 So recently I was having a conversation with a group of men in my men's group who are all in a significant relationship. In fact, there was eight men that partaked in this group coaching, group therapy, men's retreat type of thing that I just had. And as I shared a moment ago, they're all in relationship. And I found it interesting having a conversation about relationships with men, even though the workshop was about something different. And there seemed to be a fundamental theme about each men and the relationship they're in that I think it's important to spend a few minutes addressing. So you can start to begin to tell the difference between the men who are serious about a relationship and the men who are really into you versus the men that may just be what we'll say are what I call spenders. And these are men who will spend time with you without ever really making a commitment. Now most of you know my work. I say that there's three types of active daters out there. There's the there's the people that have clinical issues or kind of incapable of being in a relationship. And then there's those men who are what I call grower and builders. They genuinely want to be in a significant relationship. And each of the two bookends are roughly about 20% of the male population. And about 60% of men and women are what I call spenders. These are people that want companionship. They want connection. They want sex or something physical. And yet they're incapable of actually entering into a significant relationship for a variety of different reasons. Maybe they have fear. Maybe they've been wounded in the past. Maybe they have a habit of sabotaging relationships. Maybe they have poor emotional maturity. Maybe they have terrible relationship skills. Whatever the reason is, these are people that will spend your time but not actually go the distance. So the theme I noticed within all of these men, it's centered us around this one thing that I think is critically important to understand if you want, as I talk about, a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship, a fully committed relationship. And this one thing is the desire to actually want to take care of this person. That's right, take care of this person. Now, I don't necessarily mean take care of in a financial sense, although that is part of the equation when you're in a fully committed relationship, especially if you choose marriage as your ultimate goal. But even if you're not married, isn't part of the equation of being in a relationship is to say, hey, if you're having a tough time, I'm gonna be there for you. If you're struggling, I'm gonna be there for you. If you're sick, I'm gonna be there for you. Meaning, ultimately, when a man or woman, when a man and woman both reach that space of saying, I am willing to take care of you during the tough times, that's a real sign of a person who is genuinely all in and they want to be in a committed relationship. Those of you know me, that I'm in a significant relationship with my sweetheart, Marie. There's a picture of her right there. And I can honestly say, and we live together, I can honestly say what is different with her than any other relationship I had after my divorce was, this is a person I'd want to take care of. Like, I really feel that in my bones. And that space doesn't come lightly, you know, especially if men have gone through a contentious divorce, if men have had a relationship where they felt hurt, used or betrayed. And by the way, men can be betrayed and used just like women can. This isn't singular to one gender. Okay. So, so wanting to take care of someone really establishes this idea that look at this person means something to me. I want to go the distance with this person. And while this doesn't happen overnight, if a man doesn't reach that threshold of saying, I want to take care of someone, then it's going to be very challenging to actually have this relationship go the distance because ultimately if you want to have a relationship that goes the distance, you have to both be in that space of wanting to do that. So today I want to share what it might look like to, to kind of get assigned to get some clues. These are some of the clues. I think I probably planted the seeds along the way in my relationship and not consciously per se, but certainly I did all the things I'm about to share with you right now that demonstrates that a man is serious, that he's into you, that he might want to go the distance. That he thinks about you all the time. Now really quickly, let me differentiate between emotionally healthy men and emotionally unhealthy men. So let's be clear about something. There's a big difference between men who are emotionally healthy versus that are emotionally unhealthy, emotionally unhealthy men. They are struggling. They, the first and foremost, typically men that are going through a contentious aspect in their life, maybe a divorce, maybe job challenges, maybe health issues, the ground underneath that man might not feel solid. So I just want to share with you that there's a big difference between a man who's emotionally healthy, which is what I'm about to describe today versus those dysfunctional men who are probably incapable of going deeper into a relationship. By the way, really quickly, I'm going to leave the camera for a moment. I have a yellow or orange light on that looks just a little too bright. And I think it's affecting the look of me on the camera. So I just took out the orange light. So I'm going to share with you the five signs a man thinks about you a lot and wants something serious. Here's my notes. Let's jump into that. So number one, he wants to share everything with you, his hopes, his dreams, his future. And I also wrote