 J.P.F.F.F.O. The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The August Robins of Program with you walked by. Friends, there's one statement I think explains better than any other, just why those new Jell-O puddings are so popular everywhere. It's simply this. Jell-O puddings are made by the makers of Jell-O, so you'll know they're good. People know that when they see the name Jell-O, they can expect the best. And when they take their first taste of Jell-O puddings, they find those same expectations fulfilled to the last degree. Because Jell-O puddings, ladies and gentlemen, offer you the same high quality, the same delightful goodness, the same easy preparation and economy that has made Jell-O a 40-year favorite of the American family. Jell-O puddings are delicious puddings that take only a few ticks of the clock to make. Simply add milk, cook for about five minutes, and cool. And you're all ready to sit down to one of the grandest puddings anybody ever tasted. So try these rich, creamy Jell-O puddings real soon in all three flavors. Chocolate, vanilla, and butterscotch. The very next time you ask your grocer for Jell-O, ask him for Jell-O puddings too. You just can't imagine a finer treat than smooth, luscious Jell-O puddings. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to present a man I have been associated with for many years and whom I am proud to call my friend. Oh, sure. He invites his friend over to his house and leaves his friend standing out in the rain. A man whose generosity and forgiving nature permits him to harbor no grudge against anyone. Anyone but you. You don't have to give me that soft soap. I was in bed with a cold for a week. Now, Jack, please, I bring you a man who always... A man who, a man who. Get it over with, you big fat hypocrite. Well, go ahead. Jack, if you don't stop interrupting, I won't introduce you at all. Well, wouldn't that be a tragedy? I think I'll tie my shoelaces together and hang myself. He won't introduce me boo-hoo-hoo. Oh, nuts. Goodbye. You hear the way he slammed the door, Mary? Yeah. And darn near broken. I'm going to tell Mr. Swallow, the boss of NBC, on him. Why, Jack, you're the biggest baby I ever saw. Imagine being mad at Wilson. Well, who wouldn't be? She's right, Jackson. Why don't you and Don kiss and make up? I wouldn't kiss Don Wilson if I was a French general. You know, you fellas can talk because none of you suffered. But I was in bed a whole week with a cold. A cold, he says. That's what it was, Dennis, a very severe cold. And my physician said that if I didn't have such a rugged constitution, I never would have pulled through. Oh, what does that horse doctor know? Dr. Leroy treats human beings, too. Although I wish he'd stop calling my legs withers. Anyway, I'm just lucky that I have such a strong physique. You sure have, Jack. You're built like a football player. Oh, I wouldn't say that. All right, a football. Now, don't be silly, Mary, because I've got a wonderful build. I'll unbutton my shirt and show you. Don't bother. It's no bother. There. There you are. Get a load of that chess. What's that running through at Benedict Canyon? Now, wait a minute, Phil, before you take a bow on that. You know all those physical culture magazines that you see on the newsstands? Well, just a few years ago, I used to pose for those muscle ads. Oh, don't give me that stuff. That's the truth. I used to pose for muscle ads, didn't I, Mary? Only your head. My body, too. What about that picture of me in a leopard skin where I was hanging from a trapeze by my teeth? Yeah, that was a swell set. What they ever became of them? Oh, Mary, you're so funny. I bet you used to keep the girls and stitches at the May Company. You know, Mary, sometimes I wonder if... Well, he's back again. Did you forget something, Mr. Wilson? No, I just came back to see if you'd calm down and out to get the show started. Calm down? You were the one that walked out, not me. Well, who wouldn't? You've been treating me as though the whole thing was my fault. Well, I'll be down. Let's go back two weeks ago tonight. If you remember, we were all standing where we are right now, weren't we? I was standing over there by the piano. All right, the piano. Now, if you remember, Don, you said, I want you all to come over to