 It's Lloyd here with the single guy and I have a very special guest here, Mr. Jeremy. Jeremy runs a men's personal development brand. He's helping out a lot of guys out there achieve the dreams that they're looking for in life, get the most out of life. Without further ado, I'll let Jeremy take it away and describe him best. Yo, what's up, everyone? My name is Jeremy. I'm the founder of JeremyJohn.com. And for me, what I do is I help men become their strongest selves so they can be unstoppable in creating the relationships and success they desire. And I'm super stoked to be on the show and to offer mainly Asian guys dating advice that actually fucking works and doesn't suck. Jeremy helps out a lot of guys out there and he does help a lot of Asian guys succeed in the dating world. And the number one question, or not kind of question, more of a concern is that a lot of Asian guys out there, they're worried that when it comes to like race, races, they're at the bottom peg. They're like, Asian guys are seen as like the bottom of the bottom of the list. The only girls that they can get are other Asian girls. And even then they're not seen as like, you know, the most viable option. So what do you have to say for guys that have those concerns or are thinking that they have these negative mindsets? What do you have to say for them? I would say stop being so fucking analytical. No, I'm like dead serious because like I wouldn't I'm going to I'm going to give it to you guys straight. Yes, it is generally speaking harder as Asian guy. I'm not going to lie to you and say like, oh, race is a figment of your imagination. It does fucking matter. Things will be tougher. But the thing I would say is stop thinking about it so much because it actually distracts you from really working on yourself. And if I had to really like give them a vice, I would say your focus should be on becoming the strongest version of yourself. I'm not just saying that because of my brand. But yeah, I used to like I read all that shit. I used to read all the studies that OK Cupid studies on how, you know, Asian guys are the least responded to race on OK Cupid. I read all the studies on how like I think there was a stat that Asian guys have to make $247,000 more than a white guy to date the same type of women. 270. 247,000. 247,000. I know, right? And I'm just like, first of all, who came up with this shit? Second of all. That's not fake. It does sound kind of fake, but it's such like a fucking waste of time because I've coached a lot of Asian guys, right? And the biggest thing that stops them is when they get in their head and they start coming up with reasons on why it's so hard. And I want to just straight up tell you it is harder, but that means you got to work harder and find a unique way to start attracting the women you want. Because if you think about it practically, like just thinking that you're lower than people doesn't fucking help you. It's not even practical. And for a lot of Asian guys, there actually are Asian guys that are doing well. They are successful with their dating lives. And it's because they're willing to put themselves out there time and time again. They're willing to fail over and over again. More than most people are willing to fail and that's what makes them successful. This might get some people encouragement out there. So I went to UCSB for college, predominantly white, 50% white. I think it was like maybe three to 5% Asian. Out of all the UCs, it has the least amount of Asians. Yeah, it's predominantly white. And so I remember I was on a party bus and I was talking to this really hot like super vine blonde girl. And this guy comes on the bus and he had this like kind of stupid grin. He was maybe 5'2", 5'3", Asian and like really Asian. And then I'm talking to this girl, I think it's going well. And no joke, this guy stole my girl away from me. And I know for a fact, she did not know this guy before she got on the bus. He just came in, his energy was right. He was a fun dude. I was just sitting there being boring. And he straight up took this hot blonde girl who was like maybe like 5... She was way taller than him. She was like 5'9", 5'7", or something like that. Way taller than him. He takes this girl. And then I saw... I was like, I can't mess this with your mind till you're like, I gotta know if this guy really slept with her. And so I ended up seeing... We ended up getting back on the bus and I saw her go back to his place. And I was like, God damn it. I was like, that's when it really showed me that it doesn't... Sure, there are factors that are gonna make it harder for you. There's gonna be things that are gonna be in your way. But dude, that's a perfect example of that guy did not care one single bit about his situation. He was gonna get the most out of it. So, what types of things do you think help... What types of things do you see Asian guys succeeding and Asian guys not succeeding? Do you find that it's people that fall into those negative thoughts that really don't succeed and people that are able to get out of it that help them succeed? Yeah, that's