 Hello, my beautiful internet friends, and welcome back to Taboo Tuesday. Guys, we have like an official board now. I feel super cool and like trendy and like I should be on Instagram or something, which I am, I am on Instagram, but the board makes me feel official. Anyways, Taboo Tuesday is where we talk about tough topics. I got it right that time, guys. I finally got my catchphrase correct. Generally, I tackle a topic that has something to do with, you know, like a Taboo subject about disability or imputation. And this week, I thought I would dive into something that is pertinent for the last couple of weeks people have been asking me about, and that is medications for depression and or anxiety. It's funny, after yesterday's video, it was basically unedited, and I was talking about some intense stuff. A lot of people suggested that I talk to my doctor about going on medication, and a lot of people have asked me, but I thought it would be a great time on Taboo Tuesday to tackle this topic. Let's dive in. Let's take a journey back in time to 19-year-old Joe. So I was raised in a conservative Christian family. I was really, really into the church, like personally. And when it came to mental health, a lot of what I was taught was that if you were having an issue, if you were struggling, anything was going on, it all came back to faith. Mental health wasn't really talked about because everything came back to spiritual health. And people who are on medication for anxiety or depression or other mental issues were kind of talked down about or frowned upon. It was like, oh, you know, they're kind of weaker people for taking medication to fix a problem when they could be going to God with it, which is such a backwards way of thinking about things. And I actually did a video in conjunction with Scott from Depression to Expression. About a year ago, I will link that up above that kind of dealt some more with that. Because of the mindset that I had, I never, never, ever wanted to consider any kind of medication, and I was kind of against it. I didn't really judge people who were on it, but I mean, maybe deep down, I kind of did a little bit, to be honest with you, back in the day. And then I went through a crap ton of trauma. I was in a very, very, very dark mental place. And I think I honestly struggled with depression all throughout high school, throughout college. I just did not myself admit it. I was like, I'm just tired. I'm just not praying enough. I just need to go to church more, like connect with God, you know, as I was internally really struggling. But then things got real. When I turned 20 and a lot of trauma happened in my life. Dogs were barking outside, please hold. They stopped, okay. So that's not my dog, by the way. My neighbor has this little white, fuzzy dog that I just like sipping. Anyways, 20-year-old Joe against medication struggling. I went to see my doctor after I had gone through some physical trauma and she asked if I wanted to go on antidepressants. And I was like, no, like, no, I'll be fine. I'll work through it. I'm okay. And that lasted for about a year. Slowly and surely just who got really, really not okay. Do you want to be in the video? You really want to be in the video, don't you? It got to the point where I would be like sitting at my desk downstairs, staring at the wall, blankly in front of me, tears rolling down my face, feeling absolutely nothing and absolutely everything at the same time, unable to move. And that was the moment I was like, I have to do something because I had been trying everything else at that point. I had been trying a lot of the faith things that I'd always learned and I'd tried like exercising and eating well and all the basic stuff. But I was like, you know what? I am not going to make it maybe if I don't change something. And so I went in to talk to a doctor and I was ashamed, embarrassed, really frightened. I didn't know how to talk to someone about it. I thought they might think that I was like, like something was wrong with me or I was broken or like weird or weak or anything like that. But they were amazing. I am really grateful that I had a really great doctor to talk to, just kind of discussed how I was doing and if there's anything that they could do to help. And so he suggested a medication called Wellbutrin. It's an antidepressant. I think it's kind of also a stimulant. So it does a number of different things. It addressed a lot of issues that I was having and I decided to give it a shot and making a decision to start taking medication. I really felt like I was failing. I really felt like I was less than other people and a lot of my friends who I talked to who were amazing friends, really, really fantastic, said things like, oh, you know, that's, I mean, like I wouldn't do it, but if that's something you need kind of thing and yeah, I felt a lot of shame, but I did it. I got on it and it was a weird adjusting period. And then about six weeks later, I started feeling a lot better. The best way I could describe it is instead of starting at like a negative six for the day, like if a zero is where most human beings start, I started out the day at like a negative six and negative seven and negative eight and I'd be struggling to make it up to maybe like a negative one or negative two. The medication that I was on in conjunction with counseling made it so that I felt like I was starting at like a negative one or a negative two. Like it didn't make me happy. It didn't fix things, but it seemed to even things out a little bit. And so for the past many years, actually I have been on antidepressants. In that time, I have gotten so much more comfortable thinking about talking about it. I no longer feel too much shame about it. Every once in a while, it like creeps up because I was taught most of my life that like you shouldn't do that or whatever, but that's flawed thinking. Here's how I think about antidepressants. I think that they're a great tool. I think that their tool is not for everybody, but it's definitely worked for me and they definitely work for a lot of people because here's the thing, I was unable to get to a better place when I was that dark, when I was that deep down. I was going to counseling at that point, but like I couldn't, couldn't function. I could not function. I could not move. I couldn't like anything. And so being on that medication brought me up to a point where my brain was functional enough that I could begin to work through some of the things that had me in that place that were affecting me so deeply. I remember having one conversation with my doctor where I was so worried. I was like, well, what, like, I know there's like clinical depression and then there's like situational depression, which I don't think is an actual thing. And I was like, if, if I'm just depressed because of things that