 by Jude to enjoy life, like with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Psy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Beswale. Luigi Baskold left Italy to start his new life in America. He promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Baskold in Italy. Mama Mia, there's one thing very good about America. Even though I'm a live ball alone, I'm never feeling lonesome. Because every morning I'm going to get lots of mail from people I don't know. Asking me to buy things I don't need with the money I don't got. Still, it does the letters that are very interesting to read. This morning is a letter from an eye doctor. He says if I'm going to see spots, I'm going to come and see him. I'm going to think it's a funny kind of eye doctor who's all of a sudden cleaning a worker. Also, I'm going to get a letter from an accident and insurance company who's a very kind of heart doctor. They offer me $1,000 if I'm a breaker leg. Even a better than that, they give me $5,000 if I'm a breaker two legs. And the best of all is that they're the biggest offer. $10,000 if I'm a stopper teasing them and adjust the dial. Oh, excuse me, Mama Mia, that's a funny thing. Adjust the one I'm going to write to you about in my mail. Here it comes in my mail. Good evening, Mr. Bascals, special delivery letter for you. A letter for me in a night time? That accident and insurance companies are getting anxious. Here, sign right here. All right, capital L-U-I-G-I, the capital B-A-S-C-O, period. Oh, broke your point. That's all right. Government can afford it. So they'll buy one battleship less. Hey, is it from the city's owner and the commission? What the friend is right to me a letter from a dad? It's not a friend, Mr. Bascals. When there's no stamp on the envelope, it's official business. Good night. Official business? Well, this is something I like. Let me see. This is a representative from this department to be at your establishment tomorrow 4 p.m. This is in a reference to section 560 to J, article 43. If for any reason you are unable to see our representative at this time, please notify us immediately so that we may arrange another appointment. I'm going to take this right to my night school class and find out what this is mean. City's owner and the commission. Why are they making me trouble? I wonder if it could be they see me crossing the street and I'm not in a safety zone. Eyes everybody's awake. Quiet, class, class. That's better. I'll call the roll. Mr. Bascals. Present. Mr. Howard. Present. Mr. Olson. Present. Mr. Schultz. You got to ask. Mr. Schultz, if you're here, just say present. And if I'm not here, what do I say? Absent. Thank you, fellow boobles. I'm so bright you could plug me in a socket. All right, Mr. Schultz. Now, class, let's start our lesson. Excuse me, Ms. Bodding, just now I'm going to get this letter from a discerning commission. Oh, please, Mr. Bascals, after class. The letter can wait. I'm not sure what the letter got to do. Tell it to close its flap and sit down. Our lesson today is on poetry appreciation. Now, open your books to pay $89. The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. All right. Now, Mr. Horowitz, you may read the first stanza. A pleasure. It is an ancient mariner and he stopped it, born of three. By the long gray beard and glittering eye. Now, therefore, stops down me. That's very good. Now, Mr. Horowitz, will you tell us in your own words what you just read? Certainly. The way I see it, this ancient mariner, whoever he was. Yes, but who was he? I don't know. But the whole idea is he stopped one out of three. Must have been the motor's icon. No, no. Now, you all should have been prepared by reading this poem at home. Now, Mr. Bascals, will you please explain that stanza? Well, at this ancient mariner, he's a getting a letter from a city zoning commission. Mr. Bascals, I sympathize with your problem, but please try to concentrate. An espalding. Why should we waste valuable time? If you don't mind, I would like to step in and clear up the whole situation by giving the correct answer. There he goes, Sweden's answer to a place to be ignored. Mr. Schultz, please. Thank you, Mr. Olten. Go on. Yes. Well, first, I would like to read that poem over again with the correct intonation so the class can appreciate it. It is an ancient mariner, and he stopped at one of three by thy long gray beard and glittering eye. Now, therefore, stop, style me. Olsen, if you keep stopping that mariner, he ain't never going to leave part. Mr. Schultz, learn something. There's old sea captain. He sees three men walking, and he stops one of them. This fellow gets angry, and he says, why are you stopping me? Don't you fuss because a fellow wants a light. Oh, please, Mr. Schultz. Now, Mr. Basker, will you please explain the next section? Oh, I'm glad that you're asking me, Ms. Bodding. It's a section of five or six to two jade. What? It says it here, right? Oh, all right, let me see it. Dear sir, I know you've been representative of the reason for the notify and the appointment. Though far, it sounds very dull. Ms. Bodding, what am I doing wrong? Mr. Basker, I see nothing in this letter to become alarmed about. You're merely getting a business visit from the zoning commission. Luigi, you shouldn't get so upset. Don't cross your bridges till you come to them. Will you save a lot of toll charges that way? Luigi, stop looking so depressed. Smile. Ms. Bodding, what is it that's the zoning commission? What do they do? Luigi, oftentimes when the city has to build a new structure or something like that, they have to be zoned in the neighborhood so they go to the storekeeper for permission. Yes, that's right, Mr. Basker. Oh, well, I'm afraid of that already. Sure, Luigi, smile. Look at the worst. What can they do? Can they build a subway through your store? Can they put a lamp post outside your window and should shine in your eyes all night? Can they stick a fire hydrant outside your store? You should hear siren screaming day and night? But a short second, eh? Certainly, the city's got to have a little fun, too. My friend, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Bascuali. Hey, that's the matter. Why are you cleaning up your store so much? You expected a company with little banana nodes? That's all right, Bascuali. Tomorrow is the coming of man from the zoning commission. See? Look, I'm going to get this letter. Let me look. All right. All right, but, Bascuali, you can't read without your glasses. Why don't you put them on? Well, to form. I'm not going to read English, anyway. Look, he believes that a little pumpkin ahead. I'm going to know all about English. Let me see. I'm going to read that. Act 18. What's this act? Bascuali, act is abbreviation. That's for October. Look, who's a teacher? No, what? How? I'm going to know all about abbreviations, too. October is OCT. November is NOV. And at December is a DESS. Now, you'll be quiet. Let me finish this letter. I'm going to see him. Bad, bad. No, Bascuali. Now, stop trying to scare me. My teacher, Miss Spaulding, has already told me he's not going to worry about that. Ah, your teacher's a towelier, eh? Your teacher. You go to everybody. I suppose Olsen and Schultz, and they tell you, too, eh? No, but, Bascuali... Look, Luigi, why are you always running around to everybody for advice, like a crazy little poppy looking for a bone, when all the time you could have come straight to me? A fellow who's brought you from the older country and is sitting here with that bone in his head. Bascuali, you're so right, you're the only bone ahead I ever see. That's a funny thing. When I'm a sailor, it's a come out of different. Luigi, you know me. I'm never like it to worry you, but I just depart the way this zone and the fellas are coming to see you. You're sleeping in the back of your stall, no? Yeah, something wrong with that? Is everything wrong? You store in a residence. You're not supposed to be sleeping in that. What? Wait till the zone and the commissions will find out how you're sleeping in that little room with one window, always breathing the same air in, out, in, out. That's to make a carbon dioxide. You know what that's mean? What? You're making the oxide a dime. Ever hear of man, slaughter? Yes, sir. Well, are you guilty or worse than that? Air slaughter. Luigi, for this, see you lively get the electric a chance. What? Miss Coley, why you never told me this? Because I'm going to want to be an accessory to the crime. If I wasn't told to you, I would also get the chance that would embarrass the state very much. They ain't got to know two-seaters. Oh, Miss Coley, you're just to make any things up. All right, all right. Maybe I'm aware of it too far, but one thing is for sure, you're not going to sleep in the back of your store. They're going to throw you out there. But, Miss Coley, where am I going to go? Where could you go? Luigi, you always got a home with a man. Where are