 Welcome back to our next class. The last time we did talk about three specific areas as we prepare for marriage. We looked at becoming the best person in marriage. We looked at our emotional health and we looked at personal management, mainly focusing on career, finances, time and household skills. Is there any question that anybody likes to raise before we address the next four pointers? I think there was a question in our last class, so if there's anyone, you could just unmute or you could put it up on the chat and we can address it or discuss that. I guess not. So even as we looked at the first three, we are going to be looking at another important area that needs to be addressed which is the skills in our relationship. What are certain things we need to keep in mind when we are relating to one another? So all of us know that relationships take work. Relationships don't evolve on its own and it requires some skills for us to be able to establish a good and a healthy interaction with people around and so much more with our spouses. If you look at the scripture there, it's on page 17. I'd like one of you to read that out. It's Philippians chapter 2 verses 3 and 5. Philippians 2, 3 and 5, it's on page 17. Would someone kindly unmute and read? Don't do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast, but be humble toward one another, always considering others better than yourself. And look out for one another's interest, not just for your own. The attitude you should have is the one that Christ Jesus had. Thank you, Samuel. Thank you. If you see in this verse, it talks about always being able to consider others. So considering others requires it's a skill. And some of the pointers that we have in this part, again, it's maybe not an exhaustive list, but at least the core of the important ones is communication, is what are the roles in marriage and how do we relate to those outside, especially the in-laws or the extended family as we are in a relationship. So one of the core things, the backbone of a good relationship is good communication. So if our ability to verbally express ourselves, our mannerisms, our skills, certain codes of how we talk with each other, if we aren't careful of it, it can bring about a lot of challenges in our relationships. So maybe being more tolerant, being more patient, being kind in our speech, definitely goes a long way in the way that we are able to maintain our relationships. So that's an area that we need to look into to see how we do work in those areas. So when we look at communication, like I said, communication is a backbone of a relationship. And if there isn't an established way of how to communicate in marriage, it can definitely lead to a lot of issues. So communication, why is communication needed? Because it helps you to understand yourself as well as the other. When you open up communication, you begin to see what the other person is like. Their likes, their dislikes, their preferences, their choices, their opinions, their thoughts, their attitudes. And without communication, you do not understand that. And a lot of times when that is broken, when communication is broken, it leads to misunderstanding or it leads to assumptions that have very strong fallouts in marriage. Also communicating not just when things are okay, but when things aren't at its best. How do you communicate when you're angry or when you're dissatisfied with something or when your expectations aren't met or when there is an important need inside of you? How well do you communicate to express that? Also communication would mean to really introspect to see what are some of the methods of communication you use. Is it generally very harsh? Is it brash? Is it sarcastic? Is it cryptic? Saying things not to the point, but beating around the bush and really not really saying what you want to, but going all over. Are there threats? Are there blackmails? Is that the way that you may be tending to communicate that wants to really share what you're going through? So finding those things out is extremely important. And there is an entire chapter on communication when we're looking at elements of a good marriage. One of the chapters is on communication. So we're going to be going through this in detail. But overall to understand whether your communication needs work. The second part of relationship skills is knowing your roles in marriage. What are you expected to play in marriage? So there are certain roles that have been defined and prescribed for both the man and the woman in scripture. And often sometimes it gets very hard for us to play those roles because of the kind of maybe upbringing we've had, the marriages we've seen, the culture we belong to. So something that I remember in our initial years of marriage, of course our personalities, my husband and my personalities were very different. And I'm the kind who would, you know, any situation given to me, the first thing that I will do is attempt to resolve it. I will look at the best way to work it out. Whereas my husband took a little bit more of time, gave it more thought, gave it more structure. And so what would happen is when there was an issue that needed to be handled, which was entrusted to him to do, I would often take it up because I felt that the time taken or what was too much for my liking. And over years I began to see that that was not a very good thing to do because I was almost usurping what he should be doing and not just, and, you know, taking on the role that he should be playing. And so then I had to step back. I had to consciously step back. And maybe my thoughts of, you know, getting it done then and there in this structure, in this way, in this organization had to take a backseat because I knew specifically that he had a role to play and that he needed to do things his way, maybe his way. And I had to be patient with the way that he does it. So scripture is clear about the role of a husband and the role of a wife. And each of this are assigned not because of, you know, when he's entrusted those roles, he knows that we would, you know, it was something that he designed for us to do so that we would work in cooperation and collaboration with one another. So to know, even understanding these roles is how are things in marriage being distributed as to who's going to take care of, you know, the major earnings of the home, who's going to be taking care of the children, who's going to be taking care of the spiritual health, who's going to be getting into, you know, the lives of the children, bringing up the children. So these are certain roles that needed to be discussed because often it becomes colored by what you have seen and what you've experienced in your parental home or maybe among marriages outside. But to align yourself to the way God sees it is what brings about a lot of joy in marriage. And even as you're looking at these roles, are you looking at a flexibility? Are you willing to complement one another through these roles, stepping in when someone else may need your support and your help? Okay. The third point of the third part of relationship skills is your relationship with your immediate family, that is your in law, your parents in law. So it is important to know and to discuss of how you define specific boundaries in your relationships with other members in the family. Okay. It is a good practice to keep a healthy distance with family members. Now, what do I mean by this? So I think especially in the culture we live in, I've faced a lot of problems when this guideline has been given because for a person, it may sound as if you want to abandon your parents. That's not the point here. The point is not abandoning. The point is ensuring that you cleave together in such a way that nobody decides or interferes at the core of the marriage. To be able to take those crucial decisions and plans within the unit rather than having significant people take that authority. They can speak into your life. They can speak into and give suggestions, but everything happens from this unit in itself. So just knowing that often people need to cut off those umbilical cord that still seems so attached because as a young person as you grow up, you get a lot from your own family and you tend to go back to them because it's been a practice, but it's a change. It's a shift in the way that you relate, that you build this relationship with your spouse so that everything is generated from this union. Also guidelines of where the home is going to be, who you're going to be staying with, what kind of a support system would you need to still ensure to keep. So those are some parts of it that falls in relationship skills. We will spend a couple of minutes just to check if there are any questions with relationship skills specifically on communication, on the roles and also on the relationships with extended family members. Any questions here? Yes, Charles. Yes, Charles. You may ask your question. Charles? Sorry Charles, I'm not able to hear you. Samuel? Hi, ma'am. Sorry, I'm getting disconnected. I'm sorry if you called out my name earlier. No problem. I have a bunch of questions. So one is, so while I understand the aspect of communicating and how communication is a backbone to bringing out all of these issues in front and initiating change, but I think I'm also thinking of how does change really happen? I see some of the topics that I'm thinking maybe we'll cover in the coming days. But when we talk about two personalities coming together and working it out, say I'm a 30-year-old male and all my life I have, the culture that I was brought up in the parenting that has taught me to be very self-sufficient, independent and what not. So I'm a person who grew up having my own room for them. So I don't like invasion of privacy and what not. And then suddenly I'm thrown into a mix where I'm encouraged to bring out everything in the open. So it would mean either of two things for me. One is I'm changing my personality completely. I'm becoming someone who in a way is I'm not. Some people may even look at it as compromises, which I think is what marriage needs. But again, this dichotomy of staying true to yourself versus altering yourself to what extent to kind of then fit into your marriage. So that is how much does a person change and that change. Is it genuine or is it like me trying, a person trying too hard to fit in? A, B would be how does that even begin? How do you give up 30 years of practice and venture into something new and so that. And the third question that I was thinking of is while someone is getting ready to marry, let's say I'm seeing someone, let's say I have a prospect in mind. And with the limited interactions that you have and especially in the context of preparing for marriage, let's say you're spending a year, two years getting to know this. But how much of that really does surface up? Because as long as you're not, I mean, I'm not encouraging living relationships. But unless and until you don't live, you don't live in a shared space. You just meet for lunch, meet for dinner, you discuss. I mean, all of that to me sounds it's rosy and most of that is just getting to like it's that initial dating phase. But that grind that every day, all of that surface are only once people start living. So how much of it can someone really prepare for even say you take one or two years? How much of it can you really? Because