 بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على خير خلق الله محمد وعلى آل بيته الطيبين الطاهرين هناك so many challenges in the west while raising the kids so many questions has to be so many questions have to be asked proper answers needed those challenges are creating so many issues and bad consequences in the society so who is responsible we are not here to blame the mother or the father but we are here to discuss the role of the father the role of the mother of having a good this good function of family a family that is living in peace a family that lives in tranquility a family that is very homogeneous a family that each member انا knows his or her responsibility and supportive to the other a family that is not another burden on the society a family that once it is improved the society is improved so who is responsible what's going on with our lives when your kid is reaching 18 years old 15 years old we start seeing the parents rushing to the centers to the masks to the oh my kid is not good oh my good my kid does not pray oh my good you know doing drugs my kid doing this so many issues so many problems so what's the solution the others and sisters we have so many things to talk about but I want to pick couple points first we have to find the preemptive solutions from the beginning before you get married as I said before before getting married pick the proper wife and you pick the proper husband do not just be deceived by materialistics go beyond that do not just follow your emotion also rational thinking is needed do not just listen to your friends also consider what your parents are telling you maybe sometimes the peer pressure is not going to make you think it properly nothing wrong with it if you take a pen and a paper or use your computer nowadays ipad no no galaxy whatever and write down the features that you think is going to build a good family and is going to make my marriage lasting functional one good one constructive one that's going to stay giving me and my kids love and mercy nothing wrong with that it's not you buy a TV you can return it it is a very divine responsibility but let's say on on the top of that you have to think about also the environment the environment one of the issues we have okay we have a person let's say in Europe or USA he only knows English he might know a couple words in Arabic he wants to get married he go let's say to Iraq Lebanon Syria any Arabic country picks a wife or you know he is rich or he is all set so the wife or has a future wife that lady will say oh this is a good choice do you know English no I'm French educated or maybe no French no English yet oh you know what marriage is good you know everything is good guess what give it sometimes there is no communication they do not know how to communicate with each other different languages so this is also a factor you have to think of maybe the guy is very polite very good very pious but that's not good enough maybe he has very good faith but he is not intelligent intelligent I'm talking about common stuff I'm not talking about to be a genius having a degree that does not mean he is logical and so many things so you keep this in mind this is a pre-emptive step but let's say now we are married and I need now I have kids and I need to take care of them and I don't want to be like this آيا فخلفة من بعض من بعدهم خلفون after them a generation came they did not pray they did not pay خمس they were not nice with the poor they did not give out a charity we don't want to be like this I want my offspring my kids to continue my message to be close to my faith not to be different culture different background different yes there is a challenge brothers and sisters that is impossible no matter what you do your kids will be like you it's impossible it's impossible and that's why we have some narrations from Imam عليه السلام said do not raise your kids when you're raising your kids do not use the same tools and expect the same consequences that you used to have when you were young some people they say oh that's a good excuse so if I used to be محجبة putting a scarf no I don't want to be محجبة now because the Imam is saying this generation has different rules different rituals than the previous generation no Imam is not talking about this Imam is not talking about core values Imam is not talking about important Islamic rulings Imam is talking about certain traditions if you used to like football that does not mean your son has to like football maybe you like different game so you do not force him to enjoy what you used to enjoy talking about traditional stuff because tradition could get complicated could change but if you used to be honest that does not mean to let him lie these people sometimes they mess it up or they want to mess it up they want not to get a right now everyone has his own there is a room for flexibility but not when it comes to the core beliefs testing lying going to Hajj paying being honest lying is haram being honest you have to be not cheating so many things you cannot change them those they have been from Adam all the time all the way to this time so this is you keep it in mind if you like certain colors if you like if you like certain fashion if you like certain traditions that does not mean your kids they are going to like it so be aware the Imam saying be aware be a little bit flexible that's it that's the idea but not to appoint and here we start the important things you are careless not to appoint you do not supervise what's going on not to appoint you are detached from your kids life when you have kids that means first of all you have to find the proper environment from the proper environment for everyone of them for you for your life for you for the kids as a father what's your responsibility well as you know in Islam as a father as a husband first you have set of responsibilities it is your responsibility to find a proper house for your wife and for your kids it is your responsibility to go find a job and get the money to spend it on your wife and your kids whenever it is whenever you are obligated it is your whenever you have to it is your responsibility to take care of your wife to get her the proper clothes proper medication and so many things you know which is here let me talk about this little bit some people they think Islam what's Islam Islam is down degrading women really how could that be oh you know a person women in Islam has no rights we are going to talk about this later on who said women in Islam has no more no rights who said that as a wife in Islam you have maybe rights more than what other civilizations are offering you or other legislations are offering you as a wife you don't have to work that does not mean you are not allowed to work you don't have to work but it's up to you and let's say if you work then that money is yours the husband has no right to touch it is in your account period it's up to you whether you want to spend it on the family or not but it is not up to the husband to hide his money and make you hungry or starve he has to find a job to bring food and put it on the table he has to find a job so you can address properly so you can have the proper living proper house or apartment it's his job it's up to you whether you want to cook or not it's up to you whether you want to clean the house or not it's up to you whether you want to wash the dishes or not it's up to you whether you want to best feed your kids or not and if you want to ask for return you have the right no one is forcing you but why we usually do it and here we start seeing why our families are dysfunctional because brothers and sisters I cannot make my house as a court according to law number one you do this according to law number two you do this this family will never run from the beginning I know life is very challenging and I know so many challenges are going to face my kids especially when I'm raising them I have so many intruders in my house from Internet I have Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Internet itself all this they do not contain all the time pure good information some of them are bad so if I'm working and my wife is working who's taking care of the kids the maid well then the maid is the mother and set in terms of life yes the man has to sacrifice and the woman has to sacrifice maybe they have to work but not to appoint guys not to appoint you know will be like other guys brothers and sisters we have to be very careful here so what if I make money and I'm losing my kids so what if my wife is working in a company babysitting a computer and my kids I'm babysitting them with someone else is that life as I said sometimes there is a need super need that's the first story but if I'm working and my wife is working is not making money collecting money to spend it on something not that critical no save the money because at the moment you have to work less so you have more time to spend with your kids this is the proper formula and therefore we have responsibilities from the father side and we have responsibilities from the mother side so from the beginning I will tell my wife when my kids reach certain age please consider that you are going to take care of the house as companies you have in companies I might have a manager a project manager and I will have a functional manager in the way I'm raising my kids I am the project manager and you are the functional manager you are very critical in the house my job is to provide you with the sustenance my job is to deal with people outside to find the proper legal money so you spend it properly and you take care of the kids the bird cannot fly with one wing it needs two wings and they have to be balanced someone inside and someone outside if both start working outside and no good person no good family member is taking care of the kids and the kids are 24 hours on TV and internet access what do you think is like they say this is a joke one time the mom took a day off usually she used to go to work so the kids all the time are with the maid or with a babysitter with everyone I call it nowadays different culture different you know naming for some people they have a maid in certain countries some people they have babysitter or a family member maybe so that lady took a day off and she was happy during her day off because today she can meet her kids when they come back from school guess what she went with her maid or her babysitter family member she went outside waiting for the bus school bus guess what the kids they came out of the bus happy rushing toward her she thought wow those my kids so she opened her hands to hug them and guess what the kids were opening their hands to hug the babysitter not the mom very disappointing very disappointing when your kids call the babysitter mom and listen to her and they do not listen to you that's very dangerous so the mom has to know her responsibilities if you are sitting home that's not something to be that's not I'm not down degrading you Islam is saying you're doing a sacred job you're doing more important things than being a worker or an employee in a company over there you are helping the company to make more money and you are making more money so you can spend more better car bigger house better TV most of the time more money is just to waste Islam is telling you why you want to do this yeah it is your call you are free to do whatever you want but rather than spending your time and killing your youth in being an employee for your boss or for their company why don't you hire yourself in a more sacred productive supportive thing which is what raising your kids being with them helping them teaching them giving them your experience showing them the right from the wrong so at a point when you are old there is strong connection between you and them they will never leave you alone but if you used to leave them definitely there is a time they are going to leave you too which is now more important we used to ask this question brother and sister I personally asked so many people about this I was working in a company and I asked a lady what time you show up here she said 7 said what about your kids she said oh they are with the babysitter so you are babysitting the computers and someone else is babysitting your kids and then when they are old you question well how come they leave you or how come they do not care about you imagine someone mentioned a story for me one that was in Detroit Michigan he said his neighbor was so happy so he asked her why he said oh my son send me a greeting card 35-45 cents maybe really she was very happy he said wow must be a nice guy what does he live oh he live on the east side I live on the west side this is it he does not even have time to visit his mom why because his mom does not have enough time to be with him this is not accepted this is not right this is not going to take us to anywhere no one can raise your kid as you do and no one will give them the kindness that you have it is wrong to consider being with your kids something not right no well you can work part time if you are in need but once your kids are home this is a sacred time brothers and sisters we sit together if we can eat lunch together that would be great if not lunch dinner breakfast we show that we are one family and being with them is not just to sit and they are sitting and you open the TV this is also not right you go to some families they all surrounding the TV as if they are saying or as if they were saying إياك نعبدو وإياك نستعين we worship you and we get the support from you we usually say that to Allah سبحانه وتعالى إياك نعبدو وإياك نستعين we only worship you and we only get the support from you we come to a point no we do this to the TV all the family members are surrounding and watching the surrounding the TV so that's TV, poor TV is the source of communication no one is talking to anyone we are only listening to one source and keep in mind من أصغى إلى نعتق فقد عدده when you are listening to someone you are worshiping him this is a process of worshiping let me say if I want to translate it right if that person is talking right then you are worshiping God if he is talking in a bad way saying bad things then you are worshiping the devil and the TV is the same thing brothers and sisters أقول قولي هذا وأستغفر الله لي ولكم آخر دعوانا أن الحمد لله رب العالمين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته