 Hi, everybody. I'm Peter Diaz, CEO of the WMHI. I'm here with Amy Golding, the Director of Psychology. We happen to be married, but that's not why we're here. The reason I'm here today is to tell you that I come from a long line of warriors. No, not this type of warriors, but the type that worries a lot. We have a PhD in negative thinking, going generation after generation. PhD in negative thinking. I was so good. Ever since I was a child, I could walk into a room and notice anything that was wrong with that room, or even slightly dirty. In fact, my mother used to tell me a story, which I don't actually remember because I was so little, in which she took me to a friend's place, and a friend was offering me biscuits or chocolates or something, and I would keep declining them. And my mom, when she came out, she said, why did you decline everything that lady gave you? And I said, as a child, because everything was so dark, meaning dirty. As a little child, I was already so aware of that. Well, do you think that I grew up as a very happy child or as a very anxious child? I grew up as a very anxious child. And my relationship to the world was not a good one. I could hardly go out the door. I could hardly have friends. I could hardly relax to go out and make friends. Let alone go to school. That was a horrible, horrible experience. And if you see pictures of me when I was little, very often I have dark undertones under my eyes. I'm not a very happy look to me. I've changed. I have grown up. But anxiety sucks. It ruins part of your life, but it doesn't have to end your life. And this is why we are talking about anxiety today. We want to talk to people about what is anxiety? How do we know if we have it? What are the symptoms of it, right? Signs and symptoms, and what can we do about it? Is that right? But we do want to talk about that anxiety because it's the number one mental health issue around the world. So the research, it differs a little bit from country to country, but in the US they're saying 19% of adults experience anxiety each year. Severely. Anxiety enough that it could be classified as a disorder, that it could be diagnosed, because a little bit of anxiety is normal. It's huge. 1 in 5. That eliminates people that have got high anxiety, but it couldn't be diagnosed. They're kind of handling it. But it's still horrible. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, a little bit of anxiety is normal. We all have some. We want to have some. If you don't have any anxiety, then that actually becomes a problem because you're not safe. But that's another story. This is severe anxiety, the kind that you're describing here, which you had for about 40 years, I think you said. I grew up with it. A huge sense of dread that obviously made me very sick. I had asthma. I developed rashes because that's what happens with anxiety. I remember when I was in my early teens, developing huge stomach pains, really, really bad stomach pain. I remember when I first went to do my license to drive. I got so sick. I got so sick. I could barely move in the stomach and it was all nerves. It was very, very disruptive. It's not a nice experience. That's why I like to help people get a handle on it. It makes such a big difference to the quantity of your life. It does. I laugh now because you're so much the opposite. You've learned how to overcome that completely. But the impact I think is often underestimated. I've worked with a lot of young people especially that are really struggling with it and it impacts their schooling. It impacts their social situations. It has a flow on effect going forward as well. So it's something that we definitely want to nip in the butt and address as soon as possible. One of the questions that a lot of our audience have, people have asked us in training as well, is is it worse now than ever before? Has it always been this way and we just didn't talk about it? Having been now a few decades, at least three decades, observing from a mental health perspective the world and trends, I have to say that the last three years, ever since we got locked down because of the pandemic, the rate of you know, the signs in people of anxiety, irritability, frustration, the willingness to have lash out at people, definitely has tripled or quadrupled. And we're getting reports from other psychologists around the world saying the same thing. It's not just us. It's not just our own anecdotal evidence. But definitely we have seen an increase. Not just individual anxiety. I also have a post on the collective or global anxiety. And we definitely, there hasn't been a moment when we have not been bombarded by a crisis. If it's not the virus, it's the fluid. If it's not the fluid, it's Ukraine. If it's not Ukraine, it's Gaza. If it's not Gaza, it's chaos farting and ruining the planet. There's something all the time trying to get our attention and freak us out. And I'm seeing this, had a conversation just this week with a manager at a call center. And they want to upskill their staff around how to handle their own emotions when people are screaming down the phone at them because so many of those customer facing roles are seeing increased levels of irritability and aggression and anger from people, which we know is anxiety related. They want to know how do we not let us affect us so we can keep doing our job. That's true. We have had an inordinate amount of inquiries from call centers. Yes. Yeah. And customer facing roles retail, etc. Anywhere where you're dealing with the public. But interestingly, one of the things he said is that some of the research that they've done has found out that in election years, it's worse. Right. And this goes to the core of anxiety. It's about doubt. It's about fear. It's about uncertainty. And haven't we have had a lot of that over the last few years. So but I thought that was very interesting data election years. And this is one. Yeah. You know, this is an election. So the US anyway, which impacts the rest of the world. So something