"How much do you need to have in common with your significant other?"
We asked the top love experts to give the final word on the most-asked relationship and dating questions. This is "The Final Word."
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transcript of video:
How much do you need to have in common with your significant other?
Is attraction enough?
Is attraction even necessary?
Really good challenging question.
I don't think you need to have everything in common with the person you're dating. It's absolutely fine and actually pretty good if you have some seperate interests.
Common interests are about the most overrated thing that people hang their hooks on when they're looking for a relationship.
You want to have different hobbies and passions from your partner because that's what keeps things interesting and fresh in a marriage.
People think because you like Coldplay or downhill skiing that somehow that this is a sign of compatibility.
You can have your separate interests. While I'm skiing, my wife is in the spa and everybody is happy. You don't have to be clones to be together.
As far as attraction goes, I think attraction is very important in a relationship.
Physical attraction is vital.
Attraction is so high on my list. I say that first dates should be extraordinarily brief and it should be predominantly based around determining whether or not you feel physically attracted to the person.
Attraction is enough to stimulate your passion and get you to commit to someone.
The problem with attraction is it has a short half-life. Statistically speaking, 18-24 months most people's passion has worn off.
It's not just about attraction. It has to be more than that.
People often leap into relationships and marriages; have kids based on that attraction.
The key in terms of what you need to have in overlap is values.
Are my values alligned with this person?
You need to be able determine what your guiding principles are and you should make sure your match shares those.
Is the guy a good partner, lover, companion, and friend? I think those 4 questions tell you a lot about the person you're with.
That's the thing that's going to keep you together. Do you want the same things out of life?
Trust. Honesty. Friendship. Laughter. Family. Money.
You don't have to share in 100% of those, but they have to share in the bulk of those.
So the common interests you should be looking for are wanting the same things out of life and marriage for each other.
Those relationships work regardless of whether they have the 10 attraction, or the 10 in-common interests. You're really looking for a 10 in terms of compatibility.