 Letters XVI of Clarissa, Volume I. Recording by Ben Dutton, Lampeder, Wales. Clarissa Harlow, or the History of a Young Lady, Volume I, by Samuel Richardson. Letters XVI. Miss Clarissa Harlow, to Miss Howe. Her proceeding not at that time received. Friday, March the 3rd. O my dear friend, I have had a sad conflict. Trial upon trial. Conference upon conference. But what law, what ceremony can give a man a right to a heart which abhors him more than it does any living creature? I hope my mother will be able to prevail for me. But I will recount it all, though I set up the whole night to do it. For I have a vast deal to write, and will be as minute as you wish me to be. I concluded my last in a fright. It was occasioned by a conversation that passed between my mother and my aunt, part of which Hannah overheard. I need not to give you the particulars, since what I have to relate to you from different conversations that have passed between my mother and me, in the space of a very few hours, will include them all. I will begin then. I went down this morning when breakfast was ready, with a very uneasy heart, from what Hannah had informed me of yesterday afternoon. Wishing for an opportunity, however, to appeal to my mother in hopes to engage her interest in my behalf, and proposing to try to find one when she retired to her own apartment after breakfast. But unluckily there was the odious soams, sitting a squat between my mother and sister, with so much assurance in his looks. But you know, my dear, that those we love not, can do not anything to please us. Had the wretch kept his seat, it might have been well enough, but the bend and broad-shouldered creature must needs a rise, and stalk towards a chair, which was just by that which was set for me. I removed it to a distance, as if to make way to my own, and down I sat, abruptly, I believe, what I had heard all in my head. But this was not enough to daunt him. The man is very confident. He is very bold, staring man. Indeed, my dear, the man is very confident. He took the removed chair, and drew it so near mine, squatting in it with his ugly weight, that he pressed upon my hoop. I was so offended, all I had heard, as I said in my head, that I removed to another chair. I own I had too little command of myself. It gave my brother and sister too much advantage. I daresay they took it. But I did involuntarily, I think. I could not help it. I knew not what I did. I saw that my father was excessively displeased. When angry, no man's countenance ever shows it so much as my father's. Clarissa Harlow said he with a big voice, and there he stopped. Sir, said I, trembling and curtsy ink, for I had not then sat down again, and put my chair nearer the wretch, and sat down, my face, as I could feel, all in a glow. Make tea, child, said my kind mamar. Sit by me. Love, and make tea. I removed with pleasure to the seat the man had quitted, and being thus indulgently put into employment, soon recovered myself. And in the course of the breakfasting, officiously asked two or three questions of Mr. Soames, which I would not have done, but to make up with my father. Proud spirits may be brought to. Whisperingly spoke my sister to me, over her shoulder, with an air of triumph from scorn. But I did not mind her. My mother was all kindness and condescension. I asked her once, if she were pleased with the tea. She said softly, and again called me dear, she was pleased with all I did. I was very proud of this encouraging goodness, and all blew over, as I hoped, between my father and me. For he also spoke kindly to me two or three times. Small accidents, my dear, to trouble you with, only as they lead to greater, as you shall hear. Before the usual breakfast time was over, my father withdrew my mother, telling her he wanted to speak with her. Then my sister, and next to my aunt, who was with us, dropped away. My brother gave himself some airs of insult, which I understood well enough, but which Mr. Soames could make nothing of. And at last he arose from his heat. Sister said he, I have a curiosity to show you. I will fetch it. And away he went, shutting the door close after him. I saw what all this was for. I arose, the man hemming up for a speech, rising and beginning to set his splay-feet. Indeed, my dear, the man in all his ways is hateful to me, in an approaching posture. I will save my brother the trouble of bringing to me his curiosity, said I. I curtsied. Your servant, sir, the man cried, Madame, Madame, twice, and looked the fool. But away I went to find my brother, to save my word. But my brother, indifferent as the weather was, was gone to walk in the garden with my sister. A plain case that he had left his curiosity with me, and designed to show me no other. I had but just got into my own apartment, and began to think of sending Hannah to beg an audience of my mother. The more encouraged by her condescending goodness at breakfast, when surely her woman bought me her commands to attend me in her closet. My father, Hannah told me, was just gone out of it with a positive angry countenance. Then I, as much, dreaded the audience as I had wished for it before. I went down, however, but apprehending the subjects he intended to talk to me upon, approaching her trembling and my heart-invisible palpitations. She saw my concern, holding out her kind arms as she sat. Come kiss me, my dear, said she, with a smile like a sunbeam breaking through the cloud that overshadowed her naturally benign aspect. Why flutters my jewels so! This preparative sweetness, with a goodness just before, confirmed my apprehensions. My mother saw the bitter pill wanted gilding. Oh, my mamar was all I could say, and I clasped my arms around her neck, and my face sunk into her bosom. My child, my child, restrain, said she, your powers of moving. I dare not else trust myself with you, and my tears trickled down her bosom as hers bedewed my neck. Oh, the words of kindness, all to be expressed in vain, that flowed from her lips. Lift up your sweet face, my best child, my own Clarissa Harlow. Oh, my daughter, best beloved of my heart, lift up a face so ever amiable to me. Why these sobs? Is an apprehended duty so affecting a thing that before I can speak? But I am glad, my love, you can guess at what I have to say to you. I am spared the pains of breaking to you what was a task upon me reluctantly enough undertaken to break to you. Then rising, she drew a chair near her own, and made me sit down by her, overwhelmed as I was with tears of apprehension of what she had to say, and of gratitude for her truly maternal goodness to me. Sobs, still my only language. And drawing her chair still nearer to mine, she put her arms around my neck, and my glowing cheek wet with my tears, close to her own. Let me talk to you, my child, since silence is your choice, hearken to me, and be silent. You know, my dear, what I every day full go, and undergo for the sake of peace. Your papa is a very good man, and means well, but he will not be controlled, nor yet persuaded. You have sometimes seemed to pity me that I am obliged to give up every point. Poor man, his reputation the less for it, mine the greater, yet would I not have the credit, if I could not help it, at so dear a rate to him, and to myself. You are a dutiful, a prerudent, and a wise child. She was pleased to say, in hope, no doubt, to make me so. You would not add, I am sure, to my trouble. You would not willfully break that peace which costs your mother so much to preserve. Abedience is better than sacrifice. Oh, my clarie Harlow, rejoice my heart, by telling me that I have apprehended too much. I see your concern, I see your perplexity, I see your conflict. Loosing her arm and rising, not willing I should see how much she herself was affected. I will leave you a moment, answer me not, for I was a saying to speak and had, as soon as she took