 Hey, hey there friends How's it going? My name is Kevin and today we are being a human All right today, we're playing human simulator by the looks of it It's gonna be pretty tough because I have no idea how to be a human I stay in my house talking to my webcam all day. I don't know how I would to be honest Oh my god, I want that little bobblehead so bad. This game has already impressed me Oh my god, his family look at that child Jesus Christ this genetic line needs to end Okay, my work experience is a pet food tester chow-chow-chow. Oh, he's got the same experience that I do Oh my god, his name is you man. What a great name his parents for trolls. Oh my god, what's wrong with his head? He's already nervous. Maybe he's a bobblehead himself Judging off the employees in a month back there. I should be a shoe in the fact. I think I was the third one Oh, oh, I thought I just killed him thought I broke his neck. This is raising suspicion for some reason Sorry, I was just seeing was there someone behind me. I'm nodding. Okay, great So I interact by not fantastic Your phone's ringing you get that okay. No apparently not. I'm suspicious of the other guy I don't think he's human. Why don't you start by telling me some of your strengths? Well, I've already showed you this I don't know what else I could need. Where do you see yourself? Oh, can I look at? Oh, no No, I wanted to look at the employee of the month. What about the communist building out there? Oh god No, no, hold on and fix my head. Okay on the beach look at the beach early retirement You have five years. I should be good to go. It's your least favorite aspect of the industry Can I look at him wait? Hold on hold on hold on. Oh my god. What's wrong with oh Jesus Christ? Okay, look to the window. Yes, the communism building look okay. Look at this whatever anything just answer the man He's been waiting. He's really thinking this is a head scratcher. Okay great the paper work great perfect I mean this seems like a desk job So that's probably a bad answer but any answer is better than no answer if you were in my position Which of these candidates would you select to work at a company? No? I don't want to pick any of those pick the radio does that answer your question Are you able to keep a level head? No, frankly? I can't my head is all over the place I'm gonna carry you drive. Oh, hold the calendar point to the calendar. I drive a calendar car Are you prepared to work a 70 hour week? Yes, of course doesn't matter the hours It's gonna be way easier than being a youtuber. I have to play games for a living. It's awful. Yes. I got hired I can see why I seem like an outstanding employee Jesus Christ. This is what he doesn't he's happy Oh Yes, and I love humans mug. I have the same one. All right great a crane operator That seems like a perfect job for a guy who can't even control his head not a minus hands. Oh my god His head is so bouncy. He's sitting there as well. His hands are feckin solid. They're not moving But his head is wobbly is I don't know what it looks like Jell-O. Of course. They have me on camera Of course, this seems like a bad idea Surprisingly a lot easier to control than my head. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no Okay. All right. Well feckin It's been a rough first day. We lost some cargo. Okay first things first. There is an important crate down in the off-loading Oh shit, I was even looking all my head is spinning after that. How do I swat my head? Don't look at me like that That's normal apparently. Can you see the crate with a large white cross? We may have lost it in the kerfuffle. I don't see it anywhere. All right, we just have to find it It's got to be in here somewhere Okay, it might have been in there somewhere. I like how the camera is tracking my head spinning I don't think this job is for me. I'm just gonna let them find out. I'm not human honestly This isn't even that suspicious like if I did a whole video like this I don't think anyone would even notice You're too suspicious and I've been found out what so they exiled me on a container. Oh, no. Oh, no Okay, just I'm too high. I can't knock anything. Oh, don't look at me like that. He's judging me. Okay. Good I've got an under control Gotta exercise that arm. Okay. Now I see the crate there we go We can get a Switzerland's crate out of here. Let's go I'll use the shadows to judge where it is and this should be easy. Oh, that's that's missing it like a lot I can't go any lower. What the heck? Oh, I'm supposed to nod. Okay great and then dislocate my head Oh, it's a common injury. No, no, no, don't lose don't lose the one will need first be careful with it We can't afford to lose it. I don't know trusting me with it is a good idea. Okay, I got it Okay, I got that but that's the easy brand now. I got to get it on the second Ship I almost got in a plane. I'm not good for this job. I don't even know what a ship is like motor skills aside I'm just stupid. Oh my god. Okay. I did at least I didn't have to put it on the ship that made it a lot easier The ship scared me. Oh wait now. We're gonna need the following craze moved off the ship. Jesus Christ Why do I ever talk? I should say okay. We need a black container stripes on the side I assume I can take any of them. All right there down easy No, no, no, no, no, no settle settle. That's the night shifts job to clean up. Oh god They have a lot of clean up to do it. Oh Jesus. Okay, raise it up first before I start getting out of here Wait, I'm supposed to say I see it first. Hold on. There we go. Wait, it's a touch screen. Okay. Let's try this Why does it have to be a touch screen? Oh my gosh, such a boomer. He doesn't know anything about technology Okay, I already have the first one on the