 online look at that all right hello everyone Matt coast here and Helena Hart hey everybody why can't we see ourselves oh you want to see ourselves this is us right here on on this thing right here I think how do we what do we see what if people are watching it where they do stuff well they it says right now so nobody's nobody's here yet okay looks like but hopefully they will be here soon hopefully they will be here soon yep see there it goes yeah there's a little bit of a delay yeah it's weird it's weird but it's fine it doesn't matter okay okay so hello everyone we're gonna talk today about about how to make a man miss you number the number one thing number one we got someone saying hi in the chat hi so so there's a few different things that I wanted to talk about there's been kind of a ton of different questions that people have been asking us and one of the things around that it's been about you know making guys miss you really and then this this whole topic about like making a guy miss you it is much bigger than and broader than I think people really realize that it is because there's like you know this idea where a guy leaves you know and he thinks of you in his mind and he thinks like man like I you know I'm just so like I just love this woman so much you know like I want to go and see her again I want to hang out with her I want you know I want to spend time with her I want her to be in my arms right that that's a big topic because it encompasses everything from not just you know being attractive to a guy but also like being in a relationship with with a guy where he feels like he wants to be there where he feels like he wants to be a part of this like he feels like he wants to have some kind of bigger place with you and you guys can be on this team and as we're gonna talk about in a little bit here this idea of you being almost this you know like the first word that or first phrase that comes to my mind when I think about this is safe space right and you know it's it's kind of a weird word right now because there's some political connotations around it but at the same time I think it's a very you know and there was there was actually a comment recently where some woman was complaining because she said sorry there's comments just like totally what was it she kept you know what was it she wanted more intimacy in the relationship she said he's backing up no no no that's not what I'm talking about there there's a comment in oh this is what it was so there's this comment on one of our YouTube videos where this woman said that we're turning guys into like beta males right like where we're like you know turning them into these guys that are just wimps and you know whatever because we're trying to like trying to make it as safe as possible for them and you know if a guy is gonna be a beta male right or if a guy is going to act or feel that way like you creating a safe space for him isn't what's gonna create that right that was already put into place years ago okay if a guy is going to be weak and wimpy that is something that happened from his upbringing that's something that happened from you know his life before he met you that's not something that you're creating right now okay um what we're talking about here in relationships is commitment right this this thing where we have two people who come together in a relationship where their partners you know where they're on the same team where they feel like they can go out and you know create their world and you know take over their world or you know what whatever they're doing you know like going out there and just you know living life together and making things happen and you know what whatever it is that that you and your partner want right it's not this adversarial thing and this adversarial thing is what we've been what a lot of people are kind of conditioned into right now right so there's like this war of the sexes right and it's like I mean that it's like the most destructive thing ever to hit our culture is this and it's growing right now there's there's these different sides to this war of the sexes things and it's growing and it's this idea that we need to like you know make each other be something else that's kind of um encompassing this whole war of the sexes thing and it's it's tearing us apart it's not healthy um it's not good for you it's not good for your relationship it's not good for men it's not good for women it's not good for anybody you know and and I think that we do a huge disservice to ourselves to our relationships to our culture to the people in our lives to to everybody else in in our society by trying to like you know make people be this certain way that we want them to be instead of or you know attacking them and trying to you know make them stronger or whatever you're trying to do instead of being a partner and creating a space where a man wants to come back to where he feels like like oh my god this is you know like this is this I can relax here you know with one of the big complaints that a lot of women have is this white men pull away thing right and it's like you know we're talking about do you want to go ahead and explain that situation that we're talking about so if you're not familiar yet we have a program called feminine enchantment and Helena is it's Helena's program and she answers questions on that program about different situations that anybody's member of is having and they ask questions and she answers them and there was this question that somebody asked in yeah the guy pulling away and the more he pulls away she just keeps trying different things and it feels like we were talking about feels like pressure to a man the more she's even though she's you know trying to be sweet and invite him to do things and the intimacy I guess in the relationship is really faded and the comment she made was that he's going back into his cocoon so what you were saying that I thought was so brilliant was like you know he's like what if you were that cocoon what if the woman was that cocoon that you know he felt so safe and so good around you that you just like he felt compelled to come closer and closer rather than having to pull away to get that safety right exactly and it's like this this idea that we're talking about right now of this you know being you being this cocoon you being the safe space where it's the the difference between that and having this adversarial relationship where you're like I need this man to do this and be this way you know I don't want to make some you know beta male guy you know by you know being nice to him or whatever that's like the opposite right and what we're trying to do is like imagine you know if you are in this relationship and when the guy felt pressure from the outside instead of you being the one that he pulls away from you're the one that he comes to you're the one that he connects with when he's feeling pain when he's feeling overwhelmed when he's feeling emotional when he's feeling whatever he's feeling that normally makes him pull away instead of pulling away from you he comes towards you because he's pulling away from something else you know and you know the overarching thing here that I wanted to talk about with the the whole topic of making a man miss you is that just one idea right and this idea