 Oh, Phil, Phil Harris. What do you want, Mom? If you don't hurry and get away from that mirror, you'll be late for your first jello broadcast. I'll be late for the second one, too. You're making me nervous. Now, your hair looks all right. Stop printing. Oh, it's a mess. Hey, Mom, can I borrow your curling iron? Why don't you use your own? I ruined it last night at a weenie bake. Oh, well, I look good enough. So long, Mom. Goodbye, son. Now, remember, Philip, be nice to Mr. Benny. He might give you a raise this year. He wouldn't give me a raise if I could read music. So long. Oh, Ma, what time is it? It's time for you to go to the broadcast. Now, hurry, Kenny, or you'll be late. Oh, gee, I'm nervous. Darn this coat. I keep getting both arms in one sleeve. That's the laundry bag. Take it all. Gee, I'm lucky you didn't send me out. Well, so long, Ma. Now, Kenny, seem good tonight. And remember, be very nice to Mr. Benny. Oh, can I give him a hot foot? Not until next week. OK. Goodbye, Ma. Goodbye, dope. Hello, Mama. Yes, this is Mary. Yes, Mama, I'm just leaving for the broadcast. And gee, I'm so nervous. Yes, we're all going to be together again, our whole gang. No, no, Mama, they didn't fire Jack. I don't know why. They just didn't. By the way, Mama, how's Papa? What? He did. He broke his leg in a swing contest. Why, the old jitterbug. Why? No, Mama, no. No, you mustn't. They only do that to horses. Well, thanks for calling. I've got to run along now. Goodbye, Mama. Gee, I better hurry. Strawberry, raspberry, oh, Lucy. Yes, Don? I'm all mixed up again. I know strawberry comes first and then raspberry, but what comes next? Cherry. Oh, that's right, cherry. Then there's orange, lime. Just orange, lemon, and lime. Oh, Don, Wilton, I'm ashamed of you. You've only been off the air three months and look at you. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. There you are, darling. Oh, but there's just one more thing. Where are the big red letters? On the box. On the box. Oh, that's right. Now run along, Don, before you forget. Don't worry, I've got it. Well, goodbye, darling. Goodbye, dear. Now remember, Don, be nice to Jack. Jack who? Jack's Benny. Oh, that's right. Goodbye. You better hurry up, Mr. Benny. If you don't leave right away, you're going to miss the program. Rochester, how can I leave right away when you're still pressing my pants? I can't go to the broadcast in my underwear. That's right. You have got both legs. I have not. It's the way the light hits me. Hey, Rochester, look at that smoke. Are my pants burning? It ain't wrong. Forgive them to me before they're ruined. You know, it's a funny thing, but every time you press my pants, you burn a hole in them. Yeah, that is funny. Yeah, well, don't laugh. Oh, well, I'll put on an old pair, so I won't be late for breakfast. You know, Rochester, I don't know why I pay you. I don't even know when. I told you I'd pay you as soon as I went back to work. Right now, I'm short of cash. What's that green stuff in your mattress, grass? Yes, it's grass. Well, I mowed some of it last night. Sir, you stay away from my mattress. I'm saving that for a rainy day. Well, so long, I'm off the studio. Good luck. Say, boys, can I borrow your top hat tonight? I'm going to the grand opening of a check-in shack. No, you can't have it. And another thing, I wish you'd stop voting for Bill Robinson and all those popularity contests. You're working for me. Goodbye. So long, boss. Well, he's gone now. Come on out, Josephine. Oh! The Jello Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with confidentially. Well, we're back again, folks, and this begins our fifth year on the air for Jello. Four years ago, we served up our first Jack Benny Jello Program. Forty years ago, your grandmother served the first Jello. Jello was good news then, and it's good news now. Rich, delicious, tempting, and colorful. Still, America's favorite gelatin dessert. And there are always new ways to serve Jello. Dozens of inviting treats in all six of those delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. And everyone is crammed with extra-rich fruit goodness. Jello is absolutely pure. It's amazingly economical. It's quick and easy, and it's well to eat. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jello. And then after 13 weeks' vacation, we set sail on the Sea of Joy. It is my pleasure to bring you the Jolly Skipper of the Good Ship Jello, Jack Benny. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking. And thanks, Don, thanks for that corny introduction. Jolly Skipper of the Good Ship Jello. Oh, brother. That came off a cob with a gray tassel. Well, gee, Jack, I thought that introduction was cute. Don, this is our opening program. We've got to hit much higher than cute. Believe me. Well, anyway, here we are together again, ready to hit that old trail for another 39 weeks. I know we're going to have a lot of fun. Yes, sir. Do you feel nervous tonight, Jack? No, why should I be? Same studio, same gang, same sponsor, and the same old microphone. Hello, Mike. That's new. Well, that's the only change that I know of. But no kidding, Don, it's good to see you again. Let me look at you. Say, you've lost some weight, haven't you? Oh, not so you can notice it. I didn't notice it, Don. I'm just making conversation. You know, people always say that. Well, now that you've mentioned it, Jack, I did go on a diet and I'm two pounds lighter. Two pounds lighter? Well, that's like taking a bucket of sand away from the Sahara Desert. But don't worry, Don. Stay the way you are. You're all right. Well, Jack, you look as though your vacation did you a lot of good. You look rested. Yes, I had a nice rest. Of course, I had to cut my vacation short on account of the American Legion convention here. You know, I'm a legionnaire. I belong to the Lake Forest, Illinois Post. Lake Forest? I thought your home was in Waukegan. How do you happen to belong to the Lake Forest Post? The Lake Forest is eight miles south of Waukegan, and that's where the recruiting officers caught me. I figured you might as well be loyal to wherever you're mad, you know. Look who's here. Hello, Donzie. Hiya, Jack, old boy. Glad to see you. Phil Harris. Well, gee, Phil, it's nice to see you again. Thanks. Glad to see you too, baby. Baby? Phil, this is a cigar in my mouth, not a teething ring. Well, Phil, here you are back on the job with your boys again. Is your orchestra all rehearsed? Yeah, they know when to laugh. I don't mean that. But, gee, you're certainly in great shape. You're tan and rugged. What are you even doing with yourself? Well, I'll tell you, Jack, I've been exercising and going to bed early and to top it off. I haven't had a drink in four months. Oh, you're kidding. No, if you don't believe it, look at me shake. Same old Phil, huh? Well, where did you go this summer, Phil? Oh, I worked most of the time, and I took more extra on tour across the country. And by the way, Jack, we even played your hometown, Warkegan. You did? Gee, I bet you got a great reception there. What hotel did you stop at? The one with a bath in it. Oh, the new one. Oh, the chateau walked again. Pretty swanky, isn't it? A lovely room overlooking a cow. Now, listen, Phil, there are no cows on the main street in Warkegan. It's a pretty modern peppy little town. It's peppy all right. We held a swing contest one night, and a cigar store Indian won it. That's a lie. Warkegan is a regular ball of fire. All right, all right. I was only trying to rip you. I had a swell time there. Well, that's different. Now, say, Phil, did you meet any of my old gang there, you know, any of my pals? A friend of yours there, a fella named... Julius? That's the guy. You bought a suit from Julius. Was it a good fit? Yeah, until he let go of the back. Now, wait a minute. Don't run down his clothes. Just so happens that the suit I've got on right now, I bought from Julius. That one? Yeah, I had it for years, and it wears like iron. Here, feel it. You see, the suit might rust, but it'll never shrink. And I'll tell you something else, Phil. The last time I was there... Come in. Well, well, if it isn't the effervescent kid, sure, Fire Livingston. Mary! Applaud. Hello, Mary. Gee, you look great. Gee, it's great to see everybody again. Come here, Don. Here's a great big kiss for you. Well! Oh-ho-ho! Hot diggity. Wow! Hey, control yourself, Don. Yeah, he only got the blue place. And, Phil, here's one for you. Planet, honey. Pull in your lips, Phil. You look like a U-Bangie. Mary, Mary. That's enough. Cut it out now. Okay. Remember where we left off, Phil. I won't forget. Come on, Mary, now. How about giving me a kiss? Oh, Jack. Not in front of all these people. What about Don and Phil? You certainly got modest all of a sudden. Yeah, just in time. That's so. What you see in Harris, I don't know. That guy'd kiss anybody with a skirt on. Wouldn't you, Phil? Anybody but Harry Lauder. You ain't kiddin'. Oh, Mary, before I forget it, I want to congratulate you on your marvelous performance last Monday night in Seven Keys to Baltic. Well, thanks, Don. I thought I was kind of clever. Clever nothin', kid. You were terrific. They're right, Mary. You were excellent. Now, you take that scene that you did with me. You know, the one where I... Oh, that was one of your best scenes, Mary. It sure was. And it was a tough one, too. Yes, sir. Mary and I had a really work to put that one over. Mary, you were so convincing. I believed every word of it. Well, thanks, Phil. I did my best. Yep. We really went to town on that. But you know, fellas, my favorite scene was