 Hi everyone, welcome to another Narc Survival Live video. Why is the narcissist no one got attracted to you? When you first met the narcissist, it seemed as though they were very attracted to you. They couldn't get enough of you. They wanted to be with you every day. They wanted to have sex with you every day. It's like it was never enough. And you felt admired. You may have enjoyed the attention. You were flattered by this treatment. That's perfectly understandable. We all want to feel admired. We all want to feel wanted. There's nothing wrong with that. You need to understand how the narcissist's mind works. When they first met you, they idealized you. They saw you as this perfect person. Which you could never live up to. Because none of us are perfect. But in their heads. In this fantasy world that they have created inside their minds. They took a mental snapshot of you and in that moment you were perfect to them. But the problem is you can never live up to that image they have of you. And that is when they begin to devalue you. Because it's either you or them. They have black or white thinking. So one of you has to be the problem. One of you has to be good and the other has to be bad. And that is why eventually they begin to lose attraction for you. And it's like no matter what you do it's never good enough. You can try doing your hair differently. You can try wearing different clothes. You can try and be more handsome. More sexy for the narcissist. But it's like it's never good enough. Their eyes always seem to wonder. They're always looking elsewhere. And it's like there's nothing that you can do about it. But honestly you shouldn't worry about it. Because it has nothing to do with you. Just because a narcissist doesn't find you attractive. That doesn't mean that you're not attractive. And remember they really wanted to be with you in the beginning. You caught their eye. You had their attention. Never forget that. And that is how you should know that nothing has changed in reality. Unless you have significantly changed your physical appearance. Then nothing has changed. The only thing that has changed is in their minds. They're crazy. They love you one minute and then they hate you the next. It says nothing about you though. And you should know that. Don't let it take anything away from you. Don't let it affect your self-esteem. But sometimes be aware of the analysis. It can affect you physically. It can affect your looks. It can make it look like you're aging faster. You may gain weight. You may lose weight. But you shouldn't worry about it either. Because there's something you can do about it. You can go to the gym like I'm doing right now. You can work on yourself. You can get better. You can work on yourself. Because I understand that. When we are with narcissists it does affect our physical appearance and our health. When you're with a narcissist not only will you feel less attractive. But physically it may affect your looks. It may seem like you're aging faster. You're starting to lose your hair. You're getting grey hairs. You're putting on weight. You may get acne because of the stress. You may just look and feel tired. That's just how it is when you're dealing with these narcissists. I mean I saw something about some experiment that they did with flowers and water. And so they had two flowers and every day they would say nice things to one. And they would say negative things to the other one. And one of those flowers ended up growing and becoming beautiful. Well the other one died. The one that was told negative things. And that is the power of our words. And you have to think that these negative words are being said to you every day. They're being spoken to your soul. They're eating you alive. They're affecting how you feel. Which in turn begins to affect how you look. I mean I can understand. In some ways the narcissist perspective, if they're not attracted to us I can see why after we've been involved with them. It makes perfect sense when you think about it like that. Once you've been around someone like that for such a long time there should be no surprise that they're not attracted to you anymore. Because they're no good. Because they drain the life out of you. That's why. And it should be no surprise that once you move on from them and you start focusing on yourself again and you become healthier and happier well then they want to come back. They want to be involved with you again. Because you're not involved with them. It's like as soon as you get away from them then they're attracted to you again. They want to come back. Because they see it in their minds as though if you're so great if you're so special if you're so attractive then what are you doing around me? Why are you off somewhere else with someone better than me? That's how they see it in their crazy minds. But yeah I mean we can blame the narcissist all day. They are what they are. They do what they do. We know that. But at some point we do have to take some personal responsibility. We have to take a look at ourselves look in the mirror and see am I letting myself go? Could I be doing better? Could I be eating healthier? Going to the gym more? Going for a jog? Doing yoga? Could I be doing that? I mean we have to ask ourselves as well. And I think most of us we can always do more. I know I can. There's always ways that I can improve on my exercise and my diet. So as with anything whenever there's negativity, criticism we could always use that to our advantage anyway. It's not something that we have to let beat us down so that we feel bad about ourselves. It doesn't have to be like that. We can use it to help us if it's something we can turn into something constructive. Even though if you're dealing with a narcissist it's probably not intended to be constructive but we can still use it in that way. You can pick it apart and see if there's something we can learn from it. But then on the other side of the coin we shouldn't change ourselves for someone else. If we're happy and we're comfortable with who we are we shouldn't be making extreme changes just to please someone. I mean I do believe that we should all strive to be healthy and happy. You know that's something I believe is that and I think in these times it's controversial but I will say what I believe. And yeah I mean I think we all should try to maintain a certain weight at a certain level of health instead of just being comfortable with it and thinking that it's okay, it's acceptable. It shouldn't be acceptable for you. You should strive to be the best that you can be. I think that's why we're here. I mean we all have our own opinions on that. Some people think that even if you're significantly overweight that's okay and you shouldn't have to change it. You shouldn't have to go to the gym or eat healthier. You can just be that way and if people don't accept you then something is wrong with them. I know that's the kind of mentality that a lot of people have these days but I don't think that way. And if you are saying that to your friend or your family member of course you shouldn't really push that on a stranger but if it's someone that you know and you're just trying to give some helpful advice and you think that they can improve on something then yes tell them. I don't see anything wrong with that. I mean a lot of times when we get triggered by things it's something that we need to look at within ourselves. So yeah definitely I think there's always room for some self-reflection, introspection. I mean that is the one thing that narcissists do not want to do no matter what but that's what separates us from them is that we do self-reflect, we do look within and I think the reason for that is because maybe we genuinely do like our reflection and like narcissists they don't really love themselves, it's fake they hate themselves so if you put a mirror in front of them they're going to run away. So yeah just don't take it personal if they're no longer attracted to you it's nothing personal against you I mean most of the time they are the ones who targeted you they came into your life and they were perfectly fine and happy with you in the beginning sometimes they just get bored once they get used to you once you're too familiar they don't want to get rid of you then you may have been a good source of supply for them in the beginning but as time goes by your supply begins to lose its potency it's not as powerful and effective as it was in the beginning and that is when they need to find new supply and when they start looking for new supply that's when they devalue you that's when they insult you and put you down but also in the relationships with time things start to go wrong things start to not make any sense your reality begins to conflict with their false reality with their false narrative and like I said they have black and white thinking where someone is either all good or bad someone has to be right, someone has to be wrong so if things are going wrong in the relationship it's either you or them so of course they're going to blame you they're going to look down on you everything has to be wrong with you they have to discredit you you have to be the problem that's just the black and white thinking of analysis don't take it personal though it has nothing to do with you remember narcissists don't even see you they just see you as an object that exists to meet their needs all they really see is reflections of themselves or at least a reflection of their false self everything they wish they would everything that they want to be and then a reflection of everything they hate about themselves and in the beginning they project this idealized self into you and then as time goes by they begin to project everything they hate about themselves onto you that's just how it is that's just what they do alright I'm just going to finish my gym workout now I'd just like to thank you all for joining me here today this video was helpful for you please give it a thumbs up down below and as always I will talk to you in another video very soon