her dear cheek from mine, dropped down on my knees, my hands clasped, and lifted up in a supplicating manner. I am not prepared for your irresistible expossulation, she was pleased to say. I will leave you to recollection, and I charge you on my blessing, that all this, my truly maternal tenderness, be not thrown away upon you. And then she withdrew into the next apartment, wiping her eyes as she went from me. As mine overflowed, my heart taking in the whole compass of her meaning. She soon returned, having recovered more steadiness. Still on my knees, I had thrown my face across the chair she had sat in. Look up at me, my clarie Harlow, no sulliness, I hope, no indeed, my ever-to-be-reveered mamar, and I arose. I bent my knee, she raised me. No kneeling to me, but with knees of duty and compliance, your heart, not your knees, must bend. It is absolutely determined. Prepare yourself, therefore, to receive your father, when he visits you by and by, as he would wish to receive you. But on this one quarter of an hour depends the peace of my future life, the satisfaction of all the family, and your own security from a man of violence. And I charge you, besides, on my blessing, that you think of being Mrs. Soames. There went the dagger to my heart, and down I sunk. And when I recovered, found myself in the arms of my Hannah, my sister's Betty, holding open my reluctantly open palm, my laces cut, my linen scented with hearts shorn, and my mother gone, had I been less kindly treated, the hated name still foreborn to be mentioned, or mentioned with a little more preparation and reserve, I had stood at the horrid sound with less visible emotion, but to be bid, on the blessing of a mother so dearly beloved, so truly reverenced, to think of being Mrs. Soames? What a denunciation that was! Sure he came in with a message, delivered in her solemn way. Your mama, miss, is concerned for your disorder. She expects you down again in an hour, and bid me say that she then hopes everything from your duty. I made no reply. For what could I say? And leaning upon Hannah's arm, withdrew to my own apartment. There you will guess how the greatest part of the owl was employed. Within that time my mother came up to me. I love, she was pleased to say, to come into this apartment. No emotions, child, no flutters. Am I not your mother? Do not discompose me by discomposing yourself. Do not occasion me uneasiness when I would give you nothing but pleasure. Come, my dear, we will go into your closet. She took my hand, led the way, and made me sit down by her. And after she had inquired how I did, she began in a strain as if she's disposed I had made use of the intervening space to overcome all my objections. She was pleased to tell me that my father and she, in order to spare my natural modesty, had taken the whole fair upon themselves. Hear me out, and then speak. He is indeed everything I wish him to be, but he is a man of probity and has no vices. No vices, madame? Hear me out, child. You have not behaved much amiss to him. We have seen with pleasure that you have not. Oh, madame, I must I now speak. I still have done presently. A young creature of your virtuous and pious turn, she was pleased to say, cannot surely love a profligate. You love your brother too well to wish to marry one who had liked to have killed him, and who threatened your uncles, and who defies us all. You have had your own way six or seven times. We want to secure you against a man so vile. Tell me, I have a right to know whether you prefer this man to all others. Yet God forbid that I should know you do, for such a declaration would make us all miserable. Yet tell me, are your affections engaged to this man? I knew not what the indifference was. If I said they were not. You hesitate. You answer me not. You cannot answer me, rising. Nevermore will I look upon you with an eye of favour. Oh, madame, madame, kill me not with your displeasure. I would not. I need not. Hesitate one moment. Did I not dread the indifference? If I answer you as you wish. Yet be that inference what it will, your threatened displeasure will make me speak. And I declare to you that I know not my own heart, if it not be absolutely free. And pray, let me ask my dearest mamar, in what has my conduct been faulty, that, like a giddy creature, I must be forced to marry, to save me from? From what? Let me beseech you, madame, to be the guardian of my reputation. Let not your Clarissa be precipitated into a state she wishes not to enter into with any man. And this, upon a supposition, that otherwise she shall marry herself and disgrace her whole family. Why, madame, and disgrace her whole family? Well then, Clarie, passing over the force of my plea, if your heart be free, O my beloved mamar, let the usual generosity of your dear heart operate in my favour. Urge not upon me the inference that made me hesitate. I won't be interrupted, Clarie. You have seen in my behaviour to you, on this occasion, a truly maternal tenderness. You have observed that I have undertaken the task with some reluctance, because the man is not everything. And because I know you carry on notions of perfection in a man too high, dearest madame, this one time excuse me. Is there then any danger that I should be guilty of an imprudent thing for the man's sake you hint at? Again interrupted. Am I to be questioned and argued with? You know this won't do somewhere else. You know it won't. What reason, then, ungenerous girl, can you have for arguing with me thus? But because you think from my indulgence to you, you may. What can I say? What can I do? What must that cause be upon? Again, Clarie, hallow. Dearest madame, forgive me. It was always my pride and my pleasure to obey you. But look upon that man. See the disagreeableness of his person. Now, Clarie, do I see whose person you have in your eye? Now is Mr. Soames, I see, but comparatively disagreeable, disagreeable only as another man has a much more spacious person. But madame, are not his man as equally so? Is not his person the true representative of his mind? That other man is not, shall not be, anything to me. Release me from this one man who my heart, unbidden, resists, conditioned thus with your father. Will he bear, do you think, a life? Have I not conjured you as you value my peace? What is it that I do not give up? This very task, because I apprehended you, would not be easily persuaded, is a task indeed upon me. And will you give up nothing? Have you not refused as many as have been offered to you? If you would not have a guess for whom comply, for comply you must, in a state of defiance with your whole family. And saying this, she arose and went from me. But at the chamber door stopped and turned back. I will not say below in what a disposition I leave you. Consider of everything, the matter is resolved upon. As you value a father's blessing in mind and the satisfaction of all the family resolve to comply. I will leave you for a few moments. But I will come up to you again. See that I find you as I wish to find you. And since your heart is free let your duty govern it. In about half an hour my mother returned. She found me in tears. She took my hand. It is my part evermore, said she, to be of the acknowledged side. I believe I have needlessly exposed myself to your opposition by the method I have taken with you. I first began as if I expected a denial and by my indulgence brought it upon myself. Do not, my dearest Mamar, do not say so. With the occasion for this debate, proceeded she to have risen from myself. Were it in my power to dispense with your compliance you too well know what you can do with me. Would anybody, my dear Miss Howe, wish to marry who sees a wife of such a temper and blessed with such an understanding as my mother is noted for, not only deprived of all power but obliged to be even active in bringing to bear which she