 We are committed to each other and we also date other women in hopes of finding somebody to be in our committed relationship with us. If you meet someone that's better than me, I hope you take that opportunity because I'll be very disappointed. You did what? So a billionaire asked you to have this amazing life to travel all over the world and you said no because you want to hang out with me. I don't have no respect for you. I think some misconceptions of our commitment type is that we feel trapped or that we feel like we want other people but I have no desire for other people. It was not easy working through what some of these people had to say because some of these people were my own family members, my mom being a devout Christian and I do that because mama come on girl. This video is sponsored by Squarespace. From websites and online stores to marketing tools and analytics, Squarespace is an all in one platform to build a fire online presence and run your online business. Squarespace is where Shan hosts and designs her websites, including your personal site and the game of Desire.com. Go to Squarespace.com slash Shanbooty to start playing around for free and when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash Shanbooty to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hey there, lovers and friends. Has anyone ever asked you before what level of commitment brings out the best in you or how do you like to connect romantically? Well, today we're going to answer those questions by popular demand by going over the 10 different results for my most taken quiz, the commitment quiz. And we're going to find out if currently you are best suited as a casual dator, a serial non-committed dator, a traditional monogamist, a modern monogamist, monogamish, best suited for a free relationship, a moonlighting relationship, an open relationship, polyamory or asexuality. In addition to breaking down all of these commitment styles, I'm also going to be introducing you to people who currently get down with them. Hi, I'm Sakai Jinn. I'm originally from the Bay Area living in the DC area and I am an open relationship commitment style, but I am in a relationship with a traditional monogamist. Hi, my name is Ellie. I'm originally from Chicago, but I've been living in Guadalajara, Mexico for about a year now. And I am a serial non-committed dator. My name is Allie. What's good? I am Australian. And I am Chico, also known as Jimmy, and I'm from Dominican Republic. And we are in a free relationship. That's what we got from the commitment style quiz. Both of us got that, actually. Very similar answers. So that's a good sign. Traditionally monogamist, we don't really have any interest or desire to partake in anything that's polyamorous or anything beyond monogamy. Hi, my name is Yane. I'm from Chenolad and Tobago under my commitment style is modern monogamist. For me, it's very important for me to maintain my integrity, my personal freedom, the decisions that I know in my heart are best for me. If I'm ever in a space where us being together is going to compromise that, then we're going to have an issue. I'm Brian and I'm in a monogamous, open relationship, i.e. I don't desire to have sex with others, but I should be free to engage with others. All right, so before we go any further, if you have yet to take the commitment quiz, now will be a good time to do that because it will make the rest of the video so much more applicable to you. If you already know your result, go ahead and write it in the comment section below. And did you know that this quiz, along with all of my quizzes, are hosted on my Squarespace website? So right now, open up a second tab, go to thegameofdesire.com slash commitment, do the quiz. And while you're doing that, I want to tell you more about Squarespace, how I utilize it to share my ideas and how you can use it to power your next big idea. All right, so you all know Squarespace has stunning templates so you can design your dream site. But here's some things you might not know about. Simultaneous posting, auto post your content to Twitter, Facebook, or Tumblr. Traffic overview, gain insights into the top traffic sources, products, device types, browsers, and operating systems. Basically, Squarespace gives you in-depth analytics so you know where to focus your marketing at. Subscriptions, easily sell subscriptions to products and services on a weekly or monthly basis to generate recurring revenue and build customer loyalty. Email campaigns, stand out in any inbox with Squarespace email campaigns. Site management, Squarespace blog lets you manage blog comments and entries on the go. I mean, if you listen this far, go check it out for yourself at Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash Shambudi to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Welcome back. And without further ado, let's dive into things starting with casual dating. So I read this study that said that millennials move an average of 11 times in their life and will only keep jobs for about four years. Life is not as stable, predictable, and as linear as it was for a parent's generation. And a lot of people need their relationships to go with the flow in the same way. So as a casual dater, what's attractive to you is getting to connect with cool people without any commitment or expectation. Now, you might currently want to do this because you travel a lot. Two, you're going through a life transition and need a lot of flexibility. Three, your current attachment style is avoidant because romantic relationships tend to conflict with your larger goals. Or four, you may not believe that you can fulfill others or that at this time others have what it takes to truly fulfill you. Now, people who are interested in dating those who are casual daters, what you need to understand is what they're offering you in the moment is what they're offering you, period. Serial non-committed daters, you love the idea of what relationships represent. Friendship, frequent communication, shared history, shared beds, and some level of partnership. However, you don't like the expectations and commitment that come with the title. Now, this is different from casual daters as you do want your partner, Zuh, to rely on you to some extent, but not in the full way that you perceive a committed relationship to be. In short, serial non-committed daters are looking for medium levels of commitment without high levels of accountability. And in order to exist in this sweet spot, you must communicate incessantly since you're giving people the relationship experience without some of the formalities and of course, the title. Now, there's something beautiful about this because you do prioritize relationships in many meaningful ways, just not necessarily the traditional ways. So as long as you can have that status chat a lot, you'll be good. I am not in a place in my life right now where I can provide the 100% commitment that a monogamous relationship requires, you know, is built upon. At the same time, I deeply value the connections that you can make, the unique connections that you can make through emotional intimacy with another person. I've found recently that I'm in a point of my life right now where I'm learning so much about myself. One of the best ways that I've found to do that has been through making deep emotional connections with other people. Traditional monogamy. I take thee to be my mate, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. I pledge thee my faith and I pledge thee myself to you. You might recognize that as the Protestant vows that are set at many, many weddings, but with a divorce rate for first-time marriages, around 50% in North America and 75% for second-time marriages, it's kind of clear that most people don't really mean them. But you do. As a traditionally monogamous person, you believe not in one person at a time, but one person for life. Once you have decided to commit to someone, you will do everything in your power to stay the course with them. In short, you are the ride or die that people speak about. And when you do find a partner that you see longevity with, it is extremely crucial to communicate to them just how seriously you take commitment to ensure they are all in with you as you intend to be all in with them. I think some misconceptions of our commitment type is that we feel trapped or that we feel like we want other people, but I have no desire for other people. Or that a traditional monogamous relationship could be considered limiting or holding you back. But personally, I've never really felt that way. I've been happy ever since I've been with Priscilla and I will be happy until we die. Modern monogamy. Monogamy used to be one person for life. Today, it is one person at a time, Esther Perrell. As a modern monogamous, aka a serial monogamous, your values are a mishmash of the old and the new, meaning you do believe in commitment, fidelity, and trying to go through the long haul with one other individual. However, you also believe in letting go of relationships that you don't think are serving you, even if that does mean divorce. But as long as you choose to be in, you are all in. Modern monogamy is by far the most popular relationship structure that North Americans choose to adopt, which is a beautiful thing on one end, but on the other end, make sure you are asking people those questions at the beginning of relationships, not just assuming that they love the way that you love. I'm in a partnership right now, and my preference is obviously that we grow together because we are together and we do experience this real deep and passionate love with each other, but you will either grow together or you could grow apart. I think that that is what keeps a lot of people stuck, thinking that the one is one person that you have to hold on to for the rest of your life. Monogamish. All right, so for all intents and purposes, this is actually a monogamist couple. However, the lines around flirting are a little bit more open, even though they are still sexually and romantically exclusive to each other. So in a monogamish relationship, it's an acknowledgement that your partner may not only have eyes for you because you probably don't only have eyes for your partner. As a result, things like going to strip clubs, going out in the town separately, flirting via social media, or even just like flirting in public might be okay, but engaging with somebody else beyond that flirting is definitely not okay. Monogamish also means dancing the line of sexual and emotional exclusivity. Now, this is not a bad thing because after all, dancing is fun, but it does mean you have to be very clear with your partner about where the boundaries are and you must be comfortable talking about it often. Yes, I am in a committed relationship. I love the man that I am with and have been for years, but I do like talking to others of the opposite sex and I do enjoy their... Flirting. Flirting. And not only that, when you meet someone or something that attracts you, it improves your energy, your hormones are released, your endorphins are released, and you feel better by yourself and you feel, you know, you feel elated. So I like that feeling of being attracted to someone. Moonlighters. Now, a moonlighter is in essence a swinger, but I decided to update the term since I felt a lot of people didn't identify with being swingers, but if you hear the definition, you probably know a few swingers yourself. Now, moonlighters are people who do want to engage in a traditional monogamous relationship by and large, but they have a desire for extracurricular hobbies within the relationship that are not so traditional. In short, they want to engage in sex play with others and most of the time this sex play is engaged with as a couple. So a moonlighting couple might engage in threesomes, they may go to sex resorts, they may have some group play, they may do swapping, or they may include sex workers in their sexual repertoire. Now for moonlighting couples, what is enticing to them is not a new emotional connection, it is strictly a new sexual experience. So they really strongly compartmentalize sex and feelings. And a lot of the times for moonlighters, their desire to engage with others has nothing to do with the dissatisfaction of the core relationship, but instead trying to invite more satisfaction into the relationship. Now, if you identify with being a moonlighter and you know for you that sexual monogamy is not of interest, especially over long periods of time, it is important to disclose that to partners pretty early on because for some people, it's a dream come true and for others, it's a nightmare and you won't know until you tell them. So try and tell them as soon as possible. I do believe in threesomes, I believe