 I think what's really important is that a person feels accepted and they feel safe because this is happening for a reason, so if somebody isn't speaking it's happening for a reason and whilst it's important to meet the person where they are, so you know if it's a child that's absolutely stunned into their own silence we need to help them with that but how we help them might not start off by looking at speaking so I think you know I speak to a lot of parents who can feel very out of control and the way that they try and take control the way that they try and help is say come on speak to me I want to hear what you've got to say and actually that person can communicate what they want to say without saying without actually speaking and so for me I would very much say that a person needs to feel safe they need to feel understood and they need to find their own ways of communicating I think we have to be very aware to not reinforce the idea of perpetuating safety behaviors silence is one of them but to enable the person to make the changes that they want to make and you know a good question to start with might be like do you want to do you want to talk right now is that something you want to work towards and and establishing where that person is in that relationship so you're on the same page at the same time and you can do that in a number of different ways you know flashcards with full writing or you know eye movement and all those kinds of things and so I think I think safety and relationship is really really important but I think everybody's different and I think it's about you know taking the time to understand that in that given moment and seeing it as an opportunity because some of the most the deepest connections we can develop between other humans can happen in those moments of silence so not to be afraid of them really because if we're supporting someone you know especially kind of parents or teachers we can we can perpetuate the fear by being scared ourselves whereas actually we can you know we can embrace that person and all that they are and and help them and we just have to see the opportunities as they're presented to us