thinks ought not to be insisted upon. When I came to you a second time proceeded she knowing that your opposition would avail you nothing. I refused to hear your reasons and in this I was wrong too because a young creature who loves to reason and used to love to be convinced by reason ought to have all her objections heard. I now therefore this third time see you and I've come resolved to hear all you have to say and let me, my dear, by my patience engage your gratitude your generosity I will call it because it is to you I speak who used to have a mind wholly generous. Let me, let me see what it will indulge you to do to oblige me and so as you permit me your usual discretion to govern you I will hear all you have to say but with this intimation that say what you will it will be of no avail elsewhere. What a dreadful saying is that but could I engage your pity madame it would be somewhat you have as much of my pity as of my love but what is a person, clary, with one of your prudence and your heart disengaged should the eye be disgusted when the heart is to be engaged oh, madame who can think of marrying when the heart is shocked at the first appearance and where the disgust must be conformed by every conversation afterwards into your prepossession let me not have cause to regret that noble firmness of mind in so younger creature which I thought your glory and which was my boast in your character in this instance it would be obstinacy and want of duty have you not made objections to several that was to their minds to their principles madame but this man is an honest man, clary hollow he has a good mind he is a virtuous man he an honest man he is a good mind madame he a virtuous man nobody denies these qualities can he be an honest man who offers terms that will rob all his own relations of their just expectations can his mind be good you, clary hollow for whose sake he offers so much are the last person who should make this observation give me leave to say madame that a person preferring happiness to fortune as I do that want not even what I have and can give up the use of that as an instance of duty no more you know your merits you know you will be a gainer by that cheerful instance of your duty not a loser you know you have but cast your bread upon the waters so no more of that for it is not understood as a merit by everybody I assure you though I think it a high one and so did your father and uncles at the time at the time madame when worthily to my brother and sister who were afraid that the favor I was so lately in I hear nothing against your brother and sister what family feuds have I in prospect at a time when I hoped to have most comfort from all God bless my brother and sister in all their worthy views you shall have no family feuds if I can prevent them you yourself madame I will bear with from them and I will bear it but let my actions not their misrepresentations as I am sure by the disgraceful prohibitions I have met with has been the case speak for me just then up came my father with a sternness in his looks that made me tremble he took two or three turns about my chamber though pained by his gout and then said to my mother who was silent as soon as she saw him my dear you are long absent dinner is near ready what you had to say lain a very little compass surely you have nothing to do but to declare your will and my will but perhaps you may be talking of the preparations let us have you soon down your daughter in your hand and down he went casting his eye upon me with a look so stern that I was unable to say one word to him or even for a few minutes to my mother was not this very intimidating my dear my mother seeing my concern seemed to pity me she called me her good child and kissed me and told me that my father should not know she approached us with an excuse for being so long together said she come my dear dinner will be upon table presently shall we go down and she took my hand this made me start what madame go down to let it be supposed we were talking of preparations oh my beloved mamar command me not to down upon such a supposition you see child that to stay longer together will be owning that you are debating about an absolute duty and that will not be born did not your father himself some days ago tell you he would be obeyed I will a third time leave you I must say something by way of excuse for you and that you desire not to go down to dinner that you're modesty on the occasion oh madame say not my modesty on such an occasion for that there will be to give hope and design you not to give hope perverse girl rising and flinging from me take some more time for consideration since it is necessary take more time and when I see you next let me know what blame I have to cast upon myself or to bear from your father indulgence to you she made however a little stop at the chamber door and seemed to expect that I would have be sought her to make the gentlest construction for me for hesitating she was pleased to say I suppose you would not have me make a report oh madame interrupted I whose favor can I hope for if I lose my mamar to have desired a favorable report you know my dear would have been qualifying upon a point that I was too much determined upon to give room for any of my friends to think I have the least hesitation about it and so my mother went downstairs I will deposit thus far and as I know you will not think me too minute in the relation of particulars so very interesting to one you honor with your love in the same way as matters stand I don't care to have papers so freely written about me pray let Robert call every day if you can spare him whether I have anything ready or not I should be glad you would not send him empty handed what a generosity will it be in you to write as frequently from friendship as I am forced to do from misfortune the letters being taken away will be an assurance as I shall write and deposit as I have opportunity the formality of supper and subscription will be excused for I need not say how much I am you're sincere and ever affectionate Clarissa Harlow end of letter 16 letter 17 of Clarissa volume 1 this is a Libravox recording all Libravox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit Libravox.org recording by Ben Dutton Lampeter Wales Clarissa Harlow or the history of a young lady volume 1 by Samuel Richardson letter 17 Miss Clarissa Harlow to Miss Howe my mother on her return which was as soon as she had dined was pleased to inform me that she had told my father on his questioning her about my cheerful compliance for it seemed the cheerful was all that was doubted that she was willing on so material a point to give a child of love as she had condescended to acknowledge were her words liberty to say all that was in her heart to say that her compliance might be the freer letting him know that when he came up she was attending to my please for that she found I had rather not marry at all she told me that to this my father angrily said let her take care that she gave me not ground to suspect her of a preference somewhere else but if it be to ease her heart and not to dispute my will you may hear her out so Clarie said my mother I am returned in a temper accordingly and I hope you will not again by your parameteriousness show me how I ought to treat you indeed madame you did me justice to say I have no inclination to marry at all I have not, I hope made myself so very unuseful in my papa's family as no more of your merits Clarie you have been a good child you have eased me of all the family cares but do not now give me more than ever you relieved me from you have been amply repaid in the reputation your skill and manager's have given you but now there is soon to be a period to all those assistances from you if you marry there will be a natural and if it to please us a desirable period because your own family will