have happened, I don't want to be on medication. Like I only want to be on medication if it's like chemical imbalance. Like if I actually like have a disease of depression was like how I was talking about at the time. And his explanation, I think was great. His explanation is that your body is chemistry, it's constantly changing. And the things that happen outside of us, things that happen to us, things that happen in our heads, absolutely affect our body's chemistry. And so when I went through severe trauma, your brain does crazy things. And how he explained it, don't quote me on this. Basically your brain goes into protective mode and shuts down maybe parts of your brain that don't need to be functioning to protect you when you're going through that kind of trauma. And guess what? Your brain produces chemicals that you need. And so maybe you don't have the right balance right now or maybe there's something else going on. This is just a tool. That's all it is. It's just a tool. You don't have to stay on it forever. There's no shame in it. And it can help even things out until we get those parts of your brain working again, essentially. I love that explanation of it. I'm actually not sure if that's entirely medically accurate or not, but I really liked the way that it was presented because it does make sense. Our bodies are constantly changing. Chemistry is always shifting. Sometimes things just don't work quite right and I have been on medication ever since. We've tried changing something. Right now I am on antidepressants and I know that some people aren't fans of that and I totally respect that. But at the same time, I can't afford to get any lower than I am right now and it is a great tool as I continue to work on what I need to work on. For me, and this is literally just for me, it's important that I use medication in conjunction with other things. I don't want to solely be dependent on a medication thinking it'll fix things because in my experience, it doesn't do that. In my experience, there are other influencing factors. This is just my life. So for instance, right now I am dealing with a lot of depression because I've always dealt with depression, but it's a lot worse. I'm guessing because I lost my leg. I'm trying to adjust so that I face setback after setback and so I can't ignore the fact that there are external factors affecting what's going on internally. So I use medication as a tool to help me function, to help me be able to work on the things that I need to work on, to be able to take care of myself and to be able to stay on the planet. What really got me to the point of saying yes to medication was the fact that I was like, you know what, it's either I try this or I will probably end up dead. I know that sounds morbid, but it was like kind of what's the harm at that point because nothing can be treated if you don't exist. Nothing can be treated if you're not on the planet anymore. So I think it was important for me to try and thankfully I found something that really worked for me. Is that gonna be the case for everybody? No. I think everyone's specific situation is gonna be different and I would never advise anybody on whether or not to take medication. That's a purely personal decision between you and your doctor, but it has been an incredibly positive thing in my life. Like I've said a bunch in this video, it's just a tool. It helps us get to a better place. It helps us stick around and it's not like it fixes problems. It's not like it fixes things in our lives. They're not happy pills. Sometimes people talk about antidepressants like they make you happy and they definitely don't. They just bring you from the depths of darkness up a little bit to an area where you might actually be able to function. You might be able to go do things that help additionally you deal with that mental health issue. I think that there are a lot of misconceptions out there when it comes to medication for any kind of mental health issue. I think it's important to know that there's no shame in taking anything. There's no shame in talking to anybody about it. And also different things are going to work for different people. There isn't one size fits all. I think so often we preach it to people based on our experiences. So if someone's had like a bad experience with medication or has read an article, they're like, don't do it. Like don't ever touch it. It can ruin your life and it can actually really help some people's lives but for other people it can be detrimental. So experiment with what works for you. Talk to professionals, talk to whoever you need to talk to. Get help in whatever way you need to get help with. This is something that you're struggling with but that has been my experience with medication. It is a great tool. Something I would not like to stay on for the rest of my life. Definitely have no intention of doing that but it has absolutely helped me to function as I continue to find ways to cope and to process everything that is going on in life and how I am feeling and how I get through this. With that being said, what are your thoughts on this issue? I know people have pretty strong opinions one way or another depending on how you're raised depending on what side of the fence you fall on. Respectfully I would love to hear everyone's thoughts and feelings on this issue. Also, side note, I really hate worrying people and I feel like the video from yesterday and maybe a couple of videos ago is concerning to watch. So I just want to apologize if I worried anybody. I am very engaged as much as I can be with the people around me. I do have help in place so just please know that I'm not just sitting in a room alone talking to a camera, talking to you guys. I am talking to my counselors, I am talking to my husband, I am talking to good friends. I do have people in place and coping skills that I am working on and using. So I'll be okay. Just having a hard time. I really don't want to scare anybody. I just want to be honest about where I am in hopes that it could help other people if that makes sense. So with that being said, a huge thank you to all of my patrons over on Patreon. I truly appreciate all you guys do for me. It means the world to me that you would choose to use your money and your time and your effort to support what I'm doing here. That's amazing. Today's patron of the day is Diane Layman. Diane, thank you so much for choosing to support me. Thank you for all you do and thank you for your support in more ways than one. If you like what you watched here, I would love if you would consider subscribing to this channel so I can see you here in the future and like this video. Thanks for watching guys. I love you. I'm thinking of you. I look forward to seeing you in the next video. Hang in there. Bye guys. And her from the sky all about high tide goes around you.