 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnathanasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the six signs he sees you as important and you're valuable to him, six signs. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and tradition. So sift through it, whatever resonates with you great and if it doesn't, that's okay too. All right, let's talk about those six signs a guy sees you as valuable and important to you or to him. So you know what's interesting? I follow many contemporaries in the dating realm and mostly it's interesting, especially when I follow women giving advice to women on what men are supposed to do. Let me repeat that, women giving advice to women on what men are supposed to do and even more so how men are supposed to act and how men feel. I find it very fascinating to me. And a rhetoric that I've shared a number of times that I find just fascinating and both humorous at the same time is what some women project onto others of what value looks like, of what value looks like. And so when I read comments such as things like, well, if a man doesn't value you enough to pay for your valet after a first date, he's not worthy of another date with you. As if paying for the valet is an indication of value. Now I find that ludicrous as a, and now some might see that as an indication of being stingy, might seeing it as cheap but that's a projection. That's based on a lot of a sumptive type of rhetoric and not necessarily how someone values you. So ladies, we are in a dysfunctional dating realm these days. And one thing that makes it so dysfunctional is most humans look at chemistry as equaling relationship success. I'm gonna repeat that chemistry equals relationship success. And so when a man is driven by chemistry, certainly from a biological sense, and I know you've all heard how men are hunters and they love the chase and they love to claim you. Well, it's certainly true that men in the beginning stages might be on the hunt for sex. So they might do a lot of things to demonstrate that you're important and they value you. But these days, all a man has to do is claim, and I put my fingers in quotes, claim that he wants a relationship and that's all enough to demonstrate that he is serious. And if you're in the dating realm right now, we know that's the farthest thing from the truth, especially since most dating search terms are why are men commitment phobic? Why do men ghost? Why do men disappear? Why do men just do all the silly things that they do? So today I wanna lean into something more important to get an understanding of how a man genuinely values a person. And by the way, everything I'm about to share is for both men and women alike. This isn't singular to men. This is singular to the human condition. How do we demonstrate to someone that they're actually important to us, that we actually value them? Now I said earlier, we are in a dysfunctional dating realm because most dating rhetoric is hyper-focused on chemistry leading to relationship success without any understanding for most people of who is truly compatible with them. Who is truly compatible with them? Who can actually fit into their life? And if you're not familiar with my relationship, iceberg, I talk about it almost in every video, really quickly, if you can look, you see this is an iceberg and the tip of the iceberg says chemistry and above the waterline is attraction. And below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Now why this is so critically important is a man could pay your valet, but do you share the same values? A man could pay for your valet but your lifestyles blend. A man could pay for the valet but he's an emotional train wreck with little or no relationship skills to actually be in a relationship. So I want to just dispel this narrative of what demonstrates value, especially in the early stage of dating, when men are typically for the most part on the hunt for sex because we no longer live in a world where up until about 50 years ago, if a man wanted to get laid, he had to get married. And by the way, dating used to last all of about a nanosecond back in the past, because if they, again, traditionally speaking, and this isn't an absolute one I'm sharing here, is traditionally, especially back in the 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s, if two people wanted to have sex, they had to get married. So at least that marriage demonstrated a level of commitment, a level of commitment. And the scary part today is that most people are seeking companionship and sex or maybe some connection, companionship or sex without the most important pieces, a level of commitment to the relationship. And the reason why this is happening, I want everyone to take a deep breath. It's because for the most part, we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. And the problem when we meet total strangers these days, and especially using our little devices, for the most part, when we're meeting this way, most humans don't feel emotionally safe, whether it's a man or a woman, safe with one another. And when chemistry is the leading factor in exploring a relationship, it's the weakest link to build true emotional safety. I'm gonna repeat that. It's the weakest link to build true emotional safety. So how is emotional safety built? It's through asking better questions in the dating process. Do we share the same values? Do we share the same values with one another? And everybody's values are different. In fact, we are a melting pot of a variety of different values, a variety in different cultures, a variety of different races, at least here in the United States. And more so, we have this