down, beware of the men who seek therapy. So I want to differentiate between someone who is in a good place in their life and they're sharing with you their hopes, their dreams, their future versus a lot of men who actually attach themselves to women as because men crave feminine energy. Men crave feminine, but I say feminine energy. I just mean female company, partially because women can be good listeners. And more importantly, if a man is going through contentious things in his life, he may gravitate towards a woman for being able to bear his soul because he can't do this with other men. I'm sure you've experienced this before. You've been with men who have just dumped on you. They basically used you as a therapist. And I don't mean this in a disingenuous way. I simply mean that they're not in a good place in their life and it may seem like they're being vulnerable, authentic and transparent, which they are, but it doesn't matter if all they're doing is sharing their problems versus their hopes, their dreams, their future. And again, with emotionally healthy men. One of the things I do in my private coaching, by the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call and there's a link in the description below. My goal as a coach is to teach women really help them gain clarity on who's really compatible with them. And more importantly, how to ask the right questions to determine if he's emotionally mature enough to be in relationship with you and if he's a good fit. So schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. So part of your job is to be a good detective and differentiate between the men who are wounded. And by the way, there's a lot of men who are wounded, just like there's a lot of women are wounded out there. And we can get attached to someone who's incapable of actually leaning into a relationship. But if a man is in a good place in his life, he shares his hopes, his dreams and his futures with future with you. That's a good sign. Number two, he cancels things to be with you or blocks it on his calendar. Beware of needy man guys who put you up on a pedestal. So I want to differentiate between a guy who who actually gives you his time. I, sweetheart, shared this with me the other day when we did a video. She was talking about a man who gives you time versus making time. I think a person who gives you their time comes from a generous place. Sometimes a person who makes time for you does from a sacrificing kind of place. But I'm really talking about those who block time out on their calendar. They're giving you their time and that's a great sign. Now, you might be going, well, Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship and we don't see each other that often. Folks, I understand many of you are attached to a relationship where you're spending most of your time on these devices and not actually face to face time. And the reality is, is it takes about 100 hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust. And then to build the next layer of trust takes 200 hours of face to face time. So if you're not spending regular time together, it's going to be difficult to build the deep roots of trust that I talk about in my private coaching because without these deep roots of trust, as I said before, you're going to find yourself in a relationship with a person who's incapable of actually going the distance. So when a man is giving of his time, that's a great sign. He thinks about you and I don't mean giving you time via the telephone or text messaging, OK, face to face time. Number three, he checks in with you regularly to hear about your day. Beware of guys who do this from a jealous place. A lot of men and women need constant validation. They need constant reassurance. They're coming from an insecure place. People who come from this desperate need of constant validation and reassurance oftentimes make difficult partners to be with in the long run. You should be checking in with a partner first off, out of a sense of care, out of the sense of care, you check in as a way to demonstrate trust, as a way to demonstrate that you're a safe place to be as you check in with each other. And it isn't singular. In other words, it isn't the guy always doing the work back. Many of you know, I was in I was in a long distance relationship. We now live together. There's my sweetheart again. You know, she did because she lived in Chicago. She lived two hours ahead of me. She always sent me the morning text to say good mornings, handsome or good morning, sweetheart. And oftentimes I was up early anyway and I responded very quickly. But it wasn't singular. It wasn't me doing it. But we all we took turns reaching out to each other. That demonstrates a mutual level of care when you're both regularly checking in with one another. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. By the way, if it is, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new to watching. All right. Number four, he's thinking about all the future things to do together. Beware of the early love bomber who says it but doesn't do it. Look for, in other words, there's a big difference between someone who's genuinely looking up flights on an airplane for a trip or looking up hotels versus someone who promises you the moon in the first. Listen, before a man has sex, you literally have to discount everything he says. OK, so discount that early planning the future versus really pay attention for the guy when you have make love together after you have sex together. Is he actively planning things to do with you? This is why it might be more prudent to wait a little bit longer before you're physically intimate with a total stranger just to determine if they're legit or not. People