a really good question. And for me, I would say the guys that succeed are the ones that are able to deal with the negative thoughts. And persist. I mean, it sounds really cliche. I hate to sound like a cliche, like, you know, motivation. If you believe it, you can achieve it. Just keep going through hell of your inhale, whatever that fucking quote is, right? And, you know, like, it's kind of the thing when you hear it, you're like, oh, fuck this guy. Like, it's another Asian dating coach that says, like, you know, become stronger, work out harder, and fuck your excuses. But the guys that succeed are the ones that are able to just get out there enough to find the girls that do like them if they're Asian or not Asian. And they keep working on themselves and they don't let excuses hold them back. Because, yeah, maybe if you were to, let's say, move to Los Angeles or New York, maybe you might have a better chance. But at the very core, the willingness to always change and evolve yourself is what I notice makes these Asian guys successful. The other thing is most of them are fit. Now, I'm not saying you need to be fit and that looks, like, don't matter or looks matter a lot, but honestly, I fucking hate seeing those, like, the Reds and, like, Facebook groups on, like, dating advice where the guys are like, dude, looks matter and then, you know, everyone's flaming each other. Like, it fucking helps. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, thank you for saying that. Yeah, it fucking helps to look sexy as fuck, to have a good haircut. If you have tattoos that adds edge. I would say a lot of my guy friends are Asian that also do well. We kind of joke that our best inner game tip is to fucking work out because you just, like, you respect yourself, right? You're taking care of yourself. You look good. Women recognize that when your shirt's off and all that shit. And that helps a lot to, I hate to say get validation, but to get, like, that proof that people find you attractive. The people that don't succeed are the guys who are usually really led by fear. They're just, like, so scared of going out there. They're also really analytical and always trying to support the belief that, you know, we're on the bottom of the totem pole. And, again, I did say, like, it matters, but they're so fixated on finding evidence about it and, like, trying to, you know, use strategies. And the real problem behind that is they're not willing to fail. Or they're like, yeah, you know what, I like talk to 10 girls. They rejected me. Women in L.A. are cunts. Women in L.A. suck. You know, no one likes Asian guys. And I'm just like, well, the reality is, you don't know. By the way, by the way, okay. So when I go up and talk to 10 girls and 10 of them don't like me, that's L.A. Like, a lot of the girls in L.A. are just being mean because they're being mean. It's not anything to do with race. So, yeah. Yeah, and, like, they just, like, come up with more and more excuses. Like, I hate to say it, but, you know, like, a lot of times, as Asian guys, I can relate, you know, it might sound like I'm being a little bit of a bro, like, just fucking go out there and talk to girls. But I understand why you want to understand women and, like, break down the racial barrier and, like, figure out this fucking strategy that, you know, is scientifically tested with, like, the scientific method. Yeah, right? Like, what's the null hypothesis and all that shit. But the thing about it is being in your head doesn't help you when attracting women, right? And the other thing I would want to say is it's possible to be right factually, but is it helpful for you? And that's the biggest thing. I think, like, they get so caught up in, like, the content they don't actually see how, like, overanalyzing this shit is actually hurting them because you're going to obviously find what you're looking for. You're going to find most of us saying, like, yeah, you know, it's harder for an Asian guy. Like, girls don't find them as attractive. And then you're going to go out feeling like shit, feeling like you have to fucking prove yourself. And that's not a good state to go out in. Yeah. Exactly. And kind of related to that point. So a lot of the guys that, you know, I grew up as someone who didn't have a whole lot of success with women in high school and in college and I saw a lot of, like, the people who were my friends, like, the kind of jocks, like, the taller, the buffer dudes. Like, I was a real skinny kid. I'm still pretty skinny right now. But I was even skinnier when I was in those ages. So I was, like, thinking, well, you know, if I was buff like these guys, I could get all the girls coming towards me. And so I worked on other things that I could work on. I worked on my personality. I worked on my humor. I worked on, like, being motivated and proactive and leading and doing all those attractive qualities that we talk about all the time when it comes to gaming, when it comes to getting women. And now I'm better than those guys. Like, I go out with them. Sure, they got all the muscles. They got everything going on. And that's cool. And that works for them. But I still do better because I worked on all the other things. The guy who is most threatening to the guy who's great is the guy who's just good. Or the guy who is, like, coming up. Those are the guys that are willing to work, that are willing to do those things. And those guys who have been, who have always had the muscles or have always been white or whatever it is, they were born with certain things. They're not going to be willing to push themselves to the next level. And eventually you're going to be able to overtake those guys very easily. From hearing this, I want to know a little bit more about your story, Jeremy. The kind of things that you had to go through. Because I was reading your website and you have a crazy story, man. Like, take us from the beginning. How did Jeremy Jong start? Yeah. All right. So let me drop some truth. And my real shit on you guys. I'm going to try to keep it brief because it can go well. Basically, I grew up super Asian. I grew up Taiwanese. My parents are Taiwanese immigrants. It's not like I'm third generation. I grew up in a suburb around LA that was 70% Asian. My parents are also really Christian. It was around Pasadena. Pasadena. Yeah. And my parents are also super Christian, too. It's like conservative and even more conservative. So like the typical story, all I did was study. I played Starcraft. I know it's cliche as fuck, but I did that. I played Warcraft, too. And yeah, I just worked my ass off. I went to church every Sunday, played violin and piano. I would fucking study all the time. And you know, I was really socially awkward. And I got to say like this really hit a peak when I went to college at USC. Because when I went to... Social awkwardness? Yeah. I didn't realize actually how scary it was to people. And like I actually had terrible social anxiety. It wasn't just like, oh I'm scared of talking to hot girls. I was scared of talking to everyone. Like going to a club meeting, like reaching my hand out and saying, hey I'm Jeremy, right? That was like so scary for me because even like walking across the street, I hated that because I felt like everyone in their car or passing by was like looking at me. So you know, there was a lot of anxiety and fear. And like in college, things weren't going well with girls. At the very end, I kind of turned it around a little bit. But like for two years, I literally did not party because I was so scared of people due to social anxiety. And after college, I thought things would become better because you know, now I'm an adult, I have like more money. But I actually got worse. I didn't have any money. I was working like 12 hour days. I was getting paid like $30,000 a year. So that wasn't going. I found pickup and I was going out consistently and I was continually getting rejected. How old were you at this point? I was probably like 22 to 24. That's the age range. 22 to 24, okay. That's the pain here for a lot of people. Yeah, I was trying so hard. It wasn't due to the fact that I was just focused on career. I was trying so hard. I would endure rejection after rejection after rejection. It's like a thing where like, you know who could have sucked when you like go and talk to your girl and they like look at you and they turn their backs on you. Like before you even say anything. I was like, damn, what's going on, right? And one thing I want to mention to you guys is I actually did work for a pickup company not as an instructor, but like on the tech side doing marketing. That's where my skills shined. And that was actually a really tough time because I was living at home. I wasn't getting paid a lot. Things weren't going with women. Nothing was going well at all, it seemed. I was really jealous of friends that were doing well with women in their careers. And I remember actually my mom, I never told her like what my career was but keep in mind like my parents are really Christian, right? And she found out that I worked for this dating company and like, quite possibly like the worst, she like, I don't know how she came across it, but I think she found my personal blog and I mentioned it so she kind of like threaded it and then she like went through all the instructor bios and all the courses on like how to get a threesome and all that stuff. So she like flipped the fuck out and she was just like, I don't want to pay my mom as a bitch but she was just like, you know, you're sitting against God, you're going to go to hell, you know, make sure you don't get AIDS. Like my mom has her own issues, right? I love her but she has her own things to deal with. And for like nine months, we didn't talk because it was just like this really toxic environment. And I felt really trapped too because I wasn't making enough money to get the fuck out. So like I'm forced, I'm living with your parents at the same time they're like, Exactly, exactly. It's kind of like, have you guys ever like went up to a girl on the dance floor and you get rejected and you're trying to like slink away but there's like no way to get away. It's kind of