 The Craft Foods Company, makers of craft oil, present Willard Waterman as the great Gildersleeve. The Gildersleeve is brought to you transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. Name a cake and win a brand new Ford Victoria every year for five years. That's the exciting news about Craft Oil's big contest. You'll find the recipe for the cake on every green cap bottle of craft oil. And the award for the prize-winning name is a new Ford car every year for five years. 1,850 other prizes are Dormire electric appliances. Complete details in a few minutes. Sometimes in the middle of a busy afternoon at the water department, the great Gildersleeve starts thinking about his girlfriend Miss Tuttle who teaches school. And suddenly it seems like a good idea to drive by just about the time school is out and take Leroy home. Go home. I want to stay and watch football practice. Yeah, it's up to you, Leroy. I just thought I'd drop by. She didn't tell me you were coming. Yes, hey. There's Miss Tuttle. I see her through the window. I wonder if she sees me waving. Well, she can't see you waving your hat. Why don't you throw a rock at the window? Well, I wouldn't do that. Want me to? No. I'm on to you, honky. What? You didn't come to take me home. You came to take Miss Tuttle. Well, it's great. Miss Tuttle, once you're right, of course, I'll be happy to take it. Okay. See you at dinner, happy. All right, my boy. Leroy knows how interested I am in Grace Tuttle. Are you going to read me like a book? Well, I'll just wait. She'll be out in a minute, I guess. We might plan something for Friday night. Teachers like to get away from it all. Is that you, Mr. Gildersleeve? Hello, Miss Henshaw. Yes, indeed, it's me, E.I. How's our new principal? Fine, thank you. I want to ask something of you before you get away. Well, if it's about Leroy's grades, he's a slow starter, but I'm sure by Christmas... Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not about Leroy. I wanted to ask if you'd be kind enough to be one of our chaperones at the school dance on Friday night. Friday night? Well... It's our first dance, and we want some of our school's most distinguished friends. Thank you. Of course, you usually have couples chaperoning, and I'm not coupled. You want to be alright if I asked to escort a member of the faculty? Mr. Gildersleeve, I prefer that our chaperones didn't escort faculty members to the school dances. However, it's very nice of you to ask me. Well, I... I hope you understand. Yes, indeed. Of course, if you really want to do something nice for me, you may drive me home this afternoon. Home? Well, I certainly... yes, indeed. I have such a tremendous load of papers to carry. It'll be a big help. I'll run and get them. You're alrighty. Hmm. You're letting me to ask her to the dance. Well, I hope she hurries. Grace sees me drive off with her. She might misunderstand. Hello, Doc Morton. Grace. May I get in? Well... I saw you waving to me through the window, but I couldn't wave back at the moment. Nice of you to wait for me. Well, as a matter of fact, I started out waiting for you. But right now, I'm waiting for somebody else. Oh, yes. What happened to Leroy? I saw him here at the car. Yeah, he ran off to watch football practice. Well, are we just going to sit here until that's over? Grace... Uh, what's the matter? Are you out of gas? Just about. You see, I'm waiting for Miss Henshaw. The principal? I'm supposed to take her home. Oh. Funny thing, the way it came about. I was sitting here in the car, and I just waved to you through the window when Miss Henshaw came along. Excuse me, Trot Morton. If you don't mind, I'll hear about it another time. What? There's Miss Greg. I'll ride home with her. I can take you both. I've got plenty of room. I'm still crowded to me. Goodbye. But Grace, goodbye. Hmm. I'm still trying to call Miss Tupper. I've got to explain about this afternoon. Do you want me to hold dinner? No, we'll eat, Bertie. I'll try later. We don't have to eat now. We can have it or hold it. Well, let's have it. We don't have to. We can hold it. Never mind, Bertie. If you want to get your car too, I can bring a tray to the phone. No, thanks. You eat all the tray in the television. No reason why you can't eat all the tray talking on the phone. Bertie, just put the dinner on the table. Yes. We can have it or hold it. Yes, yes. All right. Put down the tray. The table, Bertie. The table. You want to answer the phone, honk? No. I'm sure she isn't avoiding me. She undoubtedly stepped out. Yeah. After you threw her over for the principal, she probably threw herself in the river. No, Leroy. She probably walked ejectedly to the