 Fantastic skill. Thanks again for coming out and to help close us out. We have Bill Bill Cheswick who's uh, I don't know if I even need to introduce you. It seems like you've been you've been doing this forever security internet Long history building networks and internet and everything else in between. I'm gonna tell all those stories tonight So I don't have to tell them for you. No, they'll get it from the horse's mouth. Well, there you go Thanks so much. Bill appreciate you coming out. Thank you. Thank you. Ah Let's see. Uh, first of all testing zero one two. Yeah microphone works Menomena, oh good the audience works Okay Normally when I give a talk the slides are all there The jokes are baked in I know how long it's gonna take because I've given it before first time not so much But it's still slide driven. This one isn't It was told to me as a keynote now I have given keynotes before and They're always at the beginning of the conference and the idea is if it's a conference on cattle rustling I will talk about cattle rustling and then for the rest of the conference I'll get feedback and chat with you folks and set the tone for it But here, what am I setting the tone for the rest of your lives? Well, yes, in fact, I'm gonna do some of that. I'm 72 years old. I'm retired I have a vision of your future and I'm gonna tell you a little bit about what it's like and what I did right and wrong and what you should do You know when you're retired every day Saturday Except for those confusing days when the stores are closed and it turns out they're annoying things like Christmas and New Year's So I have I'll get to the start in the moment. This is what I've done differently. I People have been telling me chess. This is a fireside chat. Just tell stories. They want to hear fine I got a jillion of them, but I've been trying to arrange this talk in my mind as sort of a biography Going through the steps in my life and there are just too many things to cover and I'm not gonna get to them Well, let me rephrase that I don't plan to stop in an hour if they if they kick me out fine I don't think they will and otherwise I'll do what Garrison Keeler does. I'll hang around until you guys are tired of me So if you're making a flight to Denver, well, you maybe you can catch it online So The one of the things I want to avoid is I've got a lot of stories And when I'm on a very nice seat on a flight back to New Jersey tomorrow I don't want to have to say. Oh, I forgot to talk about Richard Clark and Moderating Richard Stallman and so I made a list at four o'clock this morning because I'm an old guy on the farm from New Jersey on the West Coast and I made a list of stuff I don't want to forget to tell you and what we could do is just go through the list But I'm gonna try to settle little stuff, but first of all When I was working for Lumetta, we were doing network scans And we went down to the White House to try to sell network intranet scans for the White House And they sent us over to the old executive office building Where Richard Clark has a place that's the big building just to the west of the White House And it has the Indian Treaty room and so on it's where people who don't fit in the White House go and I brought something with me you see One of my friends from the past was Bob Morris who was chief scientist at NSA Boy, do you want to learn security hang out with the chief scientist at NSA? Yet one of the things he said is that security people are paid to think bad ideas and That's true. Isn't it? You know, what if this bad thing happened and He told the story. I'm getting deep into this and I haven't even started yet He told the story about the Gulf War the first Gulf War and for those of you who are old enough to remember it There was a picture from a jet or something of a bridge crossing the river in Baghdad and They called it the luckiest man in Baghdad and what we see is a crosshairs on the middle of the bridge and a truck drives Through the crosshairs and then the comment is here's what he saw in his rear view mirror and the bridge blew up Well Bob Morris had more information on that that bridge was not blown up to destroy Rush hour of traffic in Baghdad. There was a fiber optic cable underneath that bridge. They wanted to cut So the Iraqis would have to use radios Which are as much more in NSA's line of work. This is touching me just so slightly there we go. Okay, and This of course is a trick that goes back at least to World War two and I had been collecting the internet mapping project, which is something on now I'm popping my piece the internet mapping project for quite a while and I went and we what it is briefly is 100,000 trace routes every morning to all over the internet saved up and with DNS queries By the way that database I have it for like 14 years. That's available to people who want to have it I think it's available on bit or it if you want it ask me. I'll get it to you somehow I think it's a rare snapshot of the internet at an interesting time But I went through and I gripped for all the trace routes that included one hop that had Iran in it Okay, and then I laid that out as a separate map and I said if there's only one or two connections over the last six months that gets red and All the other ones are blue. You don't do red and green. They're colorblind people in here They'll thank you not to make that mistake There you go I care about visibility and so on by the way people many of you use fonts that are too small This is what's wrong with scale. You can't read them from the back And I tell you this it's not because I'm old because my eyes are newer than yours. I had cataracts. Yes, and The new lenses give me 2015 vision So it wasn't an old guy in the back who's complaining about visit doing it Your fonts are too small and also in the handout sheets, which not got one here Folks you don't do black on light dark gray. You need okay so anyway, I care about this sort of thing and as you can see I've done some work and visualization and I Also do grumpy reviews of papers when the fonts are too small or they do something like that. Anyway. Oh, where was I? I was going back. Oh, I knew this is gonna happen Around okay, so I printed out a map That showed the rare connections in red because those are probably the backup connections And you know, there's nothing more patient than a computer running a cron job every day for half a year and Occasionally it got unusual paths. So this showed the paths to Iran from the US that were rare and there we are in the office of Richard Clark who was security czar for the country at during the bush 43 I think and I Said I got something for you and I spread this out I said this is a map of all the paths to Iran including the rare ones in red And he looked over it and he said I've been asking for this for six months Then he looked at me and said is this classified I Said I'm just a guy from New Jersey My guess is 60 70% of the people in this room could have written that software and run it for six months and produce that map You have great power And that's one of my one of the things I'm saying if we were interested in nuclear energy You're not you're not gonna do so much with thorium. Are ya? But but we own the network to give you another example to digress because I'm gonna do that all night night day whatever The the Melissa virus Which attacked Windows web servers? I think was apparently written by some guy in the Philippines He became a national hero is my understanding. Yeah, our guy ruined computers Okay, so that was the Richard Clark story moderating Stalman. This is this is shorter Went to the Renaissance weekend. I got invited there because of the book and we'll talk about that some more and Renaissance weekend is a whole bunch of high achievers sitting around talking in groups and having deep discussions about politics and religion and history and science and all sorts of stuff and Richard was invited because you know He's a MacArthur winner that they'd like that kind of people and I was moderating the panel Now I've gotten pretty good at moderating panels I've been going to Renaissance weekend for 25 years or something like that and you know how you run the panel and so on The idea is you've got eight people on the panel They each spot speak for three minutes on whatever the topic is and then we discuss it and The common joke is how can I tell them everything? I know in three minutes and the Renaissance weekend answer is Speak very slowly Anyway, Richard was on my panel. He wasn't talking. He had a computer open on his lap and I was great and the conversation I don't remember exactly how this went but somebody was talking about MPEG players and Richard Piped up and said you shouldn't have an MPEG player You should have a regular general-purpose PC running MPEG player software and the guy said but this is the right form factor I don't you don't know what you're talking about and he stormed out of the room Now for those of you who know Richard, this is not particularly surprising Suddenly there was a loud bang. Did he bang his head against the wall? He stormed back in yelled at the guy a little bit and left the weekend So there you are. Those are the two stories there Now we can get down to the regularity scheduled notes, which is much too long First of all, I want to mention That Casey Handmer gave the previous keynote He's very optimistic on the future and I agree with virtually everything He said for the same reasons and I'll get into it. I love living in the future and why do I say that? well, I Started out. It was born in 1952 This was only Little bit after the end of World War two my father was a lead navigator and B 17s So I'm watching that TV show with great interest because it matches it I've actually flown in a B 17 down the Hudson River and I've had the Statue of Liberty in the northern bomb site Pretty cool, huh? We didn't have any bombs nor did I have any skills nor would he have turned the airplane over to my control but still so I was Late in the 50s was Sputnik and Sputnik completely alarmed the country. Oh my god The Russians are beating us. We need to get better at science and there was this giant push to get science on the third grade book store had lots of science books and of course the world was full of cool new things going Let me look at that list There were you could cook with with Radar and the food would get hot, but the plate wouldn't holy smokes Rockets were exploding, but some of them were going into orbit and soon we were putting people in dogs and people in orbit This is the future coming You know that the Jetsons were on TV There's there's There's all kinds of stuff going on. There's new medicines Vaccines I knew people who had polio and In fact five years before I was born there was a big vaccine push for smallpox in New York City Because there had been an outbreak I Got the measles the mumps and a bad case of the chicken pox as a kid I am probably the most pro-vax person you will ever meet. I think it is one of the great inventions of mankind Yes, I know sometimes people get hurt And I'm sorry, you know, yes a few per million get hurt by it and they get hurt badly and that's okay This is this is a trade-off. We need to do But we were getting these things. I by the way, I first got the shot