 What he represents is patriarchy. We're here to do work as men, as patriarchs. There's nothing more natural than being a father. Welcome back to the 21 convention, 2019 patriarch edition of Orlando, Florida. Our next speaker is a very good friend of mine. He's a twice returning alumni speaker to this convention. He first spoke in 2017 at our 10-year anniversary. He was recommended to me by the godfather himself, role of Tomasi. That's kind of skeptical. I don't know what to make of this guy. I was like, who's this guy? I don't know Drew. He fell in the aft. I don't know this guy. We got to talk to him on phone. Got to know him at the event. 2018 as well. He came back last year and kicked ass. As I told you guys at the beginning of this conference here in Orlando, this patriarch edition, he's actually the genesis for this specific event even existing. Without him approaching me to do a conference Sunday for him or his company, I would never have the idea. It doesn't make... Yeah, it's just fucking awesome. I'm so happy he came up with the idea. No one's ever given me an idea for a conference of that scale before. I'm very grateful for that. Without further ado, please help me welcome your chief patriarch, the man, the myth, the legend, Hunter Drew. Thanks, Hunter. Thanks, man. Fuckin' A. That was quick. We're at one. All right. We first kicked this thing off. Hearing in shows like that is wild. You try to rise up to it. We're all just men. That's what we're doing. You can put a lot of words to it. You can add a lot of titles to it. We're men. That's where it starts. We're men. We're lovers. We're fathers. That comes from a foundation of being a man. Don't ever forget that. We're all men. We're all in the same playing field. We're all working through the same things in life. Now, before I get into this speech, I didn't get here alone. I had a conversation. Hey, you got the green light. I was pumped. We're going to do something for families. That's what I've been writing about this whole time. Families, like, let's go. So I was pumped. It was cool. But how did I get here? You know, there's zero special things about me. Nothing. I write. I talk. I do what you guys do. I lead. I'm a father. I get involved. That's it. So when I get the title of the chief patriarch, uh-oh, patriarchy, it's cool. But what do you do with that? What does that mean? And I really was like, what does that mean to me? It just means right now it's my turn to have the mic. It's your turn to have the mic later. You'll be the chief patriarch when you go home. When we're sitting at a meal and you're teaching me something, you're the chief patriarch. So understand in the beginning of all this, all the titles, all the cool stuff that they're building up, all the fucks, all that, you know, it's just because I got the mic right now. You're the same thing. You're expected to play the same role. So there is, again, we're back to the roundtable. I didn't get here alone. Nobody gets anywhere alone. So there are a few people I want to recognize early on and then we're going to roll with this thing. I really hope it changes your life forever, as well as your children and your children's children. That's how serious I am about this speech I'm about to give. First is Anthony Johnson. He's the one who green-lighted all this. He's the reason I'm on this stage. He's the reason we're having this event. He's the reason that this thing's going on. I'm going to say it again. The only reason I'm standing on this stage is because of that man. The only reason your asses are on those seats is because of that man. Recognize that. That's hard work. That's dedication on his end to bring us together. This doesn't just happen. All right? We're not women. This is hard work. This is discipline. This is dedication. You got it. So, thank you, Anthony. Second, I want to thank Roland Tomasi. He was the one that put my name up onto that roster. Without him, I wasn't even considered. He's the one that said, hey, this guy's talking about something. Give him a look. Without Rolo, I don't make the roster. I don't have the opportunity to share my voice. I think I've done well. I think when I took the stage, I did exactly what he expected me to do. To spread the message. To stay true to my values and to what is important to me. The third is Ivan Throne. I went to a dark spot. I thought it was time to shut this thing down. I've been writing for a little bit. But what does a father have to do with the red pill for the atmosphere and masculinity? I'm just a dad. That's it. Why should I continue? So, I went to his room and I told him, I'm done, man. I'm pulling the plug after 2017. And he sat me down and he said, no, you're not. Because if you do, you'll have blood in your hands. All those emails you received, the men saying I would have killed myself had not found this. My wife hates me. My children don't respect me. I don't know what to do. Because some men are looking for the ropes you are throwing specifically. He threw me a rope. He's the only reason anything I've done up to this point exists. I co-founded the Fraternity of Excellence. That doesn't happen. I received many more of those emails. Which while it's good to hear that somebody is still breathing because of the words that you put out into the world, it's sad that you have to read those. It's sad that men are going to that point. The resources we're creating are that important. Without Ivan Throne, I'm not up here. So when I'm talking to you guys about having those conversations, about getting over the ego