 It's not. It makes me feel bad. I feel good because I connect, but then I don't want to drag someone else into this whole horrible cycle of all this rubbish and this horrible core belief and you can feel like you're sort of like a drug dealer trying to like edge people into the dark side when you're trying to connect with people and it can be very confusing thing to do. Hello, Aru. Welcome back to another video by me, Thomas Henley, the non-racist, because I've just realised that this may be taken toward being a bit racist, so I am changing my voice. And not racist. I love all... I hate everybody equally. Thank you for tuning in to another video and today we're talking about nihilism again. Ah. Bloody hell, that subject again. What is he doing ranting about this weird concept? Weird thing. He should be put him in a mental asylum and beaten with some electric stick soft star walls or cut into his brain and lobotomised with an ice pick or, you know, like, get him off the air. Today I am talking about emotional connection and the effects being a nihilist can have on those kind of things. Just want to let you know at the start, this is not a good thing in terms of connection. It can be in terms of connection, but the thing that I'm going to talk about mostly is my difficulty with connecting with people as a nihilist. So an important part of being human is emotionally connecting with people, telling you people what you think on the inside, what you truly think on the inside, and having this belief and this core belief can interfere with a lot of your ability to effectively, like, emotionally communicate with people about completely bumming them out or annoying them or thinking, you know, that you're being silly or there are possibilities in this situation when you're trying to socialise with people. The important thing to mention here is that because my thought, my nihilism is such a minority, is such a very strange subject, it kind of puts itself in a little category of don't talk about it in a lot of people's minds. People don't want to think about it for a good reason. And I spend a lot of my time not trying not to talk about it in a lot of cases and filtering what I say so that I don't come across in that nihilistic way of thinking. The reason for that is not because I'm scared of what they'll think, it's just because I've had a lot of experiences in my past where I have been confessing to people my thoughts on things and it's either ruined the mood, stopped them from really wanting to connect with me any further because, you know, it's the whole negativity thing and it's very sad for me. It's one of the worst things about it, for me personally, bar all of the existential crisis and all that kind of things as an established positive nihilist. It's really difficult and emotional connection is a really big thing for me if I can't feel like I'm emotionally connected to people and people understand me. It can have a lot of negative effects on my mental health and there are a lot of benefits to be able to connect with somebody and feel like people are taking you seriously and it's just something that's really hard to do when you've got this belief. So instead of rambling on about random stuff, I'm going to give you a few examples of times where I tried to emotionally connect with somebody and it's not ended badly but it's not ended in a great way. So this happened when I was travelling with my friend, a friend Ben, we were meeting up with a couple of girls that were doing a Cambodia dentist thingy and basically we just met up because I knew one of them from one of the running groups I went to and we know each other quite a lot so we met up and travelled for a bit around. Not Cambodia, it's Vietnam, sorry I completely lost the plot there. Anyway, we had a night of mild drinking when these places play some card games and stuff so it's kind of a travelling place. It was very dim lighting, it was all like moon lighting, red, blue, greens and it was a little bit of background music but not enough that you couldn't talk. So we were playing a lot of games, we were playing like 21 and I'm trying to think of some games off the top of my head but I can't and it was really fun, it was going really good. One of the friends, the friend of the girl that I knew from the Ring Society went to, went back because she was feeling tired or something like that. So me, Ben and this other girl, we went up into this other place which was a bit more chilled, it was sort of like an Indian Persian style chill out room which just had little strings coming down with big balls of stringed together wood or something and a light in the middle. And it was really, really nice and it was air conned and you could sit on the cushions and lay down and stuff so obviously I lay down because it's nice and comfy, nice comfy cushions. So we ordered a drink just to make sure that we didn't get kicked out and had a few drinks and I'm trying to think of the moment where it came onto this topic but I think we were talking about something to do with my depression at some point. Maybe something to do with my YouTube channel. So we're talking a little bit about it and then I mentioned something about my core beliefs. At this moment Ben has heard a lot about it so he knows very strongly my beliefs on these kind of things and he's probably heard enough of it to be honest. We were talking about it and it was a very good adult conversation. I was explaining my beliefs and the thing is is that because I've thought about it so much I'm very well equipped to have these types of conversations which people usually don't think about these kind of things. So I was trying my very best to stop answering back to certain statements. Well what