that feeling, you feel like fucking trapped. So eventually what happened is I was able to move out, I was able to get a better career and I actually kind of went through an unconventional route where I focus more on myself and I know a lot of guys like they talk about this like as intergame but I really kind of dove into the root of why I sucked with women and for me specifically and for a lot of Asian guys it's a sense of shame and it kind of relates to the whole feeling of not being good enough. Absolutely. Yeah. Like everyone has that but Asian guys especially the way we grew up with a helicopter parents with always feeling like we need to prove ourselves not only in society but also in our career. Like that thing was the thing That was careers especially. Oh man. I was about to mention that. Yeah. For sure. And for me you know eventually after just working on my confidence just to keep it brief and just like working on myself and really just kind of focusing on my strengths I came out the other side but that's kind of my story in a nutshell hopefully it wasn't too long. Alright so now that we talked about like the turning point where you felt like okay now I'm starting to get better and better at what point in time did you feel like alright now I'm being successful now like now I'm a badass what point did that happen for you? Sure so for me it really just came about naturally it wasn't like a Eureka holy shit you know oh my god like come to Jesus moment it just like happened where one day I kind of looked up and I'm like man I'm dating pretty hot girls and I enjoy their company and I'm just like thinking a few years ago I would have dreamed of this reality so it just kind of crept up on me and I just naturally realized it and just looked up and like holy shit everything kind of paid off. Oftentimes success is kind of like that it doesn't just like it doesn't like hit you like in a huge moment it just happens naturally the second incident is more of a fun incident and it kind of funny it happened when I was basically I had to use the word out gaming but I was basically out competing all the other guys I went to this dating mixer in Beverly Hills and a lot of guys there like that's the place to do it it's a dating mixer yeah and there's like a lot of hot girls a lot of guys were like dressed up pretty well in like suits too and a lot of them were you know non-Asian guys they're taller than me probably better looking than me and I just remember seeing myself going around fearlessly and just kind of like talking to the girls and I could see the girls responding better to me versus other guys and the thing that I kind of realized is that these guys they really don't know what the fuck they're doing and I don't mean that to be malicious but they had always kind of skated by on their looks or just based on who they are and for me I started to realize that a lot of guys were actually hating on me like after I would talk to a girl like I would see them talk to the girl and like yeah they'd like point at me and then would yeah it is the thing and when you like look at them saying like I know what's up right they try to act all nice and shit and that's the point where like they view me as a threat because let's be honest like if you have a bad game or if you suck at dating women and like being an attractive man most guys are not scared of you it's only when they start like trying to undercut you and like put you down behind your back by the way that's what you know shit's kind of changed and the lesson I would want to say to the guys is like if you keep working on yourself if you keep trying and you keep learning you're going to develop a skill or ability whatever you want to call it where it becomes part of who you are and no one can take that shit away versus someone that's just skating by on their looks their ethnicity or their money or whatever else they have going for them in that sense yeah okay cool so I think we'll spend this last five minutes talking about some technical stuff so I always like to come out with like practical actionable tips that people can start doing right now so one of the things that I wanted to focus on was like maybe you know you mentioned your looks you mentioned working out but is there any sort of like style choices that maybe Asian guys could do that's going to help them out a lot more when they're going on I mean LA is a certain area where people dress a certain way so I mean what are your thoughts on that yeah for sure so I would say definitely for Asian guys the principle and the practical tip I will give them is the principle is contrast like don't be your stereotype actually be the opposite of your stereotype right and practically speaking for guys fashion-wise that means dress more edgy now like if you're really into anime and you attract anime girls that's fine like kind of dress into your niche but in general if I had to paint it with broad strokes like dress edgier that means wear I don't want to say boots but just something that has more edge don't like wear like a typical nerdy Asian guy outfit like don't