 anything to make me leave them and talk to him. He'd blow up my phone while I was at dinner, if I didn't respond he'd call me awful things just to bait me into giving him attention. Even on prom night he tried convincing me to stay home and when I didn't comply he went silent which worried me to death. Illimation has been extremely brave with sharing her story about her abusive ex boyfriend and in this video we're going to be discussing how she became an emotional hostage and what you can look out for so you don't have the same thing happen to you. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is pull different topics from the YouTube community to try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and something that I love about the community and the subscribers I have and everybody following me on social media is that you guys are amazing amazing at recommending videos for me to check out and kind of unpack and you know teach you different lessons and all that and I never heard of Illimation or any of this I'm probably going to screw up her name 50 million times but anyways a lot of you told me that she made a new video so in this video I'm actually going to break down the first video that she did about how she met her abusive ex boyfriend I'll probably do the next one tomorrow so for those of you who don't know I am currently in the middle of writing an anger management book called Rewire Your Anger I needed a little bit of a break so I decided to watch this so anyways go check out my Instagram at the Rewired Soul I put up the entire chapter list hopefully be out by Sunday if not Monday but anyways yeah as I break this down like just so you know there's so much there's so much going on here and I could talk about this forever I didn't realize that her video was about her being so young when this happened and that that's a huge deal and the first thing I will say is that I'm so glad that she's an animator and she's making this because there's so many young people out there and like I'm a parent I have a son who's about to turn 10 years old and we've had conversations and things like that but I know some parents find it difficult or awkward or they don't like talking about these things and you know we're always worried like is my kid gonna watch Jake Paul or Tanimojo but you have somebody like Illy Mation over on YouTube who's using her platform to teach young women even young men about what to look out for and that is so admirable those of you who've been following my channel I'm a huge huge huge advocate of sharing your story because it can help so many other people and I look forward to checking out Illy Mation's other videos about how she got out of it but I will remind you too at the end of this video as well I put all of the resources that she has in my description so if you need help make sure you go and check that out one day someone popped in and said they liked my drawing and they asked how old I was I said I was 13 they said they were 17 and they thought my art was so good that I had to be an art teacher or something now this may seem like a compliment and it is especially from someone older than you and that's exactly what I was thinking but considering what would later happen this is called grooming so yeah this first this first part uh that I showed it's it's about grooming and as a parent it's it's difficult and I'll tell you this like just the best thing that we can do the best thing that we can do is just have open dialogue with our children at all times I grew up I grew up when AOL was like the first big thing we had dial-up moding with the that whole thing so like that's where I started and from that time back in the 90s or yeah 90s like it it was an issue like there's predators out there and um go check out my buddy ready to glare's channel she just put up a video about what's going on on tumblr and how it's coming over to twitter and how there's people who are doing child grooming now like we need to be aware of this and hopefully ready to glare and I can do a collab soon because I'm learning so much stuff and as a parent it freaks me out even more but there's just certain things that we got to teach our kids about and have an open conversation about right like my son right now is in the other room playing fortnite right he plays on xbox live with a lot of his friends but we've had like talks and guidelines and I communicate with him I'm like how old are the people you're playing with and and all of that and most of them are within his age range and then like once in a while he'll be like oh yeah we were playing with an adult on our team the other day I'm like what you were playing with an adult and we'll be like yeah they were like 12 and a half I'm like okay whatever but but yeah like have these conversations um if if you are really worried and this is something I might need to make a whole separate video about like it is okay to to check and ask or have these checks or whatever it is for safety reasons but please if you're a parent like educate yourself about what's going on how people out there are trying to take advantage of kids because it is a a bad situation and I'm glad illumination is bringing some light to it he'd accuse me of ignoring him and hating him and one night when I fell asleep I woke up to a barrage of text from him saying he was going to kill himself because I was ignoring him and I called him a million times and after hours of calling and texting him that I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again he finally responded and thankfully he was okay but I was not at 13 I couldn't imagine being the reason someone killed themselves all right so this this is huge like the rest of this video I want you all to understand like this could happen to you at any age any age at all all right so right there she's talking about how this dude would threaten suicide and this is where we're talking about how somebody is kept as an emotional hostage all right there there's so much that goes into it I made a video a while back about being an emotional hostage and illumination like her video explains how it evolves how it happens they're going to make you feel bad in different ways they're going to tell you that you know you're hurting their feelings you know you're doing this to them and all these other things and like you need to look for these red flags all right so if you are like out in the dating scene if you're on like Tinder or or KCupid or whatever it is and you start talking to a guy or you start talking to a gal and they start doing these things and trying to make you feel bad for not showing them all these all this attention that is a huge huge huge red flag I actually mentioned this in the video I did the other day about Hailey Reese like some of us were so lonely and we want somebody to be there for us that we think it's like enduring that this person texts us 24 seven and wants all over our attention but no because it can turn into stuff like this so like be aware of somebody who wants a hundred percent of your attention all the time but then it escalates to a point where if illumination wasn't talking to him he he would threaten suicide and this is something that we need to take very seriously so my mom who's a psychologist and I we made a video a few months ago about this happening and how to take suicidal threats seriously like you have to you have to have to have to and in case I don't circle back to this point like please please please everybody out there watching this video if you even get close to this situation talk to people talk to people talk to people like this is why we have a discord server this is why we have a facebook group all this stuff is always linked down in the description have people you can talk to have people you can talk to and say is this normal is this weird is something off you know what I mean because it can slowly escalate into a place where the person is threatening suicide but like if you came to me it's like okay call the police call the cops do this do that right I can give you some steps that's what some of these resources down below in the description will help you with as well but let me use some of my personal experience okay I made a video a while back about how you need to quit blaming other people for your feelings but at the same time you cannot be responsible for other people's feelings you guys I work in drug and alcohol treatment and the last three years I've had over 70 people die if I take responsibility for all of those deaths I'm gonna lose my mind right so remember like you cannot make somebody do anything like that all right no matter how much they try to manipulate you into thinking that you cannot make someone feel that way if you provide them with the resources if you call the police if you call 911 or whatever it is to send you know emergency services over to their house you are doing the most that you can do but in situations like this you need to talk to somebody so you can exit that situation like you cannot be held as an emotional hostage in this way all right that clip right there like that's a huge red flag like ladies especially like that's a huge red flag guys too huge red flag if if somebody keeps pressuring you into doing something and you have clearly stated that it makes you uncomfortable bye peace out see you later I am done I am gone all right like someone who does not respect your boundaries has no place in your life all right like I know I know that it sounds kind of harsh it sounds kind of rough but man like it like these type of videos get me worked up because my entire life I've had you know uh female like a lot of female friends like my best friend is a woman my girlfriend is a woman but anyways I've grown up around women my entire life and I I hear these stories about how men just do these things that are just like and I'm not trying to white knight or uh r slash nice guys up in here but it's just awful and like we really need to look out for this so like if somebody is not respecting your boundaries when you tell them what is making you uncomfortable you need to exit that situation these pictures of me were so important to him he'd do anything to get them so he found a way to deny deflect and blame me for everything I can't believe you think I'm what is wrong with you are you crazy do you have any idea how that makes me feel as your boyfriend that you think I'm a right there elimination is talking about gas lighting and this is huge okay this is when somebody like elimination like describes it but anyway it's when somebody makes you question your own sanity right like have you ever um well have you ever watched the Shane Dawson series about Jake Paul they talked a little bit about how narcissists or sociopaths will do this right well I guess both will do this but like they'll make you feel bad for them doing something bad to you like that's bonkers one of the best like ways to uh counter gas lighting is to have a support group to bounce these things off other people and say does this sound right to you does it sound right to you that this person is saying these things to me and making me feel bad about what they're doing like you need to have other people and this is like huge for any type of just mental health thing at all like I cannot always trust this thing this is why I bounce things off of other people so I know I'm like okay am I overreacting to this situation or is this really happening he also threatened to kill me and then himself if I didn't comply you could have said no no I couldn't have I was terrified you don't know what it was like you don't get to say that to me and millions of other young children who are lured into this kind of evil every day and lastly lastly elimination like discusses why why people stay silent why people stay silent and you know there's there's so many there's so many stories just just looking through the news and it just breaks your heart right and the most we can do is just try to spread some awareness and try to provide resources and open up and talk to people like again if you're watching this like that's one of the reasons why we have the discord server there's like a thousand people in there and and specific chat rooms so if you are in this situation you just need someone to talk to like pick up your phone message somebody or get into our facebook group and post about it okay there are many women and there are many men who have been through these situations before they will help guide you through walk you through this provide you with resources all of that find support because no you don't have to like you don't have to run and like you know tell the local news or like you know your parents these are all things that I recommend but if you're not at that place yet like you need to tell somebody especially if you are a young person watching this video something that I hear a lot from my younger audience is that they're afraid to tell their parents for a variety of reasons they don't want their parents to get mad they don't want their parents to worry that's that's talk to somebody at your school okay a teacher a counselor somebody that you trust okay have a conversation with them but do not keep this to yourself all right you need to find somebody local in your area who you could talk to about this I get messages all the time from my younger audience and like I wish I could help everybody but the best thing you can do is talk to somebody local to your area okay do not stay silent about this stuff find somebody who you can talk to about it all right so anyways yeah Illymation she's definitely one of my new favorite creators I just subscribe to her channel I will be watching part two probably tomorrow I might make a part two recap tomorrow but anyways I got my book to complete rewire your anger again follow me on Instagram and Twitter it should be hopefully going live on Sunday or Monday depending on when they approve it and let it go through and all that stuff but anyways follow me because I'll be doing giveaways and stuff like that for copies of the book soon all right but anyways again there are resources down in the description if you or someone you know needs help make sure you check out the description all right but that's all I got for you with this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you are all amazing and there is also some brand new exclusive content over on patreon so if you signed up go check it out it's my secret to how I stay motivated all right thanks again for watching I'll see you next time