 Welcome to the 1878 FM podcast episode 30 with Bushless again. Bushless. He is very much, yeah, he's aimed for a week and half for a time. He's Domino Carvaluin. I wasn't going to use Dom this week, I was going to leave it. I was going to leave Dom alone this week, but he is, he's back and then he's gone again. I mean to be fair, we do get the Bush more than we get the Domino Carvaluin. Okay. Out of 30 shows. There you go. I think he's probably, we've seen that. He's at least that 50%. We've seen Bush more than we've seen Dom. It's right for yourself. Yeah. Now you're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. But the man who's back, Mr Vitty, is, you know, he's only one, one mission. And it was a, you know, international break. International break. Got called away. It's not what we could do about it. He had to go and pick up a board or whatever he was doing. Of, you know, he's like Dave. He's such a high flyer, but he is here today. What were you doing Dave? What were you doing Dave? What was I doing? Do you know what, I had to think for a minute then. I'll tell you what I was doing. I was in London last Tuesday. We, we put on a EFL fans forum in a studio. And so we had David Protton hosting it and we had all sorts of representatives from fans of clubs and also EFL people and just all talking about, you know, how you make the match day experience safer and more enjoyable kind of place to be. It was actually very good. So we were sort of, we were putting that on. It was a live streaming event in London. So that's where I was all day. So apologies for my nonintendents last week, but I have done 29 out of 30. So I'm still top of the leaderboard. I think hopefully, although do you know, I'll be honest with you. I'm actually pissed off that I missed last week because, you know, it's like not keeping a clean sheet, isn't it? Yeah. Absolutely. And I'd just like to say you've now level with me, Dave, on 29 to 30. So you're not top of any leaderboard, but there you go. Good, good. There you go. Haven't I only missed one? You think you might have missed one? You've missed at least two, I think. I'm not sure about that. I mean, the biggest thing is here, Dave. He missed the very first one, which he was very much part of and then denied all knowledge that he was supposed to be. But anyway. No, yeah, yeah, listen. Yeah, because you missed the first one and then you definitely missed the one when you're in New York. So that's two. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the first. The bit is the elephants of the grease. Not forget. But I like to feel like missing the first one was very much just like Robert De Niro missing the first Godfather film. Do you think? Very much. OK. Came in on the second one and very strong as his own storyline. OK. Parallel to the other storyline. Hey, listen. Very much so. You stick with that. Bush is, Bush is always missing, isn't he? Bush is the one we can't rely on. There's always one in your grief, isn't there? That you can't. He's the only one that's got a proper job. Maybe. Maybe that's true. This is true. He's not fit for it today. And well made. Yeah. If you're well known, you've got a parent and a proper job he's doing it today. But there you go. There you go. Let's do the footy bit first because, you know, get that out the way. Dave, since you were missing last week, we couldn't really build up to the totten game. I said how you were feeling before it. But we've played it. We are now four unbeaten. So how did you, how did you think it went the other night? Was it a point one for you or two points dropped? I think it was a point one to be honest with you. I mean, I did fancy us ahead of Monday night and I did say that. I don't know why I just, I just quite fancied us. I was hoping that Conte was still going to be there for that game. But obviously he's now gone. But again, without without a new manager in place and someone to galvanize that squad, which are a bit all over the place. I did fancy us. And, you know, listen, I think we played well. I think I think we just proved ourselves to be hard to beat and that's what what dice is doing. You know, yes, we could have perhaps won it at the end, but I was actually on the balance of things. I was actually quite happy with it with a point to be honest with you. And I certainly thought that to come back from being behind just showed the sort of qualities that we have under dice or rather highlight the qualities that we didn't have under previous regimes and how that would appear to make us, in my opinion, far better equipped for the weeks ahead, which will be a challenge to say the least. I mean, have you been surprised? I've asked other people this. Have you been surprised by how much resiliency is being seen to be able to draw out the team at the moment? Because, like you've just said previously, we were a goal-winning, and that was, you could almost say that was the end of the game, couldn't you? The minute we went one down, it was like, well, that's us done. Have you been surprised because it is a relatively short sample size, isn't it? Think it's nine games he's had now or 10 games, something nine games, isn't it? So it's a relatively short sample size, but he's been able to see him at the moment anyway. He's been able to put in this this resilience into them. Yeah, no, you're right, and it's good to see, and I am a little bit surprised, but I suppose that goes down as being good man management, doesn't it? Because you're right, previously, when we went behind, you knew that was it, especially on paper, a better side than us, far more goal threat and whatnot. So you wouldn't have expected them to come back, but again, that shows a resilience. Man management, again, typified none better than Michael Keane of Lay, and I don't just mean his goal. I mean, his goal was a cracker, and I was genuinely delighted for him, because as we all know, he's a decent player, we know that. You don't get to where you are in your career without being a decent player, but he's someone who's clearly suffered