are in it for the short run, barely last three dates. People are in the long run. They don't mind taking their time to get to know you. Before you're physically intimate with them and they're genuinely making real time to get to know you from a heart-centered friendship place and not an eager place to have sex with you. And these men who genuinely want you in their life, they're thinking about you. They're thinking about the next trip, thinking about inviting you to meet their friends. They're thinking about inviting you to meet family. They're thinking about the things they'd like to do with you and they make plans to make that happen. And fifth, and the last one that we're going to share with you today. He requests exclusivity and monogamy early and clearly states his desire for a committed relationship. That's right. He states his request for monogamy, exclusivity and a desire to be in a committed relationship with you. Now, be careful of the men who force that on you when they barely know you the first, second or third date. I'll share with you what I did. With my relationship, I said, listen, when I'm physically intimate with someone on a regular basis, I like to be monogamous and exclusive. How do you operate? OK, and we both agreed that's how we operated. And when we agreed that we were going to explore a fully committed relationship with each other, that's when we made a commitment to one another. We recited my dating vows to one another. And if you're not familiar with my dating vows, I want to share this with you. By the way, let me share this with you. The dating vows goes like, by the way, in the description below, there's a copy of this. Have you ever heard the saying women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? Men are the ones who typically are the ones who who make the women tend to want commitment more than men. So men tend to be the gatekeepers of commitment. But what the dating vow is an agreement with one another. And it goes like this. You both share it with one another. You say, I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree to not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down our dating profiles. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. And I agree to vest regular time in the process of getting to know you which looks like spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. Now, here's the thing. Ninety percent of men will bail on this because there's thousands of women who love sex without any commitment or agreement whatsoever. Here's the thing. If all women band together and use the dating vows, I think you'd weed out a lot of guys that are in it for the short run. And so again, in the description below is my dating vows. So just to repeat those five things a man thinks about when he wants something serious with you. He wants to share his life with you, his hopes, his dreams, his future. Number two, he cancels things to be with you or he blocks time on your count. In other words, he gives you his time. He checks in with you on a regular basis to see how you're doing. He thinks about the future things that you can all the future things you guys can do together. And lastly, he requests exclusivity and monogamy with you. That's a great sign. He's thinking about you and wants something serious. All right. I think this would be a great place to start with our Q&A. Those who know my format know if you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. If you're live right now, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. It's my son who passed away a few years ago and his honor. We started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute, just to name a few. And if you're watching the replay, please purchase the Super Thanks. OK, let's jump in and check out what the questions we have. So again, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Peach writes, what can I tell a guy when he asked me, why have I been single for a long time? Great question. You know, when someone when someone asks the question, why have you been a single a long time? It's sometimes because they see something special in you and kind of wonder why you may not be taken. And I think today it's this is actually an easy thing to share right now because you say something like this, dating has been a big challenge. I've met a lot of flaky people. And so I am actually seeking a partner who wants something fully committed, that wants something emotionally healthy, that someone that wants genuine intimacy with me. And quite frankly, I've noticed that there are a lot of flaky people in the dating marketplace and I'm not going to settle on a body just to have someone to have company with. So while my standards may not be ridiculously high, I have a standard of being with someone who's on the same page with me, someone who's in alignment with me, someone where we're mutually attracted to one another, and that's the reason why. Is this sinking in? I hope it is. I want to thank Peach Rose for that question. Thank you so much. All right. Kaya writes, question. When a guy says sky is the limit for boundaries, what does that mean? You know, I'm not really sure what that means to some guy. With that one, it could mean a hundred different things. Sky is the limit. A lot of times people might share that when it's like you're buying dinner and that they might simply say, the sky is the limit. Get whatever you want. I don't know what context he meant it for boundaries. So I don't really have a good answer for that one. But thank you for asking, Kaya. Gina writes, question. Jonathan, I finally joined Match and met the most wonderful man. I'm with him almost a year and have not met his children yet. He's not ready. How long do I wait to ask him again? You know, that's not a good sign that you have not met his children. Now, I know this is a touchy subject, but my guess is, is he doesn't see in this moment in time, he doesn't see you as a future partner at this moment in time, because if a man saw you as a future partner, they would want to integrate you with their children. So my guess is this is a man who has some wounds from his past experiences, and he also might be a man who's not very clear as to what he wants. So he's getting the benefit of companionship, connection and sex with you without any real commitment. So he gets all the, you know, the saying, I get the cow with the milk for free. The what is that expression? Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? On some level, that's what's happening. What I'd want to know is not about meeting his children. I'd really like to know what does commitment look like for him? And more importantly, I'd ask you, what do you want in the form of a relationship? What what does a relationship look like for you? What does commitment look like for you? And find out quickly if the two of you are on the same page. Folks, many of you know my my my rhetoric, I say the following. Hold on one second. Before the penis goes inside the vagina, read the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Folks, this is a deep dive into helping assist intimacy between two people to know if you're on the same page. Why do you want to invest in a person who's not on the same page with you only to find yourself to be single again? So in this particular case, I would really, instead of like, when am I going to meet your kids? I'm like, where is this relationship going? I could I could bet with 80 percent certainty he's going to be a deer in a headlights and he says he needs more time. Look at a guy who's an emotionally healthy place. It takes about a year. I mean, it could take up to a year to know whether or not you're really genuinely serious about a person. Let me just say this, emotionally healthy men, if you're not the one, they would have ended it with you way sooner. OK, emotionally, and if he knows you're not the one, he would have ended it way sooner. Guys who drag things out is because they have usually no clue what they want and they're going to use up your time and at your expense. So that's my two cents on that one. All right. Gina says, I love seeing your pictures with Marie on social media. You both look so happy. Thank you so much. Christina writes, question. If a man doesn't agree to the vows, do you give him a chance or move on? Well, listen, if he doesn't agree to the vows, that's OK. You don't get my vagina until you do. You know what, if a man, let's think about this for a moment. These days used to be when a when a boy courted a girl, he'd have to meet the family. OK, sometimes that family had a big brother. OK, that big brother sometimes owned a shotgun. OK, and that shotgun basically was kind of the implication was, look, what are your intentions with my little sister? Or sometimes you'd meet the parent, the father. What is your intentions with my daughter? See, men had a consequence if they were fucking around, if they were in it for the short run, if they were being abusive or whatnot. There was a consequence because there were other people being protective of their daughter. That's why I always say, I'm your big brother. If I could be there with the shotgun on a first date, I'd point at a guy's face. In fact, I will share with you as a dating relationship coach, one of my job duties now is when I have a client who needs help in the relationship that they're with. I contact the boyfriend and have that big brother man to man conversation is like, what is your intentions? Now, I'm not physically going to take a shotgun and hurt the guy. But the point is, is there's a level. See, here's the thing, a lot of women didn't have really good role models for parents or worse. They don't have a solid male influence in their life to be protective of them. And I don't mean this from a woman who's who is helpless, but I mean to say is in the romantic sense. OK, let me pause for a second. I'm going to go off on a tangent. I've been watching a reality show called Indian Matchmaker. And one of the things I like about the show is you literally have to sit at the table with the father and get permission to marry the daughter. Well, you know, we if we could go back to that kind of premise, we'd have let then the dating vows would actually have more merit. So you have to be your own protector when I can't be there for you. So if a guy doesn't agree to it, which 90 percent won't. Then it really has to beg the question. How serious is he about you? Because he's sure serious about getting into your vagina. But how serious is he as a person? And by the way, many of my clients who've adopted reading the book, eight dates or sharing the dating vows with the men who are genuinely more serious and intentional, they actually appreciate this conversation. So anyway, I don't know if I answer your question, Christina, but that's my two cents on that one. Blinky writes question. My boyfriend openly admitted he would lie to avoid an argument that says I don't trust him, but says I don't trust him. What should I do? You know, when there was a time when I used to say it is easier to get forgiveness than permission. What that meant to say is a white lie. You know, it's interesting. I'm in a relationship with a woman and she basically says, never ask me a question that you don't want the answer to because she's going to tell me the truth. I think at the end of the day, someone who says they're going to lie to and avoid an argument is someone who has terrible