 Good morning, my beautiful friends! I realized I have not told you a very important story. If you follow me on Instagram, you probably know part of it, but I want to tell you the story of my ankle in the days, weeks. I'm not working so great with words today as that past sentence just proved yet again. What I'm attempting to say is I would like to tell you the story of my foot and ankle and the days leading up to my invitation because I thought, you know what? I'm gonna give it a proper goodbye tour. We went driving in the mountains and then I went walking in the dirt and felt leaves on my feet and then came back and a couple of days later it was snowing and I walked outside in the snow and even though all of those things caused me pain, I knew that it was gonna be the last time I felt non-fantum sensation and pain on that part of my body and it only seemed right to try to experience things that I wouldn't experience again. And I sat at my friend's house in a window trying to calm some of my fears before surgery and her cat jumped up and rubbed against me and again. That did not feel great but I got to feel his fur against my skin and part of me feels like it's like way too over dramatic or whatever the word would be like to give your leg a goodbye tour but whatever that's what I did. And then the day before surgery I called my friends over, my good good good friends who most of whom have known me since all of this started basically like back when I was 13 and they wrote goodbye messages on my ankle. Again that did not feel good and I had them you know not right on the part that was super super painful to touch but I felt like it was only right. And also it serves as a great protective measure against the doctor chopping off the wrong foot like I drew you know a dotted line with a scissor on it because I'm you know I have a dark sense of humor like that. My friend Maggie wrote bye little piggies which is just fabulous and my friend Abby wrote a angry poem to it which was awesome. I think Brian just wrote bye and I wrote a breakup letter to it on the top of my foot saying listen had some good times together and I appreciate everything you've done for me but this isn't working out. And then my mom signed it right before we went into surgery I went into surgery and it felt honestly really cool to be like surrounded I felt like so many people oh I'm gonna like get emotional felt like so many people were like going into surgery with me you know damn it I just put makeup on for the day anyway so I was able to take a moment to say goodbye and I know that a lot of people don't get that and I was very grateful for it. I was also really grateful that the permanent marker stayed on Brian and I stayed in the hotel right by the hospital the night before and then we got coffee on the way to the hospital he got coffee I wasn't allowed to drink coffee which is such a bummer and then we showed up to the hospital about 5 a.m. because my surgery was at 7 and got ready and got it done. So the weird thing though is that I have a friend who actually had surgery by the same doctor had amputation with the same doctor I got connected up with her because she's an amputee she's so awesome and so helpful and answers so many questions for me but she did the same thing she did the same thing before surgery and I had no idea and so I here I thought I was being all original and stuff walking into surgery with cool pictures and messages drawn on my leg nope my surgeon had seen it all before she had done it 3 years prior so that is the story of the last few days with my leg and kind of how I said goodbye to it so hey again this is editing Joe as I am going through this footage I uploaded like all of the footage from pre-surgery last night and I didn't take a look at it before I recorded the video that you just watched and as I'm going through like editing it and splicing it together it is really weird to like see it I think the weirdest thing is that I remember all of the sensations like as I'm watching myself walk through the concrete right outside as it was raining outside and I remember what it feels like to like feel that cold as it mixed with how my foot would feel pain because the nerves were so screwed up I remember what it felt like when people wrote with markers on my foot and again because of like how many surgeries I had the nerves in there were so messed up that everything felt different and weird and numb and painful and just like I remember it all very vividly and it's weird and weirdly uncomfortable not bad just like weirdly uncomfortable watching all of this back because it wasn't that long ago that I this was a part of me that like that was that was a part of my body that was attached to me and man it's just it's really fascinating I think I'm kind of realizing how important of a thing it was to do that silly goodbye tour and how grateful I am to have had a chance to say goodbye because it actually is kind of like an emotional thing to go back through this and I didn't really expect it to be like I thought as I was doing it I was like this is dumb whatever it just seems like a good thing to do and I guess I'll film part of it but I'm really glad I did I'm really glad I have this and it's weird this is weird it's weird guys weird to look down and see two feet attached to me side note I trimmed my toenails last night and it's so weird to just have to do five and not ten isn't like the first time in three months that I trim my toenails just to clarify that like I have done it before it just registered like oh this is so weird I'm done like it takes half the amount of time anyways Sadie and I bid you a lovely rest of your day and I'm sending my love and light your way bye guys so if you watched many of my previous videos you know that I like living in a sea of blankets and you'll notice I'm not the only one this puppy right here also is a big advocate for sea of blanket living she is by far the laziest big angry shepherd you've ever met and the sweetest thing ever unless you're anyone aside from me she will try to eat you