over the years with confidence and his head for want of a vague description. And, you know, it's really affected the way that he's played, and obviously Dijs knows him, he had him at Burnley, and he's come in, and he's given him the confidence, and he's given him the opportunity, and he's certainly repaid that with his performances of Lay, I would suggest. And then to see him score that goal, you know, I was really chuffed for him, just to see that connection between him and the fans, and I think that that will do him the world of good, and I think it will do the side as a whole, the world of good. And it just further prepares us, if you like, for what we have coming up. And for me, it was just a really, really solid performance tarnished only by the blatant shithousary of Harry Kane, which I just thought was a disgrace, and I just thought it was embarrassing as well. That shot of Seamus over him telling him exactly what everybody else is thinking is just brilliant, you know, and typifies Seamus and typifies us as a club, but I just think that when you look at that, I think it's embarrassing as a professional footballer to be going down in that, he's England captain for God's sake, you know. And I hate that, I just hate it, and I know that we had it with Rashardlison and stuff like that, I appreciate that, but it's still awful to see. Well, I mean, the way that it's embarrassing, isn't it? If he connects with him or punches him, then fair enough, he'd just... No, it's embarrassing, isn't it? You've got the referee there, you've got the assistants there, you've got the fourth official there, you've got V.A. there. If anything goes on and so forth like that, they're going to genuinely see it. So for him to go over like that. And he's got this, I don't like that Harry Kane gets away with, you know, this kind of thing all the time, if he gets protected. He's genuinely one of the worst players in the Premier League for this kind of stuff, you know. I think what's worse is, you know, you get someone like... you saw some of the antics out of people like Suarez, and you've just mentioned Richard Allison. And how much... Jamie Carriga mentioned it on Monday Night himself after the game, and he said that everyone knows that I... the stuff I've said about Richard Allison. And he said, so I've got to say it tonight. And he said, yeah, but you say about Richard Allison to the point where it's gone past that and it's everything he does like last season in the Derby, when his ankle went from right behind underneath him. And then we found that he played the rest of the season pretty much strapped up. And it's that... it becomes stick to beat people. Harry Kane is one of the worst, and he never gets something about him. And then when stuff like this happens, it's like, oh, well, it's a bit of a one-off, and it's like it's not. It's like... I can remember one where he nearly broke Adam Lelana's back by, you know, doing the pushing and then going down and getting the free kick. And it's not required... it's certainly not required there. I mean, the court is being stupid. But again, he's instigated all that, Kane. He kept all of his shit. Bro, it's part of the play. He's kicked them. He's dragged all of his shit. He's pushed them, and he only gets a yellow card for it. And I'm not saying he should get, you know, to be a red, but these are the things that wind football fans up. Is these situations... And then he was shaking his head at the referee when he said... It's like... I mean, that was an awful, awful challenge. I mean, that's an absolute leg break. I mean, every time you saw it back from a different angle, it looked worse and worse. And, as I say, he was very lucky to walk away from that. Well, the beauty of that, I guess, and listen, I said this with my matriach, so I'm going to say it again. I'd give Kane a bit of stick after the penalty and because he'd done that thing that you mentioned it before, Dave, and you were talking about him, the confidence. He gave the penalty, which for me was pathetic, like a child kicking out in the box. And then it's Edwent. He started his misplacing passes. He could just see it gone. But it was like a beautiful justice that Lucas More almost breaks his leg. And then he's the one that bangs on him from, you know, a couple of minutes later from 25 yards, absolute screamer. And you're right, I was absolutely... I made up for him. I made up that he shut me up. Cos I have, in the main, kind of like Defender Michael Keane, through Irish Thing, and said he isn't actually that bad a Defender. A problem is, I think, Ed said this a lot as well. He's had no one next to him who's really, like, led him during his time at Everton. His career at Everton has been kind of like just an example of what's gone on at Everton in general. We brought him in. We played him with different Defenders. We dropped them. He's had about 14 different managers. Do you know what I mean? It's just been like a swell and mess his career. So he's never ever been able to have that run where he's got a partner and he just plays and he gets on with his game. He's always prone to making mistakes cos he is flat-footed and he doesn't particularly read situations brilliantly. But he can pick a pass. He can definitely strike a ball. He's good in the air. And he's a decent Premier League Defender and made up for him cos he hasn't had a great time of it. Sometimes a goal like that just gives you that confidence to go on. I hope it does. I hope it gives you the confidence to go on for the rest of the season and have a storm. Because we need everyone playing at the level. But it was great to lose a man and then go a goal down and yet still recover and get a result against the team in the top four. I think that was a big example of just how much the team have improved since Dyche coming. Would you like me to depress you slightly? I wouldn't like you to do it but I'm not going to stop you doing it if that's what you want to do. Here's what I think. I personally think that we will in terms of our position I