 Kind of tell your story about or of who you were prior to meeting your current husband and how That life led you to him and how you guys were able to figure out we need to Like this thing in and where you guys are now Let's see how far back we're going this far back Before I met my husband, I think Probably about two three years before that. I had my son Jeremiah my oldest child His father and I We didn't work out But I was very excited when our first time today relationship because I thought we're gonna get married And I was gonna have this baby and you know We're both having kids for the first time and I was one of that so I was so excited cuz I was like, yeah I'm gonna get this fresh thing. We're gonna be married and have this amazing life together and legit I got pregnant and we ended up not even talking anymore after three months. So with the most my pregnancy alone or without him and So When I started dating again after I had my son people were looking at me like you just had a baby But I was like we hadn't been together. So it was like for me. I was like, yeah, I'm ready, you know but also I Got into another relationship after that and he started bringing me to church You know, I really didn't want to go. I was like, we're on a church and then the church You were going to was this tiny church and they had like six people that are like country churches and honestly the relationship it didn't work out, but I thank him for helping me to meet the friends that I did and get involved in the church because I Started finding God and started increasing my spirituality I started fasting and praying and Getting into a more positive space that I didn't realize that I needed help with I started healing from a lot of things I started growing as an individual and After he and I you know stopped talking I Just went into a place of I was like I'm being celibate I'm not gonna get back into a relationship. And so, you know, I know that's my husband and I were my friend At the time she was she's like a mentor to me. I love her. Um, she was just like You need to start speaking what you want in life And she was like speak you want a husband speak it and I remember that year I started speaking it. I kept telling everybody like I'm getting married this year and now at the time I was with my brother and I remember going to him and I'm like Khalil. We can't live together anymore He was like, he was like, what do you mean? I was like cuz I'm getting married He was like, who's who you've been a Mary? I'm like, I'm getting married this year. I know it sounds far fetch I really don't know who it is, but I'm getting married this year. And this is 2017 and I started speaking it I was in a process of healing and I remember going on a fast for like 21 days and I was telling God I was like I'm preparing for my husband I want to get ready for this man cuz I know he's coming up speaking it like and I can even believe it half the Time but I told everybody else you got to make it so you're making you know, I'm saying and I was like I want a husband. I want a family. I want to be a wife I want to have more children. I was like all these things I was desiring and I was ready to you know Do this family thing and I remember moving away from my brother and I moved back into my mom's house Cuz I'm like I'm gonna save some money, you know, cuz when I do have my husband I'm gonna you know, we're gonna be moving into a house and I just started preparing myself for it. Even though it was very far-fetched like Girl, this is win February. You have no prospects. It's all I remember just trying to you know, figure all this stuff out and I Met Sean That April he slid in my DMs And I remember cuz I I'm another thing I was trying to do is really, you know, get into my feminine energy because I was I'm a single mom. I had all the independent woman thing going on I you know, I like I don't do any of that stuff. So I was like People would flirt with me and I wouldn't know they were flirting because I was like, I'm not used to anybody flirting with me So I was like, I remember he slid my DMs I was like, I'm gonna work on this flirting thing that I've been trying, you know, and it worked and a month later or two months later, he ended up coming to Texas and visiting with me and He ended up getting married what six months later that Yeah, I totally ended up getting married. So Um It was definitely I didn't think it was gonna happen but I Was speaking into existence and I prayed about it and everything I prayed for in a man He was like he's well-read and he's emotionally intelligent which is a Blessing like he is cool with giving back to his community and doing stuff for people like he has a heart for serving and doing Other stuff, which is something I'm really like they're going like I love feeding the homeless and giving back and just doing stuff for people and so finding somebody who You know, I'm equally yoked with it was different. It was almost weird I remember the first time when he prayed for me, and I was just like People do this like out loud, you know people say they pray for you But having someone stop with their door and just be like let's pray and I'm just like I Was in love. I was just like, oh my god, this man is like Amazing he's the great man. He's amazing father. Like he's I'm blessed. Yeah But yeah That's how that came to be but prior to I was in a healing stage before meeting him I was really trying to get myself together and Be better not only just for a husband, but for me too like Deal with, you know childhood traumas and dealing with the exes and feeling like you're not good enough for people and like you're not worthy and It was a lot and I started realize I'm worthy, you know, I have a child But I'm still a good woman, you know, I can still get out here And I deserve good things and I had to start treating myself better and letting myself know that I deserved good things, you know Hmm. Yeah. Well, I was married for 15 years before going through a divorce and in that process man, I learned so much because And I was telling people this that I would never put my ex-wife on blasts like she has her own set of issues I always told myself accountable to my set of issues and I know for me There was a lot of immaturity a lot of stonewalling Just being immature I'm married when I was 24 and then I felt a little pressure by the church too because I was like Deacon and train that kind of thing and you know the whole biblical thing about having a wife and stuff like that so I felt a little pressure behind that and I would say before in those 15 years The last five and I hear this a lot when I talk to other couples who divorced the last five years I knew my marriage was over And I think I wasn't honest enough I wasn't willing to stand in that truth in that honesty yet because I had You know the spirit of lord kind of thing and god hates divorce and just being a church boy and and I remember a pastor Monty told me he said shine you can be committed to a fault and I was like Yeah, that's something I struggled with was being so committed trying to make things work And so and my ex-wife told me she was like chance was like I felt like you don't love me no more I put like this marriage is over And I was like no, we good. We're gonna work this out. No, no And she felt it. So those last five years of our marriage were really challenging So we just trying to make it work and the last year I told her I said, okay, we got a divorce And I called it. I said we need to divorce and that's when we had to talk with the kids kids are hurt and I just had to be honest with myself and I felt so much lighter after saying that like We need to divorce and if I anything about it is a lot of people say when I tell people that I divorce They say well who cheated And I was like, why does it always have to come down to cheating? You know and no kudos to me, but after 15 years of marriage I never cheated She never cheated at least not that I know of You know, but it's one of those things man where I had to be honest with myself and I could move on We separated for that last year And so I'm in my own spot. She's in her own spot And we tried to rekindle and tried to make it work again and it did and I was just like I'm done like I'm done done You know trying to make it work and after that I was free man and during I would say like with those six months of that separation I had met my wife on instagram Remarrying right so we talked on instagram And I even got the little text message. I share on social media sometime like, you know, she talked about oh, you're a podcaster or something like yeah, and we so she said Let's talk on the phone because I'm not really this big text or thing. We're doing this through instagram and We started talking man every night We would talk on skype So I guess I'm kind of dating myself talking about skype, right? And we started talking There was a lot of things that I really really appreciated about her. I love the fact that she was one of those people that She was interested in helping people who couldn't do anything for her in return Hmm Like she's big on helping homeless like these traits I believe are things that we have a tendency to sometimes overlook Because somebody fine, you know what I'm saying? We don't look at those character traits a lot of times um, and I mean granted she was fine too So When her was talking, uh, we would have bible study on skype. We would read books together We read 48 laws if you can read the 48 laws of power with somebody. They're probably a keeper If you had to give fellas advice because we're we're in a new dating landscape where like sliding to dms is Like it's kind of how you have to go. What is something that Sean did That set him apart or or aka How would you advise men to go about sliding? Honestly, I can't even think I think we both were in a place Where we wanted those things, you know You you could slide into anyone else if they're not in that place where they want to answer You know, they're not going to answer But I was in a place where I was like, okay, you know, he seems nice You know, we were following each other already on instagram You know, he had his doctor of love show back then and so, um I kind of knew that he what he was about a little bit So it was like and then you know, he was like, you know, she looks good on instagram too I was like we kind of knew That we weren't just crap people if that makes sense based off the instagram because you know, you could