 I'm Wendy Lo, and I'm your friend as we journey to take your health back. We are coming to you live from downtown Honolulu from the studios of Think Tech Hawaii. Think Tech Hawaii brings you topics from about 45 very colorful show hosts with very diverse topics and backgrounds. Today we'll be learning how to communicate with confidence. Communication is a key to building relationships. You can expect great results. A happier and healthier life when you communicate with confidence. So I too am a student and I too am learning. We will be discussing how do you create great relationships, have less stress and communicate with clarity. What I would like you to take away from today's discussion is communication impacts all relationships. Today I am very honored and welcome. My special guest Nikki K. Hoho, I've known her for about 15 to 18 years and it's just been a very excellent communication journey since meeting her. She is a CEO, co-founder of, I call it DSWA which is Direct Sales World Alliance and Coach Excellence School. Nikki K. Hoho began her career as a teacher and has been in a traveling year most of her life. Probably she was born that way. Right? I'm pretty sure you're going to hear a lot about that because that's all I knew. She turned what her passion of communication is into a business. So she's getting paid for doing exactly what she wants to do. She's built successful businesses, held executive positions in the US and international company. She has spoken at conventions all around the world and has consulted to hundreds of companies. Nikki is a certified business coach through the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches. Wow, she is also a best-selling author. When did you find the time to write girl? An international speaker and has received numerous awards such as a top 30, top 30 entrepreneurs in America, okay, top 25 entrepreneurs in Hawaii and is a national advocate of the year for working mothers. Welcome, Nikki. Well, thank you, Wendy. Wow. And you find time to travel all over the world. But before we jump into that, Nikki, I want you to tell our viewers a little bit about Nikki and what makes you, what's fun for you and what's your life like? Well, thanks, Wendy. Yeah, I'm very blessed. I've met my husband 50 years ago. We've been married for 40 years. Bafri is the love of my life and we have two beautiful children, my daughter Grace, who was on the show a few days ago, and our son, Dane, and we have 10 grandchildren. Wow. And it's a blessing to be able to have time with them, to get to see them, to get to know about them. And I go to my granddaughter's volleyball tournament. She's on a college team up in Washington. And my grandson's playing football, and my little granddaughter's playing football, too. She's pretty darn good. Yay! Wow. They're all busy and full, and we love our life. And they're very tall. All tall. Very tall. So, Nikki, how tall are you? I'm six feet tall. Six feet. And staff. Your husband is? Six, two and a half. Six, two and a half. And your son? Eight, six, four. And Grace? Grace is six feet. We hover around six feet, but we go from six, nine on down. There's no small people anywhere in our family. Right. So you're not going to see me stand up on this show. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. I'm going to sit down. And we fell in love with your heart and your direction on guiding women and men, I suppose, towards better communication. So that's guiding them towards better health and wellness, because as we know, when you communicate better, less stress, because you have that gift to communicate your heart and your mind to others. And that's so important, right? So on Nikki, where did you begin and how did you start this global business? I actually was living in Dallas, Texas, and that wasn't really my home at the point. And my daughter had already come back here to Hawaii, so we knew we needed to be together to do this. So we moved back to Hawaii, sold everything, put it all in like the chips are all in to make this happen. And we created a business based on a need, based on what we loved, based on an opportunity to make a difference in the world for people, and we launched a website that was kind of funny. I remember we were upstairs in this little two bedroom condo, all of us in this little tiny place, running the business and living, and we launched the website, we got confetti and we threw it up, and then where are the people? Nothing's happening. So all the marketing started from there, and it's been many years, 18 good years. And that was the DSWA? That's when we started the direct selling. It was the Women's Alliance at that time. Right, see it was. We moved to the World Alliance because the men were trying to sneak into our vans, and we thought, we'll let them in. Give the favor to the woman, because the men need to learn how to communicate better as well. Ah, both. Right? So that's amazing. And I remember it so well, because I kept seeing women's alliance. And so now I know it's the World Alliance, same W, same W, very good. So what percentage of every message is actually based on words? You know, it's interesting because words we think are everything. We think that words are what makes the whole world go round, and it's only seven percent of the message, seven percent of the message. So that's not much when you think about it. And we talk about words a lot, and we're going to be sharing a little bit about it in light and vocabulary later. Why that? Those words are important is because if you use the right words, the message will be clear. But we all got to know that 38 percent of the message is how we speak those words with our tone, our pitch, our speed. All of that is part of how the message is delivered. And then the 55 percent is what we're doing with our body, our physiology. So when you think about this, you know, I can look at somebody and use the right words. I can say, oh, Wendy, you're beautiful today, or I could say, oh, Wendy, you're looking good. I would never say that. I mean, it's two different messages. Oh, two different messages because of the words. The words were the exact same, the body, the pitch, the speed. It's like when someone goes, love your hair, you know, and it's like, OK, that's the wrong message. So we've got to be congruent with our words, our voice, and our physiology, all in alignment so that the message can come through clearly for the people. I mean, so, so key, you know, we, we, when we raise our children, I'm sure you raise your children differently because you have this gift and this skill, and that's why your daughter Grace is following in your footsteps and you work so well together. But a lot of parents, we don't have that automatic gift of communication. You know, I mean, we, we have the hardest time even trying to listen and trying to communicate nonverbally as well as verbally. So it's so key. I mean, I wish everybody could jump in and take a course from you and it would make just life so much easier and better because we could really get into the hearts of people if we communicate better. You know, that's exactly why we're writing a new book that is for parents and for teachers and how to work effectively and learning to not tell a teenager every time what they need to do but to ask and listen. Right. They accept that a lot better than us being the boss. Wow. So what makes communication so important? I mean, we know it's important, but you're bringing it to a different level of importance. Well, we talked a little bit about mental health. See how we look at our life, how we speak and think, all of that matters with, with how far we can go in the world and what we can accomplish. So it's less stress when you use good communication with yourself and with others. It's less stress for the receiver. There's better understanding. There's a lot of misunderstandings out there. Just like when we talked about the 7% of the words, think about texting. And how many people are texting today? Everyone. Yes. And so, you know, someone makes a little text message and you think they're mad. Right. And they're not mad at all. It's just the words were interpreted that way. Right. So for us, being able to communicate more effectively will create more ease in relationships and more fun in life. You know, I think you constantly have to update your skills because what you taught 18 years ago and now with this whole technology, social media, it's a whole different language and it's a whole different, there's a whole bunch of different issues that you have to address like you just mentioned because I mean, I can communicate like this very easily. Yes. I still try to pick up the phone. I still meet a lot of people because I like eye-to-eye contact. I like to see the person that I'm communicating with. But of course, we're of this generation. Yes. A lot of the younger generation, they're not into that. So you have to really hone in on that and try to encourage them to do more of that, is that correct? Exactly. I was in a restaurant a few weeks ago and it was pretty interesting. Mom, the dad and the two kids came and they sat down and they're all on their phones like this. And the waitress comes and the parents order and she said, John, what are you going to order? He goes, I texted it to you. And I went, oh, this is not good. I'm not kidding. Did you read the text? I'm across the table from you. I can talk. Right. But that's where we've gotten in a lot of places. So we want to make sure that we continue in our families and with our elders and everybody around us to communicate, talk and listen. Right. People think communication is only speak. No. It's really listening. No, yes. Listening to understand. Yes. Not listening to fix. Not listening to have the answer. Right. To overcome the objection. Listening to understand. Yeah, I speak. I want to see your face. I want to see your reaction. I want to see your smile, your frown, your sadness, your joy. I want to see it all. You know, and so, you know, we had a rule always at my home on the dinner table, no phones. If you were my guest, no phones, Niki. Yeah. The phone rings. You cannot. And that's just the rule. Especially on the dinner table. Yes. Up and beyond that, it's a different world, but that's the one place that phones are not allowed. It's just like for parents to understand, when you run to rescue that phone, you're saying to your family, that phone is more important than you are. Exactly. Not a good place to be. Yeah. So Niki, how can our viewers begin to use enlightened vocabulary? I mean, like the vocabulary on the texting is so off-skew. I mean, I can't even keep up. So I don't even go there. So you have to talk about this enlightened vocabulary that we're sharing these days. We've been using enlightened vocabulary actually for most of my life, and I learned it from my parents. I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know it was different. I learned that words can either empower me or disempower me. Words can either empower or disempower others. So what I decided was to get a name for it, and we came up with enlightened vocabulary for enlightened people. So you can take out a piece of paper and just draw a line right down the middle, and at the top left-hand side, if you put a minus sign and put the word disempowering, and on the right-hand side, put a plus sign and put the empowering words or phrases. So there's a lot of them. So like the words, I hate. How do you feel when you say, I hate that? Oh, that's not good. It's angst. It's upset. Versus, I prefer this. Right. Enlightened word is, I prefer. Lifts. So words are heavy when they're the wrong kind of words. Exactly. How about this one? I'm overwhelmed. Does everybody go, oh, I can't wait to be you, the leader that's overwhelmed? Yeah. I'm fine. No. They run. So the idea is, instead of I'm overwhelmed, overwhelmed, I have unlimited opportunities. I choose to prioritize. See, victim words are on the disempowering side. Empowering words are for the victor. So there's so, so many of them. This we don't even realize, and people say this a lot, I need to, I should, I have to. Those are words I say, and those are subtle shame words. It's like I'm not good enough. I don't know enough. I need to be doing, I need to be further along. I should be doing that. I have to be doing this. That is a way of shaming ourselves and sucking our energy. You want to have good health? Your energy has got to remain at a high level, not be sucked by stuff that we say to ourselves. So here's the thought around that. Instead of I need to, I should, I have to. I choose to. I expect to. You know, this is all great training because we speak, and it just comes out. Once it comes out, we can't retract. And so by being aware of these words and thoughts, really, I mean like for myself, I always am trying my best to watch what comes out. You know, because I know, and I try to be as positive as I can. Most of the times, sometimes, of course, it slips. But I try, and I consciously try for that. This goal and this level. And if more people would just be aware, just aware of what they're speaking and the impact. Pro and con, happy or sad. You need to be aware of this coming out. Oh, yes. I just have one other one that I just have to share. I have never said this myself, of course. Some of you may have said this, I'm really pissed off. I'm really pissed off. It's such a spitty word. So instead of being pissed off, I'm a little disenchanted right now. Right? It feels different. Yeah. I'm disenchanted right now because we have to take a break. So we will come back after 60 seconds of our commercial time. Mahalo. Hi, guys. I'm your host, Lillian Cumick, from Lillian's Vegan World. I come to you live every second Friday from 3 p.m. And this is the show where I talk about the plant-based lifestyle and veganism so we go through recipes, some upcoming events, information about health, regarding your health, and just some ideas on how you can have a better lifestyle, eat healthier, and have fun at the same time. So do join me. I look forward to seeing you and aloha. Aloha. My name is Becky Sampson and I'm the host of It's About Time. On the ThinkTech Hawaii, a digital nonprofit organization that's raising public awareness Join us on Wednesday at 2 p.m. where we talk about real issues. Some of the topics will include entrepreneurship, health, life skills, and growing your business. So once again, this is Becky Sampson on It's About Time. On Wednesday at 2 p.m. on ThinkTech Hawaii. Mahalo. Aloha and welcome back. We're here today with Niki Kehoho and we're learning how to communicate with success. And we all know that when we can communicate better, it causes less stress on our whole mean or our demeanor. And so that means we'll be healthier and happier just once we learn the gift of communication. And so Niki has already shared with us the right ways to say things and the more right way to say it and how to impact on a positive note versus leaving someone thinking, what did she really mean? And so right now I want to just ask you, what is the difference between speaking with clarity versus contrast? Most people don't realize there is a difference. And on the slide you're going to see a diagram that if you take out your paper and pen you'll be able to write on this paper and fill in those blanks. It'll look like that contrast, clarity. So what is that difference? Contrast speak is things like no problem. What are the words you hear? No and problem. It's a problem. So instead it is the clarity side of that would be that's easy. When someone asks you to do something instead of saying no problem, that's easy. I'm happy to do that. And here's another one, no worries or Aussie friends use that a lot. No worries, what are you hearing? No and worry. I got a lot to worry about here. So instead of no worries, that's easy. So how are you doing today? Not bad, I'm not bad. What are you hearing? I'm bad, I'm really bad. So instead of not bad, I'm great. Thank you and how about you? Wow. To see the difference. And it's so clear when you say it, Niki it's so clear. So it's like how did your thinking affect your results in life? No, I learned that what you think about you bring about. So on this model that you're going to see here on this slide, it is, it's really about the power of your thoughts. Everything begins with our thought. Our most current thought is the most important thought. So what you're thinking right now matters more than what you thought yesterday. So be aware of what the thoughts are, what's going around in that mind. Thoughts will always lead to feelings. And feelings are what move people into action. See, people move to action based on emotion more than logic. We all know if we go to work today that we'll make money that we're feeling like I don't want to go to work so you don't go to work so you don't make any money. So the emotion part of this, the feelings are critical. So thoughts lead to feelings. Feelings lead to action or inaction. And action, if you feel a need to do something and it matters to you a lot, you'll probably do it. But if you feel like why should I bother? It didn't work last time. You probably won't do it. And by the way, action and inaction leads to results. If you don't take action usually there are no results. And if you do take action you are looking for a particular type of result and you'll probably get it because it was based back at the beginning at the thought. So this model of thinking is probably one of the most powerful things that people can learn to stay in a good positive place is to manage our thoughts every day. Wow. You all better have this on your phone and play it all the time when you're driving in the car. You just need to listen to that. How do we manifest a healthier life with healthier thoughts? So profound, Nicky, and so simple. And yet we don't practice that daily and so we wonder why things sometimes are in the little, in the darkness. So we want to bring light into even communicating. Yes. I know that your mother was a very positive person and that's why you become such a great communicator because you were around this. That's why Grace is such a great communicator. So what did she teach you about questions that we ask ourselves? Interesting because I didn't realize how important it was to ask questions until she started asking me. I can remember when I was about ninth grade and I have a big family with a lot of very smart people. They're like genius people. And I say they know what you're doing. I could care less. He's dead. It didn't matter to me. But they studied every day five hours after school and straight A students and those things didn't matter to me. And one day I went to my mom and I said, you know, mom, how come I'm not smart like they are? And she said, Nicky, you are intelligent. It makes you want to do something different than study. I said, because I love people and I want to be with people. And I learned by being with people. So she said, so then let's look at your gifts. What are your gifts? And I said, my gifts are probably around people and understanding people quickly and being able to know what they're looking for and what they need. She said, then let's work with your gifts and your talent. Not at where you think you're not enough. Or if I'd say, why is so-and-so so mean? She'd say, well, Nicky, ask yourself, how can I support her so she'll be nicer? So she reframed things for me when I would say something so that I'd look at it differently. She just was a brilliant person with people. To the day she died. Wow. Oh, blessed were you to grow up with a mother like that. And then I know that Grace is having the same blessing. Well, I'm just, my jaws are a job then. I'm going to hang out with you more, Nicky. Oh, good, please do. I do have to say my son is so good with his children and I watch him when he's doing homework with them or when he's taking them on hikes or bike rides and things. And I watch him and I think, you know what? He is modeling what he's learned. So all the parents that are out there, what do we model for our children so they can grow up and model that for their children? It's us being aware. And just remember, one little thought, when emotions are high, logic is low. If you let your emotions get away from you, you're probably not going to be in a good place to communicate well with people around you. Wow. That's very powerful. You need to come with me when I go to mentor the high schools. I love that. I used to do that a lot. Yes, and because they need to hear communication with Nikki 101, just give them the basic like this and in fact I will probably take this video and share it with them so that they can learn what they weren't really taught at home and as well for myself. I didn't have this sort of mentoring at home and so when I did meet you and Grace really made an impact on my life in the very beginning of my direct sales life and not knowing a lot about communicating effectively. So really watching you and in the beginning we took advantage of all your we'll help you girls, we'll help you ladies and that we did and we did learn a lot and now I'm continuing to learn. So now I'm on communication with Nikki 201. Yes, there's always room for improvement and I just love it. So now what are some ways that our viewers can communicate with themselves to live in the empowerment zone? We must take care of our own self. There's nobody around taking care of us every day. So watching our thoughts and what we focus on and who we surround ourselves with that's all part of it. I want to show you another model because people learn in models and metaphors and this I call the disempowerment zone and the empowerment zone. So around the outside those little X's that are on that DZ the disempowerment zone those are all the things that we have no control over in our lives. Yet we tend to focus on them. So we don't have control over the traffic yet we get upset when we go out in the traffic. We don't have any control over the economy. It's not one of us that's going to do it, it's a million of people that will make a difference there. We have no control over taxes. They're going to be there no matter what. We have no control over the weather. It's going to be rainy today and some people get all upset when it's rainy, when it's too hot, when it's cold. We have zero control over that and when we're out there in that focusing on all the things we have no control over we're the one that's out of control and the big one that we have no control over is what other people think, what other people say, what other people do and if we're focused on trying to fix everybody else in the world we are the one out of control and it's not a good place to be. Now in the middle there in that empowerment zone that's what we have control over and actually we only have control over one thing and that is us what we think, what we say, what we do, how we either react to things or respond to things and if we want to live a joy filled life what are we doing focusing on all the stuff that we can't do anything about. So take the time to really think what do I have control over right now what can I do about this and if there's something you can't do anything about release that thing, put your thumb on your thigh and just push it and just say release, you don't have to do it out loud and in people's faces and you'll be very subtle when you do it but I'm just saying you probably want to let go of some of that. It will make a massive difference in your life. Well my thigh is going to be bruised. That's what happened at first too. But you know those kind of visual effects for me, I always see myself when I'm speaking and when I say too much, I have this zipper over my mouth and I always visualize that and so this thing as well putting my thumb to my thigh that would help me a lot. To release. Here's an easy one though, when you have that and you know you're talking too much just go like this. Just do this just sit here for me like you're thinking and that will zip your lip. You can also do what is that other one that I do but you get really big puffy lips from it. And it's probably not the best one so let's get that one. So Niki, what happens when we have great communication with ourselves and we look confident but we don't feel confident so what can we do we've often found ourselves in that situation. Most people do. You know you can look like you have it all together when you enter the room you stand up and you look at people and you make eye contact you do all that and inside you're a nervous wreck so it's how do you learn to be feeling confident part of it is to not focus on yourself this isn't about me, it's all about them and if I keep the focus there they don't know what I'm going to say I maybe let the whole suction out of what I was saying today nobody knows so I don't focus on what this is me it's more about them which is a really, really valuable thing. A big thing I got to say is don't compare ourselves. We have people compare. So how does someone enlarge your comfort zone real quickly? To enlarge your comfort zone it's get out of your own way you know people say to you all the time get out of your comfort zone well I'm going to tell you what you get out you want to jump right back in there because it's warm and fuzzy so enlarging your comfort zone means that you notice when you took a baby step out and you started to become comfortable in the uncomfortable and that you recognized yourself when you did that you honored yourself you celebrated the baby steps along the way that that gives you a sense of I am comfortable wow sounds so simple when you just put it all in front of us right there Nikki what is a next what is next for our viewers to improve their communication skills and how do they actually connect with you Nikki I mean I want to just jump in your back pocket and just follow you and just listen to you all day long to improve and we can all use improvement so how what is our next step for us. First of all for each person to just be aware of your own inner dialogue what you're saying to yourself notice if the words are empowering disempowering you be aware of the communication and just take baby steps and celebrate along the way and you can reach me by going to Nikki at coachschool.org and you can call that number direct line and I'd love to connect with you and we're so happy to be a part of this program so thanks for having me. Wow 30 30 minutes of great advice of communication advice for better health better mental and every everything about us so Nikki thank you so much for joining us and just sharing your knowledge and your heart with the people here listening. It was a pleasure to be with all of you Mahalo. Aloha everyone.