think that we will just avoid relegation. It's just my gut feeling. I just have a positive feeling that not by much but just point or tops two and goal difference might come into it or all sorts of stuff. It's going to be tight. I think we do. But what depresses me the most now and this is what I think about when I look on WhatsApp groups with mates and they're all sort of looking at what everybody else is doing and these results are going well we need these and these to draw is that my understanding is as you will know that a points deduction is looking likely in terms of where we are which would make the whole situation that we find ourselves in now and everything that we discuss on a week by week basis entirely academic because any kind of points deduction would surely see us down and bearing in mind the amount of clubs who have written basically suggesting that every need to be investigated because obviously they have their own personal interest in all of this because anybody from halfway downwards knows that it might just save their their ass in all of this and this is what I worry about is I think that I do genuinely I worry about this on a daily basis at the moment I find it utterly depressing the fact that we could actually play out of our skin and maybe get out of what seemed to be an unescapable situation only to then have the whole thing quashed by a possible points deduction discuss I think we'll be fine David I genuinely think we'll be fine honestly I don't think we'll get a points deduction I really don't and I'm the most pessimistic Evertonian that is I always look I'm always glass half empty I don't think we'll get a points deduction I think the talk and all play we'll definitely get a point I don't think we will I think we'll get a transfer in Bargo for a summer I think this ain't going to happen I don't think till the back end of this year a Premier League or the male or whoever can say what they want I don't think legally there's a lot to be done don't forget it's not this is my reading of it but I genuinely don't think we're going to get it I think it's a huge huge step for the Premier League to do that and I think if they do if they do give us a point deduction I think it could be next season if we stay in the Premier League with minus 3 points or something like that I don't think it's happening this season I think an independent commission come in and they've got a way up and of course this year I don't think they've got a case and I can't sit here and say they have or they haven't I don't legally know I just know the club is far as I'm concerned there's a joke the way it's getting run but that doesn't mean that they have that doesn't mean that they have intentionally something wrong or if they've cooked the books as you would say if they believe genuinely that they've done this right and they've got proof then we might win the case for all we know and you listen we can put that in the trophy cabinet maybe but we can but if we did have a points deduction I do think you are opening a Pandora's box for the Premier League I believe it's got higher ramifications because if it's Evan and you take points off it's fine what does that mean but it might mean a relegation oh yeah so what we don't need to do nothing we don't need to have to change any kind of history if you start taking points off Manchester City and you have to suddenly start Alton Leagues I think that's huge for the Premier League taking moments away like the Aguero moments and all things like that and don't get me wrong I know it's not the Premier League's decision to make but I just think points is the last you've got other things before you get to points and points is severe that is if Everton have if Everton have intentionally gone out of their way to to alter the books from the COVID year now listen if that is the case and we have and it's terrible then maybe we deserve a points deduction and if we do I'm not going to sit here and cry about it I'm really not because I despise the people who run our football club and I think it'll be just as air to them it'll be punished as fans but genuinely if they've done that can punish the fans? no that's the famous line that's the famous line but if we have cooked the books so severely then to the point where we need a points deduction then so be it my reading is very I think the points deductions has never been done by the Premier League and all the AFL love throwing points deductions when they thrive on it but the Premier League have never done it before and I think obviously there's 20 members of which 20 shareholders did you not do once for Middlesbray? because they couldn't feel the team when they'd have failed and I'm just saying it's not just the one case they've ever done it for that's where it's never ever been done but certainly never been done for a breach like this I expect I think Everton will have a squad deduction which you can only register 23 players rather than 25 that's one that they seem to love and I think it'll either be a fine or like Peds said they'd transfer back I think the problem Dave for those six clubs if it is six clubs and we don't even know whether that's real or not the Daily Mail so take it with a huge pinch of salt is it just can't get done quick enough there's a right to an appeal first as well so what happens is you're never going to retrospectively take the points off and relegate a club and they go that's just not happening once it's the season done it's done and this is why last season when Bay and Lee Bay's moaned about it and Leeds were part of it once the season was done and Leeds were alright Leeds were like nah mate we're not interested now we've stayed up it doesn't matter so I think don't forget Everton cut side them up a little bit in legality stuff because the Premier League are on record saying Everton didn't have a case to answer last year in that year we're monitoring it we're confident that Everton I mean this is the same period of time that we're talking about Exactly so they've come out and said Everton