 Palm olive soap, your beauty hope, and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, carousel hair bring you our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden. Friday the 13th brings a feeling of impending misfortune. But our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, doesn't believe in such superstition. No, indeed. I don't need any special day to be unlucky. In fact, ladders shy away when I come near them, and every mirror in the house has seven years bad luck, because I'm always broke. This Friday was no exception. Have you ever opened your eyes in the morning and felt that everything was going to go wrong that day, and then realized that you'd already made your first mistake by opening your eyes? Well, that's how I felt on Friday when Mrs. Davis entered my room. Up you go, Connie. Up, up, up. Rise and shine. I'm up, Mrs. Davis. Up we go. Out of the sack and hit the deck. I'm hitting. I'm hitting. Don't enough lift up your head and shout, it's going to be a great day. Well, I'll try it. It's going to be a great day. It's going to be nothing, and I know it. Why, Connie, I'm surprised at you. You're not nervous about it being Friday the 13th, are you? Oh, certainly not, Mrs. Davis. Well, I am. And so is Minerva. The cat? Yes, especially after what happened to her this morning. What was that? A black dog crossed her path. Now, cheer up, Connie. You'll feel better when you've got a nice breakfast under your belt. Breakfast? Yes, that should help. Then you'll go to school and you'll see your pupils and your friends on the faculty. Yes, that'll be nice. And your principal, Mr. Conklin. There goes breakfast. Mrs. Davis, I think you have just psychoanalyzed me. The reason I never want to get up in the morning is that I'm afraid to face Mr. Conklin. You may not believe this, Connie, but he's probably just as afraid to face you. It's like my brother Victor's experience. You remember me talking about Victor, don't you? He's the absent-minded one. Yes, I remember him, Mrs. Davis. Of course, he's not as absent-minded as my sister Angela. She's really a case. Yes, I know. But about your brother? My brother. Victor. Victor? What about Victor? You started to tell me about his experience. Oh yes, he's had a lot of experience. Well, I'll fix... I'll fix him breakfast now. Please, Mrs. Davis, drop the other shoe. You know, your brother Victor had an experience which had something to do with my being afraid to face Mr. Conklin? Oh, that's right. Well, Victor was terribly afraid that a certain dog in his neighborhood would bite him if he ever got too close to him. But the psychiatrist who took care of Victor explained that the dog was probably afraid that Victor was going to kick him. And? After a couple of months with a psychiatrist, my brother went right into that dog's yard and they stayed there together for over an hour. Really? What did they do? They just stood around, biting and kicking each other. Unfortunately, a policeman came by and stopped it. Yes, that was fortunate. Your brother probably couldn't have taken much more of that kicking. But Mrs. Davis, I'm afraid my trouble with Mr. Conklin isn't merely psychological. Whenever we get together, little accidents keep occurring. Accidents? Yes, ink spills on his shoes, flower pots fall on him. And yesterday, while he was bawling me out for transferring a tiny little flower pot from my windowsill to his head, he broke his glasses. Well, maybe you better just stay out of his way for a while, dear. Now, before you do anything else, you've got to get a snapshot ready. A snapshot? Yes, Walter Denton called and said they're getting the yearbook ready and he needs snaps of the faculty. Oh. Now, I brought in your album and we'll pick out a nice picture together. Fine. Now, let's see. Where's the nice one of you, Connie? You want to sit on the edge of the bed? Oh, yes. I'll just sit on the edge of the bed if I may. Oh. Now, let's see. Well, is a nice one of you, Connie. Oh. Connie, how did you get down there on the floor? I just came down with a mattress. Mrs. Davis, this is the second time this bed has collapsed and you've got to do something about it. Oh, I will, Connie. I'll see that you get lighter pillow slips. Now, you better get up and get dressed and we can look over the album and breakfast. All right, Mrs. Davis. Watch those springs, Connie. They still have plenty of life in them. Connie, where are you now? Mrs. Davis, I'm in the shower. You'll just push the breakfast dishes to one side. There. And look through your album for a nice picture for the yearbook. I haven't gone through this album in a long