the house and meet my wife. Is that right? Yes, but I... Phil, is that correct? Sure, but why the... Now, Mary, you heard the entire conversation, didn't you? Oh, Jack, if you don't... You heard every word of it. Now, what did I say to Don Wilson when he invited us to his house? You said, call up your wife. That's exactly what I said. Call her up, you said. If I said it once, I said it five times. Let's not barge in on the little woman. Would you listen to me, Don? Now, wait a minute, Jack. No, you had to be a wise guy. Oh, what's the use? Goodbye! If he thinks he's going to get paid for tonight, he's crazy. You better be careful the way he's slamming that door. Say, Jack, you ought to stop being so silly and make up with Don. What'll a sponsor think? Oh, he'll never know unless somebody tells him. Don't worry. You mean the sponsor never listens to our program? Oh, once in a while. Then why do I go to the trouble of making those terrific musical arrangements? They cost me a fortune. Phil, any money you spend on your musical arrangements should be spent on having your head examined. Now, how about playing one of your beautiful arrangements right now? Okay, what would you like to hear? I can play anything from Wagner to Schmogner. Well, I recognize Wagner as a great composer, Phil, but who is Schmogner? Hot-lick Schmogner. He's my trumpet player. Oh, does Hot-lick write songs, too? Sure, he wrote a lot of things. Dreamboat serenade, the La Brea Pit Stomp. Hmm, what else? Well, he wrote, when the blue birds come back to Blueberry Hill, I'll be blue, oh, so blue over you, Sue. You went right through the chorus with that, didn't you? Well, that trumpet player of yours is original, isn't he? Yeah, he wrote another thing called I Dream of Jeannie with the light brown hair. Now, wait a minute. Stephen Foster wrote I Dream of Jeannie with the light brown hair. Well, this one is H.A.R.E. She's got a rabbit with her all the time. Oh, the light brown Belgian hair, I see. Well, go ahead, Phil. Don't play anything. Knock, knock, knock, knock. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Now, this may surprise you, but there was a song written about me, too. What is it? I Dream of Jeannie with no hair at all. Goodbye. You know, I've seen an orange with a better pompadour than he's got. Play, Phil. Harris and his happy-go-lucky orchestra. Happy meaning they're a bunch of jolly good fellows. Go meaning they're always on the job raring to go. And lucky meaning, boy, are they. And that goes for Schmogner, too. Bad humor, man. Say, Phil, you played that number about four weeks ago, didn't you? Yeah, I like to ring them bells. Well, you did it beautifully. You know, Phil, if you ever sell ice cream bars, and I think you will. You'll be all set. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I have a very important announcement to make, and that is that next Sunday night, our broadcast will come to you from New York City. You know, fellas, we're leaving tomorrow. Oh, boy, New York nightclubs, women. Dennis, your mother's going with you. Oh, boy, New York, the aquarium grants tomb. That's more like it. You know, I'm thrilled myself. I always get a kick out of New York. I really dissipate there. Look who dissipates, whether it's New York, Hollywood, or Waukegan, then he's in bed by 10 o'clock. No, I am. Well, what about last year when you, Phil Harris, and I went to the store club? We stayed and stayed and stayed until the place closed. Sure, Phil wouldn't pick up the check either. That's so. Then poor Dennis walked in, and you made him pay. That was a fine for catching him up so late. Besides, I straightened it out with Dennis later. He gave me three Peruvian stamps. How do I know they're worth $45? Never mind, big boy. Say, uh, big boy yet to Dennis, huh? Say, Jackson, I meant to tell you, I don't think I'll be able to go to New York with you. Why not? Well, I can't leave night school. I'll get too far behind. Oh, you and your night school. It won't hurt you to give it up for a couple of weeks. Ah, nothing done. Take history, for instance. History? Yeah. I'm up to Napoleon at Waterloo, and I want to see how it comes out. Phil, Napoleon lost at Waterloo. Says you. Says me. He says everybody else in your book if you'd open it. Napoleon lost. Well, I