to be aware of. There's definitely a higher levels of anxiety. And people are watching. I mean, we've got right here in Europe. We have the farmers on the streets right now in almost every country. Talk of food shortages. Water shortages. You know, so there's there's a lot of things in people's minds that it's logical it's going to be driving them inside. We do think that there is a very real increase in the amount of anxiety. There is also more awareness and that there is also lowered criteria. But I think it's both and happening here. That's my assessment of the situation. The umbrella for the diagnosis of anxiety has become bigger. So more can be included. We are more aware. We are more likely to say we're stressed. And when people say I'm stressed, it means they're experiencing anxiety. It's another word for anxiety. So people are more likely to use the word stressed rather than pressure, which is a problem. And I talk about that in another video. Is it stress or is it pressure? Yeah. But even even with those distinctions, I think we still have more anxiety. And what are some of the common misconceptions about anxiety? Because for those who don't experience it, it's very easy to say, oh, well, just, you know, get over it or put it out of your mind or, you know, don't worry about the things 95% of them are never going to happen. I mean, all of that sounds and it's true. It's but I think I think for me, the biggest misconception of people, I mean, there's many, but the biggest one, the number one misconception that people have is that anxiety, that they shouldn't have any anxiety. Okay. Anxiety is a natural emotion. It's there to protect us. If, you know, a mother is supposed to experience some anxiety about where her baby that is just starting to crawl is putting their fingers. That is normal. That is good. Of course, it's not normal if she can't sleep because she's freaking out about the baby dying next to her. That's become a problem. But, you know, at a normal level of anxiety, it's fine. So how do you know what's normal and what's not? Are you able to function? Is this serving you or is it getting in the way of good functioning? By the way, the other misconception is that anxiety is a force on its own and people have no control. As an anxiety, PhDs, self-suffering expert, I can guarantee you the anxiety was mostly created by me not controlling how I was looking at the world. Okay. That was one aspect. The other aspect had to do with the food that I was getting, that it was impacting my gut. So it was a bit of both. But the number one was my mindset and how I was looking at the world. So anxiety is not a monster that has a grip over you. It's a tool that we are not using adequately. And this is really important. I remember an interaction I saw in a workplace recently because it can be something as simple as the language that we use around anxiety. And what happened was the manager was very much aware of mental health and well-being, which is great and fantastic. And they knew that this staff member had problems with anxiety from time to time. And so compassionately, very careingly, she was checking in with this staff member every day, how's your anxiety today? And it was meant to be supportive. But as a psychologist, I looked at this and went, oh, okay, if you really understand what's going on here, what we're doing is you're encouraging the worker to check in physically and mentally internally for them and go, where is, first of all, my anxiety as if it's like something that you own and that you cling to and that is almost a part of you. And so where's it at today? And then immediately you start looking for it and you start searching. Oh, there it is. What you look for, you'll find. It's a bad idea. So there it is. Oh, yes. And today it's at a seven or it's an eight or it's a 10 or it's a four or whatever it might be, but immediately you start over monitoring it. And that's going to make it worse for the person. Not just that, but then they start talking about it. And so they get to have a lovely, you know, conversation rapport building conversation between the two, but you emphasize it by focusing on it. So we, one of the things that we did was sort of educating the manager around what are other ways that you can show that support and show that care that aren't going to actually make the anxiety worse for the person. So it's a real change in thinking that's required sometimes, but just something as simple as the language that we use can have a big impact. And I think not a day goes by when I talk to a manager that is having problems with their staff in which I walk away thinking that at least 20% of 10 to 20% not a lot, but just some keywords they're using on an everyday basis is contributing to the negative results that they're getting. They're really good managers. They're really good managers and beautiful people that care because otherwise they wouldn't be talking to me or even putting up with me because I talk very frankly. So these are these are really good people and really skillful, really prepared, but they have a blind spot as to certain words that they're using that is contributing to the anxiety of the team. And you don't know what you don't know. No, you don't know. And this is where we come in to train them and they do. And this is why people report such good results from a from workshops because they walk away saying simple changes that I can make that are going to have a big impact. I can't believe I wasn't using these words and or I was thinking in this way. So you said before, you know, sometimes people say, you know, 95% of the things that you're afraid of don't come true. And if you say that flippantly, that's a bad thing to say. But you know what, that was a very useful thing for me to it was a sobering thought. Because what am I afraid about? You know, if most of the things I'm afraid about won't come true, why do I even give them time or space? You know, so that was deal with them when they happen if they happen, if