 The Kraft Foods Company presents Harold Perry as the great Gilder Sleeve. Sleeve is brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company makers of the famous Philadelphia brand cream cheese. Philadelphia brand is far and away America's favorite cream cheese. That's because it's so creamy white, so delicately rich, and so fresh tasting. But remember there's only one Philadelphia cream cheese. It's the brand that's made by Kraft and guaranteed fresh. So when you buy cream cheese always look for the name Philadelphia brand. Write down each silvery package. Well, let's see how Summerfield's water commissioner, the great Gilder Sleeve, is getting along. History tells us that many great men had woman trouble. Napoleon had trouble with Josephine. Caesar had trouble with Cleopatra. And the great Gilder Sleeve is having trouble with Bessie, his secretary. After five years at the water department, Bessie is a model of inefficiency. Where is that girl? She's late again. Good morning, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Good afternoon, Bessie. Huh? Bessie, you're one hour late this morning, and yesterday you were two hours late. Well, anyway, I'm improving. Oh, brother. Bessie? Yes, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Look at this letter you typed. I counted six mistakes in it. Six mistakes? It's seven. Someday I'll fire that girl. Bessie? Now, where is she? Bessie! Yeah, I gained them all. Another one? Did you want me for something? No, Bessie. I just wanted to say hello. I'm going to fire that girl right now. Well, tomorrow anyway. This morning. Oh, nothing, Marjorie. Well, something's wrong. You haven't touched your pancakes. Well, I don't feel like eating. Gee, you must feel terrible. Children, I have an unpleasant duty to perform this morning. What's that? I'm going to fire Bessie. Oh, Uncle, you've been saying that for years. Well, you know you're too soft-hearted to fire anybody. Yeah. Well, it won't be easy, but it's got to be done. There's a leak in the water department. It's up to the commissioner to fix it. Uh-huh. Well, it is. Anyhow, I'm not so soft-hearted. I could be pretty hard-boiled when I want to be. Oh, sure. Well, I've got to go to school, Uncle. Me too. Goodbye, you mean old man, you. You're so hard-hearted. Hard-hearted. Ah! Leeroy. Careful, young man, I'm hard-hearted enough to give you a spanky. Oh, my goodness. We'll see who's soft-hearted. They think I don't have the nerve to fire Bessie, eh? Maybe I don't. Yes, I do. Bye, George. This time I'm going to do it. Please. No thanks. Birdie, I'm going to do it. Do what, Mr. Gilsey? I'm going to fire Bessie. What's the matter, Birdie? Oh, Mr. Gilsey, you've been saying that ever since I can remember. Well, bye, George. This time I mean it. Yes, sir. I'm not going to shilly-shally around any longer. No. I've been soft-hearted long enough. Yes, sir. Birdie, this is the morning I'm going to fire Bessie. Yes, sir. Listen, say, Bessie, you're fired. Good morning, Mr. Gilsey. Bessie? Yes, sir. Bessie? Yes, sir. I'll see you later in my office. I'm going to be harder than I thought. Why does she have to look at me with those big brown eyes? Well, it's got to be done. She's worked here long enough anyway. It's time she settled down and got married or something. It's your job to tell her, Gilsey. Take the bull by the horns. Do it now. Bessie? Yes, sir? Yes. Better close the door, Bessie. Sit down, my dear. Huh? Bessie, sit down. Yes, sir. Bessie, I'm going to lay my cards on the table. Oh, are we going to play cards? Figure of speech, Bessie. Oh. Bessie, there's something I must tell you. Might as well come to the point. Things haven't been running too smoothly in the water department lately. In fact, there's been an awful lot of inefficiency. Frankly, I'm worried. Oh, I wouldn't worry, Mr. Gil, to sleep. You're doing the best you can. Huh? I don't think you'll be fired. I didn't mean that. What I meant, Bessie, was, well, I've been thinking about you for a long time. You have? Yes. It just occurred to me that a young girl like you might not want to waste away your years in the water department. I don't know how to say this, Bessie, but, well, maybe it's time you gave up working and settled down. Got married. Mr. Gil to sleep. Huh? I'll be nice for you to ask me, but I couldn't marry you. What? I'm not old for it. Bessie? Yes? Nothing. I'll see you later. We're looking for another girl, though. I'll just drop in to the employment agency, see if they've got