 Can you change the narcissist? Can you make them become more understanding? More easier to deal with. More cooperative. The short answer is no. You cannot change the narcissist or anyone else. We can only change ourselves. We have to make the decision to change. For someone to change, there usually has to be an incentive. There has to be something that motivates or encourages them to change. There is no incentive for the narcissist and that is why there is no change. They live in a fantasy world which they have created in their own minds. It's very superficial. It lacks any real meaning or purpose. But it is the world that they have chosen to operate in. They will not entertain anything that is realistic. They will not entertain anything that is accurate and true to life. The narcissist cannot bear to live in reality. They cannot deal with the daily life issues and problems that come along with living in reality. They cannot accept the truth and reality of the situation. It's too painful for them to deal with. They are very insecure. So they have to control you. Their control over you provides them with a false sense of security. It helps to prevent them from experiencing any pain or discomfort. It's escapism. They are constantly seeking distraction and relief from their unpleasant reality. They will do whatever they have to do to avoid facing reality. Narcissists function through a system of coping and defence mechanisms which are designed to protect them from reality. The narcissist is heavily reliant and dependent on this system of coping and defence mechanisms. It is designed to help them to escape, dodge, avoid, lie, deny, project, blameshift and gaslight. Whatever it takes to escape the truth and reality of the situation, they live in a constant state of fear and paranoia. They're always anxious or stressed out. They're always anticipating the worst-case scenario. So they try to balance this out by controlling everyone and everything around them. They try to preserve certain situations to work out in their best interests by being controlling, by directing your behaviour at the course of events. You may think that you are in a relationship with the narcissist and it is fair and equal, but it was set up from the beginning to be unfair. It was set up for them to defeat you or do better than you. They were hiding their true motives and intentions from the beginning. They were reliant on you being unable to read their true motives and intentions. They have to make it so you don't know what they're really about. You don't know what they have in store for you. They have to create this puzzle or mystery of who they really are. Something that is difficult to understand or explain. Something that you're trying to figure out. And then they trick you into believing something about them, which really is not who they are. Until you are then doing everything you can to please someone who doesn't even value you. They cannot respect or appreciate the value of someone who is real and genuine. You may often engage in long conversations with them that last longer than is usual or necessary. Trying to prove a point or make progress towards achieving something. You may think you're finally going to be in agreeance, but really, you're just wasting your time. They're not going to consider anything they've done wrong. They're not going to consider something where they hurt or disrespected you. They're in survival mode. They're only concerned with their own survival and their own feelings. Their own pleasure or satisfaction. They don't have the capacity to consider you. All they can do is take. They only entertain the fantasies and desires that they have in their minds. They don't care about you as a person. They might tell you that they do, but it's just intended to create a pleasant and acceptable appearance. It isn't genuine. You may wonder how they could make the time and effort to enter your life and do everything that they did to lock you in without it having any meaning or significance. They had to do it for their own survival. It was self-preservation. They had to protect themselves from danger or harm. They might try to make you believe that they're going to be with you long term. They will future fake and even make plans for the future with you. And this could give you the wrong idea or impression. If you think that you're really getting to know them and you're really building a life with them, you won't even suspect it because you're assuming that they're always going to be around. So you're not looking for signs of them not being real with you. You're not looking behind the scenes at the other sources they're entertaining, the other sources they're preparing for when they finally leave you. Narcissists are expert manipulators. It's easy for them to pretend like they love and care for you. It's easy for them to pretend like you're a matter of interest or importance to them. And they can do it in a way where you won't even notice. These are measures taken to offset or minimize damage to their reputation, credibility or image. That's all the narcissist really cares about. And they know that they're going to destroy you in the end. They know the effect that it is going to have on you. They know that it is going to dramatically change how you live. They've done this before. You're not the first person they've done this to. They believe that any person is replaceable. You may think that the narcissist was exclusive to you. You may think that they were loyal. Maybe you've never seen them talking to anyone. But a person isn't loyal just because they haven't cheated on you physically. If a person is constantly thinking that they can do better than you or they can have better than what they have with you then they are already demonstrating a lack of loyalty. It all starts in the person's mind. And if a person thinks that they can do better or have better than what they have with you I can assure you that this will soon be followed up with action. Because remember, they're in survival mode. They're only interested in their own survival. They're only interested in their own pleasure and satisfaction. The narcissist cannot be loyal to you or anyone else. Because everything is about them. They're only focused on how they can get what they need. You're not in a relationship with a narcissist. There's no such thing as a relationship with a narcissist because they're not connected to you. It's your turn to be involved with them. They will entertain you with whatever they think you are looking for but when they've got as much they can get out of you they're done and then they go looking for the next person. They don't see it as a problem. It's entertaining for them. Being with one person is a problem. It deprives them of their freedom but they never told you this at the beginning. They deceived you just as they will deceive their new source because nothing ever changes with them. They have no incentive to change because this behaviour always gets them what they want and it minimises the risk of rejection if they can just be whatever they think the source wants them to be. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. If you're lighter than me, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coach the inquiries you can email me at narxforecoaching.com Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.