time. Oh, look at this one of you, Connie. I love your hair that way, curling all over your head. It makes you look so youthful. That's what mother thought. She didn't cut it till I was nine weeks old. You're terribly cute, Connie. Stretched out on that rug. What is it? Bare skin? We certainly are. No, I don't think that would be the ideal picture for the yearbook, Mrs. Davis. Too dressy. Oh, here's one taken at the beach. My, what a stunning bathing suit. That's my French model bathing suit. Was taken at Lakeview Beach last summer. And those sandals are exquisite. Such a pretty design. That's all handwork in the front, isn't it? Sort of. Those are Blue Jay corn plasters. Now I'd better get ready. Walter Denman and Stretch Snodgrass should be picking me up any minute. Oh, they're such nice boys. But you know, Connie, I can't help but feel sorry for Stretch. He's a wonderful athlete, I know. But honestly, for a 16-year-old boy, he has the mind of an 8-year-old simpleton. Oh, that isn't fair, Mrs. Davis. Stretch has every bit as much mentality as a 16-year-old simpleton. There's somewhere along the line that boy's mental development has been arrested. Arrested? It's been sentenced and shot. Now you'll put away that album. Wait, just a minute, Connie. Has the Mr. Boynton ever seen you in it? In the album? No, in the French bathing suit you're wearing in the snapshot. Well, I know. I don't believe the bashful biologist has seen me in that. Well, he should. He should take his eyes off his frogs for a minute. Now, let's take this picture out of the album so you can give it to the boys when they get here. Oh, you're joking, Mrs. Davis. If Mr. Conklin saw a picture like that, that in the yearbook, steam would shoot through the top of his head. I don't mean the whole picture, Connie. I've got the scissors here to cut off your head. That's all they'll need for the book. There we are. Here's your head, Connie. Mrs. Davis, now I can finish my coffee. Oh, that was very nice. Oh, would you mind answering that, Mrs. Davis? I'll go get my hat and bag and put the finishing touches on my face. Very well, Connie. Hi, Mrs. Davis. Hi, Mrs. Davis. Hello, stretch. Walter, come in. Mrs. Brooks will be with you in a minute. She's just putting her face on. Oh, we're in no hurry. Say, what's that picture you got in your hand? This. Oh, this is Mrs. Brooks. Gosh, now I know what you meant when you said she's putting on her face. Now where's her head, Mrs. Davis? Her head. Oh, she's probably got that in her purse. Oh, her purse? How can she get along with no head? Coming from you, stretch, a question like that could be very embarrassing. Apparently this picture's been torn, Mrs. Davis. Naturally. You said you just needed a snapshot of Mrs. Brooks' head for the yearbook, Walter. So we snipped that part off for you. Oh, I get it. But, Mrs. Davis, could we have this lower part of the snapshot, too? Well, I don't see why not, Walter. When you get through with the yearbook, you can paste both parts together again. Gosh, if I may say so, Mrs. Brooks' figure sure looks beautiful in a bathing suit. Especially in that one, Walter. That's a French bathing suit. Yeah. How do you like it, stretch? I don't know. I don't understand French so good. Well, either do I, but in this case, all you gotta do is read between the lines. Yeah. Want me to carry the snapshot for you, Walter? No, thanks, stretch. It's not heavy. I have two chauffeurs today. Hello, boys. Hi, Mrs. Brooks. Stretch picked me up today on a kind of, I had a little trouble with my clutch. What kind of trouble, Walter? I lost it. You lost your clutch? Well, yes, ma'am, but I'll find it all right. It can't be much more than a block away from where the emergency brake fell off. That's probably just a stone's throw from the motor. Oh, before I forget, here's the snapshot for the yearbook. Snapshot of who? Oh, this is your face. Ah, thanks, Mrs. Brooks. Well, we better be going if we're going. Yes, it's getting late. Now, remember what I told you, Connie. Be sure and invite Mr. Boynton to take you swimming soon so we can see you in the bathing suit. Please, Mrs. Davis, if Mr. Boynton wants to take me swimming, he'll take me swimming. I'm certainly not going to do anything about suggesting it to him until lunchtime. Well, we better step on it. We gotta pick up Mr. Conklin on the way to school. Mr. Conklin? Yeah, Harriet called me and told me that her mother had to take their car downtown early this morning and she was counting on me to pick them up. But if I'd known that, I would have gone to school on my Pogo stick. So would I have. But we can't let Walter down now, Mrs. Brooks. Besides, Mr. Conklin isn't so bad. For all we know, he just as nervous about us as we are about him. Stretch, you're not related to Mrs. Davis' brother Victor, are you? Now, I guess you just take from the same psychiatrist. Saying Eve Arden will continue in just a moment. But first, here is Vern Smith. Here's wonderful news, ladies. Wonderful, wonderful news. Now there's something thrillingly new in Palm Olive Soap's famous beauty lather. Yes, something thrillingly new. 