when we're talking on the phone to a person, when we're meeting a person over lunch, we may say all good things. There's this element of I want this other person to like me. So I'll say things. I'm not lying, but I'll just make sure that I don't say things to upset him. So I'm thinking of all of these questions. Okay, good. Thank you. Thank you, Samuel. Okay. So the first question you spoke about was how having had, having had, you know, living through your initial years of life in a particular way begin to incorporate a different style or a different understanding, co-dependence, all of that. How do we get to do that now? Like I said, I think it's easier said than done. However, as we looked at that scripture, what we are called to do is to look into the interests of others. So I keep telling people, marriage is not for selfish people. If, and I think we partially spoke about that the last time when we spoke about self-centered individuality, right? So when we know that we are going to get into a relationship, that is, that is a sense of preparation that happens in our hearts that everything will not be like the way I want it to be. So I cannot hold on to my obsession, my self-obsession of wanting things the way that I want to. Now, that is something that needs to sink in, needs to dwell in, that there are going to be changes in the way that I'm going to live. And after being married 18 years, I can truly say that marriage has been the most humbling experience for me. To think that maybe I knew it all, I understood it all, but only when I did come in relating to my spouse did I begin to see that it isn't that way. And it's more an experience for me to learn humility in a real practical sense and so much more, I think I've learned it so much more through the marriage and as a result also built my humility when it comes to God. So, okay, now coming to a more practical aspect of it, it is to understand that, so it's a conscious decision that you make that whenever I'm in communion with someone who is my spouse, that things are being done together. And there may be, there are going to be many things that will not take place the way that I want to. However, does that mean that I swallow up my desires or my individuality? No, that is why communication is there, where you openly bring up for discussions about very important things that may be causing those kind of conflicts. So, I'm going to take an example just to make this a little bit more clear. Let's say there is a person, maybe likes their time, likes their space, likes their individual time a lot more than being in unison with another, whereas the other person finds a lot more of joy in spending their time together. Now, we do see that both of this aren't really wrong because one is being driven by just their personal space and they may think a lot more when they're alone, but then the other may think a lot more when they are together. But this can occur only in communication of being able to present and bring out what you expect in the marriage and what you're getting. And coming to a place midway of finding, okay, let's spend this time together, maybe this time will help you. So, it's not just giving in, but also understanding. So, that can work only through communication and building this specific elements of marriage is very unique to every couple. So, some it may be easier because they may be more like each other. Some may be more difficult because they are more unlike each other, but that happens only when you can communicate. So, there may not be any right or wrong, but what really fits in for that couple of how much of time they spend together, how much of space they may need for another. It really depends on your individual personalities as well. That's the first question. The second question that you said is, how much can you prepare? And I think that's exactly why we recommend this course. We recommend that people who go through marriage go through this course because we ask very, very hard questions and something that we also do post maybe the fifth or the sixth session is we actually have one-on-ones with each of the partners and we talk about things that may not have come about. So, which means we look at sexuality, we look at individual past relationships, we look at common communication patterns, emotional problems that we have noticed. We bring these out and we bring those back to the sessions where we hypothetically bring about certain instances. So, I sometimes, especially when we have couples who come together and manage and let's say they're from different cultures. I bring up that question. I said, okay, what if, this is what you form in your culture like the last couple that I was meeting, one of the partners had a lot of influence from the parents. Whereas the other partner, she was given a free hand to do whatever she wanted. And there were so many conflicts as a result of that that I brought that up. I said, okay, let's take an example. Maybe you'll have married two months down the line. Maybe his parents want to come in and stay with you. How would you respond young man? How would you respond young woman? And their responses actually opens up so much of information that they may not have spoken about. Like you said, it's that place that I want you to like me more. So, I don't want to shake the apple cart by asking you a difficult question. But those difficult questions need to be asked. So, if there are things, and that's the honesty of being in that preparation phase, asking those difficult questions to find out what could be a potential answer. So, that's as much as you know. But of course, there is a whole lot, 90% you will see face to face. But you trust the