employ all your talents in that way if you do not there will be a period likewise but not a natural one you understand me child I wept I have made inquiry already after a housekeeper I would have had your good Norton but I suppose you will yourself wish to have the worthy woman with you if you desire it that shall be agreed upon for you but why, dearest madame why am I the youngest to be precipitated into a state that I am very far from wishing to enter into with any body you are going to question me I suppose why your sister is not thought of for Mr.Somes I hope madame it will not displease you if I were I might refer you for an answer to your father Mr.Somes has reasons for preferring you and I have reasons madame for disliking him and why am I this quickness upon me interrupted my mother is not to be born I am gone and your father comes if I can do no good with you oh madame I would rather die than she put her hand to my mouth no peremptoriousness Clary Harlow once you declare yourself inflexible I have done I wept for vexation this is all my brother's doing his grasping views no reflections upon your brother he is entirely the honour of the family at heart I would no more dishonour my family madame than my brother would I believe it but I hope you will allow your father and me and your uncles to judge what you will do it honour what dishonour I then offer to live single never to marry at all if you mean to show your duty and your obedience clary you must show it in our way not in your own I hope madame that I have not behaved hitherto as to render such a trial of my obedience necessary yes clary I cannot but say that you have hitherto behaved extremely well but you have had no trials till now and I hope you will not fail in it parents preceded she when children are young are pleased with everything they do you have been a good child upon the whole but we have hitherto rather complied with you than you with us now that you have grown up to a marriageable years is the test especially as your grandfather has made you independent in reference to those who had prior expectations upon that estate madame my grandfather knew and expressly mentioned in his will his desire that my father will more than make it up to my sister I did nothing but what I thought my duty to procure his favour it was rather a mark of his affection than any advantage to me for do I either seek or wish to be independent were I to be the queen of the universe that dignity should not absolve me from my duty to you and to my father I would kneel for your blessings were it in the presence of millions so that I am loath to interrupt you clary though you could more than once break in upon me you are young and unbroken but with all this ostentation of your duty I desire to show you a little more deference to me when I am speaking I beg your pardon, dear madame and your patience with me on such an occasion as this if I did not speak with earnestness upon it I should be supposed to have only maidenly objections against a man I could never endure clary harlow dearest dearest madame permit me to speak what I have to say this once it is hard it is very hard to be forbidden to enter into the cause of all these misunderstandings because I must not speak disrespectfully of one who supposes me in the way of his ambition and treats me like a slave wither wither clary my dearest mamar my duty will not permit me so far to suppose my father arbitrarily as to make a plea of that arbitrariness to you how now clary oh girl your patience my dearest mamar you are pleased to say you would hear me with patience person in a man is nothing because I am supposed to be prudent so my eye is to be disgusted and my reason not convinced girl girl thus are my imputed good qualities to be made my punishment and I am to be wedded to a monster astonishing can this Clarissa be from you? the man madame person in mind is a monster in my eye and that I may be induced to bear this treatment I am to be complimented with being indifferent to all men yet at other times and to serve other purposes be thoughtful prepossessed in favour of a man against whose moral character rejections confined as if like the giddiest of creatures I would run away with this man and disgrace my whole family oh my dearest mamar who can be patient under such treatment now clary I suppose you will allow me to speak I think I have had patience indeed with you could I have thought but I will put all upon a short issue your mother Clarissa shall show you an example of that patience you so boldly claim from her without having any yourself oh my dear how my mother's condensation distressed me at that time infinitely more distressed me than rigor could have done but she knew she was to be sure aware that she was put upon a harsh upon an unreasonable surface let me say or she could not have had so much patience with me let me tell you then preceded she that all lies in a small compass as your father said you have been hitherto as you are pretty ready to plead a dutiful child you have indeed had no cause to be otherwise no child was ever more favoured whether you will discredit your past behaviour whether at a time and upon an occasion that the highest instance of duty is expected from you an instance that is to crown all and when you declare that your heart is free you will give that instance or whether having a view to the independence you may claim for so, Clarie whatever be your motive it will be judged and which any man you favour you against us all or rather for himself in spite of us whether, I say you will break with us all and stand in defiance of a jealous father needlessly jealous I will venture to say of the prerogatives of his sex as to me and still ten times more jealous of the authority of a father this is now the point with us you know your father has made it to a point and did he ever give up one he thought he had a right to carry too true thought I to myself and now my brother has engaged my father his fine scheme will walk alone without needing his leading strings and it has become my father's will that I oppose not my brother's grasping views I was silent to say the truth I was just then sullenly silent my heart was too big I thought it was hard to be thus given up by my mother and that she should make a will so uncontrollable as my brother's her will my mother's my dear though I must not say so was not obliged to marry against her liking my mother loved my father my silence availed me still less I see my dear said she was convinced now my good child now my clary do I love you it shall not be known that you have argued with me at all old shall be imputed to that modesty which has ever so much distinguished you you shall have the full merit of your resignation I wept she tenderly wiped the tears from my eyes and kissed my cheek your father expects you down with a cheerful countenance but I will excuse your going all your scruples you see have met with an indulgence truly maternal from me I rejoice in the hope that you are convinced this indeed seems to be a proof of the truth of your agreeable declaration that your heart is free did not this seem to border upon cruelty my dear in so indulgent a mother it would be wicked would it not to suppose my mother capable of art but she has put upon it and obliged to take methods to which her heart is naturally above stooping and all intended for my good because she sees that no arguing will be admitted anywhere else I will go down proceeded she and excuse your attendance at afternoon tea here for I know you will have some little reluctances to subdue I will allow you those and also some little natural shynesses and so you shall not come down if you choose not to come down only my dear do not disgrace my report when you come to supper and be sure behave as you used to do to your brother and sister for your behavior to them there