riverbank, looked into the dark, swirling water, and said, farewell, cruel world. Confounded Leroy, this is a serious matter. You're fighting it, honk. Maybe this is fate. Fate? Why date the seventh grade teacher when you can be going out with the principal? Where's your ambition? Watch it, young man. You can go right to the top. Leroy, I'm not interested. I am. Then if Miss Tuttle gave me a bad grade, the principal could change it. Leroy. Well, our kids got to think of all the angles. Miss Tuttle is an old and dear friend of mine. Well, Miss Henshaw is a stranger in town. Yeah, but what a keen-looking stranger. Yeah, I think I'll try grace once more before dinner. Why doesn't she answer? Well, that's right, Bertie. I could have held it, but you said put it on. Yeah, I know, Bertie. So I put it on. You want me to take it off? Yeah, I'll be right there. If you and a stew with your girlfriend, it won't hurt my stew. Oh, all right, Bertie. You know why it won't hurt my stew? Because stew ain't what we have in forever. Miss Henshaw? What can I do for you this evening? You know nothing, Phoebe. Just killing a little time. I'm due at a big function this evening. I noticed during your blue surge, dedicating a new water main, are you? No, Miss Henshaw, the principal, asked me to chaperone a school dance. You don't change. Yeah, I wanted to have a date with Miss Tuttle, but Miss Henshaw said no taking faculty members to the dance. Miss Tuttle was in the family this afternoon. She said she was going to the dance. She is? Oh, you'll see her after all. Your problems are over. If Grace couldn't understand why I drove the principal home, what would she say when she sees Miss Henshaw has invited me to chaperone? She'd say that two-time and water peddler and it's over the head with your own bucket. No! Oh, Phoebe, let's face it. I'm in a jam. If you use your head, you can get out of this. Even if you don't take Miss Tuttle to the dance, you can take her home. Say, that's an idea. I remember back in my cutting days, I took a horse to a dance and brought Mrs. Phoebe home. You what? Of course I brought the horse home, too. We were in your buggy. Well, I didn't think you drove Mrs. Phoebe home. Oh, man, no. There's any driving to be done. You know who'd be in the harness. I'll never forget that night. It was cold and winter in. We had to snuggle up a little bit to keep warm. Yeah, I'll bet. That was the night Mrs. Phoebe said yes. Well, that's the night you proposed? I didn't say anything. My teeth were chattering and when I got down on my knees to buckle my galances, she said yes. Phoebe, you're kidding. But when I go to the dance, I'm going to take your advice. You're going to propose? No. Now, when I get a chance to speak to Grace, I'll just ask if I can take her home. That's what I think. Well, I'll be on my way, Phoebe. Very well, but that'll be 25 cents. 25 cents? Well, you didn't buy anything. I should get something for the advice. Good night, Phoebe. This is for the dance. Boys on one side and the girls on the other. You wonder if Grace is here yet. Oh, there you are, Mr. Gilda Sleeves. Good evening, Miss Henshaw. I'm so glad you arrived a little early. Yes, indeed. You know the water commissioner. Always on tap. Fine. Since you're alone, I wonder if you'll be kind enough to take charge of the record player. You misspend the platies? Well, delighted. Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go greet the other chaps. You know, just leave it to me, Miss Henshaw. Yeah, let's see. What have we here? Yes? Hello, Leroy. You in charge of records? Yeah. Put on dragnet. Leroy, how can you dance to dragnet? Who wants to dance? Play it and we'll clear out the joint. They'll think it's a raid. Young man, go line up your first dance. I got it already. I'm dancing with Piggy. Piggy? You're supposed to dance with girls. Well, they're on to me. I've got two left feet. Well, go dance with Ethel Hamishrod. She'll dance with anybody. There's Grace. Oh, my God. She's pretty. There's something about her red head and the green dress. Yo, Grace. You. Surprise. Oh, my God. Morton, what are you doing here? Miss Henshaw invited me to Chaperone. Oh, so that's your principal reason? No, Grace. Hang it up! Play something! Just a minute, Leroy. Grace, you've got the wrong idea. There's nothing between Miss Henshaw and me. Well, I assure you I won't stand between you. Grace, I'll explain everything. I'm not interested in an explanation, particularly. My first thought was to invite you to the dance. But Miss Henshaw said I shouldn't bring a faculty member. Oh, she did. You know, Grace, don't take it personally. She doesn't even know we've been going together. Does it have to be a secret? You don't know. No, as a matter of fact, after the dance is over, I'd like to take you home. How about it? Well, I don't know. It was very embarrassing the other day when I had to get out of your car because you were waiting for her. It wasn't my idea. And it won't happen again, believe me. I'll meet you at the door right after the dance is over. Well... Grace, you know there's nobody but you. You do sound convincing. That's because it comes from the heart. All right, Trot Morton. I'll meet you at the door. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Hey, Aunt. What is it, Leroy? Are you going to flip records or just flip your lid over Miss Tuttle? Young man. I'm not going home. Hi. Smart boy. As she's waiting at the door, I'd better hurry. Just a moment, Grace. Hello, Miss Sencha. Nice party. Wasn't it? I want to thank you for being such a splendid chaperone. You're glad to do it. Well, good night. Before you go. Yes. Would you help me close the windows and lock the auditorium? Me? Right. Unless you're in a hurry to get home. Oh, no. I'm in no hurry to get home. Yeah, I mean... Wonderful. I hate to be in a big, empty school building all alone. You're right. You're right. I guess it won't take long. I know Grace doesn't think I'm standing her up. Now, this window always sticks. Will you help me pull it down? You know, I think I can manage Miss Sencha. She'll finish this job in a jiffy. Yet. Yet. Yet. It's coming. Oh! Right on my finger. Oh, did you hurt your finger? I'm terribly sorry. Let me see. Oh. Practically nothing. Oh. I wish you wouldn't hold my hand. Dear, I'm afraid you're going to lose this nail. You know, well, I've got nine more. Let's close the window and get out of here. Oh, excuse me. Why, Miss Turtle, are you still here? Yes, I'm still here. Hmm. You didn't have to come back to hell. I didn't. I'm just passing through. Oh. Good night. Good night. Everybody. Oh. Well, Mr. Gilder-Sleeve, let's close the rest of the windows and be careful of your finger. Yeah, I think I'll close this one on my neck. Great Gilder-Sleeve will be back in just a minute. Never before has there been a contest like the New Craft Oil Contest. First prize is a new Ford Victoria every year for five years. Not only that, there are 1,850 other prizes. 1,850 valuable Dormire electric appliances. You can enter. You may win. Just name Bertie's luscious new cake made with craft oil. When you buy a green-capped bottle of craft oil, you'll find the recipe printed on the inside of the label. Make the cake, enjoy it, and send craft the name you think best describes it. First prize is a smart new Ford every year for five years. You get a deluxe Ford, Victoria the first year, and then every year for the next four years, you traded in on the newest model at no further cost to you. Additional prizes include 100 Dormire electric burly rotisseries, 200 Dormire electric blankets, 200 Dormire power mixers, 250 Dormire portable mixers, and 1,100 Dormire fry wells. You'll find entry blanks for craft oils. Name the cake contest at your grocers where you buy craft oil. The entry blank includes the full prize list, news about a special bonus prize, and complete contest rules. Craft oil's name the cake contest ends soon, so get your entry in right away. Remember, you may win a Ford, Victoria, every year for five years, or one of 1,850 Dormire electric appliances. Gilda Sleeve has been caught in the web of circumstances. Price now, Miss Tuttle, the pretty teacher, thought she had a date with our water commission. Only to find him in the company of the school principal, Miss Henshaw. The least Grace Tuttle can do is give me a chance to explain. She isn't usually like that. She has me plenty of chances in class. I can never explain anything. Well, the one sure thing, Leroy, you ain't learning as much from them teachers as your uncle is. Yeah, I'm getting a Ph.D. in the School of Hard Knocks, Bertie. Yes, and you're getting an L.L.A. to go. What's an L.L.A.? Let Love Alone. Yes, yes. Well, I've done all I can. I tried to phone her, gone by her apartment. I even sent her a note by you, Leroy. Yeah. What did she say? Nothing. She just corrected the spelling. There was nothing wrong with the spelling. Yes, there was. You spelled explain. That was not an E. I just forgot to dot the I. Anyway, you flunked. It's awful. Don't worry, Aunt. You just mope around the house over the weekend, and when I go to school next Monday, I'll tell Miss Tuttle how miserable you've been. Who's miserable? If Miss Tuttle chooses to believe I'm becoming interested in the school principal, well, I'd George all accommodate her. You mean you'll admit it? Well, I'm