Lord and know that he's guiding you into something that he's brought you to. All right. Thank you. Two things, if I could say. One is I really like marriage is not for selfish people. It's such a, I mean, it's like a bumper sticker code, but I think it's not. And I love it. I love that code. That is not for selfish people. I'm going to use it. I think I keep for myself maybe for a lot of times. But that's beautiful. The second thing is I'm also interested in how does change really happen, you know, especially in a couple. Like for example, let's say in a couple, someone does that. And I have these outbursts of anger issues. And let's have communicated that my partner knows it. And, and we both know it. So we keep communicating. But even then, you know, the change like, like, where do I, how, how does like, let's say point A to point B. So A is I have outbursts of frequent outbursts of anger to a place where, sorry about that. To a place where I don't have such frequent outbursts of anger, like that journey. I'm communicating it, but is communication alone enough? Is your question? Yeah. Communication alone may not be enough. If it's something that you're not able to work on yourself, it is good to get help for it. You know, if it is a Christian counselor who can help you through that or a pastor or, or maybe a life group, someone who can work with you on those situations is, is necessary. Again, it is not wrong to go to a counselor, even when you're facing issues within marriage, which may be tiny, which may be insignificant, please do not keep yourself away from going to for help because it's like this, you know, when you have your initial headache, you would go check to see what's wrong, right? It's the similar way. And being able to do that really keeps you away from larger, greater promises of our problems. So if there is a, if, if there are certain issues you're not able to deal with within the marriage, take outside help, take the help of a professional counselor or a Christian counselor or even your own pastors. Okay. Thank you. Okay. I'm going to move ahead with the next three areas. Charles, you had a question. Sorry. Yes. Yes. Sorry. Yes, Charles. Charles. Oh, sorry. You've written it. Okay. I'm asking about the umbilical cord. What could the practical steps or ways that can help a spouse in cutting the umbilical cord of the other better half in family roles and management? Okay. I think I've understood your question. What are some practical ways that you can help a spouse in cutting the umbilical cord? Okay. I think something that, that is important is um, you know, before marriage there could be the entire support, emotional, physical, all kinds of support would probably come from a parental home. Making those decisions to wean that off is a good idea, especially, you know, you know, I think even financially there may be times that parental home continues to support a new couple. Doing that for some time maybe till they require it is okay, but it going on for prolonged periods of time can cause a lot of struggles, right? So ensuring that every form of independence starts, whether it be physical, it be in the means of communication, in the means of emotional support, in the means of, you know, physical assistance, all of that. Like, for example, a lot of couples continue staying with their family, with their parents or, you know, they're in laws or their parents. And what happens is they do not learn to establish a home on their own, you know, even if there is one partner, you know, going out maybe on an emergency and then there is always the support that is taken from the parental home. So what I mean by that is a healthy detachment so that you can build that form of independence. Emotionally relating everything that happens within the home or making those decisions outside of the home with your parents. Those are some practical ways that you can cut off that umbilical cord, you know. Ensuring and making the choice that the support comes from within the marriage in itself and not from outside. I hope I've answered that, Charles. Nisha, you had a question. If one spouse disagrees for marital counseling and says nothing is wrong with him or her and everything is wrong with the other. Okay, Nisha, I think you should probably look for somebody else. I think it is, you know, the Bible says it that if we call ourselves to have no sin, you know, we are in error, right? All of us, there is something not right with us. Imperfect, I won't say not right. Imperfect in all of us. So if there is, and the idea is to bring out these imperfections of the other and learn to understand and work with it. So if there is someone who feels there's nothing wrong with them, I think it is a good idea to look, have a relook at your expectations of this person. I'm sorry, that's probably as nicely as I could say it. Is that anyone else who has an answer to that? Would anyone else like to bring about a suggestion or a thought? I think, so Gene, what your answer was, if Nisha should look for someone, I think what if you already married for a year or two? Oh, no, this is not in marriage. I understood it as when not, he said marital counseling. Oh, okay, sorry. I think it's in marriage. Yeah, you're right. Samuel, please go on. Please go on. So obviously, yeah, so she's saying in marriage. Yeah, you meant in marriage. Okay, right. Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. Then that my answer didn't match. Okay. If it is in marriage, it is, I think one of the things, if I want to look at it as different steps, one is, yes, approach your spouse and ask for that, you know, this is a unit and it needs to be worked together. So encourage as best as possible. Okay. If that doesn't work, maybe it's a good idea to involve a close family member or a close spiritual mentor or someone who both of you can trust to bring in to the, you know, this, this decision. The third, no, I think the second thing would is to maybe, yeah, like I said, yeah, family member and then it would go to maybe somebody on the outside, like a spiritual mentor or a pastor or somebody like that. The third, of course, is, you know, when you are in a place where you are not able to see any positive change, even though you've tried this, is bring that to the Lord, bring that to the power of the Holy Spirit. Because if the change that can happen is the turnaround that can come when the Holy Spirit walks in. Okay. So bring it to the Lord, ask the Holy Spirit to work and, you know, bring your specific needs to the Lord and say, God, this is what I see is working against my marriage, bring it to the needs of the Lord and, you know, trust that he will do something. The fourth, as you are praying, is speak the word, speak the word on your marriage. There are so many scriptures that talks about how you, you know, the one I can remember is there is rejoicing in the tent of the righteous. We will walk together in unity. We will leave and cleave and be in one flesh, just being able to speak the word of God in your marriage. And, you know, there may be, there are so many testimonies and for want of time, I don't think I can bring up one, but there are so many testimonies of people just speaking the word and things changing for them. So, I encourage you to do that. Do the best you can to get the support and help you need, but if not, speak the word, pray and ask for the Holy Spirit to intervene. Okay. I think, yeah, someone has already said it. She's experienced power, power of prayer in marriage. All right. I'm going to go on. Christopher, I will take your question at the end. I'm just going to go on so that, you know, we can read what we started. The fifth area that we would need to address is certain issues and things that have occurred in the past. Now, when we look at our lives, there are times that many unpleasant things have been thrown at us. And some of this is not our own doing. It is we have been victims of the experiences that we've been through. But specifically looking at any form of past abuse that you may have been a victim of, when we're looking at past abuse, it could be physical, it could be emotional, or it can be sexual abuse. Now, every form of abuse definitely has certain repercussions or certain experiences that the person needs begins to deal with. There may be hurts or there may be, you know, real scars that we live with. And it is important to receive that healing from this, from any kind of an abuse or trauma that you have faced. It is also to know that no form of abuse is right, is acceptable, even in marriage. And sometimes, because it is something that you may have seen in your parental home or in your past, to think that it is okay within the marriage is unacceptable. Any forms of physical, mental trauma, emotional abuse, any kind of a sexual abuse within marriage is not acceptable. So making that commitment that none of this will come into the marriage and it will be resolved at any point of time that it may re-occur. If you do find that it has not been settled that it re-occurs, getting the help that you need, it is important to involve trusted people rather than living in the shame and embarrassment of an abuse. So if there has been past abuse or past trauma, learning to deal with it and handling it and working in it. So there again, getting the help of a counselor to work on that is absolutely needed. The second negative experience that we need to overcome is any form of addictions that could have taken place. Any substance addiction or anything to do with relational addiction. So it could be smoking, drinking, getting into drugs, sexual addictions. All of that is something that needs to be dealt with and to be ensured that you are not under any form of that addiction when you are getting married to be able to come to a place of having the freedom of that. So if it is going in for rehabilitation, going in for medical treatment, going in for one-on-one counseling, that's something that needs to be looked into and not be carried as a baggage. Remember, don't fall in the understanding that addictions will all subside once I get into marriage. That is a foolish thought, okay? Because issues and problems and a lot of addictions come as a result of emotional needs. And when emotional needs sometimes are not met, this is what comes in like a coping mechanism. So ensuring that these things are dealt with. The third one is any kind of environment or experiences that you've lived in. Maybe it's been divorce or separation that you've seen in the family. Maybe it is probably a suicide at the home or it could be unfaithfulness that you've seen in the home or any kind of wrong or faulty models that you've seen in your family of origin. To be able to work on that, to be able to deal with that, to understand that your home will not have any of these experiences or these environments and learning to work through those in a biblical and in a healthy way. The fourth part of it is also any previous relationships. So previous relationships, if they aren't broken, if there aren't detachment from ties, from soul ties, if there continues to be emotional sexual involvement before the marriage, sorry, sexual involvement before the marriage, that is something that needs to be completely broken off as well as renounced. Any kind of affections or ties that it has caused needs to be brought under the power of the Holy Spirit to be completely repented off and to have a sense of redemption before you get into that. So if there are any forms of guilt that you may experience, it is important again to bring that to submission, like I said, get help to heal from that anger or that pain or guilt or embarrassment or shame so that these things do not interfere with the marriage in itself. The sixth part of it is sexual purity. So when we are looking at sexual purity, scripture is very clear and we spoke about that in our last class of keeping the marriage bed in honor, treating it honorably. So now when we're looking at that, when we're looking at sexual purity, we're just not focusing on sexual interactions with an individual, but also being free of any form of sexual thoughts or addictions or, you know, either in the sense of pornography or in the sense of having sexual thought processes, all of that being free of any form of sexual addictions before marriage. So bringing all of those desires and those appetites in submission to the Lord and making a commitment to keep your body as well as your soul completely in submission to Him, freeing yourself from those bribes or those passions or those desires that are in contrary to God's word and knowing that those sexual needs can only be met in the marriage. Now, having said this, a lot of people do also walk into marriage being prepared, understanding, renouncing all of this when they enter into marriage, do find themselves going back into those addictions or those practices. The point is to be able to nip it at its bud when it pulls itself up, you know, laying the ax to the root of that lust or of that. And I think, you know, we've all gone through that through that course of laying the ax to the root of lust to know that it's a more deeper issue than it just being an addiction. It's a deeper need, it's a deeper issue that needs to be broken off, that needs to be cut off. Doing that right at the time when it begins to surface up is something that helps. Also being accountable to either your partner, to your spouse or being accountable to someone who's able to walk you through this journey, you know, so if there is, even as many of us are married there can be times that we slip into forms of sin that we felt we would have conquered but coming back and recommitting ourselves and doing practical things to get us back into a place of holiness before God, as we pursue marriage. The next part of sexual purity is sexual intimacy to know that sexual intimacy happens only with your spouse and with nobody else and also to understand why God instituted sex in itself. It was for enjoyment and for pleasure and for fulfillment within, to bring a husband and a wife together and it is healthy when it is within the boundaries of marriage and to be able to give oneself completely without hesitation to their spouse and not withholding sex at all as a weapon against your spouse. Even as I'm saying this I know there may be challenges for Christian couples in this area like I bring back communication open communication really helps getting the help of someone who helps couples work through this very important part of marriage is definitely something we should not be ashamed to take. And the seventh one the last one is Christian maturity calling and ministry. So when we're looking at being preparing ourselves a big part of us is our calling is what God has called us to do as an individual as well as a couple. So preparing yourself for two things. One is your growth personal growth personal growth with the Lord that even though marriage has many responsibilities that we will not throw away or we will not keep aside this responsibility of growing spiritually not just individually but collectively as a couple or as a family. So being able to come to a place of talking with each other about literally enhances your spiritual growth and how you would want to do it in marriage. So that's again one sense of preparation. The second of course is your calling. Even as we're looking at calling we're looking at three aspects. One is God's calling on your life the second is God's calling on your spouse and the third is the callings that are complimentary. So how is it that we can walk together to ensure that both the individual's calling is met as well as there are complimentary callings that may need to come so that you work together in things for the kingdom of God. So that again is an absolutely important phase of discussion. So we looked at four specific areas in this class. We looked at relationship skills. We looked at overcoming any past issues specifically related to abuse to addictions to the home environment as well as any previous relationships. We looked at sexual purity in being able to renounce all form of sexual addictions and also maintaining our purity and intimacy within marriage and the last one was our Christian calling and our spiritual growth. So this sums up those seven areas that we looked into as a practice what I think I would want to recommend for y'all is if you look at page 22 if you look at page 22 there is a little box, a little table there that helps you rate yourself from 1 to 5 rate yourself from 1 to 5 1 being the least unprepared or least unprepared for those who are married even for those of us who are married if we score 1 in all it doesn't mean you quit marriage that's not what it means what it means is that God has shown you an opportunity to begin to work on the things So one being maybe least effective, five most effective. I think I'd put it like that for those who are married and find out things that you need to work on. Okay, it's a good exercise to do. It's a personal exercise. This is not a test, but it just it just