you? Yes, you lucky pups of you. Right on the face of the floor of my house, I got a little room, and I got two towels. Mark the haze and a hers. The winter beds, the tables are for two, and this is a little room I'm always a keypanty. Miss Coley, why you keep it as a room empty? To my daughter, Rose, it's a hope of chance. What do you say, my son? Keep an open up, Papa. Look, Luigi, why don't you be nice? See, you know, anything I'm a god in the world, you can have. Anything? Just mention her name and it's yours. Pascuali, my answer is a no. All right. All right. Now your troubles is the really start. Tamara's zone and the man is a come. He's a want to throw you out. He's a come to me for character reference. I got to tell him you're guilty out of two counts. One, a sleeping in the back of your store, and a two, alien and not a show and affection for my daughter. Mother Pascuali, what's so wrong with that? Plenty. That's the alienation of affection. You know, Pascuali, you wouldn't have told me those are bad things. I tell everything, everything I tell him, they're going to throw you out of Chicago. Nobody's a want of you, you're a man without a country. Walter Winschel is a talk about you. You want to run away someplace to forget. Gabriel Heath is a say, is only one the place an immigrant can go. Who are you, Pascuali? Morocco, the foreigners of Legion. Luigi continues in just a moment, but first, for some bright presents for you, Bergen and Charlie and Red Skelton are now yours on Sunday nights. Bing Crosby, Groucho Marks, Burns at Allen, they're yours now on Wednesday nights. And next Tuesday night, those of you who never want to miss a thrill will find Mr. and Mrs. North and Mystery Theatre joined by a third famous thriller, Escape. An hour and a half of excitement, adventure and chills up the back. Mr. and Mrs. North, Mystery Theatre and Escape on most of these same CBS stations every Tuesday night, starting next week. And now for the second act of Luigi Basko's Adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy. And so, Mamma Mia, your Luigi is a find-out to why I went from a zoning commission as a commoner to my store. Seems like it's not illegal when you live in a business district to sleep in the back of your stove. I don't want very much to be good American and obey the law. So all last night I'm in no sleep, I'm a syrup and I read a book. This book is about Abraham Lincoln, great the man who was born in a log cabin and is a walker 10 miles or two school. Of course, he's a nod to both the things on the same day. Then I was to think to myself, what would a Lincoln do if a day was going to throw him out of his log cabin? Then I'm to think it's a foolish question. Lincoln, I don't live in a business district. So I'm a sitting here figuring out what I should do when suddenly the door is open up. Luigi, my fellow pooper. What are you looking so sad about? You found out why the zoning commission is coming to see you? Well, Pasquale is a sad because I'm asleep in the back of my store. I'm a killer dioxide. So even if I'm not going to get to the electric chair, I'm going to take a two-seater and a final agent. Luigi, are you for shimmer? Why do you got to believe everything that Pasquale tells you? But it should... Then they can't throw me out of a sleeping in the back of my store? Well, of course, that's a horse from a different jockey. If it's a business neighborhood, they can throw you out. Then I'm sure so well I'm not going to live. No, smile where you're going to live. You're going to come and live with me. Oh, you're going to love it living with my happy little family, Luigi. That's me, my wife, my three children, my brother Ludwig, his cousin Hugo, my uncle Jack, the three nephews, my grandfather Wolfgang, and the rest of the family. I thank you, sure, so buddy, you're always so proud. No, no, don't worry, Luigi. We just gathered a new apartment much bigger than the old one. How many rooms do you got there? Two. All right, sure, sir. How is it possible for so many people to sleep in a two-room? Who sleeps? You know, what fun, every night, you know, is a pajama party. The party that feels cold gets the pajama. If you want to sleep, oh, there's beds plenty. The couch opens up into a big bed. The chairs open up to beds. The ironing board is a bed. The ironing board? Certainly, there's nothing better for a short person with a sacroiliac. Also, we got a Morris chair, that's a bed. And the bureau drawers, we open up for the kiddies. And my grandfather Wolfgang, he sleeps in the bathtub. But you see, we got plenty of beds. But sure, sir. Sure, sir, any of you got a one-in-a-real bed in the house? Oh, sure, sure. But that we used to hold up the television, sir. I'm just trying to see who you are. Well, thanks, thanks, Schuss. You're wonderful a friend to think of me. But it's too crowded in your house. Maybe you know where I'm going to find a place to live? Well, it's very hard these days to find something. But why don't you look in the newspaper? That's a good idea, Schuss. I'm going to look. Oh, wait, here. Look, here's something. It's very cheap, but I'm not going to take it. What are the days? Fifty-five cents all day. Come to the stable. Luigi, that's a riding academy. Read in the back where it says room. Oh, all right. Here's the one to shoot, sir. One room to suit a bully young man. No cooking, no drinking, no children, no pets, no visitors. Luigi, that apartment you take only on one condition. What's that? No rent. Must be used, Luigi. Get a rental agent. Let him do the boring, and he'll find you an apartment. Rental agent? Sure, sir. Where am I going to find him? Well, you look into the phone book. There's a million of them. All right, sir. Thanks for your help. I'm going to start to look in the right way. Good. Well, I've got to go now. She up, Luigi. Be like me. Smile. Oh, my homatism is killing me. Mr. Basko, just what sort of apartment did you have in mind? Well, what do you got there? Lots of cooperative attitude. As a matter of fact, I have an apartment that came in only ten minutes ago. Well, honey, that's America. You don't have to come into the apartment. The apartment is a comment to look. Uh, hey, yeah. Well, this is a lovely four-room apartment with all modern conveniences, including a sunken living room. A what? A sunken living room. What? So, my house has got a weaker foundation? No. Was it an earthquake? No. It's just a sunken living room. Oh, sure. I'm going to... There's a party in the house and the people is dancing too hard. Mr. Basko, you can't be serious. A sunken living room is an extra feature. It's a room that's built lower than the rest of the house. Why? Why, it's, uh... It's lower than the... It's, uh... The room... Everybody does it. Everybody wants a sunken living room, yes. Everybody does it. Everybody wants a sunken living room. Well, I'm going to want it. With this sunken living room, when you're standing in the hallway, everybody else is looking like a midget. Maybe you've got an apartment with a sunken kitchen. A sunken kitchen? Why would anybody want that? Well, if you bake a cake and it's a razor too high, it's still a look-even. Mr. Basko, we're not going to rebuild apartments just for you. As a matter of fact, you can't be too choosy. Don't you know all over the country there's a shortage of apartments? Good. Well, that's just for me. I'm a little old, all I'm in need is a short apartment. Well, let's see if you can't make a selection. Here's the one that just... I mean, I just received. Four rooms exquisitely furnished, two baths, stall, shower, marble fireplace, and chrome kitchen. I'm going to want that. Why not? There's a nothing about the hot and the cold running the water. Of course it has hot and cold running water. The apartment rents for $150. $150, that's not for me. Is it too much? Well, I have something else for $140. Of course it's smaller. Smaller? Well, here's something for $130, but you'll be a little cramped. Cramped? Well, what do you say? Squeeze me tighter for $20. $20. Mr. Basko, you couldn't get a place anywhere in the country. You'll have to go higher. $20 to $50. Mr. Basko, you're thinking of pre-war OPA prices. Now, if you want to get an apartment today, it's got to be one without a ceiling. A ceiling? That's right. What's to happen if it's a rain? I suppose at the end of the day they charge you more money, huh? Why? Some can live in a room where it's a turn into a swimming pool. Mama, I'm mad that the rental agent hasn't got to me. I hope I'm doing the right thing of going straight to the zone in the commission. Maybe I'm going to fuss everything. I'm going to tell them I'm sure I'm asleep in the back, but I'm a very light sleeper. Then maybe they want to be so mad at me. Ah, here's the place. $800, not the commercial boulevard. That's so funny. It's an OSA zone in the commission. It's a say, department of public works. Mama, I'm mad that the building is looking too