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For new loveliness all over, use big bath size Palm Olive in tub or shower. As our Miss Brooks and the boys are on their way to pick up Mr. Conklin, let's look in on Madison's beloved principal as he and his daughter Harriet are finishing breakfast. Well, Daddy, how did you like your breakfast? It was very adequate, Harriet. Now if you'll hand me my hat, please. Here you are, Daddy. Thank you. It's a brand new one. How do you like it, my dear? Well, it isn't very colorful, is it, Daddy? Very few black hamburgs are. This suit is also new. It's the latest thing, black shark skin. Do you like it? It's real chic, Daddy. Across this tie may be a trifle loud with it. It's midnight blue. Do you think it's too loud, Harriet? I can't hear a thing, Daddy. I mean, it looks fine. This is the outfit I had my picture taken in, the one that's pinned on the bulletin board. In as much as you are the yearbooked editor, I wanted you to have a good photo. Thanks, Daddy. Walter will appreciate it, too. Denton, what has he got to do with this? Well, he's the associate editor of the yearbook, and he's giving us a lift today. He doesn't give me a lift. In fact, if I may borrow an expression from the undergraduate body, he brings me down. What you see in that booby is beyond me. He isn't a booby. Walter's the manager of the baseball team and editor of the Madison Monitor, and, well, he's just an all-around... He's just an all-around... Daddy! I won't say mine if you don't say yours. Stretch to pick us up. After all, they had to get up earlier in the morning to stop for us after picking up Miss Brooks. Miss Brooks? Will she be along? Of course. Walter always takes her to school. What have you got against Miss Brooks? Nothing at all, Harriet. At least nothing that some new shoes, new glasses, and a head free of a flower pot won't straighten out. I don't know what it is about that woman, but when she's in the vicinity, disaster rings in my bones. And today is Friday the 13th. Oh, please, Daddy. You're exaggerating. Miss Brooks is probably just as nervous about facing you as you are about facing her. I doubt it. I wish we could get to school some other way. Only it wasn't so late. Oh, well, they lifted the Berlin blockade. Maybe there's hope for me. Is he still sore at you, Walter? Yeah, but I just can't seem to put my finger on the reason. Lately, Mr. Conklin looks upon me with the... Would repugnance do it? Is that bad? Very bad. And that would do it. That's why I wrote the speech when I knew we were taking him to school. Speech? By the time we get to Madison, my future father-in-law and I'll be buddies. Oh, before I honk the horn, I'd like you to hear the speech, Miss Brooks. It goes... Mr. Conklin, sir. Excuse me, Walter, but Mr. Conklin, sir and his daughter Harriet just came out on the porch. They must have seen us pull up. She's leading him down the steps. Something must have happened to his glasses. Oh, yes. Hello, Miss Brooks. Hi, boys. Hi, Harriet. Hello. How are you this morning, Mr. Conklin? Very well. So far. Get in, Harriet. Yes, Daddy. I'll sit in the front with the boy. And you sit back here with me, Mr. Conklin. Here, I'll hold the door for you. Thank you. That's a lovely suit you have on. Is it new? Yes, Miss Brooks. Brand new! It's just your pocket, Mr. Conklin. I'll sew it up when we get to school. Go ahead, stretch. And, Mr. Conklin, sir... Shut up, you boob! Mr. Conklin's suit and unruffled his feathers when we got to school. And by lunchtime, I was beginning to lose some of my feeling of foreboding, especially since Mr. Boynton had invited me to the cafeteria for lunch. Remembering Mrs. Davis' advice, I thought I'd try and get Mr. Boynton to ask me out swimming so I could show off my French bathing suit. I was extremely subtle about it. Did you enjoy your lunch, Mr. Boynton? Very much, Miss Brooks. Me, too. Let's go for a swim. Swimming? Isn't it a little early for that sort of thing? Well, we could wait till after school. It'll be later than. I mean, early in the year, it's still quite brisk out. Oh, once you get in, the water's warm, especially at Lakeview