 Hello, everybody. Welcome to the real life of podcast right here on SPM Buzz. They call me Superhost Miskithinji and this is where our feelings are represented. Joining me on set today is... None other than Ian official father of many, because they call me daddy. Why? My name is Midenya, the gracious host. Rich girl, Liz Jackson. Alright guys, now today's topic of discussion is very simple. If a man wants, he will. We are lucky to have Ian on set today because he's going to be telling us if indeed it's true. The topic of this today is derived from the recent scenarios that we've seen online. For example, we had a gospel artist Mr. Seed who said that a man can keep you in his home or rather just be with you for even close to three years knowing very well he's not going to marry you. And then also we had the case scenario of a comedian Mula Moa where people were saying he didn't get to do what he's doing for bestie, for Suni. You know he didn't get to do that for Suni and there's a video so that you know he came, Suni had done a while earlier just saying that Mula Moa did not give her. Pesaya. Photoshoots. So but people are asking is it the case of individual or is it the case of your man once he will. So maybe we can start with Ian just to tell us. Well indeed if a man once you would and still the same way Mr. Seed said that you can have a woman for three years. Okay. I'll give you a very good example. An example of, I'll give you an example in football. Idan Hazat for over one year but he never played because they knew what they wanted and it was not him. But Ian you cannot compare football and him. Yeah. You cannot do that. I'm a fan of money. Money? But let me tell you something. You see us for men and a lot of men will comment down there. These days men are not picking even at he. Kitambu vinyel kuna sema wa ude ma kuna. You know? Skuizi tu langali akili na munga metubari kiyosecta. Tu na kukugeji. The other men here will support me. Tu na kukugeji. Kyu na kido go akili na kumbiza ikufi kiela kini you are faster we live. So what makes you think you're wise than the woman? Just honor to mend a supermarket. Kufanya shopping. Kufanya nini. Why waste someone's time? Three years. I'm giving you time. I'm giving you time. I'm giving you time. And yet you know kabisa utamari. You start behaving the way we want. Then what do you think? Do you think if a man wants he will? Yeah. I think when a man wants to he will. We've seen it so many times. You see, um... Mtuwa lukwana first wife. They didn't do anything for the first wife. But when the second wife comes at a six months age. Um mtuwa na deitu mtu for like five years. Hamari. And then nana tokapa na deitu six months. Anamari de mungini. You get. So if you like men know what they want. But they're just good with wasting people's time. Sometimes. For me, two different things. First of all, the finances part. There are two things. He can want to waste your money. But sometimes you can be with someone who is not financially capable to like spoil you. But the moment you break up, this person probably elevates financially. Thank you. So you know, na jwa sawa. Kido gotu. So kuna hiofakta. So for example in the case of mula moa. That was three years ago. Probably. Ha kwa me omoka bilia me omoka sayi. Unona. So of course he was not able to do what he's doing for Ruth. At the time. Like he was not able to do that for the ex at the time. So sayi bilia kuna pesa. That's why I want you to be like, I know if he wants to, he will. There is also that factor. But then again, let us not forget that men are premium time wasters sometimes. That is time wasting. If you know very well, you won't marry me. Just tell me the truth. Let it hurt. Usini hat three years and you know very well akuna place to nendelea year. No, let me tell you. At times. Ingini na sumangani nyota. Nyota gani. Nyota hakuna. But you say, Nyota tamoja. You are three years. You are three years. Nyota pamoda. Ha. Let me tell you. That is really wasting someone's time. But also there is the anger of this person was probably not the type because kuna skiangakuna wano mewanyetia. Not romantic. We don't even know this. The luxury. They probably even didn't grow with this luxury. So for them, you know even going for a photo shoot or doing something that luxuries is a waste of money. But let me ask you this base. Wachani mani. Let me catch you one minute. When you say, if a man wants you cold, is it only when it comes to monetary? Not necessarily. Not even monetary. Even how they treat you and how available they are emotionally for you. How they want to share. How they want to tell their past stories to you. Because it's not everyone. It's not every man who opens up to the person they are dating. So it could be emotional. It could be financial. But also there is the aspect of learning. Maybe when I dated this person, I did not learn. And they say every relationship should be a learning process for you. So maybe, for example, maybe mula moa learnt, oh, made mupenda kufanyu aivi. But because ego aingemzu ya kufanyu mula mula yule time, kwa huyu ame learn. And now he is able to show up as himself 100% having learnt. That's my maybe. Let me ask. Do you agree with that baby? Do you feel like men could also learn and elevate in the next relationship? Correct. And I'll tell you this. Men are very patient. All right. That's why you guys are shocked when you hear, oh, we stayed together three years, we didn't get married. They were even engaged for 10 years. Yeah. Correct. For us, you are the ones who make it a big fuss. For us, it's not. And let it not now be a problem of if man, if man. It's not only about men. At times, you're not the one because I'm trying to express myself, but I feel like you're not getting where I'm coming from. You get. Then now there's this other person who I've known for three months, six months. I can explain to them everything and they are reciprocating back the energy. It is not a matter of time wasting You find. Let me just put the example of Mula Mua. You find Mula Mua and the previous relationship he had he was not able to be himself. Maybe I'm saying, because I was not there. Maybe he was not being able to be himself during that period and all that and everything. But now that he's in this new relationship, he's able now to feel like, okay, now I feel like I'm at home. It's not only about being men. At times, it is women who contribute men to not, if you wanted he called. You get. It's also at times you find it's women who contribute to that. Maybe a man really wants. He wants to open up. He wants to spend on you financially. He wants a partner to talk to. He wants you to understand him, but are not receiving the room from the other party. So at the end of the day it will be it's the man's fault, but it's not. But have you communicated that you're not receiving that room? Have you communicated? And I'll tell you this and you have mentioned something very important on learning. There are men, ask men we have learnt to hey, I'll deal with my own problem. I'll deal with my own shit. I'll not communicate about it. So it is up to you to help me unlock it if you see there's a problem. Oh my God. Come on. That is expecting someone to know your feelings when they're not an angel. It is true, but there's just the aspect of you see for men I'll tell you this and a lot of men do love it when it comes to attention. There's a certain point of attention and there's a point when you hit a man will be able to start breaking their eyes polipole. But now for women if you start making it all about you guys it is not all about you. But do you realise there's a problem now if you do not communicate? Well, correct. There's a problem and that's why I'm saying hapa haiku wak kule kwingine inakwa kwae because maybe they are compatible. Okay, compatibility is also a thing. Yes, it is not about OCG, he did not do it for me he did it for another person. There are a lot of people who are doing a lot of good things for other people. If we go back numa numa froma kina mulamu and the rest they are there. It is not about just men. But also the question is how long does it take you to know that we are not compatible because I mean in three years come on. You must be very slow to take three years to realise you're not compatible. How long do you guys think that now it's time wasting from this month or this year? Two years for me I think. Lemitilu, I have a friend of mine a nuko na gilfriend mugini kisi rani Kichuwangumu ya ni ya ni ni? Kichuanya uliwa na muliafiliwa. Kiyami nume witu nes ya ni sorry to say but nishetani alafu yai nene neshtani alafu yai nene neshtani alafu yai nene nene nene Nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene Nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene nene Hei dwen Food for three days Chakwa And when he comes home for cold so my clothes he cuts My makeup now is still thin So its so for bag energyéc warm You cannot waste our威 Extの So, for ladies, for example, is it the same when a lady is dating someone for money, but they have absolutely no, like they are not going to marry this person, like you know very well, I am dating this individual for money. Is it the same case? So, I think I will date someone for money. I will fall in love with him. If you fall in? Yes I have a crush on you because I know you have had it for so long. What have you been up to since you left the hospital? Excuse me, what is the number on the list of Jacks, no. 6 I have a breakfast date. Good. Oh, a breakfast date? Yes. I have a breakfast date. So, I am still thinking about where I am going to go, I'm going to take a lunch. Some people even say it for me. Okay. Hai, kwa mafu nakuu nabi ina do na yu programi ya kumande, to sahandi, aira utaki pesa Ya, Sinja, yu agaching to no different people Ah, boss Ya, kwa kwenju no different groupwea Si, ni, pa a tu kusiba insta dya kwa esti am tu ten Wachad ni kwa ambi e Akin na ja ni patinana mtu, yu brea kwa dafizupirm, yu wiltu si type Sosa, wey wey, wwey akinna hoteliyu jwe na kangaivi Alu, unedana hote na hoteliyu Ena ufungwe page 4 wangali ye pasta Una kana pasti yunye steamasana nanguwe Akinna natasiniya kwa reveals See, let me tell you what I'm about to tell is that, when she start going into if a woman wanted washing couple I say let me tanya but then I agree because i know it's because there are women who can date for money you guys don't know when someone is date you, let me tell you God bless you, so much that you don't care about other things there are men who really don't know that let me tell you, and you see the example of the baba soldier Kabisa kabisa this man has a wife Why you there? You're there for money And it is true and the man knows that Yeah exactly now you see in that case the man knows that But how about now let's say for example there is no married person in this one It's just a bachala who was hit on a lady and now you know they are doing it but the lady is there for the money A man cannot know a woman is here for money A man knows that and that is why you might think I'm done with suffering but we're done with suffering Because I have you at my hand How? If I can give you 50,000 to cooperate to whatever I want you will do it But do you realise someone who is dating you for money they can easily walk away and find someone else for money And it is true but and that's what I'm telling you Let me tell you women you can have somebody who is giving you one million per day Then there is another person who is giving you 10,000 per day You will still communicate to the 10,000 per day person Kwaili And when it gets to a point I don't care if you're consuming my money I'll have come Shika enda Imagine men know Men know And they are men and I don't know if you girls have experience They are men who just want your company They don't want anything else We'll just pay you to hang around then you go back home So you have used their money Yes You have used their company I don't know if you have any experience Yes Please What duration at what point do you think At this point I don't even know I don't even know One be at a Siri One be at what point do you think now this man is wasting your time Well You see for women I'm not best to talk To talk from a woman's perspective But I'll tell it as a man It also reaches to a point We as men we feel like ok This is enough Right And by the time you're saying this is enough We already have another backup plan And it might be in those six months In those three years But also it comes with maturity Because these things you tend to find In all honesty again I also don't support you staying with somebody's daughter For three years And you're not making any progress That's not correct Ok Denya How long do you think your time has been wasted Now at this point You have many wasted your time But I think You see when we've dated for like a year plus Let's say a year and six months And if you want to do some things You're not changing You're not changing I feel like now you're wasting my time Because you're not willing to change To make this relationship work So one year six months By the time you're doing the things That don't make me happy Then waste your time Let's say for example Anaba Dilisha How can anaba Dilisha progress Progress in terms of In terms of you know The nature of your relationship If you're still a girlfriend I think I'm a girl If it's ok You can be a girlfriend for it How many years I'm a woman and I don't want to be a girlfriend I see you're married See sir, I'm in the case No, I change I change my relationship Because I've dated for four years I'm the fifth year I'm ok Well I feel like The relationship is manual Sometimes you may not know Or sometimes you can date someone For three years The fourth year you get married Or eight years The ninth year you get married So I feel for me I really don't have a timeline But I just feel My instincts Kuna sometimes I just don't know That this guy is wasting my time Ya So for me I don't think I have a timeline Ju sasa wuki jwe kia timeline And then you'll start dating People with a calendar One emefika me wu Sizi atoka girlfriend Sijenda wa ewa zeku Ku overthink So I feel for me In my spirit I will know that definitely This man is wasting my time Well For me I think I definitely Have to put timelines Because you see As you grow older also Especially for women Your Your span Or whatever It's called A bit limited Also you see When you grow older Even the men That want you Are a bit lesser Uno nana siji Asimu utakosa Wezi kosa jwe tabia ya Nini wuki petam tu Anakupenda anakupenda Lakin ni Kuna hile The men And he can testify The men are always going For the younger women Because they are available Awata ki mambu minge Awata ki ata kuolewa Pesa kidogo tu na yoni Pesakona ya neza Kupia unona So for me When I get older I definitely need to Have timelines I'm not putting pressure I just have timelines In my head I'm like okay Getting to know me I feel like One year You already know The highs and the lows How I behave Nikiwan mekasirika If we spend time together If you're bonded You already know I feel like In one year And it's time You already know If you want me to be Your girlfriend Twanzeata apu Then in another year's time You've dated me I'm your girlfriend Nininini There are just a few aspects That could hinder Us going to the next level It could be financial It could be what Maybe location wise Where you guys are working You're probably long distance At some point So you're not able To start that family At that time But I feel like We should work with timelines Because now if you Stay with someone Okay three years for us Unless Like then ya say Dhanaharaka ya kukua When it's to the next level If you're at that point That's okay But if you want to Probably move forward And build a life with someone I'm personally You're making a good kidgo Kidgo too When I say Kwa kwenna na naka kwa In the next level Me as long as you Characty kwa Sin nambiyu ya kuitwa waifu The title Boro you're acting right Ya So sa mimi Siji kama neneza Sin na nikuwa girlfriend Five years Jo nimefa ya yo tena na tena So sa niteendele That's how it is for partners. At least let us know if these are this progress after one year, something after two years. Npia releases migrants, but say after two years what you say. At least you're there, you know, and also it's about conversation of we had this conversation have you told me that you intend to meet me, to be your mother of your son, if you're not having such conversations, if your mother is not brought up, If a man has not brought up that conversation, then it means hana yo idea because I feel like men bring up such conversations when they are ready. Ama, what do you think about what I have said? Hey, umo open up sana. It's just general experience. Just to wrap up, right? I'll say this and I'm very grateful to hear from this side that they're not in a hurry, all right? I think also it comes with age. Yes, you'd say that, but again you'd not say that, all right? But the aspect of them as I wrap up cha cha, not being in a hurry is for men we love their comfortability, all right? All didn't want to put you in a position whereby you're coming then and women don't want, these days there's a tendency of they don't want to build together, all right? They want a ready finished product. So if it will take me seven years to finish my product, then you'll have to wait for that and that is how men calculate. But you communicate that, Ian. My question is communication, you communicate that. Okay, unanguja, unanguja, unanguja even in three years to fanya rusi mwa kama. At least until when we're at Hana Jua, I have a future with this person. But then when you're at the age of five years, you'll have to wait for that. You know, I don't say that I'm not in a hurry, I'm not in a hurry. See, I'm not in a hurry, but I'm not in a hurry. I'm not in a hurry, I'm not in a hurry. Kitingi on all social platforms. At Ian official on all social platforms. At mbenya at all social media platforms. At least Jackson on all social media platforms. All right guys, that was a real life podcast right here on SPM bars. Until next time, goodbye from us.