will be one test of your cheerful obedience to us my advice is a friend you see rather than command as a mother so adieu my love and again she kissed me and was going oh my dear mamar said I forgive me but surely you cannot believe I can ever think of having that man she was very angry and seemed to be greatly disappointed she threatened to turn me over to my father and uncles she however bid me generously bid me consider what a handle I gave to my brother and sister if I thought they had views to serve by making my uncles dissatisfied with me I said she in a milder accent have early said all that I thought was a proposal on a supposition that you who have refused several other whom I owned to be preferable as to a person would not approve of it and could I have not succeeded you clary had never heard of it but if I could not how can you expect to prevail my great ends in the task I have undertaken are the preservation of the family peace so likely to be overturned to reinstate you in the affections of your father and uncles and to preserve you from a man of violence your father you must need to think will flame out upon your refusal to comply your uncles are so thoroughly convinced of the consistency of the measure with their favourite views of aggrandising the family that they are as much determined as your father your aunt Harvey and your uncle Harvey are of the same party and it is hard if a father and mother and uncles and aunt all conjoined cannot be allowed to direct your choice surely my dear proceeded she for I was silent all this time it cannot be that you are the more averse because the family views will be promoted by the match this I assure you is what everybody must think nor while the man so obnoxious to us all remains unmarried and buzzes about you will the strongest wish to live single be in the least regarded and well you know that were Mr. Lovelace an angel and your father had made it a point that you should not have him it would be in vain to dispute his will as to the prohibition laid upon you much as I will own against my liking that is owing to the belief that you corresponded by mishouse means with that man nor do I doubt that you did so I answered to every article in such a manner as I am sure she would have satisfied her could she have been permitted to judge for herself and I then invade with bitterness against the disgraceful prohibitions laid upon me they would serve to show me she was pleased to say how much in earnest they might be taken off whenever I thought fit and no harm done nor disgrace received but if I were to be consumatious I might thank myself for all that would follow I sighed I wept I was silent shall I, Clary, said she shall I tell your father that these prohibitions are as unnecessary as I hoped they would be that you know your duty and will not offer to controvert his will what say you, my love oh, madame what can I say to question so indulgently put I do indeed know my duty no creature in the world is more willing to practice it but pardon me, dearest madame if I say that I must bear these prohibitions if I am to pay so dear to have them taken off I am ined and perverse my dear mama called after me and after walking twice or thrice in anger about the room she turned to me your heart free, Clarissa how can you tell me your heart is free such extraordinary prepositions to a particular person must be owing to extraordinary prepositions in another's favour tell me, Clary and tell me truly do I continue to correspond with Mr. Lovelace? dearest madame, replied I you know my motives to prevent mischief I answered his letters the reasons for our apprehensions of this sort are not over I own to you, Clary although now I would not have known it that I once thought a little qualifying among such violent spirits was not amiss I did not know but all things would come around again by the mediation of Lord M and his two sisters but as they all three think proper to resent us for their nephew and as their nephew thinks fit to defy us all and as terms are offered on the other hand that could not be asked which will very probably prevent your grandfather's estate going out with the family and maybe a means to bring the continuance of your correspondence with him either can or ought to be permitted I therefore now forbid it to you as you value my favour be pleased madame only to advise me how to break it off with safety to my brother and uncles and it is all I wish for would to heaven the man so hated had not the pretense to make of having been too violently treated when he meant peace and conciliation it would always have been in my own power to have broke with him his reputed immoralities would have given me a just pretense at any time to do so but madame as my uncles and my brother will keep no measures as he has heard what the view is and his regard for me from resenting their violent treatment of him and his family what can I do make him desperate the law will protect us child offended magistracy will assert itself but madame may not some dreadful mischief first happen the law asserts not itself till it is offended you have made offers clary if you might be obliged to the point in question are you really an earnest were you to be complied with to break off all correspondence with Mr. Lovelace let me know this indeed I am and I will you madame shall see all the letters that have passed between us you shall see I have given him no encouragement independent of my duty and when you have seen them you will be better able to direct me how on the condition I have offered to break entirely with him I take you at your word Clarissa give me his letters and the copies of yours I am sure madame you will keep the knowledge that I write and what I write no conditions with your mother surely my prudence may be trusted to I beg to pardon and be sought her to take the key of the private drawer in my escure-toire where they lay that she herself shall see that I had no reserves to my mother she did and took all his letters and the copies of mine unconditioned with she was pleased to say they shall be yours again unseen by anybody else I thanked her and she withdrew to read them saying she would return them when she had you my dear have seen all the letters that passed the last return from you you have acknowledged that he has nothing to boast of them three others I have received since by the private conveyance I told you of the last I have not yet answered in these three as in those you have seen after having be sought my favour and in the most earnest manner professed the ardour of his passion for me and set forth the dignities done him the defiances my brother throws out against him in all companies the menaces and hostile appearance of my uncles wherever they go and the methods they take to defame him he declares that neither his own honour nor the honour of his family involved as that is in the undistinguishing reflection cast upon him for an unhappy affair which he would have shunned but could not be affirmed in dignities that as my inclinations if not favourable to him cannot be nor are to such a man as the newly introduced soams he is interested the more to resent my brother's behaviour who to everybody avows his ranker and malice and glories in the probability he has through the address of this soams himself on him that it is impossible he should not think himself concerned to frustrate a measure so directly levelled at him had he not a still higher motive for hoping to frustrate it that I must forgive him if he enter into conference with soams upon it he earnestly insists upon what he has so often proposed that I will give him leave in company with Lord Am to wait upon my uncles upon my father and he promises patience if new provocations absolutely beneath a man to bear be not given which by the way I am far from being able to engage for in my answer