 Hi everyone, episode number 26 of the Muddy Mockle fully actual podcast and yeah we're filming on a Wednesday night and usually we're filming on a Monday but we've pushed things back a bit just because I don't know if many of you have seen, I know a lot of the website members have seen but Posey's been quite sick and he's kind of been told that he could go at any moment so just kind of dealing with that. So yeah it kind of started on Saturday where Michael and I went to go see fucking Gary V and then I came home and he was kind of unresponsive just lying on his little couch so I just scooped him up, took him to the vet and the vets found all this fluid around his heart and apparently that can happen from heart damage or from having cancer on the heart. So they drained it, they stuck a big needle in him and drained it and all the fluid went into his lungs and then he came home and well they did a bunch of tests on him and they saw that yeah there was a mass on his heart so the vet basically said if it fills up again like could kill him obviously but yeah that he doesn't have long left, it's just kind of draining, it's just kind of a temporary fix so yeah we just kind of been, so I've just been hanging with Posey a bit and just spending a bit of time with him but fuck me it's rough having a dog yeah, I don't think I'll ever buy a dog again, it's too much. Yeah it is, it's a lot of love and then it's just the ending is never fun. But if you really think about it, he's not really a dog, like you had the best dog that was or still do and is 10 years plus of the best memories ever. Yeah it's just so shocking because he was so fucking happy and healthy literally took him for a walk Saturday morning, he was running around and then boom just totally fucked. So even today like today is like looks just like he normally does, he's just running around, lots of energy, he's like playful and stuff but it just turns so quickly so. So nice with dogs though, they're so in the moment people will be like oh I'm sick, I know I'm sick and they'll be whinging and lying in bed and getting everyone to look after him. Posey's like I feel good right now, I'm gonna run around, I'm gonna go say hi to everyone. I hate when people don't die straight away, it's so annoying. Yeah I get you. Yeah but he's fucking, yeah so he's, yeah I don't know it's really strange how much, like it's almost like I've got time to prepare for an hour. Yeah well like because it was mentally. Honestly one of probably the saddest moments I've had in a long time in my life but on Saturday night it was either choose to put him down or like risk him like being alone for the operation and then Marty made the choice to like yeah we'll go with the operation. If you hadn't have done that you wouldn't have these few weeks or potentially months who knows. Yeah it was the right decision. So they made it sound so like doom and gloom they're like oh you know his platelet levels are really low on his blood so you know us draining his heart he could bleed out or you know he could keep bleeding. I'm sure they have to say that though right. Yeah but she really made it sound quite negative. She's like oh you know a lot of the time they only have like they'll, it'll be an hour after the operation their heart will bleed again or it could go at any moment tomorrow. Like just basically saying he's got one or two days left the way she was saying. Yeah even hours she's like like trying to push that it will probably fill up like it does fill up in hours like after so it's like oh fuck if you have to do it again. Maybe she was worried that something would go wrong and that he'd be in pain and. Oh and then the worst part is dropping him at the vet because like he has so many trust issues Bosley he has to get to know you as a human being first before he like is comfortable with you and just dropping him at a stranger's like house and when all these people are touching him getting in his personal space and stabbing him with shit like it's just so traumatic for him and then just every time I have to leave him just he just like even yeah but when before they did the operation he just kind of looked back at me and was like I can't believe you fucking leave and can't. What was he like when you put him in the cart what was it like when you put him in the car to come here. Yeah he's gets real nervous now in the car he starts shaking because he's scared I'm taking him to the vet again. That was the look Matt gave all of us when he had his kidney stones. Yeah. No but it's all maybe I can't remember. You all came and visited I don't remember. Yeah yeah. You got fingered by a nurse. Yeah I did. It's probably like one of your fondest memories now. It's so good because my girlfriend at the time left as soon as she left I got fingered. Wow. And the nurse was hot. That's like oh my god. It was a good night. Yeah if you're watching nurse call up. You'll never have another ass like that. Did she get jealous of it when you told her. She like came back in and she was like hold on. We. She just assaulted me. Were you pushing back into her? Oh no I was in panic mode because it felt like a shit mess back. Grabbing himself. Did she do it with no glove. No she used a glove. Why didn't you ask for no glove. I didn't even watch. I was in pain and panicking. When she did it I never had the feeling before and this is why I'm picturing what the feeling was. Anyway I never had the feeling before and I felt like I'd I'd chat everywhere like like I'd just pooed all over her hand and she's like and so and she goes okay pull your pants up and I was like oh I didn't shit myself it was just your fingers is that what you said. I literally said I said I'm so sorry myself. Was she hot? Oh she was being a little slimy. Wow so that. She was she was like a 10 and I was sitting there going I am so sorry because I thought I just. She was that hot. Oh she was hot. Wow. It made me know like to the point where. Did you get hot. I was like oh I don't know. I don't know. Imagine what she would have done if you started wanking off during the call the police I'd say. I wonder if that's a lie I've been before because you saw out of it on. Nurses are the nicest people in the world they're just back and go that's inappropriate. Stand back until you stop. So you do that in you do that to anyone else in their profession and cops get called but nurses you can probably get away with that they understand imagine doing that like a to a teacher they are the most understanding people anyway. So yeah if we're a bit flat today that's why just yeah it's just a bit it'd be hard to try and be it's probably the hardest thing about our jobs is to try and be funny during times of severe stress. I was going to point out that this year has been so much stress the entire like season like the heart issue. Mainly for Marty. Yeah. Someone else's like you had to get you got married like there's been so many events on we've had some like real negative things happen this year. Yeah I feel like this season is just hasn't gotten what it's deserved either this year I feel like season four was fucking amazing and this year it's been a bit like other shit going on it's been a bit secondary the podcast. But then also the like business stress as well you've been a lot of changes there. Man the website too that's been fucking so much shit going on but yeah anyway no excuses we're fucking weird and now as you can see we've had the week off last week this episode is not age restricted and we're not going to have this issue moving forwards anymore guys. So let's hope and also just from the episode two weeks ago when we had Blakey on we read through some of the comments and like yeah we know that it's frustrating sometimes because the board like no one's really with the with the show me and the boys stuff like understand it's frustrating if you watch their stuff but it's not really our place to talk about that sort of shit especially and you put yourself in our position if your friends ask you hey please don't speak about something live on the podcast like is if we're going to do it. Not that they've said that to us but yeah of that it's not something where we're going to start we don't talk we don't gossip about our mates you know and like yeah it's none of our business but you look understand it's frustrating but yeah it's got nothing to do with us so like you know talk to them about it. It's got nothing to do with us like you know not wanting to say anything or to be secretive or anything like that it's just not our place so we're not going to talk about it. But we are going to film fucked dodgeball number two with them all. Maybe. Okay. That's a lie sorry. Shame. A few people did ask if because we had obviously had a lot of the boys and if everything was okay with you guys and show me and that's all still good as well. Yeah look we saw show me the Gary V thing like we don't know issues with any of the boys okay well they're all they're all friends of ours and all you need to know is if anything like that ever happened at Marty and Michael we would tell you guys okay we would let you guys know what's if a major member or something left or something we would let you guys know so you don't so but if it's their shit it's their shit so just ask them and yeah other than that it's gonna we'll try and get a normalish episode out but yeah please excuse the low energy and the sorry yeah it's just hard to try and be funny at the moment you know. Smoke a bomb. Yeah you guys just smoke a bomb because we do have fucking we got Matt vs. Michael we got Tinder Adventures James is here we got fucking we got an on this day got a lot of PR and that's got stickers it's just fucking wild so fucking let's get in. Oh and tales of Bethlehem will happen. James has got a tale of Bethlehem he'd like to talk about. Yeah dude. So fucking let's get the sponsors done and rip in come. All right do you want me to take this one. Yeah okay. All right so basically if you are Harry or not Harry or going to be Harry you need this product it does all of it will head your beard your pubes every single hair it is manscaped go to manscaped.com grab the the shaver in particular is just so good and make sure that you buy it. Fuck the weed cookies kicking in. Buy it and sell it. A lot of people ask me about the little white clips that come with the shaver if they can be replaced they can be replaced. Yeah and basically I use it on my balls I use it on everything you have to shave your balls it's essential think about it do you get sucked off with Harry balls. Oh yeah. Most men don't okay and it's our code is fully actual slash twenty fully actual slash twenty yeah link in the description guys twenty percent off manscaped go and buy your fucking shit. If you buy it in bulk you could start a side business and try and sell it for more. We have done that yeah so if you want to buy it more expensive you go to our website and we'll sell it to you more expensive rate. No no but if you yeah that's smart business as you can buy. They send it to us for free they sent to us for free and we just put it up on our website and we sell it. So buy in bulk and then try and sell it manscaped also so you can you can go to Colton Wallies to you can steal a product if you're good enough. Oh yeah you can steal it there you can do it in words. Plenty of plenty of ways you can get it without actually having to pay for it okay. Or if you're too lazy can be fucked out just can't go for the actual twenty. So good. Also for women. Yeah I get a bit just a little bit okay. AG1. Okay basically what happened this is a pure example of what case and point of what happens when you take AG1. Yep. Today Mr Brown walked in or huddled in like a pirate sort of stump in his way to his bed he was fucking gross. He was so fucked up that like he could hardly move he hasn't he had no energy. So disgusting. I forward thinking went fuck it. I made me and him in AG1 I sculled mine I actually really liked the flavour gave it to Matt probably about forty five minutes later he arose. It was quicker. From the darkness of his bedroom. He was lying in the darkness of his bedroom fucking gross. So it brings you back from a hard day's work you can go back to a podcast still have energy and it's sort of fixed his knee a bit. Seventy five vital nutrients and minerals go to fucking there's a link in the description of this but AG1.com slash fully actual I think some shit like that just check the link in the description sorry. It's a subscription that just rocks up your door you have it every day. It's good for you. Bye. It's also green which is cool if you like the colour green. And it's also for women. Yeah also for women. It's like for both equally and like all the genders you can have it if you're a like a Bicentennial man or if even kids I recommend it. Sorry. What about what about our third sponsor? Oh most sorry. Yeah so we have a website look there's a bag up there you probably can't see it on the wide angle it's up there and we're going to be filming High Hiking part two soon which is fun and fuck while we're on the topic of website filming man we filmed so this is like last week we fucking filmed attempted to film a website video called activities day vlog part two so we've done one of these before so it's me Michael and Julian and we each pick an activity so I pick an activity and Julian and Michael don't know what that activity is we go and do that activity and they have to participate and then it's the next person's choice and the next person's choice and oh my god this would video this okay fucking picture this right this we've Julian's I got up for my activity it's at night time and you guys are gonna have to be blindfolded and fucking ear muffed and like so it's complete we don't know what's going on he puts us in a van in the van and just fucking starts driving for like 40 30 minutes or something and we don't know where we where we are and he gave us hints throughout the week because we were a bit worried because Julian's a bit unpredictable he was like he's like well he made it sound like it was going to be something physical and I kind of fell for that I was like I surely it's just going to be something physical and you know saying like oh you know they need your shoe sizes and all this I was like yeah we're active gear and yeah stuff like that so he puts us in the van we pull up with Michael not trying to figure out what the fuck it is and then fucking one by one Michael gets dragged out first and Mike as he's getting dragged out of the van goes I know what it is so Michael like and again Michael didn't have very long to prepare so it didn't really doesn't matter but like it was fucked I that the only literally was like I'm getting dragged to into a fucking cage or something to fight some cunt right now and like a blindfolded earplugs and earmuffs on so you can't hear a thing you can't you can't hear anything you can't hear a live crowd or anything so you get see James and Julian start taking me they're playing music in the in the headphones so I literally can't hear anything or I haven't seen anything for like an hour and man your mind just starts playing tricks on you at the top of the stairs before you guys let me down those stairs you guys were like pushing me against a wall and I in my head I was like oh my god they're putting me into one of those slingshot things yeah Marty full started like battling against us yeah I was like yeah I was like fully thought oh my god I had to like pull his headphone out and be like relax you're okay like calm down hearing James's voice would calm me down they just get dragged forward suddenly and then blindfold off and I'm staring at a live fucking audience like not a massive audience like 50 people in this small bar and I'm it's I look around and it's a fucking stand-up open mic night yeah it's just like five minutes immediately like fucking panicked and then like I haven't heard my cause apparently Michael got more laughs than I did it was just so bad like I just wish I had at least like just five minutes to think of something because I would have just told a story or something if I was in a karma state of mind but it was just like panic and then like they're waiting for you to say something they're waiting for you to say something and then it was just straight to like fucking pedo jokes and just a fuck you both went to like like the worst like thing that would annoy everyone yeah we said some fucked up shit but I do not regret it and it was comedy everybody yeah so we think you know incredibly traumatic it's like the shit you have nightmares about like getting you wake up and you're on fucking stage doing stand-ups like very oh man it was just I was just cringing for two days straight just cringing whenever I thought about the shit that I said just very unfunny very shit but a great entertainment for everyone who knows what's going on and you had your ass out the whole time yeah yeah I pulled my son he pulled his pants down I think he thought that would be funny wherever he was going but I think you know this is probably the only funny thing that's happened it's just that I had my ass out a bit and to be honest there was a moment where I was like I'm going to show you guys my asshole yeah I'm glad you didn't and so am I there was like 18 year old girls in that room yeah true it would have been a fool and everyone was like laughing and kind of like like you know jean me up like yeah jokingly but at the time you're so full of adrenaline I think that was the only one I was like yeah do it in my head I was like I want you to do it because I was in the furrow yeah do it pretty sure Amber was like no no no oh my god dude thank god because you just have this crazy energy going through you just don't know what to do you just so fucked in the head cut oh man so cringe I did laugh hard at the like yours like the cringe like I could see everyone going like freaking out and that made me laugh but then I was in my head in my hands by then I filmed the audience Marty I should show you I've got just the whole time I just filmed the audience reaction there was a lot of that what you're doing right now that's a lot of what happened oh my god no Amber was dying she like kept putting her head in her hands like this and what was I like what were they like for me I was in the car with Marty for yours it was hard to look around because I yeah but I'm a I think for both of you I think more for Marty I put my head in my hands oh no man well they sort of everyone knew what was coming when you came out so they I don't know and maybe people expected Michael to be as random and out there as he was but they probably expected you to be a little bit better yeah I know that's what I mean that's the worst part because people will expect oh you know I thought you'd be somewhat funny it's okay I can just be a bit retarded yeah and your improvisation on the podcast yeah dude that's what I mean that's what I was like two minutes just to without the pressure I wish you just got your phone out and called someone did a prank call oh yeah see so many great ideas that I wish I just had two minutes to think of oh yeah that would have been brilliant yeah I mean great it was dude fuck that's such a good idea yeah that's not a bad comedy I imagine a dude who just came out every time and did a prank call for five minutes it would be so annoying if they like hung up straight away but yeah it still do pizza yeah it always works but yeah so that so we're like fuck this is gonna be great footage after the trauma wore off but then we realized looking back at the footage she was like oh my god the audio wasn't fucking working on the camera oh man so yeah dude it is the closest I've come to like a full blown tantrum since working at Marty and Mike I pretty much got there I was like 80% there's no one's fault it's just a fucking well some of my fault you don't know how to operate a camera it happened to us a couple weeks ago when we did the makeup experiment it happens all the time this fucking the plug was like pushed the whole way in sorry that's a that's a bad visual but like the whole way in and literally I just need to push it one fucking millimeter further to hear this like this clicky noise right at the end those things happen yeah and it's like honestly it's about so much but we managed to salvage because the venue filmed it as well so we're gonna use our audio for that but the audio is just gonna be a bit shit for two thirds of the video but yeah that's gonna be on the website and I'm so sorry Julian said the audio is actually pretty good yeah I heard that and we're gonna any bits that we don't have good audio for we're literally gonna dub funny shit over the top so I actually think that comedically might be amazing yeah it'd be quite funny I reckon the video is not wrong but yeah fuck me anyway that's our website I want to have another god stand up one day to redeem us I think you should yeah me too I think you should too Mark because that was just so fucked but anyway well done I would love to see you do five minutes to stand up comedy brown yeah oh brown that would be so brown I did sit there and go because there was this small part of me though because Julian was like you sit here brown and I was like I'm getting fucked they fucked me and I grabbed him as he left I said this has nothing to do with me does it Julian he goes and just walked off I was like fuck and then I said to Amber I was like Amber there's nothing oh no not that I heard of I was like Amber was very trustworthy and I was like I was like okay but I just had this panic once you guys were done I had this panic that you were going to turn around and go like ah next up Matt Brown I was like oh and then I was on that I'd have to stand up because were you thinking about what you'd say oh whole time the whole time and I was like and I knew I knew I was in my head I was like alright I'm just going to tell a blockbuster story and I'm just going to go from there fuck man so fucked it was just like I had no idea zero completely did not was not expecting that at all yeah and then the blindfolds removed yeah anyway fuck me you made fantastic viewing so yeah get on there get on the website and watch that one look who it is boys Bozzy you're talking about Boz I thought you were talking about your your wife here he is come here Bozzy he wants to hang out with him on yeah he does he's fucking obsessed with it lately she gets a bigger wag than I do now good boy Bozzy I might struggle yeah he's a bit fucking weak but he's hanging in there like and look at him he looks fine right now yeah look at him he's looking good I wish people could see him a bit more call him over Bozzy come here come here come good boy Bozzy he's good boy it hurts him to sit down but anyway alright let's fucking let's get on this day out