when the maniac came in and threatened to kill me and I had to think mighty fast. You were great in that, Mary. Thanks, Don. You weren't even in it. Thanks, Don. Thanks, Don. You know, fellas, if I wasn't so modest, I could talk about my performance, too. If somebody will ask me for heaven's sake. If you want my opinion, the best thing in the whole play was my telephone conversation with Cecil B. DeMille. You know that long scene? Yeah, boy, was it long. All right, fellas, I know you're kidding. You're not going to get my goat on the first program anyway. Well, Phil, how about playing a number? I'd like to hear the boys again. Okay, we're all set. Say, Jack, where's Kenny? I'm kind of anxious to see him. You probably have a lot to tell us about his trip to England. I bet he comes back from London with a monocle, a top hat, and a cane. And a fog all around him. Oh, I don't know. Kenny might have been a little slow last year, but now that he's been abroad, he might surprise us all. You know? Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? On behalf of the 48 States, Canada, and the Hawaiian Islands, I want to welcome you back to Radio Land. Well, thanks. Now, for the third consecutive year, who are you? That's what Stoogey with a floy floy. Goodbye. You know, I could use his head in my trophy room. Play it. Well, what goes on here in my heart played by Phil Harrison as orchestra, to compliment you on the remarkable change in your band? You never know it was the same bunch. It is, and I got all new men this year. You have? What came to the boys? What became of the boys you had last year? Oh, they're working. Well, that's good. What band are they with? You don't think they could get a job with a band, do you? Well, no. Think of it. No. I should never have asked that. This is a nice outfit you got. Say, I see you've added a flute to the orchestra. Where? Right there. That's not a flute. That's a bean shooter. Oh, so that's it. All the time I thought I had shooting pains in my neck. It's a little bit annoying while I'm broadcasting. I wish you'd speak to them. I'm not going to get an interpreter just for that. Well, anyway, Phil, I'm glad you got rid of your old game, because towards the end of the last season, they were getting pretty fresh there, believe me. Yes, they were getting pretty, pretty fresh. Say, Jack, I just happened to think of something. What about the $15 Phil's old piano player old you? The guy in the old... Hey, that's right. He borrowed 15 smackers from me. Phil, where is that guy anyway? Oh, I've seen him around, Tom. That's fine. He's probably sitting in some nightclub having a swell time with my 15 bucks. Well, there's one consolation he isn't eating. He's got his bridge work for security. Well, what if I have got his bridge work? He suggested it. Yeah, next time you'll keep his mouth shut. Yeah. He tried to while Jack was taking it out. That's a lie. I cut this finger opening a can of peaches. I know what I'll do. I'll take the $15 out of Phil's salary. You know, Phil, you're responsible for your musician's debts. You don't even pay my own. Well, I'm going to turn over a new leaf for you. And another thing, before you fire any of your guys... Come in. Announcing the jello tenor, Mr. Kenneth Baker. Kenny. Cheerio, everybody. Oh, Kenny, gee, I'm glad to see you again. Sure miss you, kid. Glad to see you too, old man. Hiya, Kenny. And Philip, old thing. Hello, Kenny. And Don Wilson's stout fellow. Well, that fits. And, uh, where's our little leading lady? Ah, there you are. Hello, Marie. You look grippy. I pass. Hey, Kenny, no one would ever know you'd been to England. Shall I wait downstairs, Mr. Baker? Nah, stick around, Higgins. Here, give me your hat. I'll hang it up. Very good, sir. Say, who is that, Kenny? Oh, I brought him over from England. That's Higgins, my valid. Kenny, if he's your valid, what are you hanging his hat up for? He'd do as much for me. Well, that's thoughtful. Can you imagine that, fellas? What does Kenny need with a valid? He's getting too old for his mother to dress him. Well, valid or no valid, Kenny, is great to have you back again. Well, tell us something about London. How did you like it? Oh, it's beautiful, Jack. An old boy did I have fun driving around the town. I took in everything. Oh, you did. I bet it was hard getting used to driving on the left-hand side of the street, huh? Yeah, it took me about four cars. I figured it would there. Tell me, Kenny, did you... Hey, Kenny, did you get over to Paris? Did I? I'll say. And, Jack, have I got something to show you? Come here a minute. Well, yeah. What have you got, Kenny? Yeah, what is it? Ah, nobody can see him, but Jack. Come here, Jack. Look. Mmm, postcard. And how? Look at this one, Jack. Well, well, the Eiffel Tower. Whoa! Ain't that hot stuff? Gee, and get this one, Napoleon's Tomb. Pretty risque, huh? Kenny, there's nothing risque about these cars. They're perfectly all right. Well, I can't understand that. I bought them in an alley. Now put them away and don't show them to anybody. Don't worry. What a guy. All right, Kenny, now that you're here, we're all together again. How about a song? Okay, I'm ready. Well, I beg pardon, Mr. Baker, but it's time for your tea. Oh, right, though. You deserve tea on this program. You're not in England now, you know. Well, if I can't have my tea, I won't sing. Oh, you won't, eh? You'll sing if I have to send for Chamberlain. Imagine that, Mary, eight weeks in London and he won't sing without his tea. Lucky he didn't go to Laskett after throwing a fish. You said it. Oh, go ahead and sing. Higgins, I'll take that tea. Remember the night the night you said I love you. Remember, remember you wondered it seems and then there came a day loved me too. My dreams had come true and all the world remember remember the night the night I loved remember the stars of a miss that you remember sung by Kenny Baker, England's gift to the United States. Congratulations, Kenny. Thank you. You're welcome. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as the half hour of our first program is nearly up, I would like to announce that next Sunday night, we are going to offer the first dramatic thunderbolt of the Benny Theater Project for the new season. We are going to present for your amazement, none other than our own version of Metro Golden One Mayor's current success, Yellowjack. Thank you. This play deals with a situation in Cuba right after the Spanish-American war and the heroic efforts of the United States Medical Corps to forever rid the world of that red disease, yellow fever. We will now give you a preview of some of the highlights of this stirring production. Drama! Oh, nurse, these mosquitoes. These infernal mosquitoes are killing me. Did you put up the net? Yes, and they started to play badminton. Oh. Suspense. Darn that mosquito. Ha-ha, you missed me. Who was that mosquito I seen you with last night? That was no mosquito. She just looked like one. Oh. Robbins. Virginia, Virginia, listen to me. Yes, Sergeant? This is a dangerous experiment, and the odds are against me. If I come out of this alive, will you marry me? What are the odds? The odds are... A hundred to one that you like jello with its six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. You have just heard only a few of the highlights. You have just heard only a few of the highlights. From next week's sensational offer. From next week's sensational offer. So be sure to tune in next Sunday night. Yellowjack. Thank you. Play something. In all, there's an old radio custom that when we have something brand new to introduce, we start off with... extra. Well, I have three flashes for you tonight. Three new jello puddings. They're new. They're quick and easy. They're delicious as the old-fashioned puddings your mother used to make. Jello vanilla pudding. Creamy and delicate. Made from real vanilla. A grand all family dessert. Jello butterscotch pudding. Rich and mellow with old-fashioned brown sugar. Tempting to look at with a color-like taffy. Swell to eat. Jello chocolate pudding. Smooth and chocolaty. A prime family favorite. Made a new and better way. So there you have the news. Not one new treat, but three. New desserts. A variety to please you all. What's more, all three jello puddings are quick and easy to prepare. You'll find the simple directions on every package. In just a few minutes, you can make a real homemade pudding with a wonderful, creamy smoothness. So get acquainted with these brand new jello puddings. The good way is to order three packages at a time. Jello vanilla, butterscotch, and chocolate pudding. Ask your grocer tomorrow. This is the last number of the first program in the new Jello series, and we hope you'll all be with us again next Sunday night at the same time. Don't forget new thrills, new laughs, and mosquitoes trained by Busby Berkeley. In our version of Yellow Jag. And by the way, folks, Joe Penner starts his new show next week. On the same day as Kate Smith, they are both friends of mine. I know you'll enjoy their shows. And now, folks. Come in. Telegram for Jack Benny. Well, it's right away. That's kind of quick there. Oh, Jack, it's from Fred Allen. Allen, what does it say? Dear Jack, just heard your opening program. Motion pictures are my best entertainment. That's so. Good night, folks. Starting right away. That's not that kind of stuff. Thank you. Oh. June, I married an angel. It's from the call of the same name. What goes on here in my heart is from the program from courtesy of Mervyn Arroy Productions. It's the national broadcasting company.