tribalism going on with politics and vasts and religion and back themes, I meant to say, and religions and such. So it makes it even more complicated because there's so many people that are not aligned in their values. And then we have to talk about lifestyles. Can two people's lifestyles mesh together? And since because of these devices, you could be meeting people that live 30, 40, 50 miles away from one another, and it makes it difficult to build the roots to trust because proximity is how you genuinely get to know one another when you're in each other's orbit. But Jonathan, we've been talking on the phone for months, hours upon hours at a time. I feel like we know each other so well. Folks, men don't bond on the telephone. Men use the telephone for therapy. I'm gonna repeat that. Well, men and women alike, I should say. Most people that are spending days, weeks, hours, months on the telephone, getting to know one another, it's just a substitute for therapy. And by the way, both genders are doing this because the number one emotional health issue with almost everyone is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And so long distance connecting makes you at least feel connected to someone. And yet dating triggers this number one emotional health issue. So if you've had one disappointing experience after another, after another, after another, it can actually wear on your emotional wellbeing. And not to mention the dysfunctional dating capacity of most human beings. Most human beings have weak relationship skills and weak emotional maturity. If you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, I want you to look here. It says, if you can see this, it says roughly about 20% of the population has clinical issues. By the way, I want you to note here that says, this is not a fact, this is opinion. Clinical issues, borderline, passive aggressive, bipolar, narcissists, sociopaths. By the way, this isn't, like I said, accurate per se, but there are some people out there and now thankfully many people are on medication and they can perform well in a relationship if they have identified their problem or their mental health issue. I say over here, 20% of the population is healthy. I am being ridiculously generous when I say 20% of the population is healthy. And by the way, I'm talking about men and women alike and the vast majority of everybody is in this section. It's dysfunctional, dysfunctional, which makes it very difficult to truly be in relationship with people. This is why I continually recommend everybody checking out this book by Malcolm Gladwell called Talking to Strangers, what we should know about the people we don't know. I'm gonna repeat that, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell, what we should know about the people we don't know. Dating today is dysfunctional. And if you follow my work, you know, those know what I'm about to say next, before the penis ever goes inside the vagina, you should purchase two copies of the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman so you can figure out the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. This is a roadmap to getting to deeper intimacy so you can actually bond together at a much healthier way because when you bond together, it's a break. It's hard to break it apart. So how does a man show a woman who he genuinely cares about that she's important to him and that he values her? Well, first we have to look beyond the sex piece. So once the sex happens, this is where the rubber meets the road. Let me repeat that, the rubber meets the road. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses and here's my notes, the six signs. You're very important to him and you value him. So number one, again, this is my notes. Number one, he makes you a priority and where I'm in particularly where he makes a priority is in the form of communication, in the form of communication. So if you shoot a text message to him, provided that he can respond at a reasonable time based on his schedule, he makes the time to respond to you. He makes the time to respond to your messages. That's a man that genuinely shows he cares. When a person treats you at their beck and call, I know a woman I'm talking with right now, a friend, and she's dealing with a guy. They've known each other for years. They got together recently to start dating again and he goes, you're my woman. I wanna court you, I want only to date you. And he goes off and takes her on a lavish trip takes her to the Rams football game at the new stadium. I mean, shows are the night on the town kind of thing. And he professes how he wants to explore a relationship. Do you know what happened next? Monday went by, Tuesday went by, Wednesday went by, Thursday went by, Friday went by, no messages from him. She reached out, he returns it two or three days later. This is a guy who professed how much he was into her. And now he's saying, well, you're my, once I told you you're my girl, you're at my beck and call. I mean, he literally had the attitude is you're at my beck and call. A man who values you makes you a priority, especially in the area of communication or responding to communication at a reasonable time. In other words, if you're in the middle of a four-hour work meeting, you may not be able to return it right away, but certainly when there's communication in the evening or during the day, they make it a priority to respond back. That demonstrates value, that demonstrates importance. That has nothing to do with paying for the valet. By the way, you can tell that's a pet peeve for me. It's only a pet peeve because that's not how value is demonstrated. Value is demonstrating