not interested in her, Leroy, but I will say she's attractive enough. Mr. Kilsie, they ain't gonna be caught without a good-looking girl. Oh, Bertie, if I make a date with the principal, it'll only be to teach Miss Tuttle a lesson. Leroy... Yeah, I'll show Grace Tuttle she isn't the only pebble on the beach. You'll have a notion to phone the principal and ask her for a date right now. Hello, Peevie. I don't know, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you? Well, I want to use your phone. Where's the directory? Right here. Yes, thanks. How was your dance the other evening? Peevie, that's a sore subject. Miss Tuttle stepped on your toes. No, she won't even talk to me because she's jealous of Miss Henshaw. Now, I'm gonna give her something to be jealous about. My, my. Here we are. Right here. Irene Henshaw. Mr. Gildersliever, you're sure you're doing the right thing? You know what they say about rebounds or man. Though I'm not rebounding, I'm snapping back. You seem pretty confident, Miss Henshaw. I'll give you the date. Well, why shouldn't she? She hasn't been here long enough to know anybody else. She doesn't know I go with anybody. Is this Miss Henshaw? Yes. This is Throckmorton P. Gilderslieve, your chaperone par excellence. Remember? Oh, of course, Mr. Gilderslieve. Well, I thought you'd like to know what a good friend of the school thinks of you. I certainly would. I hope I'm doing a good job. Oh, yes, indeed. In fact, this friend thinks you deserve an evening out. Away from children. Me? You all right? First, you wanted to take me to the school, then. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I mean, yes. Yes, I did. And I suppose such perseverance should be rewarded. Yes, indeed. Would you like to pin the medal on me tonight? Well... You didn't need a medal with all that brass. You need the recreation. It'll all work and no play, you know. Perhaps I do. Would you like to come over about eight? Yeah, I'll be there at seven forty-five. Goodbye. Bye-bye. Hot dog. Peavey, wrap up your best box of candy. I'm very happy you've got the date. Yeah, good old Peavey. You like to see me win out, don't you? You tell me the truth, Mr. Gilersleeve. I like to sell candy. Good evening, Throckmorton. I've enjoyed it, too, Irene. Just think. A little while ago, it was Miss Henshaw and Mr. Gilersleeve. You know, I was Irene and Throckmorton. Well, I'd better go in now. Well, so soon? Why can't we sit here in the port swing a few minutes? It's a mild evening. Well, all right, for a minute. Oop. Someday I'll come by and bring my oil can and take the squeak out of those chains. It'll be another excuse to see you. A big boy like you doesn't have to bring an excuse to the teacher. You're fine. All right, George, I'm glad I got the idea to call you tonight. So am I. The movie was fun. Most men seem to think they have to take the school principal to the museum or some such place. Well, he ain't going to get me into any museums until I'm prehistoric. You know, Throckmorton, I didn't realize there was a moon tonight. Well, he probably didn't know we were going to be together. Yeah, I don't see it. Where is he? Just coming up through the trees, right there. I can't quite see it from here. Mind if I move over closer to you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You must be able to see it very well now. If Grace could see me now. Grace, I mean Irene. Yes? I take you to the junior high football game this week. I think that would be very nice, but are you sure you want to ask me? What do you mean? You just called me Grace. Yeah, I did. I didn't mean her. Could Grace by any chance be Miss Tuttle? No, Irene, she doesn't mean anything to me. As a matter of fact, I'd like to take you to the game and sit right where she can see us. Oh. Yeah, I don't know what you heard, but... I'm just beginning to hear quite a lot. I had no idea you were going with Miss Tuttle. Oh, I'm not. Since when? You know, since the night you had me closing the windows. All of two nights ago. So that's why she acted so strangely when she walked through the room. Well. How could I have been so taken in? Now, Irene, Miss Henshaw. The children at school try to work angles all day. I thought I could drop my guard at night. But... I must go in, Trockmorton. Wait a minute, Irene. Don't go in. We scarcely know each other. I think we know each other. Good night. Miss Henshaw. No game? The game is over. No, Miss Henshaw. How was your date last night? Don't mention it. Is it all right to bring up the moon? It looked very romantic last night. I felt like throwing rocks at it. You don't care. TV? I'm off women. Why I ever got mixed up with two school teachers I'll never know. Yeah, every man isn't too smart. He shouldn't get mixed up with teachers. I've gotten smart. I'm through with teachers. I take it Miss Henshaw didn't want to compete with Miss Tuttle. Who's the worst mistake I ever made? Trying to go with two teachers or like trying to go with two sisters? Yes, your right hand is pretty sure to know what your left hand is doing. That's an astute observation. Women. Good evening, Mr. Peavy. Well, hello, Miss Peavy. No. What can I do for you this afternoon? I need a new lipstick. Okay, well. Yeah, I'd say the one she has is perfect. We have quite a selection here. If Mr. Gildersleeve will excuse us. Yo, I'm in no hurry. No, no hurry at all. Go right ahead, Peavy, and wait on Miss... Miss... Miss Parrish, you're new in town. I wonder if you've met our distinguished water commissioner, Mr. Gildersleeve. How do you do, Mr. Gildersleeve? I didn't know you, Miss Parrish. Mr. Gildersleeve is not only the water commissioner. He's one of our most eligible bachelors. Really? Oh, Peavy. Well, I'd better select my lipstick. Oh, and I see you have sunglasses. I'll need some if I'm going to the football game tomorrow. Okay, well. Do you like football, Miss Parrish? No, I never miss a game if I can help it. Well, I plan to go tomorrow. Oh? Since we're both be going. Perhaps you'd go with me if you're not busy. You tell the eight swim and... Well, I hardly know what to say, Mr. Gildersleeve. Well, you might say yes. Mr. Peavy here will vouch for me. In fact, he already has. Oh, yes. You'll be safe with Mr. Gildersleeve. I'll go. It sounds like fun. Great. It's a date. It's a date. After all, when a girl comes to a new town, she has to make new friends. Yeah, you're right as rain, Miss Parrish. By the way, what brought you to Summerfield? I'm a new first grade teacher. Oh! The great Gildersleeve will be with us again in just 30 seconds. When you're shopping tomorrow, get a green cap bottle of craft oil at your grocers and along with it an entry blank for Craft Oil's exciting Name the Cade contest. The winner of this contest gets a new Ford Victoria every year for five years. Or you may win one of 1,800 dollars. The winner of this contest gets a new Ford Victoria every year for five years. Or you may win one of 1,850 Dormire electric appliances. All you do is name Birdie's luscious new cake made with craft oil. Get your entry blank tomorrow. Nothing like a good fire on a dreary afternoon, Leroy. Thank you for taking Miss Parrish to the game instead of sitting here with me. No, my boy, I'm fed up. I'm in trouble with every woman I know. They've got me in a corner. I'm trapped. Yeah? Nobody can set a trap like a woman. When Miss Tuttle came out to the car while I was waiting for Miss Hanshaw, I was trapped. I'll say. Miss Hanshaw trapped me when she asked me to help lock up the school. If I'd taken that first grade teacher Miss Parrish to the game, I'd have been trapped again. I'm going to steer clear of women. What's this? When I grow up, I'm going to be just like you. I'm not going to get married. Wait a minute, my boy. You shouldn't say that. One of these days, some pretty little girl will come along and you'll see things differently. Yeah? After all, men can't get along without women. They're indispensable. Woman is the cornerstone of the family. They make the home. They comfort and inspire men the greater things. Now, do you understand why you have to get married? Yeah, I'll be trapped. The show is played by Willard Waterman. It's an MBC radio network production. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White. It's transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Kathleen, Mary Schiff, Lillian Randolph, Joanne Jordan, Kathy Lewis, and Dickwood Rand. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying good night for the craft food company, makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Be sure to subscribe. Don't miss out on all the food products. Be sure to listen in next week and every week for the further adventures of The Great Gilders League. Done up just right, a delicious hamburger can be truly a gourmet delight. A big deal in eating pleasure. Of course, just about every good cook knows that a dash of craft-prepared mustard really makes a hamburger. Because when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. Craft mustard naturally. There are two kinds of craft-prepared mustard. Mild craft mustard, if you like it smooth and delicately spiced. Snappy craft mustard with horseradish added, if you like it zippy. Get both kinds of craft-prepared mustard at your food store. Here you bet your life with Groucho Marks tonight on the NBC Radio Network.