and saying I need help with this, you're not less of a man for asking for help. Being able to have that conversation shows me that you're willing to do the work because you're willing to feel the pain of embarrassment. Some men are embarrassed saying I need help with this. I don't know how to raise my son. My father didn't teach me. I don't know how to pass it on. I truly do. I want things to be better for my family, but I don't know how. Do you know how hard it is for someone to say that? Just thinking of that man right now, I'm not nervous anymore. I'm good. But thinking about that man in that situation, that's rough. Some men are in dark spots and they want better. So be there. Be that man who listens to them. Be that man when you leave here, there's nothing wrong with asking for help. There's nothing wrong with giving help. Once you climb out of that hole, you have a choice. You've got the rope in your hand. You can help the next guy. Or you can go forward and do your thing. There's no wrong path. Live your life, do very well. Had I not been writing for the family alpha, I'd be doing what I'm doing now without this. Taking days, leading my kids, having an awesome time with my wife. That's what I'd be doing. If you choose to throw ropes, understand, those men, they're going to grab it. They're going to climb. When they get up there, you have the opportunity to be like, hey, now you've got it. Now your torch is lit. Now you can go forward. Throw a rope to somebody else. So those three men, I wanted to recognize first and foremost, because nobody gets anywhere alone. And I don't want the crazy titles. I know we're joking. We're amplifying it. But I don't want that to get lost. I didn't get here on my own. I got the mic right now. There's a fourth man. And he's an individual who has significantly helped me personally, professionally. And that's Tanner Guzzi. We've had a lot of conversations that people haven't seen. He's given a lot of advice. Hey, man, his wife. Great family. They've given me advice that I was like, wow. Maybe I could take this thing and actually do something with it. And he was that support. He was there when I'm looking down. Like, I don't know how to do this. How did you do this? Hey, man, here you go. Here's a rope. Here's how I did this climb. I'll take it. I'll run with it. Because of him, as soon as I get back from this convention, I'm dropping notice to my job that I'll be going full-time doing TFA and FOE. Which I'm really looking forward to because that's more creation. That's more time with the family. That's able to build my mission and my dream. So thank you, Tanner. And he played a large part in what I'm going to be talking about today, which is a patriarch type. But I understand Tanner's a patriarch. All the men speaking, patriarchs, all these men are living the message that they're putting out to the world. You guys can tell what fake is. You sit down with us, have a conversation, you know, immediately. That guy's full of shit. That guy stands what he believes in. When you talk with Tanner, you see that. He's leading the family. He's leading the business. And guess what? While he's doing so, he's helping his fellow men. Because when you succeed, we all succeed. When he succeeds, I succeed. When I succeed, you succeed. It's like a rising tide. Our success lifts all of our boats. There's no competition here. I walked through the airport. How many people said, oh, Hunter Drew, what's up, man? Can you sign my tits? Well, the grand total of zero. Nobody knows who I am. Nobody knows who half of us are. We're nowhere near the apex of what we can do with this. What we can do with spreading our message and building our businesses and growing our families. We like to get lost in this world where we're bigger than we are. But we're not. And that's a beautiful, humbling thing. Especially when you're walking through the airport, you see families that are doing well. You see the father walking, holding his wife's hand. You see the put-together children. There is good in this world, and we can't lose that. But we need more. Because, unfortunately, when you see those families, there's a lot more who are overweight. There are a lot more who are bickering at each other because they don't understand how to go through stressful situations and rely on one another for strength. There's a lot more of that going on. And we need to rebuild our patriarch types. So we can fix that. So we can turn the tide. This is a mess. This is the hill I will die on. This is where you'll have to take me offline, and even then, I'll try to rebuild it. That's how important this is to me. Building families and helping men know it's okay to be a family man and a man. Because your family has built off that foundation of being a man. Because before you were a father, before you were a husband or a lover, or whatever your situation is, before all of that, all those titles, you were a father. All those titles, you were a man. You were born a man. You've got responsibilities, duties, and skill sets that come with being a man. Take pride in that. Because everything is built upon it. If you're a good man, you can be a good father, but you can't be a good father without being a good man. That's where it starts. Working on you. And we'll get into that more coming. But for right now, keep that in mind. Everything I'm talking to you about, is to stop being a man. Every single speaker that you see, that is the foundation. Before you see that's a father, that's a man who leads a family well. Several difference, but it matters. When I said Tanner inspired this and kind of led it, obviously we've got the archetype up here. He's got his archetypes. He talks about the rugged. So you think about the Jack Donovan's. The guys who are strong with their hands. They're out in the woods building things. You're the wild guy. They're like studs. They're like things squared away, symmetry, rules. And you've got rakish. Guys like Goldman. Guys that are the free spirits. They're out doing their thing. The way you express that type with society is how you interact with society. You're saying this is me and here's what I'm presenting. This is what I want to show the world. And in turn, society interacts with you. This is what you look like and how you act. This is how you treat you. If you command respect in all three of those, you get respect in all three of those types. Understand that being one does not mean that you are confined to that one. You can be all. Now let's look at family men. When you're a patriarch type, that is how you're interacting with your family. That is how your family is interacting with you. Men who are domineering and using fear to lead. That's a part of the archetype. Men who are dominant and using inspiration to lead. That's a part of it. You want to make sure you're falling on the right side. There are many different types of patriarchs. What's yours? How do you lead? Again, you're not one. You're all. There's a limit of each in you. And you play all those roles, especially as a man. When you are a man, a lover, and a father, you're a patriarch type. You are all three of those things. The foundation from which you base all of your decisions is a belief in self. It is an investment in self. It is an irrational confidence to where you know you will win when it's 400 to 1. The lover. Whether you're married, you're spinning plates, your relationship status means nothing to me. I judge the merit of your character. But when you're dealing with those women, how do you deal with those women? Do they become your mission? Is that your life? Think of yourself, oh man, I gotta make her my world. Now you're not being a good man. Now you're screwing up the other part of that trifecta. And then you look at how you perform as a father. They've got a roof over their head. They've got food on their plate. That's good enough, right? That's how it used to be. That doesn't show up. Go later than that. You know, hey, you're alive. I killed the sabertooth tiger. Cool, go later than that. There's no longer the woolly mammoth that's coming after us. It's society. It's messages. It's social media. It's a barrage of electronics going into your child's mind. Trying to instill software that's going to tell them how to perform. Your children will default to the weakest habit that you've instilled in them. If that's giving up, they're going to quit. If that's believing others not having confidence, they're going to quit. They're going to do that. As a father, you have different expectations now and your children are facing different beasts now than at any other time in our society. So showing up and putting a roof over their head that's no longer good enough because you're leaving your children to the wolves. I don't know if it was Dr. Smith or George but one of them brought that up. That's exactly what they're doing. If you are just showing up a walking paycheck, your children are like lambs to slaughter and society will take them and destroy them and break a beautiful thing. I told you you had skin in this game. Your flesh and blood will be absolutely massacred by the masses if you allow it. And when I say you, I mean literally you. Not your wife. Not your job. Not anything else that thinks of find you. Every single one of you, it will be your fault because you chose to sit back and let it happen instead of taking action. Now for some of you, your children are older. It still applies. It's never too late. You're a fucking father. You don't like it. Understand that the burden of performance is on your shoulders. Understand the expectations are higher. Understand that the challenges we deal with, we collectively as patriarchs deal with is different than that will be faced by single men. And that's fine. Is it better? I think so. Am I biased? 100%. This is my life path. Many of you have chosen the same. I'm not telling you what to do or not to do but this is the fucking patriarch's convention. I'm not going to run with it. I'm going to be the best that we can possibly be while doing it. Now, I wrote a really good quote and I can't memorize it. Invest time at the expense of yourself but never try to self-sacrifice your way to happiness. As fathers, you've got to dedicate time to others that you will not get back. You've got to give time away that is not productive to you but instead of developing yourself you've got to give that away. When you're coaching your children does that build a bond with your child? Yes it does. Does that advance you personally? Outside of that relationship it really doesn't. When I coach my son I coach my daughter I could be writing I could be recording I could be building I could be growing the TFA empire but that's one part of the trifecta while the other one would be gone because as I'm building me the man the father is weakening you've got to balance all three so when you give that time away you don't do so thinking that that's what makes you a good man no, that makes you a good father a good father gives that time and instills it in his children you charge them with your energy the vibrations you give off you put it in them and it charges them up to go further when you're reading with them when you're coaching them in their sports in a phase of life you're helping them reach levels that you'll never attain you're building a stronger foundation in them than you've ever had yourself because you are more educated than your father was because of the world that we live in they didn't have a 21 convention they didn't understand intersexual dynamics at the level that we do we are armed with more knowledge and what are we doing with it are we instilling it in our children? I certainly hope so because tucking your children in bed does not make you a good father putting everybody before you does not make you a good father coaching the homework, driving to recitals that is not what makes you a good father it's all of it it is your presence as a man it's your ability to be the one who says no when you want to say yes last night I had a discussion with a few men about how there are times I don't want to tell my wife no, we're not going to go do that but that's my responsibility it is my duty to draw those boundaries to ensure that I'm leading my claim to those heights it's not accidental I want the life everybody else wants the nice smooth sailing life, it's very comfortable I would love that that's not a reality that's not how it works for men and that's Dan Willen how it works for patriarchs we understand look at this look at that little picture you got the baby going after it that's intentional, that's awesome look what they're doing coming together that baby is getting after it kids are going to be jacked, it's going to be awesome how many dads are sitting with their wives working out with their kids nowadays how many wives are sitting down and reading and husbands and wives sitting down and reading together as a family I asked you earlier how many can say honestly in the past week you've sat on a table and discussing how their day was I get things come up don't think I'm some trad con we all got to have bicandalite that's not what I'm saying I'm saying you need to have routines you need to have traditions you need to have these things where you're instilling you're knowing who your children are because as they're growing you need to lead them to even greater heights you need to start changing and leveling up the message that you're sending to them my son is nine years old how many men here have even considered creating a right of passage for their sons and their daughters my daughter is six she begins at seven what does that mean to you it means if you have young children it is time you start creating a pathway for them to become functional adults I don't want my kids to leave the house it's a fact of life though every time I believe it was George when they started cutting their own food they were crying dude that's a real thing you got to blink that away I love my kids so much but they're not my mission in life is to keep them as kids I've got to raise them properly I've got to instill my values I've got to ensure that I'm helping set them up to be good functional adults I don't have all the answers I'm like all of you we're at a round table we're swapping notes I don't have more time with them I maximize my time with them I don't feel bad saying oh I wish I would have read more with them I read with them I do all the things I came with them I also put myself first at times in that little caveat it gets a lot of guys because they're like oh I do that too I read I do all these things with them I try to build them up that's great have you invested in yourself no you're self sacrificing a happiness you think you're going to have a good life at the end you do have to create that rate of passage while you're leading yourself because if you can't lead you how can you lead them your foundation as a man is flawed, is fractured, is cracked and the castle you're trying to build is going to come crumbling down at one point or another and it's your fault because you're not asking the right questions because you're not looking inside and saying hey where am I failing what am I doing wrong am I having these questions you're here because you want to ask those difficult questions of yourself you want to find out what sucks in your life and how can you fix it because once your life starts getting better your children's lives will start getting better because they see what it looks like when a man thrives when a man genuinely smiles when a husband and wife actually laugh together and have a good time they see that and it inspires them you don't accidentally have great children you don't accidentally have disciplined children a man that didn't just happen it took work it took work on your part so when you fix yourself and you dial yourself in as the patriarch type the man, the lover the father when you dial all that in you can now start leading those beneath you you can start creating that rate of passage for me it was seven years old when they turned seven more responsibilities more freedom more but I hold them to a higher standard you'll be reading and you'll be writing about what you read guess what you also get to stay up a little bit later my son at seven years old he's your first pocket knife these mementos these moments that are like oh wow my dad gave me this that's cool I got a knife now I'm becoming a man and that's what it's about helping that son become a man and take pride in being a man and the burdens that come with being a man helping how to be a man in a world that hates men your daughter she comes up he's your first pocket knife guess what you're a girl the Spartans they train their women too this isn't the he-man-woman-hater club we have daughters and we're going to raise them well as well they taught them gymnastics how to take care of the home how to be strong how to cook and these were their women it wasn't a gogi it wasn't a vision of it but they had a pathway to womanhood have we even considered that or do we have men in this room who are saying well I'm the dad I don't have to worry about the daughter because hear me now you play an equally important role in raising your daughter as you do your son that's uncomfortable for men because they don't get women your wife, your woman any woman in the world they're all the same they have their own histories they have their own personalities 100% but they are all the same the way you interact with them the way you engage with one another the way you ignore certain things that are coming their way guess what they come back to you a minute later to give you a hug after they were just pissed they're crazy there's a lot going on with that that hamster never stops but that's okay you don't get mad about your daughter being a girl you don't tell your son to figure it out on his own you lead them here's how it works for the divorced men who are sharing time with your children well it's hard because she's compromising all of the things that I'm doing I'm trying to get the house to stay up late go to my house you do the best you can that's all you can do is the best that you can do and that's okay the cards are a little bit stacked against you I get it, it's harder for you I get it, it's difficult to not see them I get it you're a man you're a patriarch here's the answer, deal with it it sucks, that's what men do you do the best you can do consistently day after day you show up when I come home from work dead tired and my kids come out dad, it's the greatest thing in the world, big hug you wanna go play catch? sure, playing catch daughter, hey you wanna push me in the swing? cool, now I'm pushing with the baseball glove on catching the ball, pushing my daughter in the swing catching the ball, you make it work you do what you have to do, guess what I want it to do go inside and sit down that's the father the man I come home, my family comes running out hey, dad, it's awesome to see you it's good to see you, how was your day? what have you done today to ensure that you did the right thing? hey wife how are things, good to see you stuff's great taking care of the home, ensuring nothing happened while you were not around to take care of it what's the status of our family? the lover walk in, grab the wife give her a kiss, grab your girlfriend hey, it's good to see you how are you doing, lay some game keep it fresh, have fun, move forward you do all three of those things because you are the patriarch type you don't just play with your children you don't just check the security of your home you don't just check the status of your family you also go forward and make sure that your lover is doing well as well that's the other part of you the romantic you balance all three of these in your life every single day because you're a patriarch that's what makes us who we are if you find yourself in a situation where you don't know what it is, where to start where to begin, it starts with you check your daily habits check what it is you do when you go home you might be an absolute stud at work million dollar sales working 60 hour weeks, absolutely killing it but then when you go home you relax and guess what your wife and your children see their family sees they see the relaxed dad they have no idea that you kicked ass that entire day and they don't care because that doesn't help them at all you want to be more than a walking paycheck be more than a walking paycheck come home and don't gym shorts and t-shirts back to Tanner, don't slip into the comfort you know the self hug don't slip into maximizing your comfort understand you've got a job to do you've got to perform you can only see a man come home from work crack open a beer and sit in the couch to watch Netflix for the next six hours so many times before they're like hey that's not a leader we talked earlier about interacting with your family and your family interacting with you that being your archetype you're interacting with your family by being domineering by being lazy by saying I command respect because I'm the man you've got to earn that you don't just say hey respect me it's earned, you take it from people they don't expect you or not you've told them they have to because of the way you perform or you can interact with your family like the man who cracks open the beer and sits down and that's how your family will interact with you they'll give you the results of a man who's lazy your wife will get lazy your kids will be lazy you can't tell your children to do something you can't do yourself you cannot expect your family to have a higher standard than you're willing to hold yourself wife why don't you work out children why don't you work out well dad why don't you work out bye paycheck okay see you later we laugh that's the life situation a lot of men are living in right now we laugh because a lot of men in here I've recognized they've seen that and they're improving themselves and you're working to get to a higher standard so you laugh how many millions aren't though how many millions of men right now don't understand why their wife won't sleep with them they're frustrated just wondering what are they doing wrong they're a good guy they're working they come home relaxed because they have a hard job they're paying the bills what are they doing wrong they're following the wrong set of rules they don't see the reality they're still worshiping us and they're not noticing that it's just a man you don't see the strings you know they don't understand that they're doubling down on the wrong thing some of you have doubled down on the wrong thing I need to be more dominant and confident I'm alpha I'm going to the bar with the men because that's what men do dinner on the table when I get back let me know how that works out with you talk about red pill Rambo you hear some of the guys going crazy with it it's a real thing they swing the pendulum so far to the other side that they don't recognize they need to find a happy middle they need to find balance among the trifecta of what the patriarch type is balance balancing the man the lover and the father it's not all man it's not all father like I said I coach my kids baseball team that doesn't mean I love my kid more it just means I dedicate that time to each other that doesn't mean I'm going to get more sex you coach baseball let's smash that's not how that works third base go so you're looking at it you know from these guys who are swinging all the way right to all the way left and some guys in here there will be a few of you who go home and change everything and for two days you do and then guess what it's hard because you're sore get a sore throat where's Drew can't work out can't give you speech it is what it is things come up so you quit and you go back to your comfort zone and you forget that you're not balancing anything you're back to being a man who works nine to five pays for things and that's it that's who you are it's not a patriarch a part of our job as we're developing ourselves and we get to the point where we are believing what we're doing is teaching our children to leave the home I touched on this earlier I'm not looking forward to that at all a story I had considered not even sharing because it makes me look like a woman Tex and I were in the cab from the airport to come here and he was talking about how I was talking about coaching and he was talking about he coached his son's football team and he coached them through seventh grade or he went into the locker room and gave them a speech and I looked out the window because again I was like shit my boy is growing up he's becoming a man and when you do that when you see that happening inside them you realize your time is limited and that's okay that's the beauty of what it is we're doing as fathers is our time is limited and that's what makes it beautiful you've got a window you've got a window to do the right thing to instill the right thing in them a small window and then they're their own man in that window what did you give them selflessly what did you instill in them when you when I'm raising my son I'm raising my son's son what will my son teach his boy that when he comes home he should open a beer and sit down and relax on the couch is that what I'm teaching him when I'm raising my daughter and I'm showing up what am I teaching her a man should do what is a man when she's looking for potential sexual relationships she's sick so I don't even like talking about this but when boyfriends start coming around what is she looking for I'm not going to be that dad saying oh I'm cleaning this shotgun on the porch I'll have an open relationship with my daughters because she's going to hide things if I'm saying I'll be that fake alpha saying I'm going to shoot a kid because he wants to date my daughter you're not going to shoot a kid you're like that's not real stop doing that you look stupid have a relationship of open communication with your daughter and she wants you to vet that young man dad this is fucker hey fucker she's like he does this you know we met whatever she'll bring him to you like I would like you to meet my father because my father is the gatekeeper to this clan our sons our daughters they're going to leave our homes you have a limited window to teach them everything you can I understand that and for the men here who have older children who might have flown the coop and I said there's no time that's too late you can always turn it around that's true but the earlier you get them the better so you start setting that example you start instilling the values that'll carry them through life that'll set them up for success and push them to a higher trajectory than you could ever imagine my son and daughter will reach heights I don't know exist I'm a foundation much stronger than the one I had as a man you can only spend so much time saying dad why didn't you do this dad why didn't you teach me that what the hell dad I wanted you to you could have been better why didn't you teach me you know how much further I could be and then my kids it doesn't matter that time's gone it's on you now now you're the patriarch now you're the man wearing the crown and now you decide what it is you do and what it is you instill in your children they take their kids and push them up to the next one because there are things I'm not doing right I understand that and my son will take what works and he'll disregard the rest and his son or his daughter will go even further and I'll be there watching it cheering them on because being a patriarch is being selfless you have to give that time to them you have to know you're doing so so they can go further than you and that should be the