 We're gonna talk about why men over 40 don't want a feminine woman. They want this instead. All right, so let me tell you why I'm getting into this conversation today because many of you who follow my work know that I really don't like a lot of the feminine energy rhetoric. And what I mean to say, well, there's there's a couple different focuses in this area. There's there's this one narrative about being feminine just surrender to the masculine and let the man lead the process, both in the dating and the relationship. Okay, that's one segment of the narrative. And within that narrative, there is an empowerment for the feminine, for the female in that dynamic, in that coaching. They talk about it more feminine energy. And I'll lean into this in a little bit more in a second. Then there's this whole other rhetoric that's being sold in the in the red pill, the blue pill communities about how women must be go back to a traditional way of being in a relationship to be fit, friendly and submissive is what a lot of a lot of coaches out there are selling women to be in a submissive role and it's because they believe that the masculine, the males are the ones who build the world and women should just be grateful that a man would support them. Now, if you follow my work, you know, I am ridiculously against something like that because you cannot be dependent on another person for your livelihood. I mean, you can be, but to be dependent on another person for your livelihood for your entire life could be setting yourself up for failure. So I think it's important. So I want to talk about these two in a moment because if you're in your 40s, I think it's a whole different dynamic, 40s, 50s, 60s, if you will. Whole different dynamic that when you're in your 20s or 30s because if you're in your baby making years, your desire for who you're going to mate with is going to be predicated on a lot of different factors than those of us who are in our 40s, 50s, or 60s. And since my audience is midlife, we're going to lean into that because the reality is is those over 40, roughly about 75% of singles, I believe over 45 years old, and this is anecdotal, this isn't an actual statistic, are divorced. And so with divorce comes a whole different set of luggage, whatever you want to call, certainly different than someone in their 20s and 30s. And so for the men who are seeking relationship and ladies, I know this title probably could irritate you a little bit because it's all predicated on what the man wants. And I'm here, my channel is all based on what you want. So if you need some support with that, check out the link to a discovery call with me because my whole area of expertise is helping women decide what they want. The videos here is because ladies seem to be more focused on what men want. And I'm here to say, you have to focus on what you want. Now, what do good healthy couples want in a relationship? They want companionship, they want connection, they want sex, and they most want commitment. That's what they want, those people who are genuinely ready to lean into a fully committed relationship. So why is it that the dating marketplace today is such a mess, especially for those of us in our 40s, 50s, or 60s? It's interesting. I'm wearing my Partridge family T-shirt. I had a big crush on Shirley Jones growing up. And she was in her 40s raising children and she didn't actively date. It would have been interesting to see how she would have dated back in the 70s when this show was aired. But today it's such a different place to date right now because there's so many... The dating apps, the dating, these things have changed the way we meet people. But more importantly, this is really critically important. Back in the day, 50 years ago, and if we go back to Neanderthal days, most of the time you met somebody in your tribe, in your village, in your town, or in your workplace. And for the most part, we were raised with people who were most like ourselves. In other words, they shared our values. Our lifestyles were similar. We knew each other's family and friends. And so it was a completely different environment 200,000 years in Neanderthal, up until 50 years ago for the most part. And now we're in a melting pot of so many different personalities, so many different values, so many different lifestyles that makes it incredibly difficult to sift through the needles in the haystack, which is why a lot of dating coaches are selling you on rhetoric that makes it even more confusing. So I'll come back to this feminine energy piece because, again, I share with you, I have kind of a heart on for it. It's because I think women set themselves up for a failure if you expect the man to be the leader of the relationship process, especially men in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, because if you've gone through a divorce, there can be an emotional content, it could be emotionally devastating, it could be contentious, or you could even have a contentious ex-spouse that is muddling in the relationship, or you could have children that could muddle into the relationship that makes it very difficult. So just leaning back in your feminine energy isn't going to work if you're dealing with a potentially dysfunctional human being. I know you all want to focus on the Prince Charming type of guy, and I get it, you know, you want to be with those men who are the growers and the builders, those who know what they want, but the reality is the vast majority of humans are either dysfunctional or have clinical emotional health issues. We're dealing with an emotional health crisis here in the United States, and I suspect around the world as well, of not feeling good enough, not feeling lovable, and not feeling likable. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work, to be a vaccination to, by the way, there's a link below to get the book in the description. It's like a vaccination to emotional chaos. You're probably going, Jonathan, you're rambling. You're not really focused on this topic. Well, I think there's a lot of moving parts to understand how two people can really connect with one another, and I'm going to share my own personal story in a moment to give you an example of why it's not about being in your feminine energy that's going to attract a great guy in your life, why it's more important to be in your empowered energy and what to do differently than the narrative of just sitting back and letting a man lead the process. Let me just say this, ladies. You're giving the job to the wrong person. Most men in their 40s, 50s, or 60s are rather clueless. They're winging it. They're winging it, winging it, and winging it. You are in charge of your relationship, Destiny. This is why I continually now recommend the book, Why Men Love Bitches. This is a great empowerment book because it's about, listen, it's not about being in your feminine energy. It's a bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, it's about being in your empowered energy because the dating rhetoric is set up to be men are the leaders of the process, and I'm here to say you're giving the job to the wrong person. If you really want to change your perspective on this and you really want to be enlightened in a way that you might find real love in your life, I highly recommend reading this book if the Buddha dated. It throws out all the gender rhetoric and says, how can we connect at a heart-centered level? How can we really connect without the stories and the expectations? How can we connect with another human being? So, most of you know, I've shared publicly, I'm now in a relationship that's almost two months old now, and it's a long distance, and most of you know that I'm not a big fan of long distance. By the way, the reason why I'm sharing, what I'm about to share is because I want to share what my girlfriend did to kind of hook me. And I don't mean she hooked me, it's how our relationship began from a very empowered place because this is really what I think is the crux of how two emotionally healthy people can get together. So, bear with me a second. So, just share it, I'm in a new relationship. Look, let me just say this, could it implode a week from now, two weeks from now, absolute, or month from now, six months from now? Yes. Am I premature in sharing this? Maybe, but I also know that this is part of my journey to share what I go through because I want to both be a guide and also share in a way that helps as many people out view things from a different way. Okay, and it's a long distance, I'm not a big fan for that, that other than the one benefit of long distance I didn't contemplate before, if two people genuinely are commitment ready, okay, this is the tricky part, if two people are genuinely commitment ready, it accelerates the conversation about the idea of either, of actually taking it from distance to either living in the same city or moving in together. They're the one benefit of long distance for two people who are genuinely, I know I'm repeating myself, genuinely commitment oriented is it accelerates the conversation. One thing she and I have done is something called radical honesty. It's what I teach in my private coaching. Radical honesty is about laying your cards on the table very early on. It's why I continually recommend the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, Before You Have Sex with Someone. Read this book together, at least read chapter one to determine if you're on the same page. What she and I did, what she and I did has nothing to do with feminine energy, it's about individual empowered energy. So really quickly I want to share, she wrote me first on a dating app, or dating site, it was match.com. She emailed me first, she wasn't waiting for the man to email, she emailed me first. And I said, look, it's long distance, I'm not interested, she says I'm thinking about moving to Los Angeles. I live in Los Angeles, she lives in Chicago. And then I wrote her back, said that, and she wrote me back a beautiful message of why, I should consider her. Now, not in a desperate way, in a way of saying she shared that she really liked my profile, she liked what I shared, she liked my photographs, and so she made some effort and I really liked it, so we got on the phone. But I'll be candid with you, our first phone call didn't really hook me. And I don't want to get into the particulars until I get her on video and I'll let her share it. So what happened next is she followed up a week later. And again, our phone call was nice, it just wasn't overly, well it was intentionally, it wasn't romantic, it was just getting to know one another. So when she reached out a week later, I shared with her what I felt uncomfortable about our phone call and she acknowledged it, she acknowledged it, she didn't go into this passivity, so she, first off, she took action, okay? She didn't put more action than me, she just simply took action. That's one thing you're going to want to consider when it comes to men in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, is taking a little bit of action, okay? A relationship is like a two-lane street, you're both driving at the same speed. She took just a little more action than me and when she reached out and I shared what I didn't like about her phone call, she acknowledged it and then we ended up having a four-hour conversation. Ladies, if you're sitting waiting for the man to do everything, you're going to be waiting, you're going to have cobwebs covered over you because men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, listen, we've been burnt, we, many men feel burned in their past relationships, they're