 The mutual broadcasting system in cooperation with family theater incorporated presents strictly amateurs Starring Jimmy Duranty and Dennis Day More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of Our family theater presents strictly amateur starring Dennis Day and just a minute, Junior Everybody wants to get into the act Here's the thing folks. I'm walking around Hollywood minor my own business just commuting with nature And I'm telling myself. I'm a busy guy and what happens? I hear about this family theater There's a lot of people talking about it. So I says it's time interesting inquiries were made as to what it's all about So that's the way it happens when I find out they got something to sell Then I'm on my way out because I'm not in a buying mood until I hear they have something to sell That's free for nothing and gratitudus The inquiries are more interesting. I hear that something is for free that's valuable and priceless Because it's about happy families and a lot of happy homes So I say this is for me because that's what it should be a lot of happy people and happy homes because this is going to be stupendous and colossal Now get the picture you sit down you turn on the radio you listen for ten minutes the suspense is terrible You're on the edge of your chair. You listen for 15 minutes 20 minutes 29 minutes and what happens? The guy finally says to the girl. I love you the girl finally says to the guy I love you too It takes them 29 minutes on a network to come to the point But not with me my stories are different I commence where the other guy concludes for example when Madeleine McGregor he was 19 She falls in love with a fellow but her name of Tommy Keneally Madeline says to Tommy to wit I love you Tommy to which Tommy rejoins and I love you too Madeline see what I mean bang right off the bat We know where we stand the guy loves the girl and vice-a-voicer. So what happens next? Let's say it with flowers and music You guessed it they were married It was a real wedding ceremony and the old pastor tells Tommy and Madeline something like this May you have children as numerous as the sands of the sea and May you live to see your children's children to the second third and fourth generations Which is a very nice sentiment because I am myself poist Lee believe in kids To resume the course of my remarks. I shall hear would continue Tommy Keneally is a nice guy. He's a songwriter and also a singer. He says to his wife Madeline one day If I could sell some of my songs we'd have enough money to get a house on Long Island to which Madeline retorts We'll go ahead Tommy try and sell them, but in the meantime Why don't you keep trying for the cops so Tommy keeps trying for the cops and write songs in between Among some of the gems which he wrote was Gitchery gummery stump serenade to a slap-happy sultan The slouch and if thou was but a lily pad and I was a gay moonbeam May I add that none of these lyrics collectively or exclusively were ever sold or published Why because those are the conditions which prevail Nonetheless Tommy and Madeline were happy for example on a winter's night. This is how they talk to wit Tommy isn't it nice to sit here in the kitchen and listen to the coal singing in the stone Yeah, that's about the nicest coal we ever got it sputters and whistles so so sweetly Tommy It should sputter and whistle 14 bucks a ton Madeline see what I mean folks just simple talk coal in the stove They were tickled with it also concerning sunsets which take place over the palisades They had this to say to it I'm wild about sunsets Tommy awful of pink and red and clouds that just ooze with purple greenish gold It's the dust particles in the air that does it Madeline. I read it in a book But don't you just love sunsets Tommy? Yeah, they're okay Sunsets have that certain something about them that only that only sunsets have that's exactly how I feel too Tommy You see folks they live this simple life and need I add at this point that they were very very happy Exceedingly happy to advance my remarks Tommy says to Madeline one day. Oh, I'm washed up I can't get to first base. What's the matter Tommy? Nobody's interested in my lyrics But why you write the nicest lyrics Tommy? I thought the last one was the best thing you mean the one about the higgly wiggly walrus Yes, that was the sweetest lyric you ever wrote especially the line that goes bazoonga Bazango the jellyfish like to tango at the higgly wiggly walrus fall. Oh, it's simply beautiful Tommy Oh, they give you the same old story Brejanski says they want something original something peppy. I see Well Tommy, I have a surprise for you in fact two surprises. Yeah First of all, I wrote a lyric myself. You wrote a lyric. It took me seven and a half hours Here read it if you write the music for it Tommy, maybe mr. Brejanski you'll buy it. Hmm Say what's this first word you got written here? The word is thanks. Oh Let's see now Thanks be to God for a house that is warm For trundle beds that Madeline, why did you go and write stuff like this for? You see oh, you'll never guess what Tommy what I went to the doctor today, and he said yes Definitely you mean we're going to have a baby Wow And when I came back to the house I was so happy I just sat in the chair and cried and well the house seems so beautiful I mean the walls and windows and outside the windows and everything and well the words of the song just came to me Tommy The above is a very nice little interlude. I personally like to see people happy Well time moves on and Madeline has a baby who they call James Ambrose On a con of because they happen to like the name and now having three mouths to feed Tommy forgets a song writing for a while and gets himself a job with the bub bubble gum company You know the guys which go around putting gum into slot machines Well, that's our boy Tommy and when he ain't working he spent on most of his time leaning over James Ambrose Going a goo boo a move. Who'd you cut you cut you cut you cut you cut you don't laugh folks Your old man must likely done the same with you Well to advance my story one day Madeline says to Tommy Tommy Did you ever write music for that lyric I gave you honey? I told you before it's very nice and all that But it's just not commercial. It's like a like a hymn and you can't sell hymns to Tin Pan Alley I bet mr. Brajanski would buy it if he saw the words I couldn't take a lyric like that to Brajanski. He'd laugh at me. Oh, come on Tommy Let's go down and see him. No Madeline. I I can't just for me Tommy I said no one that's final so they went down to see mr. Brajanski Thanks be to God for the song Yeah, I'm afraid this would never go No, but mr. Brajanski if Tommy wrote the music for it and sang it he has a wonderful voice mr. Brajanski I appreciate you bringing it to me mrs. Keneally, but the it just ain't It ain't commercial sure like Tommy says it just ain't commercial now if I was you Keneally I'd really smarten up why what do you mean you want my advice I think you ought to forget songwriting and singing and start a one-man agency around your wife my wife Sure, Hollywood's been looking for a face like that for years. I mean it on the level Mrs. Keneally if you can read a single line of script, I'd be willing to guarantee that inside Well, it's like I personally say truth is strange and infriction and this is where I come into the picture myself You see I'm one of the guards out here and interstellar pictures incorporated I interview personally anybody who wants to tour the studios sold to continue One bright day. I see walking up to me a girl and a fella with a little kid in his arms They come walking towards me the girl says who do you have to see to get into pictures to which I seriously respond? Lady are you kidding? To which she rejoins. No Sister listen if you'll take my advice. She'll grab the first train out of here Hollywood has no place for you It's bulging at the seams as it is with too many people who want to get into the act I can give it a try can't I? Well, that's how I first came to know Madeleine so out of the abundance of my heart And may I add that my heart is full of abundance? I wrote on the card the name of a personal friend of mine who I happened to know Oh, thank you so much. Thank nothing of it. Go see this guy and tell tell him Giblin sent you mr. Edgar Glunt That's right Edgar happens to know a guy who was intimately connected with a friend of a fella who knows the brother-in-law of Electricians uncle oh and don't forget tell him Giblin sent you So what happens next? You'd be surprised at what happens next listen We've been out here eight months Madeline, and I'm getting fed up with it But I've been in four pictures already Tommy sure But why do they keep putting you in pictures with gorillas my last picture wasn't with a gorilla we had tigers well Anyway, they're mixing you up with too many animals It's not that I have anything against tigers maddling or gorillas either But they never give you the leading part. Do you ever shoot a gorilla? Do you ever kill a tiger? No But I've got to work my way up Tommy and don't forget in my last picture. I was in it for six minutes Yeah, six minutes the tiger had a mangled somebody but it was dramatic Tommy when that tiger mangled me That was the climax. Oh Madeline. I don't know it's Well, I'm not jealous Madeline, but I do think you're on the go too much Well, I've got to keep appointments my agent insists I know all about your agent, but you're married to me and not him Sometimes I wish I was back in the Bronx with nothing to worry about except putting bubble gum and slot machines Give me six more months Tommy. We'll settle down then and another thing Madeline now. Don't get mad I won't well don't keep going to dinner with that big shot. You mean mr. Hudson whatever his name is Why that's nothing but publicity mr. Hudson has a lot of influence Tommy He's going to introduce me to Walter Morgan one of the biggest producers and all right Maybe he is but you don't have to go to the hudgeon fudge with him so often the hudgeon fudge is a very pleasant restaurant Tommy And besides mr. Hudson won't eat spinach anywhere else the olive oil at the hudgeon Okay, okay Where you going now? It's another one of those dinner dates. Don't bother waiting up Tommy now Madeline Oh, I forgot to tell you I'm dining with the friendly daughters of Azusa. Oh The friendly daughters of you were going to say something. Oh, no, I mean yeah, yes I mean good night Madeline have a nice spinach salad. I mean have a nice tea with the friendly daughters It's a dinner Tom. Good swell eat up Madeline eat up So lo and behold What do you think happens consequently? You'll be surprised at what happens? Consequently listen the newspaper carried another article about you and mr. Hudson Tommy Why do you keep talking about mr. Hudson? Why do you keep going out with him? Maybe it's because I want to now Are you satisfied? I see and in the meantime? What am I supposed to do sit up with little James Ambrose every night while you and mr. Hudson eat spinach that also might not be a bad idea Madeline you're beginning to get me exasperated. I don't know why you're making all this fuss I'm only trying to get a contract sure and if you eat enough spinach with mr. Hudson he'll introduce you to mr. Walter Morgan and then you're wrong with that You don't have to stay out till 11 o'clock at night eating spinach with a spinach again You said he liked spinach you've got spinach on the brain. I'm not talking about spinach. All right What are you talking about about you? That's who you said you'd stop working after six months We were supposed to settle down after all you are Mrs. Caneely I want that contract and I'm going to get it. Okay, okay? Go on and get your contract, but I'm through and I'm clearing out I'm taking James Ambrose with me You're leaving James Ambrose here You can keep your gorillas and tigers and and and your spinach too and if you want to come back to me and James Ambrose you'll have to come crawling on your hands and knees. That's what you'll have to do you you second-rate amateur you So that's the situation hats, honey. Yes, mr. Giblin I told her off this morning and she won't let you have James Ambrose. Oh, I should care You know what I'm becoming what reckless. Oh, you're just a little perturbed Why don't you go back and I've gone out and work for Madeline day in and day out slot machines carrying bubblegum From bowling green the throgs neck a crease in my back a crease where the strap hangs. Oh that bubblegum What did I ever get out of it a wife that runs after a spinach maniac, but mr. Hudson is only I've had more than enough I'm going back to New York. I'm the super chief too. I'll spend I'll splurge. I'll become a I'll become a Derelict that's what I'll become and if she wants to reclaim me from the gutter She'll have to come crawling to me on her hands and needs is she gonna have a guilty conscience There's a storm brewing on the home front tonight folks What was once a state of happy bliss has deteriorated to a state of consternation? Accusation alienation and embarkation by the way of super chief and back against the consternation It's a vicious cycle. So what happens next? Buzz happens a gentle buzzing at mid-door Oh, it's you Madeline and little James Ambrose with his lemon and lime lollipop Oh, mr. Gibbon, I just had to come and see you this past week has been just restrain yourself Madeline relax I know the whole story about me and Tommy. Yes as a matter of fact Tommy phoned me from New York this morning push in the poison long distance. Oh, I'm so glad he's safe I didn't know where so that's where he went from the sound of his voice I'd say he was not only frantic and distraught he was even upset I'll never go back to him. Those are harsh words Madeline. He thinks I'm no good. He called me an amateur But I've got a career. Mr. Hudson told me he's going to introduce me to Walter Morgan and listen Madeline You're a sweet and lovely girl. You got a lot of talent. I mean it but Confidentially, I think your place is back in the Bronx with uranium's on your windowsill and down the line in your hair Why if I was you I'd grab the first train and What's the matter kid? You don't think I'm any good either Madeline. I didn't say that. I'll have you know I want a medal for our toy back in junior high, but my dear Mrs. I'm not saying I'm the world's best actor Madeline, but I'll show him. I'll show everybody Maybe you think I'm not serious. Mr. Giblin Maybe you think I ought to go back to pots and pans and slay for that that 10th rate songwriter Him and his higgly wiggly walruses Well, I'll prove to him that I can be a star when he sees my picture on all the billboards And when he sees pictures of me sitting in the hodge and fudge restaurant with other celebrities Then he'll come crawling back to me on his hands and knees The situation folks has become an incredibly voice it's a problem. I paste my floor Monday It's still a problem. I paste my floor Tuesday still a problem. I'm flustered undistorted Then all of a sudden bang Like a sledgehammer it hits me I get an idea and folks when Giblin gets an idea Giblin gets an idea I'll be glad to cooperate Giblin, but why does it have to be on July the 3rd? Because mr. Walter Morgan, it's gotta be on the third of July the 3rd Operate Giblin, but why must it be on July the 3rd? Because mr. Glad fly. It's gotta be on July the 3rd. I Have had a conference with mr. Giblin. Mrs. Can you leave? Yes, mr. Morgan? I suppose you've heard about our coming production boy does not meet girl Yes, mr. Morgan mr. Giblin advices me that you have talent exceptional talent. Oh, yes, mr. Morgan You understand if we cast you in this role you'll get a chance to sign up with us a long-term contract Yes, mr. Morgan. Fine. Please be on hand for your screen test July the 3rd. Yes, mr. Morgan Are you getting the drift of my story folks? Why it's got everything suspense Conflict confusion, but to advance the action. Let us proceed with the next interlude What happens a buzz happens a gentle buzzin at my door? Come in oh It's you Madeline with James Ambrose and his lemon and lime Lollipop. Oh, I'm so excited about tomorrow Oh, you're gonna knock them dead. I've got my lines memorized You've got some cork and lines there Madeline just give them what the right inflections and conjunctions Inflecting where you're supposed to inflect and conjunct and where you're supposed to conjunct and that contract is indubably yours But what I came to see you about mr. Giblin is Well, could we all go to the hudgeon fudge restaurant after the screen test the hudgeon fudge? I mean if we could have a picture taken with the celebrities You know after after signing a contract with mr. Morgan is that it? Yes, Madeline You wouldn't be trying to make Tommy jealous, would you? Oh, no, it's not Yes, mr. Giblin. I want to teach him a lesson. He'll never forget your very vindictive tonight Madeline However, regarding the hudgeon fudge and etc. I'll make the arrangements and when Giblin makes the arrangements Giblin makes the arrangements July the third the screen test everybody is there Morgan is there Madeline is there I'm there But all this is neither here nor there Quiet the camera is focused the lights are up Madeline speaks I have suffered I have suffered much I have suffered over much Exceedingly too much suffered and now I die I pass away I die. How did I do mr. Giblin was a boy a boy. I knew it I felt the part in every marrow of my bones Here's mr. Morgan's office. He wants to see me Madeline between you and me I think you've landed a lifetime job this afternoon wait out here. Well, tell mr. Morgan There's no hurry about the contract. We can all go to the hudgeon fudge first and just as you say Madeline I'll be right back with the good news kid. Is she outside Giblin? Yes, mr. Morgan. She's standing near the door I hate to do this Giblin. Come on. Come on. Don't waste time give it to me and give it to me loud Mr. Giblin, yes, mr. Morgan Louder Morgan louder I was under the impression that we were to have a screen test this afternoon Well, of course what seems to be the predicament where is all this talent? You've been telling me about talent Why Madeline can nearly is bubbling over with talent talent. I have all the preposterous impositions on my time That's the way Morgan. Come on louder. Why if I were honest enough I'd go out and tell that dame to break her leg and get herself shot It's a boy. You're wonderful Morgan a Missouri mule Giblin a Missouri mule without a script could have done a better job You're inspired Morgan. She was ranked. She was futile. She was she was positively horrible Why Madeline? It's all right. I heard everything. I've heard enough. I want to go home But we can't go home yet the hudgeon fudge reservations Madeline the photographer Forget this afternoon If at first you don't succeed Madeline About time I let you in on a secret Sure, I told Morgan you had talent and I meant it. It's a fact But I didn't tell him what kind of talent you got the way I see a kid with those three freckles on your nose and your nice clean eyes You're just bubbling over with talent talent to make somebody happy your husband your family You've got talent for being a wife talent for well for picking a morning glory off a backyard fence For throwing a lamp stew together for singing a sweet and simple song for a guy who comes home tired at the end of the day You're like millions of other kids Amateurs strictly amateurs, but boy what class and speaking of amateurs Madeline. This is still July the 3rd Why what do you mean major glad flies amateur hour? It's on right now. Listen to the amateurs Madeline That was Jack preventative strong bone ladies and gentlemen and now our next contender Your name, please Thomas Keneally. Mr. Ghiblin You're going to sing an original song I believe are that right mr. Keneally Well, it's not exactly original sir. My wife wrote the words and I wrote the music Well, that's a very nice combination is your wife listening. I don't know I hope she is and if she is listening. I hope the song makes her hit parade Yes Madeline Tommy's music was beautiful sure, but only because you wrote the words Tommy and I We go well together. Don't we that's right Madeline matter of fact. It's one of the nicest combinations I know of husband and wife together. They make sweet music Madeline colossal stupendious music Together, let me step out a character for a minute folks. I'm the narrator Jimmy Durrani I'm talking to you now as host of family theater We gave you a story tonight a radio play about a family We people of the radio movie industries That includes everybody from the big shadow owns the station down to the last kid who's knocking at the door of a talent agency We've got something at stake and that's the American family Of course, I don't preach the people I'm only supposed to be a comedian Anyway What I want to say is this There's nothing more beautiful in this life than a happy family. I'm mean it and maybe we should remember that sacrifice patience hardship all these things Together with Robbins and Sunsets joys and laughter make a happy family We can't have these things unless we look back and up up to God That's why we say pray Pray to God as a family That means getting our kids around us in the parlor in the kitchen It means just for a few minutes lifting our hearts and minds to God Too many families are unhappy these days Too many families are breaking up These families don't know that a family that prays together stays together Good night and God bless you our thanks to Jimmy Duranty for his performances give them to Dennis Day for his portrayal of Tommy and Barbara Eiler who played Madeline others who appeared in tonight's play with Jack Krushen and Ira Bracelle a Special word of thanks also to Timothy Mulvey for writing tonight's play and a max tear for his music The program was directed by David Young Next week our family theater star will be Lionel Barrymore in blue memorandum your host will be Ricardo Montalbain This series of the family theater broadcast is made possible by the thousands of you who felt a need for this kind of program By the mutual broadcasting system which has responded to this need and by a friend of the New York Foundling Hospital Which cares for homeless and motherless babies without distinction of race creed or color This is the mutual broadcasting system