 As a dating and relationship coach, I spend a significant amount of time studying relationships, whether it's reading books, going to seminars, watching videos, even watching reality TV shows, which I've shared with you before. One of the things I find so fascinating today in the YouTube universe is what's known as what I've heard is called the red pill community. And the red pill community is centered around the movie The Matrix, the red pill, the blue pill, the red pill is the truth. And what the red pill community spouts is that the problem with relationships today, the problem with women today, is the beginning of the feminist movement. And what has caught, what's happened since the feminist movement as women have become entitled and they're no longer attractive to men. Now, quite frankly, I find that to be rubbish because I'm in full support of women being empowered. And what I mean by being empowered is not giving your power away to a man. And yet within this community, what they basically spout is to be subservient to men, that women must be a servant to a man because the man is the highest hierarchy within a relationship. And again, I find that to be rubbish. Now, why? Because when you give your power away to a man and use this attractive technique of by being subservient, you're basically dependent on this person for your entire livelihood. And I don't believe that's a healthy way to approach a relationship because you don't know if that man is trustworthy. You don't know if that from a long term perspective. So, with that said, I want to talk about the men who don't subscribe to this philosophy. I want to talk about those, we'll call them quality men and quality men isn't just a person that can pay the bills. A quality person is authentic, they're transparent, they're loyal, they're communicative. Those are the men that I want to talk about with respect to what's highly attractive to these men. These men are what I call grownups, okay? And they're not dysfunctional. And if you watch any of my other videos, I talk about the fact that we have men who have clinical issues when it comes to their emotional maturity, we have men who have dysfunctional issues when it comes to their emotional maturity. And then we have the kind of men who are the growers and the builders. They want to build a significant relationship with a partner. And that's how I want to talk about it. Now, many of you might be going, but Jonathan, those guys don't exist. Jonathan, those guys don't exist. Or you might be saying, where are those guys? Where are those guys? Well, the reality is, is most men are good people. They're just bad daters. What really bothers me is a lot of men are listening to this rhetoric, this red pill rhetoric, and it's becoming even more increasingly challenged. So what do these, again, I don't like the term high quality, but we're just talking about, we'll just call them, what do grownup men really appreciate and women? What do they really want from a woman? Well, first and foremost, these men do want love. They want a significant relationship. Now, I'll be candid with you. I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass. Probably less than 20% of the male population out there in midlife. Okay. Now, midlife is what I call after baby making years and forward time. My coaching is centered around helping women vet for these emotionally mature men. And if you need some support with this, check out the link below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My job is to teach you who's truly compatible with you, but more importantly, how to ask the right questions to determine if he's a time waster, if he's got clinical issues, if he's dysfunctional, or he's this group of men that the 20% I'm talking about who are the emotional grownups. So again, if you want some help and support with that, check out the link below the schedule call with me. Okay, so coming back to these grownup men, I know it feels like there's a, there's very few of them out there and worse feels like there's very few that you're physically attracted to. I get that. And yet when you operate from what I'm about to share today, when you operate from a place of your sovereignty, your self worth, your self esteem, your self confidence, you become more of a magnetic attractor for these kind of men. And I just said self worth, self esteem, self confidence, your sovereignty, all of that is encapsulated in self love. Self love, that's right. Self love is that place where you genuinely put your feelings, you put, and I don't mean to put your feelings ahead of anyone else, but just like when you're on the airplane and the flight attendant says, in the case of cabin pressure change, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. That's what self love is. And if you're not familiar with my book, what the heck is self love? Anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. Why I'm, why I'm prefacing this today is to be from the type of person that is wildly attractive to men. It starts from within. It starts within that self love of yourself. Okay, so let's dive into the six things that I'm about to share with you. I'll put on my trusty glasses. There's my notes. By the way, you can see the sunrise in the background. One of the first things is very attractive to these grown up men is a woman who is