conflict resolution skills. Coming back to the book, eight dates, I just want you to know something. Chapter two, agree to disagree, agree, addressing conflict. If someone lies as their conflict resolution skills, they're not emotionally mature enough to be in a significant relationship because relationships are riddled with conflict. And if they're going to lie to see the idea of avoid an argument, it's that they're avoiding the reality of what needs to be addressed. And I would dump that guy in a second. Anyway, that's my two cents on that one. Hey, Pamela. Question. The man I've been texting with has done four of the five things. I'm confident he will agree to the dating vows. How can I be sure he's just not doing it in hopes to lead sex? First off, takes about a hundred hours of face to face time to really adapt, establish the first layer of trust. Texting is the weakest form of communication. I'm going to repeat that's the weakest form of communication. I want you to think of this, folks, I want you to Google the following. Ninety percent of communication is nonverbal. What that means to say is most of communication is in the presence. It's your pheromones, it's your hand movements, it's your facial gestures. Texting is the weakest form of communication. And a person can say whatever they want via text message. So I highly doubt that four of the five things were have are genuinely established. And quite frankly, of the five things I mentioned, this is after this is really once you've decided to explore a real relationship together after you've invested somewhere between three and ten dates with one another. So. Ultimately, until you're face to face, you know, very little about the person and it takes time to get to know a person. And that's my two cents on that panel. Thank you so much. Miss Chin, question. What are what are the safe or recommended online sources to find a partner? Mail over 75 years of age. You know, I'm still I listen, I met my beloved on match.com. She was also on millionaire match. I think J date, OK, Cupid. Just to name a few. You know, the senior singles, that sort of thing. Also, Bumble and Bumble's and hinge is another source. The reality is is roughly 50 percent of all new relationships for people over 45 years old is happening through an online connection. And I believe that number is going to be 75 percent by the time 10 years from now. 75 percent of singles are going to meet through an online connection, maybe even higher shoot. I might do all the work for us in the future. So we need to learn how to be better prospectors. This is why my whole coaching program, by the way, there's a link below to get a discovery call with me. My whole coaching program is designed to help you to become better prospectors. This I hate to say it's a sale. It's a it's a it's a lead. Online dating is a lead generating source. So the leads are kind of coming to you. Your job is to sift through the leads. And it's very hard to sift through emotional maturity if you haven't learned the skills on how to decipher emotional maturity. And that's where I come in as a coach. OK. And if you can't afford a coaching, check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery, but certainly schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right. Pamela says, my girlfriend found a wonderful man on silver singles. Stay away from Zeus. They are freaks. I've kind of heard that too. Miss Prince says, John, I love how you give raw and plain truth. Thank you so much. Pamela writes question. I've been divorced two years and my ex is wanting to talk and spend time with me because he's lonely with no companionship. Just now gaining confidence and worry about this may be energy suck. You didn't have a question. Oh, and then the question is how to manage the potential energy suck? Who was the there's a video out there? Do me a favor, go to YouTube. As soon as we wrap up this video, type in energy vampires. Someone type in energy vampires. There are a number of great videos. I can't remember who's the who is the therapist who did a video with Dr. Sherry Myers, Judith Orloff, Judith Orloff. Judith Orloff had a video with Dr. Sherry Myers, see if you can find that on YouTube about energy vampires or you can call them energy drainers, that's what I would do. All right, good luck with that one. Thank you so much. Christina says you did answer plus some good chuckles. Thank you so much. All right, let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming. Elena writes, Elena, how soon is too soon to discuss past traumas, past relationship traumas? Most importantly, reason marriage did not work out. Childhood traumas and or any other types of traumas. So when my girlfriend and I decide to explore the idea of exploring a relationship together, we laid our cards on the table very early on. What does laying our cards on the table look like? First off, it's sharing our past relationships and how we felt why it didn't work out, not from a place of throwing the other person under the bus, but coming from a place of what could we have done differently and what maybe our own red flag or our deficiencies in those relationships, number one. We talked about our current dating experiences. We talked about our desires, our standards. What I mean to say is what we are officially looking for by laying your cards on the table sooner rather than later, you avoid getting attached to the wrong person because if a person isn't a good fit for you for a number of different reasons, then why invest in the chemical bandwagon? Why allow that penis into the vagina only to find yourself getting attached to the wrong person? I'm a big proponent of doing it sooner rather than later. And let me just share