haven't been able to do anything without the Premier League's guidance for nearly 18 months now Everton couldn't sign a player in January over five million parms without the Premier League saying yes or no so you can't say right you've got the final say over everything we do and so you don't do it you know Everton realistically could have gone out in January and bought a striker and gone we're buying a centre fold forget about what you say we're buying a centre fold cos you're going to try and go after us anyway but we're going to make sure we're so far up the league that when you come for us for the six points it doesn't affect us but we didn't we let them direct what we were doing so they could and we solved the challenge and because they told us we had to so we can't keep going like you've got to sell A, B and C and we're taking money I just don't think it's going to happen I just don't think it can happen I don't know whether this is official but normally the new season starts on the first of July doesn't it normally the way it flicks so how long can you leave how long can you leave it before you if Everton did survive and then we were waiting on this how long can you wait there's a lot of stuff that has to be put in place I just can't say it'd be mad it'd be mad to do that to Everton off one charge and Man City have got 112 charges or something so what's happened to them they don't exist anymore because now let me listen I suppose where this comes from is the fact that I was at Wembley on Sunday for the Papa John's trophy and was talking to a lot of journalists and I came away from it feeling very very flat with journalists who I assumed had more inside knowledge than myself saying that it looked like charges were going to be rushed through and this could actually be pretty sticky for us but now I take your point about the appeal process as well and the fact that that in itself would prolong it beyond the season end or the season flip if you like I'm not saying I'm prepared I think if it was points we could see a situation where like we start next season minus six or minus three or something which is still obviously a rush at the moment that's still a big thing isn't it minus six points If I tell you what you take it next season all day long wouldn't you you would hope you would hope that under Dice you know we could be a safe and solid mid table side at least Oh God absolutely but the truth is none of us know do we we're just waiting at me and I guess the more games that go by and nothing's really progressed in terms of dates being given and all of that then the weeks are flying by it comes down to the commission as well doesn't it the commission well it's not the Premier League simply putting a case together to hand over to like a CPS would to a court to hand it over so the commission will say and then like you said they haven't could tie them Lionel Hutz when he's representing us could tie them up I don't know but that's what it comes down to Dave that's what it comes down to if we get relegated because of the Premier League taking points off us this close to the end of the season I personally think they're outing themselves up to madness from everywhere because it's such a huge decision I think when it's this late in the season to go like we're actually taking six points off you which relegates you from the top flight I think that's a a terrible position for them to be in I mean as you say you know that it's just granted it's a different you know it's just happened to Reading that was a suspended wasn't it it was a suspended wasn't it they could go right we'll give you the suspended as well and if these books come back next season you aren't level or whatever you're gone the nine points is coming in Reading wasn't we're doing it now to you was it so and it's we've got it's the first charge we've ever had so I'll be honest Dave I just can't think of both things at the moment I'm just in that mindset of let's just try and get enough points also I was gonna say if that is the case and they relegate us at least we've got someone to blame as well as well as well as not just Frank it's the owner and the board but we'd also be able to be one of the another injustice force we're never coming back to your corrupt league we're not even playing in your corrupt league we're not even coming back to your corrupt leagues I wonder if fans could sue the Premier League I reckon they can I actually reckon you could get a class act I'm being serious a class action against the Premier League if it was if a decision was made that late for the simple reason that don't forget they're just nonsense rules anyway they're rules that are to stop a club going out of business well no what though if we do need to go down the legal road we can front net because you just come through the legal process he understands it better is this the thing that he's not he's presumably not allowed to talk about we're not allowed to talk about this is why I didn't mention exactly what it is it's blatantly obvious what we're leading to but we haven't said what he was doing there's a couple of nets on the commission that's all I'm saying I was watching Saturday night take away the other night Dave that was I actually I was on a dad cab shift on Saturday so I had to I was sitting in with a cup of tea waiting to meet my daughter at 11 o'clock and I was watching Saturday night take away so you're seeing the Rylan stuff which was hilarious for your vision I thought Rylan was brilliant to be fair but it was bizarre some of the stuff he was doing that he thought was normal he didn't expect any stuff at this stage when he's riding a fella in front of the green screen and all that just on prime time to be fair he was riding a man he rode a man on prime time green suit and all that it was mad he said I've done your vision for six years so nothing's preserved and he done the army and it was a black one that's involved and he was gone from a few years so it just led me to think Dave what is the maddest thing that you've done in your career have you gone to something where you've just thought maybe when you were on radio one and you've been there thinking this is bizarre this is a bit weird but it's bizarre but it's not being get out me here it's genuine but it's crazy what's looks like the maddest thing can you think all's got to be up there with one of the maddest things that I've ever been party to but I mean that was scripted madness really when you think about it it's fully intended but I will never ever forget the moment where I told you this story didn't I about how it works the whole and the what the shapes one wasn't it was that the shapes the long story short is that they fly up to Glasgow which is where they film it so on the show was there was myself and there was John Altman who's nasty Nick from EastEnders there was Sophie Anderton the model and then there was and Diamond right and selection of people and so the four of us are in this people carrier driving from the airport to the studios in Glasgow right this is bearing in mind we've all had to gather at the airport you know when they hold a sign up like when you arrive in Malaga there's a hole in the wall sign and we all have to gravitate towards this thing but what really what I thought was mad was in the back of the car and I was sort of saying to them so you know what do you think about this then they go all of them kind of looked at me kind of go I don't even know what the show is and I was a bit like hang on so you just on the basis that your agent or whatever has said you know you need to get on that flight and go to Glasgow for a telly show not a clue what this is entailing and I've then got to describe to these three shocked faces opposite me about the fact that well they're going to stick you in some type fitting silver suit right and then with a red crash helmet on there and then you're going to stand by the side of a swimming pool in a studio in Glasgow while these weird shapes come towards you and you have to bend your body so as to make the shape to go through the gap in the wall and honestly you know and they were just looking at me like I was like I was mental because it sounded like I was so that that in itself has got to go down as one of the weirdest things and didn't you end up between on diamonds legs I did yeah yeah yeah I did end up between on diamonds legs or she was between someone was between someone's legs it involved either her between my legs or me between her legs coming down a slot because that I mean just as if the whole thing wasn't weird enough as it was you know you actually enter the stage area by coming down what's effectively a kid's slide in unison and then you arrive sort of haphazardly on this stage and then off you go for so yeah that was that was weird but you can understand why Ryland then got tricked into doing riding the man in a green suit on national tv on a satin I think the funniest thing about that was a green gyms basically I thought it looked like I don't think that's a technical thing but it looked very much like because basically what these fellas do is they wear the suits and then they can be replaced or they can you can get like two of them lifting the man up and then they get it to get I've seen something recently but when he was riding the man he basically then put a motorbike on a trough it looked like he was like the fella had a weld on his head and against him it was the lean and the tower of peace isn't this what no lead ones was doing 30 years ago probably but he was just it was all to do with your revision so he was just thought he was making this the things mentioned Liverpool loads obviously because that's where it is but it was just a bit mad the thing I just want to go back to just when you were saying because it always makes when I watch things like I'm a celebrity or whatever and they're gathered like the person who's explaining what's going on and we know when you see celebs and they go oh no I've never seen the show what like I don't know what to expect what's it about I've always thought no I'm not having that people don't sign up for things without knowing what it is but you're telling me these other three just went oh okay I'll get on this plane and go to Glasgow for something you don't think about and I totally agree because you know I don't think that you know we're all fairly normal rational people and yeah you don't get on a flight to Glasgow unless you have a vague idea why you're going but all I can say is that all of them looked at me completely open-mouthed and blank-faced and you know if they had seen the show or had an idea what it was then they certainly masked it well but yeah I just seem to be the only one that was explaining it to them I'd seen the show anyway it wasn't on series link or anything but I'd seen it so I knew what I was getting myself in for but you know when you're in a situation like mine and people offer you to do stuff then you know you go and do it people kind of go oh would you do this if you got offered if you could do this if you got offers like yeah of course if they were paying me it must be a very nice situation to be in when you're one of these people who kind of goes yeah I'd never do the jungle me I'd never do strictly you know it's not me hang on how on earth can you turn down you know fees that are starting at say 50 grand upwards and these are for real kind of you know the biggest shows yeah I mean how can you be that person that may have turned down a quarter of a million pounds to spend two weeks in the jungle for example he can't go got 400 grand yeah but he's a prick no he's a prick no one's denying that but he's still got 400 grand I'm just saying he has to live with the fact that he's a no I think you're right that but obviously the best one I didn't get 400 grand for Holland Wall let's just clarify that coach too I think I think the best one to be on without knowing what it would be would be the mass singer imagine saying your agent said you've got a gig for you you know here's the date just turn off you might be away for