optimistic, optimistic. You know, it's interesting today, when I read the comments from my YouTube channel, there's such pessimism from women about the dating process. And then you have to ask yourself, do you wonder why they're single is pessimism is like the difference between pessimism and optimism is like from the book Winnie the Pooh. You can either be E or all men suck the dating sucks, or you can be ticker round city, bounce, bounce, bounce. In other words, it's raining great men. It's and all you need is one of them. Optimism is very highly attractive. And by the way, everything I'm sharing with you today, it's not just men are attracted to these six things is women are attracted to these six things. You want a man who is optimistic. He's not pessimistic. He's not complaining about his ex spouse. He's not complaining about his job. He's in a state of optimism. Now, that's not to suggest we can't all have situational things. But generally speaking, you're optimistic. Number two, you let things go. You let things go. You know, during my recent cruise with my beloved, and there's a picture of her and I right there. I was on the cruise. We had some free time and we're tired and we watched the movie as good as it gets because it was playing on their HBO, their version of HBO. Now, for those of you ever seen the movie, Jack Nicholson, Helen Punt, he's got, he's, I don't know if he's as burgers or whatnot, but he certainly can be a jackass. And yet, he has such redeeming qualities within him. He has a sense of compassion that while he might temporarily say things that are pretty either nonsensical or quite rude, and it begins to ship throughout the movie, the characters in the movie learn to let it go. In other words, they're not taking everything personally. Okay, one of the things we have to learn to do in relationships is let little things slide. That's not to say that you don't set a boundary and you don't subscribe to your standards. But let the little things slide. As I was watching the movie, I was sharing with my girlfriend, you know, I have a propensity to be like him. I can say rather stupid nonsensical things. And what I'm grateful about her is she let, she lets those little things go, letting little things go. That's number two. And again, not to compromise your, your boundaries in that sense. Number three is a sense of punctuality. For the most part, share this with you. I think women can be habitually late, not all women. Thankfully, my sweetheart is absolutely punctual. And I find that incredibly attractive, whether it's a first date or throughout the relationship. You know, it's interesting. I was watching one of my contemporaries videos and he was talking about while his wife spends an enormous amount of time to prepare to go out for a simple evening. In fact, it begins to wear on him. They have a set time and she spends an additional 45 minutes beyond that. Now, we could criticize her, we could criticize him, but at the end of the day, I believe punctuality demonstrates a level of respect for a person. So, if a commitment has been made, for example, whether it's a date to meet someone at 7 p.m. Or you're going out to dinner with friends as a couple and you've agreed on 7 p.m. then spend the time ahead of time being prepared for it. I know a lot of, I know I criticized a lot of women for being not, not punctual, but I will tell you punctuality is rather subsea. Okay. Number four, agreeable personality versus a controlling personality. Do you know that John Gottman's book or John Gottman's work, but one of his book is the eight dates, he and his wife, eight dates. But in his work, he talks about the four horsemen of the apocalypse. That's criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. And within that scope is a controlling type of behavior. When you're trying to control the outcome, I get it that you don't feel safe. But when you're with a partner that you trust, then trust them and be agreeable with them. And I'm sharing this for both men and women alike to be mutually agreeable within the relationship is highly attractive within a relationship. Now, again, without compromising a boundary without being subservient as I shared before, having a naturally agreeable personality really helps solidify both partners. In relationship. And I believe being agreeable is a function of compatibility and alignment on your values and your lifestyle. Repeat that your values in your lifestyle, what critical conversations you must have in the early stages of dating is determined. Does this person share my values? Does this person share my guys? If you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg. I'm going to share this with everyone right now. Okay, really quickly. And I know the light is glaring above the waterline. We focus oftentimes on chemistry. But what's most important in a relationship for compatibility is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Having these conversations about your values and your lifestyle is critically important to encapsulate or to create a relationship where you're both on the same page. And when you're on the same page, you're not disagreeing with one another and disagree constant disagreeing or bickering causes relationship friction. And again, my job is to teach you as a coach how to help you vent for those emotionally mature me. Okay. Number five, easy going piggyback on all this, but to be an easy going person, you know, I'm going to tell you something I've had first dates with women who show up with resting bitch face. I've had real, I've been in short lived relationships where it was always, oh my God, it's like I had to jump through hoops. You know, it's one thing to be in your power. It's another thing to be a pain in the ass and if you're not familiar with the book. I don't love everything about this book but the book is called why men love bitches and bitches stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes. Okay. I love everything in this book but what I do like is the empowerment piece. And within that is a sense of finding your own trust within yourself so you can actually be an easy going person in relationship because ultimately, if you're causing friction because you have a chip on your shoulder or if you have unresolved childhood wounds or traumas, I'm going to repeat that. You have significant unresolved childhood wounds and traumas. Most likely you're going to be a difficult person in relationship, whether you're a man or a woman. This isn't singular to a gender. This is both men and women alike. And emotional maturity allows you to be in a space where you can actually, as I said earlier, let things go and have an easy going personality because this is highly attractive to men and it's highly attractive to women as well. And number six is the person who is genuine. Who's genuine. You know the reality is today. I think we have a lot of fake people. Okay, it's ingrained in our society these days, you know, whether it's the Instagram personalities or, you know, showing up as Chris Rock says, showing up as the ambassador of your best self. So it's showing fake pictures or not fake pictures, but pictures that are so altered that on your dating profile or or disguising yourself within a dating profile. But I mean, particularly showing up with pictures that are 10 years older, which happens frequently. These are just some examples of fake but also not being real with yourself. And what I mean to say is, if you're an emotional grownup, you're aware of your own foibles, if you will. And if you're truly genuine to your partner, you show up saying, Hey, these are some of my faults. I'm laying my cards on the table. I'm not perfect. These are some of the areas I'm not perfect. These are some of the things I've done in my life that I'm not proud of and yet I'm continually working on myself. That's what a genuine person does in our relationship. There's a picture of my beloved Marie. We spent a significant amount of time in the early stages. We spent three full days unpacking our lives, being vulnerable, being authentic, being transparent, being genuine. What I appreciate and genuine also sharing what you don't like within another person. Now, I don't mean that as a criticism of the other person, but for some of the things that might make you feel less likely to pursue the relationship. But Jonathan, we're supposed to just be all nice and have a good time in the early stages. No, we don't have time to waste in midlife. We don't have time to mess around. I'm here to suggest that we get radically honest with people sooner rather than later so we don't find ourselves with the wrong person. We don't have time to waste. And by being genuine, being genuine with your life, if there's a true connection with another person, then you actually have an opportunity to build on the relationship when you are vulnerable, authentic and transparent. That's what being genuine is. Being vulnerable, being authentic, being transparent, not to be the ambassador of your best self, only to find out. And again, we're dealing with an 80% of the population that either has clinical issues or have rather dysfunctional in their emotional maturity. And this is why I subscribe to doing your job vetting a person to determine if they're really the right person for you and a capable of really leaning into a healthy happy relationship. I was watching a video the other day of a commercial that we're talking three women were talking about. Excuse me for slurping three women were talking about a first date, and they were sharing how perfect this guy is. And then one of the women says she lost me when he said he doesn't do therapy. Folks, I believe today that if you want to have a successful relationship, it's going to require whether it's personal development, self help, spiritual work, some level of introspective work growth, including therapy to actually have at least a modicum of a successful relationship. And if you want a relationship at thrive, then you do it mutually together, you co create this relationship together. So you can sustain it for the long run. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up. Look at that sunrise we just have. That is so awesome. All right. Like I said, I think this would be a great place just as a reminder, optimism, letting things go punctuality, agreeable personality, easy going and genuine. Those are the six things that are highly attractive to both men and women alike. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Merrick of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. If that's okay, I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love lives. Thanks a bunch.