is there's actually a study that was done a while ago by the relationship research Institute right and the relationship research Institute is a great institution they do tons and tons and tons of research studies right there's this guy I can't remember exactly what his name is off the top of my head but he runs it and he figured out how to determine when a couple was going to break up or get divorced right he did these studies with these married couples and he they tested everything right they're like testing their blood they're testing like you know their sweat they're testing like you know their heartbeat and their breaths and stuff and when they're interacting with each other and what's going on and what they're saying they did like number counts on the words that they said and they like you know just did all this massive massive analysis right and it's really really cool a lot of these studies that they do are just absolutely awesome and what they found right this guy had like a 90% accuracy in being able to tell when somebody was gonna when a couple was gonna get divorced right 90% accuracy this guy knows if you're gonna get divorced or not just by having like a five minute conversation right and you know the the interesting thing about it was he that what they found was that in order for a couple to stay together they have to have five times as many positive emotions in their interactions as they do negative right so five times right if you go below five times which is you know way more right there's a very very very high chance that you're gonna end up breaking up with each other whether it's you breaking up with him or him breaking up with you you're gonna break up with each other and so it's really creating this environment with your partner of of joy of happiness of great times you know when you look at each other you think you feel you know like I just love being around this person like it just it fills me full of joy right and one of the things that a lot of people are doing instead is the exact opposite you know they they they create lots of negative emotions around each other and next thing you know they're breaking up with each other and that's just you know and around going back to the whole idea of like making a man miss you it's you know it's that positive feeling that he has around you right if he feels just all these intense positive emotions around you and he leaves he's gonna think about you when he's gone he's gonna want to be back together with you he's gonna want to you know hang out with you he's gonna want to talk to you he's gonna want to send you messages because he's he's hanging out thinking about you and feeling good things about you and when he goes out into the regular world where you know it's not a safe space it's not a you know positive emotional experience most of the time for him he's gonna be like oh my god I can't wait to go and meet with my girl again you know because she's just so awesome you know he's gonna tell everybody about that everybody's you know that he knows he's gonna think highly of you you know and that's what you want you know you want positive reinforcement around him about you all the time you know that's that's what helps build and grow and and establish you know like this is the right person for me so was it John Gottman? John Gottman that's who it was someone said I hate that feeling when men pull away even if you are they piece they tend to pull away like even if things are going good they tend to pull away is that what you mean but also come around yeah I mean men need to go away sometimes they need that space right like they just to get their testosterone levels built back up like you like you're spending a lot of time with him and I don't know if this is your exact situation so if you have more specifics type it in you're spending a long time with him and the two of you like bonding and everything's feeling really good you know he's gonna need some time away just to like feel like a man again to feel independent so that's but it's what you do when he goes to take that space that's going to bring him back and want to come back towards you or push him further away and make him want to stay away right? Yeah I mean I think there's this kind of misconception out there that a lot of people have both men and women where there's kind of this thing where they think like okay we're in a relationship now you know and I've actually heard women especially like in our comment section on our Facebook page a lot say things like this which is you know if you're in a relationship then you know there you don't have your time there's no your time involved in that and that's just the silliest thing that I've ever heard before in my life. Hey by the way if you're watching right now just leave us a comment just say hi we'd love to hear from you I'd love to just know that you're there watching everything's going well. Or if you have questions or anything oh she said yes that this is what I'm going through now okay perfect let's talk about this then yeah absolutely how yeah you're saying like that you think there's no time to yourself anymore right I just think we were at Best Buy yesterday and he went to the bathroom he's like oh just even just like that moment to myself especially like if a guy is an introvert like he's needs like time to himself to recharge and that's not a bad thing at all like that's a great thing you know so if your guy things are going great if he's pulling away just for a little bit like he needs that that's really natural and healthy yeah yeah yeah I'm an introvert yeah you know and so if you don't know like the differences between an introvert and an extrovert there's there's this thing called the hey Karen Eileen you know everybody how's it going so that I'm an introvert if you're not familiar with Myers-Briggs there's a great test out there that you can do it's called the Myers-Briggs type indicator test right and you it basically tells you a lot about yourself and I don't fully subscribe to anything any of the personality type things I think that there's a lot of factors that we don't really understand or know about but I think that it's a good indicator of a lot of different things and one of the things I am heard just said yes I love your channel yeah thank you we love you too so so there's there's like this spectrum right which is introvert and extrovert and a lot of people think that what an introvert is is somebody that just like likes to stay by themselves all the time and an extrovert is somebody that's like out partying all the time just like and there's some truth to that right but what it really is is about where you get your energy from yeah and so as an introvert where I get my energy from is being by myself right and so I need time to myself to recharge just to feel good you know if I'm around people for too long I'm like oh I gotta go hang out somewhere by myself real quick you know and I'll go like I'll go sit next to a pool or something you know and just sit there and just be like you know it's not a you know I mean it's not it's nothing personal you know it's not about you it's not about people you know it's about me like I have to have some time to really recharge and you know feel better about myself and what she was saying was I