about your family and your emotional connection and love and happiness and all those sad things. And I'd respond to those emotional things as part of our biological makeup. It's just hormones and neurotransmitters that are shifting according to our environment and it doesn't mean anything. It only means anything if you believe that it does. That was my whole take on the whole thing. I had these back and forth remarks and the more I did it I felt like I was being very intense and intrusive and I was debating but I was trying my best to keep it less intense. It was definitely like escalating the bad moods in the atmosphere and it wasn't particularly pleasant for me either because obviously when someone has such widely different views to yourself and they don't understand you can feel very isolating and feel like you're the odd one in the group or the kind of guy that you just need to avoid in order to have a good time. And I felt like that on a lot of occasions it's been very hard increasingly when it's someone that you love. It's very hard to know at what point to tell people about these things and there are just some people in the world that just want to ignore it and they don't want to speak about it and they don't want to think about it. And they're going to be quite hard because when there's something that you know that's very important to you you want to be able to express it and being understood and feel validated. A lot of people are talking about validation being bad but you need emotional validation. That's why we emotionally connect because we want to find a crossover in our understandings and crossover in our emotions so that way validation is okay just to clarify that. I've heard some comments before like you shouldn't seek validation in anybody but it's not in terms of what you're doing it's more in terms of how you're feeling and wanting to connect with people and it can be very difficult. So, so, so go down difficult, really difficult. The problem is is that the only way that you can connect with somebody who isn't a nihilist in that sort of fashion is to make them shift more to your views and not make them. It's that's a very like, manipulative sounding thing but it's more because I thought about it so much I'm very good at arguing my point and people can't really get a word in edge ways because I know it so much and I know my beliefs so much that I'm very passionate about it and when that happens it makes me feel bad. I feel good because I connect but then I don't want to drag someone else into this whole horrible cycle of all this rubbish and this horrible core belief you can feel like you're sort of like a drug dealer trying to like edge people into the dark side when you're trying to connect with people and it can be very confusing thing to do especially with your loved ones who you don't want to make them feel bad you don't want them to feel like there is no meaning and pull them into some depression or something or some addiction use because of you or they've gone off and researched because of you and that's caused them to develop the same sort of beliefs as you and it's an ongoing thought of mine when I'm talking about these things and sometimes it's just easier to avoid the whole topic and you know it's hard, you want to relate to someone, you don't want to make them depressed and horrible so it's one of the difficulties of being a nihilist I hope you like my little story, I'm going to try and add in some more stories in the future maybe add a bit of mush to it, is mush the right word? it's probably not mush is a bad word isn't it? some more bulk to the style of the videos, it's good to have a little story isn't it? just to give it insight into the personal life it's all good me saying this happened, this happened and so something else happened it made me feel like that but your real word examples are I think are good I'm going to try and work on my storytelling skills so that I can give you a glimpse into me and myself and my beliefs a bit more easily I hope you liked the video I love you guys as I say in every video because I'm a soppy little Tommy teddy bear I'm not a teddy bear, I'm a big man don't you ever call me that or punch you in the gather I'll punch you in the gather I appreciate you guys, you always listen to me or maybe you don't, maybe you watch a little bit and then skip off, I don't know but if you are listening to all of it thank you, tell me that you are tell me that you, tell me your thoughts on it and connect I like doing that, it's a very important thing to me especially now that we are such a small channel in comparison to what we could be it's nice to just talk to you guys and get your feelings I've had a lot of people who have commented on my videos a lot and I know who you are and whenever I see your name I can know the profile picture I know the person and I've got a little thing going with that and it's really nice for me I know who you are it can be really weird like someone knowing who you are who's watching on a video so it's like I know you I can see you looking at me but yeah I really appreciate you and to anybody else who's watching who's new get involved, get involved in the community start watching some more videos inputting, talking to other people giving your own opinions and stuff I encourage it if you want to give me negative opinions I still encourage that as well if you think that I'm being a silly old sausage let me know and if you think that I need to be focusing more on topics that are not going to pull people into the depths of hell and strangulate their inner morals and beliefs in the world until they're nothing but cold mush on the floor see how I plug that mush in again I'll see you in the next video goodbye