gives you, you know, you're looking at yourself in the mirror and actually asking yourself, hey, you know, Jane, how good are you at these? Where are you at this? And it really helps you to be on yourself so that you can be a better spouse for your, for your, you can be a better partner for your spouse. All right. Quickly, two, three minutes of questions. If y'all would have any, if not, we can pray and we can close. Okay, sorry, Christopher, you had a question. I'm just going to read that. Do you have cases where you would recommend that the marriage should not take place when the couple is attending the marriage planning course? If so, what would be the reasons? Okay, excellent question. So in the years of my premarital counseling at APC, I've had pre-couples break away their engagement. Okay. Often, okay, it is not because it is recommended by us, but because we have, we have probably told them that there are some of these areas as we have noticed that requires work, a lot more of work than what has already been put in. So sometimes when they do see that there is an incompatibility in one specific area and they feel that's not something that they can work with, they themselves decide to call off the marriage. There have been times that at the right time, and I'm not joking, but at the right time, a day before the wedding, there has been significant issues that have cropped up and the couple have decided to call off the wedding. And I believe that, that one was, you know, and I remember just praying a week before they were going to get married and I bought, and as I was praying with that couple, I said, God, if there is anything in this marriage that you see should, you know, is a hindrance or is a deterrent for them coming together, please expose it. And I don't even know why I prayed that, but the day before the wedding, that actually, that actually happened. So yes, there are times that we may, we usually recommend that work needs to be done, because the choice is not ours. We cannot, you know, we do not choose for them and say you can't get married, but we recommend that there are these features, these factors that really need to be looked into. And we think you need to spend six more months on it. And that's our recommendation. So we do give that recommendation. Sometimes couples do take that on and work through it. Some of them decide to call it off. So yes, that does happen. Okay. I think Nisha has asked a question, would soul ties with previous relationships affect the marriage between Christian couples? Yes. Soul ties with previous relationships do affect the marriage. And that is something that needs to be renounced. That needs to be broken. To know what the effects of those ties and attachments have been. A lot of times when people are sexually involved, there is a lot more difficulty in detaching, but that needs to be addressed. That is something that does affect the marriage. Yes, it does. What can you say about Christian couples who opt to separate and come out of their marriage? Okay. So Rose, that's a huge big question. Okay. So when we're looking at Christian couples, I think I did mention the last time when we are saying divorce in a Christian couple, what the Bible says is to either abandonment or adultery. These are some of the reasons allowed for separation in marriage. However, even though we've said that the idea is to build not to break. So when people do come at that those last stages to us in our counseling center, we say that we would want to give it another chance for us to help build that marriage back. Okay. And that's what we we do try our very best to help them do it. However, at the end of it, it is the choice of many of the couple on how they like to how they would want to take that forward. A recommendation is given. But we but even if they do not choose that recommendation, we do walk with them in love, we walk with them in helping them come to a place of right standing with God. So I cannot maybe there isn't a complete answer to this. There are many times that you know, there are significant struggles in this decision. But nevertheless, this is the principle that we stand by. I hope I've answered these two questions. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah. Right. Can we shall be close with prayer? I'm sure. Yeah, we probably overshort our time. Let's just close with prayer. May I ask somebody to pray? Prabhakar, would you like to close with a word of prayer? Prabhakar, there are two Prabhakars here. Oh, sorry. Prabhakar Rao, would you like to close with prayer? Sure, Pastor. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Dear Heavenly Father, we praise you. We acknowledge your holy name. We come across your throne of grace. We are so grateful for this wonderful opportunity you have provided us, Lord. Thank you for this wonderful class and thank you for giving this honorable time for us to learn and about this Christian Action family. Lord, I praise for you for this wonderful learning process we have. We are learning so much through your wisdom and through your grace. Lord, bless Pastor and bless each and every brethren who are studying here. And let us abide in your holy institution called marriage. And let us lead a holy life, Father. And whatever we are learning, let us do implement in our holy lives. And let us be partakers of the heavenly abide. And thank you for this. Again, thank you for this wonderful opportunity. I give all glory and honors to your holy name as this prayer in the holy name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you very much and look forward to meeting all of you next time. Goodbye. Have a good day. Thank you, Pastor. Thank you, Pastor. Thank you.