this. We've all have traumas in our past relationships. What you have to be careful is avoid bonding with another person through your trauma. Oftentimes when two people come after an ending of a relationship, they're in a state of trauma and they meet and they join, they bond in that trauma. It's a very weak foundation to build a relationship that begins by sharing each other's traumas without sharing how you're going to heal from those traumas. And let me just tell you something. I'm going to get, guess, 80% of singles out there over 45 years old are riddled with traumas that have gone unhealed. And guess what? We're swimming in a pool of dysfunctionality. All right. Thank you for your question. I appreciate it. Lisks writes, question. The man I'm interested in is a widower. He has been more friendly and trusting with me lately, but he still has his prom picture with his wife on his phone, not ready to move on, right? No. You know, why do we have to make that such a big deal? You know, this is a person that had a significant, OK, what if it wasn't his wife, but it was his child and it was a picture of his child on his phone? Would you judge that? This is a person who was in love with someone and cared for this person. What's wrong with them having a picture of that person to remind them of good times? Maybe they might be the mother of his children. You know, does that know could it mean has he moved on? Well, that's hard to say. But I, you know, every Mother's Day, I always do a post for my ex-wife. I do it because she's the mother of my children. But she's someone I care about. We speak to each other on an occasional basis. You know, because we're family to one another. This person was his family. So I wouldn't make a bigger deal out of it. Now, could it mean he has not healed from that? Absolutely. But that photograph isn't an indication of that. Now, if his whole home had a shrine to her, well, maybe it's time to take the shrine down. But to have a photograph on the phone, it's not like you look at that photograph every Mother's Day. So I wouldn't make a big deal out of that. I'm not suggesting it might not be a big deal, but I wouldn't make a big deal. All right. Uh, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Miss Gin says, thank you, Jonathan. You're very welcome. Lynette says, question. How do I reset the relationship? There is a deep physical connection, but he's not emotionally available. He hated that I blocked him to focus on my needs. I don't know how to spell it out. Well, blocking him is an immature thing. You know, to block someone to focus on your needs, to me, seems immature. So you have an established trust. If I were you want to reset the relationship, if he wants, if this penis wants to get back inside your vagina, read the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, together. That's a good way to do a reset. That's my invitation for you anyway. Good luck on that one. And by the way, folks, write the word question first. OK, how do I handle a relationship when you know your ex-boyfriend is a narcissist and you're trauma bonded to him? Therapy, that's an easy one. Go to therapy. All right. Hey, nurse Jenny, thank you so much. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like the shirt. All right, let's keep swimming. Let's keep. Liz says, thank you. You articulate your answers wonderfully. I always appreciate your expressive candidness. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right, let's see if we've got any more questions. Maru says, in a new long distance relationship, how do I tell him in a feminine, non-aggressive way that I want more than texting relationship that we need to move beyond that? And it's planning times to talk. You know what? This is my text button. This is my telephone button. Instead of texting, dial his number. Hey, Tim, I'd like to talk on the phone. Is that OK with you? No, I'd much rather talk text. I'd much rather be behind a screen because I really am just using you for right now because I just want some company. Folks, especially with long distance relationships, it should rarely ever be a texting relationship. You better be FaceTiming and you better have telephone calls and you better make a plan to meet as soon as possible and you better have a plan of how to take the distance from long to short. Without that, do not invest time in a long distance relationship. Most of you know I'm against long distance relationships for bull. Excuse me not to disrespect you because guys will waste your fucking time on text messaging when I met my beloved. I didn't want to do long distance, but she she had a plan. She shared it with me. We talked and we figured out how to take the distance from short to long sooner rather than later, folks, if you're in a texting relationship, it's rarely, rarely ever, ever, ever, ever going to work out. But guess what? We can all live in fantasy land. It's a great fantasy to be connected with someone on a text message. Oh, it's so exciting to be connected on a text message. It's so thrilling because I get to hold hands together via text messaging. No, you don't. I get to kiss you via text messaging. No, you don't. I get to hug you via text messaging. No, you don't. I get to go to the movies with you in text messaging. Well, maybe if you shared Netflix and sync through it at the same time, I can go out to dinner with you at text messaging. No, you can't. I can meet your friends text messaging. No, you can't. We can go on vacation together text messaging. Folks, please, you guys, it's getting to be. Listen, you're feel you're hearing my absolute frustration at the lunacy of the fantasy that so many of you adopted in these text messaging relationships. Look, I understand