a few days so prepare yourself and then you get there and stuff you in a hedgehog costume and say you've got to sing Kylie that's the dream for me but you know you face stuff then Kylie now listen the amateur psychologist in me would suggest that you said hedgehog because you were thinking about Matt Hancock and obviously the previous conversation maybe you had a prick on the inside and the outside I think you've right Dave I think you've gone Dave Freud Dave Freud there tell me about luck there he is I mean don't forget that is very much my image he's gone into the podcast Dave's just laid down on his couch Dave's like gets he's got a two clock session he's like tell me about your hedgehog tell me why did you think of hedgehog I mean Dave that image then of you laying down on your couch was very much my image of you in the studio so it was very chilled so what would yours be if you had any in our rock and roll lifestyle the madest thing can you think of any not really watching you play bubble football was weird that was intended we haven't done anything bizarre have we Ian Wright driving into into a a very small room office in London taking out all the photos on the wall as his handle ripped across the wall it was like do you ever remember the video for the librarian girl and then two people coming on motorbikes he did road in on his motorbike so we were at a launch event for a thing we used to be part of Bull Street back in the day and Ian Wright was a shareholder and it was just these two double doors it was by Victoria in London and these two doors were just open it was a gorgeous sunny day and he just rode in on this Harley all those double doors and as I said we all had to jump out the way and pictures on the wall of Razoruddock and other people they all smashed and he just got off his bike and started out started talking that was a bit weird that was a bit weird we haven't done anything too mad thankfully jumping off the top balcony was a bit mad yeah jumping off the thing jumping off the cliff in Wales was a bit mad are we talking ziplines here the ultimate zipline what was mad about that was the felody was about to press go for us then got a phone call that his wife had gone until he had to get off and he left us hanging literally for ages while he switched it around that was a bit mad I was just thinking that other stuff must have come into my head I did have a weird random moment where I sat there once and I thought what on earth is going on where I got invited back to I think it was 2012 or something so the year after I'd done Dancing on Ice I got invited back because they did like a sort of all-stars thing which you know I obviously wasn't part of because I was shit but I got invited back and it was a bit like they had everybody who'd ever been on it and at one point I was sat in this marquee in the car park of Elstree Studios on a white sofa being handed like a drink or something and I was there with Christopher Biggins Rosemary Conley and Chico and I was just thinking you know when you just kind of you know you just sat there and you just think can life get any more weird than this and then Kerry Katona turned up and then her and Biggins were having a kind of you know a little sort of jokey spat and it was just really odd really really odd That's tremendous Dave, I mean you're shitting there thinking It's like an odd dream though isn't it The white sofa as well The white sofa and the marquee which is almost sort of a dream like in itself but you know you're there kind of talking to Biggins and then oh hi Chico and then Rosemary Conley Rosemary Conley incredible Chico Alunetic It sounds like an audition for a panto that could be Dave wouldn't be auditioning I tell you what I'm fully available for a panto That's good wedged that isn't it Panto strictly come dancing the jungle Dave Bitty is available Speak to Dave Bitty management Absolutely, get it done Got a few questions Jacque says who would you like to play you in a biopic and what are your movie guilty pleasures We said there's no movie guilty pleasures We just like movies whatever they are That might be 10 things I hate about you It could be she's the man It's not it's never she's the man It could be terrible terrible 10 things about us 10 things I hate about you It could be a night's tale I mean there's a theme in this I'm trying to think it could be What does Ned love Ned wrote back mountain Ned watched these all that recently didn't he This amazing new film She's all that that we bought The girl in it's 39 now She's probably not She's in a Christmas film Was she in a Hallmark film or she Was that your guilty pleasure I mean if you're going to categorise something as a guilty pleasure The Hallmark channel about Christmas I will tell you where a girl discovering that she's going to marry someone she's never met Now normally what it is is that she gets sent back to a town that she grew up in but we've left to close down a business She goes back because she's like this high flying guru Go back or he goes back and whoever's running it is obviously single in this town And sweet thoughts Not always sad or sweet but sometimes The guy who she abused but not physically You know what I mean But the day and they end up liking each other and they both shave the business because of the gold I don't mind that in November So Dave who would play you in a biopic I think someone like Idris Elba I can see it I can see it to be fair I can see him chat on a culture big I can I think he's cool I think he's an action guy he's relatable I think he would be He would be a good choice someone like him Everton Sheaethon Fair play I'm thinking more like Eddie Marson would play you Dave I don't know who Eddie Marson is He was in He'll know him He's an English actor He's in Ray Donovan He's in What else is he in I was thinking the Taro Martinis I was thinking Eddie Marson Eddie Marson M-A-R-S-A-N Show me him Hang on Is there any kind of luck of Dave Eddie Marson He's brilliant right I know who you mean He's there I don't know whether that's