Back around 1958. Ew. I mean, I was a six-year-old, you know, too cool. That's the Salk vaccine. That's the IPV That's the one you want to get and then we moved to a new school a new place and in around 1961 I got the Saban ooh a sugar cube. That was the oral one that they send out That's the one that's slightly broken right now and it's why we still have polio out there It's it'd be nice to fix but it's hard to get the IPV out to various parts of the world Anyway, this was all going on and there was science. I was reading Walter Sullivan in the New York Times Oh, they launched a satellite. You could see it was this dot going across the sky turned out to be a hundred meter diameter Balloon that they were bouncing radio waves off of and if you wanted to know when to see it You go to the second the last page of the New York Times and they'd say echo one is passing at 645 today You know for to the northeast and you could go out and see a satellite and orbit. Oh, Jesus. So cool Oh, there were other things too. There were nuclear tests. Oh, yeah, we had an atom test in Nevada yesterday You know, we're a little worried about the straw name 90 and the milk and children There were computers coming giant ones There were lasers Which of course where it came from masers, which are not nearly as impressive who cares about Coherent microwave radiation. You can't see it. You can't chase it cat with it, you know, that sort of stuff so Sputnik went up and I basically became a science guy and I absolutely mean that in the Bill Nye sense of the word Oh, I should mention Bill Nye. He went to those weekends and I spent An hour or one day walking down the beach with Bill Nye He was an avionics engineer for the 747 and we had a nice geeky technical talk about that Also, he stood this was a on Hilton head He stood in a room in a hotel with the ocean over his shoulder and said we're running out of water And I said Bill It's right out there. I Found some now it turns out it's not quite that easy and he knew damn well that by the way You know the problem with the reverse osmosis is that the boron ions get through It filters out viruses and sodiums and chlorines, but boron gets through and you don't want boron ions on your plants And I'm not sure how they actually deal with that with agriculture Anyway, so I was a science guy. My mom bought me a microscope a telescope Chemistry set I Went out to the hardware store and expanded the breadth of the chemistry set A neighbor gave me a couple of books of college chemistry. Oh my god I developed film black and white film in the attic. There was no running water had to get out and was the attic was up at this height and stuff But I was a I was a science guy. I'm still sore in fifth grade Mr. Lucas had a test on astronomy that said true or false everything you see in the sky is in our galaxy And I said false and he marked me wrong Damn it. You can see Andromeda with a naked eye and I'm still sore about that In sixth grade my report card said Bill probably knows more science than his teacher Now I was proud as hell about that But looking back I was in Darian, Connecticut. This was not a cheap place to live They should have had that covered and of course they They tend to now we'll get back to that one. So I was gonna be a chemist in junior high I found the wonders of lie which you can get in the grocery store. That stuff's nasty But I was careful My parents let me get sulfuric acid and nitric acid Which is all you need to nitrate stuff like cellulose toluene didn't have any toluene glycerin Now as you can see I'm okay. I met a guy from New Zealand who looked like this and He said that the beaker of the nitroglycerin he just made turned a deep red That's nitrous oxide and then exploded an embedded glass in the ceiling Okay, I did not do that and in fact to this day I still wonder I have those two acids at my farm What is the largest amount of nitroglycerin? I dare to make and The answer is about a cubic millimeter as long as I don't use class wear Now I've had no training in explosives You know you get someone from the military who's had those classes They could tell you what a big pile of nitroglycerin looks like You also don't want to mess with it because it's in it's neuro active. It does things to you It's actually a neuro transmitter and people who work in nitroglycerin factories get headaches and expand You know, it's used for the heart. Anyway, I Remember the college chemistry textbook said was talking about sulfuric acid, which is very interesting course in chemistry sets What you got was sodium bisulfate, which turns out to be a mild Dry form containing sulfuric acid. That's where the acid is in your chemistry set and they they said something which I thought of this morning the Amount of sulfuric acid produced by a country is a good measure of its wealth and its industry effective industry and we heard this morning from oh God the speaker I mentioned before I forget names that electricity energy Consonant use is a good measure of society and I agree with that I have since been thinking of Long time ago. I said sulfuric acid might be it, but it's really the energy consumption The energy is so we don't have to pull the plows ourselves and that sort of thing. You really want to be good at energy Okay, so chemist junior high Sulfuric acid and we played with mercury. It's fun. It's cold. It sort of wiggles around you drop some in the rug You know, okay, so maybe it cost me a few IQ points I had a lot of friends over playing with mercury I Was reading lots of sci-fi. Oh God has them off Heinlein Clark All of them all the golden age ones and I was jazzed. I'm rereading them now in my retirement He's holed up really well and of course. I'm a little smarter about things. I guess Toby Whitakum and I took some of that sulfuric that some of that sodium hydroxide and we had a little Little box made of refractory material and we got a little cyclone of propane torches going and we melted some sodium hydroxide This stuff is lie. It is caustic as hell and it's especially caustic as hell if you melt it It's like two three hundred degrees centigrade and then I took the little DC power supply from my little racing cars and put them in there and at one This would be the cathode you get little round balls of sodium metal Skittering around the surface and then popping as it hits the air at the other one You got a spattering storm of oxygen Which sprayed sodium hydroxide into the air? So we did that also I went to the photo shop and got some potassium bromide Well, you want to see bromine? Well, you need to make chlorine. Well, that's easy Look at any Clorox bottle for the warnings You know you can release the chlorine from that easily and if you release chlorine and there's bromine around the chlorine We'll go where the bromine is and the bromine will come out So I distilled some bromine. I had a chemistry professor in high school said oh bromine bromine is almost as bad as phosphorus But all my fingers I was careful Okay, so I was gonna be a chemist when I grew up it's explosives I yes, of course we made a little bits of stuff and Microscope, you know went went down to the pond and looked at little little things floating around and so on red scientific American Big amateur scientist fan. I was never going to make an atom smasher But I knew all the steps and I learned a lot of vacuum physics About how one would do that and corona discharge turns out the atom smasher was driven by the voltage from a vandagraph generator Pretty cool. They also showed you how to bail built a laser Re-read yeah science classes chemistry bacteriology in junior high. I actually got quite an interest in English class. I had a professor Who showed us movies? National Film Board of Canada for those of you well, I'm in SoCal They're probably a bunch of people in the National Film Board of Canada these these little shorts of clever movies Then we watched a bunch of them and we would write about them. It turned out. I think it's fair to call that a creative writing class and One of my classmates was Gus Van Sant and He has agreed that that class was part of what got him going and I'm not surprised Another another friend of mine there made a movie called born loser, which was animated paper stuff and I helped with him and We showed that to the school Gus got to see my first movie before I saw his first movie and The career I learned at a reunion a few years ago that that guy Who I helped do that committed suicide about two years later? All right So ninth grade comes and goes and my parents say you're going to Lawrenceville There are too many drugs at Darien high school. Well, they didn't talk to me about this I have had a lifelong policy of not taking drugs I don't mean medical drugs. I mean mind-altering stuff. It's hard enough to keep a clear mind as it is I wouldn't have touched it and of course Lawrenceville had some drugs not a lot So to get to ha ha, let's see space Okay, retired. Okay, so I retired in 2012 We'll get back to this in a moment But these slides don't quite go together and my wife said I need more sunlight for my plants She's a biologist the botanist and so we moved to this farm in Flemington, New Jersey For those who don't know Flemington is in Western, New Jersey You probably many of you may not know New Jersey is big enough to have a Western part But it does it's about 10 miles from the Pennsylvania border It's a lovely place and I sent the drone up during the color season. It's very nice This is a farther away view boy. I love living in the futures You can have a giant screen like this from Costco for almost nothing and there are no missing pixels Which was the big deal with screens then 20 years ago. Oh, it looks beautiful. This is better than up there And that's pretty much all ours. What can you see? You can see the main farmhouse the western field the eastern field and then the two close fields are a neighbor You can also see the wetlands down there on the left We that's right next to the south branch of the raritan river That means that we've got 50 acres of ground water So when people from California come out to visit I say go ahead and take as long a shower as you want We have plenty of water. We will have water when the rest of the world is dry and By the way, the water goes down the drain and goes back into the septic system and down into the ground So we're even reusing it Also of interest are two train rail lines one is a little one that curls around our property And the other is the Lehigh Valley freight line Which is just close enough to be interesting but not so close that our house lives are a Woody Allen movie of jangling stuff and You can see this is what it looks like that field sometimes floods We installed the geodesic dome Greenhouse There are banana trees in that greenhouse. I Have had fresh New Jersey bananas and that's the honey house and You know so on anyway That those are beehives just a little Up and left of center. My wife keeps bees and chickens. What do I do? I'm the Eva Gabor on the farm Darling give me Park Avenue. I'll run the mower I'll fix the Wi-Fi. I'll I'll watch TV. Well, not TV. We don't have TV We have we have something newer and of course we have this. Oh, come on. You got to go. I make it go How do I make it go? It's keynote. It's