 Hey, we have a guy who's written a question here question from Michael Question dating four months. I tell her feelings and say these things I'm open my heart and intentions, but she doesn't communicate feelings to me says sex shows sex shows her feelings How long do I persevere? Oh? So folks, I'm so happy to see a man in our group today and Share exactly what we've just been what we've talked about emotional safety Okay, and here's well Let me read back track Most likely the reason why she isn't opening up is she doesn't feel emotionally safe Why doesn't she even feel emotionally safe? Most likely she's had childhood wounds or traumas or adult traumas that have caused negative patterns or limiting beliefs in her life And she hasn't healed from those childhood wounds of traumas or adult traumas. That's number one number two She might have attracted you in her life because you are most likely and I'm not suggesting this is the case You are most likely an anxious Love a tatcher and she's most likely an avoidant love a tatcher if you're not familiar with the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller I highly recommend checking out this book which helps you understand love attachment style Okay, love attachment style. This will definitely help you Michael in addition what you might also represent You might be familiar to her as if you were one of her parents and if you're not familiar with the Amago I highly recommend reading the book getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks Helen Hunt By the way, all the books I recommend are listed below This this is where we oftentimes choose people based on our familiar familial familial family origin And so maybe so coming back to your question is how long do you persevere? look it I'm a big believer of emotional intimacy if you're not familiar I've been talking about this book a lot lately emotional intimacy by Robert masters, okay I would suggest buying two copies of this book and saying hey, let's talk about this together or As I always talk about the book eight dates to determine if you guys are really a compatible fit with one another because rather than trying to by the way, you know I'm gonna come back to my I I've shared this once before When I met my now ex-wife, um, you know, we got along well, but you know, I married her because You know, it was programming You know, I went to I was told to go to college get a job meet a gal get married buy a house start a family I did programming However, we were complete. We were quite a bit misaligned. We were misaligned And I used to just bury my head in the sand thinking, you know somehow magic ferried us will change This narrative and 12 years later We got divorced, okay Because magic fairy dust doesn't change the narrative. What changes the narrative is Communicating with one another through radical honesty and what you find oftentimes Is that you're not compatible with one another, but it's better to find that out earlier rather than later So Michael this isn't about persevering. This is about leaning in This isn't about leaning back This is about leaning in and being radically honest with her because it is through radical honesty Can we even have a chance at emotional safety with one another? And it is through emotional safety that she will open up on an emotional level and she may not be capable of it She might need to do a lot of healing to get there and you may not be It may not be your job to be sitting in the wings while she does that This is why I highly recommend everybody reading the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process to heal childhood wounds and traumas Because most likely what you're experiencing is an avoidant personality or someone who's been deeply wounded and has not healed Most likely i'm not saying that's an absolute Don't persevere lean in have these conversations then see what's up And by the way, I haven't talked about this book in a while, but I highly recommend Well here Ah, I'm going to drop all these books Two other books for you Michael How to build trust in a relationship and couples communication. These are thin books Okay, pause the video later come back and write these down. This will help you with the conversation because guess what? It is only through Healthy communication active listening. Can you actually build a relationship together this? Perseverance or leaning back or waiting for magic fairy desks isn't going to help your relationship Lean into radical honesty and that's my invitation for you Michael. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Thank you so much