was I was in the bathroom at Best Buy you know I'm like washing my hands in there and I like you know like pull out the towel and I'm like you know putting the towel on my hand and I'm just like oh you know I've spent the whole day out around people and stuff and it just feels good to just have a moment to myself and just you know just just stand there and it's not you know like you know I'm not trying to get away from calling it's just part of it's just part of what things are you know and was there anything else you want so for this person like so if he's pulling away a lot of times like the first thing I know is women like the first thing we want to do is we sometimes we think we caused it and we think that if we caused it then we can do something to fix it and that's when we kind of tend to start to want to do all these things that don't work that actually work against us and push him further away like ask him why he needs to take space start conversations about the relationship so don't beat yourself up a lot of times we think we did something wrong and we start to panic and that's where women come to us and start you know what did I do wrong and how can I get him to come back where if you were just to like anchor yourself right where you are and just realize that this is a natural thing like a healthy thing and it's a great you know it's a great thing that happens and you should do that yourself as well take some space from time to time yeah and then even encourage some space you know like what this so going back to this idea of like making a man miss you right a man's not gonna miss you if you're never gone right like the idea of a man missing you it's like okay he's somewhere else right which is normal for all of us I think there's there's definitely I think it's definitely healthy in all relationships to have time for yourself you know to have time where you go and do something for yourself with yourself having your own hobbies you know whatever it is I think it's healthy you know I think it can be powerful I think it'd be great for your relationship and so the more you have so it's so encouraging that you know in your man because when he's you know what most women do is they like go I'm like latch on to a dude you know in their life wherever you go I'm going you know it's like this roller coaster ride and the dudes like oh give me some space give me some space you know and it's like and so here's the thing like if you're if you're like hey you know go have some fun go hang out with your buddy that you haven't seen in months because I've been you know latched on to you you know go go hang out with some friends go hang out and do some stuff instead of being like oh god I need to get away from her he's gonna be like dude my my girl is the best you know I mean she's so awesome she was like hey go hang out with your friends tonight and I'm like yeah you know and it's just you know and not only then well he have a positive experience about you particularly but when he goes and hangs out with his friends who he likes he's going to it's just gonna be this impact of different positive emotions on top of each other and it's um yes it's just a powerful powerful powerful thing yeah we were watching a wedding crashers last night I was thinking that girl she goes I'll find you I'm gonna scroll up for a second because I think it was Jocelyn oh she's I was freaking out you guys made me feel better thank you all you're welcome I'm glad that was helpful it doesn't matter how to make my boyfriend miss me long-distance relationship Jocelyn can you give us some more details is it and is he pulling away or what's happening how do we get back to you know and when we see ourselves on there so it's it's a it's a little weird to see that so okay so there's one other thing that I wanted to talk about real quickly and so there was this I got this message from a woman and what she said was that she would like to see men respect women more these days and I think that we would all like to see everybody respect each other more these days right and so I just want to talk a little bit about respect and what that means and how you can get a guy to respect you a little bit more and there's there's a there's a lot of different ways you can do this but let's talk a little bit about respect first right so respect the idea of respect is like the the best definition that I know of for respect is this definition that is it says it's like value right so it's like when you respect somebody you value them right you're like you're saying to them like if I say I respect you what I'm really saying is is I value you as a person you know like I look at you highly I see you highly right and so we live in this kind of weird world right now where a lot of women are you know they're they're they're doing a lot of things that are very masculine right and that's you know I mean totally okay it's it's it's normal for what we've kind of created but this is the first time we've ever been in a society where you know it's almost pretty much expected at this point for you to work you know if you're a woman that it wasn't like that before before it was like you were dependent on a guy and now you have to work right and in order to get somewhere in the workspace for most women or in most workspaces is you have to have these masculine things right you have to like go after things and you have to you know plan stuff and you have to be you know super up in your head right that that's that's how you get ahead you know that's how you get ahead in the workplace and so a lot of women are doing things where guys will would respect you from a platonic kind of standpoint right like he'll look at you and be like okay you are you know I respect you from the standpoint that you know you've got a great job and you've got you know all these different things that are impressive right but what he doesn't respect you in is in terms of a romantic relationship right like he doesn't respect you in terms he doesn't value you as a woman right and being a woman and I know there's kind of like this that there's a book out that came out not too long ago where they talk about like the what was it called it was called like the e-woman or something and basically it was like you know women are expected to do everything you know women are expected to be women women are expected to be men women are expected to have their shit together in every area of life and it's um you know and it's you know I mean as a man I look at it and I'm like man that's got to be you know one it's got to be challenging you know you've got to like switch these roles and stuff and two it's got to be like confusing you know it's like okay well I'm you know I have to do it this way and you know especially if you spend a lot of time in your masculine energy it's like you know how do I be this woman you know it's it's really difficult you know either way and so I know I was gonna say something else here but I forgot exactly what it was yeah so oh so so what we were talking about was you know the value thing right and I think one of the big mistakes that a lot of women are making right now is that they're not valuing themselves in terms of a romantic relationship and what I mean by that is is one of the things is boundaries you know