in exploring with other people because I feel as though we are not just put on this earth to just be with one person and one person only. Free relationships. You, my dear, are DTF. And by that, I don't necessarily mean down to what I really mean is down to figure things out with your partner. In a free relationship, think to start out as casual dating, switch to modern monogamy, go into moonlighting, go into open relationships and back to modern monogamy. In short, you are not committing to a relationship structure. You are committing to figure out what works best for the people involved at any given time. In order for this relationship to thrive, you must be a professional at communication and self-discipline. By saying yes to a free relationship, you are saying yes to circumstances and arrangements that you may not have been in before. And since you haven't placed any restrictions on your partners, there's a high probability this is going to happen. The only thing that is constant in this world is change. And as someone in a free relationship, this is not just your reality, it's your mantra. A lot of people think like, oh, you're in a free relationship, you, so I guess you don't get jealous if your partner is with someone and that's not necessarily the case. Like, you know, I might get jealous if I see some dude trying to approach, you know, you in some type of way. But where the free aspect comes into that is that I give you the power to decide how you handle that. I might voice out beforehand if the opportunity comes or afterwards of course, how I felt about what transpired, but it always falls on you in those situations to decide how you handle it. But I've also have come to learn to be honest about how I feel and something I used to struggle with before was being honest when I was uncomfortable with something. So now we've kind of come to the point where like, you can dance with dudes if you want, but I don't want to be there now. Open relationships. In an open relationship, you can have experiences outside of your main relationship as long as you keep the main relationship as the first priority. Now relationships that are open can be open to sexual experiences. They can be open to having full on relationships with others, romantic connections, et cetera. You and those involved get to negotiate what the boundaries are and everyone involved needs to know that. It's about deciding how you wanna honor your primary relationship and then going out and exploring what feels healthy between you and others from there. Open relationships are different from moonlighting in a sense that you aren't necessarily engaging in all connections as a couple and it's different than polyamory because there are still some boundaries in place as to how much intimacy you can share with your secondary partners. I don't want to leave this earth unfulfilled. And I don't wanna leave this earth not happy with how I chose to live my life. And I have met people in this lifetime where I have been instantly attracted to in whatever way, whether it's mentally, physically, whatever but because I'm in a relationship I have to keep my head straight. I really have desires to connect and to meet and I truly feel like there are several people that I'm supposed to come across in this lifetime but also I truly believe in the love and the partnership of one person. Polyamory, poly, many, amore, love. In short, it means many loves. A polyamorous person is open to having multiple romantic connections with other people and of course they invite their partners to do the same. There is one rule in polyamory and that is informed consent. A lot of people make comments like polyamory is giving permission to cheat but we have to remind ourselves that cheating is when people betray the structure that people have agreed upon but if you agree that love does not have any structure then it gets to be a beautiful fluid expression of how you may personally want to love. So a polyamorous person does not believe in a starvation model of love meaning if they give their love to one person they don't have enough to give to someone else. Polyamory is by and large a lifestyle and there's a lot of incredible communities that are centered on this and it also is a spectrum. If you are interested in learning more I will link some resources in the info box below. All people in the relationship are equal so it's not just him having the benefits or me having the benefits or the other person having the benefits it's everybody benefiting from each other. People see the concept like you said a man with two women they all automatically think of patriarchy and being chauvinistic and controlling and manipulating or pimp energy and like oh he's the man because he has two women. Let me put y'all in on a little secret. Tricia likes women, she likes men. I think it's a win for her or them. And overall we think it's a win for all of us cause I like to see her happy with another woman she likes to see me happy with another woman and we like to be and see each other happy all together. Asexuality, now asexuality is a brand new addition to the quiz results as I did want to know that there are individuals who experience drive intimacy and romantic feelings in very different ways than others. An asexual individual is somebody who does not have a lot of drive to sexually connect with others and in some cases doesn't have a drive to romantically connect with others. There are asexuals who do wanna be in romantic relationships but may not want sex to be a part of it and there are people who just find joy in friendships and may not see a need to have romantic connections. Asexuality is a spectrum I'm still learning about it and if you wanna learn with me I'll put some notes in the info box below. I don't really get hurt when people say hey I really like you but I don't wanna continue this because I can't have sex because to me that's just like cool thank you so much for expressing where you're at and taking care of your own needs and I'd rather be around people who want to be around me for more than just sex. All right so I have definitely done more than my fair share of talking. It is your turn now in the comment section below let me know what is your current commitment style. Also let's brainstorm how do you think we can go about having these discussions with new people that we meet or within existing relationships.