supposed to go automatically up arrow. Nope There we go. Oh, I do have sound, but you don't care Oh, look at that. We got a special engine going by we get about 20 25 of these a day I'm told this is the busiest freight line out of New York and we see empty cars Not having Alcohol in them and then full cars bringing the alcohol for the gasoline. It's interesting during COVID They said we're running out of alcohol for hand sanitizer And I say we just had a train go by with 50 cars full of ethanol. You think you might use that? Anyway, and we have wildlife You know, yeah, we got foxes. We've got bald eagles We've got a million rodents. We've got about a hundred pounds of ticks And yes, they each come with lime. I've had lime twice It's not worth it. Um Here are a couple of our beehives So you can do an interesting project with beehives. You can do a few of them. I'm going to dive I'm going to slide into another part of this talk while this is here Because I've been thinking about beehives. What can you do with beehives? Well, first of all Underneath the beehive Especially you can see it on the left is a scale You can get that from broodminder that scale Measures the weight And it runs for a year on one battery and has low power bluetooth And you come up to this thing with a your ios device or whatever and it'll tell you how the weight is changed You can tell when the bees come and go you can tell when the honey is building up this is pretty cool and Uh But and I've played with some of that the other thing is How many bees are in the hive? Do you know how you count bees in a hive? Well, you can open it up and take all the things out Or you can dump it on the ground and have a grad student count the bees But my hypothesis is if you count the number of bees coming and going to the hive the hive activity You can that probably correlates to the number of working bees inside And that actually might be something that people who professionally use bees like blueberry farmers and almond farmers might want to know because If you've got a few acres of blueberries, do you have enough beehives? Are they all working? How about measuring that no beehive people? People who own beehives are notoriously cheap. I don't think you're gonna get rich doing this But one of the projects I have one of my mentees doing Is trying to trace the bees find out which direction they go and count them And that might be interesting raw data for research The other thing is i'm working with a charming lady a phd who's an expert in 3d stuff You have two cameras Two grow pros. I went to cosco and got two grow pros and set it up And you record the bees flying around from far away And then she takes the data and figures out the 3d positions of the bees and their path through the air Now you've got a 3d set of flight paths Sort of ropes to find out where the bees are going That might be interesting. Wouldn't that be cool to see? Well, I've been sending her various things she needs. She hasn't quite got it yet, but she has a cute little kid So maybe she's busy. Anyway, that's one of the projects I have in mind um I'm sorry. Agent. I'm blanking on the the other one. Okay. Well, we'll we'll get back to that one. All right So Friday morning Michael Cotay asked what kind of car is to require it the retired security researchers drive? Well, I can tell you oh god I can tell you we have a pickup on the farm We have a mazda miata, which this one I bought in 96 from the book sales. We'll get into the book sales However, we don't have this anymore. I had that for 27 years and boy, was it fun You know a miata is like an mg without the oil stain underneath But this had enough things breaking that I got a new one last year. I don't have a picture of it It's that Newark airport right now. I hope We got a tesla 10 years ago. This is a model s This has actually been across country a couple times It has been charged in freemont at the home factory. I've traveled around with it. It's lovely It's a golf cart with leather leather seats And we have free charging for life Which is I love living in the future. In fact, there is a place in allentown pennsylvania that I used to go to When I lived in that area that has really great chocolates and other candies and stuff and I'd go in there I still go back there sometime, but I never dreamed in 1975 that in 30 years I not only would get candy. I would get free electricity for my electric car And I love living in the future. Holy smokes. I never guessed this So we bought farms. So did marcus random and dan gear Both of whom you might consider as speakers marcus. I mean these are well-known people I think dan's on a horse farm in Tennessee last I knew marcus is practicing with his 50 cal rifle on a farm in north central pennsylvania. That's marcus for you Okay, so i'm a boomer from the 50s, which means I have to tell you kids these days When I went to college we had to walk up hill from class to our dorms in the snow barefoot Okay The we is wrong. That was me I liked walking barefoot and I did it at least twice Okay, how did this happen? Am I just a raving moron? No, I'm someone happy barefoot still prefer it There you go. These are my microsoft socks I'm happier barefoot, which you don't do on a farm if you listen to this week in parasitology uh, so um So how how come because in the morning I'd come down I'd go into packard lab the big box with a computer in it I'd work with a computer all day long. I'd get out at three o'clock and six inches of snow had fallen What am I going to do? There's no uber. Am I going to call a cab? I'm a student a little bit stupid, maybe I walked up the hill barefoot in the snow. It was cold, but I wasn't losing anything. Don't try this in fairbanks folks uh And really the only problem is if you run into ice because you know the bottom of your feet are not really the best traction for ice So I did that a couple times. Anyway, now you've got the the joke about the boomer Junior high. Where am I? Let's see. All right Okay Oh, okay junior high. I told you about already Then I went to laurenceville Where there were drugs, but I didn't have any And while I was there There was a model 33 teletype in the corner of a math room and I thought Computers they're the wave of the future. I should learn a little bit about them and the teacher Dr. Tiernan had taken a class in computing that summer So he know a little bit about computer. He's great at calculus And he taught us how to use this basic. This was dartmouth basic It also had algal and fortran in it, but we use basic And a few of us caught the computer bug real bad real fast. You know how this is By the way According to edgster dykstra the grumpy dutchman If you learn basic as your first language, you are permanently polluted. You're never going to be any good at computing Fortunately while he was grumpy. He overstated it. It's not not so bad And I know a lot of dutchmen now. I've had a lovely career visiting the Netherlands are my peeps So One of the things I did in english class was I did this Something like this it was frumius and the toll g jabberwock The turtle and guyer in the wave all mangsome were the jump jump bird and the mimsy bander snatch frumius Okay, this is weird an odd thing to hand in to the english teacher. He was not impressed He said those words are supposed to frame the poem and so on but i'm looking back on this and It was back quote adjective and the adjective noun did verb and verb in the place All adjective were the noun and the adjective noun adjective Now I wrote that in basic with little f na's and f n j's and that sort of stuff By the way back quotes. Yeah, that's boomer software. I've had someone tell me no We use dollar side currently braces now. No, sorry back quotes are good I have more to say about buck quotes actually and you can see The noun command Uses a here document Uses the unsort command And grabs want the first entry from the unsort command. Is everyone following me except maybe the guard who's watching okay And I similarly for verbs and adjectives Now let's talk about this unsort command. Have you ever seen an unsort command before you've studied sorting You know all the different ways Unsort this was actually convenient How would how would you unsort? This is not a bad early Filtering question Well, you do it like this you make a random number You put it at the beginning of the line You add a tab you put the contents of the line You sort the thing numerically and you remove the number and the space and now you've got an unsort command Could this possibly be useful elsewhere? Just wait. I'm not looking at my watch, but it's coming and later I look back when you're retired you look back and see parts of your Parts of your history that rhyme. I had no idea. I was making crappy passwords back in english class This this actually This is the insult program it was written by ron harden a mathematician at bell labs They spent a lot of time Running the cray over parts of the oed and doing interesting things with it And one of them was he came out with this Now this is it's up there. It's it's available. I understand it appeared on boing boing like three days ago It's been up there for 15 years. I've been getting laughs from people in password talks for a long time I mean, first of all, this can teach you new language Secondly, it sure as hell is safe for work And if it isn't I want to know where you're working It has about 42 bits of entropy I thought that bell labs when you called the labs maybe if there was hold music it should be text to speech Saying these insults That's the sort of attitude we had in one one two seven, but I did not Do it. I did not do that. Yeah boing boing a few days ago There's the entropy adjectives words bits. Oh, this was this was for the other one and uh, you know 33 bits Anyway, so lehigh I went as a chem major Cool. Okay. I'm going to be a chemist lehigh's got chemistry. It's a fine engineering school And there's packard lab. I where the computer was not the chem department named after asa packer the entrepreneur and founder lehigh And they had a cdc 6400. That's a mainframe cost about two million dollars Let me tell you a little more about the cdc 64 and it's a batch machine. I've been using dart myth basic Someday you'll be able to hold one of these in your palm of your hand while you poop and of course it was one or two mips This thing this beautiful iphone has more power than the eight million dollar cray we had at bell labs in 1990 You know, it has more storage more more compute power more floating point instructions more of everything less what Less beer. I've never seen anyone put the that would be in the near the floor in there Yeah Yes, that's true. There's certainly no beer in this. Okay, so I have arrived there and cdc has a batch system You submit cards it goes through it prints out and cycle rinse repeat that's your life for the length of this thing and You you want to get your cards through and everything fast and you know, there's all those tricks I'm not going to talk about that stuff Um, because I wanted to use the time-sharing system was basically their batch commands Through a teletype and it was really awful It wasn't nearly as good as the dart myth system And I had just been learning the assembler And the assembler assemblers