with what I'm sharing here. These are the things that I invite everyone to pay more attention to. Okay, number two, he listens to you carefully and he responds with compassion. He listens to you carefully and he responds in compassion when you get triggered or concerned about something. So I'm thinking in particular about a dear friend of mine who shared with me that her and her boyfriend are actually planning on moving in together, but there was something he said to a family member that triggered her a little bit and triggers not the right word, but left her concern. So when she shared her concern to him, he listened carefully and he took about a little time to respond, but he responded from a place of compassion. But what was most important, he listened. He listened to what she shared and said, you know what, active listening means I'm gonna listen because I know it's important to you. He listened and responded from a place of compassion. That's a sign of showing someone that they're important to you. That's not paying for dates, taking on trips, all those fancy things, everything romance-based. No, really at the heart-centered space, this is my invitation for everyone, is to look at how does they treat you with their actions that have to do outside of romance. And communication is an important aspect of this. And as we piggyback this on number three, he doesn't have to be right when there's conflict between the two of you. He doesn't have to be right when there's conflict between the two of you. Most humans who are dysfunctional in their relationship skills, when there's conflict in relationship, they operate from the place of I'm right and you're wrong. I'm right and you're wrong. And when someone operates from that place, it's very difficult to actually engage in a serious relationship with them because it's always gonna be at their beck and call. And by the way, again, this is true of men and women alike. I know just as many women that operate from a place of I'm right and you're wrong. So, by the way, this was a gift from one of you out there in the world. I wanna show you this little coffee mug. There's a picture of Jonathan. And you can't see this, but let me tell you what it shares. Besides, you can see Salty here. It says, okay, ladies, what do I always tell you before the penis ever goes inside the vagina by the book eight date? Isn't that the sweetest thing this gal made for me? I wanna thank so much for that sweet, lovely lady out in the YouTube universe that made this and sent this to me. By the way, you can see this little side. It says, but Jonathan, I'm in my feminine energy. Why hasn't he claimed me? So I think this is a sweet little gift. All right, so I got off on a tangent like I always do. Number four, he progresses the relationship forward and he uses we language and he introduces you to the people that are important to him in his life. I repeat that, he introduces you to the people that are important to his life. He uses we language, he progresses the relationship forward. That demonstrates importance, that demonstrates value. And again, this is after you've had sex together because before you have sex together, guys will say whatever it takes to get laid. It's after that. And by the way, this is why when you work with me privately on coaching, I teach you how to ask the better questions to determine if he's looking to get laid or he wants something serious. So check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Number five, he honors and respects your boundaries. He honors and respects your boundaries. I was on a date a few months ago. I remember a woman, I said something a little insensitive and she shared with me and it was just a stupid slip of the tongue kind of thing that comes out of my mouth on occasion. And I don't even want to share what it was because it's too embarrassing. And she expressed her disappointment in it. Now that's a boundary. I mean, what's okay and what's not okay for me. I immediately apologized and I say apologized because I was absolutely in the wrong, if you will. And I respected that of her. Folks, if a man, again, just like fighting fair means not always being right. A man who genuinely values you, values your boundaries. That's what matters most. It's not about paying for dates and a man leading the processing, claiming you. It's more about his actions. And this is true of men and women like everything I'm sharing goes for both genders or whatever gender you are. These days I have no clue all the different genders there are anymore. I've lost track. I grew up as a baby boomer, Jen Excer. I don't understand all this new stuff, but I predominantly work with heterosexual people. And I'm here to say they respect your boundaries. And lastly, number six, and this is the most important piece. You know you're with a man who values you and sees you as important when you're not doubting him or you're doubting the relationship. When you actually feel emotionally safe. When you feel emotionally safe. Here's the challenge of why this is rare these days because two people these days don't know how to build emotional intimacy. This is why I've been recommending this book recently. Emotional intimacy, emotional intimacy. I highly recommend reading this book to start to get a better understanding or clues into how to actually build true emotional intimacy. Because when we're emotionally intimate, when we're radically honest, we can feel safe with someone. And when we feel emotionally safe, we don't doubt the relationship. We don't doubt their intentions. And this is what's sorely missing today because this rhetoric out there, all this advice is hyper