smaller for the whole of public who should have worked there. Well, anyway, I'm across the street and I'm going inside. Hey, why don't you watch where you're going? Mama, I'm mad how he knows where I'm going. There must be somebody watching me. Maybe Pasquale is right. Maybe I'm making a mistake at going inside and start up with the government. Man is a liable to say. Mr. Vasco, is it true that ever since you've been here, you've broken the law? Oh, please, I'd like you to explain. Don't explain. Just answer the question. I'd like you to. What are you, Mr. Mrs. Italy, and all the ships at sea? Let's go to France. Which one of your countrymen has been sleeping where in the back of what in violation of which? Answer the question, Mr. Vasco. Have you ever slept in the back of your store? Please, I'd like you to explain. Don't explain. Just answer yes. There's bad news tonight. Somewhere in this big land of ours, an ungrateful, complaining immigrant stands ready to hear the verdict of a blue ribbon jury. What jury will testify, when, where, and what, which, about who? Please, I'm alike too. I'm alike too. I'm alike too. Mr. Vasco, what is the opinion of this court? Let you be silent. Hello, Pasquale. Luigi, look at you. Face is a clamor, you panting, a clothes all must up, a tie twisted around your neck, a hair in your eyes. You look like a footballer just to come out of the Army and Navy game. Pasquale, I'm gonna have a terrible time. I thought I would leave quietly and not make it to trouble. But I'm no kind of for a room, and when I went to the Zone in the commission to confess everything, I'm gonna get a fright and then I'm gonna come back. Pasquale, it looks like for me as an old road out. Don't say that to Luigi. He's always the one who rode out. Huh? Sure. Rosa. Pasquale, that's no road. It's a road black. Luigi, Zone and the fellas are coming any minute. Do you want to suffer the consequences or do you want I should save you? Pasquale, I'm gonna have a choice. Oh, Luigi, that's the nicest proposal I've ever had. You're not gonna be sorry. I'm gonna call it a blush and a bride now. Rosa. Rosa. Here, my little buddy rabbit. Say hello to Luigi. Hello, sir. Luigi's gonna marry you. Both of you two seal in the bargain. Come on, Rosa, let me see a nice and big case. Not to me, Mr. Luigi. Pardon me. Do you know where I can find Mr. Luigi Vasco? Oh, you must be Zone in the Convention of Fallon. That's right. I'm pleased to make you a quaint ship. This is Mr. Vasco here, but I'm gonna take a full responsibility for his crime. Crime? What crime? Sleeping in the back of his stock. Well, that's no crime. This is a C4 Zone residential and business. Mr. Vasco can sleep anywhere he wants to. What are you saying? The way you sent him in that letter yesterday would be 5-6-2-J. Mr. Vasco, 5-6-2-J is in reference to the coming election. You see, formerly, our off-year elections were held in the barber shop on the next block, but since he went out of business, we'd like to use your store as a voting place. I came down for your permission to install polling booths. Come on, money, what an honor. For the government, I do anything. You can even install a telephone about you. Well, that's all I wanted to know. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Wait, I'm about to sleep. Can I sleep while I'm away? Of course. All right, so now it's my turn to take a nap. Well, goodbye. Hey, Luigi! Hey! Good day, sir. Thank you for your help. Hey, Luigi! Oh, that's Luigi. Every time I've got him into my grasp, he's a getaway. Well, Papa, don't worry. The marriage would have been annulled anyway. Huh? What are you talking about? You know that room you're saving with a towel marked his and hers? Yes. Yesterday, I wiped my hands with him. You see, at the same time, over most of these stations, Luigi Basko writes another letter to his mama, Basko, describing his adventures in America. Life with Luigi is a Cy Howard production and is written by Mac Benhoff and Lou Dermond and directed by Mac Benhoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basko with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Connery to Schultz, Mary Ship as Miss Faulding, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Joe Forte as Horowitz, Ken Peters as Olsen. Music is under the direction of Lud Buskin. Bob Stephenson speaking. Now for Hit the Jackpot, which follows immediately over most of these same CBS stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.