 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program brought to you by Jell-O and Jell-O Pudding, starring Jack Belly with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with, I Am An American. Year after year, Jell-O keeps getting better and better. And today, Jell-O is richer, more delicious than it's ever been before. The reason for this extra goodness is a new Jell-O process that locks in Jell-O's famous flavor and makes it even more tempting, even more enjoyable. Jell-O is a beautiful dessert, radiant with color and glistening with goodness. And its swell flavor, so tangy and refreshing, makes you think that you're actually tasting the ripe, juicy fruit itself. Yes, Jell-O's marvelous flavor is gloriously good. A flavor that everybody loves. And now that it's locked in, Jell-O's grand flavor reaches a new peak in pleasure. But prove it for yourself. Open a package of Jell-O. Notice that there's no sweet, fruity odor, no tell-tale aroma to warn of escaping flavor. Then dissolve the tiny Jell-O particles, and notice the way Jell-O's captive goodness comes pouring out with a rush of delicious fragrance and flavor. Ask your grocer tomorrow for several packages of Jell-O. You'll find that Jell-O is better and richer than ever now that its flavor is locked in. Next Tuesday, March the 17th of St. Patrick's Day. So instead of my usual hack-need introduction this evening, you can sit down now, Jack. Sit down. Oh. So instead of my usual hack-need introduction, it gives me extreme pleasure to bring to you a young Irish lad who has become a great success on this program. Irish? I wonder if he means...no, he told me to sit down. Could it be...? Jack, will you please keep quiet? Okay. Okay. And here he is, folks, that golden voice tenor from the Emerald Isle, Dennis Day! Take a bow, Dennis. Thank you. Thank you. Jell-O again. This is Dennis Day talking. And sure to the grand pleasure to be addressing all you lovely people. Ah, listen to the blarney. And folks, right now I'd like to tell you a little story about Pat and Mike. Oh, fine. Well, Pat and Mike were walking down the street when all of a sudden a parrot flew out of a pet shop right in front of them. A parrot, eh? And Pat turned to Mike and said, My, hasn't that thing got beautiful feathers? What do you suppose it is? So Mike said, sure, I don't know. Let's go and catch it. So? So they chased it and chased it. And finally the parrot turned around and said, What the heck do you guys want? And Pat kept the parrot and said, Oh, a bigger parrot. And so we thought you was a bird. Very good, Dennis. Very good. Now, go and sit down. Sit down? Gee whiz, Mr. Benny. I thought I was going to do the whole program tonight. No, no, no, no. Don thought that on account of it being so close to St. Patrick's Day, it would be a nice gesture to introduce you first. But that's all. Oh. You see, Dennis, you haven't had enough experience to handle the whole program. Well, let's get going. Jalowe, again, this is Jack Benny talking. What are you trying to do? Hold me down? No. No, I'm not trying to hold you down, kid. But for heaven's sake, you can't be master of ceremonies. You're too young. Jalowe, again, this is Jack Benny talking. He hates me because I'm young. I don't hate you, Dennis. I simply can't take the chance of letting you handle this program. You might be a flop. But, Jack, on the other hand, he might be very good. Don, either way, I'm taking a chance. Now, let's drop it. Jalowe, again, this is Dennis Day talking. And sure folks are nuts. This is all your fault, Don Wilson. You had to introduce the kid. You had to be topical. Well, I thought it was a good idea, Jack. After all, our listeners may be tired of the same old thing week after week. Oh, but I'm an old thing. Well, Mr. Wilson, I'd watch my step if I were you, because the time of year is fast approaching when your contract comes up for renewal. I'm glad you brought up the subject, Jack, because I may not be with you next season. You're sick and tired of it. Oh? You may not be with me? Oh, now, here's the situation. I've had a splendid offer to do the announcing on the Baxter Beauty Play program. Beauty Play? Yes. They offered me a very nice salary, and all the mud packs I can use. Well, Don, after all these years, if a little mud can come between us, well. There's a difference in salary, too. Mud or money, you ain't loyal. That's gratitude for you. Hello, Jack, how are you? Hello, hello. How do you think I am? Well, what's the matter with you? You look like somebody just sold your rubber heels. They better not, Mr. I've got my license number branded on them. Taking no chances. I'll bet your hot water bag is safe, too. And so is my teasing ring. I can go along with a gag. Anyway, if you want to know why I'm upset, it's because I've discovered that my pal, Don Wilson, is a trader, a big, fat trader, who wants to leave me for the Baxter Beauty Play program. Well, why not? They made us a swell offer. What do you mean, us? They want Don, Phil, Dennis, and me. What? Can we put in a word for you, Mr. Bennington? Keep out of this. Well, Mary, all I can say is that fine appreciation after all I've done for you. After all you've done for me? Yes. When I first met you, you didn't even have a pair of stockings. What are you talking about? There was a whole counter fall. I mean of your own. And another thing, young lady, who puts you in show business? Who started you out in Vortable? I started in Vortable with my sister, Babe. What an act that was. Tumblers, the bouncing livings. A lot of us helped to kill Vortable, but you and your sister jumped on it. Now, wait a minute, Jack Bennington. You never even saw our act. I did too. And I'll never forget your sister, Babe. She was so nearsighted she used to take bows with her back to the audience. She knew what she was doing. Oh, yeah? And furthermore, she's not nearsighted. She's not, eh? Well, I like to have a nickel for every weighing machine. She said hello to. Fine name she picked out, Babe. Looks more like Babe Ruth. Well, we got a program to do tonight. And as long as you're all working for me, temporarily, you might as well do your song, Dennis. OK. I'm going to sing the garden where the prairies grow. And I dedicate it to Mr. Baxter and his beauty clay who is listening in. Baxter's beauty clay. But burns me up. I've been using that clay for years. You must have been growing radishes in us. I tried it on my face, too. Anyway, I'm talking about friendship and appreciation and gratitude for my own cast. Should I sing now, Mr. Benny? Wait a minute, Dennis. I just happened to think of a little poem that fits this situation to a T. It's entitled, Loyalty, and was written by Otis J. Kribbelkovelich. Now, let this sink in. Loyalty. Ahem. Hey, where's that music coming from? Like in the movies that just come. Loyalty. Real friends are few and far between. They'll never tarnish or turn green. They'll stick with you through stormy seas. They'll go through heat or even freeze. So when you have a friend who is a friend, do not kick him in. The end. Remember that, all of you, before you think of deserting me for another program. That's the thing, Dennis. That poem didn't sink in very well. Maybe I'll have to give the game more money or something. Have you ever been in love, me boys? Or have you felt the pain? I'd sooner be in jail, me self, and be in love again. For the girl I loved was beautiful. I'd have you all to know. And I met her in the garden where the fretees grow. She was just a sort of creature, boys, that nature didn't tend. To walk her through the world, me boys, without the Grecian bend. How did she fly? I'd have you all to know. And I met her in the garden where the fretees grow. As I, my pretty Kathleen, I hope that you'll agree. She was in a bike or city girl, so say you're making free. So see, I'll ask my parents and tomorrow I'll let you know. If you'll meet me in the garden where the fretees grow. She was just a sort of creature, boys, that nature didn't tend. To walk her through the world, me boys, without the Grecian bend. How did she fly? I'd have you all to know. And I met her in the garden where the fretees grow. Oh, the parents, they consented. And we're blessed with children three. Two boys just like their mother and the girl, the image of me. And now we're going to train them up the way they ought to go. For her to dig right in the garden where the fretees grow. She was just a sort of creature, boys, that nature didn't tend. To walk her through the world, me boys, without the Grecian bend. How did she fly? A senior. I'd have you all. And I met her in the garden where the fretees grow. Here were the fretees grow, a special St. Patrick's Day song sung by Dennis Day. And Dennis, that was swell. Sick with Uncle Jack, and you've got a brilliant future. Well, I'd love to, but Mr. Baxter's made me some wonderful promises. Promises? If it's promises you want, you're with the right guy now. I deliver the goods to Dennis's contract. Call for a raise this month, and he got one. Some raise. He put high heels on his shoes. A raise is a raise. It all depends on how you look at it. I turn my ankles 10 times this week. Well, watch it. Don't be so clumsy. Anyway, Dennis, you better think twice before you listen to anybody else's promises. You know, they don't always, hmm, there comes another traitor. How do you do, Mr. Harris? You're feeling fine, I trust? Mr. Harris, why all the formalities? If you mean formality, Phil, which is my guess, the reason for my frigid attitude is because I found