proudest moment of your life is when you see them surpass you when you see them doing better I'm just talking about making money they have joy they have pride they're in a world that hates men and tries to exploit women and yet it's like they have a force field because you taught them how to be bulletproof your boy is like I'm strong I'm confident, competent I'm properly aggressive I know how to speak and I'm not going to allow you to change that I'm not going to change so you like me I am me, you change by the uber allies the sisterhood if you will it's for the women as patriarchs you have an opportunity to stop that you have an opportunity every single one of you has the opportunity to change the course of their lives to the better forever through action through choosing to do the hard things and have the hard conversations this isn't easy sometimes that isn't even fun but you do what you do you guys see my Twitter you'll see what I'm talking about hey kicking ass doing things it's also very difficult and I try to share that as well because I want you to know the reality of the situation sometimes the nights are dark sometimes you feel alone build your tribes you have somewhere to go during those moments your wife doesn't get you your kids don't get you it's just you that burden is on you and you've got to keep walking the rock rolls down the hill grab it, push it back up don't care, push it back up I'm sore, push it back up I don't care what your excuses are I understand that it can be difficult so that's why you build your brotherhood I gave you four names when I started this of men who I've gone to when things were dark when things were hard men who could understand fellow patriarchs I've got my brothers and the fraternity of excellence over there when shit hits the fan I go to them I sit with those men we talk it out I hash it out with my council my inner tribe if you will build that in your lives because you're going to find a point where you're weak where the world is against you and you're out of gas and that's when your brother picks you up and he starts dragging you for a little bit and then you get to walking and now you're running with the pack again and he does so because at some point he's going to fall at some point one of those men are going to fall and I'll be the one to be like hey, I got you get up, walk, run that's what men do that's part of this convention building bonds creating relationships forging a network that you can go to so you don't go back to the man you were before you came here again, do not disrespect my time or the 21 convention name by doing nothing when you leave here that's ridiculous to even fad I can't even imagine somebody spending the time and the money you guys have spent to do nothing from here get some water I also want to talk about the need to say what it is you're thinking don't assume your brothers know how you feel don't assume your children know that when they did the thing that you told them to do you were proud when's the last time your father said to you I'm proud of you just saying that my fucking heart's like of course you want dad to be proud your wife when's the last time you told her you were proud you're talking about changing yourself and leading yourself you're talking about making all these improvements and then when they do it nothing silence from you you look over oh my son worked out today my daughter did this awesome thing my wife cooked alright cool we're doing this for you as our leader we're doing this to you wanted us to fill these roles and we're doing it they don't know that you feel proud about that your children when you are teaching them not only to take pride in themselves you've also got to teach them how to properly handle those emotions and when to give that energy that gift of verbal praise to them I'm really proud of you for doing that hey wife this is a great meal thank you for taking the time to cook it this way because we're trying to go low carb because AJ Cortez told me to you know you have all these things going on you've got all these improvements going on you can't just look inside be like oh man I'm killing it twitter I did this awesome thing 400 likes neat what about your family they're doing awesome things why don't you pick your head up stop looking inside but outside spread that energy to them tell them you are doing the right thing encourage them to continue on they don't know what you don't tell them nobody's reading your mind nobody knows what it is that you're proud of you're taking confidence in and pride in because you're silent because as men we don't know how to speak men don't communicate we're beyond that it's 2019 get the fuck out of your own way start speaking intelligently with your family start leading them properly start letting them know when they fucked up when they did well and everything in between be that voice you are the beacons the starboard the port keep them in the middle you're doing great you're not doing so great and constructively help them fix it because men don't talk about problems that's not what we do we work towards solutions talking about a problem that's not for us that's not our thing or patriarchs cool here is a problem how do we fix it not here is a problem and it's in our way and that's what's stopping us and that's okay because that's an excuse be a man when a man tells you to man up a man's telling you to get the fuck out of your own way I receive a lot of messages from guys this isn't working for me I'm doing this thing wrong I can't stop doing that and