back then in those days were amazing And you're going to get a sense of that in the next few minutes This is not something you see nowadays. It's not like the m4 macro processor It I and in fact, I look at this code and say I don't remember how this works Uh, but I was very proud of this, you know, you go through your career and think of projects you did and And some of them were oh man, that was just great. This is one of them senator um The the point was when you type run You have a file that's named something dot four. So it's a 4j program if you type run then the run command takes certain parameters and Then you run it through Here are the macros There will not to quote the unix kernel This won't be on the test. You're not expected to understand this This there's micros there's string stuff and oh god This is one macro the css macro. What does it look like? Looks like this Fortran Run this is the top one you use something that says you rewind your rfl to cfl you run the ftn compiler You may if debug you go to debugging. Otherwise you run ftn again. I don't know why and you do copy possible copies And then you execute Okay, that is all under the hood and I sat there writing this thing through a lot of my undergraduate career And the university started using it and it went to other cdc sites It is even vaguely possible. There's someone here who worked on a cdc where senator arrived at They used it at lehigh until the cdc went away like 15 years later. I'm very proud of this um cray assembler compass um So this is an assembler Obviously someone really loved doing this sort of stuff to be able to put that in there, you know, here's pascal compilation The installation information it works on these operating systems nine-track tapes 1600 bpi vsn and and the different files on there And then Then unix came along I heard about unix. Oh, okay. I'm gonna jump around one of the projects In the ee department. We had a pdp8 And the assignment was make the lights on the front panel flash in an interesting manner Okay, that's sort of computing in art And I just built something where you put a little table of bit patterns and it ran through it So you could do whatever you wanted and don't show the the bits going And this is actually reminiscent. I'm going to jump 20 years in the future So now I have a house. I have x10 equipment I have Christmas lights and I hook up strands of lights each a single color red green yellow blue Put them on the tree and put one of the x10 controllers on each of them Now x10 will turn a branch on or off and it will also do dimming And then I had a little driver and serial port and blah blah blah You folks could figure out that out easily and then I have a little program. Okay How do you do the Christmas lights in an interesting manner? Well, and the other thing is I want it to be non tacky We're not talking tim the tool man here I want it to be subtle because you know I mean programmers can be subtle And the rule was you can have one string on or two strings on at a time When you turn one on or off you do it slowly So it might do this and you leave it that way for five minutes So I had people drive by house the house saying did you change the lights on your tree? It was green yesterday. It's red now I had anthony across the street who's going to be watching this at some point Have a party at his house and he said hey everyone look at the cheswick's tree We're going to watch and they're standing there and it's not changing. He called me and said make it change faster Which pretty good. I guess that's I guess that's not tacky And so I stopped what I was doing went down changed the c code Recompiled it installed it and ran it and he got to see it go faster later. I actually had it Show Morse code for another neighbor Which if they had watched long enough of the ons and offs They would have said hello in the name of the kid, but they didn't know what that was Anyway, that that sort of rhymed and you know, it's two parts of the career doing that All right What else do we have? Okay, we're almost done. I'm going to get back to unix, of course We're almost done with the cdc. There were two other things. I did it that I really liked That I'm really proud of first of all the cdc had 60 bit words And all the rage at the time was the game of life from john horton conway Who I later logged three hours with If you have a 60 bit word you can put one of those little guys in each bit and you could do Every four bits you could do a computation. So you could do 60 divided by four 15 computations Just with straight no if statements just little ands and ores and stuff and go down and then shift over and do it again I was computing 60 by 60 life arrays in constant time And the cdc was pretty darn quick for its speed For our booleans and the shifts and the little integers and counting the neighbors and so on I'm very pleased with that. I've not been able to find it It's too bad Of course life was a tree killer because we didn't have a screen. So we printed it out on the paper the green bar go through John conway said that the u.s. Government estimated they spent a million man hours of government time on on life But I was very pleased with that. That was a great little hack. I also made a movie Oh I forgot I made a movie at laurenceville I helped with a movie by a fellow and it was called gorgo eats miami And it was a little animated clay worm eating an abstract city and He committed suicide a couple years later So now over two At lehigh I made On my own gorgo eats miami Still okay. I didn't have any help this time I've lost the film. It was done with a camera that you take two shot two frames per click This is sort of old school Okay, so CDC did that assemblers to me Oh, so when I designed senator Their user interface questions I'd walk around the campus because it was an edit mode And I wanted to be able to search and locate and find things But what letters do I use because if I use s for search, I can't use it for substitute or something like that So I'm walking around doing UI computations. How do I make this logical? And make the format layout. I didn't know about regular expressions, but I would let you match an ellipsis Search delimiter thing double delimiter thing would look for that would be like a dot star in a In a regular expression and replace it with something else. I was very very pleased with that Um But getting ui's right really impressed me that this was really hard to do and I right up to today I still Take a very humble view of trying to get it right engineers do a crappy job That's me on an engineer and sometimes I get it right and Anyway, so uh, that was a start of that later many years later. I talked to steve borne of the borne shell Steve you got single quotes double quotes and back quotes How did you figure out what to do? This is my search locate and find question And they tried stuff and you know, they came up with what they have now I told them i'm really impressed with that that really worked well And he said chez no one has ever said that to me before That that was a little minor beautiful tour de force PDPA gorge eats miami Um, I had been doing glass blowing and running a mass spectrometer in chemistry I had a great professor there And then I found I was spending all my time at the cdc And I was taking german. I did not like german And I said i'm trying to tell myself something and switched to computer science no Lehigh didn't have computer science in the early 70s The dean and I sat down and they had a course called a career in the engineering school called fundamental science You took a whole bunch of math Information science lehigh had world-class information science Electrical engineering And since it's fundamental science you're taken biology and psychology and geology And chemistry and physics i'm a science guy. This is a degree in science guy Oh and and science philosophy of science Which is also interesting So that's my degree science guy Though if you look closely, there's a lot of electrical engineering and information science in it that that shows it But that's what it has. I was a systems programmer. That's what we called people who did stuff with a kernel on the mainframe Okay So how am I doing here? Oh god. I've almost used up an hour and i'm only at 1974 I'm going to go faster Because there's some people I know they're saying You know us old guys don't want to hear talks for more than 90 minutes for reasons My goodness see I had no idea. I think i'm about a third of the way through okay, so Unix unix came out. Well, you take the output of one program and feed it into another what you can't do that What about programs that have headers all my programs have headers? They they have page numbers because they're going on the printer You know, how can you do that headers on all these things and you notice some unix commands have headers on them In fact this one. Oh, I did that one. Okay. Oh, okay. We'll get back to that in a moment So how could this possibly work? Whoops. Whoops. I'm going the wrong way boom boom. Okay, good All right So I was a systems programmer. I ran A help run computing systems. Let's see. Oh geez I worked at the american newspaper publishers association research institute where we built a hardware spelling checker That was a microprocessor a hash function and a ccd Memory it's like a little disc. They were very expensive. I fried one by putting putting it in backwards And the idea was you're at a newspaper and you feed text in and the answer is yes. No. Yes. No using a bloom filter Uh, one of the advice I was going to give you is learn what a bloom filter is. I've used it about four times in my career It's been wonderful, but I'm not going to explain it to you here Um, it's a great way of testing to see if of sound things in the database that sort of thing. Um And also It was a circuit. I was using Lancaster's ttl cookbook. I was doing stuff with 7400 stuff I have a circuit in the patent office. This was my first patent. I was not the guy the lead principal one So I went to a company called sec I worked at temple manhattan college Where I put unix on their pdp 1170 so I could start playing with it They had data general give them a machine I looked at data general and said they saw unix and didn't get it right Okay, that's wrong and then I started reading soul of the new machine by tracy kitter And got to the place where the boss had a sign on the wall that said not all jobs are worth doing right And I said that explains why they didn't get unix right and I stopped reading the book I worked at harvard business school for a week. That was the week of the crash in 1987 Um, there were not professors running around crazed What they did have is a line of 200 year old oak trees And two of them had died or fallen out Harvard business school they go out and find a 200 year old oak tree and they bring it in and plant it there There's not a little one. They don't mess around with this. Um, went to tuskegee and orville county Went to deacus Where I ran into mad dog and a bunch of other people like that and usenix portland usenix was one of my first It was wonderful lots of people from bell labs doing interesting things and I just read the 1984 Bellat Bstj which told all about the great stuff they did there. I said these guys have really got it right I like this And I ran into norman wilson A few of you might know him. I don't know. Yes. Yeah, you know nor yeah norman. Yep and uh I was there at then I went to njit. We're a director of academic computing and 1985 the network's away with the future and we're getting a connection to jvnc net and we're going to get a sun I could program the sun and I could do email Wouldn't that be great? So I sat down one morning to fire up email on On the sun and encountered eric allman's creation And I had no idea what the hell am I doing matching patterns and headers I I never got it working But of course there was a good version of something like that at bell labs meanwhile management said you have no future as a techie You should get into management So I talked to norman wilson. He said why don't you apply to bell labs? Oh god, I don't have a phd. This is bell labs. This is the the shining city on the hill Are they going to talk to me at bell labs? And I thought well, you know, I can maintain things. I do stuff I could be janitor to denis richey. Maybe he'd help him do more denis richey stuff I would be delighted to do that So I went and spent a day interviewing and even if all those people had said I was a total jerk It was an astonishing day brian kernehan dug mackleroy rob pike Dennis richey who stared at his shoes not mine when he did the talk Um And a few other people who should be just the same and they said yeah, yeah come on and so in december 1987 I joined bell labs and I went up to dav prasado who had built an application level gateway and I said I want to be the postmaster sort of volunteering for proctologists, isn't it? And And I will learn how he built his firewall And I took it over And uh, I love the philosophy all those great people were there. Here we are. You can see some of them There's the peter face The same peter this this face is peter weinberger His face is all over the place when he became a manager they Used his face on chips and water towers and magnets on the wall Oh, I see magnets on the wall. That's the eunuchs room there fred gramp is plucking down This is uh A dear friend of mine whose name just ran away because i'm 72 years old Oh god, she's gonna kill me Oh She said she did the first rock video She did early with ken nolton did early movies with computer generated And i'm i'm sorry lillian lillian schwarz. There you go. She she won a An emmy for the lathe of heaven which appeared on pbs back then Among other things and here are some of the denizens of the room on the lower left is stair nine That's six doors the story is high The mathematician Is it just going away? No, there's a mathematician a famous mathematician Ah Who did handstands on the railing at the top? He's also a juggler He also created invented the largest number in the world and his name is going to reach me soon grand. Thank you I knew if I spouted enough stuff, you know When that the noun goes away you throw enough adjectives around it and you finally get ron gram And uh, he explained that there's the right way and a wrong way to do a handstand six stories up Because if you fall you want to have your feet in the right position That's a graphics lab. There's a hallway at bell labs Which by the way every 50 feet or something have a shower that you can wash the chemicals off you Um And that's too dark. That's dug mackerel. Andrew hume brian cernahan. There's me back when I needed glasses Dave prosado There's denis. I can't tell who he's talking to there that That corner on the middle right is where I sat for a long time. There are lots of buttons there There's a OED A whole bunch of different things there um They played chess there The second the last one on the bottom is the stock room If you needed a modem you went down to the stock room you put in your pan and they gave you one So you don't go to the store. You just get it Okay, anyway, that's matt blaze Susan Okay, I'm not going to go through these stories. This is a peter face Now this is a completely different thing peter had his lilyon Made a live mask of peter weinberger. He had straws in his nose She put plaster on his face and they got it and then they made a mold out of it Okay, so what you do is you take that mold which is a peter face and you put it in a flat pan You put a camera over it A video would be fine or something that takes a bunch of images and you start pouring milk into it And what you've got is a white contour going up the depth of his face So you're left with a bunch of grayscale things that are each different level And this I colored each level with a different color You can see there were some bubbles stuck on the face leaving those little lines And so that's a peter face. I actually put that in a second life. It was an island you could stand on peter's nose And look around at the ocean He was amused to hear that by the way. I put this very image up on facebook and about five years five months later It was gone. They took it down I'm thinking did they not understand did they think this was racist? Should I have used different colors? Anyway, maybe I'll try putting it back up again Okay Email firewall Okay, the morris worm came out. Oh, all right. So we're getting into some firewall stuff here Oh, this is what the unix room looked like a couple years ago. All the good stuff was gone Oh, yes, okay So Trace route and ping are not unix filters That this is this is not the philosophy we want I want something that takes input and gives output and test the network So I could do something like this c scan Go from zero to 255 and echo a number small integer an address And the letter p says send a ping to that sleep and then Do it again twice and then pipe it into something called net i o Which reads these and generates A packet for each of those lines and sends it and when a response comes back Gives the number corresponding to a win out And who answered? And the minus l means linger for two seconds. So hang around for Turns and then sort by the numbers So this was the first entry in what I called the hacker's workbench This was a way to do a quick scan of a seed Sees net by the way People who don't want you to scan their network look for sequential scans such as this one So this is a perfect place for the unsort command And I used it And then I trace You could tell it how many hops you wanted it to go it would go that many hops and you get the trace route response So I trace is sort of a crappy looking trace route And then I look up you could take that output and feed it through something that would do a dns To look up of the addresses you found By the way, these slides will be up You know someplace my web page or you know They'll definitely be available and then there's poke smtp you give it Just an ip address and it'll go see what the smtp header looks like so To digress to a different part of the talk The 1990s was a time of growth of the internet. It's when a lot of bad things happened It's when law enforcement was coming up to speed And people like me and there were lots of people like me would meet with the cops and the feds and All those guys at various meetings hdc i a infregard New york electronic crimes task force that allows ones important And we'd go in and hang out with these people who are having troubles And we teach them how to use dns And this sort of stuff and they would bring problems with us because we're ivory tower people We don't know what's really going on out there, but they are there they're on the ground where it's happening and In one case They said this is getting ahead of myself, but that's fine. They said chess This one ip address we don't understand who it is and you do who is of it? And it said something like 12 malaysia street malaysia And you do a tracer and it goes someplace else So what I did was I use these tools. I said scan the whole c network. It's on And look up the smtb addresses on each of them So, you know, they tell it and I gave the list of the cops and they said, oh, we know who that is cool two years later I got mail from one of those cops who said chess you're not going to get any credit for this But that started the investigation it ended up in last month's announcement It was a child porn ring that included a famous rock star And this was in the late 90s and I've given you enough information that you could go look up who that was And I thought well, that's pretty cool You know, this is this is a nice tool And it's using the unix philosophy Anyway, this also works for other stuff digital house. Oh god. I'm just crawling along here. All right. That's our old house Many weekend projects many features are pleasant We had an intercom so you take your computer you take the audio auxiliary output plug it into the intercom you run Say or sock stuff. You also run festival to do text-to-speech. Hey, it's open source stuff. It works great What do you have it say? Well, I'll tell you one thing you don't have it say you don't tell it have it announced when it reboots Because that's going to happen at two in the morning and your house is going to say just i'm rebooted No, you don't want to do that. Okay, but what could you do? Well, do I have a list right here? No Well, okay. That was a raspberry pie that actually did the house voice Yeah, why not? This is the voice modem connected to the landline, which means I could get the Uh the caller id information from there and the house would announce the caller id Now I know that this is all this is all around all the time, but this was 1992 folks Okay, this is long before and if you have a house with kids and a spouse in yourself Knowing whose calling can be very handy about who should pick up the phone Of course, I don't even have a landline anymore. So this doesn't work And there is the interface to x10 which turned lights on and off And which ran the christmas tree And there is a motion sensor in our mailbox You open it it sees the light and motion and the mouse house said you've got mail and that scared my wife So I changed the message to Excuse me. Excuse me. You've got mail Because you know it's a quiet house. You don't want to be startled and We also had webcams pointed at our beehives garage door position if you left it open that was there a water detector under the garage Uh, I wanted to know if there was fire. So I hacked a spare smoke detector and when it Wanted to send a signal it would trip a x10 relay thing that could be sensed Front door voice announcement someone presses it. It's a huge someone's out the door morning announcements Sunsets at so on mars rises at so on the weather planets today is trash day today's trash and recycling day We still have that in our farm. That's very handy Birthday and anniversary reminders Time at oh top of the hour of chimes Now it just said chime nowadays my granddaughter goes chime And mr. U. I says if there's something broken change that So she says uh, oh if something is down And so this is a little feedback A granddaughter clock is like a grandfather clock only it's software It doesn't go off at two in the morning. You don't have to wind it up. It's running by ntp Which is plenty accurate enough for me ntp folks. We were talking Top of the hour of chimes at noon it plays big bend it does the london what you hear in london At dusk it says