out that you're a snake in the grass. Why haven't you even seen grass for 10 years? Well, you've seen snakes, that I know. Snakes are them those wiggly things that come just ahead of the elephant. I don't know the order of their appearance, but that's what you are. Imagine leaving me for Baxter's beauty clay. Jackson, I wouldn't leave you for all the beauty clay in the world, and heaven knows I'm a mess. What? Hey, Phil, you mean you're not going to walk out with the rest of us? No, sir. Look, Jackson, I got it all figured out. We don't need the rest of this bunch at all. We don't? No, next season, we'll have just you, me, and a 100-piece symphony orchestra. A 100-piece orchestra? Yeah. You lead one end, I'll lead the other, and let them bump. Well, it's a novel idea, Phil, but offhand, I don't know of 100 musicians that would suit that load. No, if my gang wants to leave me, I'll just quit radio, that's all. Are you sure you don't like that symphony idea, Jackson? No, no, let's think, Phil. But thanks, just the same. I'll just quit radio. Now, wait a minute, Jack. I think this is gone far enough. We did have an offer from Mr. Baster, but we're not going to accept it. Not much. That's the truth, Jack. Why, we couldn't leave you or Jello. We're all locked in together. That's a plug if I ever heard of it. Aw, wake up, Jack. The whole thing was just a gag. Oh, a gag, eh? You're tricky. You fellas really had me going. I'd heard about your other offer. You haven't so worried all week. My hair was falling out. See? I thought that thing was guaranteed. Good, good. Very good. Well, let's get going now. Let's get going now with the program. Shall we? Ladies and gentlemen, immediately after a number by Phil Harris and his orchestra, we're going to present a special surprise attraction in which we will definitely expose for the first time. Excuse me. Hello? Oh, Mr. Bennett, this is Rochester. I'm busy. I'm busy now, Rochester. What do you want? Boss, I got to send in my income tax by tomorrow night. Yes? And I'm a little short of that green stuff that ain't wet. Yeah, that ain't heavy. Rochester, do you mean to say you have to pay tax on that small salary you get? I bet it, Mr. Morgan's all sent me a blank with RSVP on it. RSVP? Rochester's himself a counsel. Oh, I see. Well, uh, Rochester, tell me, how much of your income tax amount to? That all depends on my dependence. Is it okay if I put my brother down as a dependent? Well, I don't know. Can your brother work? He can, but it's not easy. Oh, well, well, look, maybe, uh, maybe your brother can't work. Maybe he's incapacitated. Uh, may be, pardon? I said maybe your brother is incapacitated. He's too weak. Boss, any man that can stack a trill on his face can either make a flat tax payment or anything. Well, in that case, you cannot deduct him as a dependent. Uh-huh. In fact, Rochester, I wouldn't bother with any deduction. If I were you, I'd just send in a tax for the full amount. A tax? Yes. Well, can you suggest a good bank that can go along with a bank? No, but, um, I'll be happy to lend you enough to pay your tax, Rochester. Thanks, boss. Go on. Go on. Oh, say, boss, Mr. Benny. Now what? Uh, can I be done for the stock market losses? Why, of course. Wait a minute, what stock did you have? Well, I took an awful beating in African Fuels Incorporated. You can't take off for dice. Goodbye. A guy is always in trouble. Play, Phil, and then we'll have our big surprise of the evening. They said no, played by Phil Harris and his Biltmore bowlers. Biltmore meaning the hotel where the boys are working and bowlers meaning they should play in an alley. And, uh, and now, ladies and gentlemen... Gee, thanks for the plug, Jackson. You can't insult the guy. It's amazing. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our surprise feature attraction. No doubt a few of you heard Fred Allen's program last week, in which Mr. Allen, very modestly, devoted most of the show to his own life story. I thought it was very funny. We won't go into that. Now, when Mr. Allen presented this soggy saga of his miserable life, he completely overlooked one very important incident which marked the turning point in his crummy career. Now, in order to bring to light this hidden chapter of Mr. Allen's drab existence, we are going to present the life of Jack Benny. What's that got to do with Allen? Because I'm the guy that... Be patient, Mary, we'll come to that. So here we go, folks, with the life of Jack Benny. First, I am born. Take it, Mr. Wilkman. The scene, ladies and gentlemen, is the little farmhouse of Mr. and Mrs. Zeke Benny, located on the outskirts of Waukegan, Illinois. The date is February 14th. The year... Let's go! Goo-goo. Well, what is it, nurse? It's a bouncing baby boy. Fine start I got. And Jack Benny, our hero, was now a handsome little fellow with big blue eyes and long break. They were golden, and they came way down to my ankles. You must have looked like a weeping willow. Quiet. We find Jacky practicing on his violin while his old music teacher stands by with a look of rapture on his face. I said, how was that? Am I getting any better? Ay! I said, am I getting any better? Oh, well, someday I'll be a great violinist. I'm playing it by heart now, folks. And then came 1917. The World War. Somewhere. It's got to do with Fred Allen. We're coming to that. Continue, Mr. Wilson. The scene changes. It's a cold winter's day in 1927. And Jack Benny, now a vaudeville headliner, is appearing at the Electric Theater in St. Joe, Missouri. St. Joe. They love me there. Yeah. As Mr. Benny is about to enter the stage door, a ragged, unkempt stranger with icicles on his adnoids approaches him and says... Pardon me, Mr. But would you please give me a nickel for a cup of coffee? A nickel? Yes, sir. I'm hungry. I haven't eaten for days. I'm starved. I tell you, starved. Then a nickel won't help you, my good man. Here's a $10 bill. Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, stop kissing my hand. It's nothing. Poor boy. Oh, but I'll never forget you for this never, never... Don't wipe my shoes. It's quite all right. Tell me, my good man. What is your name? Sullivan. Fred Sullivan. Red Sullivan. Remember that name, ladies and gentlemen? And that boy? Remember that Jack Benny gave him $10 when he was starving? And remember his words when he said, I'll never forget you for this. Years later, and Fred Sullivan is now Fred Allen, a successful juggler in Baltimore. See why I told you to remember that name, folks? And it's a cold winter's day in New York City. And Mr. Allen is about to enter the stage door of the palace theater when a ragged stranger with a long black beard and a tin cup approaches. Would you please give me a nickel for a cup of instant postum? Please, get away from me, you bum, or I'll take my gold-handled cane and give you two lumps for your postum. See what a rat he was, folks? But I'm hungry, starved, I tell you, starved. Out of my way, you derelict. Thinks mules are just taking their bow, and I'm on next. Very well. But I'll tell Variety about this. Mr.... Mr. Sullivan? Sullivan? Who are you? Why don't I pull off this false beard? All right, who am I? Jack Benny. That's right, the man who gave you $10 when you only asked for a nickel. And the man who's going to beat you to within an inch of your life. Take that out, and that, and that. Leave me alone, and that, and that. I'll give the money back. Help me back. Well, have you had enough, Allen? I knocked him silly, folks. And that's how Fred Allen became a comedian. Here's a grand jello treat, friends, that will really bring you compliments galore. A good-looking, swell-tasting dessert that you'll be proud to serve again and again. It's cardinal pear mold. Rich, juicy pears embedded in a shimmering mold of bright red raspberry jello. And what a tempting treat it is. A dessert that looks gloriously gay and inviting. And in taste, downright delicious. Yet it's so simple and easy to make. All you do is just dissolve one package of jello imitation raspberry flavor in a pint of hot water and chill until slightly thickened. Then fold in canned sliced pears. Mold and serve plain or with whipped cream. It's a dessert that will lend color and enjoyment to any meal. A bright, shimmering dessert, simply full of delightful flavor. Try it and see what a big hit it makes with everybody. Tomorrow, make up this tangy combination of juicy canned pears and beautiful red raspberry jello. Remember, jello's new locked-in flavor makes jello extra rich. This is the last number of the 24th program in the current jello series, and we will be with you again next Sunday at the same time. Say, Jack, did you really give Fred Allen a $10 bill when he only asked for a nickel? Oh, I may have been a 20 or a 50. Who knows? I couldn't see very well it was snowing. You mean to say you took off your shoe in the snow? I carried a wallet then. Good night, folks. The part of Fred Allen was interpreted on our program tonight by the RKO player Peter Lindhay. Remember this name, friends, jello pudding. It's the name of three grand puddings made by the same folks who make jello. There's jello vanilla pudding, a smooth, luscious pudding with a delicate, creamy flavor of real vanilla. Jello pudding is not only swell as a pudding, but ideal for cream pies, tarts, or as a cream filling for cakes. So when you order jello, order jello puddings in all three flavors, chocolate, vanilla, and butterscotch. Jello puddings are just like grandmas, only more so. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.