tell people are gonna like If I don't invest with that but he looks like a pretty good person like I said and he had his show already and so, uh He seemed like a good person off the you know off the instagram, but I can't sit here and say that I don't know. You're literally just shooting in the dark A lot of times when you're like, you don't know, you don't know like It's something that you have to try though. I think you have to be prepared for the rejection Uh, because you're probably gonna get it But I don't I can't sit here and say that he said anything fancy or anything He was just like thanks for liking all my pics and I was like, uh, so you know, like We didn't say anything special, but I think we both were in a place where it was like, okay Let's try like we're willing to give love a try But if you're a very and I was I think we're both in a healing space or healed space I think that also helps if you're You're gonna attract What you put out So if you're not a healed person, you're gonna attract other unhealed people and you're going to go through a lot of stuff I went through it. I did it And I was in a healed space and he was in a healing space or healed space And I think so that's how we were able to attract each other and make some magic happen. But Before you go jumping in people's DMs, make sure you're in a healed space or you're in good space So you're not over here ruining people's lives for no reason. Do you remember the moment And and it could be like a mundane thing you were in the kitchen or whatever, but the moment that you realize Yeah, this is over my marriage is over Oh Yeah, honestly, I felt that a couple times. Yeah, it was more than once And I just tried to make it work I'm I'm I'm such a committed person That I would do whatever to try to make it work I've heard that a couple of different times just in my head like, you know, it ain't working You know, it's over, you know, you kind of kind of like got the devil and god on your shoulder kind of thing and I just tried to fight through it And once I got to the place where I said this is not gonna work anymore I just took a deep breath and it just felt I felt lighter man I felt lighter, but in that process too I knew there was some issues that I need to heal from me personally because I didn't give up on love Um, if I gave up on love, I wouldn't be married to who I have now So I knew there was some personal issues that I needed to work through and even my ex-wife and I we had a conversation on the phone I said, where did I where did I go wrong? Where did I screw up? And she told me she was like you just got some growing to do And my love was conditional we getting to argument and I was shut down Stonewall we wouldn't talk for a day or two Like those were just bad times and that came from my immaturity of not learning how to express myself And then when I did express myself, I didn't feel like I was being heard So I was like, I'm done I can't keep living like this because there's too much pent up inside of me that I feel like I I'm not being heard When we look at social media when we look at movies when we look at talk shows There's a lot of rhetoric coming from the female delegation. Yeah about how Much better men need to become So I like to ask the question if you were a man What type of man would you be? I tell y'all all the time if I was man, I would go and whip it out and go pee everywhere because I I think it's bull crap that I can't just whip it out and go pee That y'all understand and then y'all don't even have to wipe nothing. Y'all can just shake and go Is that bad that that's the only thing I'm I'm so serious. So like that's what I want. I want to go and pee everywhere I literally be seeing people pee on the side of the building and I'm just like you can do that And you're fertilizing the ground No, I think If I were a man You know, I feel like I'll be a classic man. I'm a classic man. You know, I'm saying like the dead end. I like, you know, I'm saying like I would be fresh You know, I feel like I would be that and then also I think I would try to be humble Me, this is, you know, this is heel Clarissa talking. This is so this is the healed man Healed male Clarissa talking. Got you. Yes. Now all glurism, you know, I'll be, you know Pimpin, you know what I'm saying? But you know heel Clarissa, I think I would be humble because I know now what I'm attracted to and I'm attracted to humble man. I'm attracted to kind man I'm attracted to Men who are well-read men who Give back I want to see the man in charge. He giving back to this community, you know, helping, you know That's the stuff men who Take care of their children. You know, I'm saying if they have them, you know, who are good with kids because that That makes the over every single, you know You know, you see a man taking care of his kids and, you know Going to the park and doing the things are in our heads, you know Because women we get this protection thing, you know And so we're like seeing a man take care of his children and his family and you know, even if he working two jobs He making sure his family's provided for like that's sexy. And that's what I would want to be as a man If I was a woman I would be I would be as feminine as I could be I