dusk And turns on the christmas lights if they're up for a little while And you can also send email to it and it will do a text to speak to that so you could send a message to people at home So pretty cool, huh? Oh when the international space station passes if it's not late at night And if it's not down in the trees it announces it that can be a pleasant change in your life You know space station you sort of interrupt and you go out. Oh, there they are They're just sailing by okay, and iridium flares back when we had those Ken Thompson's astro stuff look for eclipses and occultations stock market results You know how'd your stocks do today and you have real mail you could do Those are beehives I monitored it with infrared and we catch things like this. I think that's a bad I called them be ghosts. I don't know what it was. We had a couple of them Sort of an interesting thing to catch, isn't it? We catch them from time to time anyway at our new house in the farm We're running bird net anyone know what bird net is show of hands Bird net it's from cornell. There's an app for your phone That will they have that will let you listen to birds and tell you what the bird is by analyzing it And this was so cool and our new farm has so many birds that I've set up to outdoor waterproof Raspberry pies running bird net And we I can go look at it this was from yesterday and we have eagles and and all sorts of stuff there Their house finch morning dove Common grackle carolina wren anyway This is in the new farm We moved into the farm the farm is a quarter mile from the road. There's no Gas supplied we have propane But I said, oh we got oil burning Okay, I can shop around and get the cheapest oil And I did that and I got oil for a few months and I noticed You're charging me pretty much more than the market is what's the deal? Oh, well, sir, you have the premium service Well, you didn't mention this when I signed up. What does the premium service have? Well, we figure out when to come and fill your your tank Okay, and if your tank breaks down and if your furnace breaks down in the winter, we'll come right out and fix it Okay, and this is costing me an extra 400 dollars per fill. Well, it's worth it. Believe me, sir You don't want to be cold in the winter And I said, you know, if I'm saving 400 dollars every two months If it breaks in the winter, I can call the guy and say I'll give you a thousand dollars to come out today And it's still cheaper But then there's the question do I want to go down into the cold dark basement with the spiders and check out this thing? So I looked into tank sensors Oh sound all sorts of things a big deal and I said no Let's do this. Here's something you folks will love There's a raspberry pi There's a little video camera There is a uh a light on it It's got wi-fi and power Actually, I think I actually have an ethernet to it now And it just sits there and takes a picture once an hour And so when I say, uh, it's getting to be a month I'll see what the level is at and I think was this that's what took this picture And what's more, I don't have a demo here. I didn't set it up But I keep all those frames and I make a little movie and you see it going And then summer Anyway, okay, the last of the home stuff this is Uh on the left is our mailbox. I want to have the mailbox reporting again. This is a quarter mile from the farm Okay, there's no electricity out here. There's no wi-fi won't reach. Well, I mean get a really big can or something I'd like to put something out here that reports it And I have given this as a project for some of my mentees Because I really want a little raspberry pi that does this. How should it report? Well, if it's too far for wi-fi and maybe it isn't maybe you could do something How about cellular data? How about laura? Yeah, okay, but I have to run a raspberry pi So I need solar and a battery and I need a duty cycle that will make it work I don't really want to use an arduino which would use less power But I want to program. I'm a unix guy This is an interesting project and it has occurred to me at the airport sitting in the cell phone lot I was looking up and I said motorist aid call box It's got a battery in it a little computer It's got a cell at the top. It's it's got solar at the top They're probably relatively cheap because they're all over the place Maybe I could take that signpost replace it with one of those that would get me what I need out there And then I could put little arrows on there that say 185 187 knottingham england New york, california. I could have one of those, you know nantucket. What have you we're working on that So we need all of this stuff. I am surprised. There isn't a remote raspberry pi setup that does all that Why isn't this a product? also Also, I want the pi to be able to tell the power supply turn me off for 58 minutes Say again Mesh-tastic Oh, someone sent me email for that. I'm not going to remember it because this The at the beehives I just wanted to wake up boot up look around gather some bluetooth stuff Send some data and go to sleep again And I don't mean go to sleep. It could shut down. That's fine But it sounds like someone's already done it. I want I want I need this I think a lot of people might want it And of course that turned me off in 58 minutes could be a little usb connection. I don't know Boom. All right. What are we doing? No, we're done with that Web services status of my house. We're not doing that. Okay Um Okay, so I I wrote this a long time ago saying we don't want to put our refrigerator or toaster online It turns out with the new kitchen. We've just done We've got two refrigerators and oven that are online and I think the new ice maker might have wi-fi too You're going to try to stop me I was told to just keep going. I wasn't if I had a stopping time. I would have made it work But are they going to kick us out of here? He told me five minutes folks Oh Oh, so I should get to the I could I could rush through it Um microphone in the bedroom That's sort of creepy, but it might be safe You know my watch is it's kind of that right? You know anyway authentic zoom off. All right. All right. So i'm i'm a little at uh I'm not sure. I haven't even gotten to the book Um Oh lord, this just goes on and on. I know I hadn't way too much stuff Zoom off. I'm going to go quickly through these just so you can see the stuff zoom off was human It was a kind of authentication Entered password and a security code the firewalls book was lovely The world needed it. I didn't realize it. It's the secret is to find a co-author who's smarter than you and then that helps Jen I talked about internet mapping project. This is what a map Sort of looks like, but it's not very useful because it's all the pixels are over one place This is the sort of map we made and this one appeared in wired um Colored by ip address I got top three octets rgb or some function of them Here is colored by autonomous system number Colored by ip address in a different format colored by geography and I don't remember which ones are the which colors Colored by isp cable and wireless is the big one on there Colored at night by distance internet at night us military us military reached by udp they noticed our scanning by the way I They knew who I was it was okay, and I'm going to go running through these Can you tell the difference between the 6th and 7th of october showing the difference on a map is an open research problem And here is a visualization of the layout algorithm, which turns out to be extremely unstable When it first starts, but by the time we get in in the morning when it's done doing the layout By the way, this was considered to be a very large layout and hard, but it turns out pentiums were fast and look at this it's simulating physics And as all the forces were a calbert you did this work Makes this come together nicely And there you go Simulating your algorithm not simulating visualizing your algorithms is something that people like john benley Recommend you do it's a very interesting way of telling what's going on So i'm at a quandary here. There are people who are going to sign in and they're not going to get the rest of this I don't know how to make the decision of what's going on next All right, I'm going to do screw you guys are here you showed up I showed up. I'm going to keep going Okay, the slides will be online. Is that all right with everyone? Yeah, okay All right, we saw this one Okay in may 1999 There was a war in syria And steve bellavin said you should point your internet mapping stuff at the countries involved. Maybe you can see what's going on and steve brannigan Collaborator of mine Did that oh come on? I hope I won't want to oh come on. Oh, there we go We were hoping to show when it disappeared It didn't really do that This was not successful. However, there is one the red goes to syria. You notice there's one that's sort of in the center That keeps getting connections to it Well when I showed this to a general in washington He said son you found their their embassy and we're interested And the other thing he said is Son you've done remote assessment of bomb damage. We're interested At that same talk they had a few other people there bruce sterling Is that got that yeah, that's right bruce That's his name bruce sterling the sci-fi author. Yeah, there it is bruce sterling It sounds wrong for some reason was in the audience and I was explaining this to them And in the middle of the talk bruce said chess. This is cool Well, you know he does cool stuff and a year later He came out with a book called zenith angle And the protagonist is about 60 percent me There's also some van jacobson in there and and so on this is a startling for a sci-fi fan who's you know Was just a guy from new jersey Okay I have to get up instead green bananas Yeah, we'll talk about green bananas right now. There's an old joke among comedians that I'm so old. I don't buy green bananas Because you're not going to live for them to turn yellow The concept of green bananas though, isn't just for bananas. I've run into it a bunch of times When I was 25 engineer at 25 and I want to buy a router and I mean the kind that cuts wood I'm going to go out and find one that lasts a lifetime If I go out and buy one now I'll get some piece of crap unless I have someone to leave it to you know, I actually hate buying crap This also means you know when I was 25 and there was a new cool language. I went out and learned it Let's find out what the deal is with that But i'm 72 now Am I ever going to need to know what kubernetes is? um, and I'll give you some other ones dockers I Understand rust is an excellent language. I'm all about excellent languages. What am I going to write in it? I'm not writing much of anything except apps for the phone Go now go is by my peeps from bell labs And I have read the book and you know, it's one of these languages where we understand what we're doing If you think we did it wrong, that's because you don't understand And that was very common in language design back in the 70s You know if you didn't understand if you didn't like how pascal worked. There was a damn good reason mostly For why it didn't do what you thought it should do and Swift well so These things are beautiful and they've got a user interface. I love I can tap touch squeeze I thought we might be stuck with microsoft cascading menus for the rest of our lives And then this comes along. This is wonderful. I can do i ui experiments and play with it and stuff But I have to program it in rejectives c Okay, it's kind of like c only dangerous And this was before arc which actually made it better And so I learned it and it's okay. I use it, but it's clear that swift is better Okay, green bananas for swift well I'll give it a try. I'll get the best swift book I will download some examples. I'll fly from san francisco to new jersey. I know languages I should have a pretty good sense of it by the time I get to new jersey And by the time I got to Denver, I learned that all my examples didn't work Because it was the wrong version of swift and we're up to what five or six now Some number like that it changed fast not like pearl and python which is relatively slow changing And I thought this is not how you design it Especially not how you design it if you've got a trillion dollars under the sofa cushions You know you come out and you get people who think this through and get it right whatever that means Anyway, that's one so other things in the green bananas list system d. I'm not a fan Whatever that thing is that they're replacing x11 with maybe it's better. I don't remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I don't I don't care I'm running x11. It runs my sam editor. I'm I'm fine with it. Okay, so I'm just a grumpy boomer Oh and I apologize to the presenter julia. I don't think I need it Um That doesn't mean these are bad things. I'm not passing judgment on their quality Just what do I what do I want to do when I grow up? And I've been asking people this because I'm still fixing things on the farm You know my father taught me how to fix a toilet when I was seven And I've been repairing things ever since and I it fit right in that Communications now I'm on a farm if you want to burn out on fixing things go work on a farm There's always crap that's breaking and it isn't anyway So this is You know it gets to be too much And and so last year I turned my email processing over to somebody else Dave rescue I'd been running email stuff for bill labs and for me and that includes dove coat And the let's encrypt and I was keeping up on all the open dkim stuff and all the spam processing and I last march I said I I don't want to do this anymore Now I did it before Covid because in my retirement I said I'm going to serve on program committees This will keep my hand in and that means I need to keep doing this because there are papers that come in on mail And I need to understand stuff But I was a visiting scholar at penn which meant I get to use their library and hang out with the grad students And it was great But covid came and that all sort of fell apart and so Dave rescue over at guardian digital doesn't now and you know it just costs money. That's okay So I don't do that okay, so Lumetta was someone at bell labs came around and said Got any technology that Might make a product. I said, yeah I've listened to a lot of ceio's complain and I know we don't know where our intranet goes I've got a way to find it out. I think a cio would pay 50 grand To know what his network looked like and we could color it with the parts. He knows and the parts He doesn't know sound like a good business. It's called lumetta. We started it in October 2000 which was not a good time to start things but it worked out okay And that is an actual corporate network and this is another one and you can see some parts they know and some parts they don't And these are some examples Here is a leak and the upper left was a machine that let packets go running out on the internet not a firewall And the guy in that network looked and said oklahoma. I knew those guys weren't following policy Okay Turns out I was wrong not 50 grand. They'd pay half a million You know you have to be a big network, but this was cool And there's a ppn. Anyway, there's the smallest network we ever did and it had a leak in it Oops other things that happened Well, I talked about the trace. Oh, yeah One of our people Carl seal went through the data and found we pinged the ssn hawaii Yes, I have pinged a nuclear submarine And that's what you came to hear is something like that Now it turns out looked it up the submarine didn't have a conning tower yet Which means it's not out in the ocean that was put on about four months later But they probably had a mail server or something up. I also learned that submarines are class C networks Is that a secret? Okay leak detection This I am very happy with this and I'm just going to do this waving my hands You gotta host somewhere out on the intern intranet. You want to know can he talk to the outside? Okay So On the outside. I set a computer called the mitt listening for special packets It's got a known address On the inside. I have a test machine. I send them pro packets With their address and the outside network as the return address. You see spoofing is not always evil And if it can get an answer back to the outside that machine is a misconfigured vpn or something like that It's a machine of interest. I got a patent for it There it is And I was very pleased with this Yeah, yeah, that's And that was new So we found it And okay, this is a little picture of how it works from another talk Possible host lakes. There are lots of reasons DMZ hosts with too much access. It's an alarm if you're running the network it matters And we found home web businesses That's sort of interesting We had people said I didn't think you'd check some of those were on nipper net now the military network And one of the leaks we found Made paid front page news So I went to shannon labs where they hired me. Oh I was chief scientist at lumetta and they came in and said We don't need you anymore. This happens to I was expecting it someday Okay, so I went to shannon labs Which is AT&T in form park and they said they basically said you're famous We need more visibility come on in do research here and go give talks cool And so I gave a talk this is one Was security ideas from all over this was taking pictures of secure arrangements Like this stick and half of blocking of a delta barrier For parliament. Yes. I'm taking pictures of important places in their security And then here's the exit From parliament and the joke here of course is that I caught the minister for silly walks Um Conference as I've been to oh, I want this to work. How do I make this go again? Spacebar what what nope up arrow. Nope Nope down arrow. There we go I was at gathering for Gardner three weeks ago lots of mathematicians jugglers tylers puzzlers And I gave a talk there that's tom duff on the left my friend from Pixar He won an academy award for inventing a new color alpha. He invented the alpha channel Okay, so I am actually getting close to where I give you advice. So It's probably worth sticking around a little longer, but um Oh, we're in la. How many people in this room have a kevin bacon number? Oh Come on one of you must have been a waitress extra in a movie or something. Isn't this something you people all do? Nobody do you know what a kevin bacon number is? Okay, then do you know what an urdosh number is? How many people in here have an urdosh number? Oh, oh congratulations. What's your urdosh number, sir? Okay. All right. You can find it. So this man is paul urdosh He's a mathematician. You can read about him in the book the man who loved only numbers He would wander the earth show up at a mathematician's house like ron gram And hang out with him for three weeks ron would have to do his ma is laundry and so on and they do math They'd co-write papers and ron would Figure out his bus trip to the next mathematician. He was going to Paul urdosh co-authored more papers than any other human being alive. He's a phenomenon on mathematics and I remember I said I went to bell labs so that Even though I was doing I ended up doing some research and I haven't really talked much about that That I was there to help the researchers get stuff done. Well, one of my friends is neil slone Neil slone is a world-class mathematician He has been collecting integer sequences since 1964 if you go to google and type in a bunch of integers. It will look up What sequence it is in the online encyclopedia of internet sequences? It's got a third of a million sequences. I call it the library of alexandria index to modern digital mathematics it's an important resource and Neil's getting in the years And he would like to get an endowment and get someone else in place to do his work And so I've bounced ideas off of my go visit him in his carat. You find him a number file by the way He does great stuff um And one day he said oh, I have ron grams coat in my closet ron grams coat How? Well, he was visiting um No, erdoche's coat not ron grams coat. I said the wrong word. Sometimes my sentences end with the wrong fuse box ron erdoche visited ron gram ron gram had parked him in neil's office And erdoche had left his coat in neil's office and then went off and he died So neil had this coat in his office and I thought this is a relic from mathematics If you need money, is there some Silicon Valley trillionaire Who did a lot of math and that helped him get there? Who might want to donate the three million dollars you need for your your thing? And would he appreciate having the actual coat of erdoche? also So an erdoche number of one means you co-authored with him of two means you co-authored with someone you co-authored mine's four Actually, I have two fours and a five um Which is pretty amazing. I'm not a mathematician Um I said what if you wear erdoche's coat? Does that give you an erdoche number of one i an imaginary number? And then if you wear my coat does that give you an erdoche number of two i? And so I went to gathering for gardener and I brought the coat with me And told them this and they auctioned it off and by the way not You could test was the coat I had actually his and there were a couple ways you might look for hungarian dna You might look for some notes on a theorem on percolation theory in the pockets. There weren't any Or you might look for traces of crystal meth Which he used all the time except for one month when he said that was a month lost to mathematics Which raises a question How does someone who's traveling the world from house to house across the ocean? Score his stash of crystal meth Do you ask ron graham to go get you some crystal meth? You're not going to get it from a us doctor If you get it from some doctor in I don't know thailand Do you fly around the world with that in your luggage? I don't know how to get an answer anyway the coat went for two thousand dollars And one thousand of that went to the thing and that was that's what I did there So large graphs data visualization. Okay. All right. I'm almost done here sort of well, so I've been doing lots of graph things big posters. I took internet maps around the world I gave the president of bell labs took six of them to the premier of india They're hanging in the FCC apparently I think doj has a copy up on the wall and so on I handled these things out a lot But I had this big printer And one day I looked at the big printer and said well, this is 36 or 60 inches