 Today, we're going to talk about how women oftentimes look desperate to men. So these are major turnoffs, seven of them to be exact. But I will tell you this, everything I'm about to share goes for men as well. I'm going to tell you, men do these things. It's desperate. It's a turnoff. So let's jump into the first one right now. This seems to happen so frequently in the early stages of dating, mating, and relating. And that is people who want exclusivity and commitment well before you ever know a person. Let me ask you this. Have you ever found yourself in a dating environment, whether it was a man or yourself, or a woman or a female friend, you know, where they literally wanted commitment out of the other person by the first date? Well, we have to kind of examine this for a second because it does happen so frequently. I think this is part of human nature and I would say men do this because men can be very territorial. But I'm going to tell you, women can be territorial as well. So when you meet someone you connect with, you like them, you feel like there's some potential, oftentimes you want to take the person off the market, okay, especially for those that happen to where this happens on the first or second meeting, the physical meeting. This happens frequently with women acting this way. And I've certainly seen men act this way. And I believe this to be a very desperate move because these are people who really don't know who they are. They don't know who they want. They are, they most likely have some deep wounding within themselves. Some deep inner wounding. Maybe it's a childhood wound or trauma. Maybe it's an adult trauma. But within that, they feel the need to attach to someone very quickly or take them off the market very quickly. And when we, when I mentioned those who have childhood wounds or traumas, let me just say this about trauma. It doesn't have to be something major and significant. It doesn't have to be sexual abuse as a child. It doesn't have to even be physical abuse. It doesn't have to be major emotional abuse. You see, the thing is children experience micro traumas in many cases, many micro traumas within their life, their early stages of growing up, that this can cause one to have a negative pattern or limiting belief in their adult life. Or it might cause them to feel anxiety, anxiousness, you know, or fear within themselves. So even a micro trauma that happened in childhood could manifest itself to wanting to attach to someone incredibly quickly, okay? So let me just say this, whether it's a man or woman that happens to do this. And while it might look desperate, I just merely want to say that this is coming from a wounded place inside a person. Then they simply just want to be loved. They want to be loved for who they are. They want to be loved for, you know, I'm going to say it, they just want to be loved for who they are. And sadly, many people aren't because they don't love themselves on the inside. It's one of the reasons why I wrote a book, folks, called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work. And by the way, there's a link below to get a copy of all the books I recommend today. I always recommend about a half a dozen books. So I just want you to be aware that this happens, this desperation happens for men and women for a variety of different reasons. Now let's get into number two. Well before we get into number two, I think it's kind of important to recognize that chemistry, attraction, bonding, attachment, or even scarcity cause people to act desperate. Humans do unhealthy things in their life based on chemistry, based on attraction, based on attachment, based on bonding, or scarcity believing that there's no one else that's going to fill this role the minute you connect with a person. So they oftentimes act in unhealthy behavior. Recently I shared in a video how oftentimes we take red flags of a person and we can paint them green, okay? Well, this happens because we have been, you know, because of chemistry, because of bonding, because of attachment, because of scarcity. Sometimes we just feel like that this might be the only person available to us and it might act us in unhealthy ways, in desperate ways. Okay, so let's jump into number two. I think women do this more so than men, but overtly sexual on social media, overtly sexual on social media, or overtly sexual in public. Now I believe that's an act of desperation, quite frankly. They believe that they can only attract someone based on their sexuality. And I will say I see men do this as well. I've noticed that it's funny, I'm watching 90 day fiance the other way and there's a gentleman who is Turkish so I can relate to his cultural upbringing, but I would say he acts very desperate because his Instagram is all those modeling photos of him showing his six back. And the reason why that's desperate is that these are people that believe that they can only attract someone based on their physical appearance and not necessarily their intellect or their emotional IQ. So I think, but going back to women who are overtly sexual on social media, overtly sexual in public. And while we can say hey, they're just expressing themselves, I do believe there's an element of desperation that is causing people to be overtly sexual in this particular case and it's something to look out for. I believe it's a major turn off to emotionally healthy men. Let me just say this, most of when I talk about high quality men, high value men, emotionally mature men, it's because if you're not familiar with my relationship maturity or excuse me, emotional maturity relationship chart and this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. I believe 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I do state here that 20% are emotionally healthy and I'm being rather generous when I say that, most everybody is dysfunctional in some way, shape or form. This is what causes them to act desperate, to come from a place of scarcity. And yes, this is what happens to women more so than men, but I will say men can equally act desperate as well. Number three, this is true for women, this is true for men, constantly needing validation or reassurance. Now this typically happens when an anxious attachment style individual is with an avoidant attachment style individual. If you're not familiar with the book, Attached by Emerald Levine and Rachel Heller or the book Wired for Love by Dr. Stan Tatkin, I recently interviewed him on my channel go look for that. But when an anxious person is with an avoidant, an avoidant is less emotionally expressive than an anxious person. So an anxious person will act needy because they're receiving less validation