 So one of our members posted an interesting question and I thought I'd lean into this today because she I believe if I understood her post correctly she is interested in two men and One of the men looks good on paper and the other man she has a greater physical attraction and she feels confused so I thought I'd lean into this conversation what happens Should we do when we feel confused and how to make the best choices for ourselves? So I think first and foremost, it's critically important to ask yourself What it is you're looking for in a relationship. What kind of relationship are you looking for? Are you looking for marriage? Are you looking to live together with someone? Are you looking for a relationship where you're spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities? Hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy Okay, that's in the one layer. Or are you looking for a cyber relationship? Are you looking for a friends with benefits? Are you looking for a situation ship or are you looking for a casual relationship now? Many in the dating realm start off going. I just want something casual. I want no pressure Okay Well, here's the challenge when you want something casual and no pressure and the other person wants casual and no pressure Well, you might elevate your desire to something greater and they stay at that level Okay So I think it's critically important to begin when you're when you find yourself confused Ask yourself. What type of relationship am I looking for first and foremost? Now when it comes to men I think it's really also critically important to understand that while many of you desire Men are the leaders of the relationship and you can just sit back in your feminine energy and just let him claim you Sounds like a great narrative, you know for a Disney movie or a rom-com or something like that And yet the reality is when we're meeting total strangers these days and we don't know their values We don't know their lifestyles. We don't know their backstory. We don't know who their family and friends are. I Think it's critically important for you ladies who I coach To first be in charge of your relationship destiny in other words Don't give that job to the guy you were in charge your destiny because sadly many women Operate from the premise of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself And in that you many of you want to be validated by the man To and more importantly you have this Expectation the man is the leader of the relationship and while that sounds great what I mean by leader is I don't believe when relationships are a one-up one down other words Someone's on top and the other ones on bottom although in the bedroom that can work. Well Especially when you take turns Taking turns See that's really what I want to lean into today because when it comes to making a decision first decide what it is you want or Importantly and do you want to co-create with someone? Co-create with someone and then ask yourself is does this person have the capacity to co-create? The person that looks good on paper probably does But you have to understand and certainly a man who you feel a Physical connection with might also be as well. So then it really boils down to if you're going to make a decision ask yourself Do you have chemistry with one another? Do you share the same values with each other? Does this person's lifestyle? Compatible with mine. Can we blend lives together and in addition? Does this person have the emotional maturity? To lean into a more serious relationship. Do they have the relationship skills? So this Are you going to ask the deeper questions? Well, I'm begging you to do this deeper question But are you going to ask the more important questions in the early stage of dating to determine if you have The same values are your lifestyles compatible with one another and does this person have the emotional maturity? So it goes beyond asking the question. I was funny I was on an interview recently and they thought that the best question to ask someone is where do you see yourself in five years? you know, I Like to see myself as a billionaire. I'd like to see that but does that mean that's actually going to happen and Sometimes they might say that they want a serious relationship But when they say they want a serious relationship, what does that really mean? What does that mean? Those are just words until you actually describe What it is that looks like So When you're faced with a challenging decision where there's two options First you have to narrow it down to to choosing one option In other words, it comes down to Choosing the best option for you and here's the thing in the dating process I'm a big believer of investing in one person at a time. It gets very Convoluted when we when there's circular dating when there's multiple dating when there's there's this dating of you know without real intent This now I'm not here to suggest which one you choose the reality of life though is You know 99 out of a hundred people aren't a fit for you anyway So you can explore the one with chemistry But if it's just physical chemistry and you don't share the same values, you don't have blendable lifestyle You don't have emotional maturity. That's not going to work out and while the person that looks good on paper If there isn't some sort of connection with one another that's going to be challenging. I will say this though I've interviewed thousands of women who have told roughly about who are I've interviewed thousands of women of which a Significant percentage of them are in healthy happy relationships. A third of them told me I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first second or third date I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first second or third date. So something changed Here's the thing if you feel an emotional connection with someone That's a good place to start. If you feel a Intellectual connection with someone we call that sapiosexual That's a good place to start if you feel some sort of you know If there's something about their personality that you find interesting. That's a good place to start Okay But at the end of the day it all starts with you and what that means is get clarity on the type of Relationship you want and only focus on investing time with those people who are capable of Actually leaning into that kind of relationship. Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know All right, that's enough of me pontificating today. I hope you found value in this video Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts if you also do Please tell your friends about midlife love mastery send them to my website Jonathan as late calm have them Click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group and I'm going to sign up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great Source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye. Bye