shed? What do you need to release and get rid of and change about yourself? And if that's the case, what do you want to replace it with? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm gonna leave it the same way, leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.