from their partner. Now I'm strictly talking about anxious avoidant in this particular case, but certainly when someone is feeling lack within them, a lack of self-love, a lack of self-worth, a lack of self-esteem, a lack of self-confidence, they might need constant reassurance, they have a neediness for validation, for reassurance on a constant basis. I mean, you won't even be able to sleep, it's asking for it constantly, whether it is through text message validation or even in person. That certainly demonstrates a person who is in a space of being desperate if it's happening in the early stages of dating. Okay? All right, let's jump into number four. Oh my God, this happens so much. Over texting or social media liking, you know, you go on Facebook and you go and click like on all their pictures and you're just hitting like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. When it's excessive, when it's an excessive amount, when there's a need to excessively text with one another, the need to constantly be in communication with one another, or at least communicate with the other person, that certainly is a sign of desperation. By the way, men do this too, women do this. This isn't strict for one gender, although I believe we have a world now of multiple genders. I've lost track of how many there are right now. But I'm probably, I'm mostly talking about heterosexual males and heterosexual females. And for my demographic that I speak to, and I would state that those who over need constant text messaging, if they are the constantly over liking people on their Facebook or social media or Instagram pages, usually assign that they're in a space of desperation. As I said earlier, desperation is usually comes from a deeply wounded place inside of a person. And you know what, it saddens me that we are in an environment where the vast majority of Americans, I'm going to strictly speak about the Americans, people in the United States, there's a real, there's a real loneliness amongst Americans. Because we no longer live in true community and tribes and, and we feel like there's, there's such a melting pot of different people that we don't feel a sense of similarity. This is why we see a divide happening in this country. And within that divide, it creates more separateness. And within this separateness, there's a significant loneliness within people. And it's natural to want a mate in your life. It's natural to want a life partner, someone you can grow old with someone that you can hold hands at the last day of your life. It's very natural to want that. At the same time, we're searching for it. And I say, we, I put myself in this category because folks, I'm no different than you. I'm riddled with foibles, with flaws. I'm riddled with all kinds of insecurities, fears, peculiarities, idiosyncrasies, neurotic at times. So I mean, I'm just a human being doing my best that I can. So I'm not here to profess that I'm better than anyone else out there. I'm with you in this thing we call the human experience. And so everything I've shared, well, I don't think I've been overtly sexual in my life, but I've certainly, I've operated much in, I've done many of what's listed here in this list, in this for this list I created for this presentation. Okay. Texting, social media liking. Okay. Number five, trying to impress them with who you are bragging about your accomplishments. I will say that men do this, but women do this as well. I think women feel this need to impress people with their accomplishments, to brag about it to some degree. Certainly men do this, look at the car I'm driving, look at the house I live in, and that sort of thing. So I think when you're doing this overtly, it shows a sign of desperation, makes you look desperate to a man or a woman. And those, and I think people, I think people that try to overtly impress with the things they have in their lives is because they're lacking this most important thing that we all are striving to find out who we are on the inside, to genuinely love ourselves. Because when you genuinely love yourself, when you feel that strong sense of self-love, do you believe or not, material things don't matter as much anymore. You don't really, I don't want to say don't care, but it doesn't affect you to the same degree as it might have been for you when in your younger years. I've noticed that people reach a certain age and they're like, you know what, I'm just happy, I'm just happy that I'm alive. I don't need to impress anyone by the kind of car I drive, the watch I have, the clothes I wear. You know, you don't need to go out and spend a ridiculous amount of money on things to be liked. And you don't need to do it to impress yourself either. But certainly when you're overtly trying to impress someone by who you are, that's certainly a sign of desperation. Number six, giving too much too soon. Oh my God, ladies, you have a propensity to do this in the early stages of dating. You have a propensity to give so much to a man because many of us are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. And if I just give you more, you're going to love me more. And if I give you more, you'll love me more. And if I give you more, you'll love me more. See, I believe love should be in a balance like a teeter-totter. You give a little bit, they give a little bit. You give a little bit, they give a little bit. It should be a nice balance. It should be like playing a ping-pong game or even a pickleball game where you just go back and forth with giving and receiving and receiving and giving and giving and receiving and receiving and giving. And yet, sadly, many women overly give, give way too much and commensurate to a person, particularly men. That's not to say men don't do the same thing. I think there are men out there that are capable of enabling women by giving too much of themselves. I think this is an unhealthy practice. Coming back to my emotional maturity, this is why we have a population of 60 to 80% of people who are rather dysfunctional. And they feel like giving too much will get them love. And the sad part about the person who gives too much, they act like martyrs. Oh my God, they act like martyrs when they don't get it back. Oh my God, I gave so much, I gave so much. I'm a victim here, I gave so much. I mean, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness here in the United States, as well as the constant, you know, the loneliness that we talked about. It's no wonder. We are a dysfunctional society. I don't know what's like in other parts of the world. I can only speak about what I've observed in my little fishbowl here. And I happen to live in Los Angeles, but I would venture to say it's fairly similar in most parts of the country, not all, but most. OK? And number seven, number seven, I think women do this more so than men, but they compromise their boundaries or standards or talk yourself out of avoiding red flags. You will compromise your standards and your boundaries. Now I want you to know, standards might look like this, OK? You might want a relationship where you see someone three or four days and nights a week doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married or spiritual marriage, OK? That's just an example of one standard. You have to decide what the standard is for you. But then you find yourself, oh, my God, Jonathan, we have the most amazing chemistry. It's just off the charts. All I have to do is sit back in my feminine energy and let him claim me. That's all I need to do because it's so amazing. But you see, his standard is different than yours. He's like, I just want to see you at my beck and call. I want occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex. I don't really want commitment. I just want it occasionally. So I'm good with it once every other week and you wanted it regularly and you abandoned that standard because you've got this little piece of love from this person. It's fascinating how we human beings will take a little piece of love, just a tiny little piece of love to fill up the gigantic space in our heart, hoping that person wants to give it the same degree that we will. And we'll abandon our standards and we'll compromise our boundaries and we'll turn red flags into green flags. We human beings are, oh, my God, we are such confusing animals. I wonder if the animal kingdom looks at us going, oh my God, humans are so fucking crazy. We've got it so simple. We eat, we procreate, we sleep and we have a good time playing in the wild. Or trying to, and trying to protect ourselves or at least run away from predators. All right, so we just talked about the seven ways women make themselves look desperate to men. These are major turnoffs. And as I said, this can be equally true for men as well as women, okay? We human beings are a dysfunctional group out there. And as I said earlier, we're doing the best we can. All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Post a comment below, share your thoughts. I do my best to respond to them all. If you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. All right, it's time for our Q&A. If you have a question, write the word question, then post the question there after. Or you see a little dollar sign in the chat box. You can hit that dollar sign, which will allow you to purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. Oops, that's a picture of him right there in the obey shirt. My son who passed away over five years ago in his honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman process, Insight Institute, and Seeds of Love, an organization out of Columbia that helps underprivileged children. All right, so again, hit that Super Sticker Super Thanks. And if you're watching, excuse me, if you're watching the replay, hit that Super Thanks. And let's try to collect $50 tonight, $50, okay? All right, our first question is from Ruth. Let's see what she has to say. Question, I met someone very special at the beginning of the year. I felt an extraordinary connection, which I know is reciprocated. Why does he withdraw? He stopped communicating. All right, folks, if you're not familiar with something called lust or limerence, lust is that physical attraction you have for another human being that makes you wanna jump their bones. And limerence is extreme infatuation. This is why this connection felt so strong. The connection is oftentimes chemicals being released from your brain into your body. These chemicals are also testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin. And these chemicals make us feel like we are loving this person. This can happen on the very first meeting. So that's the why. Why did he withdraw? Fear, fear is the, fear, listen. There's fear or there's love. Now, when we think of love, I think of love as just a space within our heart to give to another human being, to give to ourselves, that space of compassion, that space of gratitude, that space of appreciation, that space of care. And when people can't feel into those spaces, they oftentimes go to a state of fear, fear of abandonment, fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, the fear of not being life. Do you know the number one fears are, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and I'm not likable? Those are the top emotional distresses human beings have. This is why, folks, when I work with my clients privately, we dig into these fears. By the way, if you need a schedule, if you wanna talk to me, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you, or there's a link below in the show note descriptions. My job is to look at, based on the way you fill out a questionnaire, is to get to the root of what's causing our number one emotional health issue. This is our number one emotional health issue, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and I'm not likable. And it saddens me that so many humans are feeling this way. So it requires, so most likely coming back to Ruth's question, it's fear. And there's probably more to the story. If you wanna hop on a call, we can get on to the bottom of what happened. I just need more intel to help you figure that out. Thank you, Ruth, for that question. Arly says, I'm guilty of number seven, getting better at it. Yes, women have a high propensity to compromise their boundaries, it seems to me, more so than men anyway. All right. Oh, by the way, if you want to hop on the hot seat, click the link in the chat box. If you wanna join me live, you can be on the hot seat as well. All right, Nina says, question, how do I tell the guy I'm not interested in any longer in a nice way because he's very dramatic? I would start with something positive about him or something that you appreciate about him and then express that you feel a misalignment between the two of you, that you're in two different places in your lives and that it would be best for you to withdraw from this dynamic. You can do the whole, it's not you, it's me thing, that's what most people do. But if you wanna tell him you're not interested, just simply say, I feel like I really appreciate that you're interested in me, I just don't feel an alignment between us. And if he wants to find out what that is, just go, it's private to you. That's all you have to say. And by the way, folks, you can do this via text message. You text it, you send it, set it and forget it. That's it. You know what? You know, a lot of people don't believe in breakup. Well, listen, if you've been dating someone for more than a few months, you should end a relationship face to face. Okay, but if this has been a short encounter, you could do it via text message, okay? That would be my suggestion anyway. McCoy says, yes, I compromise my standards and boundaries in the past. I told him I was too fussy. I am like with, what the heck? I am like, nope, if the guy can't step up or has the same as me, I'm not interested. Gotcha. Good to set that new standard for yourself. Nina had a question. I just got, oh, that was Nina. Okay, let's keep going. Kim is in the house and she has a question. How do you get out of the runner-chaser scenario? I seem to be in the yo-yo relationship. Okay, folks, coming back to my private coaching, schedule a discovery call with me. Let me just say this. Most of you are looking for a needle in the haystack, right? I am, you are. Most everybody is looking for a needle in the haystack. Well, my suggestion is pull out an electromagnet, okay? This is one of those gigantic magnets that are designed to repel cars and stuff like that, okay? It's used on the space shuttle, I assume or not. So what we have to do is learn how to be more discerning, right from the... Have I told you guys my three date, my new three date rule? Okay, I shared this in a previous video. My new three date rule, most of everyone knows the three date rule is basically a man will dump you if he hasn't had sex by the third date. That seemed to be the prevailing narrative a decade, decade and a half ago when online dating became popular, okay? I wanna say almost 15 years ago, okay? My three date rule is slightly different. The first date is a predate. It's a telephone date, that's the first date, okay? The telephone date, the idea there is to establish some telephone chemistry and to establish three of your top must-haves or deal breakers to talk about it. Hey, Tim, I don't know if you're like me but I don't wanna waste my time, you know, in the dating process, are you the same? Yeah, okay. Hey, listen, I just wanna share with you three must-haves I have in my life. Now, these are the three, I mean, you all should have dozens of must-haves or at least a half a dozen deal breakers, okay? Your job is to do a cursory vetting on the telephone and if they don't pass the test, you don't go out on a second date, you don't have to worry about the yo-yo guys, okay? The second date is the meet and greet. This is the sniff test. See it if you like each other, if you vibe well together, that's what the second date, which is the meet and greet, which is the first time physically meeting, that's what that's all about and it should be a very short period of time. It shouldn't be anything overtly elaborate and if you do something elaborate, hopefully you've done some pre-vetting prior to meeting them in person and then the actual first date, I'm calling this now the first date, you've had the pre-date, you've had the meet and greet, now this is the first date. This is to decide if what you met on the first date that was warranted seeing someone a second time because every time when we take our rose-colored glasses off we can see someone with a slightly different light and this is time to ask some deeper questions and beyond the third date, you should be pre-qualifying your prospect, that's what I call it in my private coaching. Radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect. Radical honesty is getting to the bottom of things sooner rather than later, laying your cards on the table. That's talking about your past relationships and doing your Sherlock Holmes as Dr. Stan Tachkin talks about it to do your detective work while you're getting to know this person and I want you to apply my three-date rule and that will hopefully help you avoid those yo-yo-look-y-lose, at least given that 80% of them that you're gonna weed out a bunch of them sooner rather than later, Kim. Okay, so I hope that helped. Thank you so much for that question. T. Davis says, love that answer, thank you, I appreciate that. Mary Dahl says the same thing, thank you. All right, let's keep going. Ah, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Sherry says, LOL on the electromagnet. Bring that needle in. You don't need to keep digging in the haystack. All right, let's keep going. Ah, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Let's see, Kay says, I haven't read this, but that won't happen. I'm just trying to get him to help me with a few things because I've got no car, taxi, no help, no way of getting anything done. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. No, there is nothing wrong with asking for someone for some support and assistance, especially if the penis is going inside the vagina on a regular basis. I think you have every right to ask for support and assistance in your life, okay? Hey, Ruth is in the house. Hold on, let's get her here. Can you hear me? Hello, yes, I can hear you, can you hear me? Welcome to the hot seat. Are you ready for some tough love? Yes, okay, I'm getting feedback. I'm getting your... Oh, turn off the volume from your computer or what you're watching this on. Need to do, turn the volume off. Well, I just meant if you're... Turn off this recording if it's playing somewhere else. And while you're doing that, what's your question? What? Are you still there? Did we lose you? Yeah, I'm still here, but I can still hear the feedback. I don't know how to stop it. Okay, well, let's try it with the feedback and then go from there, okay? No, it's not playing it. Oh, I don't think it's playing anywhere else. I'm really sorry about this. Hang on, wait a minute. That's okay. Well, I'll try to entertain everyone since someone had asked, what are the seven ways women make themselves look desperate to men since someone just asked that in the chat box? Let me just give it to you really quickly. Wanting exclusivity and commitment before knowing each other, overtly sexual on social media, constantly needing validation or reassurance over texting on social media, trying to impress someone, giving too much and compromising one day. I'll try it with my earphones. I'm gonna put you on, I'm gonna... Let's never come back, okay? So folks, let's just keep going here. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. Let's see, Evee wants to say, brilliant first date is pre-bedding date on the telephone. Second is the meet and greet, aka sniff test. And the third is the real date, radical honesty, Sherlock Holmes detective work, exactly. And if anyone wants to join the hot seat, try not to have any feedback. Get that link right there that I just posted as well. All right, Megan's in the house. What if we aren't meeting anyone who are interested in or who is interested in you? Folks, you gotta be seen to be asked out on a date. You have to physically be out in the world or online to be asked out on a date. And it's best to put your best foot forward. I will tell you women, I look at dating profiles all day long professionally. And I would say most women's dating profiles look like shit. I mean, 99 out of a hundred I look at and everyone's like, I'm the one out of the hundred. No, you're part of the 99 out of a hundred. So if you put quality effort out, you're not gonna get good effort back. So put the best kind of effort to be seen by single eligible people. That's how you change that narrative. And if you're not meeting anyone, then go out in public and start meeting people. Folks, you can't be sitting in your room going, unless you have a genie and just go genie genie, bring that person to my front door right now. You have to go out or you have to make a good presentation of yourself. That's how it's gonna happen, okay? All right. True Morris, should I get involved with my friend? He is very special, but needy because he is at the end of his life, only 63 heart and kidney failure. I'm very fearful of loving him, but I do. True, you're gonna have to answer that for yourself. You know what? If you had a month of live, would you wanna invest in him? If you had a year to live, would you wanna invest in him? If you got 20 years, do you wanna invest in him? You gotta make that choice for yourself. I can't answer that for you. I can only say this, love is a gift. True love between two people is such a gift. Be grateful for every single day you have with your true love. That's my invitation for everyone. Hardly says, number three, radical honesty, put everything on the table due detective work while getting to know a person, exactly. T. Davis wants to tell me that everything you're saying is absolutely on point. Thank you. Look at this, our newly married woman, Weijin is in the house. Hi, Jonathan, hi, I'm Weijin. Hi there. Didn't you tell me it was all my work to help you get married? Yes, yes. Tell everybody that, tell everyone who's watching. Well, first of all, it really changed my mindset and the perception by all the books that you recommend us to read. And I really just buy books and other books and including the eight day books for my date. God knows how many eight days book I bought for the date. Here's a copy of eight days, love this book. And I also, you know, took your download your dating vow and then make my own dating vow. I had it, the copy with me, physical copy and then also a copy in my phone in case the guy says, Oh, I don't want to take the hard copy. I will say, okay, here is it. This is the electronic copy, I can airdrop you. So that's also something that I did. And I really put myself out there by doing the things that I really like, you know, hot yoga and at work, I make sure that I clean, you know, clean the shit that I eat if I, you know, have anything with anybody at work. Yes. So what do you want to share with our, what do you want to talk about tonight? I do want to talk about one thing that I feel so grateful for it. And I'm so happy because I feel like I came back fresh and stronger, which is yesterday, I just finished the post-process. The what process, Hoffman process? Yes. Okay. Keep talking. My teacher, her name is Regina. And I really took your advice, Jonathan, by reading the book first and, you know, took some time to challenge myself to jump into the in-person retreat program, that Hoffman process. Oh, wait, wait. So you went to the actual retreat? Yes, I received. Okay, folks, really quickly. I've got to jump in as, okay, Weijin. Folks, this is the Hoffman process book. I want everyone who's watching this right now to Google the Hoffman process. I believe it's the Hoffman, it's Hoffmanprocess.org or .com or something like that. They have a seven-day retreat. It's actually eight days when you include the travel day. It is an amazing experience. We don't want to give away all the details, Weijin, but I just want to say this. Tell me if you didn't feel this way. I walked out of there feeling like I knew it was like to be wrapped in a blanket of self-love. Did that cut you felt? Absolutely. That's why I cannot wait to share this piece of achievement with you because of your sharing and how much you advocate of Hoffman process. I get to know that. And that's where it led me to really have an in-person experience to do it with other 39 people. And then speaking about that, I really want to share with you is that in the group, we had 40 people in the group and nearly half of it, there are men. And there are a few who are really look like George Coloney and then there are some people. Well, I will tell you when I was there, it was 39 people, 20 men, 19 women. Okay. Yeah. From all ages, there was a 25-year-old man. There was a 75-year-old man. Most everybody was in their 40s and 50s, maybe even 60s. Actually, when I went, it was my birthday. Actually, the Hoffman process was gifted to me by someone very special in my life. They have a scholarship program to help defer the cost a bit because it is rather expensive. The beauty of the Hoffman process, tell me if you agree. It really does a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas, particularly with your parents or those surrogate parents that we had who raised us as children, and to really forgive them not to absolve them for bad behavior or anything, but to let go of the angst we have with those people in our lives. And the processes they do, including the emotional release work, does such a fantastic job of shedding. I mean, it's like shedding hundreds of pounds of emotional fat. Oh, yeah. Or weight and you just shed it. Is that how you felt? Absolutely, yes, definitely. Even like when I started to hit the road, driving a car, I started to have compassion of people are driving so fast behind me. I just feel like all my perception and then how I view the world, how I view myself and people and my parents. Also, the trauma that I received from my parents is I gain more compassion and forgiveness towards them. And the more than that, it's towards to myself. And then I have more love for me, for myself, self-love. Yeah, yeah. You know, folks, what we're talking about, this isn't a dating or relationship retreat. This is a treat that when you walk away, you're really dating yourself. You're in a new relationship with yourself. You're in such a new relationship with yourself that I can tell you, people who are single that go to this event meet amazing