I absolutely declare as I tell him I have often done that he is to expect no favour from me against the approbation of my friends that I am sure their consents for his visiting any of them will never be obtained that I will not be either so undutiful or so indiscreet as to suffer my interests to be separated from the interests of my family for any man upon earth that I do not think myself obliged to him for the forbearance I desire one flaming spirit to have with others but in this desire I require nothing of him but what prudence, justice and the laws of his country require that if he has any expectations of favour from me on that account he deceives himself that I have no inclination as I have often told him to change my condition that I cannot allow myself to correspond with him any longer in this clandestine manner it is mean, low and fearful I tell him and has a giddy appearance which cannot be excused that therefore he is not to expect that I will continue it to this in his last among other things he replies that if I am actually determined to break off all correspondences with him he must conclude that it is with a view to become the wife of a man whom no woman of honour is tolerable and in that case I must excuse him for saying that he shall neither be able to bear the thoughts of losing for ever a person in whom all his present and all his future hopes are centred nor support himself with patience under the insolent triumphs of my brother upon it but that nevertheless he will not threaten either his own life or that of any other man he must take his resolutions and such a dreaded event shall impel him at the time if he shall know that it will have my consent he must endeavour to resign to his destiny but if he be bought about by compulsion he shall not be able to answer for the consequence I will send you these letters for your perusal in a few days I would enclose them but that it is possible something may happen which may make my mother leave them when you see them you will observe how he endeavours to hold me to his correspondence in about an hour my mother returned take your letters Clary I have nothing she was pleased to say to tax your discretion with as to the wording of yours to him you have even kept a proper dignity as well as observed all the rules of decorum you have resented as you ought to resent his menacing invectives in a word I see not that he can form the least expectations from what you have written that you will encourage the passion he avows for you but does he not avow his passion have you the least doubt about what must be the issue of this correspondence if continued and you yourself think of one side and he declared defiances of the other that this can be that it ought to be a match by no means it can madame you will be pleased to observe that I have said as much to him but now madame that the whole correspondence is before you I beg your commands what to do in a situation so very disagreeable one thing I will tell you Clary but I charge you would not have me question the generosity of your spirit to take no advantage of it either mentally or verbally but I am so much pleased with the offer of your keys to me made in so cheerful and unreserved a manner and in the prudence you have shown in your letters that were it practable to bring everyone or your father only into my opinion I should readily leave all the rest your discretion reserving only to myself and to the conclusion of your future letters and to see that you broke off the correspondence as soon as possible but as it is not and as I know your father would have no patience with you should it be acknowledged that you correspond with Mr. Lovelace or that you have corresponded with him since the time he prohibited you to do so I forbid you to continue such a liberty yet as the case is difficult let me ask you what you yourself can propose your heart you say is free your own that you cannot think as matters circumcised that are matched with a man so obnoxious as he is to us all is proper to be thought of what do you propose to do what Clary are your own thoughts of the matter without hesitation thus I answered what I really propose is this that I will write to Mr. Lovelace for I have not yet answered his last that he has nothing to do between my father and me that I neither ask his advice nor need it but that since he thinks he has some pretence or interfering because my brother's a vowel of the interest of Mr. Soames in displeasure to him I will assure him the reason to impute the assurances to be at least favourable to himself that I will never be that man's and if preceded I I may never be permitted to give him this assurance and Mr. Soames in consequence of it be discouraged from prosecuting his address let Mr. Lovelace be satisfied or dissatisfied I will go no farther nor write another line to him nor ever see him more if I can avoid it and I shall have a good excuse for it without bringing in any of my family ah my love but what shall we do about the terms Mr. Soames offers those are the inducements with everybody he has even given hope to your brother that he will make exchanges of estates or at least that he will purchase the northern one for you know it must be entirely consistent with the family views that we increase our interest in this country your brother in short has given a plan that captivates us all and a family so rich in all its branches and that has its views to honour must be pleased to see a very great probability of taking rank one day among the principal in the kingdom and for the sake of these views for the sake of this plan of my brothers am I madame to be given in marriage to a man I can never endure oh my dear mamar save me save me if you can from this heavy evil I'd rather be buried alive indeed I had than have that man she chide me for my vehemence but was so good as to tell me that she would sound my uncle Harlow as then below and if he courage her or would engage to second her she would venture to talk to my father herself and I should hear further in the morning she went down to tea and kindly undertook to excuse my attendance at supper but is it not a sad thing I repeat to be obliged to stand in opposition to the will of such a mother why as I often say to myself why such a man as this soams fixed upon the only man in the world surely but could offer so much and deserve so little little indeed does he deserve why my dear the man has the most indifferent of characters every mouth is open against him for his sordid ways a foolish man to be so base minded when the difference between the obtaining of a frame for generosity and incurring the censure of being a miser will not prudently managed cost fifty thousand pounds a year what a name have you got at a less expense and what an opportunity had he of obtaining credit at a very small one succeeding such a wretched creature as Sir Oliver in fortune so vast yet has he so behaved that the common phrase is applied to him that Sir Oliver will never be dead while Mr. Soames lives the world as I have often thought ill-natured as it is said to be is generally more just in characters speaking by what it feels than is usually apprehended and those who complain most of its censureousness perhaps should look inwardly for the occasion oftener than they do my heart is a little at ease on the hopes that my mother will be able to procure favour for me and a deliverance from this man and so I have leisure to moralise but if I had not I should not forbear to intermingle occasionally these sorts of remarks because you'll command me never to admit them when they occur to my mind and not to be able to make them even in a more affecting situation when one sits down to write would show oneself more engaged to self and to one's own concerns than attentive to the wishes of a friend if it be said that it is natural so to be what