when there's distance, but do it over the telephone. Listen, if you're not having regular telephone conversations and in FaceTime and Zoom calls, it's it's a weak connection to begin with. But anyways, you guys can live in fantasy. Go for it. All right. I'm sorry I threw you under the bus, but that's how I feel on that one. Does anyone agree with me if it resonates with you? Please let me know. Say, Jonathan, your comment about texting relationships resonates with me. I need to know that if this is sinking in. Oh, Mariana writes question. Is it true that men don't like actively seeking women? Another another word they pull. Wait, is it true that men don't like actively seeking women? Another word they put in other words. They pull away if they meet a woman who is straightforward and seek serious relationship, how to find balance. Listen, can I be honest? After my significant relationship ended, I fucking hated dating. It was a pain in the ass. I hated, you know, you know, when I say hated, that's a strong word. But I nearly meant was it was exhausting. First off, you get a lot of rejection. You reach out to women who never responds to you, yet women who ghost you. So it's exhausting. So at some point I got to the point where I was looking. If you want to, if my profile was great, reach out to me. That was my attitude and the irony is she reached out to me first. OK, she dropped the hanky first. OK, but at some point when I want to read the balance of this, because I did one of my off, went on tangents men. Listen. Men who are not serious about wanting a fully committed relationship, they tend to get turned off by straightforward women because it's a misalignment. That guy wants a beck and call girl. That guy wants a woman who's subservient. That guy wants a woman who basically will be at his. I already said beck and call. But a guy who can't now straightforward doesn't necessarily mean someone who's domineering, controlling and abusive. A lot of women can be that. OK, straightforward simply means is this is my standard. That's my standard. I want to see I want a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married. That's standards. If a guy gets offended by that, wait a minute, I just need to take it slow. I barely know you. I don't want to commit to anything. Well, then you don't get my fucking vagina, dude. I'm sorry for being this crass, but folks, that's the way I approach it. Does this sink in? Please let me know. All right. Cecilia writes questions. Should I express some entitlement when he overtly tries to make me jealous? I never agree to an entitled point of view. And if someone tries to make you jealous, then they might most likely are very insecure to actually be in a committed relationship, but that's just my two cents on that one. All right. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. Yes, yes, you're on fire. Thank you, Christine. Mara says it resonates. I guess he is not that invested because he's not calling me enough. Yeah, well, if you're going to explore, if you're going to listen. He's prospecting and he's using this simplest form to prospect text messaging. By the way, he could be text messaging 20 women at the same time. OK, long distance, OK, until he finds one that will let him have sex with him. That's just a judgment on my part. I'm not saying that's true. It's a projection of my part. But guess what? Texting is the weakest form of communication. I did an article called e tethering once how I literally in the early stages of my divorce or after I got divorced. I was texting 10 women at the same time. It's an easy form to prospect. And the women who are the ease, the women who are low hanging fruit, quite frankly, the ones who are easy got my attention because back then all I cared about was getting laid under the guise of I want a relationship. No, I was such a fucking train wreck after my divorce. The life underneath me, the ground underneath me was like quicksand. And a lot of women would be enable men like me. Folks, do not set your standards on accepting men whose lives are in chaos. Those guys will be drainers to you in the long run. Anyway, that's my two cents on that. Oh, let's see. The standard says, right, Jonathan, thank you, right on. Gina says, failed long distance relationship. Learn the hard way. He wasted my time. Well, you accepted. You accepted your time to be wasted. You accepted it. It's not him doing it to you. You accepted it. All right. Christina writes, you are all you are on are on all points. Thank you. Oh, Mariana just gave us a $4.99 super sticker. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right, let's see. Oh, here we go. Priya writes question. It's been three or four day nights together in initial dating phase. How do you know if it's safe and the person is not a criminal? Great question, folks. These days we're meeting total strangers. It requires doing a social media background check, a Google background check on a person, maybe actually paying for one of those background check persons, you need to find out who his friends are. You need to find out who his family are. You need to do some digging because when you're meeting a stranger, you don't know if you're meeting a Tinder swindler. And even the Tinder swindler faked being famous to someone or to the people. So you have to do your due diligence when you're meeting strangers. I have one female friend of mine. She will not date a man seriously unless he has met unless her friends, her committee, she calls it, she will not have sex with the guy until he has met her committee of like six or seven male and female friends. Folks, you have every right to establish your standard with a total stranger. We know nothing about people. You