 It might be a new week for you, but it's the same day for me, and it ain't stop and raining! Hello everybody, E here. Back again with my co-host, Thunderstorm. I'm sorry I can't do anything about it if you can hear it. I don't even know if you can hear it. I don't know if it's picking up on the mic or not, but here we are. Yeah, so we're gonna try this anyways. This is the top five books that should have never been movies. Never. Ever. And I'm gonna talk about one movie that ain't even out yet. So we're just gonna go ahead and jump right into it. Number five. Okay, so number five is Dune. Yes, I said it. I don't think the new Dune movie is gonna be any good because the guy who's playing Paul, I don't, why? I don't know. I don't understand, but I don't want it. No, thank you. No. And I understand that he's supposed to be a privileged prince, or whatever the hell he is. I love the book, but yeah, this movie, the new movie looks terrible, and of course the original movie didn't do justice, even though I think I'm of the mindset that most The Shining fans are. They like both The Shining the Book and Kubrick's The Shining. I like Dune and I like the original movie, but I do not like the original movie as a Dune adaptation. So once again, I say, I don't think that Dune should have ever been made into a movie and they're new to stop rebooting it. Anyways, I think the story is too big for one movie. Even, yes, even the first book, I think there's too much going on. I just don't think it could be done well as a movie. So stop trying. Number four. And number four, we have a recent one that I did. Why did you make the Goldfinch? The book is like 800 pages, 700, 800 pages. I've read it four times, listened to it twice. Fantastic book, amazing book, hits all the right notes. Probably my second, well, not probably, it's my second favorite book of all time after Stephen King's It. It was number one there for a while, but it keeps coming back because it's never nice. But this book does not lend itself well to cinema, because it's a very internal story. And I tried to watch the movie and I was like, how are they going to do this without loads and loads of narration? It's going to feel like an audio book with pictures. It was moving pictures is what it's going to feel like. But it was even less than that. There was just, it's a beautiful, it's pretty to look at, but it'll put you to sleep real quick. I haven't been able to finish it yet. I get about 15, 20 minutes into it and I got to call it quits. But yeah, that's my number four, man. I don't know why they tried to make this into a movie. I guess just to capitalize on the fact that it won so many awards and everybody was talking about it and so on and so forth. But yeah, not a good movie. I knew it wouldn't make a good movie. Yet here we are, as if Hollywood is coming to me going, hey, E, what should we make into a movie? And they're not listening. That's not happening. Nobody calling me. So they can call me. I don't care. Number three. Okay. So number three, we have Aragon. I read that first book by Christopher Peolini. I think it is when he was like, how old was he? 15, 16, 39? I don't know. But the kid was a kid. And he wrote this massive Lord of the Rings ripoff and called it Aragon anyways. So he wrote a four part series about a dragon and him homeboy. And it was bad. It was really bad. But then they did a movie with Jeremy Irons of all people and it was God awful. It was the most boring fantasy film I've ever seen. And I've seen Conquest. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go look it up and try to watch it. I dare you to try to watch it. I think it's a Lucio Fauci movie. I can't remember. It's one of those like Dario Argento or any of those guys. It's one of those guys. They did a fantasy movie called Conquest and that shit is better than Nyquil. But yeah, Aragon, why? I don't understand it. Then a couple years later, hell, it might have been, I can't remember. I don't remember much of that time of my life. But the Lord of the Rings reboot, I don't know if they were trying to cash in on that, not Lord of the Rings reboot, but the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings movies. I don't know if they're trying to capitalize on that or if them making such a horrible movie finally pushed Jackson to go, I gotta make a good fantasy movie. Anyways, I don't know, man. I didn't hate the book when I first read it. I hate it now because looking back, I'm like, oh Lord, it's just Lord of the Rings. But instead of Hobbits, you've got this little boy. And it's pretty much all that first, but I didn't continue with series so I must not have liked it too much. Anyways, but yeah, Aragon, man. It's a shitty looking movie. It's an okay middling to bad book. It's a terrible, terrible movie. Number two, number one. At number one, we have Battlefield Earth. Is there really a train in the background? Can y'all hear that? I think you can hear it because anything I hear, this wonderful mic picks up because it is so fucking sensitive. Anyways, so at number one, we have Battlefield Earth. This is a John Travolta movie. That's pretty much all I want to say about it. But it's a three-hour movie about John Travolta, a big, tall alien, kind of looks like a Klingon. And there's this dude who, because the aliens had come and turned all humanity into slaves. And then this one dude learns how to fly a jet in a day and then flies the jet and kills the I don't know, man. It's a bad movie. I tried to watch it. I did not read the book. In fact, when I tried to go look for it, because I believe I owned it, the copy that I have is missing like 300, somebody just snatched 300 pages out of the book. Now, the reason why I say somebody is because I got the book secondhand at the flea market. And the book's a heck of a lot longer than what it was. I thought someone just tore off the back cover. But actually, there's quite a bit missing out of it. So I haven't started it because I don't want to actually buy it because I'm not an Elrond Hubbard fan. It's bad enough that his little cult took off. I'm not trying to give his estate any more money because currently Tom Cruise, you know he's keeping that place alive. Anyways, but there's a lot of, there's a sucker born every minute. I don't, I don't, I never liked Elrond Hubbard's work period. I tried reading some of his old, not noir, I think they were noir detective fiction, something like that. I tried reading that. I tried reading one of his horror novels. They were all bad. But the, this book, of course, the movie turned into a god-awful pile of excrement that should have never been made. And that pretty much concludes our three-part series of books that would, that were destined to make great movies, books that would make great movies, and now books that never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever should have been movies. I would love to hear from you regarding Aragon this time. Are you a fan of Aragon? Did you grow up reading Aragon? Are you a fan because it's nostalgia? Are you a fan because you think it's actually good? It is my opinion that the only reason why the book got published is because of how old he was. Had an adult written that book, nobody would have published that. But then again, you look at a lot of white fantasy or western fantasy, whatever you want to call it, and it's all the same thing. It's just different. Sometimes there's more violence. Sometimes there's less violence. You know, that's pretty much the extent of, you know, the fantasy genre that I have read. I've tried all the people that you guys keep, Joe Abercrombie. Anyways, the list goes on and on and on. So that's it for top five Friday. If you have your own list of movies that should never have been made into film, please leave them down there in the doobly-doo. But until next time, I have been E, you have been you. This has been another top five Friday. I'll talk to you guys later. Bye-bye!