 My fair, is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young his father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Amdicens, brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House. The coffee that's always good to the last drop. Extensive research has proved conclusively that there are two kinds of husbands. One, the husband who takes absolutely no interest whatsoever in household affairs. And two, the husband whose wife wishes he'd mind his own business and leave things alone. In Springfield at the White Frame House on Maple Street, Jim Anderson is about to demonstrate that there is no happy medium like this. Six goes into 36. Six times. Six goes into 42. Seven times. Kathy, why don't you stop that? You know Mother has a headache. But I have to learn my six gazintas. Margaret, could I have another cup of coffee, please? Of course, dear. Bud, stop banging your feet on the table. I wasn't banging my feet, Mom. I was just... Holy cow, look at the time. I gotta go. Come on, Scork. Well, stop pulling me. See you later, everybody. Bud, don't slam the door. Did you call me dad? Never mind. Okay. Mother, why don't you lie down for a while? I'll take care of the dishes. Well, that's very sweet, Betty, but it isn't necessary. All right. I'll come right home in case you need me for anything. All right, dear. Bye, Father. Goodbye, Betty. Your head's still aching, honey. No, it's really nothing, Jim. I don't know why everybody makes such a fuss over a little headache. You'd think I was dying. Margaret. Yes, dear? You know, you haven't been looking very well lately. Well, that's a pleasant way to start the day. How to cheer up your wife in six easy lessons. I don't mean you look that bad. I mean, you just look so tired. Jim, darling, in five years I'll be 40, and then you can swap me in for two twenties. Margaret, I'm being very serious about this. If you want to treat it as a joke. All right, dear, I'll try and be more respectful. Oh, where was I? You were telling me I looked like an old hag. Oh, well, that's not what I said at all. I'm sorry, a young hag. Margaret, I'm merely trying to be helpful. I think I know why you're tired, and I believe I have the answer to the whole problem. You're going to shoot the children. Well, that had occurred to me. But I think I have a better idea. What you need is a housekeeper. Oh, Jim, don't be ridiculous. I don't see anything ridiculous about it at all. The Gilroy's have a housekeeper, and I sell three times as much insurance as he does. Jim, it's not a question of how much insurance you sell. We don't need a housekeeper. And where would she sleep, or haven't you thought of that? Of course I thought of that. She can sleep in the den on the rollaway bed. Jim, I don't want a housekeeper. Then when people like the Edwards come over for dinner, there wouldn't be all the fuss and worry. Jim. Yes, dear? Who are the Edwards? Well, Harry and Grace Edwards, you remember them, don't you? We met them at the Hathaways last week. He's the little stocky fella with the red face. President of the Chamber of Commerce, remember? And they're coming to dinner when? Tomorrow night, didn't I tell you? I could have sworn that... Jim, is there any connection between the Edwards and his sudden passion for a housekeeper? Of course not. I just thought, well, you've been working so hard, and you have a headache, and... There isn't any reason for wanting to impress Mr. Edwards, is there? Or Mrs. Edwards? Margaret, I just finished telling you that the whole thing... Well, after all, Edwards is the head of the Chamber of Commerce, and there's an opening on the board. And Bert Gilroy's trying to get it. Well, the Edwards had dinner with the Gilroy's. And the Gilroy's have a housekeeper, so you thought if we blossomed forth with a housekeeper... Margaret, being on the Chamber of Commerce is a very great honor. I certainly think that it's worth the small expenditure of time and energy. Jim... Yes, Margaret? No, housekeeper. Well, if you'd only listened to me instead of flying off the handle... I'm not flying off the handle. I'm merely telling you simply, quietly, and without emotion, no housekeeper. There was an ad in the paper only last night. No housekeeper. All she wanted was $75 a month, and she'll take complete charge. No housekeeper. She's courteous, efficient, energetic, loyal... No. Wonderful