my response is always you know what the answer is you don't need me to give you permission to do the right thing none of you here need permission from me to go out and live a better life than you've been living up to this point or to forge networks go do that thing stop thinking about how awesome it is to do that thing and how great of a life you could have if you did it go do it take the actions stop using the words as patriarchs we're the last line understand that mainstream media is coming down hard we say we want the future to be bright we want the future to be strong we want America to be great or for the international your country to be great you want that as well make it so the fathers are the last line of defense that we have as the ones with skin in the game as the ones who have the responsibility of raising the next life a living human being the burden of performance on your shoulders cannot be overstated there is a human life that is going to live to the standard that you've set if you take your foot off the gas if this group can't make a difference what's going to happen who's left think about that who cares as much as we care we need a better future we have to build a better future we've got to protect our children nobody's protecting your child but you if you're not teaching your child in the home and you think that is the government's responsibility you're fucking up that should be supplemental to what's taking place in the home and I'm not saying you have to home in school I'm saying you've got to instill values you've got to ask them questions every day over dinner what did you learn at school today how was your day what are your goals, where are you going what are you reading you don't interrogate them like I am right now but you obviously go through and have the conversation it should flow, it should be natural you should have an open relationship with your children daily where you're checking in on what is being put into your brain their young minds are brilliant our children are capable of so much more than we give them credit push them, challenge them get them to the edge go beyond it because sometimes you've got to fall on your face to find out where the line is good, fall on your face and get up you're my son you're my daughter, we get up teach them that show them in your life when you fall you will get up show them when you come home from this convention it mattered and you don't flip things over on their head but you start making small incremental changes that are permanent you're consistent with your action your family is not your mission understand that your purpose in life is not to be a dad your purpose in life is not to be a husband or a lover you start as a man that is where your mission comes from it begins at that foundation my mission began as a man when I was born, I knew I just wanted to have a family so I built it but my wife was not the goal they were just a part of what I wanted to live I wanted to balance my patriarch type and I wanted to go forward and do things then I created the family alpha I joined 21Con with this whole thing that we've created I became a part of that and I kept going forward I want to close this with this story it's very personal to me because it's happening right now tomorrow is opening day for my town's baseball league I'm the head coach of my son's team tomorrow there's going to be a big parade walking through the town I ordered a flag for our team so my son is carrying a flag with the team name and all these other tools on these other teams they just walk with their hats, whatever and my kids are beasts I've already primed them that they're going to be absolute savages walking through this thing my kid holding the flag my kid walking down, guess what it's also team photo day picture of all the boys our biggest game, my son starting pitching tomorrow I'll be sitting in this room with you gentlemen I won't be in the photos I'm not going to see the parade I'm not going to go through those moments with him why? because I need this and you need this and this is my mission a missed game he's not going to hang on to it I told him I wouldn't be there I said last time you weren't there, last 21 gun I struck out 13 kids in a game I'm good, I got it he's like what the fuck I'll miss you it's not always easy the weekend that I flew down with Anthony and Elliott and Socrates we recorded with these gentlemen over here some monster shooting videos blasting guns, shooting rifles was awesome my wife had a giant event hey, can you stay home? I can't I've got to do this thing when you have purpose people want to support you there are times when you make a difficult choice it's not easy I didn't make that up I didn't just show up and be spoon fed this life I've gone through my challenges the armor that I'm wearing is dinged, cracked, broken I just keep going forward it's not always comfortable it's not always easy it's not always going to be the thing that you want to do but sometimes you've got to place your mission first because if you don't, what do you become? if I give up 21con, if I give up TFA because that allows me to be at home more all of a sudden now I'm focusing everything on fatherhood everything on lover and now my foundation will start to deteriorate and then the rest will start to deteriorate you've got to balance all three I leave you with that and I hope you guys will instill all that confidence in your foundation and bring this forward again, it doesn't matter what I say up here it matters what you do when you leave thank you