guess all I can do is pay up. Pay up? Yeah, I bet a guy across the aisle ate the five he'd win. You should have got seven points on that. Too bad you lost, Phil. Oh, that's all right. I cleaned up on Dewey at Manila. You're the only guy I know of who would make book on history. Anyway, you're going to New York with us, so start packing. And if you think of it, take along one suit where the coat matches the pants. Do they come that way? Yes, believe me. And now, ladies and gentlemen, oh, he's here again. Yes, I'm here again. Now listen, Don Wilson. I'm going to tell Mr. Swallow, the boss of NBC, the way you've been slamming that door every time you go out. You do, and I'll tell him you put a slug in the Apple Machine. Slugged nothing. It was a buffalo nickel. It was a slug. It was a buffalo nickel. Then how come it said good for one bear on it? Because the buffalo was thirsty and shut up. Anyhow, you're nothing but a big fat tablet. I resent that. Goodbye. Mary goes again. Say, Jack, you better make up with Don or he won't go to New York with you. Who cares? He'd probably squash Dennis anyway. Squash Dennis? You mean you've got them in the same berth? I'm running this trip. Don is sharing a berth with Dennis. Phil, you're bunking with me. And Mary, you're going to have a berth all by yourself. That's mighty wide of you. Just be glad you're going along. Hey, wait a minute. I thought of something else, Jackson. If I go to New York, I can't be in our night school play. Your night school play? Yeah, we're putting on a Christmas fantasy. Oh, brother. Guess what part do you play in this fantasy, Phil? I'm a shrub. You're a what? I'm a shrub. A shrub. One of them little guys with wings. That's a tarot. A shrub. Now, Phil, you're coming to New York with us and somebody else can wear those wings. The premiere of Love Thy Neighbor is a little more important than a night school play. Jack, look. There he is, Mr. Swallow. Well, I'll be. Oh, hello, Mr. Swallow. Listen, Jack, what's this I hear about you putting a slug in the Apple machine? See you later, Wilson. Now, Mr. Swallow, I wasn't a slug at all. It was a buffalo nickel. Buffalo, smuffalo. Don't put them in the machine. Okay, okay. And another thing, Jack. I wish you wouldn't park your Maxwell in front of this nice new building. There's a parking lot next door. They refused it. They did not. All right, Mr. Swallow, I'll put it on the lot. I hope you're satisfied. Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye. He thinks Bob Hope is the funniest guy in the world. That's why he's mad at me. That reminds me, I got a bone to pick with him, too. What do you sort Bob Hope for, Jackson? I know why. Never mind. He told Brenda and Cabina not to go out with Jack. I never asked those two dames for a date in my life, although Brenda's made several passes at me. And Kobe, too. Well, Mr. Wilson, I suppose you're proud of yourself. Now, if you haven't anything else to expose, you can go home to the little woman. Tatl to her, too. Well, before I go, I've got a job here, and I'm going to do it. All right, go ahead and do it. Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you're in the mood for attempting an appetizing dessert, why don't you go to your neighborhood grocer and ask him for a package of jello? What do you think they're going to ask for? A girdle? Some surprise a package of jello. It's not only economical and easy to make, but comes in six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, lime. I know that, too. Another surprise. Quiet, you! Why on your tattletail? So always look for the big red letters on the tattletail. Goodbye! Oh, boy, has he burned up. There's a guy that really can't take it. I think it's a shame the way you're treating Mr. Wilson. Oh, you do, you little trainer. You little trader. Those are my bifocals. Yes, sing your number, and I'll do the thinking around here. Now, what's it going to be? One of Mr. Schmardner's latest songs. Oh, no, you're not. You sing what you're supposed to. OK. Now, go ahead. I never thought that Wilson would turn out to be a stool picker. Rotary luncheon, army and name, any place would be the same. Out in the country, up in the land of... Here's a new picture sung by Dennis Day. And just think, Dennis, next week you'll be singing from New York City 3,000 miles away. Let's go to Peru. I want to cash in those stamps. I'll give you a good pinch if you don't watch out. You know, it's pretty cold back east, Dennis, so I advise you to take along some warm underwear. You'll need them. Are you going to take long underwear with you, Mr. Benny? Take them. He's wearing them now. You're only guessing, Mary. The underwear I happen to have on only goes to my knees. Yeah, but when we hit Chicago, you'll roll them down. You said it. I'm not going to catch another cold. You saw what happened to me two weeks ago. Hey, Jackson, are you going to take your coon skin cap to New York? Oh, sure. If it's cold enough, I'll wear it. Even to the premiere? If it's cold enough? If it's cold enough, I'll wear it. Sign in front of the theater. Love thy neighbor, starring Fred Allen and Kit Carson. Mary, in the first place, I don't look anything like Kit Carson. In the second place, don't mention Fred Allen's name and connection with the picture. Stooges don't get billing. I don't blame you for being mad at him, Mr. Benny, after that gag he pulled about you Wednesday night. What was it? I heard it. Allen said you were so low you could read by the light of a hot foot. Very amusing. Who laughed louder at the joke, Phil? Allen or the audience? Allen? I thought so. You know, Allen is the only comic and radio who can think of a joke, tell it, laugh at it, then run out in the middle of the broadcast and send himself a wire saying, even better than last week. You know, he doesn't need a studio audience at all. Then why does he have so many people there? He sells them hot dogs during the commercials. That's quite a sideline for him. Come in. Hey, Jack, here comes your veterinary. Mary, I told you he's not just a vet. Hello, Doc. Well, well, and how's my little man this beautiful, wootiful day? Your little man is fine-sy-wine-sy. I told you, Doc, I don't need you anymore. My cold is cured. Now, now, don't be too sure. I am sure. I had a cold in my chest and it's gone. Oh, that's silly. It must be around here someplace. Oh, go away, will you, Doc? I'm all cured and I feel great. Well, he's here, Jack. Why don't you let him look you over? Mary, I don't need a doctor anymore. Tell you, I feel... I feel... Fine. There, you see? You're still coughing. That's a sneeze. Oh, that's right. Sneezing is with the nose and coughing is with the mouth. Yes, yes, exactly. Now, please go away. Well, before I go, I'll have to give you a cold shot. That'll prevent you from sneezing again. Now, Doc, I haven't time for a shot. I'll just fill my hypodermic needle. You're not going to stick that needle in me. Oh, let him, Jack. He knows what he's doing. Yeah, but I don't need it, Mary. I'm okay. Now, hold still and I'll put this needle right in your arm. Wait till I roll up my sleeve. Never sausage an impatient... There, easy now. This won't hurt a bit. Here we go. There, that'll fix you up fine. Now, that didn't hurt, did it? Did too. My arm hurts like anything. Should I kiss it for you? Don't bother. All right, I'll drop around tomorrow and see how you feel. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you going to take the needle out of my arm? Pull it out. Oh, yes. I lose more darn needles that way. Too bad. Now, hold still. Wow. There we are. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. See you tomorrow. I don't need you anymore. That's what Errol Flynn said in the next day, is beagle hound head pups. Well, it's your own fault, Jack. Why don't you get a real physician? Listen, Mary, Dr. Leroy brought Carmichael to the measles so he can certainly take care of my little cold. You just forgetful, that's all. Well, here comes malicious again. Do you find any more things to tattle to, Mr. Swallow? No, Jack. Let's stop acting like a couple of babies in makeup. You're the baby, not me. Gee, after all, we've got to go to New York together and I'm all broken up about this. Oh, yeah. Come on, Jack. This is the first fight we've ever had. Let's bury the hatchet and shake hands. Well, I'll make up with you on one condition. What's that? That the next time I say to you, Don, don't you think you ought to call up your wife? Call her up. That's all I ask. Oh, I will, Jack. I promise. OK, Don. I forgive you. Now, fellas, we're all leaving from the Union Station tomorrow night. And I want you all lined up at gate number nine so when I call Errol, there won't be any confusion. That goes for you too, Wilson. OK. Now, Mary, you bring the sandwiches. Dennis, you bring the potato salad and Phil. I'll bring a jar of ants. We might as well make a picnic out of them. You bring a thermos bottle full of coffee. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rochester. What do you want? I've been packing for a trip to New York and you know that tweed suit you want to take along? Yes. Remember, you told me to press the pants? Uh-huh. Well, you've got an odd coat now. Oh, my goodness. Rochester, why is it? Because you're always burning my pants. It's that gas pattern. You ought to take the tip from Edison. Remember, so anyone's so careless. Now, Rochester's going to be pretty cold in the East. So I want you to pack my big, heavy overcoat. That overcoat's pretty old, boys. And besides, we haven't got room in the trunk. It's not so old. And if the trunk is full, wrap up the coat and send it parcel-posed. Parcel-posed? Yes. There's enough moss in it to fly air mail. Well, that coat wouldn't be in such bad shape if you put moss balls in it like I told you to. More balls wouldn't scare them balls away. They would, too. I threw a handful in there and what they didn't eat, they juggled. Oh, stop. Now, Rochester, one more thing. When we get to New York, I'm going to hit all the hotspots. You know, I'll be stepping out a lot. Stepping out, he says. Well, I will be. So I want you to pack my white tie, top hat, and tails. You mean tails. I mean tails. That's tail, boss. One of them got caught in the trunk. Well, pack it anyway. I can have it fixed in New York. We go through Waukegan. My father can fix it. Now, that's about all. I'll see you later. Goodbye, Rochester. Goodbye. Wait a minute. Here's something else, Rochester. Be sure and pack my coon skin cap. I'll need that. I meant to tell you, boss, I'm having a little trouble with that coon skin. What's wrong? Well, the one thing I can't catch it. Now, get that out. I'd like to travel just once without trouble. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Now, listen, fellas, remember, everybody be at the station tomorrow night on time. And so we don't have any duplications. Mary, you bring the cosmopolitan. Phil, you bring the Esquire. Dennis, you bring the red book. Wilson, you bring the American magazine. And I'll get liberty in the Saturday evening post. After the most successful stage plays have finished their first run, they're very often brought back by popular demand for a return engagement. Well, the same thing is true of desserts. Take Jello's newest dessert recipe, jellied figs. Now, there's something the whole family will want to enjoy as a regular treat, because it's so good looking and so delicious. And since you'll have to serve it again and again, you'll be glad to hear that it's mighty easy to make. Just prepare one package of strawberry jello, as usual, and a chill until slightly thickened. Fold in one cup of sliced stewed figs. Then mold and serve plain or with whipped cream. The result is a rich tempting dessert, simple yet clever, delicious, and yet very inexpensive. And by the way, if you haven't enjoyed strawberry jello recently, try it soon. You'll find it better than ever, because strawberry jello, like raspberry jello, has a new improved flavor obtained by using a natural flavor base artificially enhanced. And that's one reason strawberry jello has such a grand extra goodness. So get a package tomorrow and make this swell blend of sweet juicy figs and a bright rosy pink strawberry jello. This is the last number of the 10th program of the current jello series. And we'll be with you next Sunday night, broadcasting from the Ritz Theater in New York City. Good night, folks. ["Disturbing No Sound"] How disturbing those sounds are when you, and how often you are sleepless because you drank ordinary coffee instead of sanka coffee. Sanka coffee has the sleep-disturbing caffeine taken out, and it's wonderfully mellow and fragrant. It's real coffee, so drink sanka and you'll never lose a wink of sleep. Sanka coffee presents we the people over another network every Tuesday evening. This is the National Broadcasting Company.