cook, neat as a pin, loves children. Margaret, why don't you give her a trial? Uh, no. Honey, this isn't something you can decide on the spur of the moment. Why don't you think it over? All right, I can't see any harm in that. That's a good girl. Well, I've got to go now. I'll call you right after lunch. All right, dear. Oh, Jim, I've thought it over. Margaret. No, housekeeper. Yes, dear, I'm home. Just put your things down there for a minute, Mrs. Collins. Okay. Nice looking place, ain't it? Well, it's... it's comfortable. The children are all upstairs, and as soon as you're ready, we'll have... Well, hello. Margaret, this is Mrs. Collins. Oh, how do you do? Well, to tell you the truth, I ain't doing so good. My fate's just killing me, and I got a pain in my back that I wouldn't wish on to my first husband. I see, Jim, would you come out into the kitchen with me for a moment? Hey, you got a piano? That's where they got a piano. Show's culture. I'm just nuts about it's culture. Just make yourself at home, Mrs. Collins. We'll only be a minute. Jim Anderson. Now, wait a minute, Margaret. I can explain the whole thing. I don't want any explanation, and I don't want a housekeeper. I told you this morning. But, honey, I hired her last night. I thought you'd be very happy. Oh, I am. I'm the happiest woman in the whole world, and I want you to get that person out of my house. Oh, look, Angel, it isn't worth quarreling about. Nothing is. I know, Jim, but our home's too small for a housekeeper. We don't need one. Now, Margaret, Mrs. Collins can be a great help. Don't you see, Margaret, she's a diamond in the rough. Mrs. Collins is very competent. Why, in one year, she worked for nine of the best families in Springfield. Only nine? She certainly gets around, doesn't she? Well, they just didn't understand her. With a little training, she can be one of the best housekeepers in the whole town. She said so herself. Jim, if we ever take a trip to New York, would you promise me one thing? Don't pay more than $50 for the Brooklyn Bridge. If they're talking yet, it's getting late. I got to get dinner rolling. Mrs. Collins, I've been talking to my husband. Well, why don't you talk to him in the parlor? I just happen to think it's dinnertime, and I got work to do. Hey, some kitchen. Jim. Well, all right, Margaret. Mrs. Collins, I'm awfully sorry, but we've decided that, well, after all, you really won't be comfortable sleeping in the den. Stop worrying about it, will you? I got it all figured out. We can move, uh, what's your boy's name? You mean Bud? Yeah, Bud. We can switch him into the den. I move into his room, and everybody's happy. Well, it's not quite that simple, Mrs. Collins. I told my husband this morning. Hey, wait a minute. When have you been eating breakfast? Well, it ain't a clock, but it really isn't going to make any difference because... Well, from now on, breakfast is going to be a seven o'clock. Now, see here, Mrs. Collins. Wait, Jim. This is becoming very interesting. What else, Mrs. Collins? Well, I ain't nobody's personal maid, so everybody hangs up his own stuff. And if I find any pants hanging on the back of a chair, well, don't be surprised if I just chuck them out the window. Well, don't look at me, Margaret. I don't leave my pants on the chair. No. Go ahead, Mrs. Collins. I think I'm beginning to like the whole idea. Well, I don't mind if you invite folks for dinner. As a matter of fact, I like company, but I got to have 48 hours' notice. That seems logical. Wait a minute. What if it's impossible? What if somebody comes in from out of town? We'll take them to a restaurant. There's lots of restaurants in Springfield. Margaret, if you think I'm going to stand here... Jim, please. Mrs. Collins was talking. Oh, that's okay. I'm finished anyway. Now, why don't you two kids just go inside and relax and I'll start dishing up the food. All right, Mrs. Collins. Come on, kid. Margaret, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you think I'm going to... Jim, you heard, Mrs. Collins. We've got to go inside and relax. That's right. Take it easy. I've got everything under control. Come on, Jim. Mrs. Collins has work to do. Margaret, that woman's impossible. Oh, I don't think so, dear. She's a diamond in the rough, remember? Yeah, but how rough can you get? She wasn't anything like that when I talked to her last night. Well, we'll try it for a while. That's what you want, isn't it? Margaret, I'm going into the kitchen and fire her right now. Why, Jim? That wouldn't be fair. She's worked for nine of the finest families in Springfield and with the Edwards coming to dinner. Oh, no. She can't be around then. Wasn't that the general idea? We've got to impress the Edwards and unless I'm very much mistaken, they'll be impressed. Oh, Margaret, can't we... Hey, Jim! Jim? Well, that was quite an about phase for Mother Anderson. If only Father had talked to her first, there wouldn't have been any argument. And the way things are going, it doesn't look as though she'll brook any arguments from Father. And I don't think I'll run into any argument on this point. I say when you buy coffee, just one thing means real value. It's flavor. The flavor you get for your money. An extra flavor is what you do get in our Maxwell House coffee. That wonderful, good-to-the-last-drop flavor no other coffee has to offer. No coffee but Maxwell House. And here's why that's so. It's our recipe. The only recipe under the sun for that good-to-the-last-drop flavor. It calls for certain fine varieties of coffee blended together a very particular way. It's the one way, the one way you get it's the one way, the one recipe for that famous Maxwell House flavor. That extra flavor that's made our coffee America's favorite brand. So today, when you really want the most in flavor for every penny you spend, Maxwell House is now more than ever your coffee buy. Just open up that familiar blue tin of Maxwell House tomorrow. See how much enjoyment, how much real value you get from the coffee that's always good to the last drop. A day is passed as days have a habit of doing and once again it's dinner time in the White Frame House on Maple Street. This time, however, it's a special dinner with company, the children stashed away in the breakfast nook and a uniformed housekeeper to wait on table. Mr. Edwards, President of the Springfield Chamber of Commerce says In the last four years, Anderson, bank clearances in the greater Springfield area have increased a total of almost 9.2% and that's progress. To which Jim Anderson replies, it certainly is Mr. Edwards, that's a progress if I ever heard it. At which point the new housekeeper, Mrs. Collins, observes. Now why don't you two stop gabbing and eat your soup? Mrs. Collins, I think I smell something burning in the kitchen. Ah, it's your imagination dear, everything's all closed. Say Jim. Yes, Mrs. Collins? All right, could I take off this funny looking cap? I don't mind the uniform, but this hat's driving me nuts. Mrs. Collins, why don't you wait in the kitchen until we call you? I can't hear anything in the kitchen. What do you want to do? Talk about me? Go ahead, I don't mind. I think you'd better go into the kitchen. Okay. You finished, Mrs. Edwards? Yes, thank you. Look, dearie, if I was you, I'd lay off the bread. With a shape like yours, it's murder. Well, really? Mrs. Collins, will you please go into the kitchen? Okay. I'm sorry, Mr. Edwards, you were saying something about progress. I was? Oh, yes, yes. I was, wasn't I? The Chamber of Commerce feels that its contribution to the progress of Great Springfield is... Keep right on, Mr. Edwards, it's very interesting. What is? Well, whatever you were going to say. Um, hasn't the weather been beautiful, Mrs. Edwards? I haven't noticed, really. When you're as busy as I am, you know, club work, each hour it is. Yes, indeed. Grace manages to keep herself pretty busy. Hey, getting so, I have to make an appointment to see her myself. You, uh, don't have any children, do you, Mr. Edwards? No, I'm sorry to say that Mrs. Edwards and I have never been best. Ah, that was my cousin, Betty, on the phone. She's just a scream. I'm sure she must be, Mrs. Collins, and I believe we're ready for the next course. You know, she was just telling me... Mrs. Collins, we're ready for the next course. Okay, I heard you. Kathy, you get back inside where you belong. Can't you see we got company? Yes, ma'am. That's the trouble with kids nowadays. They don't know their place. Shall I have your plate over with you, Jim? I'll answer it, Mrs. Collins. Nah, you stay right where you are. What do you think you're paying me for? That's a reasonable question, isn't it, Jim? Yes, indeed. You get a couple of kids in the house and you... Oh, hello, Nikki. Yes, indeed. Mrs. Collins has an endless assortment of talents. Hasn't she, Jim? All right, Margaret, you don't have to rub it in. Just a little, Jim, my husband brought home for polishing. Mrs. Anderson, I'm afraid that we... Yeah, that's all right. Ain't it 60-40 for two? I sure can pick them, hey. And you kids play the races. Harry, I have an awful headache. I know, dear. The way I feel, a headache would be a relief. Mrs. Collins, if nothing more important comes up in the next few minutes, could we please have some food? Okay, but you take it from me. You're skipping a good thing if you miss little Jeff in the fourth tomorrow. Mrs. Collins, if you don't hurry up, we'll be ready to eat, little Jeff, tonight. Gross beef is coming up! Good night, Mrs. Anderson. It was a lovely evening. One I'll never forget. Oh, I'm sure of that. Good night, Anderson. And Mrs. Anderson, it was... Well, good night. Good night, Mr. Anderson. Good night, sir. We'll have to get together again real soon. Yes, indeed. Yes, sometimes soon. Good night. Quiet, isn't it? Margaret, I... I don't know what to say. I was wrong and I'm sorry. I think that woman's insane. Oh, no, dear. She's just, well, uninhibited. She likes to speak her mind. What mind? She's got the brain of a half-witted hyena. And if she had the least bit of decency, she'd give it back. Jim. Did you see the look on Mrs. Edwards' face when Collins told her she needed a new girdle? Oh. Oh, that was nothing. You should have seen Edwards when she told him he could use one, too. Jim, I can't help it, but I think they were the stumpiest people I've ever met. She told Edwards. She said she thought it out. Hi, everybody's having a good time. Themselves. You live longer that way. Mrs. Collins, I'd like to speak to you, if I may. Talks nice, Donnie. Go ahead, kid. Thank you. Mrs. Collins, I'm not usually one to complain, but... Complain? Well, go ahead. If you feel you got a beef coming, just spread it right out. That's the way it ought to be. Everything out in the open. All the cards right out there on the table. Now, I don't go for this sabon in the back routine. I want to hear them. It's your house. I'm more confused with anything you don't like. All you got to do is just tell me. How? Jim, you'll wake the children. Look, you don't have to yell at me. Just talk and I'll listen. Mrs. Collins, there are a great many things I could say, and a great many ways in which I could say them. But since all of the things I have to say, and all of the ways in which I would say them, add up to one and the self-same thing, I say to you now from the very bottom of my heart, you are fired. Jim, you know in my whole life, that's the nicest way I ever got canned. Just a moment, Mrs. Collins. I'm afraid you don't understand. My husband fired you. You don't work here anymore. I know, but I still got to go to sleep. You will not sleep here, Mrs. Collins. We want you to go away. Now, you're discharged. You're the most discharged person we've ever had in this house. Now, will you please pack up your things and get out? Jim, I'm surprised at you. A smart man like you with a nice home and a nice family, why, you ought to know more about the law. You can't fire me. I got to have a week's notice. I'm giving you a week's notice. I'll pay your wages for a whole week, only please go away. But I like it. It ain't just the wages, Jim. I'm supposed to get room and bored. I'll give you two weeks' wages. I don't think so. You got a piano and I can call my bookie on the phone and it's like a vacation, okay? Margaret. Mrs. Collins, is there anything I can do to... Sure. Call me when breakfast is ready. Margaret. Yes, dear? When I start giving out awards for the world's prize idiot, be sure and tell him about me. Oh, Jim, darling, you're an idiot, but you'd never take any prize. I certainly would. Well, I won't argue, dear. After all, father knows best. Well, father certainly plunged into that head over heels. Now, how sorry he is. Just goes to show it always pays to look before you leave. On that score, when it comes to buying a pound of coffee, it certainly pays to look for flavor the most in flavor for every penny you spend. After all, flavor is what you're paying for and we don't think you can beat the famous flavor we pack into every pound of