Beach. That's only an hour's drive from here. Oh, I'm afraid I don't care much for beaches, Miss Brooks. They're bad for my sinus trouble. Oh. I like swimming in a pool, though. Wonderful, Mr. Boynton. Let's go for a swim in your pool. I'm afraid that's impossible, Miss Brooks. My pool's at the YMCA. I guess it would alter their routine a bit if I were to walk in there. You know what we might do? Work on your lawn for a while. I don't have any lawn, Miss Brooks. I live in a bachelor's apartment. All I've got is a window box. Perfect. That's just what we'll do. What's just what we'll do? We'll put on bathing suits and water your window box. Why do we have to put on bathing suits to water a window box? All right. You wear what you want, and I'll wear what I want. I'm afraid I won't be free this afternoon, Miss Brooks. You see, I've been searching high and low for another frog like my pet McDougal. He's a leptodectilus pentodectilus, you know. That's obvious. I can't seem to find one anywhere. None of the laboratory supply houses handle them, and I've got to get one for an experiment. If I bump into one, I'll give you a buzz. Now, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Boynton, I'm going over to the dessert counter. It's getting pretty crowded in here. Is there something I can get for you, Miss Brooks? No, I'd rather enjoy the exercise. I can still get a good post position right on the rail. See you in a few minutes. Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir. It was all my fault. Yes, it was, Miss Brooks. Mr. Franklin, I didn't recognize you. You've got new glasses on. I wish you had them on. Sit down, Mr. Franklin. I'll replace everything you had on your tray. Now, what can I get you? Well, suppose we start off with some nice split pea soup. Split pea soup, yes, sir. About how much? About as much as I now have in my best pockets. And, Miss Brooks, after you've served me and before you go back to your classroom, stop at the bulletin board, will you? The bulletin board? Yes. There's a picture of me on it and I'd like you to see just how this soup looked before I met you. There, that'll teach him to call me a boob. Oh, she looks funny, Walter. Miss Brooks in a bathing suit with Mr. Conklin's head nailed on the shoulder. But this won't get Miss Brooks in trouble, will it, Walter? How can it get her in trouble? These could be anybody's legs. Anybody but Mr. Conklin's, that is. Let's get out of your stretch. Somebody's coming. Okay, but I'd sure like to see Mr. Conklin's face when he spots his picture. Well, here's the bulletin board, Mr. Boynton. I'll just... Mr. Boynton, do you see what I see? Yes, I think so, Miss Brooks. Is this the suit Mr. Conklin wanted you to see him in? That happens to be me, Mr. Boynton. It was taken at Lakeview Beach. You, well, that must be a pretty old snapshot. Frankly, I like you better without the mustache. Thank you. I'm a lot less bald now, too. You know, darn kids must have put my picture over Mr. Conklin's for a rib, but if he finds out this is my picture, he'll take my head off permanently. Hmm, maybe we will drive to Lakeview Beach this afternoon. But first I better get this picture down, Miss Brooks. They didn't use thumbtacks. These are real nails, and they're hammered way in. Oh, I'd better find a hammer to pick them out with. Come on, Mr. Boynton, the keys to the supply room are in Mr. Conklin's office. Right, here's his door, Miss Brooks. I'd better knock. Oh, don't bother. Mr. Conklin must still be at lunch. You wait here, Mr. Boynton. I'll go and get the keys. How do you do? Coming in, Mr. Conklin. I was just going out, Miss Brooks. I thought you were still in the cafeteria. I wish I were. Just, just for a moment, gaze upon me. Yes, sir. It will be evident even to you that by banging the door in my face you have broken my glasses. The regrettable fact remains, however, that even without my glasses, I can still see you. I just wanted to get a hammer, Mr. Conklin. A hammer? You've done a splendid job without a hammer. Miss Brooks, call me a foolish dreamer, if you will, but somehow I had hoped that today's pocket ripping and soup-spilling incidents would appease your voracious appetite for mayhem. But no, no, for the second time in a few days you have shattered my glasses. Please, Mr. Conklin, I can't stand this war of nerves. If you hold me responsible for those accidents, why are you so restrained? You've got high blood pressure, use it. I mean, give me a good loud dressing down and get it out of your system. Miss Brooks, such crude behavior would be unbecoming to the principle of a high school. To lose control in the presence of others is to betray ill-reading. Now then, would you be good enough to excuse me for a moment while I walk over to the closet? Of course, Mr. Conklin. Thank you, my dear. I feel much better now. I found a hammer in the closet. You may have it, Miss Brooks. Oh, thank you, Mr. Conklin. I'll just take this. I'm sorry I dropped the hammer on your foot, Mr. Conklin. That's all right. I have another foot. Could I see you for a minute? Why stretch? School's been out for ten seconds. Why are you loitering in the hall? Oh, I've been looking for you, Miss Brooks. I even asked Mr. Conklin if he knew where you were. What a funny thing. The minute I mentioned your name, you ran into the closet. Yes, I know. Why did he do that, Miss Brooks? Quiet stretch. Oh! That's why. Now, why did you want to see me about stretch? Well, Harriet Conklin wanted a full-figure picture of you for the yearbook. So I pasted your head to the lower part of the picture we took off the bulletin board. Hmm, I've never had a full-figure picture in the yearbook. I guess Friday the 13th isn't so unlucky after all, unless you happen to be Mr. Conklin. Oh, there you are, Miss Brooks. Isn't it terrible? Isn't what terrible, Walter? Harriet Conklin just got the proofs back for the yearbook. Look at this snapshot section. Look here where it says, this is our Miss Brooks. Oh, let's see. Oh, no. Stretch. You pasted the wrong parts together. This is a picture of my face attached to a blubbery body wearing a black shark skin suit. Maybe there is something to Friday the 13th. Oh, it's an awful break, Miss Brooks. Every teacher and student at Madison will see this. You'll be the laughing stock of the whole school. Gosh, I wouldn't blame you if you burst it out crying. Not me, boys. To lose control in the presence of others is to betray ill-breeding. Will you excuse me a minute? And now, Miss Brooks? I just want to borrow your closet, Mr. Conklin. Luster cream girl. Tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Only luster cream brings you K-Dumont's magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin. Gives loveliness, lather, even in hardest water. Glamourizes your hair as you wash it. Luster cream. Not a soap, not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo. Leaves hair frequently clean, free of loose dandruff, glistening with sheen, soft, manageable. Gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanence. Four ounce jar, $1. Smaller sizes, either tubes or jars. Tonight, try luster cream shampoo and be a... Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to a luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, it looked as if the day might end a little better than it began when Mr. Boynton took my arm as we were leaving the school and said... Well, let's hurry, Miss Brooks. I'd like to get to Lakeview Beach while the sun's still out. Mr. Boynton, but let's stop at the house and pick up my French bathing suit. Oh, you won't need a bathing suit, Miss Brooks. And why are we going to Lakeview Beach? Because of that picture of you on the bulletin board. We've got to stop at the same spot where that picture was taken. But why? I noticed in the snapshot there was a leptodactylus-pentodactylus frog right near your left foot. But if you don't mind, Mr. Boynton, I'd still like to pick up my bathing suit. Well, what? If it fits the frog, you too can go steady. Next week, turn into another Our Miss Brooks Show. Brought to you by Plamalee Soap, Your Beauty Hope, and Luster Theme Shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressible hair. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis, with music by Wilbur Hatch. Here's good shaving news. Three men out of every four can get more comfortable, actually smoother shaves with Plamalee Brushless Shaving Cream. This is not just a claim. Here's the proof. 1,297 men tried the Plamalee Brushless way to shave, described on the tube. And no matter how they shaved before, three men out of every four got more comfortable, actually smoother shaves. Try Plamalee Brushless yourself. See if you don't get more comfortable, actually smoother shaves, the proved Plamalee Brushless way. For mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs, listen to Mr. and Mrs. North, the exciting, fun-packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife. Tune in Tuesday evening over most of these same stations. And be with us next week at the same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks, Bob LeMond speaking. Stay tuned now for Life with Luigi, which follows over most of these stations. This is CBS for Columbia Broadcasting.