know, through social media, you can get a sense of a person. But here's the scary thing. Do you know my photographs are stolen hundreds of times a day to create fake profiles on all the dating sites? So an image of a person isn't enough. You need to physically see them. You need to you need to not need to you can do whatever you want. I encourage you to do Zoom calls, do FaceTime with people. By the way, in my coaching practice, I always encourage my clients right after you've connected with someone on a dating platform is to immediately, immediately do a FaceTime just to make sure they're real. And let me also add the first phone call is the first date. That's the first date you do. You do it and this is a time to ask some of the harder questions. So when you actually have a first date, you can have a good time with one another. But Jonathan, I'm just told to sit my feminine energy and lean back and just let the guy claim me. Yeah, that's really working out great for a lot of people. All right, that's my my. Well, you know what I'm doing. Thanks so much for a question. I really appreciate it. A bleeding says, I can't imagine how a man can be satisfied with text only. Texting is a miserable is misleading very often. Wounded people love to hide behind their screens. And there is a significant percentage of wounded human beings in the dating marketplace. The dating marketplace is riddled with wounded men and women alike who want some level like a minuscule level of connection. And just keep in mind with texting, you can do it with multiple people at the same time. All right. Hey, Cassandra just gave us a twenty dollar super sticker. Thank you so much for the Conor Vasily scholarship fund. Always appreciate your advice. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Linky says, it's difficult, Jonathan. I was single eleven years. It's difficult not putting up with bad behavior because of fear of being single even longer. Fear doesn't serve you if you're playing the game of fear. Listen, I don't agree with everything in this book. Why men love bitches? Bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, read. I don't get it. I don't agree with everything in this book. Read this book. It's an empowerment book. Ladies, you have a capacity to habitually give your power away to men. Let me share with you. I'm going to wrap up this video with the seven ways women give their power away to a man. Number one, the relationship is on his terms. You abandon your standards and your boundaries. Number two, you're afraid to speak your truth to him because you're afraid to leave. When the relationship ends, the focus is all on him, him, him, him and not on yourself. You're always waiting for him to initiate contact, the need for validation. You stop doing your pre-relationship life, your interests, your activities, your friends after meeting a man. You feel like you can't live without him. And lastly, you think this other person is the only person in the entire universe that will satisfy you. Folks, when you give your power away to another human being, whether you're man or woman, you're essentially saying when the flight attendant says, in case of emergency, put the oxygen mask on a child because you're assuming that child is going to put it on you. Folks, you have to put your oxygen mask on yourself first. Where's my book? Where's my book? Read my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. There's a link below to get a copy of the books I recommend. Folks, put the oxygen mask on yourself means being your sovereignty, being your self-worth, and most importantly, have self-respect, because so many human beings compromise their own self-respect. Guess what? Maybe your journey is to fuck up this first time and you'll come back and do it again. You'll fuck up again. You'll come back and do it again and fuck up again. But hopefully you're learning by each evolution. And sadly, you're going to have to wait for death to get another chance at this. The reset button starts with death. Maybe start working on this shit now so you're ahead of the game and you meet the most amazing relationship the next time you're doing the reset button. Or hopefully you do it sooner rather than later and you can do it now. Anyways, listen, I invite you all to attract in a great relationship in your life. So I'm going to give you a little prayer to end this conversation with God, universe, spirit. I invite in a juicy, delicious relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another and we have great communication with one another and the banter can go on for hours and hours at the time and we can resolve conflicts and differences with ease and we can blend our lives together and we share the same values to build the deep roots of trust that allow us to have an amazing relationship and we have that fantastic chemistry and sexual relationship together that takes it over the charts. God, universe, spirit, I call that in. That's my invitation for you all. And I hope you all attract an amazing relationship in your life. And if you need some support on that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. First off, I'm going to give myself a big gigantic shot at the merit of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's OK. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a teddy bear pillow. There's a teddy bear. Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank who do we got to thank here? Cassandra and Marwa and Blinky and I can't pronounce some of this starshine and Albina and Cecilia and Renee and Pamela and Patty and Joe Hinka, Anita, Renee, Christina, Jenny, if you're out there, nurse Jenny. Thank you so much, everyone wishing you a fab evening. Take care. Bye now.