and we have other places where we talk a lot about boundaries so I'm not gonna go big into that right now but another one is and I talk a lot about this and a lot of different videos and stuff that you're gonna be seeing here pretty soon is that a lot of women don't value don't don't create value around their around themselves as a woman I think that especially right now there's this thing called the hookup culture right and if you've gone through my my email list if you signed up for my email list you've you've heard about me talk about this hookup culture thing and how I feel like it's devaluing women you know I think that a lot of women would be looked at a lot more as a lot more valuable if they weren't just out there hooking up with every dude you know that that I mean if you want to do that that's fine just realize that it makes men look at you and they don't they don't feel that they feel they literally feel like you're devaluing themselves because sex for a man is something you know it's meant you know maybe you've heard about this read about this I don't know if we've talked about it or not before but sex for a man is like you know there's this thing where he's like he's you know as you probably know he's like out there looking for it right and it's it's like this it's like this feeling that he has where it feels like there's something that's can like constantly not finished right or constantly like like itching him right it's like this itch that he feels like he has to scratch all the time right and so if he's scratching it all the time with tons of different women because he can just go out there and hook up whenever he wants to he doesn't value the scratcher as much right and so he looks at and he's like oh I got you know this this goes you know and even more so like I just want to talk about like friend with benefits casual relationships real quick if you you know do that school whatever but for a man if you if if you want a commitment with him and you get into this type of a relationship with him especially long-term he's gonna get all these needs met that he has and he's not going to value something deeper because he why would he go for that you know if he's getting all his needs met through you know this casual relationship that he has man I just go off I'm just like one tangent after the next I'm like this is tangent thing that I want to talk about right now I'm just gonna go off on that real quick but hey if you're if you're just joining us right now just say hi in our in the chat yeah I've been reading all the questions coming in there really someone's I can totally relate to be more in masculine energy than feminine but I've had to for so long I'm not sure how to let that control go yeah did you do you want to speak to that I know you you're like feminine expert in enchantment I will enchant you with my femininity is that an accent I don't know what I said is that British or is it Australian? I've had to for so long I'm not sure how to let go of control are you when you're in hi Veronica when you're with a man do you catch yourself wanting to like control the outcome or push things forward what does that look like that would help what does that look like in in relationships or when you're on a date with a man one of the best things you can do is kind of release your attachment to that outcome or result of any interaction you have that's something like when I'm working a lot of times like in my masculine energy I'm thinking of like what result do I want or what what outcome do I want here and it just doesn't work with men and in in your love life you know so releasing that attachment you can just go into things and not have that expectation constantly some make sense the way I'm explaining that yeah yeah in fact I want to throw something else into there real quick just just so everybody knows who's watching this right now we have this program Helena actually has this program I keep saying we Helena has this program called feminine enchantment and in feminine enchantment we answer she we don't Helena answers your questions about whatever situation you have you can she'll answer your questions on what it is and there is this woman today that she was answering a question for and what was it it was about she was asking something about like she wanted to know what to do next all the questions so what's the next step I made a mistake I lean forward I reached out I think I pushed him away so what's the next step here yeah what's the next step what should I do next and you were saying that it's that mindset of what to do next constantly that probably caused him to pull away in the first place in a lot of cases right you know it's just like a lot of women come to us and then what they do is they'll say things like you know I did this one thing and it caused him to pull away yeah right what do I what do I do next I think there's there's things that you can do for certain to to kind of you know create this positive experience that we've been talking about today I think there's definitely things that you can do to to build that and grow that and whatever and at the same time I think that you know this whole concept this whole idea like having this mindset where you're like okay what do I do next how do I get them to do this how do I get them to do that type of mindset is actually part of what's creating the problem right and and you know one of the big things Helena talks about is like leaning back or at least I like this I believe that all the answer to everything that she has great answers to lots of things and it's not always like yeah so it's like yeah I could give you something to do that might work short term but in order to have any kind of like lasting results you have to what you have to do is change your mindset you have to get out of that mindset of like okay how do I fix this what's the next step because it's you know once you fix that's why I say lean back so much because once you create that foundation it fixes everything rather than just like sticking a band-aid on a huge gaping infection it's like fix what's the like the undercurrent of all your interactions with him yeah so so like one of the things that happens a lot is you know women will be like you know I did this thing and he's pulling away right you know what do I do next right and the difference typically between what a lot of men do and a lot of women do is like a man will pull back and then a woman will be like oh what's going on what's wrong I need you know can I help you like you know I mean how are you feeling right now and and what a guy does is he goes oh I need to pull back even further you know I just said I questioned him that's when you pulled away yeah exactly yeah and so and so what happens is you know guys will like instead of like doing that whole like you know what am I gonna do next what am I gonna you know like say to him what am I gonna make him feel what am I gonna make him do you know like and I know it can be hard because you're like man like there's something crazy going on over here and I want to kind of control it or fix it or you know heal it or whatever kind of feeling you have about it you know I want hit what was going on before the problem to come back to me because it felt so good but you know we go through waves in life we're actually talking about this yesterday I think it was yesterday about like the waves and stuff that we experienced we all go through different you know things in life we have positive emotions we have negative emotions we have times when we want to be close we have times when we want to be further away and if you're like you know jumping on if you're jumping on a guy you're going and he's in this space where he's like I need some you know time away you're just gonna push him further away and so like changing this mindset that you have of you know what do I do next to like you know leaning back and I know it's hard but leaning back and being like okay I'm gonna let this you know it was almost like so I'm gonna I'm gonna bring another story so yesterday right so I like his cat Leo right was acting a little weird he like went under the couch and was like yeah like we pulled him out and he was like he was just like shaking right and like so Helena's like okay you know like let's take him to the vet you know and you know part of me was like okay there could be something really bad going on you know but there's another part of me like you know looking at him and being like you know maybe you should just wait you know and I said that like maybe we should just wait you know a day or two you know and see what he does you know instead of trying to you know make something happen right now when we don't really know if there's a serious problem or you know whatever which which I know kind of sound may make me sound like a total a-hole no it makes sense but like it's one of those things where it's like you know sometimes things just work themselves out and sometimes things work themselves out even better because like we took we took Leo to the vet right and we get him there and he's like you know freaking out like kissing at people and stuff you know and all of a sudden like you know I don't know what his problem is we still don't know what his problem seems to have remedied itself for the most part but you know if it was stress we just stress you know right instead of like giving him some time and letting Joe out maybe you know getting rid of that stress all of a sudden he's like you know the last time he went to this vet was the time he got neutered you know and so you know the only experience he has at this place is getting you know thermometers stuck up his butt and you know and and like you know I mean just like freaking out you know I mean like just all these freaky you know getting his nuts chopped off and so like like we just brought him into this environment maybe it's you know he's stressed out now he's you know now he's definitely stressed out and so you know bringing this back to guys you know I don't want to say that a guy's a cat although maybe they do act like cats sometimes but you know bringing back to guys like guys you know maybe he needs a little bit of just you know we we brought him back and we just let him hang out under the bed and the next day he's all like chipper you know jumping around and stopping you know we were sitting here and he was under the bed I go it's taking it's draining all my energy to not go check on him and get him it like great I literally had physically like I couldn't even sit up like I was laying down I was like it was physically taking a toll on me to not to be that like nurturer and do they which is like a masculine thing towards because I was just like so worried about never seen him like that before but but I did then like it went an hour later and he came out and he was kind of back to himself yes you know he's been cool all day but you actually have to force yourself at first to not do it and it might kind of drain you to not do it but once you try it and start to get some really good results with it it'll it'll become so much more natural to where it's just like automatic you're like creating a new habit for yourself right and going back to the cat topic real quick I read this meme the other day that said that for every six cats that was one man in your life so oh god that was a bad joke so so yeah so yeah what I do is when he pulls back I pull way back to the point I'm done yeah let's see I'm gonna see if I can pull up the questions on here because we would have to scroll up so hard and it's gonna be well you know I mean you can just we're missing some good ones you know let's find out if we're missing some good ones over here there's like a long distance relationship one there's somebody talking about ED here loss of libido is it you so it's him that yeah is this I'm not sure are you talking about a guy that losses libido the man I went through a breakup in November contacting me every day paid for me to come see him he's going through depression and drink once I left he pulled away I just broke it off with a guy yesterday trying to trust myself because he was definitely not into me I think he was lonely it's still hard though any words of advice yeah trust yourself just trust you you know I think you probably made the decision there you know yeah I mean there's there's definitely like so one of the challenges that we have in kind of this entire industry is that some of the words they they mean a big spectrum of things right so if I say like a guy pulls away right that could mean a whole bunch of different things right it could mean that a guy you know is completely ignoring you doesn't talk to you anymore and ghosted on you right that's like one extreme and another extreme is like there's this guy who you know isn't texting me all the time like he normally does right and so there's like so so when when I say a guy pulls away and giving him space I'm not saying that you should let a guy you know emotionally abuse you I'm not saying that you know you should put up with a guy that doesn't really want you in his life you know I'm not saying those kinds of things although depending on your situation you might think I am yeah a lot of people say oh so yeah we gotta get it off the screen this is really a different thing a lot of people we get comments all the time on our videos like oh so are you just saying that guys should just do whatever they want and go sleep around and we should just accept that it's like that's we would never you know we would never be yeah we're not talking about right we're talking about you know we're talking about needs in a relationship you know we're talking about needs of two people we're talking about situations where somebody needs something we're not talking about you know a guy that isn't really interested in you and he's you know like being really flaky all the time you know we're talking about a guy that you know is maybe he's normally in a relationship with you maybe he's normally engaged maybe he's normally you know doing something and all of a sudden he has this period of time where he needs some kind of space you know and that's totally different than you know a guy that's not really interested in you and so there's there's man maybe we should do it we could probably do a video on that like what are what's the difference you know how do you know when I sit around and come up with ideas all day long so yeah you said right there he was definitely not into me so that's great the faster you can take yourself through guys like that and on to the next better guy on that's how that's how quickly things are gonna go for you yeah so um yeah I think you did great I think you made the right decision so if that helps at all yeah um you know what one of the things like one of the things that I do really what I do is I look at patterns right that's my whole job is to look at patterns I look at you know what patterns people have in relationships what patterns people have when they're single what works what doesn't work and I go okay you know how do you you know what's working for the women where things do work and what's not working for the women and when things don't work and so one of the things that works with women especially if you're single is and I'm gonna have a caveat after this this is this is my T Rex hands I'm gonna have a caveat after this but women that end up being like finding a great guy and getting into a great relationship are women who quickly move on from situations that aren't good for them right women that end up in bad situations for long periods of time are women that go oh I'm not sure if I should you know you know they start making excuses for a guy or whatever those women end up you know in 12 year friend with benefit relationships where guys been cheating on her the entire time and I know plenty of women that are like that and it sucks it's horrible and so here's the caveat right is that I think in real relationships one where there's already kind of a commitment or and even in some single situations I think a lot of people are giving up too quickly and for the wrong reasons I think a lot of women give up on a guy for things that don't matter you know I think that and and then they end up staying with a guy for reasons that don't really matter that much right so one one instance of this is like if a guy makes you laugh right the guy's funny you know like I get it you know maybe he stole your heart because he's funny but if you're staying with a guy because he's funny even though he treats you like dirt then you're staying with a guy for the wrong reasons right or we can take humor again right if a guy's not that funny right and you're like oh well I need a guy that's really funny you know like that's leaving a guy for the wrong reasons you're in like that those aren't things that long term are really gonna work for you right and those are pluses those like in my opinion at least I'm not you so maybe you know humor's the only important thing to you but you know to me it's one of those things where it's like that should be something additional you know I mean that's something that's you know like the what do you call it the icing on the cake right not what determines whether a guy is good for you or not you know unless humor is your world and then maybe that's you know maybe that's it yeah but you know I mean like the things that are important are values you know I mean you guys have shared values are you guys in alignment with each other's lives you know one of the most important things in a relationship that determines whether people stay together is whether they're gonna grow together or not right if you're in a relationship with somebody and so like there's kind of this idea of goals right you don't need that the same goals but your goals need to be able to grow together so that you guys can be together at some point and be like yeah we're in this together you know people don't you know there's this big thing about commonalities that people always talk about and you know commonalities are cool it's really really cool you know being able to find somebody that's like yeah I'm into country music you're into country music yay right but when people break up people usually only talk about commonalities when they end up staying together right they're like yeah we have so much in common but it's usually because they grew together right it's not because it's like oh we need to have like commonalities keep us together there's I have a good friend and he was dating this girl who has everything in common everything right except for a couple of very important values that they have that he has right and so they're constantly breaking up and getting back together because well we have so much in common it should work right but it doesn't because there's this fundamental disagreement and how they view the world that makes it almost nearly impossible for them not to constantly fight or even trust each other and so I'm running off on tangents again just run off on tangents we're talking about we're talking about missing guys missing where we talk about a question I don't you don't really need to I don't think you really need to have much in common in order to make a relationship work that's not that so yeah what you're looking for you know like the fundamental things that you're looking for Lula says thank you I look at patterns too let's see looking at all the questions here looking at them questions so many so many good ones so many good questions I love the good questions if you have small good questions I'd like to hear what they are I've never heard of different energies before I've seen a lot of carry but yeah I'm just to it doesn't even face me like I don't feel like I want to have a guitar or a jam that I'm making some questions I'm gonna ask your question in song I've never heard of different energies before but yeah I suffer from masculine energy I grew up surrounded by brothers and my dad what can I do you know one we all have masculine energy and it's not a bad thing at all I mean when you're wanting to get something done or figure something out you're working or even like very valuable it's good yeah it's not about squashing your masculine energy down or getting rid of it it's not something you suffer from it's something that we all have men and women all have both masculine you just want to use it in a way that's gonna work for you you know in your love life in other areas rather than against you so yeah it's about like getting in touch with different things right as a guy I can speak from a guy's perspective and what's going on with guys around like masculine and feminine energy just because I can't really talk about it in terms of women but as in terms of guys you know like we all have feminine energy you know I mean there's time for I'm just like oh I just want to lay around and like oh god am I like okay so so you know they're like getting in touch with my emotions for instance can be very very important you know and some of the biggest breakthroughs that I've ever had in my life have been these places where I've gotten in touch with kind of this emotional like vulnerable like open like you know just painful thing where I've been like look this is you know just laid it all out and you know and you know that's typically considered feminine type stuff you know if you talk to like a lot of guys who are like oh you're getting in touch with your emotions yeah you're gonna be somebody's girlfriend next you know you're gonna get a sex change and you're like what you know what you're talking about you know but it is you know I mean there's there's these kind of perceptions of what it is and what it should be and who we should be and who we shouldn't be and and I don't believe in those things you know I think there's a lot of value in having roles in relationships regardless of whether you're single or sorry regardless of whether you're straight or gay or you know whatever I think that hat you know most most people that I found have found roles that work for them you know whether it's the guy being feminine and the woman being masculine which I know plenty of people that are like that I have friends that are married I have more than one friend that is married in a relationship where the guy is definitely definitely the feminine one and the woman is definitely the masculine one and if it works for them it's great you know but if it's like if it doesn't work for you you know or you're doing it because somebody told you to or told you that you should so I have a friend that I went through this I went through this seminar not too long ago all right I went through this seminar not too long ago and I have a friend that was in the seminar and he lives in San Francisco right and apparently I don't know that much about San Francisco but what I do know about San Francisco is that everybody says that you know everybody's like hooking up like I guess there's lots of like open relationships there right like everybody's like oh yeah we're you know monogamy is a thing of the past you know we're in this open relationship and so this dude is yeah he's barely feminine energy and he was like in this thing talking to us and he was like man I you know I mean like it was he was shaming on traditional relationships but you could tell that he like really wanted something where they were committed you know but his wife was like you know I want to go see other guys you know I mean and you should see other women and what ended up happening through the seminar was it came out where he was like no what's really in my heart is that I want a traditional relationship where we're committed to each other and we're not seeing other people and he ended up divorcing his wife when he went back and I'm sure his wife was probably happy for him to go when she went when he went like when he got back she's like what happened to you you know but you know it's a lot of times we end up getting you know he had been pressured for years and years and years that this was the right way this non-monogamous you know polyamorous relationship is the way that you know his friends and the people around him saw relationships and his wife was like this is what I want and you know he was like fine yeah I'll go along with it you know and I think there's something in him where he was like that's not what I really want you know what I really want is something committed what I really wanted something real what I really want is for us to be together and not to have to share you with anybody else you know and and so these tangents so so my whole point here is that you know find something that works for you you know and try different things and figure out what that is you know a lot of us kind of get stuck in these places where we're like you know we've done something for so long that we think that that's what should be or we think that's who we are and it's not you know there's there's deeper aspects of ourselves because we've just been kind of going along with things we kind of got into a situation and we just went along with it instead of ever questioning it and ever questioning whether that's what we really wanted or not man we're getting deep here so many good comments to my city of room like listening to you and reading it all it's just so good I love what everyone's talking about in the in the chat yeah and in terms of like like the topic of how to make a man miss you we've been talking about women who are like okay he pulled away what's my next step or I reached out I lean forward and I think I made a mistake what's my next step or whatever you're going through it's like you are your own masculine energy is like going unemployed in your own life it's like not being utilized a lot of times it's like going urgent like your own masculine energy is going urgent and you're turning it on to the man so you know whenever you catch yourself in that place like what can I do to fix this what can I do to get him back that's a big clue where can you employ your own masculine energy for yourself and your own life that's kind of taking your focus off of him and putting it on yourself where it belongs a lot of times fewer had the experience where you kind of forget about a guy for a second that's when he calls or that's when he texts you it's like sort of what's going on there so it for the woman with the masculine you know she had brothers or whatever your masculine energy is not a bad thing you just want to use it in the right way you know it doesn't have a good place when you're in relationships when you're using it to try to like make something happen or push your agenda or move things forward so just think of it like that is your own masculine energy going unemployed in your own life and it has to be used up somewhere so you're like turning it on to the man that's typically when you'll see a man back off if that makes sense it makes sense yeah it makes sense yeah I mean as a guy it's very easy to feel when you're around a woman like what her energy is yeah it's like when you're a guy and you walk like Sam a guy and I walk into a bar right and I see a woman that's in her masculine energy it feels very empty you know it feels like oh hey what's up you know like how you're doing whereas like a woman that's in her feminine energy it's almost like it's almost like a show or something you know you walk in and you see her and you can see her like I don't there's something about it where it's like whoa you know especially in these days this day in age where so many women are in their masculine all the time and they go out and they're always in their masculine when you see a woman in her feminine as a guy as a masculine guy you know I see her and I'm like I'm like oh man you know it's just there's something that holds me to it that like brings my attention over and is like oh you know it's like it's almost like oh you're so amazing you know and that's just that's that's how I feel when I experience it and so you know when when you're in your masculine you know and I've been in relationships where you know women are in their masculine and what ends up happening is it's like it kind of feels weird because it's not quite like it's not like it's not quite like being around a guy it's it's kind of like being around somebody that like I don't know a lot of times it doesn't feel like it's right like there's something like weird like like they're trying to do something and it's not working for for either of us and it like I don't know it kind of like makes me feel kind of like gross or something it's hard to explain really and it's not always a problem you know because you know especially if I've been in a workplace environment and a woman's in her masculine and she's doing really well at it it's like cool you know whatever that's great you know but in a like a romantic relationship and you're trying to and I'm trying to be close and she's in her masculine it's like you know I feel like I'm just like I don't you know I don't connect with this that's that's really what it is it's almost like a disconnection you know with my heart you know it's like it's like I just don't have that there's no feeling there there's no there's none of that desire there's none of that like you know we're talking about this whole missing you thing you know it's like I'm with you and I miss something but it's not what's going on right now you know it's almost like I want to experience this you know this this reconnection because that's what as a guy connects me to a woman is that energy you know she's in her heart right and as a guy I spend most of my time in my head you know or in other other places you know where it's not like I'm you know in touch with my emotions or anything and so when a woman's around me and she's in her feminine energy it's like it's like I feel I feel her and I feel me you know because I'm normally not that connected to it so it you know it almost makes me feel us right which is a really really intimate and sensual thing for me to experience with a woman especially since I don't you know I don't feel it most of the time and I don't feel it with most women and so yeah it's really powerful I love hearing all of that from it's like exactly what I was saying when I say you know men are actually sensitive we think they're clueless but they're actually really sensitive to this vibe we're giving off and I always say like a lot of times they can't put their finger on it it when we're in our masculine energy or we have an agenda we're trying to make something happen even on like a really subtle level they can't put their finger on it a lot and this is exactly you're like I don't know what it is but I just don't feel this desire to like come close a lot of times it's not like they can explain what it is they just feel repelled by that energy or at least they don't feel like they want to come towards it they don't miss it when it's not there and I love what you said too yeah I think men need us in a lot of ways because we're really like connected as women to ourselves and to our emotions and to like you know the world in ways that men can only get connected to through us in my opinion I don't know if you agree with that yeah so they need it like they need us in a lot of ways like they can't it's to have this full life experience because we can get to deeper places in ourselves that and generally speaking there's some like really conscious men out there that are in touch with themselves that's a really rare thing it's a really rare thing for a woman I think these days so when a man finds a woman like that it's like a well it's it's a it's more than just being in touch with yourself yeah because I think that as a man you can be in touch with yourself and you don't need a woman for that but I think the experience of being with a woman there's something else going on there especially like that I talk about this this concept of being in sync right I talk about that in some of my videos my programs being in sync with a woman is like one of the most I personally think it's one of the most powerful things on the planet right because you're it's it's like it's almost like there's this weird like like telepathy going on or something you know where you're just like you're like you get each other and you're like you know you get to this place where you're like finishing each other's sentences and you know how each other feels and you're like okay you know you know like you feel something and you're like I think this is this would be good for you right now you know and it's like this it's crazy this crazy thing that only being around a woman can really bring out for me anyway and it's it for me it's like it just makes me feel like I can conquer the world you know it makes me feel like I'm a greater man you know and it makes me feel you know like when I think about it I kind of feel this like you know we're just so much greater together thing and I feel like there's so much pulling us apart right now as a society as man and woman that most people aren't experiencing this and it like really it's painful to think about that you know because it's so I personally think it's so important for all of us and you know I'm just like I don't know there's something in me where I'm like I'm like I want to heal this whole like I'm kind of on a mission right now like I want to heal this whole thing of the like the battle of the sexes thing you know I mean I just think that it's it's so destructive to our society and to ourselves and to each other it's just it's it's hurting us in so many ways and I think we'd be so much better off if we could heal it because we all have pain you know we're all in pain we're all experiencing pain and we've all we've all been broken up with we've all had somebody cheat on us maybe not everybody's had somebody cheat on them but I mean almost everybody has had serious heart heartbreak in their lives almost every single person I've ever talked to I think there's like one dude that I've ever talked to who was like yeah broken up with this girl they're dating you know and I was like whatever but like most people almost everybody I've ever talked to and I've talked to a lot of people about dating and relationships is they've had their hearts broken you know and we have this pain we have this thing where we feel like the opposite sex is out to get us you know we feel like they're they're using us we feel like we need to we need to somehow get what we want from them whether they like it or not you know and it's I think it's really destructive I think it's I think it's painful it's painful just to think about and and I want to figure out how to heal it and I think that that's really the way as a society for us to move forward through all this stuff is figuring out how we can heal ourselves how we can come together not just as a couple not just as one person with another person but how we can do it as a society and I you know I want to help I want families to have both parents you know I want fam I want people to get into relationships that are just absolutely amazing you know I think that's the only way that we're gonna we're gonna get through this as a society I think that's the only way that we're gonna get through this with our culture and and making things better is is if is if we heal you know as if we come together man and woman and and heal each other you know and heal ourselves another tangent so anyway I don't know was there anything specifically that you wanted to talk about I was I was just reading all the comments yeah thanks everybody that's been here thank you for leaving comments you know we're gonna do more these live cast things on YouTube and maybe Facebook and I don't know they said something about twitch I don't know what twitch is but thank you for coming yeah and if you want to be a part of one of our programs feminine enchantment look up feminine enchantment calm yeah it's a great program I think there's yeah there's a link there's a link in the description here if you want to join a program it's really cool and so thanks for being with us today thanks for your questions thanks for contributing to the chat thanks you know there's a lot of awesome people here so thank you so much for talking to each other and being supportive you know I really think that's the way forward for all of us so thank you so much and we will speak with you again soon