of the way probably time for a bong break bong break everyone have a massive fat bong for us please we'll be back with on this day Matt vs Michael and Tinder adventures cut that cut that and we're back and we've had a little bit of weed too we're a bit high now Matt you work at wholesome how dare you I have not taken any weed you did mate you just had a big fucking part it was just an edible though they don't come up in the system look at him playing with his computer now he never does that he blows these beautiful big thick smokes I'm just pointing out the things I'm doing and then he stabs his hand through like that and sits back point Michael that likes prostitutes no well recently this is true Matt Brown with some random bitch she had an abortion why did he keep saying that to people she did that is all so untrue come on let's see if we can make that up Matt vs Michael Matt vs Michael Matt vs Michael today Matt vs Michael Matt vs Michael Matt vs Michael today come come come come come have fun come have fun come and this is a signal where Matt and Michael go head to head and battle each other every single week and whoever has won the most battles by the end of the season we get to keep Matt's bottle of mints that sits and divides us I want to bet, I always want to bet when this happens I need someone to bet with you're quite the gambler in sort of I love it it's currently 1411 to Michael Michael won last week and it's yeah it's close remember you were only two weeks behind last week man it was 1311 at one point I think was there ever a 1312 what I make that up in my mind yeah I thought I was one up no one up you never say you were ahead did you listen to what I just said okay sorry I thought I was one behind okay alright look we don't fully know what the score is we can't do that someone did make a comment about the score and I didn't quite let us know in the comments please can you please check for us guys that's so lazy on our part can you go through all our episodes we'll do it it's either 1411 or 1412 yeah that's it 1412 is generous alright look to be honest guys I haven't thought of the Matt vs Michael this week so we can come up with it together oh okay so we all have to agree on it how about like yeah campaigns I'm trying to sell one you're trying to sell one whatever they both agree on that we sell gets chosen it has been decided that this week he's got it already who's the better campaigner and whoever wins we do that next week I love it so you're both going to try and convince us to do a Matt vs Michael and that's all for next week coming up with a Matt vs Michael the Matt vs Michael this week it's a twist I'm going to go with, I'm going to bet on Brown I feel like the voice he's got a beautiful voice, it gives him an advantage he's got feathers you're going to have to work hard tonight yeah my outfit's not really politics Matt's here he looks like a pedophile that works perfect is that campaign speech you're just trying to convince me and James which Matt vs Michael you want us to okay shit, my brain's dead alright, paper scissors rock scissors do we treat this a bit like a beauty pageant like we get to ask them a question and see how they answer pretty much how we, when we brainstorm for video it is pretty much exactly that scissors paper rock scissors paper rock scissors paper rock scissors paper rock scissors paper rock scissors paper rock scissors paper rock yes yes okay sorry so who do you want to go first where are Matt pussy, you're up Matt Brown what, have you even thought of what topic you're going to go with yes fantastic, you can come in babe if you want that wasn't my question he'll just do what you do babe, you just do whatever you do he'll just follow you around he's probably weirded out that everyone's just been following him for the last few days hello he skipped you then Matt, did you notice that I was smiling at him I wonder if they found out that the cancer was contagious it's just been a little bit in your face shit that's a dark joke oh my darlin okay are you ready that was very convincing already because I have a Matt verse Michael that we can all get around that involves everyone and everyone will understand okay see I would people would assume that I'd come and go well let's do movie trivia because Matt knows movies but Matt would not do that to a friend Matt would get everyone involved so my idea for a Matt verse Michael is who knows James Lee the best because we both know you understand and James is here and James can ask the questions too and James can come up with the questions oh I've already won this I've already won this that was very good are we judging on just the presentation or the idea as well yeah the idea as well yeah everything alright Michael is that it, is that the whole show and pony mate I guess so because you were very rude and cut me off which is definitely something that happens in a campaign but I do not back down this will be one of the best Marty verse Michael's I've ever seen because it could be comedic it could be sad, it could be exciting it could be amazing it could be the best I think you said the best before I meant it repetition, Donald Trump does that ladies and gentlemen who knows James Lee the best okay I'll even give you a clap I'll give you two claps and I gave him already okay now now now now boring, nobody wants to do now now now we just heard and I know and you guys are all going to comment that you want this too because you're going to come here and hear James ask some questions about himself like what's my middle name and then we go oh my god I don't know please James is a teacher that is so boring dude it's like question and answer that that's why we cut the Q&A dickhead alright now instead of that we're going to battle we're going to have a battle and it's not like just not physical because you're too strong too big I can't but this is battle of the minds brother this is battle of the words, the speech well like who knows James Lee the better very good Michael we are going to have a wrap battle and it is going to be a back and forth not just one rap each we are going to have 15 seconds then you have 15 seconds then I'll have 15 seconds and this goes on for 3 minutes and then the boys will judge who was the better Julian Woods at the end I think that's lowering because I'm an excellent rapper and you've put yourself in trouble I came out of friendship I came out of friendship and something that everyone understands and everyone knows nobody's going to know our raps everyone knows James Lee I guarantee you we will be bored with the Q&A about James's favourite colour how many parents James has that is stupid and dumb and shit I can't wait to hear you rhyme what'd you say? wow we've got a sticky situation that is tough are you with me Martin the presentation presidential feeling wise I feel like Matt took it despite it being about me I'd still fucking really want to see Michael's segment I'm like torn between the best speech versus the best segment do you want entertainment or do you want a showman or do you want some trivia on a Tuesday night at the fucking pub about James Lee's fucking favourite how many girlfriends he's had and how old he is that's so stupid see do you want that and I guarantee that I'll win in the comments hey they laughed at but they didn't laugh at your rap battle yeah dude as I said I promised you they'll go with my idea we were not doing a Q&A about James Lee confidence I think wins it for me yeah I'm sorry Matt I want to see Michael's shaking my own hand that's disappointing imagine if I was like I want to do the trivia about me and then everyone in the comments is like rap is better but they're both good ideas I don't mind that shut up I like your idea too Matt look I think for this week I think Michael gets it what do you reckon James? yeah I have to agree I'm afraid if it was just on the speech of the campaign though not the idea as well very good campaign Matt you should be proud of yourself mate I thought that was the idea who can do the best campaign not the best idea that were your words who can do the best campaign not the best idea yeah but I changed it Matt the idea adds to the campaign I'm a sore loser I'm just gonna bitch about this for a while we'll do Michael's next week and then the week after we can do yours I'm not saying we shouldn't do Michael's definitely we should do Michael's idea but I'm saying I campaigned it better yeah well you know which was what you told me to do yeah but the idea adds to the overall campaign I might have used too many swear words but I'm pretty sure presidents have started swearing these days and that's cool both very well done boys so it is now 15.11 I think to Matt and fuck it bro that's fucking sick but get ready next week because it's wrapping time and then the week after he said 15.11 to you it's really to me but that's okay it's 15.11 to me or it might be 15.12 but could you guys check that 14.11 isn't it 14.11 right I think it was 14.11 this one we'll have to check the scores I'm pretty sure it was 14.11 I'm definitely winning anyway sorry what did Matt say it adds up to 25 right there was one yeah and this is the 26 episode that should be right wow you've got to come back quickly as soon as I get to 20 wow yeah 20 is win 5 off well no because no I realized because there was one there'll be podcast episodes after the finale and we'll have to have the winner decided by the finale so it's really only like 37 episodes or something so um remember we've missed one as well in accounting I don't know if we gave it to both of us on one of them yeah exactly right that's exactly right that's exactly right so yeah go back and help us out we'll do that we'll have a look too we'll double we'll cross yeah probably pull on this year the podcast we don't bloody we don't bloody checking things we need a board yeah I mean you're tracking all of your fucking worm game Matt's comment board oh yeah counter oh my god started off well put it on it was so cute a little canvas a little print bits oh that was funny did we give all that money away to that yeah we did find them in the end there was one person who so many people email and say they were that guy so many people I wonder it was like Dave Smith at Gmail and he was like I am like just got a completely different name I don't know you're not Dave very good everyone alright let's fucking move right along you fucking can't let's hear some fucking Tinder adventures hit it Matt you have all the questions and we have all the answers and we've got lots of dances for you that's good it's like a drug that song T-I-N-D-O we have Matt's Tinder Matthew Brown is lost control now these women will lose their souls alright guys this is Matt's Tinder adventures and Matt he's in his mid 40s and he can't seem to find a life partner and so Michael and I we've taken it upon ourselves to help our dear friend Brown out and we've made a Tinder forum using his photos his real name everything is real exact the same and I pretty much I just pretend I am Matt and I speak to these girls on Tinder and I've screen recorded and I'm going to read these conversations to you so this is how we think Matt would talk to girls anyway sorry Michael did fluff yeah man I don't think fluff will ever not be funny like the older you get almost the more ridiculous it is that it's funny like imagine us in 65 and Michael run up to a mirror pulling his pants down turning around and then fucking breathing but he can't control his bow like seeing a six year old do that is would be fucking hilarious dude maybe we're like maybe we're going to be like wine like as we age it becomes funnier and funnier man dude I hope so which is crazy which is so like it'll either go that way it'll either be much funnier or just be like fucking losers it'll just be like these dudes are still doing that it's so gross good for that anyway here we go Matt so as you guys know the first Tinder we had on Michael's old phone that we got banned off of that one so we had to make a new account on my old phone so I think I matched with this girl on the first account because she opens with hey again miss me puppy oh fuck oh my god Danny how the hell have you been sweetness what about you in my journal that's so weird we matched again oh that's the nicest thing you've said to me how you been in shit I can't even remember why we unmatched you were being mean what that doesn't sound like me what did I say refresh my memory glands you called me a bitch oh no way I seriously can't remember that but if I did I'm so sorry that's not how I usually behave lol just kidding don't fuck around with me like that bitch unmatched that is so good such an instant U-turn oh my god that was lovely actually unmatched it's so good alright so this next conversation it's probably my favourite one that I've ever had and I don't know why it's just like to me it's just so funny I just think what must be going through this girl's head it's just yeah I don't know why it's not like particularly gross or anything it's just like so manipulative of Matt to do this like it's fully like you think he's by the end of it this guy must be thinking this guy's a fucking psychopath anyway so it starts with this I'll just throw a Hail Mary out you know Chris is a pretty common name oh god this is a continuation isn't it yeah well I think I only literally read the first two messages of this last week so this is a yeah a continuation from last week but it progressed very nicely all in one day you know my mate Chris hey oh Chris Hope ah, Brizzy is so small oh yes Hopi he told me you guys hooked up a year ago so there's nothing going on with you guys anymore what that isn't used to me I never hooked up with Chris so definitely nothing going on maybe you're confused me with someone else did he take my he did take my cousin on a date how was your weekend get up to anything fun I had a massive one in Sydney for a few days for a conference oh no it's definitely Hopi I showed him your pics and he got a bit weird and said you guys hooked up like a year ago how do you know him weekend was good just relaxed and caught up with friends Sydney is so good last year I was there I won 50 grand at the pokies that is so hilarious he's my neighbour he lives about six doors down from me on the same street I started dating in December I'm good friends with his roommate Marion and go out with her most weekends he's very confused anyways that is so random and entertaining sounds like a fun weekend I got back to Brizzy Thursday last week so I had one night in Brizzy went up to sunny goes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah what do you do Matt I'm in change management and a very dull conference today oh wait so you actually didn't hook up with Hopi well that is so weird he was oddly specific about how you guys hooked up I might not mention it to him anymore he might get embarrassed oh yeah he's spoken about Marion too oh wow small world hey I would suggest we all go out together but I'm a bit worried about Hopi now you sure you haven't I wouldn't say anything to anyone I work for Crocs Australia the shoe company head of marketing for the team oh my god oh my god that is so strange you know definitely never what was the story I hope it was interesting at least so weird I have even had chats about with him about the fact that he's tasting women is a bit off we're completely friends nothing else and as I said I started dating in December was with no one before then this is seriously weird was it a big nothing type of thing yeah would be seriously weird I wonder why he made that up when he knew we'd match super weird oh marketing fun blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I texted him and he called straight away he seemed pretty certain he said you guys definitely hooked up and that we that you got really jealous when he dated your cousin or something he said you've done this before where you deny it I don't really want to get in the middle of anything and it doesn't seem like Chris really wants me talking to you seem like a great girl but yeah there's just getting a bit weird he said you deny it because you were with someone else but yeah I don't want to be the middle man for this kind of drama yeah fair enough this is super weird I'll be having a chat to Chris about spreading bullshit you know I wouldn't have judged you if you've been just been honest I've made plenty of mistakes in my relationship and even Chris said it was just a one-time thing with you so I wouldn't have cared oh my god just one time things are fine just not with my with Chris my damn neighbor Chris can be weird but this is next level marketing is one of his best friends there's no way I'd make things so damn awkward for a nine of wild sex with Chris whoa okay bell just kind of hard to believe that Chris would just make this stuff up he was very detailed he even made the sounds that you guys were making during six and said you guys were sucking each other's tongues oh god I've cheated in the past too would never again but I've done it too poor Chris you're an evil friend oh no I'm just kidding around I don't even know Chris hope anyway when you back from Sydney can't believe you fell for that should we hang out when you get back from Sydney she never replied dude that is fucking dark I freaked out I was like I didn't want her to go home and talk actually talk to her neighbor about that honestly think you should have that would have been imagine her at ruin saying I just spoke to Chris that would have been gold I just freaked out because I was like imagine if like somehow ruined their relationship oh dude she's got plenty of friends next time okay next time I don't know she definitely would have after I've been like look at these psychos just fucking I had so much about this just good to the end just admit that this manipulative long spear where he says like the most graphic detail shit and then he's like anyway how should he instantly change like it's nothing just completely tricked her they sucked oh my god when she thinks of your face that's who she think you she thinks you are oh my god dude imagine if you ended up with her do you have a quick picture so I know what to block when someone comes out dude or to defend yourself she's gonna swing especially Chris hope he's out there he's gonna come and find you oh yeah Chris hope oh man that was one of the best ones yeah you were right he's an upcoming UFC fighter yeah massive knockout power normal boring name is always a UFC fighter yeah too alright he's another one manipulate me to your liking it's the cleavage isn't it I want to pack up my things and build a shelter on your tits I want to worship them every day and protect them from evil I want to suck on your breasts until you start lactating then I want you to sustain me whoa sustain well when you say it like that of course I've emailed my real estate telling them I'm breaking my lease when can I move into your tits yesterday are you working tonight I need to see your tits you'll just have to join the queue of men that wish to see them for fuck's sake how long is it pretty long however you can jump the queue depending on length and girth girth isn't an issue length could use some work kinda looks like a tennis ball that doesn't sound fun poor thing trust me it's still a great time how do you know for certain or are these girls lying I can tell they aren't lying because they say it's so intense that they don't want to fuck ever again pretty confident and she hasn't replied was she hot sustain me imagine like hearing that like a potential partner instead of working you have to treat them like a baby and just let them breastfeed on your tit all day that's the man let me just go to a quick bong break bong the bong the bong the bong quick bong break and we'll be back with P.O. Box and fucking tales of Bethlehem tales of Bethlehem everyone have you ever grossed am around I'm trying to think of the times I've really grossed more now one of the best times was when we were driving she was driving and I had a huge fart that made it out like I was under attack it was like getting up the door of the car like spread it out she was in shock for like half an hour she had to like process it I don't know what to do about that like that was it shocked and it was way early on it was like a month in oh man yeah grossing out girlfriend is fun guys send us voicemails I want to hear some stories from you boys times you've grossed out your girlfriend and we'll play them on the fucking potty next week send them to Marty, Michael fully actual just a voice memo of you explaining the story of how the time you grossed your girlfriend out and we'll play a few next week because fuck me that's good shit can't I I'm trying to think of times I've grossed mine out she's kind of hard to gross out now fighting is nothing to her I can do a squirty two meters away from her and she doesn't even react anymore she won't even look up what if it reeks what if it's that but even that is like living with Bosley nothing can compare to him so mine are always like you know whatever so yeah it's nothing shit related I've never really vomited pissed on her oh fuck with oh yeah no so we both got food poisoning eating fish and chips and I'll tell a quick version but yeah basically I woke I was feeling pretty shit and woke about one in the morning when it started vomiting into the toilet but I started like like started like getting diarrhea as well at the same time so like the force of pushing vomit out starting making me shit as well wow both ends yeah so it's coming out both ends are you on all fours yeah oh I was struggling and she's obviously vomiting we took turns and mine so you dirtyed the floor I panicked because I could feel myself shitting and I fucking pulled my hand out and grabbed one of her towels so I've shat on her towel which like a trooper she was like yeah yeah it's all good but I grossed her out taking it to the spare room and chucking it into what I thought was like a laundry basket I don't know why the towel with shit all over it yeah but I was delirious and I was like thinking I'm putting it in the laundry basket but I think it was her fresh laundry I put it I put it there and she never laid that down for me oh wow it was hot she just threw it into the coffin oh dude imagine but yeah that was a bad one and that was embarrassing all of a sudden the next day when she figured out that the shit towel was like in there did you not put this like in the laundry I was like yeah put it in the basket fresh clothes if we're getting into like I guess this is sort of I guess tales of Bethlehem segment but shit stories you reminded me of a time you know when you're so drunk and then all of a sudden you just come back to it or you're so fucked up we're not alcoholics Michael I remember like I just came back into the world and I had mum just clicking in my face oh yeah Michael and I just go whoa what's up mum points you fucked me there's shit everywhere and I always turn around and look at the bathroom and I've just like a kid played shit under the walls and I look at my hands and I'm just covered in shit oh my god you Ozzy Oz born to the fucking your room yeah yeah well this is the bathroom and my Olma and Olpa my grandparents were there staying at the time why were you drunk and what did you say you're like oh Marty did it Marty did it this is the knee-joke reaction of fucking blame me did you get in trouble no I went to my room and Marty had left because he couldn't sleep and I walked home from Michael's all the way to Michael's because I couldn't sleep for some reason thank god I did otherwise I might have fucking copped the blame for him and that was man it was hard to come back from that why do you shit everywhere this is my vision okay this is my theory I think what happened was I shat throughout the night in my pants what to make the boys laugh maybe I had diarrhea I was just real paralytic like I got fucked up so I went to the toilet realizing I'd shat my undies or I'd rush to the toilet I'm rushing to the toilet didn't make it in time couldn't pull my undies down in time got shit in my undies then as I realized I stood up pulled my pants down shit's gone all over the floor I've slipped around a bit I've slipped in my shit a bit I've got shit on my hands and then somehow I've just sort of gone all over the bathroom I did that when I was like 3 or 4 I know that's what I mean and I was like how old were you I'm gonna say 18, 19 oh my god kids back then I'm still a teenager parents tell that story about their 4 year olds but that was rough mum it was weird that was only alcohol you think there'd be some other drugs involved but anyway these are all anyway James you have that what are we calling this tales of Beth and we'll have to make a jingle for it well this was again when we were like probably like 20, 21 or so back in the heyday I just love the 2 stories there's 2 of them of dropping Luke home fuck me he used to get this this last opportunity when we'd drive him home or whoever was driving home we'd just drop him there he had this last opportunity to make us all laugh so it would always be something and Luke's go to to make us all laugh is just to destroy things so like the first one and the less funny one I reckon was he just he was like turned back to us and he was like he asked him like should I break my fence and we're all like parents out he was like do it he was like staggers over his fence and he started ripping palings off his fence like one after the other and then just goes inside and those fence palings were gone for years they were all ripped out for years he changed his house by far the best one and fuck me it's just one of the best things I've ever seen we dropped him home and he was like walking towards his house and his house had like a power line out the front that led to led all the way to the front of his house and from this power line there was this huge like palm leaf hanging and you know like palm leaves get that you at the top to that what stuck on there to Luke saw it and like I guess it's another opportunity to make us giggle just leapt and grabbed on his palm leaf and just pulled down as hard as he could on this power line and we were like a bit panic thinking fuck you get electrocuted or something but something way better happened the power line was connected to the front of the house and I said and he just ripped the whole front awning off his fence like two stories up so it's like a two story house on the second story it just gets ripped out of the wall like this massive fucking bitter house just gets ripped out and slams into his front yard and then like fucking 10 seconds later his dad comes running outside at like 3.30 a.m. but like he had he's like surely Luke didn't just do that he couldn't do that because Luke's like 20 meters away standing with us we're pissing ourselves laughing and Luke's just in shock looking at his house holy fuck so his dad was like oh Luke didn't do that Luke can't possibly do that so they still to this day just think that it was a coincidence that Luke rocked up home and fucking a chunk of their house got ripped out of the wall oh man Phil I don't think they know still god we should get Luke on to call his dad one day oh and confess to no oh that'd be brilliant that was fucked because it ripped a huge big house out of the house just landed in the front yard and then they had possums and shit getting through that hole in the house all sorts of issues and Luke's dad Luke said his dad one night he's got sighed his possum just ran up to it and grabbed it just by the scruff of the neck and just threw it outside can you imagine watching that he caused his house to have cries of possums he had a beehive in the walls if he's there really I don't know that his new Luke and his family it's even funnier cause they're all just such like chilled Aussie fucking family oh man they got a beehive really oh my god such a personality Luke likes to just destroy it there's a little show at the end of a night man it was good so funny cause it's his parents house it's not even his house they're doing him a favour with letting him stay there still it's ultimate it's ultimate it's so rude that's so rude anyway that was tales of Bethlehem boys oh well done also we've seen a lot of the comments people annoyed that the Q&A out of all the segments that we've cut the Q&A is sorely missed so fuck it let's do it fortnightly then guys we'll do it fortnightly we'll answer 5 questions comment your questions on the mighty Michael Fully actual YouTube channel and we'll answer the most liked questions first like we always have done we'll do it every fucking 2 weeks and the black book look we're gonna have a crack I'll write them every now and then but if we keep getting shit we might I was thinking we should just put our uncensored podcast on the website so people don't even need to sign up or anything they can just watch it somewhere cause fuck making people pay for that we'll just fucking put it somewhere for free but work in progress I'm just speaking on the fly here but don't worry we don't want to have to cut all the good shit that makes this podcast what it is so we won't it's a focaleer alright let's move on PO Box so we don't have a jingle for that the fuck improvise one Michael quick and 3 2 1 Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and the POO Box that's all I got sorry fuck hell man I said POO Box but I had to say over the syllable there okay this one looks like it's from you know who okay guys if you want to send us shit on the PO Box it's PO Box tag and 4018 Queensland Australia we have everything live okay and we're after hair if you've got pubic hair send it in before you do keep an eye out for one that's addressed to me it's but you guys aren't allowed to see it so just keep an eye out for that whatever happens happens Matt Brown Postman Pat and it oh yuck we got another one oh another used condom why is that happening now oh my god that was close dude that's been in someone you can sperm floating in the air now oh I don't want to breathe in too much Merley in the morning he likes to get up early put in your mouth Matt put it in your mouth put it put it that's the level you get $650 if you do it shut up 3 2 1 all the way in there's definitely something in there don't hold it up this is already too graphic I don't want to look at that up close it's just a napkin oh yeah you're touching it that's been on someone and in someone early in the morning he likes to get up early it is in the morning and that's our PO box guys I need to wash my hand is there anymore yeah there's quite a few more isn't there look at that it's just hair this one oh hang on this looks like fake hair it's still hair is hair it's hair bro look at that hair oh wow we are going to glue all of his hair on Matt's head it looks like it's from a young child from Korea so keep it coming that looks fake but still man this segment is so f*** oh hang on hair and condoms I missed that that's it that's the gargle that was an okay one find your thing what the f*** is that this looks like a it could be anything Michael's opening an envelope currently is that a photo it's a sticker it's a f***ing sticker it's started someone's a lucky boy I guess look at that that's cool hold that up to the f***ing camera easily distracted by recycling I believe this is from Matthew Brown that is beautiful take a f***ing bow who are you saying that I actually had a sticker for this week but this will take it from there let's just quickly segue into Matt's f***ing f***ed sticker s*** should we get a quick package we haven't had a package while he's talking we can open that I know what that one is that is f***ing brilliant the speed at which that came thank you so much who is that from anyone was it Julian? no I know who it was he's sitting out in the f***ing room oh that's right Luke Allen sent that that is beautiful very good Luke around mates so these guys are a mental health group so this is from this guy started a round mates f***ing a bit of a read here boys my name is Scott Vesti and I'm the founder of around mates I grew up in a small country town of Mothora which is situated between Ijeika and Denikon men and women across Australia need to know that they are not alone and they need mates out there that want to listen and want to help everyone's story is different but no less important we are not alone the hardest step is the first step in coming along to an around mates incorporated barbecue catch up could be the first step in getting that help that you need please don't think of us of the barbecues as counselling sessions they are just get together so you can come along enjoy sausage or hamburger or both as soft drink and some conversation with people that have been through similar things you can talk about anything everything or nothing I would love to do this on a full-time basis and take it Australia wide but take serious funding and exposure thank you guys thank you so much again guys I hope you like the t-shirts and keep doing what you do alright cheers Scottie well there you go very important message guys and if you are f***ing feeling a bit s*** about everything have a look at around mates incorporated because everyone does need a mate hold the shirts up you sent some shirts through so Matt you don't have to do your laundry for another day and we got some beer stubbies everyone needs some bands and some pens alright boys there you go thank you very much Scottie thank you so much dude alright Matt how are you are you going to look that up around mates Michael's hurt himself badly what the f***ing tooth Michael stop you trying to hurt my knee because yours hurts does that make you want a beer a little bit yeah me too what are the balls little squishy stress balls oh my god boys get that out of my face oh no someone has sent it a massive f***ing jumbo pack a massive variety jumbo pack oh my lord oh we got f***ing inside the jumbo pack it's nothing there's a f***ing doll wrapped up jesus that's terrifying oh my god dude it's gonna be like it's a Matt Brown girlfriend and there's a dildo here is that a girlfriend for Matt Brown oh this is a boyfriend for Matt Brown oh there's a note there's a note on the inside there this is kind of creepy dude it's like Annabelle's daughter I like it thank you for your podcast this lovely lady wants to join the hunt for Bachelor Brown wow you have a girlfriend look there's a stand here that connects to oh I thought she's got a name no way it's called Judy Brown well it says Judy Judy Brown one day man very good we need that oh man that's creepy alright guys let's move along is that all we've just got to see what this dick is have you got those scissors I'm just gonna put this crazy scary bit right there oh man alright guys final segment the prank haul we'll save it for next week alright guys instead of the prank haul I'm just not in a prank haul mood so we're just going to do a lying to Lucky segment instead and Michael is going to take over it would be actually legit if James because he'd believe it because James can do a really stern voice James can act dude okay this is going to work I think so basically Lucky thinks that explain the lie Lucky I spoke to him earlier today about a transaction that was made to his account which was I had no app threads I had ran a comment competition on there whichever comment got the most likes wins 500 bucks on threads you can't you have to manually count the likes on fucking comments so it took me ages and I fucked up and I thought Lucky won so I sent Lucky the 500 it turns out someone else won so I had to contact Lucky again and be like can you send that money back please he was like oh yeah all good all good so we did send it back then we paid the other person we're going to now tell Lucky that our account and I said that that 500 bucks never came back hey dude how are you good how are you good man hey I'm sorry to call you so late it's a bit of a fucking random one we've been dealing with all these finance shit with our account is the last two days and they're trying to keep sending us these huge PDF documents with all of these payments that are missing and stuff so we're just trying to work out where all of our money is for these mistransactions but anyway Michael told me called you earlier about the I had three minutes call but he was on the phone in Jackson's so I think that was going did he tell you about the remember that giveaway that dumb giveaway thing we did on threads about the top comment or whatever and we and we sent you 500 bucks or something yeah I sent it back as hold Marty was so weird if I won yeah no well that's that's the weird part though because our accountants come back because on I like wrote on the on the receipt that I sent back to her today like that $500 was sent back and she looked and she was like no it hasn't been sent back and so it's like now we're like in this awkward position where there's like this $500 randomly around I'm looking at it are you sure you sent it back to the right account though it's such an annoying thing that have to bug you about this but we've done all because of these giveaways on the website there's like tax fucking issues right now and it's a bit of a pain in the arse but I'm just sick of fucking emails from her yeah if you could screenshot it and send it send it back to me that'd be really good you're being lied to lucky you idiot you already said that we know you did send it back that day lucky send another $500 if I convinced him to send us another $500 enjoy this why are you doing this sorry lucky sorry lucky we'll send you the $500 again send it back we miss you dude see you dude bye guys that's our friend Colin everyone I hope you like the podcast next week all right we're the best I can't that's knees hurts that's knees sore isn't it knees we've got all the answers we're the best should we end on a jingle dance nah yeah you have all the questions and we have all the answers and we've got lots of dances for you oh my god anyway bye