they happen, but they're most likely not going to happen ever. And and another coach once held me sober up a little bit, because I was he was think I was talking about a problem. He said, Okay, well, let's say that what you are afraid of happens exactly how you're thinking. Okay, okay. He said, And what's the problem then? Oh, I thought, Oh, okay. I hadn't thought about that one. I was focusing on the first problem, but not if it actually happened. So I thought, Okay, well, I guess if that problem happens, I'll be destitute, I'll be on the street. And he continued. And what's the problem then? Oh, shit, I hadn't thought about that one. So if I'm destitute, I guess I'll look for a bridge. Okay, so what's the problem? Sleep under sleep under. Well, the first, but I don't I'm exaggerating. I could I could go to a friend's house. I'm sure for one night that would be okay. So I started finding solutions to the worst problem that could happen. And it was great. We do the what if exercise. And so what if that does happen? What if, what's it? Oh, well, I have a plan. Because what if I lose my job? Well, I would get another one. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, it might even be better than the last one. And and people too often we end up what if and we don't actually answer the question. We just say what if and then anxiety instead of actually going, Oh, okay, I have a plan now, if that was to happen. So like, and then I can put it aside. But this is interesting, that ability to put it aside is crucial because and this kind of relates to some of the gender differences that we see. So statistically speaking, women tend to experience more anxiety than men. Now there's questions around is it just women are more likely to talk about it or to express it in a way where they get a diagnosis. But let's say for, let's say that it is a real significant difference in the actual experience of anxiety. We also know that the way women's brains work, there's more connections between the different parts of the brain. So one topic relates to another relates to another relates to another and it's very easy to get caught in these rumination patterns. Whereas men and I'm speaking generally here, of course, there's always exceptions. Men generally are better able to compartmentalize and put something in a box and file it away. That's actually a really good skill that could benefit all of us to learn how to do that. Now, of course, sometimes we need to go and open the box again and do some work with it. But that ability to focus your mind on where you want it to go, I think is the core of dealing with anxiety. See, this is where I was failing most of my life. If I was anxious, I couldn't even sleep. I was not able to compartmentalize anything. So it would all get mangled up. And that's why the anxiety. Yes, absolutely. And this is the challenge because sometimes everything is easier said than done. But it's a practice and it can be achieved. It's absolutely a practice. I mean, someone who's in the grips of a panic attack and anxiety to say, control yourself, that's not going to help. But outside of those states, practicing that ability to direct your attention to, all right, I'm going to lean into the what-if question or I'm going to stay present in the here and now. And to be able to direct that focus is crucial. And, you know, from life experience, I'd have to say that there's no silver bullet and there's nothing, not a complete wrong way to do it. I have seen some people react really well from somebody coming and say, stop it right now. And they've gone. The shock factor. Have stopped them. It's a patent interest. Some people go, that would never work. That would make it worse. Yeah. Well, some people, that would make it worse. But for some people, it works. So don't knock anything out. Because it doesn't work for you. It doesn't mean it doesn't work for the rest of humanity. It just means it doesn't work for you. Find something else. Or it doesn't work for you at this point in time. Yeah, that's right. But sometimes something you've tried before didn't work them, but it does now. Because things change. We change. To me, the miracle thing for me, if I have to look at one thing that has helped me, was gratitude lists. I did them for five years straight, every single night. And that was a game changer because it taught my brain to focus on the nice things in a room, the nice things in people, the nice things in life. And studies have shown that to a woman that you teach your brain to focus on the nice things, it forgets how to do anxiety so well. Yeah. And that's a good thing. Absolutely. So that's what worked with me. Some people say, oh, hey, grant me your list. Well, I couldn't create them. But that works for me. It sounds so simple and so cheesy, but it's like proof. And it's hardcore evidence. Hardcore psychology behind it, right? Do it with your kids. Let's not also forget the biological, the physical aspects, both internal and external. Diet has a huge role to play. Hormones have a huge role to play. Maybe that's part of the male-female differences there as well in how we experience anxiety, at least, because I think my suspicion is men do also experience a lot of anxiety. They just express it and show it differently, or they express it and show it less. But I think, and I do think it's different between the sexes, but I also want to draw attention to the role of women at certain times in their cycle. And there's a lot of people that, again, we don't talk about it much because it's kind of personal, but there's a lot of women that really will acknowledge to themselves at certain times in my cycle, I feel highly emotional, highly stressed. Is that you experience too? Oh no, not me, never. I'm perfect and always balanced and reasonable. And yeah, I'm talking about other women. But the anxiety grows up, you notice that? Oh yeah, you know, well, most people will say they can notice. I know you can handle it. I mean, irritability is a big one that's related