you You love it isn't he He's the canoe man What a programme that was What a programme I do know who you mean The first thing I've ever seen him in He was in Game On He was in Game On He's 54 Dave I'm not concare him with this Ma'n nesrwm ar ti'n sy'n sy'n rhan i'r entymolant striker atio I think He's a footballer He might want to act in Dave Vittie's biopic Is this a hallmark show It's a hallmark show All Channel 5 I don't mind admitting I've heard this before I have been compared to He's taller and certainly more flamboyant than I am Greg Revill Howard One of my favourites Do you know what I don't like about him Is how he's had to tone down On strictly As he I used to like him a long time ago He'd all go You're a crap what he's talking about And now he's just like oh yes Need to just improve the tone People want to see Stop messin' about If he said Tony Adams is anything other than crap Than he's seen it Ma'n kit nesrwm ffollowing on Who's playing you Ma'n short Ma'n short Ma'n short That's net Do you know who I think Who was the guy that was in the responder Who was the guy that was in the responder Ma'n freeman Ma'n freeman Ma'n freeman I think Do you not see that I can see it I can see it Adaf dda Adaf dda noch clyw ni o'n ni edd Cos he changes me anyway Ma'n kit nesrwm I think You're a bee bunty Cos he literally looks the same We're twins Many pictures of us Where we look exactly the same Ma'n kit nesrwm Ffollowing on from my three flavours of crisp In a bowl with a drink How about three types of crisps In a bowl This isn't a sex thing No Dave No keys in a bowl Crisps in a bowl You win If you had to have three types of crisps In a bowl what would it be It's different when you don't read So he's got frazzles Pro and cocktail pringles and steak macaws What is going on I mean it's a good Is this what you did last week Yeah so come on Three types of crisps in a bowl Definitely Pro and cocktail Walkers Ok shout Beef Monster munch Possibly the hot and spicy one But I'd probably go beef monster munch Ok not pickled onion Never I don't like the way they kind of see me lips We had a discussion about this to the day Dave And I think it was my right on My friend Ned who actually brought this up saying There's only one way you would ever eat pickled onion Crystal and it would be the monster munch It can only be monster munch You would never eat another version of pickled onion crisps You would only ever eat the monster munch And I think that's important It is important but Dave's not having it I'm not having it Are you allowed to include those onion rings That you get in the green packets In the supermarket So onion rings Yeah but not like real Yeah but they're crisp aren't they Well there's no onion rings Ringo's were almost onion rings I don't know I don't know You're not even the best rumour in the band Not him From now on I will not be replying To any more fan mail Oh God can you remember that Classic Classic Ringo So you've gone onion ringy But the one you buy in the shop Bro'n cocktail walk is mummo Oh beef monster munch you went in I feel like I haven't really given Three proper crisps there I think no one will have proper crisps We done it last week so we couldn't go with it It's a potato then I'll find it Thomas R Says would you rather be able to run At 100mph without ever getting tired Or be able to fly But only up to 15mph I mean this is the question That everyone wants answering I think I don't know I think fly Fly at 15mph So they've both got their own problems If you could run at 100mph And you come into contact with another person Then they're dead aren't they If anyone's watched the boys you'll see this They'll splatter But if you fly and this is a problem with flying If you've ever got your mouth open for any period of time You can't just shite going in there You know what I mean 15mph is pretty slow isn't it Hang on you go on a bike You know what it feels like When you go at 15mph on a bike It doesn't feel like 15mph on a car For physics I think for me flying all day long Because it's just It's a new It's a new experience And one that I would be keen to try Would you wear a helmet? For both You have to wouldn't you I wouldn't want 100mph I think What if I could vary my speed But if I've got to run 100mph No matter I'm going to the shop and I'm there You're wrecking your trainees aren't you Well it's a bit alright better It would be the braking I think That's the problem Are we gradually breaking or are we just Do we hit a wall almost My angle's a goose as it is Because you've got to give yourself that And how are you going to work out You've got to go back to me highway code If I'm travelling at 70mph Do we just know this Do we know what our braking speed is So if we go in the shop And it's under my arm we can see the shop Slaths low and down to make sure we don't Splat into doors But how are you getting home with the bags You can't run under my arm If you've got milk Or whatever it's gone If you've got milk and sweet it's gone Unless you adopted a backpack Approach Which would be the way that I am This is something that I did during lockdown Granted not 100mph No but it was just But you know the way that you're only allowed out Of the initial things which you might For a case was going to co-op on a daily basis To go and get that day's supplies It was actually quite nice to shop in the old fashion way And just go and get what you needed that day You know if you were going to make a Shepher's pie that night off you went to go And get your mince and urine and stuff like that You didn't stop our toilet paper did you Dave No just wanted that clarifying Do you know what actually And I feel bad about myself I did at one point I did at one point Secum to the national panic No Dave I was one of those people that went to Aldi And I was there when it opened And literally came in And everybody went straight for the The aisle where the toilet paper was And the thing was and the ridiculous part Of that is that you were allowed To get three items and three items Only But they were still in toilet rolls In parts of 12 24s and stuff like this So technically you could walk out with What's three 24s 72 You could walk out with 72 toilet rolls How did you get them in your ruxach? Oh no I didn't I took the car to Aldi Aldi's to further Okay fair enough Dave The co-op I took my ruxach You see when you were talking about your ruxach And travelling with things I could only see In paddle boarding to get the pasties And thought well Dave has been through this kind Of the thing you were all going paddling At that point And paddle boarding to Aldi On a road wouldn't it really be Paddle boarding Aldi That's where he boarded the middle He only went for 72 toilet roll I tell you what it would have been It would have made more sense If I had boarded it in the middle aisle Of Aldi a little because I actually got My paddle board on Facebook marketplace I remember the story Dave Some fella turned up with a builders fan Yeah I remember it It was all totally legit obviously I feel like Dave You've got a paddle board and it worked Just be happy So we're going with flying at me The running's off Yeah the running you can't You just couldn't do it It's not feasible Thomas I'm sorry mate But it doesn't work It doesn't work It's a great question You didn't give us any background Is whether we knew our Breaking distances and all that Do you think that Thomas showed promise I do, I think it's promise and Thomas I think he should be Prepared in his one for next week Joe Mack said what would be the Worst flavour crisps you could think of For instance egg flavour crisps Or baked beans flavoured The disgusting Joe Mack's not Joe Mack's more He wants more but he does want more But he's only got one question Worst flavour crisps Dog poo flavoured crisps What you've done there Is you've just thought of something that You know what to No no no but think of something that That would may well Something edible but if you put it in You'd be like oh my god Goat Goat flavoured crisps Goat poo flavoured crisps What about something like Coffee flavoured What are you going to say then Coffee flavoured crisps Something like that where it I don't even know why Dave's Wanted to do that right man Because you know you shouldn't really Be eating coffee as a crisps So that would Cos that's how we eat me Chris I mean it don't need to matter I've heard of a toffee crisps But never a toffee crisps Dave I see what you did there And what an underrated sweet Soffie we will do that next week That's like a selection rock box But we can affection Let's not bleed into next week's content I just want to say Just want to set it up That's like the only kind of chocolate And we may do more on this next week That's a kind of chocolate you probably only eat When you get in a selection box You wouldn't go in and pair Actively look for it No Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave I'm metaphorically putting me hand on your lips Let's go on Dave fingers on lips Fingers on lips So what Dave what's your most disgusting flavour You could think of that edible Don't just think of like former crisps or something Something that would edible but would be a crisp I think see I Yeah go on go on Dave Goat I don't know what goat tastes like Dave obviously doesn't like goat Well I just don't like that I just don't really like Dave The premise of it It's a very funny smell down there I think I haven't been around enough goat To verify this That's the difference between us city liven And Dave You know Dave's got me took pictures of them riding a bike With his backpack on or under a mile an hour Cos that's what he does while paddle boarding But what's yours then You can't have the one you said before It's got to be edible No it's not Well the dogs eat dog poo I'm sure people will agree with me though That would be a pretty terrible favourite Orange club Oh yeah Baz loves club Now that's sorry I'm taking my coffee away Orange club Right Let's move on that's disgusting Oh yeah You've got a real problem with orange and chocolate No Orange club Honestly I just already How can that be That actually used to be the favourite in my In my school My hairs are now sticking up on my arms Even you saying it Is making me a little bit sick in my mouth And yeah we had the national set for orange twales I don't mind an orange twales The difference I could eat three twales on the run I couldn't eat more than one of them things Halibut crisps Halibut crisps Okay Final one then From Keith Hall Says if you could have ran on to the pitch To confront Harry Kane What would you have said to him Cos you're not going to run on him like lamp on a shoulder I'd have said exactly what I said before That it was just embarrassing That he should be embarrassed To have acted like that And it is laughable And he should have be ashamed of himself I wouldn't have time to say as much as that No Just with him Just for five minutes I think that's what you'd say Cos he was embarrassed And then that's what we'd shake I'd say he's been a very naughty boy That's what I'd say too Absolutely You shouldn't be ashamed You should be disappointed Disappointed in yourself Disappointed in yourself Disappointed in yourself Disappointed in yourself I mean that bush could have just run And he would have just said That's my name wouldn't he Bush would have ambushed him And then come up with that's my name So there you go What a way to finish They've got to go So we've got to go as well So that is the end of this week's part I'm sure bush will be back next week I tell you what I bet he's not I tell you for why It's Easter holidays I hate to deliver disappointment To the audience in advance It's not a danger he's going to be here next week I'm going to have a counter argument Say he will be back Just to keep the audience in suspense I'm going to chase him and ask him to be back Dave So let's see who's right Is the Vitty right once again With his prophecy Do it at the last minute and ambush him There you go Get back on the show you tit Let's leave it there big thanks to Dave See you later bye