really tired of making all the effort. It's men appreciate women who make effort. So that's number one. Number two, what I really appreciated about her, she didn't go into victim consciousness, she was in a level of victim, here, let me do it, victor consciousness when she shared, she took ownership of what happened and we ended up having a four-hour conversation. What happened next? She made, she invited, I think we invited each other to become Facebook friends. With one another and we just started to follow each other on Facebook as friends, because there was a distance thing and I didn't want, I really was against beginning a long distance relationship. So, but one thing I really admire in her is her victor consciousness. And there's another thing that happened. I talk about this in my emotional maturity videos, is when we were having this disagreement, she was really open and listened to what I, it wasn't even a real disagreement, but there was a tiny bit of conflict. She was open to listening to what I had to say. And oftentimes humans go in their corner, they become very defensive in communication. This is why I continually recommend these two books, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. An amazing book, this should have been called Compassionate Communication, because one of the things I really like about her is her ability to have real compassionate communication. Another book, I hear you, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationship. This is all to learn how to communicate so much more effectively. Ladies, I know your greatest gripe is communication and relationship. And many of you have this fantasy that you're good at communication. Communication is a skill that requires a lot of good communication, I should say. We all talk, talk, talk, talk to one another, but good communication is a skill. This is why I recommend these books so you can be better prepared for when you meet someone, you can handle these little bumps in the road and that's the other thing. The feminine energy woman is just going to retreat when there's a bump in the road. Whereas an empowered woman says, wow, they're curious, they go beyond the surface. Mainly because they have a level of empathy and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings, empathy is I care about the other person's feelings and more importantly, I do care about my own feelings. That's an empowered way to do it instead of just leaning into your feminine. And certainly I don't want any of you to be those submissive women I talked about in the beginning of this video. And lastly, what I admire most about her is her ability to be transparent, transparent. If it's material to the relationship or material to something she thinks I should know, she speaks up. Like I said, the long distance allowed us to lay the cards on the table very early on. And I'm so grateful that we were able to do that because I believe it's built up stronger bond between the two of us. Now, I happen to be the leader in this component because she isn't schooled. I'm a folks, I'm a little bit of a unicorn in the sense I study this stuff, I teach this stuff, I'm immersed in a day in day out. She wasn't necessarily schooled in this. So, I mean, she gets the benefit of me leading this. But I'm here to say, ladies, women are the emotional containers of the relationship. I want to share with you the four pillars of connection. I hope you can see that. Okay. Mind, body, spirit, and emotions. Well, men are the top half, the mind and the body. That's where they tend to focus their energies. And women are more better suited to be covered the spiritual and emotional side of a relationship. This is why I'm here to invite you all to take charge of your relationship, Destiny, by being the leader of emotional intimacy. Do what I did with her and take the lead on emotional intimacy by discussing your feelings, share at inviting him to share his feelings as well. It's one of the things I teach in my private coaching is the questions you should ask based on your personality to invoke this from a guy, to get him to open up to you because ultimately, let me just say this, I didn't become this way because I followed men. I become this way because I started to follow women and listen and listen to listen. So you are actually the emotional containers of the relationship. And just by reading a few of these books and becoming schooled, you will actually be able to invite a man to actually be able to lean into his heart. Because it's not about just sitting back and expecting him to take the lead. It's about you taking charge of your relationship, Destiny, and being an invitation for him to open his heart. And I can tell you that the women who follow my work and I'm getting calls every other week from a client who's worked with me, Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. And they know the difference. It's because they take charge of their relationship, Destiny, and don't leave it up to the guy. By the way, and folks, let me just say, it's a two lane street. You're both traveling at the same speed. Equal and mutual investment in one another. That's my invitation for everyone. All right. I think that'll be a good place to wrap up today. I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below. If you'd like to schedule a discovery call with me, click the link. Join my group called Midlife Love Mastery, where I shoot videos just like this for those in the group. Follow me on Instagram. Please like and subscribe to my channel. I'd be grateful and share this as well. All right. I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Berg of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a Pet, a teddy bear pillow. Here's a teddy bear. And give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye.