 One of the best ways to know how to live is to see what people regret when they die. Now surprisingly, the people that study people who are dying and their regrets often end up finding the exact same few things. I thought I would share those today. Hey guys, Alex Hein here over at Modern Health Monk. So before we jump into this video, I've put together a free journaling worksheet. If you'd like to design your deliberate best life going forward, you wanna get your life together and make sure that at the end of your life, you don't have regrets about things you didn't do. So it's the first link right below this video. You can check it out and you'll get a free email series on how to use journaling to change your life. Now, Brani Ware was a hospice nurse and supposedly she was at the bedside of hundreds or thousands of people. And she claims that she heard roughly five same things. And I thought I'd share them here today because they are very predictable and they're useful points that we can reflect on to make sure we're living the most meaningful, deliberate life. So regret number one. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Now, in other words, I wish I did what I actually wanted to do. When I look all around, I don't see many people doing jobs they really care about. I don't see people marrying or dating the person they really, really want to. I see a lot of us playing it safe. I don't see people taking those vacations and trips they really, really want to do. In other words, the whole point of this bloody channel is because I don't see people living out their hero's journey. I don't see people following their bliss, like Joseph Campbell said. I don't see people going after the life they really want. And this is the number one regret of the dying according to Brani Ware. And there's no surprise there. We often do what we feel like we're supposed to do, not what we actually want to do. So what dreams, goals, travels, experiences do you actually want to have? Think about that. And if you actually have a plan for that today or this month or this year, because if not, it probably will never happen. The second regret was that I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Now this is interesting because it came from Brani claims every male patient that was on hospice. Now we need to know the context of this statement because were these the last generation men doing just industrial jobs the same shit day in and day out for 40 years? Yeah, I could see that not being super fulfilling when you have a family and friends and you missed your kids, little league matches. That's probably pretty unfulfilling. But I think maybe having more consciousness around work. Again, are you doing the work you actually want to be doing? And I know there are all kinds of ifs ands, buts, ors, but are you doing what you want to be doing? Is the big picture here? I'm sure these guys said I wish I hadn't worked so hard because they weren't doing work they even cared about. It was being the provider for the family. It was probably my parents' parents' generation or grandparents' generation. And meaningful work was not exactly something that was on the list apparently. These guys said I wish I hadn't worked so hard but for me it's a reflection point. The thing we often spend the most time at in our lives if we like it and even if we don't like it is work. We spend more time at work than at home. More time at our job than with the person we love or our kids or our friends or our family or our hobbies. So is it worth it? The third regret according to Brawny I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. So basically a lot of these people that had died had said that they harbored all these hidden resentments and these frustrations because they never said what they really thought. And so at the end of their life they had all these frustrations, these things that they should have said and would have said to mom, dad, the friends, their boss, whoever, but they didn't. Whether they were afraid or they were trying to keep the peace no one really knows. But ultimately I think this comes back to being truthful, being impeccable with your word as Don Miguel Ruiz says, but basically being congruent with how you think and how you feel and what you say and being able to have those difficult conversations. I mean, I can't count the number of people that I've seen lose friends because rather than having one uncomfortable, sweaty conversation, we just slide away and avoid that conflict. Like, oh, there's some weird vibe there. I'm gonna just back out and not reach out to them. But a lot of these people regretted at the end of their life and that's saying what they really thought. The fourth regret was I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but for so many of us, you get caught up with work and eventually family life and your own health and your own issues that it becomes very difficult to stay in touch with old people. One thing I love from Ray Dalio, founder of Bridgewater in his book, Principles, he says that his two main life goals were meaningful relationships and meaningful work and making a lot of money was never one of those goals but he ended up becoming a billionaire. And I think orienting your life around meaningful relationships, I mean, when you look at the blue zones, the people that live to be over a hundred and unusually high numbers, more than half the factors that predict your longevity have nothing to do with what you eat and how much exercise you get. They're social ties, meaningful relationships, a purpose for life, social belonging, community, physical ties and emotional ties to other people are some of the greatest predictors of longevity and health. One of the single greatest predictors, non-materially, non-physically. And now this ties into the last one, which is I wish I'd let myself be happier. I don't know about you, but for me, as an entrepreneur, my day-to-day life is often hard as hell. And if you look at me or talk to me, I'm not Mr. Happy Go Lucky. I'm head down, getting things done because there's a lot resting on my shoulders. And it sounds like a lot of these people at the end of their life just realized that happiness was kind of a choice. Like they could be at work and be lighthearted and a little bit more happy and bubbly with people friendly at the coffee shop in the morning. And instead of being like, I'll take a black cup of coffee chatting for two minutes, making a joke, seeing how the other person's doing, learning their name, just these little things that make life a little bit happier sounded like something that many of us forget. And this idea that I wish I'd let myself be happier. I think she chose that. But this idea of you can make your life more fun or more happy kind of whenever you want to. Doesn't mean things aren't hard or life doesn't suck at the moment, but you can always do things to make yourself be happier regardless of whether everything externally changes or nothing does. So I thought these regrets were very interesting to read. And I think the biggest one, the fact that the number one regret was basically, I wish I did what I actually wanted to do is very telling because everything I talk about here at Modern Health Monk is all about deliberately designing your dream life. And the first thing is that you need to sit down and think about what you want and do what you actually want. Not what you feel obligated to do by society or your parents or what you have to do to make a gazillion dollars, but what do you really want? Like what kind of life do you actually want? And if you aren't doing that for any reason, and I know you may have kids or responsibilities or massive student debt, but if you aren't doing that, that is the most common life regret when you die. So no pressure, but use that for your own information. Live deliberately. That's all I got for today. Download the free journaling worksheet and these related videos and I'll see you guys.