would want my man to be Loving caring sensitive Being able to express yourself. I would want to be that safe place like Alicia Keys had that song diary, you know, just look at me as the pages of your diary I would like to be that kind of woman where you can be safe with me Where I felt like I can help build you Not so much to build a man, but being that safe space of confidence Like you can lean on me when times get tough I think that would be the kind of woman I would be feminine I have my little heels on I'll be I'll be all feminine out, you know I'm saying I'm like being able to attract that because I believe that's what me and I could be speaking for myself But I believe that's what me and love man. I know I love me some femininity man I and then I'm a servant at heart. So I love to serve So if I was a woman, I'm like, you can open that door for me. You can get my groceries You know those kind of things. So that's that's what I would be as a woman Do you consider yourself a black person who happens to be a woman or a woman who happens to be black and white? Okay, let's let's try this. Okay a black person who happens to be a woman or a woman who happens to be a black person I think I will feel black first. I'm black. I have a problem my my my I am of Jamaican descent my mom is Jamaican, but I'm black. I I embrace being black. I love being black. I think beautiful black is beautiful I love everything about being this amazing black woman that I am um, I loved melanin. I think being black is just it's it's amazing and um I think when you really embrace being black uh And everything that we are and embrace how amazing that we are as the culture And what we can bring to other people's lives, especially, uh, you know, I'm a nurse by trade and I feel like being a black woman And live especially living in America We can culturally because we have to culturally like assimilate with everything else We can better help people because you know, I know the little things that And you know that you know like you heard that story about that lady who was patting her head and the nurse called Psychiatric eval on her because she was patting her head. We know her head is just itching You know her head is itchy because she just can't get in there. She got a pat You know I'm saying like we know those things are I feel like you know being a black woman And it's not all cases but most like we'll be able to take I could take care of a white child I feel like I could take care of a you know Asian child I could take care of anybody child grown up anybody because I Understand their culture and I make sure to push myself to understand their culture Um, and that could be just me but the black women that I have been around and the black people I have been around they do push themselves to make sure they know things about other cultures They're not just kind of stuck in their own You know world, okay, you know if we go anywhere we have to learn about where we are so I I feel like I'm a black How did you say it black woman black first one second first one second, you know like And that's what connects me to my black man. You know I'm saying I am a black person First because that's what people see And then I'm Yeah, then I would be a man because when people see black they automatically make the automatic stereotypes kind of thing so I know that I'm black I can tell from the way people look at me or the way they treat me in certain certain ways So I look at myself as being black first Then a man because if they look at me as black first And just using that as an example if I open the door for you as a man It's like it almost kind of tears down the stereotype of being black Because it's like oh well he opened the door for me as a black man You know as a black man, so I would look at myself as black first What are your thoughts on feminism? Oh Take your time Let him use you You know Thoughts on feminism as a you know, and would I consider myself a feminist? No Do I still feel like there are certain things that I would like absolutely? But can I sit here and say that I'm equally To a man or anything. So there's some things I don't want to do. I don't want to take out the trash I don't want to fill up my gas tank. There's certain things I am totally fine with being underneath you so that you could do it first like I just there's certain things I don't want to do and you know If that means that I have to be Like I'm not like I I can't consider I wouldn't say I'm a feminist But do I still feel like if I'm doing the job that you're doing should I get equally absolutely because I do that job And a lot of women we do a lot More because we having to prove ourselves in the job market and stuff like that. So yeah, I want to come to equal pay Yeah, I'm an equal pay, but what I consider myself a feminist. I wouldn't say that I wouldn't because I still want my husband to take out the trash and I don't want to touch it I still want him to fill up my gas tank. I still want him to cut the grass Even outside doing the cars or anything. I don't I don't want to do it. It's it's not my job get somebody else Keep it real with you. I want to live better eat better I want to love better sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned