 What's going on, you look welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, hi, hello, my name's Lydia and I'm in mental health for you. I'm here on YouTube pretty much every day. Today I'm filming a get ready with me and I'm just going to talk a bit about my life at the moment. This is like a life update video and the last update you kind of got for me was when I was in A&E and then hospital and I haven't really updated what's going on in my life. Let's get on with it. Don't let me trap What's been going on with me? I think I went back to uni this week mostly and I'm trying to get my life back on track and yesterday, which was Thursday, I went to uni and I got sent back because anxious and my mood was really low. I was crying when I got to uni. Yeah, my anxiety and my depression aren't the moment. My anxiety medications will increase again. My lorazepam is now at four times a day again. I had decreased initially because I was trying to come off it, but I've had to increase again. So I'm back on that four times a day. My clonazepam is now morning and night. My antidepressant is 150 morning, 159. Lots of medication updates. Life on hold isn't going too bad. Things aren't that stressful. I've just been feeling really overwhelmed recently. Things haven't really... Oh, you know what? I've been struggling a lot with my eating disorder. I don't want to see them like bad or sound. I don't even know. I just don't want people criticizing this. But I've been struggling a lot with my eating disorder and what I remember that is that I've been slipping back into really old habit. I was going through a bingy phase and now I'm going through A. And now I'm going through a bit of... not a bit of, I'm going through one of the starve phases. Why? I've just been forgetting about food and it's so hard to explain. How do you forget about food? I've been full on forgetting about food and I've just tanked for me. I'm trying so hard not to fall back into old habit. That's the issue when it comes to eating disorders. You think you're doing fine. I was eating properly. I was doing okay. I was doing well and then get hit by something else and it just... I just haven't been feeling great. It's really hard to explain. The idea of food at the moment is making me feel so sick. I don't even like being back at this point. I think it's partly to do with my mood being a bit lower. Honestly, I've been feeling really run down. I don't have the motivation to do things. I don't have the energy to do things. I'm spending most of my time in bed. I'm just not at my normal functioning level. What scares me is I've got to wait until the 16th of October until my appointment with a psychiatrist. I know it isn't that long but I'm terrified of my mood getting worse. I'm terrified of my mental health. I'm terrified of ending up back in hospital. Honestly, at a point where I don't know, I think it's the right thing to say. I just don't know. But a more positive update. I went back to uni. The two days that I did go in, I only knew me three days a week, so people know that's my degree. I'm only in three times a week. I went in two because the third time I got sent home. It was really great getting back to uni actually. It was nice being back. I was like, because it's so great to be back at uni. And I am trying at the moment. I'm trying really hard. For instance, I am going to a supermarket to buy food. I'm trying to make sure I have at least something to eat in a good day. I'm just trying. You have to fight your own head. My mental health goes from, oh my god, everything's amazing. It's a combination and a half. I go from being really bubbly and bouncy and happy to crying. And last night was hard. Last night I was lying in bed and I was like, what am I doing? And I was just lying there until like two, three o'clock in the morning. I had promethazine and just knocked myself out, basically, because my medication hadn't sent me to sleep. So I've been dealing with that as well. That's with the sleeping tablet, so probably going to have to change that, which I already knew was a possibility because I have been on this sleeping tablet for a long time. I've been on the highest dose for a long time, so it only makes sense that my body is getting used to it. When it comes to my anxiety, though my anxiety is basically non-existent at the moment. Because my anxiety medication has been increased to go with the increase in anxiety, it's kind of just subsided it. I love to say this, if I can take a tablet and not feel anxious, I will, about whether it's addictive or not. People are like, oh, well, you're on benzos, why don't you go on to progabalin? Progabalin is addictive too. I don't think it really matters what medication you take, because if it helps you and works, then fine, you know, just don't abuse it. Take it as a subscriber. And yes, slip-ups with overdoses may happen. A lot of times people with anxiety are also dealing with suicidal thoughts, and sometimes the suicidal thoughts win. And if you take maybe those, that doesn't mean you're abusing your medication. All that means is you have a slip-up, and it's bound to happen. Recovery is no smooth line, recovery is... So yeah, I'm going to go and get up on my day. I just thought I'd turn the camera on, say hello, show my face. I'm alive, you know, kind of like this video is, and I'll catch you guys soon with a new video.