with anxiety. So stress levels rise, it comes out in irritability, normally with those closest to us. And some women do seem to be more susceptible to it than others. And if you are one of those people, then you've probably gotten awareness of it. And you've got to be able to coach yourself through those periods and saying, you know, this is just going to be, you know, just going to take it easy on myself for the next couple of days, you know. That's very insightful, because I never thought about it that way. Because as guys, every guy that I talk to that is in a relationship, we experience the irritability, right? But I never thought, and we've never discussed it, that it might be an issue of fear behind that, like anxiety. I'm worried about something, and I kind of express it, so I lash out. But not necessarily that you'd be worried about something, just physically. Your body is giving you those chemicals and those signals and those hormones that you're on edge. So there's something that exists in the out, the dish is not being washed, for example, or something small. You're layering it on top of that, I'm already on edge, and now there's this, and I'm already on edge, and now there's that. And so it overwhelms your system. So what do you find that helps then in that situation, just waiting or? Well, the mental stuff that we're spoken about, the patience, the tolerance, don't make a decision in a crisis is one of the sayings we have in psychology. So being aware and having a supportive network around you, where if people know what's going on, they can say, all right, I'm not going to react to that person quite so much. Never say, never say it, but just know it mentally. All right, I'm just going to be patient with this because I know it's not the norm. Well, I've never experienced a period in my life, so I can't speak from experience. But I have experienced anxiety and delusions because I eventually was diagnosed with bipolar depression. I had delusions, severe enough in which my technique was to rely on a trusted friend, somebody that could tell it to me straight. So if I'm thinking, at this person is whatever paranoia thought was invading my mind or I was producing my mind at the time, I could trust that this person would give me good little advice, saying, no, don't worry, it's not exactly like you see it. It's just wait and it'll be okay. And that was very useful. So maybe sleep on it. Don't make a decision in a crisis, just sleep on it. But I can sleep. Why do I do this? That's a big one. For me, I tried volume, temacepan, which is stronger than volume, just double the doses. And I didn't like the feeling of it. It helped me sleep, but it was a very interrupted sleep. I tried drinking that didn't help very much because it's interrupted drinking. So I moved on to meditation, gravity lists, breathing, brain and training technologies is where you put sounds. I tried everything. Camel mile, three or four bags of camel mile that different things work on different nights. You know, sometimes even even making sure that you're not too hungry before going to bed helps. And I think on top of that is you don't layer it. So and by that, I mean, don't get anxious about the feelings of anxiety. Because then you've got two layers of anxiety. So or about not sleeping. You know what? I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. And just the ability to kind of accept not being at 100%. And say, there's nothing more I can do at this point. It's okay. There's no point being stressed about your anxiety and then you just said something that reminded me this idea of being at 100%. I was always perfectionist. If you're a perfectionist, you think that there's this ideal feeling that you should be living in. After many decades of life, I can guarantee you there's no such thing. Nobody ever feels the 100% unless they're on drugs. And we do not recommend them. But nobody feels that 100%. It's not possible. You know, there's right now in my life and my stage when I wake up and there's always something hurting, you know, but it's still a good day. You know, a good day is not something where everything is perfect. A good day is a day where you focus on the perfect. But I have heard myself saying something and it feels like some of that, all that, that ancient wisdom from our grandmas is actually so relevant. You know, I said to our son the other day, okay, you had a bad day today. Tomorrow could be better. So simple, but we forget that sometimes it's okay to go. Well, today wasn't the best, but that's okay. Tomorrow I wake up again. Tomorrow's a new day. Tomorrow can be better. Having said that, even within those bad days, if you can find something good, the silver lining from the day, you know, at least I was able to get out and go for a walk. At least I went to the gym. At least I did something. Well, that's where I graduated. You at least helped me a lot because you helped me realize of the thousands of little good things that are in every day. And even in a shitty day, they're there. They're there. And when you start realizing of how much goodness, how much good stuff is surrounding you every day, that's when the negative things take a second place. I hope there's something useful in there for you. Let us know which piece you like the best. What strategies you use. Yeah, remember, we're not perfect. We deal with the same things that you deal with every day. We just work on it every day. And we encourage you to do the same. You know, take care of yourselves. Love yourself and love each other and we love you. Hi, I'm Amy Golding, Director of Psychology for the Workplace Mental Health Institute. We hope you liked the video. If you did, make sure to give it a thumbs up. We have more and more videos being released each week. So when you subscribe, you'll get a notification letting you know when a new one's just been published. So make sure to hit that subscribe button and don't miss out on this vital information for yourself, your colleagues and your loved ones.