makes that nature on occasions where a friend may be obliged or reminded of a price of information which writing down oneself may be the better for but a fault which you would never set a person above nature to some due end of letter seventeen letter eighteen of Clarissa volume one this is a LibriVox recording or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Ben Dutton Clarissa Harlow or the History of a Young Lady volume one by Samuel Richardson letter eighteen Miss Clarissa Harlow to Miss Howe Saturday March the 4th would you not have thought something might have been obtained in my favor from an offer so reasonable from expedient so proper to put a tolerable end as from myself to a correspondence I hardly know how otherwise with safety to some of my family to get rid of but my brother's plan which my mother spoke of and of which I have in vain endeavored to procure a copy with a design to take it to pieces and expose it as I question not there is room to do joined with my father's impatience of contradiction I have not been in bed all night nor am I in the least drowsy expectation and hope and doubt and an easy state kept me sufficiently wakeful I slept down at my usual time that it might not be known I had not been in bed and gave directions in the family way about eight o'clock Shory came to me from my mother with orders to attend her in her chamber my mother had been weeping I saw by her eyes but her aspect seemed to be less tender and less affectionate than the day before and this as soon as I entered into her presence struck me with an awe which gave a great damp to my spirits sit down Clary Harlow I shall talk to you by and by and continued looking into a draw among laces and linens in a way neither busy I believe it was a quarter of an hour before she spoke to me my heart throbbing with the suspense all the time and then she asked me coldly what directions I had given for the day I showed her the bill of fare for this day and tomorrow if I said it pleased her to approve of it she made a small alteration in it but with an air so cold and so solemn as added to my emotions I saw talks of dining out today I think at my brother's Anthony's Mr. Harlow not my father have I not then a father thought I sit down when I bid you I sat down you look very sullen Clary I hope not madame if children would always be children parents and there she stopped she then went to a toilet and looked into the glass and gave half a sigh the other half as if she would not have sighed if she could have helped it she gently hemmed away I don't love to see the girl look so sullen indeed madame I am not sullen and I arose and turning from her drew out my handkerchief for the tears ran down my cheeks I thought by the glass before me I saw the mother in her softened eye cast toward me but her words confirmed not the hoped for tenderness one of the most provoking things in this world is to have people cry for what they can help I wished heaven I could madame and I sobbed again tears of penitence and sobs of perverseness are mighty well suited you may go up to your chamber I shall talk with you by and by I curtsied with reverence mock me not with outward gestures of respect the heart, clary, is what I want indeed madame you have it it is not so much mine as my mamma's fine talking as somebody says if words were to pass for duty Clarissa Harlow would be the dutifulist child of breathing God bless that somebody be at whom it will God bless that somebody and I curtsied and pursuant to her last command was going she seemed struck but was to be angry with me so turning from me she spoke with quickness with her now, Clarie Harlow you commanded me madame to go to my chamber I see you are very ready to go out of my presence is your compliance the effect of silliness or obedience you are very ready to leave me I could hold no longer but through myself at her feet oh my dearest mamma let me know all I am to suffer let me know what I am to be I will bear it if I can bear it but your displeasure I cannot bear leave me, leave me, Clarie Harlow no kneeling, limbs so supple will so stubborn rise I tell you I cannot rise I will disobey my mamma when she bids me leave her without being reconciled to me no sullence my mamma no perverseness but worse than either this is the direct disobedience yet tear not yourself from me wrapping my arms about her as I kneeled she struggling to get from me my face lifted up to hers with eyes running over that spoke not my heart if they were not all humility and reverence you must not must not tear yourself from me for the still the dear lady struggled and looked this way and that all in a sweet disorder as if she knew not what to do I will neither rise nor leave you nor let you go here you are not angry with me oh, however moving child of my heart folding her dear arms about my neck as mine embraced her knees why was this task but leave me you have discomposed me beyond expression leave me my dear I won't be angry with you if I can help it if you'll be good I arose trembling and hardly knowing what I did or how I stood or walked through to my chamber my Hannah followed me as soon as she heard me quit my mother's presence and with salts and spring water just kept me from fainting and that was as much as she could do it was near two hours before I could so far recover myself as to take up my pen to write to you how unhappily my hopes have ended my mother went down to breakfast I was not fit to appear but if I had been better I suppose I should not have been sent for since the permission for my attending her down was given by my father when in my chamber only on condition that she found me worthy of the name of daughter that I doubt I shall never be in his opinion if he not be bought to change his mind as to this Mr. Soames End of letter 18 letter 19 of Clarissa volume 1 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Ben Dutton Lampeter Wales Clarissa Harlow or the history of a young lady volume 1 by Samuel Richardson letter 19 Miss Clarissa Harlow to Miss Howe in answer to letter 15 Saturday March 4th 12 o'clock Hannah has just now bought me from the usual place your favourite of yesterday the contents of it have made me very thoughtful and you will have an answer in my gravest style I do have that Mr. Soames no indeed I will sooner but I will write first to those passages in your letter which are less concerning that I may touch upon this part with more patience as to what you mention of my sister's value for Mr. Lovelace I am not very much surprised at it she takes such a vicious pains and it is so much her subject to have it thought that she never did and never could like him that she gives but too much room to suspect that she does she never tells the story of their parting and of her refusal of him but her colour rises she looks with disdain upon me and mingles anger with the air she gives herself anger as well as airs demonstrating that she refused a man whom she thought worth accepting where else is the reason for your boast poor Bella she is to be pitied she cannot either like or dislike with temper would to heaven she had been mistress of her wishes would to heaven she had as to what you say of my giving up to my father's control the estate devised me my motives at the time as you acknowledge were not blameable your advice to me on the subject as I remember on your good opinion of me believing that I should not make a bad use of the power willed me neither you nor I my dear although now you assume the air of a diviner pardon me could have believed that would have happened which has happened as to my father's part particularly you were indeed jealous of my brother's views against me or rather of his predominant love of himself but I did not think so hardy of my brother and sister as you always did you never loved them and ill will has eyes ever open to the family side