 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as I have Jonathan as I comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic dating apps Okay, dating apps and sites that we see on this All right really quickly if I if my content here resonates with you and you need support and help from a coach Check out the link below to a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you Okay, we're gonna. I got so excited. I rushed myself. We're gonna talk about dating sites and apps using these little things Okay All right, so It's interesting. I remember going through divorce in my 40s And I thought there was I heard about this thing called online dating and I thought it was really simple you could just simply log in and And Literally picked the perfect person for you someone would magically appear and you could just live your life happily ever after and boy Was I in for a surprise and what's interesting is one of the lessons? I learned from online dating or at least dating in and of itself was that I learned What I wanted by what I didn't want Let me repeat that I learned what I wanted by what I didn't want So the dating experience actually does help us when we experience the things that we don't want we get more crystal clear on what we Do want okay, so all right So Jonathan how's this relate to the best and worst dating sites well I'm gonna get to that in a second and also this is a piggyback to the video I did yesterday about finding the love of your life in four days Can you believe it in four days? You can find the love of your life so you you didn't watch my video from yesterday Please after this go back and watch that because it's critically important for this okay now I know a lot of you probably are have tried online dating and many of you are just frustrated pulling your hair out going Oh my god, this is ridiculous. You know, why can't we just meet people organically? Why can't we just meet people in our daily lives? Yeah, wouldn't that be great? I mean throw in the pandemic and that just ruined everything But the reality is if you're in four if you're in your 40s 50s and 60s The likelihood of meeting someone in your daily life is a real challenge and look at I'm someone who works from home The my chances of meeting the love of my life would be the burglar The burglar that comes in the female burglar that comes in and says trying when she's stealing my TV saying hey You're kind of cute. All right. Well now what fantasy world would that be in? Nonetheless the reality of meeting organically is a challenge This is one of the reasons why online dating is so popular and by the way Over 50% of all new relationships for people in their 40s 50s and 60s is happening through an online Connection that's right now. That's anecdotal, but I'm telling you do a little search when you're on Facebook And you see your friends say in a relationship ask them where they met Over half of the people that post on my page have met through an online dating site or dating app So I want to review some of the dating sites and dating apps now I'm going to talk right right off the bat about match.com match.com is the number one dating site from a Laptop perspective although they do have an app as well But what I mean to say is it's the number one site not only do they own almost every other site out there Okay, Cupid that's sort of our time that sort of thing But they just happen to have the most concentration of people now what makes an online dating site different than an app is Even though match.com does have an app is that there's a lot more information filled out And there's a lot more characters to write a biography of yourself or a profile of yourself I think there's over the ability to have over 4,000 characters where in a app you only have a few characters to express yourself So one of the advantages of using a site like a match.com Is that there's more information filled out this way you can filter for the person who's more right for you Because remember when I said earlier This is learning about what you don't want By or what you want by what you don't want. Okay, and of the other sites out there, okay? Cupid's great lots of questions e harmony. I'm not a big fan of it I mean, it's a great idea. That's this deep intense questionnaire The problem is just not enough men and women are on the site to choose from however You know what the barrier to entry for dating sites is that you got to pay you got to pay for it Okay, you got to cop up some dough makes it a little bit more attractive from the perspective of people who use it or more serious, okay? And now let me just say this. Yes, you're going to get scammers. You're gonna get flakes Yes, that's going to happen And if you want some help on avoiding that reach out to me because that's my area of expertise as well All right, so I've covered the dating sites. Oh, by the way, I'm not a big fan of plenty of fish Oh my god, I just feel like and by the way, I'm an actual user of these sites So let me just show you here's you know my apps. I don't know if you can see it You can see bumble. You can see tinder. You can see match. You can see hinge You can see the league just to name a few. Okay, I'm gonna show that again. Okay? I'm an actual user. So I'm sharing this from my personal experience and also from a man's point of view okay, so I just think plenty of fish is crap. I'm sorry I just think it's crap because the barrier entry is so low. It's a free dating site and quite frankly It's a judgment on my part. I'm judging people. That's not fair But I feel like a lot of emotionally wounded people choose that site That's a judgment on my part, but that's an observation both men and women like a lot of emotionally wounded people Go to those sites. Now, I want I said something earlier a lot of you are frustrated Maybe with online dating you just want to pull your hair and give up. I need you to adopt a new attitude I want you to first adopt the attitude from the book The subtle art of not giving a fuck the subtle art. I'm always recommending books This is a new book. I'm ready recommending the subtle art of not giving a fuck Why am I suggesting this book and I said a curse word is that you've got to have a little bit of thick Skin you have to I'm not you have to I mean that I'm judging you I want to encourage people not to get so hung up on what's wrong with the dating sites and start putting your energy into What's right about the dating sites? What's good about them? And then what's good about them is you get access to people you wouldn't have otherwise have in your life But if you're struggling leaning into that kind of energy if you're struggling to get into that powerful energy of just really looking from a place of gratitude Then I highly recommend my book What the heck is self-love anyway because when you've adopted a self-love attitude, you're not caught up on all right Yes, there's a lot of crap in the dating realm But there's also a lot of potential and when you shift your mindset to the potential instead of focusing on lack You're gonna have a better chance at success. Okay. Now. I want to jump into the dating apps so for example Tinder Pull up tinder or someone's profile. I don't know who it is Karina Tinder, okay These are the free dating apps. There's basically tinder. There's basically bumble There's basically hinge Okay hinge if you can see that and I'm on an app called the league You have to be kind of special to get into the league. Okay, but I'm gonna talk about tinder bumble hinge in the league for a quick second Okay, tinder This app is the bare bones app of apps and by the way dating apps are basically swipe left or swipe right swipe left Means you're not interested once you see the person's profile and swipe right means you're interested What I don't like about tinder is they don't offer other than just a tiny little bio area They don't offer up much information. So you're really basically going on photographs. Okay. Hey, by the way We men are visual creatures. We're you know, we're scoping out photographs women your Visual creatures as well. And let me just say this the vast majority of dating apps that Profiles I look at as a man Most women's profiles look like this. Oh I want to stick my finger down my throat. The photographs are terrible quality They're they're they're out of focus hazy wearing sunglasses You can't even tell what they look like they've got a group of friends and they're buried in there This is crap. If you want to have here, I'll show you my profile I'm gonna brag for a second Okay, my first picture actually wearing the same shirt next picture Um Oops Next picture Crystal clear you can see me next picture. I got a puppy. I'm crystal clear. You can see me I've got a body shot and then I got a picture of Oops picture of me having fun and a picture of the books I read. Okay So why I'm sharing this with you is I've set up a profile the way I'm trying to get a job at the company I want to get a job at I want the right woman to be seeing me. So I'm very intentional about my profile Now what I like about bumble is bumble recently just added a new feature where they list your height They list your do you drink? Do you? Do you do? Do you do cannabis? Do you have children? What's your religion? What's your politics? They added a lot new features for helping you filter I love that. In addition women make the first move women make the first move I actually like that. It gives me the green light. It used to be called dropping the hanky So when we both swipe the woman's responsibility is to reach out I like that because that gives a look gives them the power to decide whether or not they want to engage in with me Now I get I get the fact that we both swiped just like on Tinder both swiped. I Like that women get to be in control of this and again The benefit now you might all say well the masculine must lead and it's chivalrous that he goes first No When you're dating men in their 40s 50s and 60s this whole crap that we're Ultra-confident alpha males is garbage as we get older our childhood wounds and traumas start to surface up And we're just as scared as you I don't care look at I'm a confident guy, and I'm still scared to death I love it when a woman makes the first move now. Some of you might say well Jonathan. That's feminine of you It's just being real ladies. That's not feminine. It's not masculine It just means I like to feel appreciated just as much as you do and let me tell you something when a woman writes A heartfelt message to me bam. I'm excited. I take charge. I get enthusiastic. I get demonstrative I get a few so I lean I lean in I'm not leaning back waiting for him I lean in because you've leaned in great approach Okay, now hinge is very similar to bumble in that They now added a lot of feature with a lot of questions your height your look, you know, you're drinking Cannabis that sort of thing But you don't need to both match to engage with someone so that makes hinge a little bit different. I would say they're almost Comparable just a little bit different in that you both have to swipe on bumble Whereas you can engage with someone you haven't swiped with on hinge And then with the league you actually have to go through a deep process You have to go through this huge questionnaire and you have to be in a waiting list for a while I was on a waiting list for a little while to join league The league also has some criteria filled out But I'm gonna tell you something the amount of people on the league seems a little weak because I'm now getting people that live 500 miles away from me that it used to be all local people. So that's my Interpretation of League so I kind of like bumble and hinge and I say this from personal experience ladies I say this as a user So if you want to so I've just given you laid out what I think are some of the best sites I think match.com is the biggest makes it one of the best From that perspective, it just there's more people to choose from and then from the dating apps Tender kind of low barrier. They're all free but low barrier of entry. Oh, by the way, you can upgrade to pay To get some more functionality, but I do like bumble and hinge at the next level All right, I've just given you some insight into the dating sites and apps I'm sure you have something to say. I'm sure you're gonna criticize this video knock yourself out We can criticize online dating all we want But the reality is is roughly 50% of all new people are meeting through an online dating site So that's anecdotal by my part But I feel pretty accurate in that for those people in their 40s 50s and 60s And I look at like someone like my son who's even in his 20s The only dates he's had in the last year was from a dating app And he's actually may not have met the love of his life But he's made some really good friends there too one of my dearest friends with someone I met 10 years ago on match.com and she's one of my dearest friends. We weren't We weren't a love connection, but we certainly were We're just in a good place for us and for the record. I did meet a fantastic woman 10 years on a dating app We went on a six-year journey of a relationship. It didn't go the distance, but you know what? most amazing experience of my life so We can judge what's wrong, or we can focus on what's right, and let me tell you something It's better to focus on what's more positive than focus on the negative and maybe adopt that little bit of I don't give a fuck attitude might help you along the way Hey, take it for what it's worth. This is my assessment of the best and worst dating sites and apps For the next year and this piggybacks on the video that I shot yesterday. All right I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a pillow or a teddy bear and give it a hug of love Hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now