 How Narcissists put you under their spell. Narcissists are expert manipulators. They know how to fuel your emotions so that you overlook the red flags because our emotions are very powerful. They're more powerful than our intellect so if they can control your emotions they can control you. They make you feel a certain way about them and the situation. They use a detailed vision of the future to facilitate bonding and connection. They plant these ideas in your head of what could come into fruition and they do things that make you believe they're going to make it a reality but you have to hold on to them because they're indicating that they are important and useful to you which makes you work hard for them to keep them in your life because they're manipulating your emotions because why else would you hold on to them? Why else would anyone hold on to a narcissist? This is how they trap you. This is how they blind you. This is how they put you under their spell. It's how they're able to keep you unaware of what they're doing because they've managed to deceive you. You may have felt like something was wrong in the beginning but you always found a way to rationalize it. You made excuses for them when you already knew the truth. You already knew that something was not right. Many of you have caught the narcissist cheating. Many of you have caught them stealing from you. Many of you have caught them lying to you but they still managed to get you to change your thoughts and decisions about it. They managed to get you to relax after being radio alert even after they lied to you and manipulated you and you knew exactly what they were doing but you still changed your thoughts about it because you wanted to believe that they cared about you. You wanted to believe they're a good person and they're on your side. You weren't seeing that this person could hurt you. You weren't seeing that they could leave you without resources or help. You weren't thinking about that. If you were, you wouldn't give them a chance. You wouldn't tolerate their behavior but you do because you think they care about you just like you care about them but they don't. They're not like you. They're very different. That's how they lack affection and warmth. It's how they don't have any sympathy for you. It's how it's so easy for them to not feel your pain or show serious or careful thought or real understanding when they finally get rid of you because you've accepted them as being deserving of your trust. You're expecting them to share the same thoughts and feelings that you have of them but they're not going to return that same thing back to you. When you put up with things from the narcissist it's because you think they would do the same thing for you. You think they would consider you. You think that they would show compassion for you because you're together in a relationship and they're showing you that they want to be with you but they don't follow the same moral rules or standards of good behavior or fair dealing as you do. They don't have the same morals and values. If they're going through a difficult time, you might struggle to overcome, eliminate and prevent something for them. You might do anything to help them but if they change from being in a weaker position to being in a stronger position they wouldn't do the same for you. They would get rid of you. They would replace you and leave you without resources or help which is something that many of you can't comprehend. Many of you can't make sense of that which is why you really need to have this talk with the people that you get involved with. You need to ask them that if you were in need of something, if you didn't have enough money, food or good health, would they have the same amount of understanding as you would have for them? Would they have the same amount of patience? Would they bring approval and kindness to you just as you would do for them? This is something you really need to ask yourself. Would they give you the same type of treatment that you would give to them and if you're unsure about that or if you have never seen them behaving in that way then that should tell you everything that you need to know. There may have been times where you loaned the narcissist some money and they may have taken a long time to pay you back. They may have made a lot of excuses but you were okay with it. You didn't pressure them about it but then you borrowed money from them and they didn't have the same patience and understanding. They may have started insulting you. They may have threatened to call the police if they didn't get their money on time because they couldn't relate. They couldn't feel the same way as you do. They couldn't see that when they did it, you were patient with them. You didn't insult them. You didn't threaten them but they don't have the same understanding. They don't think the same way as you do. They don't think that you loaned them money and you had a lot of patience with them. You didn't assault them or threatened them so they shouldn't treat you that way. They don't think like that because they lack empathy. They lack the ability to understand and enjoy your feelings. They lack the ability to put themselves in your shoes. They're self-centered. They're only interested in themselves. They have no regard for you. They're not even looking at the bigger picture to see that they put you in that situation, which is how you should already know that there's going to be a problem later down the line because for them to put you under their spell, there needs to be double standards. There needs to be codes and policies that favor them over you. You will always need to be given them better treatment than they're given to you and anyone who does that is going to be a problem to you because they think it's okay for them to be doing that to you. But if you did that to them, they wouldn't put up with it. They wouldn't accept it but they want you to accept them. They want you to accept things that they would never accept from you. And that is a huge red flag. You will have problems with anyone who thinks that way because they will want you to overlook it. They will want you to be asleep when they do something wrong. They won't want you to pay attention to it. They don't have the same understanding. They don't think the same way as you do which is why they can't put themselves in your situation. They can't see that they wouldn't like it if someone did that to them which is why they will betray you. They will break their promise. They will lie. They will be disloyal. They will steal from you. But sometimes it's good to be in these situations so that you can see how they respond. So you can see if they're really in your corner. You can see if they're really on your side because that will tell you if they're really investing in you. If they only care about themselves or if they're united with you. The narcissist will put you under their spell because they want you to overlook problems. They want you to forget about things that they've done wrong. They want you to think that things will get better on their own. But things won't get better. They never will. You will experience a very difficult struggle that requires a great deal of effort and determination and you won't understand how you could do so much for them but they couldn't do the same for you in return which is something that you need to be aware of because when you're dealing with them you will find that you're always the one who has to do the right thing. You always have to prevent your anger from taking control of you and you are the one that has to go through things that are not good for you. Not them. They never have to deal with anything. They never have to share your pain. It's all on you every single time. You're left to carry the weight. You're left to apologize. You're left to fix things and make things right. To make things more interesting. To add excitement and entertainment to their lives. While they indirectly express their negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. While they insult you and put you down. While they constantly make you feel like you're doing something wrong because they put you under their spell. Narcissists are always thinking of ways to hurt you. They can never be normal because they're afraid. They live in fear. They're very insecure. They constantly scan in the environment of threats because they're in survival mode. They're just trying to survive. So they always need to have an advantage. They always need control. So they can't afford to be equal or fair. They have to bargain with you. They have to deal with you on a budget instead of giving you the same treatment that you're giving to them. There will never be any fairness for the narcissist which means that they will never be loyal to you because they can't afford it. They can't invest in you because they just see you as a means to an end. They see you as something temporary. They're already expecting things to go wrong. Because things do go wrong. As a result of their own behavior, which is why they don't believe in you or trust you. They don't believe in or trust anything. So even if there was a perfect person walking the earth and they managed to be involved with them, they would still find a way to mess it up because they are the problem and they know it. So their mission is to find someone who can fix the problem. Their mission is to find someone who can fix them. Someone who will overlook and tolerate their shock of behavior. Someone who will be their doma. Someone who will be their fool and love them without conditions or limits. Without wanting anything in return. Without desiring any fairness or equality. That's the kind of person they want. So the more like that you are, the longer they're going to keep you around and they will do that by keeping you under their spell. By making you not aware or concerned about all of the things they're doing to you. To break you down mentally so that they can do what they want to you and get away without any consequences. And you're just supposed to take it. You're just meant to accept it. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonates with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching Inquiries, you can email me at coaching.naksabiver.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.