focused on attraction which is romance based and very little to do with compatibility. So I'm inviting everyone to pull their fucking head out of their ass and remember shared values, blendable lifestyles, emotional maturity. That is far more important than who pays for a date and who pays for the ballet. Again, I have a hard on for that literally and figuratively because it is a joke. A true, for lack of a better word, gentlemen. It's not how they get you. It's how they keep you. It's not how they're a gentleman. Well, it's not even about a gentleman. A genuine man, it's not about how they can get you into a relationship is how they're going to progress and keep the relationship alive. And yet sadly, most men, they're good guys. They're just clueless. In fact, most men are winging it. And this is why I invite you all to read the books I recommend. So you're better prepared. And I will tell you, I get email after email after email women purchasing two copies of this book and discussing it with the man that they're dating before they get physically intimate. And I am hearing wonderful news of how it's changing their lives. And a lot of men aren't working out but they didn't invest their heart with the wrong guy. And here's the thing, the right guy will wanna lean into this. And that's my invitation for everyone. So are you with me? If you are, give me a thumbs up. Give me an amen. Say, I'm on board, Jonathan. All right. And that wraps up our six signs that he sees you as very important and valuable to him. It's time to jump into the Q&A which we'll do for about 15 minutes or so. So just a reminder, if you're brand new to my channel there's a chat, for those who are watching live there's a chat box in the corner and you can write the word question and then post your question there after or you can purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. All the funds from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. Connor's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I helped defray the cost of personal development for those who are seeking personal development work. And again, the dollar sign in the Super Sticker Super Chat is where you can purchase it. And if you're listening to the audio replay you won't be able to see any of this. So let's take a look. I do see a question in here. So question, shouldn't we spend more time focusing on what we love to do, what we are good at and the new things to learn rather than our relationships? We need to have a life of our own. Shouldn't we? Well, first off, absolutely every human being it's important because the reality is is not everybody watching this is going to live happily ever after with someone. In fact, a big percentage of most folks in their midlife are going to struggle finding a relationship because we have a very dysfunctional pool of human beings. They're not bad people. They just have poor relationship skills. And at midlife in particular, there isn't that same intensity to wanna take care of someone as if someone might in their 20s and 30s that are looking to raise a family. Not necessarily looking for a wife per se. So it is more problematic. So it is absolutely imperative to love on yourself and you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get all my recommended books. One of the fundamentals is all about having a healthy life whether you're in relationship or not. Because here's the thing as Esther Perrell says the most, I just had a fog here. What does she say about the quality of our relationships determine the quality of our life? And it starts the relationship with self, starts with the relationship with self. So coming back to your original question, yes, that is important to actually, I invite everyone to have a full rich life because we can't guarantee what's gonna happen next is I learned the hard way my son was gone in a second. He was here one moment and he was gone. And I know he wouldn't want me to suffer one day in my life. In fact, I know he would want me to thrive in my life right now. In fact, in his honor, I do my best to thrive. So for all those folks that we've lost someone special in our life, I invite you to have a life that you become the reality show other people choose to watch, okay? Your life is the reality show that people wanna watch and I don't mean that literally. I just mean from the sense of like, wow, this person is living their life to the fullest and that's my invitation for everyone. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, a question came in earlier this morning that I wanna post and I'm gonna share with everyone. Bear with me one second. So the question is, Jonathan, how did your date go goes this weekend, goes this weekend? How did your date go this weekend? All right, folks, I shared in my previous live stream that I shared a story that relates to anxious attachment style and how that can manifest itself because I was experiencing this, I was experiencing anxiousness prior to meeting someone for the first time. Now I wanna give a little bit of context to this and by the way, the clip of what I shared is gonna be aired in a few days. So just a little heads up. But give a quick backstory. I connected with a woman through a dating app. We had about four or five text messages, exchanges that led to a phone call. First off, it was very attracted to her photographs, which is rare because I gotta tell you, most of you women put shitty, horrific dating profiles out there. I can't believe how terrible 99 out of 100 dating profiles there are, but she had quality photographs of herself and I liked what she wrote. And so we had a nice exchange back and forth and then we got on the phone. And I really clicked with her. I mean, I was really clicking with her. I mean, I was like, I was finding myself unusually attracted to her. And I went to bed that night, actually rather anxious going to bed because I was thinking about this person. She happened to be traveling so she wasn't gonna be back in town for about a week. And so I shared this publicly, but I got really incredibly anxious about meeting this person. Now, my anxiousness was based on two things. I was incredibly excited, incredibly excited. In fact, I was in a state of limerence and limerence means extreme infatuation. I was experiencing a high level of infatuation, but then I did the worst thing of all. I started to project an expectation on a potential future with this person. I started to project a potential future with this person and expectation of a potential future. And that was creating a tremendous amount of anxiety for me. I was experiencing a ton of anxiety. Now, part of that anxiety, because as we were text messaging in between the telephone calls and we spoke four times cumulatively a couple hours each time, our text messaging communication style was rather different than one another. I'm very demonstrative, I'm very effusive, I'm very flirty, and she's very matter of fact, very blunt, current matter of fact. That's just the way she communicates. And I was feeling like she doesn't like me. Was she even interested in me? And I was experiencing what so many of my female clients experienced. I was living this at an intense level, at an intense level. Now, as I explored what was coming up for me, I will say this, after Connor passed away, I can tell you my heart is far more tender now than it was in the past. I feel, especially when you've had one experience after another, after another, that doesn't work out, it wears on you emotionally, it sucks the life out of you when you make effort and then it goes nowhere and you make effort and it goes nowhere and you make effort and after a while and I've been feeling a lot of what my clients feel. Now, what I think makes me unique is that I'm aware of my feelings, I'm aware of my feelings and I'm certainly, you know, I do my best to manage my feelings. In other words, everything I'm sharing with you was an internal dialogue going inside of me. It wasn't anything outwardly happening, it was inwardly happening. I then found myself wishing she would cancel the date. I was literally wishing she would cancel the date because the anxiety was so intense, I wanted the anxiety to stop and if she canceled it, that would have stopped the anxiety. Now, I'm gonna say on a cognitive level, I was witnessing this, but I also know through experience that this was my own fear that was coming up, my own fear, my own anxieties, my own garbage of years upon years of crap that I've experienced in my life. It isn't who I am per se at my, well, on some level it is my core, but yet, like I said earlier, we're all experienced, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. This is why this whole narrative of, you know, men are so strong and confident and everything, most guys, believe it or not, by the way, men with extreme bravado, they come off oftentimes like assholes, they're insecure as well, it's just there's so much masking going on, there's so much masking going on that you can't even see what's really happening on the inside. I just happened to be aware of my emotions as I shared in the previous video and I could manage it. So let me fast forward because the question was how was the date? So it turned out we got together Sunday, which happened to be yesterday, and we got together just after lunch, or shortly after lunch, and we got together for, we actually went out for a late or early dinner, and as we were connecting with each other, we had the blessing to spend quite a few hours together. I think I can't remember if we spent five or six hours together. I shared with her what I was experiencing, what I was feeling. Now I shared a little bit this before, but what I didn't share with this, I literally had this wish of canceling the date because the anxiety was so high. And because I was experiencing that fear of not being liked, that fear of not being liked. And what's interesting is confident as I am, and I've got thousands upon thousands of women on YouTube that reach out and say they date me in a heartbeat and everything, I was experiencing a very normal, I'm afraid I'm not being liked in this moment because our communication style was a little bit different. Well, the first thing she said to me when she saw me was, oh my God, you're so much better looking than your pictures, which I really was flattered and appreciated. And she looks stunning. And as I said, we went out and had lunch and we are a lot bite to eat and we shared what was coming up for us. And we really had a great time. I'm so grateful that I overcame that fear. Part of that fear was, because I created this entire story or an expectation on a future before I ever met someone. Now, this isn't common to most men. It's certainly common to a lot of women who do this, but this is common whenever we feel attraction, whenever we feel infatuation, when we're feeling that little bit of limerence. And it's a very common feeling to get that way. What's most important, and as I shared earlier, was just the awareness of what was going on inside of me. And ultimately, how do we overcome a fear by facing it head on? I didn't allow my fear to stop me from wanting to see what could happen here. And yet, so many women in particular canceled date at last minutes or guys canceled dates at last minute because of a fear, because the reality today is, we are, again, as I shared earlier, we are meeting total strangers. And it's very difficult to feel emotionally safe when you're meeting a stranger. And let me say this, dating is putting your heart out there. It takes a lot of courage to put your heart out there over and over and over again, and not be unscathed. It takes a tremendous amount of courage. And many people, particularly women, give up on the process of trying to find a mate because of that fear. All I can say is this, and I've learned, and who knows, this might be the last first kiss I ever have, or it might be someone I just used to know, somebody I used to know. What I know most important is when you fall off the horse seven times, you get back eight times. And my invitation for everyone is to hold that space of hope, hold that space of knowing that there is a person out there that's aligned to, that shares your values, that your lifestyles are blendable, and they have the emotional maturity to have those deeper intimate conversations. And what I appreciate the most about this person is she has a level of depth, a level of curiosity. She loves psychology as much as I do. We seem to like a lot of the same things, but more importantly, she has that deep desire to go beyond the surface of a relationship instead of, how's your day going? I hope you had a good day. Did you have a good day? I hope you had a blessed day because most people these days are focused on the surface of attraction, and they're not getting to the heart of what matters most. And through radical honesty, and that's what I invite everybody to do is be radically honest with one another without compromising a boundary. Okay, I'm not suggesting that, but radical honesty is how we build intimacy. Into me you see. And so that's the update on the date. We do hope to see each other maybe once before the holidays is over, but certainly after the holidays because each one of us is traveling a little bit. I'm hopeful, but at the same time, I also recognize, and by the way, my anxiety level has dropped dramatically. My anxiety level has dropped dramatically. In fact, I now feel in my empowerment because we had this great chat with one another and we opened our heart from a compassionate place and not the place of dominance, not the place of romance, but a place of heart. And if you're not familiar with the book, if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, I highly recommend reading this because it throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how can we connect at a heart-centered space? And she did watch a number of my videos and she thought it was adorable that she recognizes that these, and by the way, she has a great collection of books that are also personal development books, which I appreciate. So I invite everyone to get at that heart-centered space instead of the darn stupid traditional gender rhetoric expectation-based way of dating, I invite everyone to come from a heart-centered way of dating. So again, I wanna thank that person for the question, let me find it real quick. Well, anyway, I think you get to just to where I'm going. Oh, here it is. Hey, thanks so much for that question, Jonathan, how'd you date go? I really appreciate it. All right, let's scroll through here. By the way, again, once to show again, my coffee mug, I wanna show that she also added my book, What the Heck a Self Love Anyway to the Coffee Mug, isn't this adorable? Okay, how do, Joe Lean says, how do I lean into what seems like a start of a good relationship without chasing him away? How do you lean in? Okay, speak your truth, do it with kindness because if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So that's my invitation for you, Joe Lean. All right, let's go swimming. Patricia says, amen. Suzette says, I'm laughing my ass off. Chef Rhonda says, question. I've been seeing someone for a few months. He introduces, calls me as girlfriend. I have told him that I'm not ready for that label. Am I too protective of my heart? Well, Chef Rhonda is his penis going inside your vagina. If, first off, if you guys are having sex and you're not calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, then what's the purpose of this relationship? And by the way, I apologize for being crude, but the purpose of dating in my mindset is a vetting process to decide if you wanna be in relationship with someone and the relationship process is a vetting process to decide if you want something long-term. So if you're not having sex together, then you can do whatever you want. I just wouldn't be, I wouldn't, I would say if you're having sex together and you don't have a commitment with each other, then you have what's called a casual relationship. You have a situation ship, or worse, you have what I call friends with benefits, but you just don't know about it. When you add the label, it identifies what this really means to each one of you. And I invite everyone to co-create a relationship together rather than being passive in the process as so many people are. So coming back to my, your original question, it all depends on if you guys are having sex, hasn't, forget the protective of your heart, are you having sex together? Cause if you are, then I would invite you to have some level of commitment and have a label that goes with it. That's just my opinion, Chef Rhonda. Take it for what it's worth. All right, thank you so much for that. Patricia says, amen. Thank you. Blue-eyed said, high level of infastuation after a phone call. Yes, when you feel like you connect with someone, you can definitely experience that. At least I know I have. So, oh, well, as a follow up here, Blue-eyed