Maxwell House. But here's my point. Air can steal coffee flavor and ordinary containers like paper bags can't prevent roasted coffee from losing flavor, whether it's ground or whole bean. That's why we take our Maxwell House fresh and fragrant from the roasting ovens and carefully vacuum pack it in the familiar blue tin. It's the only way you're guaranteed coffee that's fresh and full flavored as the hour it was roasted. So be sure you get all the flavor and fragrance you pay for. Your money's worth and more. You always will with Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. This world is not so bad a world as some would like to make it. The whether good or whether bad depends on how we take it. A week's gone by and we find Jim Anderson walking along a busy street in downtown Springfield. The Chamber of Commerce is still dear to his heart and he is not what you'd call a particularly happy man like this. It serves me right. That's what it does. Make a fool of myself in front of Edwards. Spoil my chances of getting on the board. Gosh, I wanted that spot on the Chamber of Commerce. But I could have made about important things too. I could have said things like ladies and gentlemen it's an established fact that everybody wants a different thing. A farm, a store, a college education for their children or maybe they just want to retire and go fishing. But there's one thing everybody wants security and there's one way one sure way for each and every one of us to get it. Save for your independence by United States savings bonds. That's what I could have told them. I could have said buy bonds automatically if you can on the payroll savings plan or the bond a month plan at your bank. They're like cash on hand and they return you $4 for every $3 you invest. Buy United States savings. Save for your independence and start now. Then I could have said. I say, Anderson. Huh? Oh, hello Mr. Edwards. I didn't see you. I thought if you weren't in any great hurry we might take a stroll together. A little matter has come up that I'd like to discuss with you. Why, of course, Mr. Edwards. It'll be a very great pleasure. You know, Anderson we never did get down to a discussion of business at your house the other night. Oh, Mr. Edwards, I wanted to explain about that. You see. Shut, shut my boy. No need to explain. I understand completely. As you know, Anderson, there's a vacancy on the board of the Chamber of Commerce and well, yours if you want it. If I want it. Mr. Edwards, of course I want it and thank you very much. Oh, it's nothing, nothing at all. Tell me, Anderson, that Mrs. Collins, is she still with you? No. Finally got rid of her this morning. This morning. That's too bad. Oh, I don't think we could have taken it another day. She had the whole family waiting on her hand and foot all week. You see, you wouldn't know how I could get in touch with it. Well, I might. I think she left the forwarding address with Margaret. But why? Well, I wouldn't want this to get around, Anderson. Oh, of course not. I won't say a word. Well, I followed that bit of advice Mrs. Collins gave me about little Jeff, you know, and I won $64. Did you know now there's an instant coffee with roaster fresh pure coffee flavor. It's instant Maxwell House. The instant coffee with a famous flavor, the happiest combination in coffee. Wonderful good to the last drop flavor combined with the convenience and thrift of coffee made instantly in the cup. Unlike most instant coffees, it's all rich pure coffee. Nothing added. Tomorrow try the instant coffee with a famous flavor. Instant Maxwell House. Simply good to the last drop. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best. Starring Robert Young is Jim Anderson with Roy Vargy in the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly Bill Foreman. Don't forget membership cards for the Robert Young Good Drivers Club are waiting for you at your local NBC station. Get a man to man or dad to daughter pledge and sign up today. Be a good driver. Get your membership card in the Robert Young Good Drivers Club today. Now until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House. America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned for Screen Guild Theater which follows immediately over most of these stations. Yes, this is your invitation to stay tuned for Screen Guild Theater next on NBC.