any secretaries. This time, I'll get somebody who's efficient and doesn't like malts. Gil, there. Who's that? Oh, my goodness, Judge Hooker. I'm in no mood to talk to that old busybody. Gil, there. I'll act like I don't hear him. Gil, there. Listen to him bleed the old goat. Maybe if I hurry up, I can get rid of him. Here's the Busy B Employment Agency. Look in here before he sees me again. I guess that's the manager behind the desk. Well, hello there. What can I do for you? Uh, I'm, uh, Throckmorton P. Gillesleve, head of the water department. Oh, head of the water department, huh? Yes. I'd like to hire someone. To read water meters? Right. I got just the man for you. Young, energetic college education? Very agile? Climbed under houses easy? No, no. You don't understand. I want to hire a secretary. Oh, a secretary? Right. Yes. I want someone. Who can type? Take shorthand, right? That would be, uh, an efficient experience, right? Uh... You're a lucky man, Mr. Gillesleve. I've got just the woman for you. Her name's Miss Zelda Lovejoy. She worked for 10 years in the water department out in Los Angeles. Sounds like just the woman for you, right? Well, yes. She sounds wonderful. Good. She'll be at your office 9 o'clock in the morning ready to work. Right? Yeah. Right. Goodbye. Goodbye. Now, what do they call that place the Busy B? Yeah, I guess I got myself a new secretary. I'm all set. Oop. I haven't fired Bessie yet. Well, I'll go up and do it right now. No, I won't. I'll have a cup of coffee first. Right? What can I do for you? Fede, I've got some bad news. Okay. I'm afraid our old friend Gilda has lost his job at the water department. You don't say. Yes. I just saw him sneaking into the Busy B employment agency. Poor fellow. He must feel awful bad. Oh, he does. I tried to talk to him, but he was so ashamed he ran away. Poor Mr. Gilderstein. Oh, I hope he gets another job. Yeah, it won't be easy. There aren't many jobs a stout man can fill. Fede. Yes? Here he comes. I'll go out the back way. I don't want to embarrass him. All right. And don't tell him I said anything. He's probably pretty touchy about it. All right. Goodbye. I'll try to cheer him up. Good morning, Fede. Hello, Mr. Gilderstein. What can I do for you today? Would you care for some lunch? I'm not going to eat any lunch today, Fede. Just give me a cup of coffee. Black. Poor fellow. He's starting to economize already. Mr. Gilderstein, why don't you have the regular lunch? What? Don't worry about the check. Peavey's pharmacy will take care of it. Well, thanks very much, Peavey. But I don't want any lunch. Go ahead, Mr. Gilderstein. You're about your own little friend. Peavey, just give me a cup of coffee and leave me alone. That's pretty touchy, all right. There, there's your coffee. Thanks. Peavey, I've got a problem. Yes, yes, you have. Care for an aspirin, Mr. Gilderstein, on your house? No, thanks. You know, when a person has had a job for years, they get pretty upset when they lose it. Yes, yes, they do. On the other hand, if someone's incompetent, it's their own fault. Well... There's no room at the water department for anybody who's inefficient, lazy, and brainless. Well, don't worry, Mr. Gilderstein. You'll get another job. Huh? But I'm sorry, you were fine. What? Peavey, I wasn't fired. I'm talking about Bessie. Oh, for heaven's sake. How could you make a mistake like that? When I said that someone is inefficient, lazy, and brainless, it couldn't be me. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. Oh! Good God! It's time I'm gonna do it. I'll be gentle but firm. I'll say, Bessie, I like you. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. But I'm afraid I'll have to terminate your employment through the water department. That's it. Bessie? Yes, Mr. Gildersleeve? Bessie, I want to talk to you. And I want to talk to you too, Mr. Gildersleeve. What? Mr. Gildersleeve, I like you. Huh? I wouldn't want to hurt you for the world. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to quit. Quit? Yes. Since you proposed to me this morning, I've been thinking things over. Proposed? Oh, yes. It's just like a love story I read where the boss fell in love with his secretary. He was a man just like you. Well, he was a little thinner. Yes, you're right. I don't want to see you suffer, Mr. Gildersleeve. So, I think the best thing I can do is go away. So do I. I mean, if that's the way you feel. Of course. If you can't bear to have me leave, I'll stay. Oh, no. That is, it's better this way. Then you think I should go and never come back? I sure do. Then I'll leave right now. Goodbye, Mr. Gildersleeve. Goodbye, Bessie. Next time you want your folks to sit up and take notice, surprise them with an extra special dessert. It's easy like baked pears or apples or plain spice cake or gingerbread, but any one of these desserts will be super special topped with fluffy Philadelphia brand cream cheese whipped. That wonderful topping takes just a minute to fix. You simply put a package of soft creamy white Philadelphia brand cream cheese in a little bowl, add a small amount of milk, and whip lightly with a fork. That's all there is to it. You'll have fluffy mounds of fresh tasting richness that'll turn an everyday dessert into real company fare. And rich, delicate Philadelphia brand cream cheese is always so exquisitely fresh. In fact, genuine Philadelphia brand is guaranteed fresh by Kraft. It's made fresh daily, rushed to food stores icy cold. That's why it's important to remember there is only one Philadelphia brand cream cheese. When you buy, look for the words Philadelphia brand printed on the face of each silvery package. To be sure of getting genuine Philadelphia brand, the cream cheese that's guaranteed fresh by Kraft. And now back to the great Gilder sleeve. We find the great man down at the water department bright and early this morning, eagerly awaiting the arrival of his new secretary, Miss Zelda Lovejoy. Oh, what a beautiful morning. I'll just put this base of flowers on Miss Lovejoy's desk. There, California poppy. She ought to like those. It's going to be a pleasure to have somebody efficient around here for a change. There she is now. Come in. Mr. Gilder sleeve? Yes, and you're Miss Lovejoy? Yes, I am. Well, welcome to the Summerfield water department. Thank you. There's your desk right over there with the flowers on it. California poppies. Oh, yes. Well, Miss Lovejoy, you can just take it easy at first. Spend a day getting acquainted with the department. It's not going to be necessary, Mr. Gilder sleeve. I prefer to begin my duties immediately. I've had many years of experience in the water department. Oh, yes. Out in Los Angeles. Mr. Morris, he was my employer there. I was so efficient, he scarcely had to do any work at all. He did. Well, we're going to get along fine. You just leave everything to me, Mr. Gilder sleeve. What would you like me to do first? Well, here's the water report. We've been trying to get out. There seems to be a few mistakes in it. Please. Why, there's a mistake on the very first page. Oh, there is? Yes. According to this, there are only five gallons of water in the whole reservoir. It must be more than that. I took a shower this morning. And there are many typing errors. Mr. Morris would never send in a report like this. Oh, he wouldn't? I'll take care of this, Mr. Gilder sleeve. I'll have it made out correctly in an hour. In triplicate. In triplicate? Oh, good. Then I'll check the collections, enter any new subscribers on the books, send out the delinquent notices. Mr. Morris always had me do that every day. Well, that's good enough for Mr. Morris. That's good enough for me. I can see you're going to be efficient. All right, Miss Lovejoy. Just what this water department needs. I'll be right back. Mr. Gilder sleeve, where are you going? Well, I'm a little thirsty this morning. I think I'll go down and get a malt. Your new secretary is really efficient, eh, Gelde? Efficient? Why, you should see her, Judd. She's a regular dynamo. Is that so? You bet. Miss Lovejoy is a real gem. She came in this morning and took right over. She's smart, too. Why, she knows as much about the water department as I do. That doesn't make her very smart. You can't get me mad this morning, Judd. I feel too good. See? Judd, I just got a great idea. How about you and me going fishing? Fishing? Sure, why not? We've been cooped up here all winter. A little fresh air and sunshine is just what we need. Oh, come on, Judd. On our old clothes, drive out to the old mill pond and have a real lazy afternoon. Well, it does sound rather tempting, Gelde. I'll accept your invitation. Great. I'll go home and get my fishing pole. And all I have to do is go to the office, sign a water report, and we're off. All right, Gelde. I'll meet you downstairs. Wonderful. We'll play hooky like a couple of kids. Goodbye, Huckleberry Finn. Goodbye, Tom Sawyer. What a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day. Come on, Peavey. It's a beautiful day and we haven't been fishing for months. Well, I don't know, Mr. Gelde. I have the pharmacy to take care of. Oh, Mrs. Peavey can take care of the pharmacy for one day. She won't drive any customers away. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. The fish will really be biting on a day like this, Peavey. Well, you've told me, Mr. Gelde. Fine. Meet you down at the city hall. You bring the worms. Mr. Gelde, if I've been wondering where you were. Well, I had a little business to take care of. Did you get the water report all made out? Yes, I did. Good, I'll sign it right now, and I'll be leaving. Leaving? But you just came back. Yes, I know. That's the life of a busy executive in and out all the time. But, Mr. Gelde, if you're upsetting my entire schedule, I had your day's work all laid out for you. You did? Yes, some correspondence, a complete inventory, files. Well, I'll get right on it, tomorrow. I'm not used to working this way. Never put things off. That's what Mr. Morris always said. And he never left the office except for important conferences. Well, this is a conference, sort of. Put some fish, people. Is the conference about water? Well, there's water around there. We're making a little survey. A survey? Yeah, I'm going to take a poll. Oh. Well, I know I'm leaving the office in good hands. Got to be going now. Can't keep these important people waiting. See you later, Miss... Are you ready, Gelde? Oh, hello, Judge. Hello, Mr. Gelde. PB. Well, let's get started, Tom Sawyer. Yes, you understand they're really biting today. Biting? Biting their time. Miss Lovejoy, these are the two important men I was telling you about. Well, gentlemen, we'd better hurry if we're going to make that conference. Ah? Yes. Have you got everything ready for our meeting this afternoon? Yes, I brought the worms. Worms? Of course you can't go fishing without worms. PB. Mr. Gildersleeve, so this is the conference you were talking about. Well, come on, Gelde, let's get started. Gentlemen, Mr. Gildersleeve is not going fishing. But, Miss Lovejoy... You said you wanted me to run this office efficiently, did you not? Yes, of course, but... Then that's what I intend to do as long as I stay here. That means when there is work to do, you'll have to stay here and do it. What? I warn you, Mr. Gildersleeve, if you go, then I go too. You're going fishing with us? Certainly I'm not. Yeah, it's good. She's carried the fish away. Well, PB, since our friend isn't going, we might as well get started. But follow us. Goodbye, Mr. Gildersleeve. See you later. Well, Gelde, there's nothing like having an efficient secretary. Oh, what a beautiful morning! With all this work, Miss Lovejoy is piled on my desk. I wanted an efficient secretary, but this is ridiculous. Lovejoy. Her name ought to be Killjoy. She just let me alone for a minute. Mr. Gildersleeve. Yes, Miss Killjoy, I love Joy. Here are some more reports for you to get out. I think I've got all I can handle today. Well, if you can't finish it today, you can take it home and do it tonight. Oh, thank you. That's what Mr. Morris always did out in Los Angeles. Oh, he did. By the way, Mr. Gildersleeve, I noticed you've made a good many trips to the water cooler today. Well, the bacon was a little salty this morning. You know, every drink of water takes 30 seconds and 60 seconds make a minute. That's what Mr. Morris always said. How did he ever figure that out? And another thing, Mr. Gildersleeve, I'm afraid you'll have to give up smoking cigars in the office. Give up cigars? Yes, I find that very irritating. I'll just take this one out as I go. What? Besides, no one can do his best work in a smoke-filled room. That's what Mr. Morris always said. Why does Mr. Morris go soak his head in the Los Angeles River? Well, Mr. Gildersleeve, you wanted efficiency and you're getting it. I sure am. Mr. Gildersleeve, where are you going? If you don't mind, Miss Lovejoy, I'm going to lunch. Well, I'll expect you back in half an hour. But I always take an hour for lunch. A half hour will be plenty, Mr. Gildersleeve. We have lots to do, you know. Yes, I know, but we have to eat. We can't do our best work on a full stomach. That's what Mr. Morris always said. One of these things. I wish I had Bessie back, even if she does spell engineer with a J. Miss Lovejoy, you're doing this wrong. You're doing that wrong. And if she tells me once more, that's what Mr. Morris always said. Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve. Yes? You must have made out this requisition in a hurry. It's all wrong. I've never seen such sloppy work. Zef. We mustn't do things in a hurry. Haste makes waste, you know. Watch it, Miss Lovejoy. And another thing, Mr. Gildersleeve. I've been observing your posture. Huh? You'll work much more efficiently if you don't slump over your desk. Why doesn't she? You should sit with your chest out and hold your stomach in. If that's possible. Lovejoy? Faulty posture means faulty work. Here it comes. That's what Mr. Morris always said. Miss Lovejoy, here's something Mr. Morris never said. What's that? You're fired. What? Mr. Gildersleeve said that. And bring back my cigar. Not a type. It's gonna take me all afternoon to finish this letter. Well, anyhow, I can breathe now that Miss Lovejoy's gone. Smoke-filled room. She should talk with those smudge pots in California. I've been thinking things over. And I've decided to come back. You have? It wasn't fair of me to quit the way I did. You'll need me. I sure do, Bessie. But promise me one thing. Hmm? That you'll think of me just as a secretary and not as a girl you want to marry. Do you think you can do that, Mr. Gildersleeve? Sure. Poor man, you working all alone. Here, let me type that letter for you. All right, sit down, Bessie. Mr. Gildersleeve, I made a mistake. You did it? Yes, I spelled engineer with a G. Say, let's go down and get a malt. We'll be right back. And we have a surprise for you. They say there's a right time for everything. But I think you'll agree that when it comes to eating, any time, meal time or snack time is right for enjoying Philadelphia brand cream cheese. Yes, wholesome, nutritious, Philadelphia brand always seems to hit the spot on the breakfast toast, at lunch, at dinner and between times. It's so creamy, white and rich and so wonderfully fresh tasting. This cream cheese is made fresh every day in shining craft plants from coast to coast. Then it's rushed to food dealers and ice-cold trucks and cars. Philadelphia brand cream cheese is guaranteed fresh by craft. So for delightful snacks, for good eating anytime, keep Philadelphia brand cream cheese handy in your refrigerator. Just be sure when you buy to get genuine Philadelphia brand, the only cream cheese that's guaranteed fresh. Gildersleeve. Yes? The gentleman here wants to see you. Oh, that's all. Probably one of my fans. Here he is. How do you do, Mr. Gildersleeve? Well, how do you do, sir? I don't believe I got your name. My name is Mr. Morris. Well, I'm... Mr. Morris? Yes, I'm head of the Los Angeles Water Department. Well, so you're Mr. Morris. Yes, I've heard a lot about you, commissioner. Yeah, I've heard a lot about you, too. Mr. Gildersleeve, I'm here tonight for a very special reason. Oh? As you know, I'm past president of the American Water Works Association. Oh, yes. Our members feel that you have done a wonderful job as Summerfield's famous water commissioner. And so in appreciation of your fine work, they've asked me to come here tonight and present to you Harold Perry, the great Gildersleeve, the certificate of membership in the American Water Works Association. Well, well, thank you. Thank you very much, Mr. Morris. You're welcome. And remember, Mr. Gildersleeve, you serve the public and the public will serve you. Yeah, that's what Mr. Morris always said. Thank you again, Mr. Morris, and good night. The Great Gildersleeve is played by Harold Perry. It was written by Gene Stone and Jack Robinson with music by Jack Meakin. In addition to our regular cast, Bessie was played by Gloria Holliday, Miss Lovejoy by Jeanette Nolan, and Mr. Morris by Mr. Samuel Morris of the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power. This is John Wall saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the Great Gildersleeve. You'll like this pleasant, quick way of making leftovers more delicious. Just add a little Kraft prepared mustard and you add a lot of tang. Hidden flavors in boiled ham, sausage, most any meat pop right out, every bite tastes better. Now you can get two kinds of Kraft mustard, salad mustard delicately spiced for those who prefer a milder flavor, and Kraft mustard with snappy horseradish added. Have both kinds in your pantry. Then with every meat dish, hot or cold, just add a little mustard and you add a lot of tang. Kraft's prepared mustard. Archie the manager's baking, Duffy. Oh, hello, Duffy. No, no, this is the Great Gildersleeve show. Well, you don't know him, Duffy. He sells water. That's right, Duffy's tavern.