as good will or love is blind even to real imperfections I will briefly recollect my motives I found jealousies and an easiness rising in every breast where all before was unity and love the honoured testator was reflected upon a second childhood was attributed to him and I was censured as having taken advantage of it all young creatures thought I more or less covet independency but those who wish most for it are seldom the fittest to be trusted either with the government of themselves or with power over others this is certainly a very high and unusual device to so young a creature we should not aim at all we have power to do so to take all that good nature or indulgence or good opinion confers shows a want of moderation and a graspingness that is unworthy of that indulgence and a bad indications of the use that may be made of the power bequeathed it is true thought I that I have formed agreeable schemes of making others as happy as myself by the proper discharge of the stewardship entrusted to me are not all estates stewardship my dear but let me examine myself is not vanity or secret love of praise a principal motive with which at the bottom ought I not to suspect my own heart if I set up for myself puffed up with everyone's good opinion may I not be left to myself everyone's eyes are upon the conduct may I not be left to myself everyone's eyes are upon the conduct upon the visits upon the visitors of a young creature of our sex made independent and are not such subjected more than any others to the attempts of enterprises and fortune seekers of should I take a wrong step though with ever so good an intention how many should I have to triumph over me how few to pity me the more of the one and the fewer of the other for having aimed at excelling these were some of my reflections at the time and I have no doubt but that in the same situation I should do the very same thing and that upon the maturist deliberation who can command or foresee events to act up to our best judgments at the time is all we can do if I have erred it is to worldly wisdom only that I have erred if we suffer by an act of duty or even by an act of generosity is it not pleasurable on reflection that the fault is in others rather than in ourselves I much rather have reason to think others unkind than that they should have any to think me undutiful and so my dear I am sure had you and now for the most concerning part of your letter you think I most of necessity as matters of circumstance be Somes' wife I will not be very rash my dear in protesting to the contrary but I think it never can and what is still more never ought to be my temper I know is depended upon but I have here to foresaid that I have had something in me of my father's family as well of my mother's and have I any encouragement to follow to implicitly the example which my mother sets of meekness and resignigness to the wills of others is she not for ever obliged as she was pleased to hint to me to be of the forbearing side in my mother's case your observation I must own is verified that those who will bear much have much to bear what is it as she says that she has not sacrifice to peace yet as she by her sacrifices always found the peace she has deserved to find indeed no I am afraid on the contrary and often and often have I had reason on her account to reflect that we poor mortals by our over solicitude to preserve and disturb the qualities we are constitutionally fond of frequently lose the benefits we propose to ourselves from them since the designing and encroaching finding out what we most fear to forfeit direct their batteries against the weaker places and making an artillery if I may phrase it of our hopes and fears play upon us at their pleasure steadiness of mind a quality which the ill-bred and censurious deny to any of our sex when we are absolutely convinced of being in the right otherwise it is not steadiness but obstinacy and when it is exerted in material cases is a quality to say brings great credit to the possessor of it at the same time that it's usually when tried and known raises such above the attempts of the meanly machinating he used therefore to inculcate upon me this steadiness upon laudable convictions and why may I not think that I am now put upon a proper exercise of it I said above that I never can be Mrs. Soames I repeat that I ought not for surely my dear I should not give up to my brother's ambition the happiness of my future life surely I ought not to be the instrument of depriving Mr. Soames's relations of their natural rights and reversionary prospects for which the sake of further and grandising a family although that I am of which already lives in great affluence and which might be as justly dissatisfied were all that some of it aim at to be obtained that they were not princes as now they are not peers for whenever was an ambitious mind as you observe in the case of Averis satisfied by acquisition the less surely ought I to give into these grasping views of my brother as I myself heartily despise the end aimed at I wish not either to change my state or better my fortunes and as I am fully persuaded that happiness and riches are two things and very seldom meet together yet I dread I exceedingly dread the conflicts I know I must encounter with it is possible that I may be more unhappy from the due observation of the good doctor's general precept than were I to yield the point is deemed stubbornness obstinacy prepossession by those who have a right to put what interpretation they please upon my conduct so my dear were we perfect which no one can be we could not be happy in this life unless those with whom we have to deal those more especially who have any control upon us were governed by the same principles but then does not the good we have nothing to do but to choose what is right to be steady in the pursuit of it and to leave the issue to providence this if you approve of my motives and if you don't pray in for me must be my aim in the present case but what then can I plead for appallation to myself of my mother's sufferings on my account perhaps the consideration that her difficulties cannot last long only till this great struggle shall be one way or other determined whereas my unhappiness if I comply will from a version not to be overcome be for life to which let me add that as I have reason to think that the present measures are not entered upon with their own natural liking she will have the less pain in my heart they ought to want I have run a great length in a very little time the subject touched me to the quick my reflections upon it will give you reason to expect from me a perhaps too steady behaviour in a new conference which I find I must have with my mother my father and brother as she was pleased to tell me dine at my uncle Anthony's and that as I have reason to believe on purpose to give an opportunity for it Hannah informs me that she heard my father high and angry with my mother at taking leave of her I suppose for being too favourable to me for Hannah heard her say as in tears indeed Mr. Harlow you greatly distress me the poor girl does not deserve Hannah heard no more she said he would break somebody's heart mine I suppose not my mother's I hope as only my sister dines with my mother I thought I should have been commanded down but she sent me up a plate from her table I continued my writing I could not touch a morsel I ordered Hannah however to eat of it that I might not be thought sullen before I conclude this I will see whether anything offers from either of my private correspondences that will make it proper to add to it and will take a turn in the woodyard and garden for that purpose I am stopped Hannah shall deposit this she was ordered by my mother who asked where I was to tell me that she would come up and talk with me in my own closet she is coming adieu my dear end of letter 19