Wolf, I think Jonathan said once he has, I do have an anxious attachment style. So this is my attachment style. If you're not familiar with the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend checking this out. My default love attachment style is known as anxious. I tend to be a bit needy in relationship. The other types of attachment style are avoidant and secure. I highly recommend reading this book. I happen to have a default anxious attachment style. So when I'm not feeling loved, I get really afraid. Now, I'm learning, this is, listen, I know one thing, no matter what happens with her or anyone else in my life, I'm gonna be okay. The anxious attachment style literally thinks that the sky is falling when they don't feel love. I know the sky isn't falling when I'm not feeling connection. I'm just here to, but I'm aware of this. I'm almost aware at a hyper level. Most human beings don't even have an awareness of their emotions when these things happen. So I share publicly, because I'd like to think I'm a resource to understand that humans go through this. Most people aren't aware of their emotions. In fact, what they do is hide their emotions through other activities. Sometimes it's drugs and alcohol. Sometimes it's overexercising. Sometimes people overeat. Those are all things to avoid our emotions. Distractions like excessive television, binge watching for days on end. Those can oftentimes be a way of avoiding our emotions. So I happen to lean into my emotions with hopefully a sense of awareness. And hopefully I'm doing it from a productive way of being cathartic and letting out my feelings, both with people I love, sometimes I vent with them, and by sharing what happened to me to this new person. And I'm so grateful that she didn't run away. Well, at least right now she hasn't run away. Who knows what's gonna happen. But I always believe if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So thank you so much for sharing that. I appreciate it. Suzette says, Jonathan, do you meditate? I have high anxiety. I do do a sense of meditation. Thank you so much. And yet, listen, these are anomalies. This isn't a constant, I'm not in a constant state of anxiousness. In fact, I'm very blessed to have a very blessed life. I'm very fortunate to have a very blessed and generous and abundant life. But I also know that there are times when I get triggered. And I shared this earlier. I don't know how much of this, I think losing my son has definitely made my heart more tender. And because as any, when a parent loses a child, there is nothing more horrific than that. So I do know I have a more tender heart than maybe I was in the past. I think in the past, I was shutting my heart out. Now that I'm doing my best to be open and receptive to love, I can be a little bit more tender than maybe I was in the past. By the way, in the past, I was a total player. I was a serial dator. I was a trainwreck a decade ago. I was a total trainwreck. I was not a good person to date. I was from the sense because I was a mess. This is why be careful of dating anyone right after a divorce or if they've lost their job and stuff. Because when someone's, when their life is a mess, they can seem really great potential because you ladies oftentimes look at guys for potential. Just remember that when someone's foundation beneath them isn't solid, it's very difficult to lean into a serious relationship and that's what happened with me. All right, thank you so much. I wanna thank Julia. Just purchased a super sticker. Here, let me find it. Super chat, by the way, hold on everyone. Okay, Julia. Oops, Julia. Jonathan, do you believe in astrology when finding a partner? Do you believe in astrology? So I do and I don't. I'll be candid with you. I do and I don't. I have misgivings on astrology. I think on some level I find it fun and interesting and at the same time. I look at, listen, I'm a Leo. I'm probably a quint, I think I have four houses and Leo and one note and Leo. So I'm a hyper Leo. It feels true to me, but then I've read other astrological signs and I go, yes, yes, yes, yes. So I don't know. I've yet to, I've been matched up with people who were supposed to be a great fit and it blows up because human beings are dysfunctional. So who knows? I do find them entertaining but I don't rest my laurels on them. So thank you so much for asking that question, Julia. I appreciate it. All right, let's see what else. Natasha, Natalie says, stuffing emotions can self-development be a way to escape from emotional problems. That's an interesting question. You know, I do believe, okay. So there are a lot of people do what's called a spiritual bypass, a spiritual bypass. And they use spirituality as a way to bypass their emotions, to bypass their problems. It might be, well, you know, it's like, it's kind of being cavalier. You know what? The universe will take care of me. You know, it's like, as my father always said, there's my mother and father right there. My parents are from Istanbul, Turkey. My father said, you can put your faith in Allah, but don't forget to tie up your camel. And that's some, I do believe some spiritual people use spiritual bypass or spiritual rhetoric. I know a lot of men that use spiritual rhetoric to attract a woman that may seem, it may be very attractive to be with that guy, but those guys are equally as dysfunctional, if not more, because they are doing what's called a spiritual bypass. So I do agree that exists. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Sal writes, question, I'm in a very secure loving relationship. I have a very anxious moments where I forget briefly that our connection is solid. What can I do to my anxiety and not forget that we are solid? Sal, great question. So what I do in those cases, and I do this habitually, I use the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. And if you're not familiar with the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, it's also known as the hapono, pono, pono, pono. And it goes like this, I love you. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. That's, so what forgiveness stands for is forgiving love, forgiving love. It's like giving yourself an injection of love. Whenever I feel anxiety at any time in my life, I recite this over and over as a pattern interrupt because that's what love would do and that's how love would respond. So this is how I navigate anxious attachment for anxiousness is by reciting the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer over and over again as a way to give myself a, instead of a B12 shot, I give myself an L12 shot of love for forgiveness, for giving love. And that's my invitation for you. So try that out Sal and see how that works for you. Again, it's a pattern interrupt in your brain to shut off the anxiousness and to lean into love. And I think that's a great question. So I hope that helps. Thank you so much. All right. This will probably be our last question of the day. Question, we hear relationships take work and they have hard times, but I'm struggling to know just how hard is normal. What does it become too hard? We fight weekly, but he acts like it's normal. So there's a couple of schools of thought on relationships take work. I believe individuals need to work on themselves. Individuals need to work on themselves from an emotional perspective. This is one of the reasons why I continually recommend the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This book is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one's life. So I believe the work is not necessarily the work of the relationship, it's the work of self. It's because most humans have weak relationship skills. They have weak or dysfunctional relationship skills. This is why if the two of you have communication problems, I highly recommend reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. What I love about this book is it's a deep dive in learning how to communicate better with one another. And if you guys are fighting on a weekly basis and he thinks that's normal, most likely is because that was normal in his childhood with his parents. His parents most likely fought a lot and that was familiar to him. So you have a choice, you have a choice folks. By the way, we always have a choice. We can always end a relationship if it's not serving us, it's not serving our highest and best. So I'm here to say, you can have a deep conversation and say, listen, are we gonna continue with this pattern because this does not feel good? Or are we gonna work on our relationship skills? This is why, let me find, again, coming, you may wanna check out this book. How to be an adult in relationship? How to be an adult in relationship? Or these are two new books I want to recommend. These are great books. First, this one, How to Build Trust in a Relationship by Claire Robin. How to Build Trust in a Relationship by Claire Robin. Or this one, Couples Communication Guide to Love and Happiness by Olivia Leeson. So check this out. Check out these two books because these are gonna give you a greater chance of learning how to connect with one another. If he's resistant for reading these books together, then what potential, if someone is resistant to healthy, building a healthy relationship together, then why would you wanna be with someone? Why? But Jonathan, I love him. Love is not, love is the icing on the cake. Compatibility, healthy communication, shared values, blendable lifestyles, emotional maturity. That is what it takes to build a healthy, happy relationship, not the fantasy that many of you're suckling on. So read these books together to see if you're a fit because don't, listen, once you're at midlife, we don't have time to fuck around anymore. We don't have time to fuck around. Either get busy living or get busy dying. Don't be afraid to speak your truth. Only the right wrong person runs away and gets scared. But Jonathan, I just have to sit back in my feminine energy and it'll all magically work out. By the way, for those know me, yes, I do can't stand that rhetoric because it's just a crock of shit. Lean into, lean into speaking your truth from a kind place, lean into emotional intimacy, lean into co-creating a relationship instead of this passive way of predating that's romance-based and not heart-centered based. And that's my opinion anyway. All right, listen folks, my turtleneck is starting to drive me nuts now. So I think this will be a good place to wrap up. I hope you got value from today's live stream today. Again, please purchase a super sticker, super chat before you wrap up today, just to show that this was valuable to you and again, to honor my son Connor Asley for the scholarship fund. I wanna thank you so much. All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do, first off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Sal and Sassy and Hess and Natalie and Jennifer and Mina and Susan in Virginia and Nutrition Whisperer and everyone who was on tonight. I hope you found value and I hope this changed your life. And again, if you wanna check out the links below to a discovery call with me, to my membership group, to my book or all the recommended books or follow me on Instagram, check out the link in the description. I wanna wish everyone a beautiful blessed evening. Thanks so much. Oops, bye now.