 I will not take the mirror image spell literally and just shoot the wizard as not left-handed. My first wish cannot be to invalidate the previous character's last wish. Despite what the rules say, it doesn't take 45 minutes to choke a tenth-level fighter to death. I cannot take the parachute skill until somebody invents the parachute. We are not going through the phone book to see whose name is a killing word either. It is not automatically assumed whatever vehicle my cop commandeers is a monster truck. North Equatorial, Kansas is not a real state. Nowhere in the timeline is Superfly McBoomboom, a U.S. vice president. No part of the Constitution is written in visible ink. The movie phone guy can't be the voice of the ship's computer. No use in the time machine to set the star-spangled banner to anything by white zombie. My canine officer cannot spend his animal acquisition cash to buy two dozen chihuahuas. I will not shoot a great old one just to say I did it. I will make it abundantly clear the guy playing my mortal enemy is a good friend in real life. The Pope does not have cyberpsychosis. I will not wish we were still playing Torg. Checking to see if the mad slasher is dead is okay, dismembering him with a shotgun is overkill. My sniper will not kill all the bad guys before the rest of the party is in range. In the middle of black ops, I can't sell my niece's band candy to the hostages. I will tell the noobs the storyteller wasn't joking about kicking people in the jewels for macking on jailbait. While not lethal, ferris wheels aren't exactly healthy to vampires. Outside of Kingwood Community College, moose antlers do not mean out of character. Dane glass windows are not a standard feature on Panzer tanks. The spell extract water elemental does not work on water elementals. I will not waste critical successes on drumming. I can't use my pistols to communicate a moose code. There is no patron saint of the Dohekahedron. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999. There is no such thing as a 37 sexual. We are not sneaking in more to address this tour guides. Even if it does take the thief 10 minutes to search the room, that's not enough time for a quickie. If it's cheaper to buy a new gun and reload the old one, there is a problem. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a belt fed pistol. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the DM's riddle. The spell is called Prismatic Spray, not Taste the Rainbow. Before we start the dungeon crawl, I don't have to have my monk oiled down. My rogue trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment. My mage can't just sleepwalk to get around resting for spells. When the power gamer sleeps, can't move the camp down the road. Can't lure out Housely Owl mech warriors by announcing a Chinese fire drill. Now highly effective, grabbing a man by a small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned upon. My superhero didn't survive the purge of supers by just playing left offensive guard for the Detroit Lions. My warhammer does not have a claw part. Not allowed to just blow the support under Menzo Berenzen. No matter how appreciated, I have to have a better superpower than Cure's cancer by touch. I can't spend ship points to put a Starbucks on the bridge. I will stop making up space marine chapters. My Netrunner's icon has to be something other than a space invader's ship. The total lullarian government tends to notice large purges of the cows, trebuchets and surveying gear. The dirty hairy, feeling lucky punk speech doesn't work with a longbow. During the black ops, all cell phones go unvibrate. My lunar-class cruiser has more than one bathroom. I can't wish my girlfriend with hot like you. Arch-villains don't care about zoning restrictions. No matter how well I roll on my Intimidate Check, France won't surrender. I do not have weapon proficiency in craftsmen. I will not hoard Electrum in 2nd edition because I know it will be phased out. No dire marmot mounts until they publish the rules. Any mention of life day gets everybody a dark side point. My character is not addicted to the feeling, the shindig or love. Not possible to tattoo the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel anywhere in my body. Weapon codes mean bludgeoning, slashing and piercing, not ballistic, serrated or pneumatic. Dwarves have to take the plate melt off before sex. Super speed gives immunity to friction. Shape changing is an acceptable superpower. Shape changing only into the 93 San Diego Padres is not. Bunk cards are not for 3 card monte. I don't get to play anybody's shadow. Werewolves normally do not have access to the Sonnet specialization. The opening lyrics to Rocket Ages are not an acceptable substitute to a real plan. No signing and frontal contracts and disappearing ink. Can't bluff the Empire at hop with just a whole bunch of snowmen. The navigator has warped sight, not insane-o vision. Attempting the woo to space elf clown does not turn the adventure into a harlequin romance. I do not have to scan the Romulan ambassador for cuties. Apaches do not settle arguments by Indian leg wrestling. I will tell the new player fantasy games means gnomes and wizards not assless chaps in jumper cables. The Degas gun is not a real gun. Every time the halfling gets a critical hit, I don't have to feed him a snack. No one in the party gets to name their character Kergan McAsskicker. I will not spend 30 minutes of the game trying to buy an accordion. I will stop using crew as hit points. I need to stop telling new players bars were the original prestige class. Even if the rule of the lawet can't take a prestige class at level 4. Even if the rule of the lawet, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw. Vegapig me, they're not part of this complete breakfast. The progenitor's job is not just to supply the good stuff. There is no way the iteration X mage is going to make it through airport security. It's not okay to stick the syndicate agent with the check every single time. We aren't calling the NWO agent at odd hours just to answer trivia questions. We will buy a GPS already so we don't have to drag the void engineer everywhere. Rokia do not make Pac-Man noises when they attack. If the solar cringes, it's time to reassess my alignment. Even if the rule of the lawet, I can't build myself an Imperator Titan. Flak armor is not just a muscle shirt with the word armor stenciled on it. We aren't raising the villain from the dead because we haven't killed him enough yet. Even if she's the most dangerous, the party doesn't appreciate me killing the naked chick first. Devils don't appreciate natural 20s on a bargain check. If my gun can easily kill everything in the room, I go last in initiative. There is no prize for having the prettiest werewolf. Even if the rule of the lawet, I can't mount a flamethrower on a knife. Sethilopods do not get bonuses to attack Japanese women. Druids have many roles in the party. Minesweeper is not one of them. I am not El Vago the gay blade. When told to pick a number between one and ten, the answer is not pie. I cannot have a Bluetooth telegraph. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit. They do not sell tire spikes as KB toys. I cannot kill any man away made famous by Rutger Hauer. Even if I am captain, I can't have my man ported my frigid. If the GM says 3d6 straight down, he didn't mean it if that gives me a pixie fairy berserker. Even if she started it, no setting the princess on fire. There is no such thing as boobs plus one. No matter how much they enjoy it, no juggling half-land children. I will stop telling the noob the Star Wars universe celebrates people exploding at the age of twenty-five. Despite what the rules say, a draconian life preserver is a bad idea. Despite what the mass says, elves do not gestate for an entire decade. I will not take the flaw enemy, Paranoids. Any character even remotely resembling Mr. B. Natural is dead before the first dice are rolled. If the elf is rolling badly, doesn't mean we need to water him. I will not use the druid's chakram to play Frisbee with his dire wolf. No using the reduced spell to only buy a child's ticket at the movies. Militech does not have a wedding registry. Can't thwart the Cylon's massive attack just by installing Norton Antivirus. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a black ops. Rebed away more than a duck. My character's favorite color is not burnt umber hulk. Getting a blue chip for humor does not entitle me to an acceptance speech. If all the players have to pull their D6s so I can roll for initiative, time to retire the character. I can't meddle in ass kicking. Starships do not have to drop anchor. Starfleet's rules on using the holodeck for recreating scenes from Caligula are very clear. I will not blow all my starting cash into his house cats. If plan A was beat it out of him, plan B can't be just asked nicely. If it's revealed Shakespeare was the author of Funky Cold Medina, my time machine privileges are revoked. No bioengineering dolphins to shoot laser beams out of their blowholes. Animals native to Australia are not eligible for my druid's companion. Dibs is not a term of bereavement. Using the dwarf of the battering ram is expected. Other siege weapons not so much. No giving a character a dumb name so he could pick fights over it later. There is a limit to the number of adjectives I can attach to an uppercut. No matter what it says, my intelligent warple sword is not getting rewarded with a candy bar. No matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't make a man's head explode. Despite precedent, if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard. Even if it fills the mission parameters, no machete killing sprees dressed like Carmen Miranda. Even more bad pun for a character name and I'm forbidden from playing in the furry RPG. I am not one Batman. Any character requiring the GM to tab more than ten pages of rules for reference is vetoed. And if we're playing in the Old West, can't spend all my money on leather, whips and barbed wire. I can't free the cannibals prisoners by starting a food fight with them. Venting non-essential crew to the void before payday is an unacceptable cost-cutting measure. No teaching halflings how to fly. My nega magician will not taunt the wage-mage, brayer-rabbit style. The power gamer would appreciate me not bringing the book with the role he is grotesquely abusing. A warning shot is not one that just wounds him. No using the halfling as a grappling hook. Starting a flame war on the internet is bad. Starting a flame war not on the internet is much, much worse. My halberd deer is not disarmed and dangerous. The words rock-arper will not appear in any of my wishes. Just because he has specialization and observation skills does that mean he likes to watch. And if we just stole all their alkaline chemicals, that does not mean all their base belongs to us. Cleaning out the dungeon means Morton is backing up a cement truck to the window. No starting a mosh pit in a leper colony. There is no such thing as a bad touch attack. If my rogue trader manages to arrive before he leaves, no cleaning up on the lottery. I will not forget to uncuff the pedophile from outside the car before driving back to the station. If it takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, I need to pick a smaller gun. When told to distract a bad guy, that didn't mean by playing wham over their comm links. When told to distract a bad guy, that didn't mean by shooting the guy standing next to him. When told to distract the bad guy, that didn't mean by setting him on fire. Dungeons are not handicapped accessible. Before entering the dungeon, I will take off the I'm With Tasty Tabard. I will remember the incredible luck super power is illegal in Vegas. I will not start dating another character's arch enemy. I cannot start the game radioactive. If an enemy fails a stun check, that does not give me a free hit for flinching. Before I get it on with the green chick, I will make sure she is supposed to be that color. Before I sass the power gamer, make sure the other players got my back. I don't get any XP for anything I killed in a flashback. No amount of character points lets me start as the Beatles bagpiper. The point of the improvised weapon skill is not to see how many different things I can kill people with. Just crossing the fingers behind his back is not an option for my paladin. It's not a real way to kill somebody. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them one at a time is an alignment check. No making up euphemisms for death. There is no neurotic book of fantasy. Dodge everything while standing still is not a real spell. No following a minute behind gold leader and just shooting down Vader. Just because he starts every game in a tavern doesn't mean the barbarian needs rehab. One third of the elf homeland GDP does not go to haircare products. I don't get double XP if I kill the monster with explosive decompression. True sight doesn't tell me what the NPC's treasure type is. Buying the alternative identity advantage is perfectly legal, unless it's Elvis. When asked to describe my room, can't use smog's layer in the template. The bottery is not a stat. Not load a shotgun just with rock salt because I'm feeling mean. Yes, Les Paul is a guitar guide. No he cannot grant spells. Can't use the decanter of endless water for water skiing, the jacuzzi, or a wet tabard contest. Andorans are not closely related to smurfs. The astromech appreciates it if we stop using him for ordnance delivery.