 My beautiful friends, hello. So I shot this entire video and then I realized when I was editing it just now that I did it not at any point to mention, that it has been four months since my amputation, just over four months. And that was kind of the point of the video, was to give an overarching medical update. Long story short, things are going well, they are very confusing, it's been an odd couple weeks. Um, we don't really have answers for anything and you'll see throughout the rest of the video kind of what's going on. Honestly, I think all things considered the last four months have been really good. Phantom pain is so much better than it was, I'll get like random bursts of horrible electrical pain, but then it'll go away. I have to ice it a lot more, I cannot use my prosthetic leg at all, it's been just about six weeks since I've been just on crutches. But, I have an eye walk coming, thank you to everyone who recommended that, I actually got reached out to you by the company. I'll have more information on that coming soon, they are being so great to me. But anyways, I will stop talking and let's get into the actual video. So I realized this is probably not as interesting to anyone but me, that's so much cat hair. But I'm super excited about the fact that I have purple and silvery hair, cause I've always wanted to dye my hair in a cool color. And be like the cool kids, generally people like it if you look more professional. But guess what, since I'm having surgery and traveling and all that, I'm not gonna be working for a couple months face to face with people. I do online work now, so um, why not fulfill those teenage dreams? So the actual topic of today's video is a overarching health update for the past couple weeks. I told you guys that go a little bit more into depth. As you know, I am having surgery. Last week, I went up to Denver and I spoke to a second surgeon. I wanted a second opinion because some people had been telling me that my leg was... Actually a lot of people had been telling me that my leg was too long and that it was done wrong. And then I went and saw the second surgeon and he said it was great and nothing was wrong. And that maybe it was miscommunication with other stuff. And I got very confusing and then suggested maybe I'd get a second opinion on prosthetics. And I am so confused right now because every time I talk to someone, I feel like they point the finger at someone else. Or say something else was done wrong and then when I go to that person to fix it, the next person says, Oh no, this wasn't wrong and then sends me off to someone else. So I don't want to go to this new prosthetics appointment. Like I want to, I have a friend who goes there, Stephen, thanks for all your help. But at the same time, I'm like, what are they going to do until after surgery? I don't want to go to more appointments. I have reached the threshold of maximum doctor appointments, I feel like, which is a bummer considering that there are going to be many more to come. I'm going to swallow my pride, swallow my emotions and go up to see this next prosthetist who apparently is fantastic and get his opinion and be very nice about the whole thing and not be that patient. Let's head up to Denver, let's get a second opinion in this very snowy weather. I'll leave my poor Sadie Bear here, she's going to watch the house and keep the couch warm. So we're just leaving the prosthetics appointment now. What did we learn today, baby? We learned a lot about prosthetics. Oh, there's geese crossing the road. And traffic has stopped for them. It's everywhere. I do. They're on parade. So after the goose crossing incident, we learned we have a lot to learn about prosthetics and what did you say earlier about no answers in one day? I had to buy up a good point earlier. I'm super pissed and in a terrible mood and being a real grouch about everything. I'm not a very positive person today. And my darling has been here, but I don't really get any answers all at once. So it's like we're just collecting tidbits of medical clues and eventually we'll find actual answers. I don't know when that day will come, but it will one day. It is now the evening and I am safely back home from Denver with my Sadie Bear. Today was a day where I was not in a good place. Like I was just a total grouch, 100% honest. I tried to cancel this appointment in the morning. Brian made me go to it. He was like, no, you really need to go hear them out. And I appreciate that he did that. I feel like it's a good thing to have other people watching out for me right now because I'm kind of shutting down. So here's the situation. Like I said, I was a total grump today and I feel like I'm on overload from doctors appointments and I guess I call prosthetists doctors too, even though they technically aren't just from so many appointments and so much information and a lot of conflicting information from talented educated professionals. And I need to take a break. And I can take a break because I don't have surgery for another month and a half. And so I decided that I am going to postpone research for a little while and just try to exist, just try to live a little bit and stop trying to find answers that we don't need right now. Like what leg is going to be best at what time is going to be answered in a couple of months. And we'll figure it out then and some of the other questions that came up today will be figured out at a different time. And right now I feel like part of self-care is letting my brain take a break from trying to figure out who to trust and what is right. What I know is I'm having surgery March 28th, 2019. I almost said 18, which is great. She keeps hitting me. And I may be having a few additional things done in that surgery. Isn't she so sweet? Hi. Like taking the screw out if it's healed enough so we don't have to go back in months later if there's issues, but I'll keep you updated on that. Now, one thing that came out of today that was decisive and really, really good is that this prosthetist agrees my leg is definitely not too long, which is really great news because I did not want to go have my leg chopped off again. That would be horrible in a lot of ways. So that was something worth celebrating. I apologize for the crazy lighting we have going on here. I realize when I talk about a lot of my current health stuff it may be a little vague. The reason for that is there's some stuff going on and if I talked about it in specifics it would involve throwing some people under the bus and I'm not going to do that until I know that people need to be thrown under buses. Just kidding. Don't throw anyone under buses ever. I don't know that any mistakes have actually been made. My dog is loudly chomping tennis balls so until I know that, I am not going to talk about things in specifics. Does that make sense? I honestly think I want something that doesn't exist. I just want... This is going to sound very silly. I just want the whole course plotted out. I want to know exactly what's going to happen. I know how dumb this sounds as I'm saying it and I want to know it's going to be okay and no mistakes are going to be made and what mistakes have been made and who to blame and blah blah blah and I think I just realized that right now and I think that's where a lot of my frustration is coming from and I think I need to let that go because that's not how the world works. The future is a giant question mark and I can make peace with that. Even when it's snowing out, she never stops. It's so cold. Look at her covered in snow. Nothing exists but the tennis ball. You ready? You ready? By the way, if you live near Colorado Springs make sure that you check out Misha Hair Emporium on Instagram. She's the lovely lady who did my hair. She always does my hair. She did a fabulous job and I just love working with her. This is not remotely sponsored or paid. I just think that she's glorious and you should definitely check her out if you need your hairs done and you live within 50 miles of the springs. I don't know. Travel further. She's great.