do that shit like get a better haircut fucking work out like lose weight if you want to get tattoos because you want to not just because you're trying hard get tattoos like have that edginess because a lot of non-Asian girls have said like wow actually I never dated Asian guys before I met you it's because I mean girls sometimes are not good at kind of elaborating they say like there's just something different about me but part of it is like that's absolutely true yeah part of it is like be fucking edgy like have that edge have that contrast it actually makes you stand out more because they don't expect the Asian guy to look like that they expect them to be shy meek weak like looking down not looking people in the eye they expect them to like have your dress like a fucking nerd you know wearing crocs or shitty stuff so definitely have that edge and like if you want to have a more practical tip just accessorize to like a nice watch just fit into the stereotype attract the stereotype that you want to convey and kind of play it up not too much but definitely play it up a little bit more that's the practical tip I would give them yeah one of the things that I like to tell guys when it comes to dressing is if you're going out in a certain environment and you see the guys they're doing well dressing a certain way that's kind of like what you want to go for maybe I'd say turn it up to an 11 but I don't want people to think like you should go crazy but you like like you said you have to have a little bit a little bit of edge too yeah so another thing that what do you think about the guys that the guys were there hanging out with is do you find that's an issue with a lot of the people that you work with yeah I think for a lot of guys I grew up in like very Asian neighborhoods sometimes the hardest thing to break is the fact that they're so used to hanging around Asian people and this is not saying you need to become Americanized and assimilated but it part of what makes people click together is kind of getting out of their comfort zone and kind of speaking people's language right like when it comes to marketing sales or even connecting with people like you know getting employment you have to be able to speak their language so a lot of these guys are very insular and if they want to only do Asian girls that's fine and that works for them but a lot of the guys kind of don't want to do Asian girls so I'm like well you got to find some non-Asian at least have more options exactly like you got to kind of get out there and kind of push yourself and maybe you find that you rather stay within your circle that's fine but you got to kind of push yourself to get out there and just kind of get used to interacting with different types with them than you originally thought so that's my recommendation because if you're going to stay in your bubble there's no way you can kind of get into the mind of the people that you want to meet and attract absolutely yeah I remember when I was in high school there was a couple guys I used to hang out with we used to play basketball every single day and then like as we got older and older they started kind of going with their own groups and then I never really saw them again and then when we did hang out it was very brief and then they would always go back to their groups and so I would have been nice so alright I think that's all I have to say about this I don't think we have anymore we covered a lot of different bases if you guys have any questions about this I'm going to hand it back to Jeremy really quick for some final thoughts but if you guys have any questions leave them in the comment section below if there's anything that we didn't talk about that you'd like for us to cover this is not just applicable to guys who are Asian this is like any other race that you're a little bit self-conscious over or you're insecure about this is all for you guys out there that have those concerns so without further ado I've let Jeremy for the final thoughts yeah the final thoughts I would say is just kind of think for yourself and find out for yourself not just based on other people's experiences because those are their lives they're not living your life so find out for yourself don't intellectualize so much but really find out what's the truth between you and that girl that you want to meet the second thing is just be persistent I know it's fucking cliche I hate to use it but the more the more you put yourself out there the more you're going to see what works and what doesn't work and what to adjust and what things to adjust that you want to change or what things to adjust you're like no fuck you I'd rather keep that so the more you take action action will illuminate the path for you not researching fucking studies done by professors like in colleges who don't actually go out and talk to the girls you want to talk to awesome man Jeremy this was awesome I hope you come back and we can talk soon other than that you guys if you made it to the end of this video consider subscribing come out with videos like this every single week thanks a lot bye