wide and I could make it as long as I want How many images are in a movie? If I put a little tiny thumbnail for each image in the movie How long would that be and would that be a new way to see a movie? Well, this oh crap. All right. Let's see. Let's get it right. There we go This is licensed to kill and Uh, those images are 300 dpi which means It took a fair amount of processing How would you open source people? Create this. No, I have the answer right here I don't know if I should tell you the answer if you should just ponder this and ask them time It's a hell of a shell script It uses net pbm like crazy and a little bit of image magic What I do is I should I break it out into files in mplayer And then I squeeze it down to the size I want with possible color and gamma changes Because paper is not the same as film in terms of color gamut And then I have it make columns of it then I convert the columns to encapsulated postscript and then I Merge them all together into one big long poster and send it off to a postcript printer And this has got a trillion pipes in it Right, I mean it's all that this is parallel as hell And one day I came in And the program was running four times faster And I went and talked to the it guys and they had quadrupled the number of processors on the machine That is how concurrent programming should work When we were dreaming of concurrent programming in the 50s and 60s He said if I have a second processor, I could invert this matrix faster, but I'm not sure how to do that This one unix this idea of pipes and stuff suddenly was going like a bat out of hell And I hadn't changed a line and wasn't that cool Anyway, that's one of the points over here Um I I showed this to a director and he looked at it and said the color is wrong Well, he worked hard. I mean that movie makers really care about colors And he said the color that red is wrong and he said what color should it be and he says what you see on the macintosh So I spent a morning With that frame Running it through various color translations and printing it out basically screwing it up until the printout looked like the screen Okay, so I now have I've done a good kind effort to try to make the color be what they wanted to see So here is the question for you What should I do with this? Don canoes really love this And he said you should totally get this somewhere I'm thinking somebody like oh, I don't know some major director would love to see his film like this Maybe give these out at the closing at the wrap maybe put it along the wall at the the farm And an adjacent question is this a copyright violation The AT&T lawyers were quite sure. Oh, yeah, there's going to be a million dollars per per viewing that someone sees Ed Felton, Mr. Free to Do stuff said this is totally fair use you're fine. I'm not trying to set new research into law legal theories And I have a nice chunk of change. I don't want them to come after it What I've been trying you have a suggestion sir Oh, I have had people say that and I've had lawyers say, you know And they also say that no, it's it's not I'm not making any money on it. No, that doesn't count either Well, he just had it. I mean he had ripped it off stuff. He was very proud of that I saw it in his house and back in Murray Hill So I have been trying to get in touch with producers. I'm just a guy from New Jersey saying Dear mr. Reservoir dogs Can I just bring one of these to you and give it to you? I don't want to make any money I don't want any I just don't want you to sue my ass off I want to come to your office and unroll it and you can have a look at it And it's yours for free and I'd love to hear what you have to say about it. Well, that's an interesting idea Yeah Well, okay And you know MoMA would love to put this on the wall of magnifying glass dangling in front of it Because these are 300 dpi. These are big print big print outs Big files, you know, I really I want you you can almost read the text in the little things and you can see How about education you're teaching film, you know that the palette changes as the drama builds and so on Also, if it's a film you're used you're familiar with like princess bride You can see the little flames hypothetically speaking of the fire swamp Also hypothetically speaking an incredibly beautifully colored film like fantasia Might be utterly gorgeous. That should be on the wall at Epcot Oh, yeah, I know that the Pixar has as palette people Why wouldn't they let me just show it to them? I'm not trying to make money on this Well, of course my problem is you don't mess with the mouse And well, I know people at Pixar, but yes, I have asked I asked the guy who produced This one licensed to kill. He's the guy. He's the bond producer And he said no, that's partly owned by mgn or something and I can't do that And You know, I just I don't know I I'm a little tired of this It's sort of it's not green bananas, but it's getting close. I'm just sort of anyway Okay, I am going Visualization authentication zoom off If you have trouble remembering passwords how about You zoom in on parts of the earth did I make the zoom things here you zoom into some area you find some spot You find a square you tap it if you could remember the steps in your mind that zoomed in A little eight square meter square spot on the earth has a pretty high entropy So maybe you go to your grandmother's mailbox Or something in that weird lake in Siberia And do it I got a patent for that by the way you can do that with what three words You go find some place find the three words That's your passphrase if you can remember how you zoomed into it That's pretty good as long as someone's not watching your you're you're what you're doing Or you could zoom in on the Mandelbrot set Which I submit to you as the first practical use for the Mandelbrot set Or instead of going out on the net or into math you could zoom into something that's on the machine like a calculus book You remember the page you remember the line You go just to the left of the serif on the second integral or something like that Something you know down there by the way that bar at the top is an entropometer It shows the entropy how many bits you've got so far This is 28 bits on the right There's a rocket garden at Cape Canary the frog pond from my youth was a pretty good one Well, that's a three that that's a this three words hung intro dime is where the frog pond was And that spot in the Adirondacks That actually has a lot okay. Well, anyway Human computer authentication See that guy he's doing baseball signs So my question is if you get a challenge Can we come up with a response that you compute in your head and type in No devices just your brain that is robust Related work baseball signs transmitting data with everybody watching They have brush offs and wipe offs and signal things and stuff I I tried to do this. I suspect it won't work But I actually tried it on my own logins for a while It would give a challenge and you'd have to take several numbers and add them together Modulo 10 and take the next digit and add one and that had to be the third character in your response Okay, would it work? I suspect Dave Wagner could run sat solvers on it to make it work. So Static IPs this is I'm on the farm Trying to get The farm first thing I did of course was try to get the network working on the farm And of course you use wi-fi And wi-fi relays are brittle But it turns out the farm had a phone system Which means there were twisted pairs between the barn and the house Well, can you run high speed on twisted pair? Yeah, it's called dsl And you can buy a pair of modems on amazon for almost nothing And suddenly my farm got a lot better Green bananas. Yeah, dockers is another one This is the inside of the dome. I showed you I'm not going to do that iOS apps I'm working on the digital darkroom It's this was a project that started at Bell Labs in the early 90s And was a science museum exhibit at the Liberty Science Center And now I've got this and my granddaughter loves to play with it Um Ches has that's actually in the iOS In the thing if if you live in a place where trucks have chemical tags You can type the numbers and it'll tell you what's in the truck Here are the bees with the 3d thing I was telling you about Bee science What is that? That's an empty Okay, human search engine I have a camera. I want to record the cars on my driveway Get their license plate In the old days you did make make install and then you run it Nowadays not so much I even got the little ai thing from google that let's let's it do You know goes in the usb port. I can't figure out how to make it work I love making drip castles. That's my son and my granddaughter And that is it for pictures. Okay I am going to Go to the bottom of this very long list. It was really long. I'm really really really long There we go I'm not going to tell you about the human search engine. There's the meta But wait I have two more pieces of information to give you and then then we can finish I know you want to you want to go away or whatever First of all take good care of your teeth. You'll be glad you did when you're old Go to the dentist. It'll hurt less now than it will later. Secondly You're not going to get social security and medicare when you're old. Our debts are too deep It's going to be awful. It's irresponsible for you to not take care of yourself You should have a million dollars in the bank by the time you're 65 How do you do that chez? My father was in the business for 55 years He made millionaires out of his secretaries and instead of telling you here If you go to youtube and search chezwick stocks You get a mentor project A video I made that tells everything my father taught and how to do it I did it. I live in a nice farm because I did it for a long time You don't have to be a cfo. You don't have to be a financial genius. You have to be patient But you pick good stocks like costco home depot And those earnings are growing nicely and if they grow the price will grow. Anyway, that is it Go forth and shift left Thank you Thank you, um Thank you bill just shy of two hours. Yeah, I think So, uh, we have a little bit of well we have negative time for q&a, but I'm sure there'd be some fun questions if you have them Bala or phil has a mic there. Are we kicked out of the building? We're not kicked out of the building the stream is probably cut at this point But we can still do questions if you want to chat with folks. Um, I also did want to offer you The the team jersey as always lovely and so I I do t-shirts as you can tell this is peter weinberger also by the way the w and awk There she is And so thank thank thank you for sharing your uh, your your projects and your career with us It's uh, it's quite entertaining and informational Um, and like I said, if folks have questions, we're happy to take them Thank you for those that stayed and we'll see you next year in march 2025 by the way My list of things that I don't want to forget to tell you is here. I will put them up We're happy to post them alongside the talk Well, you might say come back and talk about those things we could do that too You know, we'll see what I don't know next year. We'll schedule longer. That's what next year. We can schedule longer Well, if you want this two hours is a long time