 What's up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul, where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And today we're going to be talking about introverts. I've been reading this new book and I'm absolutely fascinated with it. The book is called Quiet. Some of you have read it. It's called Quiet and it's like the secret power of introverts in a world that doesn't stop talking or something like that. And it is amazing because it's helped explain so many things about myself that I didn't fully understand. So obviously you saw the title. Today's topic is can introverts be extroverts? I say introverts, I meant introverts. I've been introverted my entire life, right? But I have these questions that just swirl around my head and I finally found some answers. So something that I often ask myself is, how am I able to do these YouTube videos and be kind of like a beat and charismatic and everything like that? And like, how can I speak publicly? Like when I was working in the rehab, I was doing groups in front of on average 50 to 60 people. Sometimes I'd be doing groups in front of over a hundred people. I've been a public speaker. All these things, right? But at the same time, I spend most of my free time just chilling, reading books. I like to stay in with my beautiful girlfriend Tristan, who's also pretty introverted, right? I live in Las Vegas. I hardly ever go out. I don't really like socializing. A good example is when I go to YouTuber events, like I went to three last year, I went to Playlist Live. I went to VidCon. I went to VidSummit and I'm extremely awkward still. And I don't go around networking like many other YouTubers are in panels. I'm usually just chilling by myself. I'm pretty friendly though. Like if I run into another creator, I'll be like, Hey, what's up? But for the most part, I feel really awkward and comfortable and things like that. Another example is like over the holidays, I went to my company's Christmas party, right? With my coworkers. And whenever I go to those things, I feel extremely out of place. So it seems like these two contradictory parts of my life, right? Like how am I able to be so outgoing in these aspects, but not in these other aspects? So something that people often believe this is, is a term they use and it's an ambivert, right? They're both. Somebody is both introverted and extroverted, right? Kind of like ambidextrous, which I kind of am. I write and eat with my left hand, but I do everything else with my right hand. Like throw a ball and like cut. No, I eat with my left. Whatever. But anyways, I think something we should really be looking at is something called the free trait theory. All right. And this was introduced by a psychology lecturer who also wins like a bunch of awesome awards. And his name is Brian Little. All right. And he's the one who came up with free trait theory. So what the heck is that? Basically, he argues against the idea that we are biologically fixed in certain traits or personality. All right. And Brian Little, he started thinking about this for some of the same reasons that I did. So I really connected with this. So not only is Brian Little like a speaker and he does lectures, you know, for college students, everything like that. But he goes to different events and everything and he can speak to audiences of people. But afterwards, he doesn't really socialize with anybody. Like sometimes he's just so drained from publicly speaking. This is something very common with introverts. We get drained by too much stimuli and too many people, right? And like he even goes as far as to like just like head over to a bathroom stall and just have some alone time, you know? So he was kind of getting his wheels turning too. Like why am I able to do this but not that? So like I said, Brian Little, he doesn't really believe in biological or even psychological determinism. So here's an article that I'll link from Harvard Magazine and I wanted to touch on this part right here. It says, furthermore, Little argues that traits do not exist in the abstract but are invoked in important ways by our personal projects. He defines these common sensically personal projects are meaningful goals, both small and large, that can arrange from put out the cat quickly to transform Western thought slowly. Individuals activate their free traits expressing or stifling inborn tendencies in service of core projects, which are the endeavors linked to their deepest values. Out of love for our wives or kids or our professions, we enjoin ourselves to act out of character, Little says. For example, even though I'm a classic introvert, when I give a lecture for my students, I perform with great passion. Introverts, when they are quote unquote on, become pseudo extroverts. Can you tell the difference between a born extrovert and a pseudo extrovert? Usually you cannot. So to summarize what he's saying is those of us who are introverted can become what he refers to pseudo extroverts. When we are doing something that we really care about or passionate about, right? So much like Brian Little, like I can switch to this extroverted personality when it's something that I'm passionate about, right? This YouTube channel and talking about mental health and psychology and all these other aspects. This is a place where I'm extremely passionate about that when I was, you know, teaching groups at the rehab center. I can be charismatic and outgoing and everything. You know what I mean? We can also look at different events we go to with family members or friends or whatever it is. For example, I can go to a work event of, you know, a friend or family member or go to like a wedding or graduation. And although I'm awkward and uncomfortable on the inside, I can be friendly and cordial and everything like that. Now, something about us introverts like I mentioned a little bit earlier, we get drained. So when I was working at the rehab, like something I was more than happy to do was fill in for therapists and case managers. So typically I have like one group a day, but if a therapist or case manager was out sick or they were super busy, I'm like, yeah, sure, sign me up. And these groups were like an hour and a half long, right? And if I had to do two groups in a day, especially if they were like back to back, I only have like a 15 to 30 minute break in between. I would be drained. All right. Just like psychologically drained because I can't keep it on all the time. So something Susan Cain talks about. She's the author of that book. I mentioned quiet is she talks about the rubber band theory. All right. And I don't know why I'm doing this. Maybe because Tristan has hair ties and our adorable little cat, why it likes to play with them and snap them. Anyways, rubber band theory, right? So for us introverts, we stretch ourselves out and we could be extroverted, but then it snaps back, right? We need to decompress. We need some alone time after we've been really social because being this pseudo extrovert, it's like draining this kind of like life force from us. So something that Brian Little talks about is what he calls a restorative niche. Okay. And this is kind of what you do to refuel. Okay. So for some of us, it's, you know, going outside and taking a break and just being by ourselves. Like Brian Little does. He goes into a bathroom stall and just gets away from everybody. Like this is a terrible excuse for smoking. But sometimes I take a smoke break just so I can get away and have some alone time. You know what I mean? But for example, when I was doing groups at the rehab center, thank God I had an office with a door on it. And after groups, I would just go into my office and just boom, shut the door. And I would just sit there in silence where I could, you know, do other work because that constant kind of stimuli, that's not really my jam. And I'll be doing some more videos on like introverts and being an introvert and like when it comes to like friendships and relationships and everything like that. But for you, if you're an introvert, if you can relate to anything I'm talking about in this video, try to find your restorative niche. And I actually just wrote an article about this on Medium where I talk about setting boundaries as an introvert. And sometimes whether it's at work or whether it's at home, we have to let people know like, yo, I just need to chill for a little bit. And it's not, it's not anything against the other person. It's just what us introverts need. You know what I mean? So this is something that we should tell people like, yo, it's nothing personal. I just need to decompress a little bit. But something else I'll be doing a video on is relationships for introverts. Like luckily Tristan and I were both pretty introverted. So like we enjoy our space. Like I've dated women who that was very difficult. But like I said, I'll save that for another video. All right. But before I let you go, if you have any topics about introverts, whether you're an introvert and have questions or anything like that, I really want to dive into this topic a little bit before I jump into another topic. So let me know down in the comments below or if you know someone who's an introvert and you have questions about it, whatever it is, let me know down in the comments below. I want to put up a poll, but I have like a bunch of different ideas. So I'm trying to figure out a way to do polls and stuff because I kind of want us just start doing like deep dives into certain topics. Like I read 80 books last year and I'm already at 15 books this year. And I just love teaching people or sharing with people what I've learned. I just think it's fun and it's fascinating. You know what I mean? But anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up. And if you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And I want to send out a huge, huge thank you to everybody out there who supports the channel over on Patreon. You're all amazing as well as everybody who supports the channel by buying my mental health books over at the rewiredsoul.com or some of the merch from the merch store, all that good stuff. And if you just watch my videos, that's a way to support the channel as well. All right. But thanks again for watching. I'll see you next time.