hook. This should be fine. No lower it lower it Lower it. Oh, I hope that wasn't fragile. Come on Hugh. Hugh can do this flawless absolutely flawless All right, just let go of it. It can't be that fragile I feel like this happens to every single one of my amazon packages. This guy is the problem Does this have a communist logo on it? What am I transporting here? I'm sorry. What are we transporting here? Okay. Well, whatever it is. I broke. Well, no, we broke it a few Communism works Okay, the first truck should be here in a few seconds once it pulls up load the purple crate onto her boat Just lift the whole fucking truck. Come on. Let's go. I'm getting handy. Oh, oh no. Oh no All right, I'm getting handy at this It seems like I'm doing this on purpose, but I'm not I'm just really stupid. Oh god. There's exploding barrels there No, where are you going? Stop it. Is it there? Okay. Thank god That was so difficult to create now this truck and take another crate. Oh my god This is the worst first day ever I gotta remember to relax my hands once I've done something because I'm just holding the lever In the wrong area. No. No. No. Oh my god. I actually did it Carefully find a white crate with the shit deltino and sun's logo on the ship. Okay. No time like the present. Let's Let's try this The thing is I I'm really tempted to just dump him into the ocean so they'll be out of my way But at the same time, what if I dump one that I need? All right. Fuck it. We've plenty of these yellow ones Fuck off. Oh, I found a white one. I think it's like playing one of those claw machines in the arcade Oh, okay. All right. This is nothing like the claw machines. Oh, did I get one? Oh, no. Oh god damn it There goes one It's just leaving the map critical crate out of reach. No, no, no. Hold on. What's happening? The police are coming Oh, fuck off. Don't stand me out in a crate I don't feel like the punishment fits the crime here. It was an honest mistake Like fire me fair enough. I don't think you could banish me to the ocean I'm quitting my job. I'm getting a different one. Don't look at me like that. You had a pattern this too I hate when I get that look it reminds me of my parents They used to spin their heads like that as well and silently judge me. All right security guard, please wait locked Come on. Nuclear technician also locked. This is a joke. All right I can I can do this if I settle down and don't talk for once in my life I'm sure I can concentrate enough to do this Funny bouncy head. Oh, I'm too easily distracted. All right. There's a lot of cargo in the water, but I found it Don't ever say I don't work hard just because it's true. It doesn't mean that it's right. Oh I honestly did it so perfect. I picked them up one by one and threw them in the water and then at the very last hurdle I dump loads into the sea by accident a safety inspector is on the premises Well, look at the fucking ship that thing is ready to explode this container's on top of it Oh my god, look at them all should I just lift them up and throw them in the water before we do anything further the crane I'm sending you the security footage from the cameras cycle through and see if anyone looks like a dirty rat Can I lift him up? I'd be really happy if I could. All right. Who doesn't fit in How do you know that must be our guy, but he looks the exact same we all do I bet if all humans looked exactly like this guy, we'd still find a way to Separate each other and because problems will fight over something. I know you're new here It's your first day, but take him out. How the hell do I find him? Yes, he's handsome. I will take him out on a date. How the hell do I know which one it is? They're all wearing the exact same clothes the same hat. They look the same all equally handsome Should I just start crushing? I'm really afraid because that took me like 20 minutes to do this part again Okay, I got him. I killed someone else as well, but It's all right as long as he can't detail it in a safety report. I'm good It doesn't matter how many people I killed I would assume just one truck left to deal with just give me a second You okay, let's drop this is a roadblock and see what happens Probably a bad idea, but my curiosity gets the best of me. Okay, nothing Don't don't lose don't lose don't lose don't lose don't lose don't lose stop your head spinning Stop stop stop stop stop stop everything's fine. You see curiosity. Oh, no Please stop spinning brilliant. All right. He's fine with this. Thank god the safety inspector is dead People are running out in front of him. Okay. Yeah, that guy's dead. I can sympathize with him It's not funny getting hit by traffic. This is cool though. He can't stop It's like the the movie with the bus we can't stop. Um, I think it was called What was it? He had to go a certain speed and he couldn't go below the speed or he blow up I think it was called the bus that could never slow down If I keep stealing humor from the Simpsons, no one will know not a popular show I can't get over all those explosions It was like both hilarious and like oh shit. I I really cannot do this again The fuck sake he's taking him away. Okay. I have to be careful here Okay, that is not careful Okay, that's another one down. Maybe we do need a safety inspector. A lot of people are dying today Yes, okay. I don't think that actually was gonna land on it, but the game helped me out Thank you. Okay. I'll leave you there in case there's anything you want to do before finishing up No, no, I'm ending my shift. I'm done. I've caused enough damage for the day unless We only have one witness left who has seen what I've done might be a good idea to take him out And my guy kind of does look like hitman. He could moonlight his agent 47 There we go. He's done. He's done and then oh my god. He's definitely talking. What the hell happened to him All right, we'll frame that as an explosion. Uh the sea is calm this time of day All the containers in there. I don't think that ship can ever leave the port again I've somehow created an underwater roadblock. All right end shift What a stressful day. They said great job you It was my achievement. Oh, this is my type of game I love everything about it except for the loading screens, which seemed to judge me. Oh my god. What is my next job? I'm a security guard. Okay. I thought they were actually gonna make me a surgeon I was like if I something that much damage with a crane that isn't as precise Surgery probably isn't a good idea. I love the the pose I wouldn't mess with them. I've got my baton good Smacking it against my abs. It's abs of steel. I tell you I don't feel a thing and I got pepper spray Where's that? Hold on. Okay. Don't grab there. There we go Oh shit. Oh, that's cool. I have to scan myself in. That's amazing. I love humans Let's take a nice drink of coffee here. Hold on. Just got a big turning circle. Mmm. Yummy the shit Don't just cough in my face. Desperately trying to drink some of this coffee, but I don't know how Why are they like sneezing in my face? He's asking me where the bathroom's at He probably didn't realize this was such a loaded question. My guy's processing this information pretty hard No, I didn't mean to hit you. Sorry I was just trying to point to the bathrooms and they're behind you coffee. So coffee coffee young coffee This boy guy, I don't know how to point where we're the bathroom. Oh this way, okay And now you got to make eye contact. It's always been a struggle for me Oh wait, I need to look the right way. I see he backed away without breaking eye contact He's like I'm not taking my eyes off this guy. It's scary relax by attempting to drink some coffee I'll try honestly. It doesn't really relax me. It's kind of stressing me out because I don't know how Okay, here we go. Oh, this guy needs to be pepper sprayed. Yeah, you're drunk I'm trying to sober him up You need to find a way to move him on try not to hurt the poor fellow though. He's pretty harmless God, he has no fear. No fear at all. What about this, huh? Physical violence I'm threatening him, but I'm actually hitting him Like an old timey silent movie cop like I like how threatening him with it got him to move but actually hitting him did nothing Why are you shirtless? Don't let him in under any circumstances. He's been barred from the icu. How do you get barred from an icu? Oh my god, he's getting angry help him calm down Coffee can't me down. I'll give him a coffee coffee. Oh, come on. That was his own fault. He walked into my wrist All right, this seems overkill. I think tapping him with the coffee mug was escalating less than second stunning him Yeah, definitely like he is dead. Oh, we'd love to help you buddy, but you're banned from the icu so we can't Okay, what was the need for that you got my head spinning all over the place now How do I get this off? There we go, and now I'll just rub that on my face This is how humans clean crate our child. It's terrifying kill it. Hey, mister How come you don't have any hair? Is there something wrong? You little brat. How do I stun her and your face is all weird? I think your face is the weirdest I've ever seen look at you. You have the same face Why are you such an ugly pathetic blight into sight? Okay? This is getting too real. How do I pepper sprayer? Yeah, that's right. You deserve it. You little brat There you go Feck off. Oh, look at you handsome young lady. Oh, sorry. I was trying to share that That's my attempt at flirting. Oh god. Damn it. The door is jammed. Someone help Help mr. Wilson is trying to make a break for it. Okay, uh, where is he? Oh, there he is Oh, I'm gonna knock him out. Get ready. I've been training for this moment all my life That's why I got my job insecurity. Oh wait. I'm supposed to just stop him. Okay I was getting ready to fucking knock him out. Excuse me young lady. Oh god. Oh god. She's choking What do I do? Do I pat her on the back? She's gonna die. What do I do? Where's my bat and I can reach her with that? Why is no nurse doing anything? Okay, there we go. Did we dislodge it? Great. Look at that nurse in the background just staring. She wanted her to die No, you're not allowed leave. You have no free will now. You belong to the hospital. Excuse me I'm sorry to bother you. Have you seen my daughter? She's blonde hair wearing a pretty pink dress. Oh, yeah She's probably an icy yourself now. I pepper sprayed her good. I'm just gonna say no Haven't seen her If you see her, please let me know. I need to put her drops in after her eye surgery Uh, I think she might need another one now. Oh wait, he woke up again. Hit him with the coffee. Hit him with the coffee Why is that suspicious? Like he's threatening me There we go job. Well done. Oh god. It's mr. Wilson. Oh, he got away You know what? I'm impressed by his uh, MacGyvering He's allowed to go home another job. Well done and I think I have successfully mimicked being a human I think I did it pretty well as a person with very little experience The only one left is nuclear technician, but unfortunately we are out of time Honestly, I think that might be above my pay grade anyway But if you want to see it, let me know and maybe we can do uh, like the last level as part of another video or something Because I have a few games I want to play that aren't really big enough to do a full video on so that might be something we could do Um, but let me know if you enjoyed it. Uh, I hope you did I appreciate you watching it as always and I do hope to see you next time. Bye for now