Zan: Independence Day for Spider-Man





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Published on Jul 5, 2012

Zan assures movie goers that The Amazing Spider-Man will mark a day of independence for us all. Happy 4th of July! Special thanks to Ian for co-everything...ing on this one.


In case you couldn't make out the speech over the megaphone, here it is:

Good Morning. In less than an hour, you will enter that theater and join audiences around the world in viewing The Amazing Spider-Man. And you will be taking part in the most premature rebooting of a franchise in the history of cinema.

Reboot -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

We can't be consumed by how recently the last spider man franchise trailed off.

We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps it's fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not by loading muskets or charging into battle -- but by purchasing a ticket to the remake of a movie that most of you probably have vivid recollections of seeing, because it wasn't that long ago.

We're fighting for that to be okay. For that to be a thing now.

And should the hasty Spider Man Reboot take number one at the box office, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American Holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: "We will not pay Tobey Maguire 50 million dollars in salary and profit shares. We will not give Sam Raimi the chance to redeem himself after Spider-Man 3. We're going to reboot. Andrew Garfield is fine."

Today we celebrate our Independence Day.

...And fuck Tyler Perry


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