people because they are now radiating at such a vibration. They're actually vibrating at such a level that they become a magnetic attractor. Oh, yeah. For the type of person that's also vibrating at the same level because it sheds all that debris. Yeah. Weijin, well, thank you for sharing that with us. Thank you so much. And just so you know, I hope that card will deliver to your address because they have the card and then I wrote it to you. Oh, well, I wasn't expecting that, but by the way, over the years, by the way, folks, what she's sharing is towards the end of the process, one of the things is we write a note to someone special or some people special in your life that really contributed to your path of personal development, self-help, spiritual work, of individual growth. And so thank you. I have received many of them over the years and I will be honored to receive yours. Yes, thank you. And really, whoever is listening or watching this video, if you think there's no good man, there's no handsome, good man, six packs, good man out there, there is. There are men that are working on themself and then they have a beautiful vulnerability that they're willing to share with the world. Yeah, yeah. It is. By the way, really quickly, I go to a Hoffman graduate group and I will tell you there are more men that show up even to the local retreats than our women. And I only share this with everybody because women seem to think that they hold the keys to personal development. Let me just tell you something. I've been to Abraham Hicks seminars. I've been to Tony Robbins seminars. I've been to so many different seminars and I've noticed that there are equal amount of men as there are women. And when you see someone's heart, everybody is beautiful. Am I right? Yeah, absolutely. And then this also really gets me to think that I may wanna at some point, I may want to make this as a yearly, annually ritual whether it's go there alone again or go there with my husband and we can do the couple retreat program together. Yeah, you should do that with you. Your partner, your husband has to go first though and then you can do that. Hey, Weijin Ruth is in the house and I wanna give her some airtime here. So can I give you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of love? I would love to, my pleasure. And I'm so honored that my work helped you get married. I'm so happy for you. So thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you. Big hugs. All right, Ruth is in the house. Let's see if it's working now. I hope so. Can you hear me, Jonathan? I can hear you fine. Wonderful. Thank you. I got it sorted. I really, really wanted to talk to you, Jonathan because I've been watching a lot of your videos recently. I'm actually in the States now, but I live in the UK. So when you go- I can tell you got a bit of a British accent. A little bit, yeah. So, yeah, my question is, I met this amazing man and it was doing, I'm an emotional change therapist and I was doing this course at the beginning of the year. I've done a lot of self-development. I've done my own version of Hoffman process and all the rest of it. So I'm a healed soul. And so is he. And there was this instant connection. Nothing has ever been expressed. We haven't gone any dates and everything, but I feel, you know, when you feel somebody's energy. Sure, sure, sure. And there's that instant sort of pull. I call it a soul connection. But there's a heart connection. There's a mind connection. Our values are very in alignment. Our mission is very similar. So I'm thinking on paper, this sounds great. And I feel great when I'm with him and there is that connection and that closeness, but I don't get to see him very often. I hear a black coming. Yeah, there's a bar, you know. What the hell is the hold up? Cause I just feel like he wants to express something. And I know you say, you know, well, go for it. Cause women know sort of, you know, go fall back in their feminine energy. But I really don't want to I don't want to come forward and say, you know, what's going on, but maybe I should. What do you think? All right, so really quickly, how far apart do the two of you live? Well, it's about 250 miles. Okay. Well, you see, now why do you think I asked that question first? Because that's a major hurdle. Yeah, it's a major hurdle, right? Yeah. Makes you go, well, you know, first off, I got to get off my ass to go physically see someone. And if they live 10 minutes away versus hours away, there's a big difference, okay? So how often do the two of you speak on the phone? Well, there are sort of periods where we communicate because I- Let me backtrack, let me hold off one second. When did you first meet and had this amazing connection? When was it? January. Oh, January. So since that time, and do you mostly text each other or is it telephone calls? Well, we are in a group and we're all learning together this process of how to help people through emotional change therapy and do interventions and things. So we communicate in a professional sense. Okay, but communicating with each other, not with everybody else, how often do you communicate with each other? I'd say probably on average, it's like once every six weeks. Okay, so it's not consistent communication? No, it's not. Okay, okay. So, Mel, then you know what? This is my advice right now. Say, what's his name? His name is Emran. Emran, what nationality is he? Well, he's British, but he's of, you know, South Asian descent. Okay, I know, I just, it was close to my cousin's name, so I just didn't know if he was Turkish or not. Okay, so I say, look, I like you. I'd like to meet you. Can we make that happen? Can we meet halfway? I'd like to see you. Now, all these people are watching. Oh my God, you're in your masculine energy. You're chasing a man. You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fuck, all this is, is you're like, look, I like you. I'd like to see you. Are you game? After the, he says, if he comes up with excuses, then you let it go. Okay? If he says yes, you meet. After that, effort should be mutual. By the way, Ruth, I'm saying this to everybody because people are gonna argue that making the first move is chasing a man. No, it's not chasing. It's called dropping the hanky. It's called making effort. It's just simply trying to put two people together from there, if there's a connection, you know, then talk about, would you be open to exploring a relationship? There's nothing wrong with asking questions if he's interested in you and you're interested in him. But to have, listen, let me just demonstrate something. There's no value in having duct tape over your mouth. There's no benefit in doing that because this is what it sounds like. Want, want, want, want, want, want. Take the duct tape off, ask. There's nothing wrong with asking. All right, I love the way you rant. It really makes you laugh. Gets your point across really effectively. Yeah, you know what? And come back in two weeks when you met him and tell us how great it went, you know? But here's the bottom line. Practically speaking, long distance relationships are incredibly problematic. Unless someone is willing to move, it's very difficult to carry on a long distance dating dynamic. It quite possibly could be there's someone else already in his life that's filling that space that he hasn't told you about. That could be partially his reluctance in this situation. He might have an entanglement. There might be things going on in his life that you are unaware of. So how do we solve this? You have radically honest conversations, you know, Emrech, butchered his name, excuse me. I got the sense that we liked each other when we met each other beyond friendship, okay? We liked each other. If that's true, I'd be open to exploring it with you, okay? Let's talk about this, okay? It's as simple as that. Now, I get you might have fear over this, but fear is, you know, how do we ever get through our fear? We have to push through it. We have to go outside of our comfort zone. So I'm inviting you to push through the discomfort. I'm inviting you to push past the duct tape over your mouth and just pass. All right, I'll try it, but thank you. Thank you. By the way, I ranted on that because I'm talking to everybody by the way. Yes, I know, I know. I know, so yeah. Listen, ladies. Do as Jonathan says. Justice is cheering you on, Ruth. Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, Ruth. Thank you. Thank you, just Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, Ruth. By the way, if we ever get to that stage and we, I mean, I've envisioned this sort of marriage on the beach, you know, scenario. And if that happens, Jonathan, I'll invite you. Oh, well, thank you. I recently got a message asking me to walk some woman down the aisle who I've been, or who I've been, I mean, I'm telling you someone who's been watching my video, she said her mother and father passed away. Would you give me away? I'm like, I grow back, absolutely. That would be a true honor to do that for someone. I am grateful, Ruth, and everyone who's watching right now. My hope is my content makes a difference in people's lives. I do use a bit of humor with a bit of, you know, bravado and that sort of thing. I can be loud, I can be obnoxious, I can be bombastic, but the idea is to wake human beings up. We get this, we get this gift. It is such a blessing to go on this journey we call life and I'm here to invite everyone to squeeze the juice out of it as much as you possibly can. So I'm, I wanna hear what happens to you, Ruth, okay? Okay, I'll be in touch, Jonathan. All right. Thank you. Can I give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Hug to you all as well, thank you. Ah, hugs back, thanks so much, Ruth. Thank you, bye-bye. All right. Nina says that's so nice, Jonathan. Well, I'm very honored to be able to be of service, folks. I get so much joy out of doing this. This is my calling, this is my mission, this is my passion. I'm both obnoxious at times. I hope I'm compassionate at the same time, but I'm here to be a wake-up call for humans to go outside of their comfort zone, first and foremost, to love oneself so you don't have to show up desperate. And guess what? Even if you do act desperate, that's okay. It just means you're human. There's nothing wrong with it. But, not but, excuse me, let me rewind that, no but. And, you know, how do we learn? We learn through our foibles, our errors, our mistakes, whatever you call them. You know, we learn when we fall down, we get a chance to get back up, God willing, or I was gonna say, Isha'Allah, we get a chance to stand back up. All right, let's see who's in the house. Sherry says we love you, Jonathan, thank you so much. Does anyone have a personal, before we wrap up, if you have something personal to ask me, I'll save these last few minutes for personal questions as well. Let's keep going here. Let's see, I saw some questions earlier. Oops. Valley Valentine. How do you recommend finding a balance between being too needy and not needy enough, resulting in making him feel you're not interested enough, then he walks? You know, Matthew Hussey once said, invest and test, I like that. In other words, you make an investment of effort and then you see if he matches that effort. I happen to like that idea. In other words, I've always viewed it as a ping pong game or a pickleball game or like a teeter totter. You make investment, they make investment. You make investment, they make investment, they make investment. That's how you know it's balanced by the amount of investment you're mutually making into the relationship. So if you're making far more investment that might seem as needy, then pull back the investment. And observe in that space, that's what the test means. Observe how they're operating at the same space. Is that making sense for everyone? If it is, please hit that like button right now. Please share this video, please say amen. All right, let's see what else we have here. Mary says, my mother does talk to me about relationship sounds. I'm glad I'm hearing this. Well, I'm happy that your mother is endorsing this. TX said she ordered the self love book on Amazon. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of the book. My book, what that could self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Thank you so much. And if you have a personal question for me, I'm here. I'm willing and I might share something, who knows? Let's see. All right, let's see what we've got here. We've got some amens. The owl says, amen, I'm grateful for that. Folks, there's nothing easy about this thing we call dating, mating or relating, or I call it dating, mating or dating. Most humans just want to connect. And actually getting laid isn't that hard for most people. You go to a bar, get drunk and get laid, but that's not the kind of connecting I'm talking about. I'm talking about really connecting with your heart. And so I invite everyone to do the inner work like what Weijan did and what I did in Hoffman process to connect with your heart first. And like I said, after that, you become an electromagnetic attractor to what you want. Okay, our warren says, how are things with Marie and yourself? I'm very happy to share. We are, because of the transition, we have ended our romantic relationship for those that are not aware. And we are very friendly to one another. We support one another as best we can. We're being friendly to each other to that extent. There's not a lot of communication going on, but we are in a space of being supportive of one another. Her daughter is going through some stuff in her life and I'm being mindful of that and wanting to help and support her daughter in any way I can. I really grew very fond of her daughter and her three other sons. She has friends in her life. Actually, we have a mutual financial person in our life. So we stay connected that way as well, but we are on very good terms. We had a very beautiful conscious uncoupling. I believe Marie is a beautiful human being with so many amazing qualities. And while our romantic relationship reached its course, it reached the end of, like a cruise ship taking off, it ended at a port. We took off on this journey. We went on a year round cruise and it ended at, basically we ended at two different ports. Hers is in Florida and mine is in Los Angeles just to kind of use that narrative. We ended our journey on two different ports. That didn't mean that the journey didn't have significant value. I think I grew so much as a person through this relationship. I'd like to think she would say the same thing that she grew from this relationship. She even mentioned to me recently, she might jump on the hot seat one of these days and say hi to everyone. I know many of you were fond of her. Marie gave great advice. I still value her perspective on things, but we're in a good place. And I feel as though the decision, while it wasn't my decision, I agree that her decision was the right decision because we were getting ready to go on two different paths and that oftentimes happens in relationships. You come together for maybe a season, a reason, a season or a lifetime. In our case, it was one season. We went through a fun summer. We went through spring, summer, a little bit of fall and then a winter. And then we kind of ended on a little bit of a spring even though we ended in spring. Actually, technically it would have been summer. But I'm grateful. Thank you for that question. I think we're doing really well together. As friends, okay? Thanks so much for that question. Hardly says, learn the lesson and keep moving on from our silly self. Yes, we all have a silly self. Let's see what else. Thao says, do you have an example of date you went on when you went on, were lady displayed traits of being too needy? Okay. Well, I'm trying to think first and foremost, I noticed that there was a lot of text. I'm just thinking back to multiple different people. Maybe there was a lot of early text messaging that went on that might seem too needy. Let's see what else would have been needy on a first date, on example of a date. Trying to, well, really what we talked about here overtly trying to impress them if they're bragging too much. I would say people that overweight talk too much might be in that category. People that want exclusivity right away. Just what we talked about in the seven ways women and men make themselves look desperate and these are major turn offs. I think those were some good examples that I can relate to that I've experienced. I've also experienced women who have resting bitch face on a first date and that's no fun either, okay? All right, thanks so much for that question, Val. All right, let's see if there's anything else. Oh, Roller Girl says, love you, Jonathan. Oh, thank you so much. And R. Warren says, good to hear. I admire your relationship and in my hopes, my relationship is good as yours as was. Oh, well, thank you so much. I truly appreciate that. Trista says, if it's not too personal, totally understand, are you dating again? I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants to know. All right, I'm gonna end on this question. First off, no, I am not dating. I have a whole new philosophy now going forward. I don't believe in actively putting myself out there on the dating sites in the same way I used to. I don't believe in dating the old way I used to and what I mean, it was just strictly cold leads, okay? In other words, going out with strangers. I'm gonna make effort going forward to put myself in environments where I'm interacting with women, connecting with people in a variety of different ways. I'm going to Allison Armstrong's workshop at the end of October. So if you're watching this before then, you can go to allisonarmstrong.com. If you're not familiar with her book, The Queen's Code, okay? But if you'd like to meet me in person, I will be at this workshop. It's a three-day workshop called Freedom from Being Ordinary. I'm gonna start attending a lot more physical workshops. I'm gonna be traveling more, joining singles groups. I believe rather than dating the old fat, the current, the modern way, it's time to go back to an old fashioned way and that's connecting with people. And then only going out with people who are genuinely interested in you, who are genuinely ready and capable of full commitment. So the current modern dating, the answer is no, I do not plan on doing modern dating. I'm gonna go back to a traditional way of connecting in the organic world. And who knows, still, you know, I'm gonna put out a dating profile because like anything, it's a spoke in the wheel, but I'm gonna go back to a traditional way. Does anyone resonate with that? I'd like to hear your thoughts on that. Does that resonate with you? All right, folks. Well, this would be a great place to wrap up tonight. I hope you found value in the seven ways women make themselves look desperate to men. If you have something to share from this video, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. If you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well. Trista wants to say, good for you, you'll meet someone. Isha Allah, as my father would say, that's the best way to meet someone. Exactly. Let's see. Traditional, exactly. Go back to some OG in our lives. Ruth says that resonates with me. Go for it, Jonathan. Thank you for your advice. You're very welcome. Sherry says it resonates. Barbara says it sure does. Lana says it sure definitely resonates with meeting people in an organic way. Exactly. All right, folks. This will be a great place to wrap up this video and I'm gonna do it as I always do first. I've given myself a big gigantic job of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm actually gonna turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Martha and Mary and Lana and Sherry and Ruth and Barbara and McCoy and Trista and Nina and Barbara and I already said that Michelle flower floor, revolve, our worn roller girl, big hugs. Thanks so much. You be well. Bye now.